Physical IntimacyRelationshipsFriendshipDatingBreakupsRelationship ProblemsSocial Skills & EtiquetteGender and SexualityRelationship AdviceLoveCompatibilitySingle Life

How to Deal With Narcissistic People

Updated on December 29, 2016

How To Deal With Narcissistic People And Protect Yourself From Them

Knowing how to deal with narcissistic people can be very difficult because their behaviors are often camouflaged very successfully as they pursue their obsessive interest in themselves, often by means of deception, pretense and emotional abuse.

Most of us, with our normal personalities, enter relationships hoping for a healthy, supportive, giving partnership where there is mutual love, respect, and long lasting fulfillment.

With two emotionally stable, healthy people who are truly committed to and who are willing to invest in one another, this scenario is very much within the realms of possibility.

However, there are other instances where a partner's behavior makes this almost impossible. It often feels as if no amount of effort seems to change anything for the better and that one partner's actions consistently seems hurtful, bewildering and emotionally draining, and seriously lowering the partners confidence and self esteem.

One possible reason for this phenomenon is a personality disorder such as narcissism. Certain people are psychologically "hard wired" in such a way that close personal relationships become very problematic. Therefore please take the time today to learn how to deal with narcissistic people.

Know the Signs

Here are 7 of the common signs of narcissism.

1. He / she displays a lack of empathy. As you spend more time investing in your partner, you may notice that he / she seems to be unable to put him / herself in someone else's place emotionally. This often leads to callous and self serving behavior.

2. Your partner will often show a willingness to exploit other people. You may see that your partner has little qualms about stepping on other people if it benefits him / her.

3. Idealized thinking is often a prevalent theme. Your partner might put others, including you, on a pedestal, only to completely discard or describe you as worthless later on down the track. He / she often fantasizes about the perfect love, beauty, or power, and feels he / she has a right to it.

4. Having a grandiose sense of self worth is very common. Your partner might exaggerate his / her accomplishments and expect to associate with other 'high level' people. This often leads to feelings of superiority, a haughty attitude and /or excessive expectations.

5. Your partner will often exhibit an excessive sense of entitlement. He / she may feel as if preferential treatment ought to come her / his way as of right.

6. Your partner will most often crave admiration and praise to the point that it becomes almost like a drug. This drug has been termed 'narcissistic supply' and a narcissist most often goes to excessive lengths to obtain it.

7. He / she may often be very jealous of the accomplishments of others, and even become angry at the successes of others who then take the focus away from her / him.

A Psychologist Explains Narcissism And It's Effects On Others

Learn How To Protect Yourself

In order to protect yourself from people like this, use the signs of narcissism listed in this article to discern whether someone in your life may be narcissistic.

Then do whatever you have to do in order to protect yourself from being a victim of this person and their insanity.

Read as much as you can. Educate yourself. It's important to learn how to deal with narcissistic people! Then take the steps necessary to protect yourself and your children (if they are affected).

Sometimes this means getting away from these people all together, and sometimes you can have milder but distant contact.

The most important thing to remember in dealing with these people is that it is them who has the problem, not you.

Expert Recommendations:

All the experienced experts in preventing narcissistic abuse make two vital recommendations:

1) If at all possible, walk away (leave) your narcissistic abuser.

2) If that's not possible due to constraints of your employment, wider family, children or love, you must, repeat must, take advantage of the support and resources available to learn how to deal with a narcissist, and in doing so discover how to protect yourself from ongoing emotional, mental and sometimes physical harm.

Please take action TODAY to protect yourself!

Share Your Experiences and Success With Others! - (or, if you like, just say Hello )

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I have a neighbor like that. He lies about the people on the street, gets them fighting with each other and acts like he's not involved. Anyone who finds him out becomes the enemy and he spreads gossip about them until they're shunned by the others on the street who are too dumb to figure it out.

      He goes after letter carriers, they won't deliver his mail anymore, and went after a woman on the street that I saw him come on to (which he denies). He dealt with his rejection by spreading gossip that cost her a job. The boss who bought the BS and stopped working with her is now spreading the lies he heard about her to other people. No one else believes her but I saw it. When I tried to tell the truth to the neighbors and the boss, I got shunned. It's sick. It's like collective psychosis. I finally challenged the guy and his mask fell off. He threatened me, screaming at the top of his lungs, lying as he yelled. The people on the street - he was careful to do it when they weren't home - took his side. I'm sick of it. The guy's a menace. I helped the girl put cameras up on her house and put them on mine, too. The first time he loses it on film, I'm suing him and sending a copy to the guy who was stupid enough to believe him and stop working with that neighbor who hadn't done anything wrong.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: How'd you get that out of what she wrote? You don't know what you're talking about. Narcissists have such a need to be right, they hang on forever. You don't know that, why are you posting?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: not your problem, you can't save her. get yourself healthy and be happy the darkness in your life is gone

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I would have to say he is not a narcissist, if he was he would of dumped every part of the relationship like yesterdays trash. they don't hang on. So you are dealing with some other problem

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      *i told my boyfriend to take a week space from me to sort out his feelings.

      i was hopeful that things would work out as he was always telling me that

      he loved me and had strong feelings for me. but all of a sudden he said

      that he wanted to be single and had doubts about our future together. i did

      cry but i did not beg him to stay. i said sorry for any hurt i had caused

      him and thanked him for showing me love. very hard but i did it with as

      much dignity as i could. but i never understand why he don't want to stay

      with me. but before he left he told me i am irresistible, lovely warm

      person etc but he just want to walk away from my life. the pain was awful.

      our getting together was fateful and we found out our birthday both 1st

      June. he is 43 and i am 44. it was weird. i thought we were made for each

      other. he deleted my numbers but i never let go of him. i wanted him back

      but he has made up his mind so i had no choice but to look for a way to get

      him back so what i did was to look for a spell caster to help me get back

      my lover fast as possible, when i came across greatzuba@gmail.com, so he

      did a love spell for me and the spell came out perfect, my lover reconciled

      with me and we came back together and since then we have been in peace and

      the lover is flowing perfectly*

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      my brother is in prison because of his narcissist wife. This isn't the first time she has lied and put him behind bars. She can manipulate anybody! The cops, judges, the people at the batterd women's shelter. She lies, dreams up fantasies about herself and is mean as a snake! She has done some horrible things to my brother and I hope this time he will realize that there is no helping her. The bad thing is he has two children with her.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      My narcissistic person is a recovering alcoholic now 9 years sober. After reading about this I had a WOW! moment because I said to myself this fits my ex to a t.Even the fact that he,d told me his father was physically abusive to his mother. finally it all makes sense. The walking on eggshells in our relationship, his using Facebook to punish me for inadvertanly telling things about him that as he said, I,d made a fool out him in front of his friends. His dumping me telling me a cockamanie lie then afterwards not careing what happened to me afterwards.And finally at 53 he actively looks for 20 something women and ultimatly moves in a woman who is 28.It will be interesting to see what happens with that relationship .He had given me a list of friends he deemed no good in one way or other. Strange that those people turned out to be the nicest people I know.I kept woundering also how it is so many friends of his think he can do no wrong and how it is he has so many fooled.Now it all makes sense : )

