10 Things That Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women

Updated on September 4, 2018

When the Claws Come Out

A few years ago, I sat amongst a lovely group of church women whom I hardly knew and listened in as they engaged in the same kind of conversation almost every group of women have when they sit down to share a meal together: The fat talk. You know how it goes. They say things like, “Oh, I really shouldn’t be eating this,” or “I just can’t seem to lose the last ____ (fill in the blank) pounds after the baby.” One woman spoke up about a new book she had read on the topic that suggested the solution was to change the way we think about food. All of the ladies listened in to learn the secret to weight loss.

“How are we supposed to think about food?” I asked. Up until then I had kept quiet because the privilege I held as the smallest woman at the table meant that I should listen rather than center myself in the discussion. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us?!” The woman snapped back. Stunned, I gulped down the food in my mouth before I choked on her words. What just happened?

For all of the women who have found themselves in the same awkward position of wondering what they’ve done to cause the claws to come out of their female counterparts, I have comprised a list of the top 10 things that make women seem threatening to other women.

Pay attention to your interactions with others and remember that any one of these things can put you on the outskirts of female companionship. Also keep in mind that any combination of these qualities can make you a double or even triple threat to another person. If you have all 10 of these qualities, I might even hate you too!

10 Reasons Why Other Women May Be Jealous of You

  1. You're Beautiful
  2. You're Smart
  3. You Have a Strong Work Ethic
  4. You Don't Fit Into the Group Pecking Order
  5. You're Confident
  6. You're Fashionable
  7. You're Thin
  8. You Have a Strong Personality
  9. You're Competitive
  10. You're Wealthy

Disclaimer

While anyone of any gender can feel threatened by the qualities or behaviors a person exhibits, this article will focus solely on women. In many cultures, women are socialized differently than other genders and the ways they're socialized can contribute to competitive, hostile, or unsupportive interactions.

Ten Traits That Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women

1. You're Beautiful

Whether or not you believe you're beautiful, if other women around you think you’re prettier than them, you may struggle to connect with them. People of any age, body type, or size can be confident or insecure about their appearances. If someone feels that their appearance deviates from societally imposed standards of beauty, they may project their insecurity onto people who fit the standard more closely. It's possible that other women may feel threatened by your beauty and your mere presence may make them feel inadequate. If they are single, they may see you as competition for romantic partners. If they are married, they might see you as a seductive temptress who is plotting to steal their spouses.

My advice:

Short of bodily mutation (that was a joke, not a suggestion), there is not much you can do to change your appearance. You can try to down-play your attractive features, but ultimately, you shouldn't have to hide your good qualities to assuage someone else's insecurities. If people seem threatened by your appearance, it may be helpful to offer sincere compliments about their appearances to help them feel more confident and less threatened by you. Don't be excessively complimentary or self-deprecating, but be kind and encouraging. If you've demonstrated that you don't consider yourself to be better than others based on appearance and you're still being treated with hostility, consider distancing yourself from that relationship.

2. You're Smart(er Than Them)

It’s okay to be smart, so long as the people around you aren’t reaching for a dictionary to translate your last sentence. The bigger the words you use, the smaller your audience may feel. Until you know the people around you, keep the conversation and the mood light. Most people just want to have fun. Make sure that you're a fun conversationalist when you communicate with other people.

My Advice:

Brainiacs should be smart enough to know that giving a lecture on some obscure topic can be alienating for the people around you! You don't have to dumb yourself down when you talk to other women, but if you're a very smart person, try to refrain from using your intelligence to make other people feel stupid. Don't show off or act condescending, but don't hide your intelligence either. Get comfortable with being yourself and let other people know the real you too.

3. You Work (Too) Hard

Whether you're a stay-at-home mom who cooks every meal from scratch with organic ingredients grown in your own garden or the professional woman who performs every task above and beyond the call of duty, your hands-on approach to life can make some people feel insecure about their own work ethic. I know you’re probably thinking that lazy, bare-minimum bums need to rise to the occasion or just let it go. Unfortunately, the only thing they will want to see go is you.

My Advice:

If your accomplishments and drive seem to make other people avoid you, try to avoid bragging, and don't offer unsolicited advice to people about their initiative or lack thereof. Save detailed conversations about your goals for friends who similarly have a lot going on.

4. You Don't Fit Into the Pecking Order

There are some women who try to bond with others by creating power imbalances and social hierarchies. One way to maintain a power imbalance is to undermine some people and make them seem inferior. This can be accomplished by putting other women down or by gossiping about them. Other members of the group will follow the lead of the more powerful person in the group so they won't get ostracized by everyone else. Some people will contribute to and participate in unfair power imbalances because they want to, and some people will participate to avoid being placed at the bottom of the pecking order. These kinds of people are judgmental, critical, and mean.

My Advice:

If a person is willing to engage in petty gossip with you, they will probably also gossip about you. The most critical people are often the ones who have been the most criticized. Take pity on gossips, but don’t get too close to them!

5. You're Confident

My grandma used to say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” Well, don’t. It’s okay to know yourself and like who you are as long as you aren’t egotistical about it. When you walk into a room, does your presence say, “Here I am!” or “There you are?" Some under-confident people will feel threatened by another person's confidence. Make sure that you are being confident and not arrogant when you interact with people.

My Advice:

Learn to like yourself and love others at the same time. You can be confident without being arrogant, and you should encourage your friends to be confident in themselves too. Keep in mind that it's not your job to make someone else feel good about themselves. You can be the most supportive and encouraging friend and still encounter other people who will treat you as if you're doing something to undermine them. In addition to unabashedly owning your confidence, seek friends who can sport theirs without expecting you to shine less brightly.

