I've been an online writer for over nine years. From relationship advice to self-help, I like to write about it all!
Hatred. Disappointment. Rejection. Sadness. Anger.
Are you dealing with any of these feelings and emotions simply because someone is talking behind your back? It is time you put a stop to all that. Here's a helpful and no-nonsense look into why people talk behind your back—and what you can do about it.
Why Do People Talk Behind Your Back?
1. You are an achiever.
In many cases, people will talk behind your back when you've achieved something that they can't. Enviable progress often sparks conversations behind your back. People who are extremely successful often have to break out from the shell of the norms of society and culture in order to reach their position, and this very fact may be the reason why people are gossiping behind your back, whether it is in school, college, or at the workplace.
Let's look at Justin Bieber, for example. We are not going to debate about whether he is a good singer or not. But haven't we seen the millions of posts saying "I hate Justin Bieber" on the internet? That's because Justin has managed to break or circumvent many of the norms of traditionally good music.
2. They are jealous of the good things in your life.
Let's begin this with a classic workplace scenario. Mr. X joins ABC Ltd. Less than six months after joining the company, he is promoted and becomes a manager. Mr. Y and Miss Z, on the other hand, have been working in the company for the past two years, and have been eagerly waiting to be promoted to the same post. As a result of Mr. X's promotion, Mr. Y and Miss Z keep talking about Mr. X behind his back all day long.
Being promoted in the workplace was just one example. Unfortunately, when people become jealous of something you've done or received, they will talk behind your back.
3. They want to fit in.
According to anthropologists, gossip may have had a role in our evolution as a species—it helps humans bond with each other, and helps members of a group identify those who aren't supporting the group. Put into a modern environment, gossip still serves as a way to identify those who are and aren't "in" with the main group, whether that be in the classroom or at the office.
4. They've got nothing better to do.
The fact that people are talking about you means that they haven't got anything better to do. We'd all want our lives to be more productive and more meaningful than gossiping and bitching about others. This leads to one simple fact. Their lives are miserable and pitiable.
What to Do When People Talk Behind Your Back
1. Silence is the best response to a fool.
One of the first things you have to understand is that, most of the time, there's nothing you can do about gossip. You may be able to silence one person to stop talking about you when you're not around, but how many people can you really convince?
Steve Jobs, for example, had a lot of critics who dismissed his management style marketing tactics, and even his personality—and you probably do too! No matter what you do and how good you are at something in life, there will always be people who think otherwise. They will talk behind your back in an attempt to pull you down.
2. Understand that they don't matter.
The people who talk behind your back obviously aren’t important in your life. If they really were, they wouldn't be talking about you! Your true happiness lies your progress and well being as an individual, as well as that of your loved ones. What everyone else has to say, think, or feel about how you live your life does not and should not affect your happiness or state of mind. Realize this before it's too late.
3. Smile confidently when you walk past them.
The biggest blow to anyone gossiping behind your back is the sight of you walking by with a confident smile that says "I know you talk behind my back, but I don't care." And if you really want to take this battle up a notch, put some zing into your step and walk as if you are the happiest person in the world. The person who keeps talking about you will be sure to notice.
4. Laugh it off.
One of the biggest blows you can give to the people who talk about you is your happiness. The fact that you are not affected or bothered by their talk is a big defeat to them.
5. Don't feel victimized.
As you may have realized by now, people might begin to talk about you when you have done something that others are jealous of. It's not you that they hate—it's your success. They would do the same to any other person in your position.
6. Build your own support system.
We all have friends and colleagues who watch out for us. If you don't, there's no reason to panic—we all have to start somewhere, don't we? Start by being nice to the people around you. Make a conscious effort to be polite, courteous, and respectful every single day. Show people that you're a good person, and their friendship will follow. Creating a following and a support system takes years, so be patient and treat every day as a challenge.
7. Plan your confrontation well.
Throwing a fit or overreacting in a situation like this is not going to help your cause. It will only show that you've been affected by what people are saying about you. Be relaxed and show that you are unperturbed by the rumors and gossip that have been going around. If you must react or confront a situation to clear up a rumor or misunderstanding, plan it well. Talk to the people you have to behind closed doors so there is no audience.