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 4 years ago

      @anonymous: True. They have a personality disorder and that's a mental illness. However, like any mental illness they can be helped, they can change. But it's not easy or quick. That's why anyone being impacted emotionally by a narcissist must, I repeat must, be educated and supported on how to protect themselves. Kim, who can be reached through the blue Stop-The-Abuse link above, is the most highly regarded support person I know and I recommend her highly. Use the link to check out her services.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Trish, Narcissim IS a mental Illness! Thier brainsare wired different, it is a disorder, medication does help, if they are willling to get help. Unfortunatley, most are not!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @StopTheAbuseInfo: Hi there, i am not in the habit of telling people to leave their spouses, but in the case of a narcissist, RUN FOREST RUN! It will not get better! Please find help read books, they are not capable of loving anyone else but themselves, sad but true. I didn't want to believe it either, but after 16 years and numerous affairs, and even moving his last mistress and family into our home after I left and couldn't ake any more, I started researching to try and understand how his mind worked, and discovered he has a mental disorder, his mother was Bi-polar, adn his brother is just like him. We are divorced, and he isthe one who filed, now he is saying he wants to remarry, NOT! I am still not healed, and would never go back into a relationship with him.That would be just plain CRAZY! I know my value, and worth, and while I don't plan on ever getting married again, i know the signs. I am happy in my own sin, and know lies were jus tthat lies. Please seek help, you can talk to me any time as well. GOod luck and praying for you

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I just got out of a 7 year relationship with a Narcissist who still tries to manipulate me into caving to his every need.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Oh boy, do I have a similar story. My daughter in law from hell is a classic narcissist. Over the years, i have done everything possible to form some kind of relationship with her and have finally given up as everything I do is wrong. To begin with all Narcissists are control freaks. They have to control anything and everything around them and always manipulate and cause drama to keep everyone off balance. For example, when my grandson was born she ordered everyone to stay away from the hospital on the first day, I made the mistake of bringing flowers to the front desk for her and asking them to deliver them. For that, I was not allowed to see my grandson for one year. This drama goes on and on. She is estranged from her family and is so nasty and rude. I have heard her make fun of handicapped children and other people who are unattractive. She detests me of course....and my son will not stand up for me or himself. For the past 3 Christmases they have not come over on Christmas eve or Christmas day saying that is their family time. They only live 20 minutes away. Of course they have time for everyone else, but not for us. As usual, we invited them over and my son had the gall to call and tell me they wouldn't be coming over, but he would pick up their gifts and send pics of them opening their loot on Facebook. My husband told them if they couldn't find 2 hrs to spend with us around Christmas we were donating their presents to charity, except for the 3 year old grandson's presents who has no say in the matter. They were shocked at this. One of the presents to all of the kids this year is a Caribbean Cruise, but as they are not coming over, they are not going I guess. I guess some woman at the Salvation Army will get a Coach Purse. We are not rich by the way, I over-extended to buy her the purse thinking it would make her warm up towards us....guess not. I am having to keep my distance, as I get so upset.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Yes, he seemed like a dream come true. Kind, good looking hardworking....I thanked God for having met this man. He was from Costa Rica new in the USA trying to discover opportunities and he did within 8 years he paid off 3 huge homes in costa rica and at 40 retirement was possible.

      Then out of nowhere he abandon me refused to talked. He found someone else to enjoy what we has build together. Thinking back now all the red flags where they....he has stopped having sex with me...he was always punishing me by emotionally abandoning me...he was self serving, always taking advantage of others, humilating and devaluing others, unable to show any history or long lasting relatioships....

      So here I am 2 years later living in costa rica tiring to get my part of thr financial gains of our relationship...we worked hard, slept at times on the floor...saved life crazy...endure so much hardship...but now he is enjoying it all. He continues to thrive always making the best deals and making thousands.

      I wonder when God will give this man his share.....he has not given me mine...all was under his name...very controlling...I was soooo stupid.....my family tell me to just let it go.....at 45 with a 8 yr old son...starting off with 0 while he is living the great life truly thrrows me on my knees....he keeps telling me he will give me my share but in my heart i know he won´t but I frozen just cannot seem to move on.

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Click the blue Stop-The-Abuse link above Blessedgypsy and Kim will help you out.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      My ex is a narcissist and its affecting a new relationship any advice will help

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: My heart goes out to you. I am also a MIL and am at a complete loss to know if it is possible to maintain a relationship with my son who has a gentle, kind, loving heart of his own and is trying to bridge a gap between his wife and the rest of our family. With our second son's wedding coming up with summer I need to figure out a way to maintain peace for the sake of this very happy occasion. However, this wedding has totally taken the attention away from the daughter-in-law so she has begun lashing out already. I'm tired of listening, balancing, walking on eggshells, over extending myself to make things perfect in the rare hope it may be right one day only to realize in her eyes I am wrong and always be. One day I want to gently, lovingly, convincingly suggest she seek help for this disorder and believe it is possible for a better person to come, but I am beginning to believe it is just a dream. And yes, she too hides behind God and Christianity all the while behaving counter to Christian love, honor, cherish, treat others as you want to be treated. Another holiday is coming, a wedding is coming and I need to fill MY bucket with love and all things good to feel the joy. So that is my plan, go to what makes me happy!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: This could have been my story, only I have a two year old daughter.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Sandra

      Thank you so much for sharing. I have just come to recognize that the "problem" I am dealing with has a term & I m not the crazy one. As a MIL in similar shoes, you told me a lot!! I feel the same for my son. I could go on & on but I just want to thank you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      My son is married to a narcissist, it is the most horrible feeling to know what he is dealing with and he doesn't. After 6 years of her abuse he finally leaves her, first time for 4 hours, because she wouldn't stop texting him to come home, and then another time, he left for a week. The second time he left, he texted me, and I told him he needed to talk with his dad. I had a feeling how bad thiings were over the years, because I had witnessed many times my son frustration with his son, behind his wifes controlling behavior. It was difficult because at the time they were living with me, and because my son never stood up to her, i would not say anything, of course i would come out looking like i was getting involved in their marriage if i even thought about defending my son against her, because he always defend her behavior or tried to convince us that we should give her a break, because she doesn't have family. (I wonder why?) So i had to watch this for months she finally convinced him to move her into her own place, she spends the money, controls his thoughts, feelings and emotions. The second time he left he came to my husband and I, and it was the worst possible state you could ever want to see your child in. He was so emotionally drained that he told me that he feels something is wrong in his head.. It broke my heart to see what he had turned into, from a bright man with goals to one who is nearly working his butt off, so he can give her everything she thinks she wants to keep her happy. He eventually went back to her, after her texting him she was going to leave him with his kids. (another manipulation) she I believe has used to keep her hooks into him. Threating to take his children from him, (which is evident that he loves his children). THis is what I believe she uses every time he thinks of leaving, so he does whatever she wants him to do for fear of losing them. Breaks my heart, because if the children this last time were used as pawns to get him back. Unfortunately, he has gone back to her, and as many have stated on here, he has isolated himself, from us again..... keeping grandkids away, etc, acting like its important to her for them to see us, and to be quite honest, we have avoided her altogether, which means we haven't made an effort to see the kids, because she is rude, insulting and fricking crazy, I can go on, but I know what she is and she and I know I know, because when my son left her and then went back, I bit, in so many words, went to talk with her because she wanted to text with me, told her if she had something to say, she needed to see me face to face. Everything she said was always the same, its him, its you, never did she take responsibility for anything as always. He is still with her, and as of now we have no contact with him, or our grandkids. He is totally under her control, because to him we are the enemy because we refuse to accept her BS anymore. From what I can tell, she is hiding behind, GOD, the great christian, (post on facebook) going to church, etc. My heart goes out to my son, he is a good man, but it seems the longer he is with her, the more he acts like her. He will stand up to me,but wont say anything to her, just shes such a great wife and mother! Lord help him is all I can pray these days. And my grandchildren, because I can see the golden child and the poor invisible child. My grandchildren, are her victims as well. Now all i can do is pray for them all. And learn to trust him in this situation myself. Somedays i am consumed as to what will happen to them all living with this woman. Don't think he will leave her again and come here, because he now knows we know how abusive and mean she is. I been praying he will bring a recovering man, who was involved in a relationship with this type of narcissist woman. Somebody who can relate to him, , because I have heard how long term relationships with these woman can be, from reading these post. He already thinks hes crazy, lord only knows what he will feel, in the next 5 years. And the kids, you can already see the symptoms of living with this woman. I accept there is nothing i can do, but just wait and pray. (difficult because my son doesn't want to hear anything against her). It would be nice to hear from some other mothers, or any feedback would be great. Thanks for sharing the many stories, the support alone is helpful.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi,