6. You're Always Dressed to Impress

To some women, a pair of high heels is the same as sporting a pair of fishnet stockings and a tramp-stamp. Don’t ask me why, but a well-dressed woman can strike fear into the souls of all your flip-flopping, ballet-flatty, tennis-shoe-sporting friends. Maybe you just like to play dress-up, but the insecure women around you won’t care. They will question your motivations until their insecurity eats both them and you alive.

My Advice:

Know the dress code and don’t over-do it. There is a thin line between flashy and trashy. Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and attractive, but be aware of how you're presenting yourself and what kind of outfits are appropriate for each occasion. If your friends complain about your clothes, consider what they're saying and why. Feel free to let them know that they're welcome to change the way they dress if they want to enhance their style or get a different kind of attention.

7. Your Weight

It doesn’t matter how much you weigh if you are skinnier than someone else. And the thinner you are, the easier you are to dismiss. It’s not because you are so small that they can’t see you, it’s because they are purposely ignoring you.

Heavier women may think that thin women just don't know what it is like to have a larger body type, and they're right to a certain extent. Thin people are not treated badly on the basis of their thinness, but large people are definitely treated badly based on their size and weight. While a thin person can understand that intellectually, she will not experience the same kind of prejudice as a larger person.

A plus-sized woman may be less open and friendly towards a thin person. Maybe she's been bullied or treated as if she's less important by thin people, and as a result, she may not want to be close to or vulnerable with you if you're thin. Perhaps you've flaunted your size or been disrespectful about hers. Or maybe she struggles with feelings of jealousy. No matter what the reason, weight can affect how a person is treated.

My Advice:

Recognize that being thin is a privilege. You don't have to feel bad for being thin or apologize for it, but you should acknowledge that people (especially women) are treated differently based on their weight and body type. Treat all people with respect regardless of their appearance, acknowledge your privilege, and use it to be supportive towards people, rather than oppressive. Befriend people of all body types and treat them with dignity and respect. If you still struggle to connect with a person because of the power and social imbalance associated with your sizes, then understand that sometimes, you can't be close friends with everyone. Unfortunately there are social and cultural systems that create barriers between people. Treat others kindly, but don't force a fit.

8. You Have a Strong Personality

There's a difference between being strong and being overbearing. A strong person is usually firm about who they are, their boundaries, and their beliefs. When a woman is strong, she typically doesn't need obedience or approval from every person she interacts with, and she can accept that she and her friends may disagree on some things. However, an overbearing woman has an opinion about everything, and she usually insists on sharing that opinion. She always has an answer to every question, it just may not be the right one. She could be far left or far right, extremely spiritual or an extreme hippy, but no matter what she believes, she can be extremely annoying when she forces her opinions and perspectives onto other people. Which kind of woman are you?

My Advice:

If you are the sort of person who embraces a black-or-white perspective try to recognize that most of the world operates in shades of grey. It's okay to have opinions or beliefs, but remember that other people may have different perspectives. Try to respect that other people will have their own ways of viewing the world and don't force your opinions onto other people.

9. You're Competitive

You know that girl who always has to win? The one who views every aspect of social interaction as a competition, and the one who will use your heart as a stepping stool to the top? Well, she may win the game, but she will lose her friends in the process. And what good is victory when you have no one to share it with?

My Advice:

Don't let a sense of competition cause you to mistreat others and don't maintain friendships with overly competitive people. Even if you're a naturally competitive person, try to avoid treating all aspects of your social interactions as competitions. Constantly trying to out-do others will make it hard for people to be vulnerable with you. It might be a good idea to examine why you feel the need to compete with others.

10. You're Affluent

The wealthier you are, the more out-of-touch you may be with average people and their problems. Women can connect over their weaknesses as much as their strengths. Your mansion and your luxury cars may be overwhelming to the most down-to-earth ladies. Being wealthy may eliminate some types of stress from your life, and some people may resent the fact that you have so much when they have less. Unfortunately, even if you can hide your car in the garage, you can’t hide your Gucci purse, your designer jeans, or your wealthy lifestyle. Money talks, and in this case it may be saying, “I’m too good for you.”

My Advice:

Don't flaunt your wealth or brag about the financial blessings you enjoy. Nobody likes a braggart, and it is hard to be friends with someone if they use their wealth to make others feel jealous. Try to be discreet about your capital—especially if your friends don't have the same financial background as you.

Is She Jealous of Me?

People can dislike someone for a number of good and bad reasons. Sometimes a person will act mean because they're jealous of someone else. Are you constantly getting picked on or left out? Have friends who were previously cool suddenly become hostile or passive aggressive? Or maybe you just can't manage to feel welcomed by a group of people no matter how hard you try to befriend them. Inexplicably hostile people may be feeling jealous of you. But how can you know for sure? This article lists a number of signs that someone is jealous of you.

Even though feeling jealous and dealing with jealous people is a part of life, you can determine whether or not you want to continue interacting with jealous people. You can also decide how you will respond when you feel jealous of someone else. Don't hurt other people because you feel jealous, and don't accept hurtful treatment from people who are jealous of you. While we can't control how people treat us, we can make decisions about who we decide to interact with based on how we feel around others.

Why Women Feel Threatened (and How to Get Over It)

There is a difference between feeling threatened and feeling intimidated. The difference is fear. When a woman feels threatened, she is afraid that you will take (or try to take) something she has (including her man, her confidence, her best friend, the role she has established in her group, etc.) or something she wants (like a promotion, a future boyfriend, etc.). In any case, these threatened feelings usually stem from our own insecurities. People don’t fear losing the things they are secure about. When a beautiful woman walks in the room, we may feel intimidated or jealous, but we won’t feel threatened unless we are insecure about our own looks. Feeling threatened can bring out the worst in us. We may shut down or lash out when we let insecurity get the best of us.

