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Ten Things That Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women

What makes your claws come out?
What makes your claws come out? | Source

When the Claws Come Out

A few years ago, I sat amongst a lovely group of church women whom I hardly knew and listened in as they engaged in the same kind of conversation almost every group of women have when they sit down to share a meal together: The fat talk. You know how it goes, girls: “Oh, I really shouldn’t be eating this” or “I just can’t seem to lose the last ____ (fill in the blank) pounds after the baby” or some explanation of what we are doing to lose weight. One woman spoke up about a new book she had read on the topic, addressing the way we think about food. All of the ladies listened in, hoping to find the new secret to weight loss.

“How are we supposed to think about food?” I asked. Up until then I had kept quiet, knowing my place as the lightest woman at the table. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us?!” The woman snapped back. Stunned, I gulped down the food in my mouth before I choked on her words. What just happened?

For all of the women who have found themselves in the same awkward place, wondering what they’ve done to cause the nails to come out in their female counterparts, I have comprised a list of the top 10 things that make women threatening to other women.

Pay attention and remember: Any one of these things can put you on the outskirts of female companionship, and any combination of these qualities can make you a double or even triple threat. If you have all 10, I might hate you, too!

#1: Beauty

You don’t have to believe it for it to be true. If the women around you think you’re prettier than them, your fate is sealed. The prettier you are, the more threatened the women around you will feel. Your mere presence makes them feel like an ogre standing next to you. If they are single, they will see you as the competition. If they are married, they will see you as the seductive temptress desiring to steal their man. My advice? Short of bodily mutation (that was a joke, not a suggestion), there is not much you can do other than play it down. V-necks and mini-skirts will only make your problems worse.

#2. Intelligence

It’s okay to be smart, so long as the people around you aren’t reaching for a dictionary to translate your last sentence. The bigger the words, the smaller your audience feels. Until you know the people around you, keep the conversation light and the mood lighter. Most people just want to have fun. Those brainiacs out there are smart enough to know that your lecture on “Relational Holiness: An Integrative Paradigm for our Time” is alienating the people around you!

Source

#3. Hard Work

Whether you are the stay-at-home mom who cooks every meal from scratch with organic ingredients grown in your own garden or the professional woman who performs every task above and beyond the call of duty, your “good, better, best, never let it rest” attitude is making everyone else look bad. I know what you’re thinking: those lazy, half-mast, bare-minimum bums need to rise to the occasion or just let it go. Unfortunately, the only thing they want to see go is you.

#4. Pecking Order

There are some women who try to bond by putting other women (outside of the group) down (aka gossiping). They are judgemental, critical, and cold. If she does it to them, she’ll do it to you, so watch out! The most critical people are often the ones who have been the most criticized. Take pity on her, but don’t get too close, she bites!

#5. Confidence

My grandma used to say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” Well, don’t. Misery loves company, and if the woman’s name is Misery, she’ll hate you. It’s okay to know and like who you are as long as you aren’t in love with who you are. When you walk into a room, does your presence say, “Here I am!” or “There you are”? Like yourself, but love others, or they will hate you.

Gossip and the Pecking Order of Women
Gossip and the Pecking Order of Women | Source

#6. Dressed to Impress

To some women, a pair of high heels is the same as fishnet stockings and a tramp-stamp. Don’t ask me why, but high heels strike fear in the souls of all your flip-flopping, ballet-flatty, tennis-shoe-sporting friends. Maybe you just like to play dress-up, but the women around you won’t care. They will question your motivation until their insecurity eats both them and you alive. Know the dress code and don’t over-do it. There is a thin line between flashy and trashy. Once the women perceive that you’ve out-dressed them, the only line you will be crossing is the one marked “enemy territory.”