      I have been looking for support myself, as I have a narcissist in my life. I have an adult son who is married to a narcissist and although I am not in this relationship with her, I have to keep doing a self-check, because the hardest thing is know that your child is the victim of a narcissist and not being able to do anything about it, but wait till they realize what they are dealing with. One thing I have noticed is she is draining the life out of him, and his self-esteem is just non-existent, worst is she has isolated him, which of course is part of the maniputlation. It would be a blessing to help someone who is looking for the support, i would love to keep you reminded that it isn't you, and if at all possible find someone close that you trust, that you can chat with physically to encourage you you have self-worth.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Amy this narcissist is my husband. I don't know how much I can take living in his narcissistic world! I know! He thinks he is king and has no respect for others including me!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: So you walked away, decided to go no contact with your daughter but you still want her address even if she does not want to give it to you? It's not making any sense, sorry, and looks like the situation you're talking about really is in fact the other way around.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: HI AMY! I am married to a narcissist and I understand! Please keep ypur Head Up! I am working on finding a small window of alone time and meditating! it helps to "defrag". Remember, YOU are Beautiful however you are! Until you are strong enough to distance your self (if that's what you choose) YOU are STRONGER for staying.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I am in the same position and am learning more about this as of lately. I have been doing this emotional roller coaster for almost four years now. And this is the second time i dated him! ugh! I just read the suggestion of getting away from them if possible. harder then people might think. We tend to start to believe that we have no value and that something is wrong with us. They have the problem. I am a good and considerate person and i am sure you are as well. We can't allow them to take that away from us as well. to believe we are not? I don't make up the pain that i feel inside. I don't create it by being the women that i am. I want to be heard and valued and it is up to me to make the change. I wish you well.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Don't mean to push anything on you but if you're a born again believer in Jesus Christ you may want to try reading psalms 139: 14. God tells is yat we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He loves you so much that He numbered everyhair on your head. Just remember don't make their problem your problem. I myself am married to a narcissist. Hope this helps

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I have a narcissistic MIL and I have learned that no matter how hard you to try and please these people it is a waste of time. I believe that karma has a way of paying people back for their deeds to others. No one is perfect but all you can do in life is respect others and treat them well. You have to love yourself and you can't let others dictate your self worth. Easier said than done. Some people are naturally selfish. That being said, after a while, step back and don't extend yourself beyond what is needed for these people. Someone can only bring you down if you hand over your self worth to them.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Devi, i am so with you on this one! My sister is also incredibly draining. Its always about her and what she has or hasn't got, attention. Totally withdraws if the focus is not on her, or minimalises attention on me. (Like any successes or fun that i have) usually by having some kind of drama just after my success. I would like to continue this journey of support with someone in a similar situation, if you are interested. Its so difficult with this person being a sister because we want to love them so much as they are our blood. Im sure you understand this comment. Lee

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Honestly, hr, you should call the police on these people. What they're doing is against the law.

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Amy, use the blue Stop-The-Abuse link above and make contact with Kim, she is the best person to help you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Im looking for someone to whom I can email regularly for support. I have a

      narcissist in my life and I have no one for support, or to remind me of my

      own value. If anyone is interested, please respond. Im desperate! thanks!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I married one. That too when I had better choices around. He came from a semi-literate background, lived in semi-squalid conditions, had mediocre looks, and lied about his financial details. But I was hell bent upon making a success of my marriage. Now 2 decades years, 3 kids, 2 killer diseases later, I admit I made a mistake. I took up working, and today head a well known multinational company, but am told I am a menial worker, am ordered around to do menial tasks, talked to rudely, then told I don't do anything well, but my achievements speak out.otherwise. For years I strived to improve more and more and landed on top of the ladder at work. There is no support anywhere, except my kids. They observe him and fight back, to which he says I poisoned their mind. His parents had a late, abusive marriage and he inflicts his past wounds on me to the extent of violence and degradation. He does not understand love and makes elaborate schemes to wangle my money one way or the other. He says "I rule the world", "I am the best", "an old wife has no charm", "get out so that I can get a young wife", "I will manipulate you in such a way that you will have to pay me alimony", He used to be a shoplifter and has stolen jewelry of a close relative at a function. He used to beat his mother, me and even the kids if I do not intervene. He calls me poor, haggard and unattractive. Last but not the least, he is a confirmed porn addict and takes pictures of girls younger than his daughter. Women in India are taught to respect their husbands, but I have had a bit too much now!!

      Ah! the favorite line is "to even breathe in this house, you will have to pay money".

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I am glad that I am not alone. My sister and her kids are narcissist. They always made me feel as though something was wrong with me for years. I always found myself apologizing for everything, even, when I know I was not wrong. I was so afraid of losing their relationship. I would quickly apologize just to keep the peace and in hopes that this would soften up my sister to see how empathetic I was. She still constantly undermines me by withdrawing her emotions, still being verbally and emotionally abusive and telling her kids negative stuff about me. I could never stand up to her. She was quick with the words. I would just retreat. My mother always took her side indirectly. I felt worthless all the time growing up and felt rejected. My esteem was affected big time. This affected me as an adult as well. I became a total people pleaser. I did not want to be ignored. At this point, like I said her children now undermine me and dog me out behind my back. That really hurted because I always was there for them. Recently, I had left my job because I had been verbally abused there for 3 1/2 years and undermined. Nobody seem to have cared. Treated like I was invisible. That affected me psychologically. I was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. I was constantly blaming myself for people treating me the way they did. Today, I am here on this site, because, I know I am not alone now. I am 46 years old and still haven't done a lot of things for myself yet. I am going to practice moving forward looking at things the way they are pertaining to my sister and now the kids and not try to focus on changing them. I have to start using WISDOM. I am so happy I am not alone in this.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I grew with a narcissistic older. When I turned 19, I really began to see her true colors. She put me down, she was mean to me all the time, never to really communicate to me. I always felt rejected. I would tell her how I feel and could care less. She would tell me I was too sensitive or crazy. I knew attitude wasn't right. I always took the high road and forgave her, because I wanted a relationship with her. I keep doing this up until recently, as a result I had suffered from severe depression for the last few years, because I thought she would've changed or would see her ways and want to be nicer. Unfortunately, her now young adult children started treating me the same way. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Now, I am angry that I let this gone on for so long. My sister is still an evil bitch.

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 5 years ago

      @anonymous: hr, this sounds serious. Please use the blue www.Stop-The-Abuse.info link above and ask Kim for some guidance.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I'm being emotionally abused by a few very sick people. Psychologists have various names for them- narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths etc. They are a bunch of freaks wreaking havoc in my life.