Don't React to the Negativity
Anybody who has achieved fame, wealth, or any other kind of success will have people talking about them behind their back—and to their face. Barack Obama, Kim Kardashian, Steve Jobs, Mohammed Ali, and Julia Gillard are just a few of the many people who are or have been criticized and ridiculed by people behind their backs.
Despite the fact that they were criticized and talked about by millions around the world, they were all successful in their own right. They are all living their dreams. Whether you agree with how they've achieved their dreams and whether that is the right way or not, they are still achievers.
Success Is the Best Revenge
You're not going to win this battle by arguing with each and every individual who talks behind your back. You are not going to win by throwing punches. And you're definitely not going to win by feeling disappointed and slouching in your chair at home. The only way you can get past this is by continuously improving your self and doing what you have been doing for your own happiness. Beat the odds and go for greater heights. What have you got to lose?
NerdFreeBird on September 03, 2020:
Everything was great except the Justin Beiber example Lol
People who are real connoisseurs of good music do dislike JB. But that dislike arises out of frustration toward the people's (especially teenagers) collective mentality to glorify mediocre artists more for their looks and persona rather than their music. It is ca resentment about the fact that artists who are way more talented than JB and are truly into music industry, rather than entertainment industry, don't get the deserved appreciation or recognition.
email@example.com on June 08, 2020:
A person here in lacrosse ks her name is healthervgray and my name allover on facebook and annernate and the cops dont do nothing about it she wont stop talking behind my back couse of i dont help her she has her own familyhealther gray lives here in lacrosse a adult big and fat that know how to stop been tow facetalking about you
firstname.lastname@example.org on June 07, 2020:
A person here in lacrosse ks her name is healthervgray and my name allover on facebook and annernate and the cops dont do nothing about it she wont stop talking behind my back couse of i dont help her she has her own family
Nancy on April 30, 2020:
Such a nice article.. I was feeling pretty low as I'm in essential services and my neighbours are asking me why I'm still going to the office and talking behind my back.. feeling better after reading these tips..
Joseph on March 24, 2020:
Im in elementry school and a big group of mean kids bully me,tease me and talk behind my back. But what i hate is how they start to speak a diffrent language like german wich i will never know. :(
raquel on March 06, 2020:
Just happened to me. my co-workers were talking about me in different language.
Laura on January 12, 2020:
Thank you for this read. I constantly on a daily basis have to work with mean two faced women. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it hurts me so bad when they talk behind my back. I give them no reason for this. I try to be a good person and I think I am, but they are jealous individuals and will find anyway to disgrace me. Yes they act like my best friends to my face. It’s worse then HS oh wait I mean middle school. It really bothers me and I try to not let it, I’m getting better at it but reading things like this do help.
Carol on December 17, 2019:
Kill them with kindness ! Reverse psychology !
on December 06, 2019:
Want to kill myself. They won’t stop
Reggi on October 23, 2019:
Thank you so much - this has made me feel much better and helped guide me through this! :)
Edna on July 28, 2019:
Thank you so much for this. It helps me a lot.
h. jogen singh on June 21, 2019:
must take care it will correct them
Tenzin911 on YouTube on May 12, 2019:
Thank you guys so much you helped me a lot.
JessiB on May 11, 2019:
Thank you so much for this informational and helpful article. Your writing is masterful and your style is very confident. People can be petty, cruel and hurtful. But I look at their behavior this way. Each rude comment just makes me look better and the gossiper looks worse by the minute. The decent people of the world, the ones I truly care about befriending, will have enough sense to see through the gossiper's crap immediately. In time, I will become more powerful, with a slew of friends behind me. Your article made me feel so much better. Thank you again.
Jack on May 04, 2019:
Awesome tips..keep up the good work.