Overcoming Insecurities and Building Bridges

Don't be self-righteous or act like you're better than someone who feels threatened by other women. Everyone has insecurities, and everyone will feel threatened sometimes. The best way to overcome these feelings is to recognize that you feel insecure and examine why you feel that way. When you take an honest look at yourself, you may be less inclined to be hurtful to someone else.

If you're being ostracized by other women, let me offer my condolences to you. It’s tough being singled out. Even if your positive traits alienate some people, you still have your striking beauty and outstanding I.Q. as consolation prizes. All jokes aside, I hope that you will move forward with a newfound awareness of your appealing traits, and I hope you will practice humility, kindness, and gentleness with the women around you. If you feel that you're being unfairly judged for your positive qualities, consider going the extra mile to prove that you are more than a pretty face, and that your life is not as perfect as it seems. You need and deserve good friends just as much as any other person. Envious, insecure people may pick on you out of fear, and people who act that way probably dislike parts of themselves more than they could ever despise you.

If an empathetic and friendly approach to bonding with some people fails, keep in mind that you can always try to befriend people who will treat you well. You don't have to stay connected to hurtful people, and it is not solely your job to make a relationship work. In addition to being empathetic and self-aware, have enough self-respect to know when you deserve better.

What do you think?

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

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    • profile image

      stacey 

      5 days ago

      This article is poorly written and comes off like a circa 1980 article in Seventeen magazine. I will not alter anything about myself to make other women feel better.

    • profile image

      Carolyn 

      2 weeks ago

      When reading, I didn't take these words to belittle attractive, intelligent women or that they should lower their self-esteem to make other's feel better about themselves. I read the author as saying these positive traits, whether physical or academic, emotional, or mental are a blessing and if you are truly confident and believe in who you are, then you shouldn't have a problem not flaunting it or looking down your nose at others. By writing this, I think the author wanted to make us aware of why some women act the way they do around you. Jealousy is ugly and cruel, even hateful. I often remind myself that small minds equals small hearts. How sad these women choose to be miserable, instead of finding good within themselves. Instead of flexing our muscles, let's just let it go, be kind, smile. There are plenty of other women to befriend.

    • profile image

      Lexie 

      3 weeks ago

      Is this a joke? This article reads as if you yourself are jealous and trying to hold attract confident smart women down. You should be telling women to embrace all that they have to give, not dumb it down/make yourself more appealing to fit some insecure persons ideal. Shame on you. This reads as possibly showing more about your character and your insecurities than how to seem less threatening to other women.

      As a young lady that has dealt with friends acting jealous and threatened from a young age I'll give you some advice if you ever rewrite this. Tell them to keep shining and let the insecure women keep wondering how you do it. Don't let them bring toy down to their level and find empowering women who will lift you up instead.

      And a word of advise for that type of women who are too busy hating themself and everyone else....work on yourself more. You might like the person you can become instead of the sad person that you are now.

      This is honestly brain cancer.

    • profile image

      Alison 

      4 weeks ago

      This article is utter rubbish!!

      Leila- well said!

      Be You! Don't tone anything down! It's their problem not yours

      Quit pandering and seeking approval of these insecure, bitter women. You won't win!!

      All these qualities are something to be proud . Find decent, like minded women for your circle.

    • profile image

      Valerie 

      5 weeks ago

      Thanks for advice. I moved to try to start over. I ID with this. I wonder if we need to start meetups or something for individuals that are aligned with themselves. I moved to an area, early semi-retired, to recenter,etc. I find that single women are not invited to mingle with couples. The threat that you might take their man, etc. I feel the bigger problem is society lives from a place of fear and not. I refuse to and will somehow find a group of empowered, intelligent beings to be around. Appx. 12,000 people took part in the poll. 78% chose the top category of strong agreement with encountering these issues. That is almost 10,000. 10K that sought out this topic in the last 8 months or so. I will take a bit of comfort in those numbers. I challenge us to find ways to stay positive and support one another. Namaste sisters.

    • profile image

      Jen 

      2 months ago

      Being thin is not privilege. In most parts of the world, being a plus size is privilege because most people struggle to afford food.

      In the west, portion control and staying physically active does not cost money but it does take self discipline.

      Discipline is not dependent on gender, color of skin and amount of money in your bank account.

      I work hard to stay thin by eating less and moving more outside.

      The only privilege I have is being non disabled and healthy.

      If you are a healthy mobile woman who is obese and hates on fit women, you are not a victim. You just have not committed to healthier diet and staying physically active.

    • profile image

      Lucy 

      3 months ago

      I agree ONE THOUSAND PER CENT with Leila!! Kudos from Canada!

    • profile image

      Leila 

      3 months ago

      So basically, what you are saying is something like : Just pretend you're someone else, so the people full of resentment, bitterness and jelausy can feel finally happy? And stick to the low standards of women who have no self esteem? What a bullshit!!! This is so fake! I've got a mirror and I know how I look, I am NOT sorry that I am NOTobease or on a diet, I articulate my opinion, even if my fellow female will feel ofended by it, because I am NOT sorry for myself. And maybe that's the time to say 'screw you' and stop looking for approval and find women who struggle same as you do with the acceptance of other women. They've been there before and time to get along together with them.