#7. Weight

It doesn’t matter how much you weigh if you are skinnier than someone else. And the thinner you are, the easier you are to dismiss. It’s not because you are so small that they can’t see you, it’s because they are ignoring you. The heavier woman is prone to think that the thinner woman just doesn’t know what it is like. She is less likely to be vulnerable with you, fearing your judgment of her. She is less likely to invite you to the pool with her family because she doesn’t want her husband to see you in a swimsuit. Don’t want to gain weight to fit in? Then wear baggier clothing.

#8. Strong Personality

This kind of woman has an opinion on everything, and she’s not afraid to share it. She always has an answer; it just may not be the right one. She could be far left or far right, extremely spiritual or an extreme hippy, but she can be extremely annoying. Is this woman you? If you are a black-or-white person with unbudging opinions, realize that most of the world operates in shades of grey.

Source

#9. Competitiveness

You know that girl who always has to win? The one who will use your heart as a stepping stool to the top? Well, she may win the game, but she will lose her friends in the process. And what good is victory when you have no one to share it with? With guys, winning and losing is just a part of establishing a relationship. With women, the only winners are those who make you feel like one.

#10. Affluence

The wealthier you are, the more out-of-touch you may be with real people problems, and this may leave you with a bunch of fake friends. Women connect over their weaknesses as much as their strengths. Your ginormous mansion and your luxury automobile may be overwhelming to the most down-to-earth ladies. Unfortunately, even if you can hide your car in the garage, you can’t hide your Gucci purse or your designer jeans. Money talks, and in this case it may be saying, “I’m too good for you.”

Why Women Feel Threatened (and How to Get Over It)

There is a difference between feeling threatened and feeling intimidated. The difference is fear. When a woman feels threatened, she is afraid that you will take (or try to take) something she has (her man, her confidence, her best friend, the role she has established in her group, etc.) or wants (like a promotion, a future boyfriend, etc.). In any case, these threatened feelings always stem from our own insecurity. We don’t fear the things we are secure in. When a beautiful woman walks in the room, we may be intimidated, we may be jealous, but we won’t feel threatened unless we are insecure about our own looks or our own marriage. Threat (along with the insecurity it stems from) brings out the worst in us. We shut down and lash out when we let insecurity get the best of us.

Before the merely intimidated fall into a state of self-righteousness (thinking we are better than the threatened girls, when we're not), let me state that everyone has insecurities. To move from threatened to intimidated (or even unaffected), we merely recognize those insecurities for what they are, using those feelings to motivate us towards change or towards that seemingly perfect woman to find out what she has to offer. Who knows, maybe she’ll rub some of that perfection off on you.

To the threatening women out there, let me offer you my solemn condolences. It’s tough being alone. I guess you have your striking beauty and outstanding IQ as a consolation prize? All jokes aside, I share these insights in hopes that you will move forward with a newfound awareness and will practice humbleness, kindness, and gentleness with the women around you. Go the extra mile to prove that you are more than a pretty face, that your life is not as perfect as it seems, and that you need friends, too. Your attackers strike out of fear, despising parts of themselves more than they could ever despise you.

Friendships Amongst Women
Friendships Amongst Women | Source

What do you think?

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

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Comments 46 comments

Jade 3 weeks ago

I am one of those labelled as "life of the party"...happy, alive...and i find i have to lower my level of this so female relatives can feel i am not stealing their floor....but with others especially males in the room they seemed to zoom in on my laughter and notices my happy energy and enjoys that i am having a good time.....but why cant females in the room feel the way men in the room feels? I am just happy being around people and that is all it is. I am not even trying to get any attention it is just my personality...happy, energetic and love being around people. I wish they would understand that.


Bethania 5 weeks ago

This article is ridiculous. The jealous and petty WANT you to dowse your light so they feel more comfortable with their own insecurities. When in fact, these females are the ones who are delusional. When are we going to start to hold the sender responsible for their destruction instead of the female who receives it b/c she choose to work hard, both in home/career/self? Stay away from these females...they will destroy EVERYTHING they think you hold dear. Never diminish your light for someone else's comfort. Wake up!