Kayla on April 26, 2019:
Kids are talking about my friend behind their back. Should I tell him
Amy on April 23, 2019:
My friend keeps talking to me behind my back and acts nice in front of me. She says she'd rather have no friends than be friends with me. My other friends are supporting me, but I feel depressed. What should I do?
Lilly Atkins on April 23, 2019:
this really helped me mentally and physically, thankqq
Marissa Tabacon Siesmundo on April 23, 2019:
Thank you for sharing this kind of mental ability ,this help me positively,and usefullness,,
Isabella Lesher on March 08, 2019:
Thank you I was having a bad day and was crying and when I came in this guy who was nice to me was talking crap about me and he tried to be nice he was like "are you ok" and i was like "why do you care" but i do care a lot I really appreciate this article
tricia louis on March 04, 2019:
Two month ago my husband left me and abandoned our kids with me without saying a word to me, no phone calls, no texts and when i text him he don't reply until this very faithful day i was reading a blog post about single moms and how they do cope, i was scrolling through the comment section when i came across someone's comment who testified about the great work of this man, i quickly copied his email address and contacted him straight and explained to him all i was passing through and he said my daughter you don't have to worry anymore you have come to the right place for help. He told me what i needed to do which i did without hesitation. Behold the next morning i heard a knock on the door only for me to find out it's my husband who has left me for 2 months on his kneels crying and apologizing for all the pains he has caused me. I felts as if i was dreaming but i soon realized that i wasn't, it was my husband, he came back to me. Thank you so much Lord spiritual. Am forever grateful.. I have promise to announce this to the world in appreciation for your good gesture. if you are facing similar challenges in your marriage or relationship do not hesitate to reach him..
Read more on his blog:
Jane on March 02, 2019:
I really needed this today. I was at my physical therapy today. And heard a couple if workers talking about me. They dont even know on a personal level.
Sandra on February 27, 2019:
I needed this. Today, a classmate of mine talked crap about me next to my other classmate even though I was next to her!
Kamy on February 22, 2019:
You know, I really needed this today. I was on the bus today and today was the day that we got assigned seats. People blamed it on me and it made me sad, but I didn't really pay them much attention because I told myself that I am perfect in every way and they don't matter. I mean, I have doubts sometimes but I am happy that I am not caring about it. Thank you, I really needed this article.
Marii on February 08, 2019:
Peopke are always talking about me. I dont know what i do so wrong to people. Everything that i do gets ridiculed and made fun of, vasically turned into something bad. Amd im so sick and tired of it. And im always thinking about suicide, but i cant bring myself to do it. But i guess thats a good thing. I just need some motivation. Becuase i HATE myself.
Fatima Escamilla on January 16, 2019:
Two girls at my school talk bad about me behind my back. They say that my reputation is going down and their's isn't. They say that I'm the worst person ever. All the time at lunch the girls take pictures of me. I'm so tired of that and the principal doesn't do nothing about it.
Ryan on January 08, 2019:
I'm talked about behind my back constantly in public and then they turn around with a sneaky smile to themselves and won't even look at me . its because they think that somehow i think i'm better than them . I've had a following in this city for over 10 years now and it won't stop now its a following of haters i'm putting up with it but its ruining my life and my relationships .
Shanice Russell on December 17, 2018:
When people talk about me I feel bad and mad because if they wanted to talk about me, why don't they just come up to my face and say it?
Khan on December 01, 2018:
Very interesting and useful article.
Karyn on October 28, 2018:
People in my workplace glare stare and spread rumors throughout the building and I just ignore and keep it moving. Because I don't engage in running my mouth and don't watch others several of my coworkers try to test me including the boss. You obviously are doing something right in your life and they are not so keep it moving smile and remember Jesus has your back.
Lethabo on October 15, 2018:
Guys i do try to calm down n not minding what they say but every single day they ralk about me n it hurts...what should i really do?
Robert on October 05, 2018:
Hello.Well all I can say is that it really does not matter what people say about others.Because only what you think about yourself is what matters.Hey Ive caught myself trapped into "Negitivity"and that is one of my down falls which I quickly recover from.I am a member of Alcoholics Anonamous.With 18 years sober and my Ego and Pride still get in the way but not to the point where it interferes with my reasoning.Also I am Schitzophrenic.Which leads to some very interesting thoughts about this topic. Well there you have it.God Bless and take care..