    • profile image

      Nicole 

      3 months ago

      Being thin is a privilege???? Have you ever struggled to gain weight because you can’t control your metabolism and feel disgusting and ugly because you are a skeleton with no butt or boobs? Have you ever had to deal with all the rude and hurtful comments people then blatantly throw at you regarding your low body weight that you work so hard to try to gain even a pound for, but then having to feel like you aren’t allowed to have body issues because of people like you telling thin women they have to be “greatful” and “privileged” to be skinny, as if that automatically means you are healthy and happy? People you don’t even know telling you to eat a sandwich multiple times a day but if I suggest an overweight person to eat less (which I would never do because I respect everyone even if they don’t respect me for how I look) everyone would be in an uproar, and rightfully so! What authority do you think you have to tell me to feel privileged over something that I have little control over and that I cry about every night over? Did you think at all before writing that or are you just resentful and need thin women to bow down for you to make you feel better? Please be more responsible and stop perpetuating this ridiculous skinny shaming attitude because people like you allow some people to feel like they have a right to pick on me for the way I look and they don’t even know me or they would know that I love them regardless of their size and would help them if I saw them struggling alone because they are simply human beings.

    • profile image

      No thanks 

      4 months ago

      Or how about ignoring it? You shouldn't have to make yourself small to make someone feel better about themselves. This is very toxic advice you're giving.

    • profile image

      Mel 

      4 months ago

      Altering yourself to be accepted by bitter jealous people is a waste of time. Anyone who can’t be your friend if you shine your brightest is a turd not worth dealing with. Period. Women need to stop tearing each other down out of insecurity, fear, and jealousy. It’s obnoxious and an embarrassment to the gender.

    • profile image

      Katie 

      5 months ago

      I like these articles but to be honest I have gossiped about people before, because I have been bullied on more than one occasion and am hoping someone will offer a solution or give me some insight. I don't think I am a nasty person and would not gossip about the person I had confided in. I do agree however there are other people who may stab someone in the back just to get what they want, then pretend to be someone else's friend gossiping then turn on the 2nd person next. Therefore when someone confides in you I think you need to be cautious but not paranoid. I love what Koda wrote below. I think people feel threatened by my strong work ethic. I get so much satisfaction out of doing a good job, and I have been sabotaged. I was thinking about just fitting in however after reading what Koda said, maybe it would not work and I agree women need to learn self acceptance rather than dragging others down because of spiteful jealousy.

    • profile image

      jen 

      5 months ago

      What about the "skinny, pretty" girl is a standard beauty who hates on the curvy, exotic, smart beauty? Your article seems biased towards the non-standard beauty.

    • profile image

      5 months ago

      I agree with the women here. I hate hearing you say to "dumb down" because other wormen are intimidated because you as smart, beautiful and confident. Be yourself and those who are STRONG enough, will find you...and be your true friends!

    • profile image

      Stacey Wisniewski 

      6 months ago

      YEah I have my fair share of jealous women, usually big women, or unattractive women, or a big woman and a semi attractive woman that needs to feel good about herself by hanging out with a large woman that has a very low self-esteem and needs to be worshipped, shes use to being worshipped and hanging out with big women or not so attractive women so if she gets in her own company she feels threatened, Ive had all kind of them. Its a shame women cannot be friends with eachother they just cant, even the ones in groups ive been in have backstabbed, lied, gossiped, and hated the women they hung out with. Ive had some solid females that say whats on their mind and confidence enough to be friends but the jealous ones are immature, petty, catty, gossip, backstab, lie, stalk, harrass, all kinds of stuff, I have a situation now that thats all they are using to level my self esteem, all day everyday....it sucks but jealous women are really ugly. their self-esteem, pettiness, insecurity just all of it. I dont care about them yet they keep trying to make me care and they are of no importance with their behavior. So bad that some need criminal charges filed its that bad. Obsessed and everything! YUCK!

    • profile image

      Mrs.Farrar 

      6 months ago

      You're trying to get approval from the wrong group. The only women who had these qualities and offended me were the ones who looked down on others. Especially the ones who have never paid for or earned anything in their lives (clothing, jewelry, education, cosmetic surgery, million-dollar homes -- just to name a few) and think it's their ''due'' because they're a ''prize'' and treat you like you're not as valuable because you don't care if you possess a LV handbag.

    • profile image

      Amber 

      6 months ago

      This is so stupid lol as an overweight woman (who has been very fit but had babies and likes food lol) I’ve never been discriminated for how I look or my intellect being based on my size... it seems like the author of this article is a bit arrogant. Nobody cares if you’re the “smallest at the table” wtf! I have friends who are so beautiful inside and out and are treated like they deserve. I think dumbing yourself down or playing down your appearance/judging on body type is horrible advice.

      and saying bigger women have it harder than thin ones? Wtf? Lol

    • profile image

      jjulliee 

      7 months ago

      This is bad advice - telling people to change so they're accepted, or seen as less of a threat? Who says it's okay to mistreat someone because you're jealous of her? Wow.

    • profile image

      Danny 

      7 months ago

      Had a hard time to continue reading after the disclaimer that women are socialized differently than other "genders". There are only two genders.

    • profile image

      Chanel. 

      7 months ago

      This is the worse advice ever. If they are jealous then they are the problem because they have insecurities. Never dim your light ladies.

    • profile image

      GroovyGirl49 

      8 months ago

      This is satire right? Otherwise why give advice that pretty much tells us that we've gotta change to fit in with a bunch of petty, nasty insecure women. The opinions of people like that certainly don't keep me awake at night.