      Even though, physically I'm at a distance from them, they have been stalking me in real life by planting spying devices in my home where I currently live with my family. Additionally, they continually cyber-stalk and cyber-harass me. THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY ARE KEEPING A TAB ON MY EACH AND EVERY MOVE. My family and I are all suffering. My father even lost his job because of their dirty tricks and far reaching influence.

      They are powerful/ influential people and have influenced my friends and acquaintances as well. I have no support and people don't even understand my problem. They tell me to move on.

      I'M DYING TO MOVE ON BUT CAN'T BECAUSE I'M BEING SPIED ON AND HARASSED CONTINUOUSLY, EVEN IN MY HOME. THEY SEND ME E-MAIL ABOUT CONVERSATIONS THAT TAKE PLACE IN MY HOME! Can someone not see that even my most basic rights are being violated upon? They interfere in anything I do in my life or even if I leave comments on websites or the internet. They are controlling everything.

      Clearly, they are very sick people and I'm the one whose suffering.

      Because they're powerful and influential and keep exerting control in my normal day to day life, I'm unable to do anything but silently suffer.

      I'm looking for help wherever I can get it but everyone is under their influence and so I have not received any GENUINE help from anyone or anywhere.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hello :O Where do you start having success? Its a day to day thing. And what happens when that's all you know is the depressing feeling.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Wow!! Maybe now that I am 39 I can finally stop blaming myself for my narcissistic mother. She will do anything to get her way. She's a compulsive liar and a total manipulator. She plays her kids against each other. She even asks people who is prettier me or her. She used to say that I would never be as pretty as her. I need to get my daughter away from her before she hurts her like she did me. She's a sick woman who had a brother, and father who died HATING her but it's never her fault. Thank God I had a good father, but he's not here any longer but I have a great husband. Sick Sick woman will die alone and she will feel all the pain she caused others. She hides behind God and then breaks every commandment. I think that complete distance forever is going to be my only way of having a happy life. Thanks for all the info.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: gaticia

      I am going through the same thing you went through with my boyfriend, we have been together for 6 years and now we are taking a break so to speak, I love him but he wants to go skiing everyweekend which he has to go stay at his buddies to do that because of the distance the private lake is away. It seems like its always about him, no feelings about how I feel staying at home by myself. He says we have grown apart.

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 5 years ago

      @anonymous: You are right Ken, they are a horror and it's important to kow the signs they exhibit. The best place online to learn ALL the signs and symptoms of narcissism can be found by clicking on the blue www.Stop-The-Abuse.info link above

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I worked for one for more than two painful years and only learned of this illness later.

      Once they identify you as useful, they will manipulate you and attempt you to use you to gain success. It will not end unless you make a break.

      Their minds are always on thinking of their goals and problems.

      Their confidence, arrogance and image of capability fool you.

      You get out when you can no longer take the stress they exert.

      They like power, will demean you and attack you if they think you are failing them.

      I see them as monsters, particularly like the alien who can take on any shape, adapt to most situations. Hard to kill in spirit, this is my summation of a narcissist.

      On the web there is a site, outlining 46 aspects of a narcissist. I think I saw more than that, but it is a worthy list, a good start in our seeking to understand.

      Society must be on guard against these people, they hurt those around them and it is in at times subtle, yet pervasive ways.

      If I think I can write a book on my experience, what could those do that are married to one?

      Narcissists are to me a horror in life that I did not know existed. That it took me so long to understand this boss as being severely ill; to discover what the cause was, now means to me that we should be better educated about their existence beforehand, not after the fact.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thank him for making my wish true! I was totally devastated when crane left me. It was like all my world vanishing into sorrow and pain. But Doctor Messiah kind words when I first emailed him gave me hope. I felt how sincere, honest and authentic he was from his first email. I know it sounds weird but out of all the casters I contacted, he was the only one to give me that impression of being so true and caring. More than his words, it s the fantastic work he accomplished for me that I will keep in mind. He brought my lover back and he made all my wishes come true. He s now loyal, pays attention to me, he offers me flowers every Sunday, and we often go out at the cinema and the restaurant even though we have food at home. I will be forever thankful for turning my life from hell to heaven! i believe who need help should contact freemercytemple@yahoo.com and have your problems solved just like mine.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: This guy isn't jus abusing you mentally. He's abusing you emotionally and spiritually. The best way to bring a person down is to start with their thoughts, get into their head and everything else follows. Watch your health!! It isn't legeal or just to abuse someone mentally. You have the power. Wonder what he do if you acted like he didn't exist? Please don't get fixated with materially stuff. If you have your mind, confidence, sense of well-being intact, you can gain more materially, emotionally, and physically. He's only hanging around because he knows he might have control. He's keeping you from loving yourself and allowing the right person into your life. His only purpose is to be an obstacle and opportunity for growth. You've learned the lesson. Set him free! Another love awaits you.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @StopTheAbuseInfo: I am a 55 year old woman I spent the day with my mother and I felt like I was 2 years old to 90 I didn't even know it was my birthday she contolled the whole day and she told me my fae was full of lines the next week when I meant her she called me a unfit mother in front of my daughter at McDonalds I dont went to feel sidical anyore it takes a few weeks to feel better it a miracle I am alive today I attempted sudice 9 times when I was 24 I just kept the same pattern going and I lost my financials my custody of children the doctor told me know one has ever given me emotional support in my life how does that help me and now I take care of my 27 year old daughter who suffers with parniod schrophenia

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Angela, you are correct. You have to protect yourself!

      And if you can't simply more away out of the influence of a narcissist it's vital that you take advantage of the support service I offer above on this lens.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I was reading your website and had a breakthrough. I talked to a good friend of mine who is a counselor and she thought that my father had a narcisstic personality. Of course my father would never go to a counselor, doctor or a psychartrist to get this diagnois. My parents divorced when I was very young. My childhood was a living nightmare. There was extreme emotional, mental and physical abuse that happened daily to my brother and I. We also ran a family business that he was obsessed with and very controlling about. He worked us to the bone. We worked late into the night and started again early in the morning. He kept feeding us a line of bullshit that we are sacrificing now to reap the financial awards later in life. Therefore my brother and I believed him and worked the business into our mid 30s. We endured all the abuse thinking that we have put so much time and money into this business that it would be a shame to walk away. However, the abuse took a toll on us both. Our self-esteem was destroyed to the point that we both had daily thoughts of suicide. Our father didn't show any empathy and said that we were mentally unstable. He took no fault or responsibility for the disfunction in our family. What was very crazy is that he would have moments that he acted like the All-American Dad and we would lap it up since these moments were very infrequent. Looking back he would do this when he knew he had pushed us mentally too far. In the end my brother and I lost many years of our youth, adult hood and money. I sought counseling to help me piece together my core of a self. My father sold out and reap all the financial awards and to this day threatens that he will leave his fortune to people who deserve it. He is a monster. He is a snake. He can be so charming and connect with you when he needs something. If you disagree with him or tell him no, then the monster raises his ugly head. It is not worth the agony believing the lies of a narcissitic. They will destory you as a person. It is better to live in peace and enjoy life.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hi, my ex husband who I divorced after 14 years of marriage, still makes my life a living hell. He has and still does me for everything. He is an officer in the British army so has power and has a lot of self importance. He was so jealous he had to know my whereabouts all the time. When we married I was an extremley confident woman, by the time we divorced I had no confidence and self esteem. I have to still have contact with him as we have 3 children, it's a constant battle of abuse and manipulation. Thank fully I am with a new partner now who is wonderful.