Anonymous on September 09, 2018:
I believe it because it "feels" true, but is there any research that correlates gossiping and low self-esteem? Like, does trash talking indicate that the gossiper has low self-esteem? I would like to read some research about this.
Anonomyous on August 07, 2018:
There are people out there that will name call and/or gossip behind your back either in school or workplace constantly. This is not bullying just worthless talk. Almost everyone does it because of jealously, hate, got better to do, etc. If you think this is happening, then don't think about it. Continue to be positive, ignore them and do for youe goals. By doing this, you will deflect any bad things and by being kind, people will see that your a good person.
Anon on June 27, 2018:
This happens everywhere from school to workplace. At least 95% of the people do this. All you do is ignore and continue to improve yourself. Screw those people.
Lmisha on May 04, 2018:
My friends are talking behind my back and when I look at them they act like they are not.im really sad!!I don't know what to do,i have been crying all day
Anonymous on April 26, 2018:
I found this article very relatable. I put 100% into everything that I do and my determination pays off. I have always had "friends" in university talking behind my back and I know for a fact that it is comes down to envy. They can't get their head around the fact that I have consistently done better than them, they constantly ask for help and then talk behind my back. I put an end to it by ignoring them. Some people are not worth your time. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
Person on April 04, 2018:
I really found it useful because people gossiped about my friend and it was getting bad and so I helped them sort it out. Thanks for this website.
Hareth Qureshi on March 19, 2018:
I love to hear gossips on me because when they gossips on me i come to know their mentality its my favourite subject. not even their mentality their deeds, character, and their Judging capability as well.
So, don't give attention on them and just think these are the people jealous on you, not it is easy to understand to differ with other good peoples.
KpopFan12 on March 06, 2018:
Thanks! I'm not really affected by people who talk bad about me cuz ive got a YouTube channel and you know, there are loads of hate comments on that website. Anyways, today this girl was talking behind my back, saying that my voice was annoying and that she hates me because of a girl that i am best friends with (my best friend and my ex-best friend used to best mates but now they HATE each other and the girl, who spoke crap about me, is friends with my ex-best friend). The reason I know this is because of one of friends told me about it. This really made me laugh because she gets into trouble a lot and is a trouble maker so ignore the bad comments, people!
Dan on January 20, 2018:
Good article. You know, people will always have issues about anything. They will either talk good or bad behind you. Just ignore the bad ones. It isn't worth your time to argue or persuade that person otherwise. You got better things to do. Other than that, be positive.
Anonymous on January 16, 2018:
I wore makeup to school and people were saying it looked bad on me. (i know it didn't because i went to go get it done at Sephora) So i went to wash it off, which took about 10 minutes because a lot of the makeup was waterproof. When i walked into the classroom this girl Isabella was telling people "Oh my god I can't believe she was in the bathroom for so long." So now every one thinks i was in there..uh..you know. Which is embarrassing.
Padmaja on January 11, 2018:
Thanks a lot... it has helped me... henceforth i will do the same..☺☺
Dan on November 19, 2017:
Thank you so much, this has helped lots.
When I first moved in to my apartment my neighbour used to chat to me and was a real friendly guy. One day i let him in my kitchen and he was like “wow i’m so jealous of your apartment it is so nice are you rich? Id be embarrased to let you see mine its horrible” i told him no i am not rich i’m bit of a neat and tidy guy . A few weeks later he suddenly ignores me and now makes up crap about me, and talks behind my back even turning his girlfriend who i have never even spoken to before against me. He tells her crap and because she is his girlfriend she automatically believes it! I have an active life and friends and always busy wheras he does not work and spends all time with girlfriend smoking. Can only pinpoint he is jealous
May on August 13, 2017:
so basically everytime i meet someone new they trash talk me the first thing. i do absolutely nothing and i just act normal, but some how they still trash talk me
Craycray on August 10, 2017:
Every day I get bullied behind my back and because of this I lost all my friends and tomorrow the first day of a new grade and I don't know what will happen always depressed and no one outside of school knows about it some days during school I can't hold my head up.