      I never wasted my time on such shallow horrible people then and nor I will now and I am certainly not going to change whom I am so they can feel more secure about themselves.

      If a person is that insecure that they feel the need to judge, gossip about, slander and bully others then the problem lies with them not the people they're hating on.

      I don't judge a person on what they look like, I judge them on whether they are an asshole or not.

    • profile image

      Katrina Thiesen 

      8 months ago

      I’m about to go on a trip with about 5 women, I googled being intimidated by women because they are all so fit and I just had a baby. You’re “advice” really made me feel lower. I was looking for something to empower my amazing ability to give birth. You focused on jealousy.

    • profile image

      Jacqueline L Porter 

      8 months ago

      Im sorry your advice is all wrong.

      You should be yourself at all times , they dont like it fuxk them.

    • profile image

      Jennifer 

      8 months ago

      i totally applaud you for your intelligent article. Th8s has needed to be said and revaluated for a while now. I definitely related to the bullet on weight body type treatments. as a woman in my late 40's, i have been overweight and lost 65 lbs. Then still go up and dow with my.weight. My confidence doesnt go away im still the same person inside as i was before. We.all come in all shapes.and sizes and need to.respect each other.

    • profile image

      louise wheeler 

      8 months ago

      I have never really experienced part of a female group unless it has been a sporting activity. I was brought up in a small town in the South West of England and always felt that i did not belong in this toxic little town. I personally feel that I would find it over bearing to be part of a clicky group, who portray themselves as happy friends with each other.

      I don't agree with some of the advice in this article. Women should not have to make changes to be accepted. They will want your company regardless of your size, what you choose to wear

    • profile image

      Teri White 

      8 months ago

      I don't consider myself beautiful, or particularly intelligent, but I dress well, have worked hard and am comfortably off. I find it very difficult to make friends of either gender. The men want to 'score' and the women want to punch me. I get the best treatment from gay women, for some reason, though I am not gay myself.

    • profile image

      Niki 

      9 months ago

      This advice is surprising. Why on earth would a person be encouraged to dimish their light to fit it. The “wear baggy clothing” bit is baffling. Unless of course I missed where it states “this is a joke”.

      Thank you for the opportunity to comment.

    • KimbaWiggins1 profile image

      Kimba Maria Wiggins 

      9 months ago from Central Islip, NY

      I don't agree with this article at all, but it further reinforces my decision to limit the amount of female friends I have. All my life i never got along with women, just because I was pretty, smart and multi-talented. I never bragged and preferred to stay behind the scenes...but got subject to extreme jealousy and hate (almost got beat up by 2 women nearly 3 years ago on the bus because I was simply staring out the window). I'm not changing who I am to make others comfortable. Don't like me? There's the door. I prefer not to have ANY female friends offline but I currently have 2. That's it.

    • profile image

      Violet 

      9 months ago

      I've never been interested in running with the pack. If they don't like me who cares. I'm the real deal not a fake ass. When I'm at work i'm There to make money not friends.

    • profile image

      Sanjana 

      9 months ago

      This article is bullshit! I hope nobody follows these tips .

    • profile image

      Lambservant 

      9 months ago

      Ladies, calm down, this article is tongue in cheek. Otherwise I'd have agreed with you.

    • profile image

      Skinny girl who got made fun of at the gym today by a fat girl for running 

      9 months ago

      What is wrong with being confident and wearing things that make you feel and look good ? If you look good why should you have to hide it because someone else is insecure.

    • profile image

      Miss Marie 

      9 months ago

      Okay so I’ll pass on this advice. I want to be around women who love and support others as they do themselves. This is advice on how to basically “shrink” yourself so “haters” won’t hate so much and instead be your fake friend. It’s a no from me.

    • profile image

      Kat Bürger 

      9 months ago

      WOW...just, WOW. And not “WOW” in a good way. Thank you to the author of this “article” for setting feminism back. This was right out of a 1950’s “women! Know your place!” handbook.

      How can you honestly write this and think you’re helping? Encouraging women to dress down and dumb down! NO! No! That’s not how that works. You don’t advise that women should lower their standards, you should advise that women raise themselves up!

    • profile image

      Kelz 

      10 months ago

      This article suggests women are incapable of bonding over strentgh and you have to weaken and lessen your self to have a group of insecure friends who basically hate tge real you.

    • profile image

      Chana 

      10 months ago

      #11

      Bust size!

    • profile image

      Vanessa 

      10 months ago

      I'm sorry, but this article lost me. A woman should never lower her standards to please a minority who are jealous. For example, saying that well dressed women should 'stick to the dress code', well I'm sorry if they have killer style. Many woman are happy to see other woman successful. Really don't agree with this article.

    • profile image

      EB 

      10 months ago

      "She is less likely to invite you to the pool with her family because she doesn’t want her husband to see you in a swimsuit. Don’t want to gain weight to fit in? Then wear baggier clothing."

      This is where the article (albeit, well written) totally lost me.

      Many others in the comment section pointed out the glaring problem with this article.

      As another post replied: "You should NEVER downplay who you are to make others comfortable. This is written from a jealous and insecure persons perspective clearly".

      To any woman or young girl reading this article, please please remember this: don't EVER feel the need to dim your light so others feel brighter.

      Be a boss-ass bitch who will never apologize for her success, her looks or anything else.

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      MW 

      10 months ago

      Kindness and humbleness doesn’t work. Best thing I have found is learning to be happy by myself or with the people who love me the way I am. My motto, don’t dim your light to make others happy. Be yourself and find your own niche.”

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      Angie 

      10 months ago

      Wow talk about an article you should only follow if you want to be a miserable people-pleaser. It's too easy to publish on the web...