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 5 years ago

      @candidaabrahamson: Thanks for the kind words Candida. Because of the importance of this subject I've been very careful to insure that the information I provide is authoritative and that the support services at the http://www.stop-the-abuse.info/ link above are the very best available

    • profile image

      candidaabrahamson 5 years ago

      This is a very deep lens. It's not easy dealing with narcissistic people, but you provide some good techniques.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I left my narcissistic partner 14 months ago and have never looked back. It was 12 years of abuse and quite frankly I didn't like who I was either. My first marriage was happy and healthy but he died so my second experience of a serious partner was something that I could not have imagined someone like me would have gotten caught up in. It really can happen to anyway. Anyway, just wanted you to know that my life is happy now. My self esteem has soared. I even ended up dating this wonderful man who made me remember what a healthy loving giving relationship was supposed to be. It only ended because he was in the military and his job was always going to send him away. There is light at the end of the tunny. You can find the strength to leave. Don't walk..RUN!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Hi SoonGone, thanks for sharing. The first couple of lines from your story... reads exactly like mine. -- I could have wrote it. Only difference we haven't had sex in months. I was raised to love unconditionally and to invest in family relations, so realizing I have a fiancée who's narcisstisic is extremely heartbreaking. I wish you well as you move forward in life -- I can feel the nurturing heat of the sun, shining into your tunnel!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      My common-law husband of 10 years thinks it's okay to ignore me and not speak for days every time I have an opinion. During that time he sleeps on the couch and goes out of his way to pretend I don't exist. After 7 to 10 days he starts to act like nothing happened but never apologizes. He then becomes this overly happy, fun loving guy for awhile. For that little while when he's feeling good, he wants sex 2 or 3 times a day, even though he can't always finish what he started. I have tried to explain to him that sex would be better if we waited a day or two. But within 24 hrs he's already complaining that I haven't initiated it, and here we go again. We both quit smoking when he had a heart attack 8 months ago and we have both gained weight. When my sister-in-law lit one up at Christmas time I said I still liked the smell of a cigarette. He called me fat and ugly and said I should start smoking again. I used to love him so much and we had so much fun. But behind closed doors he has succeeded in making me hate him. There are much worse behaviors that I could share, but right now I'm feeling lucky that my children are grown, that I can support myself, and that I can leave this hell of a life. I feel very sorry for those of you with young children and no financial means to leave. I have put the house up for sale, (when we met he had nothing, I own everything we have and I will give him half). I just wish I could get him out of my life while I am trying to go forward but he insists on staying and making my life miserable until the process is over. He doesn't want to miss out on his share of everything I have worked for. If he was physically abusive, I could have him arrested, but abusing someone's brain is entirely legal.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I have a friend, who I go to college with. I just found out last night that she is a narccissit. I didn't know it at the time until she started to harass me twice and try to get what she wanted. I had to get away from her because I couldn't handle all the things that were going on. I'm glad that I'm getting on the right track because if I was still friends with her to this moment, it would've been worse.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: pippi,

      i have been through that too. my son is 14. one of the tactics that was used on me is that i am the one with the issues. it constantly keeps you looking and reflecting on yourself -that is how they hide. look at his actions. mines family is extremely loud -agressive etc. i am the daughter of a n. mother too. have you considered leaving the relationship? you and your children- especially your son are supplying him with his energy. n's lack a spiritual foundation. i would love to have and to support someone with similair experiences -i have been in counseling for a couple years and my children and i also receive energy work. it has been helpful i am finally ready to serve papers. other people don't understand. maybe we could exchange through e-mail?

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I've been in a relationship for 25 years. I have 2 kids. My son is 15 and my daughter is 12. Our relations has been pretty tempestuous for all of them. I admit that I do get stubborn, but I also know my own nature is for everyone to get along and I usually try to smooth situations over. My husbands family are loud, aggressive and a simple trip to the kitchen could be up for debate. LOL I noticed more and more through the years the emphasis that was put on them being German. They looked at it as a badge of pride, which is fine. IF your pulling the positive aspects out of it. They emphasize on Hitler and they make jokes about the Jewish people and what they went through. I noticed my husbands need for control over animals. His lack of spirituality was somehow hidden also. NO. I take that back. I probably ignored the signs. Things have gotten pretty bad in the last few years and I've often said that I feel like he's taken over my maternal role with my children. I've gone to my mother in law, my sister, my friends. I couldn't figure out why. I decided to stop letting him take certain roles from me. He would do that. Let me do this for you, you just concentrate on that so your no stressed with all of this. Essentially, he kept me busy while he tended to the business of manipulating me and my daughter into thinking that our relationship (mine and my daughters) was really bad and that my attention only goes to my son. I would try everything to prove this wrong to no avail. Its recently been brought to my attention by one of my sisters that my husband is saying things behind my back. He's always done this while disguising it with his undying love and concern for me. He verbally attacked me again later that day....away from others ears of course. It prompted me to search out this behavior and every single thing he does has led me to the most dangerous and disgusting form of Narcissism. The Covert Narcissist. He's been trying for years to tell me and everyone else that I'm ADHD, and then I'm Bi Polar, then I'm depressed, I'm ocd. Right now we're back to Bi Polar. I haven't written some of the heinous things he's done, its just too much, but in the last day I've seen a new pattern. My daughter and I are great and she's a bubbly little wonder. My son is now exhibiting behavior towards me that is much like his fathers. I'm sick of this Carnival ride. I want off.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      What you are explaining, is more of a mental illness and not narcissism. Everything that you have explained is more like my daughter and not my x-husband. It is actually rare for a woman to be narcissist. I am pretty sure that if she is placed on a anti-depression medication, that you would see a totally different person. My daughter made up things and actually believed what she was saying was the truth, she knew everything but actually really knew nothing. I gave her everything, in fact way too much and if you talk to her I am a horrible person. I am raising her daughter, because if I did not fight for her, she would have been dead, but again she does not see it that way. She will never admit that she is wrong and does not see the world the way a normal person does. When she is on medication, she is actually a different person. See if she will give it a shot, if not, I would move on with your life and stay away from her.

    • kevingomes13 lm profile image

      kevingomes13 lm 5 years ago

      Unless your married or they are your family, dump em! No use blackening your soul with negativity. Narcissism is the worst kind because these people make up excuses that they think are the truth.

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 5 years ago

      @anonymous: JP, in as much as you've read up on NPD I suggest you use the www.Stop-The-Abuse.info link above to get support from Kim and Steve - especially as you will be able to interact, ask questions and get support exactly targeted to your situation.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Hello, I am involved with a woman who exhibits many of the traits associated with NPD, including grandiose visions of herself, lying about her accomplishments, lack of empathy, exploitative behaviors and a constant craving for attention. She claims to be a member of the bar, yet the state bar association told me she has never been a member. She wants to run the department where she works, yet she just started working there a few months ago. She took over the use of my car for her to get her kids to school and herself to work, but never lets me use her car. I have a vehicle provided by my workplace, so she reasons that my car would just be parked if she didn't use it. She mostly insists that I pay for the gas, since it's my car. She offered at one time to help with the car note and insurance, but has never followed up on that. She bought her son a PS3 for Christmas, but won't let my boys use it when her son isn't here, saying they might break it, yada, yada, yada. I helped her pay her rent for a month when she was waiting to start her new job, but she has never offered to pay me back or to pay me back for the movers when we moved in together. She loves to buy new clothes and wear them out for special occasions, but complains about having to pay her regular monthly bills. Recently, I have developed a sleep disorder which causes her much chagrin and lack of sleep, but she doesn't seem the least bit worried about what it's doing to me, only that it interrupts her own sleep. She expects me to attend every school/sporting event for her kids, but will not ever agree to go with me to my sons' events. She has outside friends and a former employer who I think was sexually harassing her, but she won't allow me to contact him or her friends, saying there's no need for me to get involved with them. I think she's hiding something with the old boss, something happened with him that she allowed, not sexual harassment if she wants the attention--right? I think she's hiding something with her friend from out of town, too. Whenever I call her on it, she says I'm being paranoid and suspicious, but I work in law enforcement and can recognize the signs of lying and manipulation. Part of me wants to install a keylogger system on my home computer and get her cellphone bills, but then she says I don't trust her. The simple fact of the matter is that I don't trust her anymore and her behavior is so indicative of hiding secrets that I don't see how I can continue with her. The problem is that I love her and we live together with her kids, who have grown attached to me because I don't treat them like her personal slaves. She wants another child, with me, but I'm 50 and have no real interest in having any more children. She says that's OK, but then constantly reminds me that she still does.