Aleksandra on February 10, 2017:
This is a very good article. Today during guitar class, we had to do this group guitar playing thing. I'm not so good at guitar and this girl would laugh and then pretend like I'm an idiot or something and scream to my face. Whenever I played my part wrong her and another girl would laugh behind my back, as if I couldn't hear them, or they would roll their eyes. All I was thinking is that some people take longer then others to learn some stuff, and that they should not be judged. This article helped out thanks!
Tan M on September 05, 2016:
Thank you! I'm always very concerned about what other people think of me. I do not want my Reputation to be damaged by people who try to make me look unprofessional or worse, as if I lack integrity. Because I pride myself on integrity. But reading your article is great! Your article reminds me that as long as I walk on straight paths and I'm not doing anything wrong, only God's and my own opinion matter to me.
CrisSp from Sky Is The Limit Adventure on April 18, 2014:
Good points indeed! Happens everywhere specially in the work place. One word for them: "insecure".
Well, what's the saying again? "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” --
Colleen Swan from County Durham on February 08, 2014:
Some useful tips and discussion that one can share with children who are both sensitive or suffering with back biting.
Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on January 23, 2014:
I hate office intrigues, where people put down others whom they consider a threat and it goes on and on. It can be such a ridiculous game and it's sad that people think they have to do this to get ahead. Your observations, statements and advice are spot on. One thing I learned -- in the Philippines we have this term, parinig, which means we don't just gossip behind your back but in front of you without mentioning your name. I guess in the States they call it heckling. I have found that if you can completely ignore it and they see that their shenanigans are not working, they finally give up. But it's very difficult to do.
Michelle Natalie from California on January 23, 2014:
Hey Princess...this happens at work too. With many people I may add. Me, friends, and others. It's true people when people talk behind your back they are just jealous. Ignore and move on. Great tips!
anonymous on February 18, 2013:
I am a freshman in highschool and I have been going to the same school my whole life with the same people. I live in a small town with a lot of talk and my family isn't the most well off family ever. Anyway there are these girls in my grade who talk about me behind my back and it really got to me when one said "She thinks that she has money because she wears Miss Me jeans." So now I am not only afraid to walk past these mean girls at school but I am afraid to wear the kind of clothes I want.
jeen on October 31, 2012:
like like like
Jahmila on October 04, 2012:
Great points. Usually when people talk behind someone's back is because they are either a) bored with their own life and have nothing else to discuss with other people b) you had/have an impact on them in some way. I mean think about it. Who is actually taking their time to converse about someone else behind their back when they could just go and say it to their face and settle it. i guess it is just hard for some people do that. I think it is best for people to use their words to either a) discuss growth, things they can do with their life, and etc of that nature b) good things about others/events/etc...
I know gossip seems fun and the media makes it seem that way but really all it does is give one side of the story and exposes someone's life. There are better things to do that hate/discuss what someone did. Get a life. lol..really tho. :)
Vespa Woolf from Peru, South America on July 28, 2012:
What great advice! You're so right...the best revenge is living well. We can't stop the criticism but we can learn to cope with it. A belated congrats for HOTD, too. Voted up!
Forever Inspired on March 30, 2012:
thanks I enjoyed reading this article. Very true about the reasons why people talk behind your back. Maybe if they spent more time focusing on their own progress they would not even care what other people are doing.
Ishwaryaa Dhandapani from Chennai, India on March 29, 2012:
This is an extremely well-written hub with an equally eye-catching topic that syncs well with this engaging subject being tackled very well by you! We should ignore others who gossip about us and do our own work. It do a lot of good for us! This is much well-deserved hub of the day! Well-done! I like your examples under the eye-opener. I often use examples as well as enjoy reading other example-based hubs.