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      Emma 

      11 months ago

      Women are like cats and men are like dogs.

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      Anne 

      11 months ago

      The ten signs of threatened women are actually agreeable. Love your article. But what about those women who are threatened but just felt sad about the reaction of people around them? Is there any Biblical perspective you can offer on how to counter haters?

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      anon 

      11 months ago

      Who wrote this? You should NEVER downplay who you are to make others comfortable. This is written from a jealous and insecure persons perspective clearly.

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      jc 

      11 months ago

      Lol, is this a serious article? No way am I going to try to dress in clothes that make the insecure feel better or try to look less attractive because they believe they are. I don't dress for them , but for myself. I know I'm a good person with a good heart. Maybe they should try and be less shallow and not judge a book by it's cover

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      Marielle 

      11 months ago

      Koda -- you and I are in the same club. Beautifully spoken, beautifully written. Inspiring. I focus on what God blessed me with, and avoid like the plague the non-supporters and downers. Shame on them for their meanness. I'm sad that their lives are so hollow and shallow that they have to focus on me -- instead of accentuating the positive in their own lives. I seek out like minded, strong and kind women as friends. Don't let the social vampires suck the life spirit out of you. Onward and upward.

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      Kathy 

      11 months ago

      To Koda; thank you, thank you, thank you for your marvelous post! God bless you!

    • profile image

      Koda 

      11 months ago

      I have mixed feelings about this article. You nail it by listing all the reasons why insecure women tend to turn on those more confident, successful and attractive women. But then you proceed to encourage the latter to change their stripes in order to fit it. This advice is as best ridiculous, at worst, harmful. God created each and every person different. We were all blessed with different looks, gifts, talents, abilities, intellects, personalities, dispositions, etc. No two women are exactly the same by design and therefore it baffles me why instead of embracing their own unique set of attributes, some women choose to become fixated on what they don't have but another woman might have in abundance. They covet the other person's natural, God-given attributes until it makes them bitter, mean and petty. As someone who has unmeaningfully been the "threatening woman" pretty much all of my life I say enough is enough. I am not going to dull myself down in order to be palatable to women who are too blinded by their own insecurities to recognise their own self worth. I have done this many times and guess what? It doesn't make life rosier. I've still ended up gossiped about, backstabbed, abandoned, sabotaged and humiliated by the very people claiming to be my best friends; my inner circle. Those hateful and hurtful women need self-acceptance, they don't need to be justified in their appalling actions by you changing yourself to fit in. As a Christian, I will continue to be loving, humble, compassionate, self-controlled and self-aware. But I am not responsible for the feelings of anyone, least of all those who - instead of working on themselves - seek to undermine & destroy the self-esteem and confidence of good women who happen to be naturally gifted. This is sinful and needs to stop immediately. Sadly, it can be just as common in the church as it is the workplace. Wearing baggies clothes to make a self-conscious woman feel satisfied is not being loving, it's being a doormat. It's disowning who you are, who you were created to be. It's acting out of fear and shame. I once went through a painful personal transformation to allow the insecure women at my church feel better themselves. I stopped dressing stylishly because of their backhanded compliments about me being fashionable. I wore my hair back because my long, volumous waves were eye-catching and enviable to the women with straight, short locks. I changed career focus from media to ministry because I was made to feel spiritually inferior and shallow compared to my fellow church members who were "mission minded". I treated the opposite sex only as brothers to appease the aggressively husband-hunting women who found me a threat to their chances of finding a partner. I over-accentuated my problems and made myself extremely small and vulnerable so that women wouldn't find me too successful and strong. I even hid my ethnicity and natural passion when opposing concerns within the church because I was afraid of being labelled as the "angry black woman" in a white dominated space. To all you threatened women: take it to the altar and stop projecting your insecurities onto others. Know your worth. Stop competing when you are never going to be the same as someone else, no matter how hard you try. Discover what you do like about yourself and be confident in that. If you want to improve certain areas of your life you have the ability; don't make life miserable for others who have what you don't. Don't pressure confident women into hating or changing themselves just to make yourself feel good and to put yourself above them. Nothing is more unattractive than a thirsty, miserable, attention-seeking, gossiping, condescending, insecure woman. Be yourself and let others be whoever they are.

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      Dianne 

      12 months ago

      The only women I don't have issues with are my sister and my daughter. I have found women to be a major disappointment and I've reached the conclusion that 'the sisterhood' doesn't exist. I absolutely refuse to shrink so that others can feel taller. You have written an article advising women to live without authenticity. They have to deny their beauty, intelligence, creativity, accomplishments etc so that others can feel better about themselves. Your advice is misguided and if I were you, I would be questioning my motives. Wherever you go in life you will always encounter people who stand out from the crowd for a variety of reasons. They might be funny and entertaining. Or they might be stylish dressers. Another might be a stunning beauty. Then you'll get one who can speak 5 languages and play the violin. But for some inexplicable reason, your advice to women who might be fortunate to possess qualities like these is to downplay their talents. To become grey mice and fade into the background so that they will be accepted. Why am I suddenly thinking of Cinderella and the ugly step sisters?

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      RN 

      12 months ago

      Honestly these threatened women need to grow up, I don't enable immaturity and scapegoating and yes there aren't many females I can be around. The mainstream zombie crowd does have a lack of intelligence, courage, self awareness, beauty and independence. Not my problem or fault. :)

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      M ² 

      13 months ago

      The bully here has been my own boss. It's obvious to me that she is insecure, but that doesn't change the fact that her condescension, gaslighting, and high-schoolish behavior has become a huge stressor. She is 45 and has never been married nor had children. Not that there is anything wrong with that, in and of itself, but I think she lacks the empathy and life experience that women her age normally possess. I'm only 32 and feel more emotionally developed than her.