      Having read a lot of literature on NPD, I feel that I have to learn more and to learn to deal with it or get out. We have 3 months left on our lease, and I'm going to give this until then, hoping to try to develop some sort of empathy from her, but I don't hold out much hope. She can be very loving, but she also can be very verbally abusive if she doesn't get what she wants, right that second. When I have asked her about her lies, she doesn't deny anything, but she doesn't answer, either. Instead, she turns it around on me by saying I'm doing her wrong by not trusting her, by thinking she would do something like that, by not just loving and trusting her. She's right about that part, but it's still not an answer. My ex-wife did the same thing when I caught her having an affair. I know the signs. I could go on and on, but would like to hear more about this from others, perhaps some advice on what to do and how to handle my doubts about her. Thanks for reading.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: OMG yes, I am divorcing a narcissistic person and it has been total hell. He placed an assault charge on me, stating that I hit him, which I did not hit him, my forarm actially barely touched his shirt. We have custody of my 3 yr old grand-daughter, which he did not want, until I left and now he has been fighting for her ever since. He convinced the courts that he is the only father figure that she has ever known, and now he has a lot of visitation with her. He is not related to her, nor does he want to adopt her or financially support her. The lies are just unbelievable and I am worn out! How in the world do you get this type of person to go away??? All I wanted was for him to leave my family and I alone and get on with his life, hell no that can't happen, he has to make everyone miserable.

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 5 years ago

      @anonymous: That's great advice! It's vital that the partner, whatever, of the narcissist understands that it's the narcissist who has the problem, not you and that you protect your self image and self worth!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @BellaSKeller: The best thing to do is to always remember that this is not about you but about them, that they have the problem, not you. Do not take the things they say personally. If you do, they have succeeded in gaining power over you and doing harm to you. Don't let them do that to you. Learn to consider the source of the comments, the reasons for the comments (that they're suffering from NPD) and then just ignore the comments. Never take them to heart. I worked for several years with mental patients and have been called every name in the book and accused of everything you can imagine. 1st rule: Don't take it personally. 2nd rule: learn to ignore it. Hard to do sometimes but best not to respond to the comments and to just remove yourself from their presence if possible.

    • profile image

      BellaSKeller 5 years ago

      I'm an 18 year old girl, and in my life I have had to deal with two very narcissistic half brothers. They are in their 30s, and I remember about 4 years ago one of them spit in my face ( when I was 14) and called me all the worst kind of names imaginable, trying to make me feel utterly inferior to him. Which has made me feel insecure with myself.

      And not just me , but I hear him all the time bragging about how he is the best looking person in the world, and how he don't see anyone nearly as talented as himself in sports etc. And he also thinks " women" in general are inferior, and says a lot of crap about women, with me and my little 12 year old sister there.

      He is 33 and lives with me and my mom and sister in our apartment.

      He works as a golf catty and yet brags emmensly about himself in every possible way, and always says degrading things.

      Then my other half brother, always says how he is the best looking person in the world, and ever since I can remember he always would tell me how much better looking he is than me, and mock me , and say degrading things to me ( in a serious and angry manner trying to make me believe every negative thing he is saying about me is true).

      It's hard forgiving them, but I try to, and try to sympathize with them in someway.

      But it's hard not to feel insecure sometimes, due to their treatment.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I'm 46 Divorced from a person I swear is a narcissistic person. I didn't know it until we were Divorced. I didn't know this term was out there but when I read the systems I'm pretty sure this is him. When our daughter was born my husband wasn't there, because he said he didn't want to mess up his award for perfect attendance which he gladly hung on the wall. Anytime we would get in a tiff, he would tell me I don't think right, because I didn't think like him. He blames anybody and everybody for things that go wrong, Never has he ever took any responsibility for anything he has done.

      Everything had to be about him. He moved me away when we got married, didn't like any of my family, or friends, he was so upset that my son didn't like to do what he liked that he would always tell me I should ship him off to his Dad's. If you weren't by his side 24-7 he thought you didn't care and would give you lectures after lectures. He also loves to have things, cars, coins, anything he can collect. I think he defines things on what you own.

      We separated, and his Narcissistic behavior is out of control.

      I don't know if this is part of it, but he will stop at nothing to get what he wants, filing false police reports, playing with the courts, and the courts let it happen.

      The person I feel really bad for his the daughter we share together she has been through hell with her father, she isn't allowed to say how she feels about things, because he tells her he doesn't care, and that whatever he wants to do is how its going to be, because its his time with her, so whether she likes it or not that's how its going to be.

      I wish I would have seen this site before. Anybody dealing with a person like this, its hell that is for sure.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I think I have learned and grown since first coming to this site. Months or maybe a year ago.

      When dealing with narcissistic people, treat them like vampires. Don't let them prey on your emotional blood. Put up your emotional shields and simply stay away from them if you can. Once they find you are not a willing donor for their needed narcissistic supply they won't have any user for you and will leave you alone.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      @anonymous: The individual I was dealing with has a rich father and also has never had to face the pain and suffering or struggles of the average person. I think that leads to arrested mental development in that they exist in a child like state due to the environment in which they're raised with everything being handed to them by Mommy and Daddy. Even at the age of 40, they'll act like spoiled children as they have no experience and therefore no understanding or comprehension of adult life as they've never had to face it. They may be 40 but will act and react as if they're 12 because they have always lived the life of a child.

      I've also witnessed the "drama queen" behaviors. They stir all that up so they can put other people down as stupid, inferior, wrong and guilty of treating them in ways not consistent with their lofty position as the center of the universe. The tantrums, anger and hostility come about when anyone does not support them in that because it's the same as telling them, "No, you're not the center of the universe, not smarter, not superior, not the cats meow, not the creme de la creme." That is an intolerable offense.

      The only thing you can hope is that this person finds someone else to mentally feast upon. If they do, you'll be free of them as they'll concentrate on that person while bad mouthing you to them as "that stupid, inferior person I used to know who was worthless."