Thanks for SHARING. Useful, Awesome & Interesting. Voted up.
grace+georgia on February 02, 2012:
i found this hub very interesting.. its helped us a lot.. thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;)
Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on January 29, 2012:
thanks for sharing this...it is sad that some find it necessary to 'talk behind someone's back' and what is sadder is that others listen. shame on them.
if one is not thickskinned, it can be very painful and stressful especially if what is being said is mean spirited.
your suggestions of how to deal with it are sound ones...well said.
Samad Aslam Khan on January 27, 2012:
It is one of the best hub I read yet while I'm on Hubpages. It's quite informative and interesting. Title is awesome.
Shauntforever from San Bernardino, CA on January 19, 2012:
I already know I'm admired. So I expect it!
princesswithapen (author) on December 29, 2011:
You are right, jealousy is a common reason why people talk behind your back. The fact that you don't care about all this shows that you are much above these dirty tricks. Well done, you sure seem poised for bigger things in life.
lzlpio90 on December 22, 2011:
What i say when i know someone is talking behind my back? I would just put in mind that "I don't care because they don't matter to me..." LOL.
Really, the most common reason for these is yes, if you are an "achiever". People getting jealous over you and starting to find some of your faults... If they can't find, then this is when the rumors start.
princesswithapen (author) on November 13, 2011:
Your comment means a lot especially because your thoughts agree with the points mentioned in this hub. It is great to see when people can relate to what you write, isn't it? I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Moira Garcia Gallaga from Lisbon, Portugal on November 13, 2011:
I loved this hub, very relevant topic and you share some wonderful insights and thoughts about how to deal with this situation. I wholeheartedly agree with the points you raise. Thank you for sharing this.
princesswithapen (author) on November 11, 2011:
Hi Super Single Mom
Thanks heaps for the feedback. I love it when readers like what they are reading. Especially when it comes to such a sensitive topic.
Super Single Mom on November 10, 2011:
This is GREAT! Thank you! All so very true.
princesswithapen (author) on November 08, 2011:
"..life is too short to worry about people who don't matter.." Very true! Family and friends are indeed out pillars of support.
Thanks for stopping by!
TransferOnTheSpot on November 08, 2011:
Very interesting hub. I completely agree that most people who crap are just jealous of what the other person has achieved and life is too short to worry about people who don't matter. All you need is family and close friends.
princesswithapen (author) on November 08, 2011:
Wow! reeltaulk you've really put up a solid post which lays out a lot of key points. For one, I have to agree that these people will always be on your back. Second, people often talk behind your back to deter or break you. And that fact should be used as motivation to keep going and eventually succeed. Most successful people really don't need to fight situations like these because their success itself is enough to silence the critics.
Your comments have added a lot of value and wisdom to this topic. Much appreciated and thanks for taking the time to dissect this topic!
reeltaulk on November 07, 2011:
Hi again princess......Anupa I agree with your post! The only thing I have to say about back biting is it is a means to a way of allowing that person to break you and deter you from being who you were meant to be. If you notice, they are always on your back, mainly trying to scold you and make you just as insecure as they are. That's why it is very important to recognize these types. They are never consistent with their behavior(outside of being negative) they never have great advice to give and when they do, they try to make it seem great with their approach (showing concern/sincerity )but in all essence doom is written all over what they have to offer. They are never sincere and strings are always attached to everything they "share" and do for you!
princesswithapen (author) on November 06, 2011:
On a general basis, we all should try to avoid being a part of this. You are right. Thanks heaps for commenting!
Wow I'm humbled by your comment. It is heart warming to read the appreciation. Thanks a ton.
your comment is like the words of a wise man. Thanks for adding value to this hub.
I'm glad you've gotten over those phobias and notions you had earlier. Thanks for reading and commenting!
It feels great to receive feedback from you fellow hubbers like yourself. Thanks for stopping by.
You've made a solid comment. I love your line "..We each choose our own path, are are responsible for our own happiness. It is not up
to others to 'make' us happy.."
"..from reasons not even a rodent can understand.." Haha that was epic!
I'm glad you liked it.