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      Brocksmom4ever 

      13 months ago

      I don’t think a woman who has worked on good qualities, her beauty, her intelligence for the sake of her husband should have to undermine the way she looks etc. I deal with this and I try to cater to these women and watch what I say and how I dress and be kind and they are still catty. Most of the time the more I try the worse they get. So don’t undermine yourself because someone else has marriage or self esteem problems. That is unhealthy and plain ridiculous. Now if you are arrogant, seductive, braggers etc. then you might want to re-evaluate........

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      Tiffany 

      13 months ago

      I’ve been dealing with female bullies at work for many years now...since I started working when I was 16. The passive aggressive behavior only became more sophisticated as I got older and entered the office world. I’m almost 30 years old and still single but happy. I don’t feel this article isn’t directed well in supporting women who are navigating the dealing with a bully in whatever aspect of their lives that may be.

      To tone it down or play oneself as small for the sake of avoiding or placating others isn’t self loving. A woman who experiences jealousy and unsheathes her claws is nothing more than a woman who needs to process her personal feelings toward herself and learn to love herself more. They are not he women who need compassionate understanding but we are not responsible for fixing the issues of others or making them happy at our own expense. We can wish them happiness and want happiness for others—even make gestures that may express that but we can’t make someone be happy or love themselves in their intrinsic core.

      Basically, these jealous bullies need to take responsibility for their feelings.

      I’m sorry for any woman suffering from bullying especially when it affects her workplace which is where most, if not all, of us spend much of our time...40 plus hours a week for some.

      Don’t play small, my dear ladies but be respectful, kind, and exert understanding with boundaries. We’re ALL beautiful and the best thing we can do is support each other and break down the walls of jealousy toward healthier female relations. I may be optimistic and hopeful but, in this world, we need to be if we want to see great change. I’m not perfect either but let’s open up dialogues if and when we can...where we can...do healing can take place between women.

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      JRED519 

      14 months ago

      I don’t think you should downplay anything just because someone might be jealous of you. If you show cleavage, wear red lipstick and wear high heels just do it. I already have had to deal with this and i let it go because it was family. I’m 40 years old and I still look pretty descent and now I could care less what others hate about my appearance. Be yourself! It gets old having to tip toe around because of other people’s feelings. What about yourself? You should be able to speak freely and not have to dumb yourself down for anyone. I have a house a live on rent free, I drive a nice car and I can sometimes buy nice things here and there. Why would I have to hide those things ever? I could go on it I’ve read a few comments that I think have said exactly what I feel. Never will I ever change who I am because of others insecurities. I’ve done it for only one person. It’s gotten very old. Never again. You don’t have to restrict anything about yourself to spare feelings.

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      Anonymous 

      14 months ago

      I’m sorry but I have to disagree with several parts of this. We’re not living in the 50s. Regardless we should never try to be something anyone else can accept. Toning it down? Dressing to please someone else.. it’s ridiculous. I went to the Melbourne cup with a woman almost twice my age who I considered a very good friend. She told me my one shoulder, yes short black dress was trashy. Oh there was a slit cut in the midriff as well. She multiple times told me to try to impersonate Audrey Hepburn’s style. Meanwhile her dress was shorter and she never wore panties. She would often gossip to me if all the men she’d slept with. Let’s just say even at my age she had me beat, by a lot. I never judged her or told her what to wear or how to behave. She recently came into my home and threatened to “slap the shit out of me” then proceeded to calling me white trash and psycho. I just sat there calm, very upset but I kept myself together. I’ve seen her hit her husband countless times and she once purposely shot me with a champagne cork in the face. I’ve picked her up for dinner then paid for the dinner she didn’t eat, I think it had something to do with all the white powder she had under her nose in broad daylight. Her has formed an army of these women in town to hate me and I have no idea why. Bc im skinnier and younger? So what? I know girls skinnier and younger than I am and I don’t behave this way. I’m not going to cater to these women’s needs so they can feel better about themselves. They’re monsters. I know that feeling of making a comment like “how am I supposed to think about food?” And everyone else cringing. It sucks. I’ve never gone out of my way to be hurtful to anyone and it’s clear you weren’t by saying that. The issue was them. Not you. I just don’t think you should try to please other women. I always put thought into my wardrobe and how appropriate it is. Not for the approval of other women though. That’s silly. Actually since this thing I’ve been dealing with has begun it’s only made me want to piss them off more, I can give them lots to talk about when I walk in wearing 6 inch stilettos. They deserve it at this point. I applaud the women I get jealous of. The women I think are better, I admire them. I’m not a caddy shit talking bitch. It sucks women can be so cruel to one another. I was bullied horrendously growing up for not looking pretty enough and now I get threatened with violence for becoming a somewhat attractive woman.

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      Fee fee 

      14 months ago

      I have always been treated like this. The back stabbing oh well sometimes that’s what sets you apart in the first place being brave enough to stand alone! These are very valid reasons and to be honest anyone who is that mean and acts with a pack mentality doesn’t deserve your friendship.

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      Liza D'Ercole 

      14 months ago

      I’m sorry I have run into these issues with women for years. I feel bad they have insecurities but your grandmother is right if you got it flaunt it (in good taste). I won’t down play myself nor would I encourage it. I’ll be who I am with good vibes. I appreciate women who look better than me. Shouldn’t we always aspire to be better?