Taliah 6 weeks ago

This was a great article!! I really needed this. I have been dealing with this throughout most of my adult life and no matter how humble or friendly I am with certain women (especially certain women in the church), they still seem to give me the cold shoulder or ignore me whenever I'm around. But I'm never going to stop being successful, never going to stop pursuing my passions, never going to stop helping people, never going to change my "fashionable" style! We shouldn't have to conform to fit in with people!


Sydney Breeze Lowe 7 weeks ago

I have had this issue since I developed at the tender age of 11. Girls and then women have always been in competition with me. Shown me the cold shoulder and been more than willing to believe the worst in me. However, I have never gone or done anything at least not intentionally to go after anything that belongs to someone else. I am put together fairly well, with a nice full figure, pretty figure, good hair you know all the things that make you pretty. I also have a decent IQ hold 2 degrees and have a good reputation in my chosen field. I did all of my work and got advancement without stepping or sleeping on or with anyone. It still has not stopped women from coming at me with threats. Even family members only keep me around when they need something from me because of the jealousy thing. Believe me it causes me to spend a great deal of time alone and doubt myself a great deal, I never know if anyone if wanting to really be my friend or if they just want something.


CJ 2 months ago

Frankly, I really needed this. Women can be vicious, ignorant, jealous, mean-spirited and in denial about all of it. Secretive and gossip-mongers, this sort of woman will use the negative "smack" about other women to feed their insecurities. All there really is to say about this kind of behavior is "Bye."


Anna Pennuell 2 months ago

Every once in a while I get that shocking moment when a woman suddenly acts like I'm out for her job, social status or her man. It completely floors me and I'm speechless! My friends tell me it's for the reasons in this article, but I'm still confused because I'm just... me! I don't brag it show off, I don't wear clothes that show off my figure and I rarely even wear makeup. I've actually TRIED to look unattractive hoping it would make life easier, but... I guess one day it'll get easier.


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 3 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

Interesting article. I have come to realize that I can only be myself. And I don't really care who likes me, and who doesn't like me.

Life is far too short to be worried about the opinion of others. And I highly doubt that if I change myself to suit someone else, they will actually like me. I prefer to associate with those who appreciate who I really am.

Thanks for writing.

Namaste


Sue Evarts 3 months ago

This blog is ridiculous. Truly. 1950s mindset. Maybe trying to be who you are not is crushing you .Pay attention to your own needs , desires and dreams and quit writing this hogwash Hopefully no one takes it seriously


Missme 3 months ago

Yes, I have seen a lot of this at my new job. In my training session that will continue for a handful of weeks. I am a lot of what was mentioned here and I have learned how to survive these attacks. It gets annoying and irritating because it is quite mental to know some women will go the extra mile to try to fear one person down. I don't let it get to me and I've had to make it clear. I hope others are able to understand people are like mirrors. Some women get intimidated. Some of us have great souls and don't seek to exhaust outlet selves over others but our good hearts, good looks, brains, charm and wits may still be intimidating! Hang in there. I get laterally attached almost everyday now, I find it hilarious. But it's sad, because it creates such a negative environment and a miserable place for these women to be by comparing themselves to me. Continue to be you and stay true to yourself. This all upsets them more, nothing will change until they understand that you won't. I'm not going to compromise everything I've worked hard for to make these women feel better. I've done nothing wrong. Let your positivity attract your next big thing & if all else fails tell them you know someone or know of someone through a friend who works in HR :D Stay happy and be beautiful!


Anon 4 months ago

I have seen it at work with female manager been intimidated by woman that reported into her, she made her look week and helpless. Once the lady was late and she rang a colleague to say and not the manager. The Manager just laughed it off when the girl came in, it made her look very weak for not raising it with lady then on rules.


Ana 8 months ago

Okay, I am pretty good looking, smart, talented and intelligent. I am a self assured woman. I can make good friends based on what I have to offer in terms of my smarts, my compassion and my trustworthiness. I have a great husband who loves me for my strength of character as much as he loves my looks.