If only life was that simple! But you're right. It happens to most of us and there is no need to be upset.
tanvon on November 04, 2011:
Dr Anupma Srivastava from India on November 03, 2011:
Great Post..... It mostly happens in everyone's life. Backbiting shows that you are special, so one need not to become upset. It is the time of merriment that people are talking about you........
htodd from United States on November 03, 2011:
Thanks for the great post..nice
reeltaulk on November 02, 2011:
I forgot to add princess, Yes these people are sooooooooooooo unimportant but for some strange and distant reason their bulls shit somehow becomes priority. Every time I see someone I don't care for that I have to deal with "professionally" I'm like Hey!!! Just to be "mature" and carry on.....but some times I really want to be like...Oh Boy You again!!! But then there are those times I just let them have it so they can keep their distance and I don't have to entertain "bipolar behavior" by "being nice" and know damn well I don't want to! It just feels better to keep your distance from someone who doesn't like you for reasons not even a rodent can understand. Just the thought of who they are overall is repulsive especially if they can stoop so low with things that are so simple and trivial....Ok Ok I've said enough Good night! lol
reeltaulk on November 02, 2011:
May be so DzyMsLizzy, but the folk I'm talking about are the "normal ones" that are constantly smiling but are really frowning!
Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on November 01, 2011:
RE: reeltaulk's 1st paragraph: ... ... Ummmm... don't they call those folks
reeltaulk on November 01, 2011:
It NeVER fails.....some people are so low and bored with their lives they will trump up and make up things about others just to have something negative to say. (I believe this is called reflection/projection...whatever) They do this so the individual they envy will be on the same scum level as they are. Then they turn around and convince another bored fools into believing a lie that they will also live to tell and revel in as well. It just never ends. My best suggestion to anyone that has to entertain these type of people as well as be in their midst on a day to day basis, sensing and having to breath whatever negative energies that are spewing from their pores...Ignore them! This is not a tactic to get back or make them feel any way because they can't feel any worse than how they are feeling. Igonore them as though they don't exist and carry on your merry way. There is absolutely NO need to pay anyone as such attention. Whatever little you give them them will take that opportunity to do more damage than they already think they are doing! lol You have to laugh at this because somewhere inside their shallow head they believe their actions should affect you.....Ciao
Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on November 01, 2011:
Excellent points, all. It reminds me of the old saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." You could simply substitute 'words' for 'names' and have the same meaning.
If you are hurt, jealous, angry, etc. over what someone says, it is only because you have, within yourself, allowed them to hurt you--in effect, given them permission to have that kind of power over you.
The choice remains yours: ignore it and go your merry way, or give it power and life and let it destroy you. It's up to each of us to decide for ourselves whose opinions matter, and whose do not. We each choose our own path, are are responsible for our own happiness. It is not up to others to 'make' us happy.
That is why I feel that all this hoopla about 'bullying' (especially so-called 'cyber-bullying') is such a crock of --shall we say, for decorum's sake-- nitrogenous waste material! Each person who allows that sort of thing to 'get to them' has, in fact, given power to their tormentors. 'Nuff said!
rorshak sobchak on November 01, 2011:
Excellent hub! Well written, great detail. You deserve hub of the day! Congratulations!
arusho from University Place, Wa. on November 01, 2011:
This is great advice! When I was in junior high, some friends of mine talked behind my back, and I was crushed. I became very afraid and thought everyone were talking behind by back. That lasted a long time for me as I developed phobias. I'm strong today, thank goodness. I think it really boils to down to confidence, and as a teenager I didn't have much. I will definitely pass this advice on!
rogerwaters from Arizona, USA on November 01, 2011:
Bullying is a social disease. No seminar, talk show can control this. It is the only way to avoid all talk backs. As I think, it is better to think that when someone is talking behind you, it is confirmed that you are doing something right. In my personal life, whenever my relatives (not my parents)or my so called well-wishers said something against my own view of life, I got more strict on my track and finally when success has come in my life, I have seen those very people are just licking my feet for getting some advice of success for their children. I just want to forgive them. A neglecting laugh is enough for their mental punishment...