      For your sake, may it happen quickly.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I know someone who is pretty much exactly like all the traits that were explained in this article. He has no compassion towards other humans, and thinks too highly of himself. Whenever you disagree with him, it ticks him, and he goes on to defend his point, but whenever you try to defend something you believe in, he calls you out on being defensive. When you call him out on it, he gets really butthurt over it and goes on and on... and just never stops. He's always "right". He is very spoiled, but denies it. He can't and never will, understand the pain and struggles other people have to go through because everything has been handed to him on a silver platter. He thinks the world revolves around him and is always seeking all sorts of drama, verbal and physical. He fiends for props and admiration like a crackhead fiending for drugs. I'm doing my best to cut all contact with him, but he still manages to try and contact me. He is a very, very angry person and never takes no for an answer. I seriously just hope I can just have him cut out. I don't need any negative people in my life trying to hold me back.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      The narcissistic people I've known always take great pride in telling stories of how they showed up people they consider inferior. These people were once "friends" but committed some offense (according to the NPD person) and needed to be "put in their place." They relish bragging on that and seem to delight in the mistaken idea that the rejected person is suffering due to the rejection. The NPD person doesn't seem to realize that the rejected person simply goes on with their life as it never centered around the egotist in the first place. However, in the NPD egotists mind, they seem to envision the person dressed in sackcloth and ashes wandering the streets and bemoaning their fate loudly as they rend their clothing in despair. After all, the sun has been removed from the rejected persons' universe and everything has gone dark. The grubby peasant has been banished from the royal presence!

      On a funny note, I was with an NPD egotist friend at a bar one night and the egotist became a bit tipsy from too much to drink. Imagine this if you will: Seeing an egotist like that walking about the bar and sticking their nose up in the air at someone- only it was their own reflection in a mirror! I laughed until I was almost collapsing on the floor! Of course, he was too tipsy to realize he'd just snubbed himself and felt superior over it. lol. You could see it in his facial expression- the over bearingly arrogant, snotty attitude and the smugness. Having snubbed someone like that (even if it was himself!) seemed to give him a feeling of power and deep satisfaction while reconfiming his own superiority in his own mind.

      And that's the problem with being "friends" with an NPD egotist- your function is to be a mirror for them to admire their greatness in. You exist only for the purpose of stroking their ego.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      All you have to do is log onto Facebook or go shopping to be confronted with narcissism. We all tend to be out for #1 at some point in our lives. I personally can't stand selfish, entitled people. I've gotten rid of several on FB who live their lives in front of their mirror and are always fishing for compliments. I refuse to go Black Friday shopping because people are at their worst on that day, even resorting to physical violence to get what they want, like little immature 2-year-olds. I could easily go to a private island with a few (and I do mean few!) trusted people. It's a selfish world, dog-eat-dog world.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I recently had another issue with a friend who is narcissistic. Anytime I disagree with him on something (which I call "popping the ego balloon"), he has a Princess Tantrum and acts as if he were royalty and everyone else is a grubby peasant who owes him agreement. Since I did not agree, he began screaming, "No one talks to me that way! NO ONE!" Now he's got his nose up in the air, stomping about acting all haughty, offended and like a prima donna. He's Indian (from India) and is always bragging about how he's from the highest class (Brahmin) in India. A lot of his egotism seems to come from his father as his father thinks all white people are "dirty white skins", that he can or could "buy and sell us all in a minute" and everyone in town knows how superior he is and they all "kiss his feet." In any case, having been through this before, there has been no contact for weeks even though we used to hang out several times a week. He's waiting for me to call so he can act all snotty, cold, aloof and offended on the phone. I haven't called and won't because these routines get really old and I'm tired of dealing with them.

      As is, I've had a lot of experiences with the egotism he has. I'd become intimately involved with someone and, after 6 months of spending a great deal of time with them, this egotist screamed at me, "Aren't I important too!?" Two and a half years later, my significant other became terminally ill and I was devastated and spending the whole week at the hospital with them as they lay dying in the ICU. This egotistical friend showed up and when I said, "I just don't know what I'm going to do without them," the egotist haughtily said, "Well! At least YOU have been having fun for a couple of years!" There was no compassion, no empathy at all- just mindless , childish jealousy. A lot of that relates to how the egotist must always be (or consider themselves to be) the center of attention and that everything should revolve around them. Essentially, the egotist acts as if all the world is a stage and they're a one man show. As soon as they appear "onstage" , a bank of floodlights should come on and they should be admired, respected (for no apparent reason or accomplishment-simply existing is enough of a reason for them) and bowed down to.

      As is, in this latest instance, this friend was blowing up another "ego balloon" in that he was claiming that Indian medicines are superior. He's always looking for reasons to feel superior about something. I grew weary of his constant bragging and finally told him that the names of all the medicines he mentioned are actually medicines produced by American companies through research and development here and that the names could be looked up on the Internet and the fact revealed that the medicines are NOT Indian medicines. Yes, I stuck a pin in the latest ego balloon and popped it and so that's how the latest Princess Tantrum came about.

      I feel somewhat sorry for him in that he's been here for twenty years and has been summarily rejected by everyone he's ever met. He even admits they say it's because he's stuck up and egotistical. However, he thens tries to twist everything about to prove how wrong they are and expects agreement that "it's them, not Me!" In the past, i chose to take the diplomatic route and not express an opinion as to who's fault it was and he assumed my reticence equaled agreement when it did not. However, that kept the peace.

      Oh well. I'm done with him as well. There's only so many egotistical princess tantrums a person can put up with.

      If you know an egotist, my best advice is to run.

    • Joan Haines profile image

      Joan Haines 5 years ago

      Hello! You provide very valuable insight here.

    • profile image

      goodeboy09 6 years ago

      I think the key also is that we must also use our emotional intelligence and be able to empathize with the narcissistic personality type and the narcissist likewise. Narcissitics cry for recognition for taking the path of self-positivity, and should be given praise if well-deserved. If a narcissitic begins to become abusive, walking away would definitely benefit them, also. By allow a cool down period and a time to reflect, the narcissitic can also learn to be more empathetic to others. Great lens!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @KeenanSteel: why are you the narcisist? It's very easy for you to utter these words when you do not have a clue on how your actions are affecting those around you. I have heard it over and over again from the narcisist in my life, but just to have him behave exactly the same again...It will never change unless you get professional help. You will continue to hurt and demoralize the ones who loves you the most!

    • rangiiria profile image

      rangiiria 6 years ago

      There are narcissistic people all over the place. I had to distance myself from someone who had narcissistic traits. It was difficult. Thanks for this lens ;)

    • Gypzeerose profile image

      Rose Jones 6 years ago

      Interesting. It is better by far to be alone than to be with someone abusive.

    • profile image

      gherishjhoven 6 years ago

      This is a great lens... lots of thanks for sharing this.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @anonymous: I am so sorry for your loss! You deserved to have had a mother whom loved you with all her soul, and a father whom protected you with all his might. All of God's children deserve to be loved in such away. But it's never to late to own YOUR life! I think there's a point at which you have to step on a new path and choose to live. Staying caught in this need to spread misery to your mother only creates a negative harmony in your life! A vicious circle... You canât keep tally of the offenses, you have to arm yourself and protect yourself from further hurt. Keeping tally only lets your motherâs negative energy continue to zap the remaining life out of you. You indeed have so many years yet to liveâ¦do it with passion and let only positive energies and persons into your life. There is nothing to be gained by receiving anything from her (sheâs proven that with your box), nor is there anything to be gained by spending one more minute of your life wasting away for her love. Blocker her out, toss anything before itâs opened thereâs NOTHING that she has to offer you in this lifetime. If itâs not happened by this point in your life, it will never happen. So learn to protect yourself fiercely and save the years yet to come by stepping above it all. Learn to love yourself enough, and begin to believe that you deserve to have a life filled with ONLY good things! Yes, sometimes that means being selfish to a certain extent. Let the rest go and find peace, otherwise she wins.