I am threatened by three kinds of women

1. Those who LIE and break all kinds of rules and expect the world to go easy on them just because they are special! The entitled ones.

2. Those who are passive aggressive. The victim-minded ones, they can fall in the no 1 category too.

3. Those who have better social skills than myself. The extroverts.

I am not worried about man/ job/ girlfriend stealers. I HATE passive aggressive liars who have no sense of integrity or remorse.

So, I guess, I would be one of the women that gossip mongers, insecure women sand self proclaimed victims hate!

It took 4 big betrayals (at my workplace, in personal life and in community life) to learn to STAY AWAY form such venomous ladies.


Desdemona 8 months ago

I will NEVER EVER tone anything down about myself to appease anybody's insecurities! Not good for either parties! I have embraced loneliness caused by people's envy and jealousy, and you know what? Never been happier! Don't need miserable insecure people around me putting me down to feel better about themselves! My friends are the books that I love to read, my happiness is the knowledge that I acquire! Better lonely than in bad company!

I don't even care about my looks, so why should people feel less because of it? Their main issue is not even their jealousy or insecurities, it's their SHALLOWNESS! They are even shallower than the good looking people who only care about their looks, and given the chance, they would be as conceited as those! Bunch of hypocrites!

Let's care about what really matters in life and stop behaving like irrational animals on heat! I am very good looking but I have in mind my looks will fade away with time, and it's never been my focus any case and it disgusts me that people only perceive that about me! I am an intelligent, thinking human being! This is insulting to say the least! What a shallow, disgusting world we live in!


Matty Fernandez profile image

Matty Fernandez 11 months ago from Passaic, NJ

My strong personality and compassion has raised a few brows. There is always that individual who wants to twist stuff around to make it look bad. As a young woman my issues have been mainly with older women, so age is also an issue.


lambservant profile image

lambservant 11 months ago from Pacific Northwest

You nailed it. Great hub and we'll written.


dah 13 months ago

Be yourself we were born and raised by our parents we grew up and we as kids wanted to go and find out what that whole world is about the majority of us come back home we live and learn in this crazy world


Guest 16 months ago

Interesting that the majority of women in the poll and also in the comments felt this article rang true to them. So most of us feel others are intimidated by us? I doubt it. I think most women feel more secure when they're on a equal pegging order in looks intelligence etc and whilst the majority can allow herself to show support for those who achieve 'above' their own standing, sometimes it feels good to bring them down a peg for own self confidence boost. So it's not just one group of women but an ongoing social relationship between women where power is constantly shifted. If they're always doing it - it's because they really don't like you - not because they're jealous of one thing.


tiffany 19 months ago

I agree well all have insecurities but as women we have to accept what we can't change and change what we can every woman is beautiful beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And most of all stop comparing yourself to other women you can not be somebody else. And you should not want to we are all beautiful in our own way accept that. Any way women that are jealous and unhappy have nobody to blame but themselves stop focusing on other women and just do you as women we all should be the best version of ourselves and be happy for others and make our own path.


Sarah Kessler profile image

Sarah Kessler 19 months ago from Seattle

True! I've found that all of these things are also problems in friendships with men, but for different reasons. Good article.


mkh 21 months ago

so true


moi 24 months ago

so true


MelBling16 2 years ago

Interesting. I've experienced many of these...but I'm not playing down my looks or my accomplishments to make anyone feel better. Love me or leave me! I'm sure they have strengths I don't possess - like cooking and child-rearing skills!


Anne 2 years ago

You make some great points, but I'm not going to tone down just because other women are threatened by me. Excuse me, they need to deal with themselves. Looks, brains and a strong mind for business have given me social currency and I enjoy the hell out of it. Don't care what anyone else thinks. I have a great business a great partner and a great life, haters are quickly shown the door.


Deyigwe 2 years ago

I completely concur with JFB who said -

"I think the author hit on a lot of good points. However, I don't like the message at the end, about how "intimidating women need to be humble." I'm sorry, I don't think anyone needs to change themselves or their life to accommodate and appease others, especially people already hating on them! Just be you and let the other people take care of themselves."