Denise Handlon from North Carolina on November 01, 2011:
Good article with useful info. Congrats on the hub of the day. Looks like you are really going strong in just 4 short months.
Textured Ideas on November 01, 2011:
Congratulations on being hub of the day! It is well deserved. I agree its important to instead try and focus on our own lives and not let negative people get to us, if possible. A joy to read and such a positive article!
Brenda Trott, M.Ed from Houston, TX on November 01, 2011:
Excellent tips, I especially like your list of reason why people do this to each other. Just as everyone has experienced someone talking about them, they have also participated in this type of activity once or twice in their life. Its important to put a stop to it when you find yourself in the middle don't you think? I've heard myself say "Come on guys, [yes, guys]he's not here to defend himself."
Congrats on being featured, it's a hub worth reading!
princesswithapen (author) on October 19, 2011:
That's wishful thinking, Simone!
On a serious note, it is generally considered that the people who can eliminate the effect of such things are generally happier and more successful in their lives. Yes, it is easier said than done. But who said anything about easy when it came to living a happy life?
I'm glad you liked this hub!
Simone Haruko Smith from San Francisco on October 19, 2011:
What an excellent Hub. If only these things couldn't get to us!
princesswithapen (author) on October 18, 2011:
The unfortunate part about these situations is that such insecurities often get to the best of us. As annoying as they may be, some people always seem to have all the time in the world to indulge in some such. I'm glad you liked this hub!
princesswithapen (author) on October 18, 2011:
You've got the perfect attitude! "I don't care and smile" is one of the best weapons against times when people talk behind your back.
Cathy from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri on October 18, 2011:
Really good hub. It's interesting how childish behavior and the effects of insecurities stay with certain mindsets. I also equate this to gossiping, which I find very annoying, but never let it overshadow my goals. Thumbs up to you.
AureliaMilani on October 18, 2011:
The most importantly the right attitude of all those things that say behind your backs!!! You can say: "I don't cary and smile", such reaction you should have guys)))
princesswithapen (author) on October 18, 2011:
You're right. People happy in their own skin have little to worry about what others have to say behind their backs. It may be a bit hard for a younger person to implement this. But that's the whole idea, isn't it? The quicker that we all realize that happiness comes from within, and not from what others have to say about you, the better.
Thanks for stopping by!
Theresa Ast from Atlanta, Georgia on October 17, 2011:
Very thorough and reasonable advice about how to deal with this situation. Helpful Hub.
tom hellert from home on October 17, 2011:
good advice but-hard to complete as a younger person for sure- not until kids-people are happy in their own skin will they be truly happy- its tougher for the younger folks for sure
princesswithapen (author) on October 17, 2011:
Great elaboration on the existing example! I definitely agree that this is very common. And there's really no point wasting time and energy behind putting much thought into what others have to say, unless it hurts you professionally or financially. You've made a solid comment which adds a lot of weight to this hub. Thanks!
princesswithapen (author) on October 17, 2011:
Hi lady rain
"..Life is too good to worry about other people who are jealous of what you have.." You've made a beautiful statement. Life is indeed, too good to be worried about what others have to say about you.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Husky1970 on October 17, 2011:
People talking behind others' backs is incredibly common, both socially and in the workplace. You have brought up some excellent points and provided some very sound advice, princesswithapen.
In the case of the workplace, the problem can sometimes be headed off. Mr. X could immediately meet with both Mr. Y and Miss Z, alone and separate, to let them know that he is aware of their disappointment and that it was not his fault that he was selected for promotion, but rather his abilities and expertise. He may win them over or they may still harbor resentment and talk behind his back. If they chose the latter, it only supports the decision to pass them over for promotion.
Another excellent and useful hub, P. Voted up, useful, and interesting.
lady rain from Australia on October 17, 2011:
Princess, great advice. I have people talk behind my back all the time. That does not bother me at all because I am in control of my own life and I like to do things my own way. Life is too good to worry about other people who are jealous of what you have.