    • MariaMontgomery profile image

      MariaMontgomery 6 years ago from Central Florida, USA

      A very helpful lens.

    • KeenanSteel profile image

      KeenanSteel 6 years ago

      This is EXACTLY how people should deal with me :)

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 6 years ago

      @LiteraryMind: You are very welcome. Congratulations on taking action. As you will read in the book, look after yourself first. I wish you well.

    • LiteraryMind profile image

      Ellen Gregory 6 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Thank you so much. I was halfway through this and in tears. Sometimes tears are the start of healing. I just ordered "Will I Ever Be Good Enough"

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      What do you do when the one with NPD is your father, who is the trustee over the family trust with no financial sense. I am the 2nd trustee in line. Dad feels that his revocable as well as deceased wife's (my mother) irrevocable trust are both one and the same? I used to have access to follow the accounts behind the scene, but now Dad (with his newer younger wife) have switched accounts numbers and I am clueless as to what is going on with them. He is being financially exploited in several areas of his life, yet does not appreciate any input from me. Any suggestions?

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 6 years ago

      @anonymous: I know how you feel. Not easy is it Shelly. Have you taken advantage of any of the support materials I recommend on this lens?

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I am a caregiver of a narrcissist. I try to understand the disorder she has but it makes it very difficult. I have to work and at the company I work at, this is the one with the hours. When I am at work, if I'm not depressed when I go there, I will be when I leave. It's terrible. I run out of patience and I have a very high level of patience. Any advice will be very helpful. She refuses Dr.treatment.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Well i just left an abusive and narcassist husband and he still keeps bothering telling me hes not done well im done and need to get help to stay that way for the safety of me and my children. Learning a lot about the disorder has helped me a lot though

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I've dealt with a narcissistic tendency daughter for 8 years now. I walked away because she was wearing me down. Every few months, I receive a call from her, (She won't give me her address) I've researched for the past few days online knowing there was something wrong. I've helped her over the years, but can't do this anymore. Over the years my son and daughter were with me, I have found small pets killed where they did this to vie for my attentions, social services at my request did nothing but say I was doing my best and quite simply I think that there should be research on this illness.

      My daughter has now reached rage stage where I am simply reiterating the help she needs, so she's now threatening to report me for abuse. When there was none.

      I guess I'm just trying to say, please be careful if you have someone living with you (or still connected with you with this disorder.) It's hard to diagnose and it's really hard to prove. Stand up to them straight away by getting help to deal with this behaviour for yourself.

      There's much truth in the saying that, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'

      I wish all those suffering at the hands of such a person, all my very best wishes and hope you find the strength to walk away as I have done, despite still being hounded.

    • quickcutterss profile image

      Mary 6 years ago from Midwest

      I do deal with a narcissistic every day and i'll tell you they can drag you down very fast and drain you of everything. Not a good life.

    • profile image

      riconquistare 6 years ago

      Luckily i've never been in a relationship with someone who had it, and I hope won't happen in the future

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I had a friend who was narcissistic and it got so bad I realized I needed to avoid him because I considered the friendship toxic. Reading your lens has made me even more aware of how troubled this fellow is as he does things to destroy his own well being. Your information was very enlightening. Thank you.

    • sociopath-free profile image

      sociopath-free 6 years ago

      You give some great recommendations on how to deal with this personality type.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @journey103: You're right! I've been working with a narcissist for almost a year. She used to one upped me. At first she drove me batty. Now I'm over it and just ignore her. Plus, I'm transitioning to a new job. Hallelujah!!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Hi I've work with someone who NPD. Although, I've known this person for a few years, I've never spent longer than three hours with her. Now that I've spent long stretches of time with her, I can see that she made people wacky. She one upped me constantly. I made up my mind not to tell her my business, nada- not even little petty things. This person shows zero empathy for living creatures. If she wanted attention, she'd pretend to care. This woman must be murder on her husband,because she was a total drain for me. I would share my experiences with my close friends and they thought I should ignore her. This person would insist on being in my space regardless if I wanyed her there or not. This person is a Narcissist and they do not care about anyone. It's sad that even the doctor said to stay away from such people. They chase people away and that's what they fear, not getting attention and stroking.

    • KANEsUgAr profile image

      KANEsUgAr 6 years ago

      Luckily i've never been in a relationship with someone who had it. But my eldest sister is married more than 13 years to one, and is now going through a divorce.

    • journey103 profile image

      journey103 6 years ago from USA

      Narcissists unfortunately constantly need to steal the show and make every conversation and event about them and how great their life is. If something really good just happened for you, they downplay it. They can't stand anyone elses success, or even let you tell a two minute story without trying to one up you or cut you off. They are insecure people that you cannot have a genuine conversation with, bcause they're too busy blowing sunshine up your butt and bombarding you with picture off of their vanity websites....barf! I say the solutions quite simple. They need an audience to feel good and just make sure it's not you!

    • StopTheAbuseInfo profile image
      Author

      StopTheAbuseInfo 6 years ago

      @anonymous: And if you can't run for any reason you MUST get good professional support to minimize the emotional and other risks. Use the Stop-The-Abuse blue link above.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I was married to narcissist for 24 yrs. i just never knew it until the last 8 years of our marriage. ..and it was HELL and still is. he planned our divorce the most cowardly way you can imagine. he is the master at manipulation,pathological lying,socciopath. he has taken away everything i loved or love including friends and family.he has told lies about me the out come ....i have no one in my life anymore.ive gotten very dpressed angry and ful of hate towards him. so if you are involved with a narcissist......RUN RUN RUN ...RUN AWAY. they can and will destroy you in everyway possible. my ex was also 19 years older than me he had a head start...h knew what he was doing and i fell for it. RUN RUN RUN

    • vkumar05 profile image

      vkumar05 6 years ago

      Narcissism is far more common than we often become aware of. It is largely a personality trait, and most such people pass off as very normal, except for people very close to them, who have to bear the burden of it.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @anonymous: Tao, I'm very sorry to hear that. That is a brutal, most horrific thing to happen. Have you sought help for this trauma?

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @anonymous: sue i pray that things have changed for you since then. i hope this man is dead or suffering badly to the point of death but his sin is keepin him alive torturing him more and more. what a loser i hate him. yu deserve so much more. imagine at the age of 61/62 yu are so out of reach with humanity and emotional intelligence? don't worry i am married to one jus like him, but thanx to the web i am educating myself on how to deal. i wish he cud change b4 its too late and he ends up like your husband. but yu know what? if they doesn't change it will be their loss. God don't sleep my friend...

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      @RomeSal: i was soo frustrated with him dehumanizing me like that i jus logged on and began searching for answers to our prb. only to realize that he has the prb not me. i then sat and spoke to him, and i get that it's a thing from his past passing on to me. but ignorance is a sin because even tho i tried to show him a better way, the tip of the iceberg aint even crack yet! i feel much better tho knowing that i'm not alone in this and a calmness has come over me... i know now what i am dealing with. instead of being angry and hurt by him, i actually feel sorry for him. its so sad to be like that but thank God i am not so.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I didn't know things like this existed.. I wish I would have know about this sooner. I fell in love with a man with this disorder, needless to stay I lost the battle. I was young and not really aware of people like this. I wish so much I had :( to make a very long and complicated story short, we had a very long abusive eight year relationship that ended in one of the worst ways imaginable... the loss of my beautiful 15 1/2 month old baby boy :( his father drown him one month after we separated. I never thought people were capable of such horrific behaviors, and to their own children... I just don't understand :(