EXACTLY!!! Some people just need to get it together LOL


Shinai 2 years ago

"Short of bodily mutation (subtle joke, not a suggestion) there is not much you can do other than play it down. V-necks and mini-skirts will only make your problems worse."

Great read, but I don't see it necessary to tone it down to make another woman feel secure within herself. Women should be themselves; they should work on personal flaws instead of being focused on other people's strengths in my opinion. In my viewpoint, I feel by the intimidating woman "playing it down", that is inadvertently accepting responsibility to another person's self-worth, which has nothing to do with her. Instead, those insecure women should find tools to strengthen themselves, focus on growing her self-worth and being competitive. Years of toning it down has disassociated me of my own personal power, and as a result, some of these insecure means girls have taken that to mean they can walk all over me, or allow me to be the target of their insecurity. And when I struggled with my own self-worth issues, I took responsibility and fixed them. Simple. We are responsible for our lives--blaming the other woman (not saying you said this, but in a broader perspective) is passe. Other than that, great article. ;)


Betty 2 years ago

In general women tend to look for the approval of other people to feel secure. The more insecure the woman is the more he feels intimidated. With the exception of the gossip type who is actually insecure, this article suggests that if you are smart, pretty or believe in yourself you need to alter yourself in some way to accommodate the waning egos of other women.

I have fought hard to overcome my insecurities and love myself. I am not setting that aside because some other woman needs to overcome her own insecurities. Her insecurities and hangups are not anyone's problem but hers. She is responsible for her feelings and thoughts because they belong to her.

If you are a person who has gone from the approach of seeking other people's approval to believing in yourself, you should not be ashamed of that. If someone is intimidated by you you don't need them. Seek out people more secure with themselves. They do exist


Anelle 3 years ago

Bravo!!! ... pity to the less confident woman...its sad to not appreciate your unique self ;)....!!!


Paddingtonbeargrr 3 years ago

This entire article is ridiculous. Stop living in the 1950s, grow some confidence in yourself, and stop thinking the world is "revolving for you". More importantly, stop preaching to girls advice that stops them from being scientists, politicians, and business women. Besides physical attributes, everything you listed, as a flaw, is the characteristic of a successful woman in society and in history.

The truth: not everyone is thinking about you and how much better you are than them. People actually have lives and minds of their own. More often than not, people aren't talking to you, not because they are intimidated by you, but because they are thinking about a solution to a problem, investments, kids, husband, etc. Think about it.


JFB 3 years ago

I think the author hit on a lot of good points. However, I don't like the message at the end, about how "intimidating women need to be humble." I'm sorry, I don't think anyone needs to change themselves or their life to accommodate and appease others, especially people already hating on them! Just be you and let the other people take care of themselves.


Su 3 years ago

So what you are saying is women should be less than who they are publicly so a bunch of petty insecure women will like them? I'd prefer to find confident women who don't look down on me because they feel less.


Kim 3 years ago

I have 9 out of 10. Honestly, it's rouge trying to make new friends and connect with people. I only find out they put my on some pedestal that I can't get off of. Give me a chance! Girls can be very mean when they are threatened and it hurts. They literally will do anything they can to tear you down. Can't we all just coexist and get along?


Brett Winn profile image

Brett Winn 3 years ago from US

Let's face it, women can be bitches!


Lillie 3 years ago

wow, i have all of those things. I am an intern medical doctor and I paid through university by being a model for an Australian bikini brand. I am blonde, I am tall, petite and curvy.

Many women distrust me and are jealous, and most men think about sex with me so I avoid them. I am a loner, and I wish that I had more female friends who didn't judge me as I do have some flaws internally.


Lena 3 years ago

I tick most of the boxes. At 47, I look like a well-kept 37. I am vigilant about my weight (thus being the thinnest woman in the room, no matter where I am). I read, a lot. My home is immaculately kept with well-chosen décor. I like to dress well but I dress modestly. Most of my clothes are conservative and expensive. I wear sensible heels. Am I conceited? Yes! Am I proud of how I have kept my looks? Absolutely! Do I find joy in learning new things and meeting new people? Sure do! Here is my downside. I suffer from crippling depression and live only on disability. I am a volunteer worker. I am poor and not very well educated. Age will be our leveler, sisters. Oh, and I am childfree by choice. Schadenfreude anyone?


kris 3 years ago

no matter they hate me so much... i got all eight.... but i choose not be affected.. life is too short to be spent on pessimism and insecurities... stay happy!!!!


Deb 4 years ago

Unfornutately is true ! And it can be hard sometimes have good friends , only the most truthful and confident women will stay by you ! :)


Christy Stewart profile image

Christy Stewart 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Love your words of wisdom Sharon! Well said!


Sharon 4 years ago

Until recently i spent my life just worrying about what other people thought of me. I did all the things you describe in your "tips", just to please other people so that they would like me and wanted to be friends with me. This is what it all got me: 2 years of psychological therapy, because of my lack of self-confidence, my constant feeling of incompetence and uglyness . I was now one of those girls you describe, always threatened and intimidated by those beautiful women who in my eyes had everything that i had not. I always blamed those “perfect” girls for my lack of confidence, incompetence and uglyness. Until i saw that i could also shine. After so many years of living in the shadow, i finally started to believe i could also be self-confident, that i could ‘dress to impress’ as you call it, that i was lucky to have a beautiful skinny body and that if i worked hard i could achieve many things in life i never even thought i was able to. I decided then to be proud of myself, no matter how people would think of me. If other women feel threatened by me, it’s not my problem, it’s theirs. So in other words, if you feel threatened or intimidated by other women, it’s not them who need to change, it’s you! If you see that you’re just as beautiful as them, you won’t feel threatened anymore. You don’t need to change your looks or whatever, because the change that needs to be done is all in you head. Just stop comparing yourself to other people and start accepting yourself. You’ll see that this is all that is needed to end your insecurity.


Christy Stewart profile image

Christy Stewart 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Great feedback, minus the "suck" phrase. Wish I could "approve" it. Next time lose the bad language and keep all the constructive criticism, it would have been more powerful without it ;)


Asradee 4 years ago

Yep. I think you nailed it on the head. Women can be so mean to each other. Spoken and unspoken words, actions- leave wounds. We can only pray and lift-up those women who behave with claws out. God made us all beautiful and in his image. Putting down others is putting down God. It's a shame to have to walk on eggshells to reduce conflict and tension. But. It happens.


Christy Stewart profile image

Christy Stewart 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thank you Chiquita, Lou, and perspicacious! This one hits close to home ;)


Perspycacious profile image

Perspycacious 4 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

Good listing. Some of these things are "put downs" about women when men consider them, too.


Lou 4 years ago

Great blog! Can't we all just get along?!


ChiQuita 4 years ago

Interesting perspective. I do wish that women would learn to lean on each other, learn from each other and build each other up rather than feeling threatened or intimidated by each other. However, I don't feel that women should not be themselves just because others feel threatened by them. Be yourself and let the haters continue to hate. Those type of people are unhappy with themselves and will find fault with you no matter what!!


Christy Stewart profile image

Christy Stewart 4 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thank you Brett and "t"! It is my personal goal to not write anyone off. Everyone has something to offer ;)


4 years ago

love it!! it is still ashamed women cannot just lift each other up instead of trying to break each other down


Brett Winn profile image

Brett Winn 4 years ago from US

This is a very interesting hub, and true in many ways. It brings to one's awareness, the little prejudices we all hold. I'm old enough to be pretty secure in who I am, yet I find that some of the types you described above, I tend to 'dismiss' more readily than others ... I 'assume' they couldn't possibly relate to me or my circumstances, and that isn't necessarily true. I value kindness above all other qualities. Thanks for making me think!!! Voted up.

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