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      Mariz Manalo 

      14 months ago

      I have all 10. Hate me then.

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      Audrey 

      14 months ago

      What a catty and petty thing to do to tell someone to be less of who they are when others have the problem! Maybe go back and rewrite how to tell the jealous ones to get over their insecurities and gain self confidence and chose or leave a man who doesn't respect them and not take their jealousies out on other women. Pathetic article!

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      Randi 

      14 months ago

      I understand this post but I also don’t care too much for it. From what I’ve read you sound like you want women to downplay themselves in order to make another woman less intimidated & to feel better about herself. I refuse to downplay my greatest assets to please another woman or man. Good article but I don’t completely agree

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      me 

      15 months ago

      I feel relieved after I read all those comments. I have been questioning to myself why most of the mothers from my daughter's school avoiding me. Above reasons help me to substantiate my thoughts. But as many women have already mentioned that I cannot dim myself to make them happy. I am happy if they see me as threat or insecurity and improve themselves.

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      Demeter 

      15 months ago

      This article is satire, right? I am NEVER going to dim my uniqueness for man nor woman.

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      15 months ago

      This is discouraging because I already compensate in the ways suggested, and I still get left out. Except for one person, I'm the casual friend who gets invited to all of the standard group things but to none of the smaller gatherings. Oh well. Appreciate the truthfulness, even if it is depressing. At least I feel less confused.

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      Rea 

      15 months ago

      Very bad advise if you ask me. Insecurity in other women should in no way be celebrated. Dimming your light because someone else feels threatened is the wrong way to go. Women keep shining your light, and any a** hole that can't handle that should take a seat wayyyy at the back.

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      kria 

      15 months ago

      The other answer is to be yourself as you can't win either way so you might as well just be you!

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      SoKate 

      16 months ago

      You must ask yourself why another woman's opinion of you is an issue at all. I read this article and thought OMG! I've mastered all 10. I am a bully survivor. Older, fatter, poorer, less educated females made a complete doormat out of me in my 20's. After that trauma and a romantic breakup I figured it out. This is MY life and it MUST go the way I want it to. Without exaggeration, I have only to walk into a room of females and the hate can be cut with a knife. In today's world, however, all ten attributes act as a force field. Let me give you one. My sister-in-law is a competitive loser. Unlucky in love. Cannot keep a man. Has NO woman skills. Cannot find her way around a kitchen. Men stay with her for about 6-8 months. She is into casual sex. Her mother (my mother-in-law) calls me daughter and routinely calls me for recipes. We have the family over for cook outs on the usual holidays. The last time the gang came over (it's always understood that I will cook) my sister-in-law saw me pull out a tray of marinated rib-eyes. She said, "You know, you should only put salt and pepper on a steak. I said, "And what television show did you get that from because you can't cook?" One more. My sister-in-law always asks me what outfits or shoes have I recently purchased. I showed her my new Coach bag and Hermes scarf. The girl actually made it a point to come back for a visit and put her (cross-body messenger, badly worn) Coach bag on my bar stool. I thought, "You gotta be kidding me."Here's another. I went from 178 lbs. to 125 lbs. in time for Thanksgiving which was held at HER family friend's house. (They love my husband). I look up and I hear someone calling my name clear across the room. It was my sister-in-law. All the way up in my face! I'm like, she knows she hates me so why pretend. She had never seem me at this weight and in a smoking body-con sheath at that. Why try to come off like we'er tight buds in this setting? She followed me from room to room. When I sat down she grabbed my hand to examine my nails. This chick is in her 40's. I am over 60. Months later, we went to a birthday celebration for her brother (my husband). She came up to me and pulled her waistband to show how much weight she lost. Her face and everywhere else was still as chubby as ever. She didn't lose a pound. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "Look, I lost weight." A 40 year old now. I said, "Keep working on it. You'll get there." Now all my push back started when I first met her. I have naturally large eyes. This female said, "You look like a fish". Her first remark right off. I looked at my husband (her brother). He looked down because he was not about to check his beloved sister. I let it go for that event but I knew it was on from there. A real sicko. How sick, you ask? After meeting a man for the first time, a week later she paid her own way, round trip, to sleep with this guy in a trashed out apartment for a weekend (yes, she told me the whole deal). Her brother couldn't sway to me for a year. And then he knew he had to come full-tilt ready for a true romance. You must respect me because I respect me. The respect he showed me ticked her off in a huge way. The diamond he put on my finger stopped her pulse.

      Now for the females at work. I came in with a blank slate. Everybody's equal. One woman introduced herself by reaching out to hug me. Really? I don't know you. The first one that reaches out in "friendship" is the one that will slay your good name first. "I don't hug, I told her." She said, "Well excuse me!" I said, "You're excused and let's keep it professional." Reggie, the guy in the office came in and said, " A lot of the girls have a problem with you." I replied, "First of all you're a bitchy gossip. Secondly, those "girls" that have a problem with me would have had a problem with me anyway so I am just expediting the process. Now go run tell that!" True story, 90 days later, I was everybody's manager. The big boss saw me as detached from the entry-levelers, highly polished, professional and talented. This would not have happened had I been observed hanging out with the crew. Screw the bottom feeders. They need therapy and everything else. I give a rats behind what some broad thinks about me. Especially some sloppy, single, broke, miserable loser that blames me for her plight. She is sick with no excuse and there is no way out for her. Somebody already died on the cross for me. I do not have to waste one irretrievable second with B.S. Let them look, stare, whisper, gossip. They are sick about my presence. They are hopeless. Befriend them if you will but I guarantee you, birds of a feather flock together. Hang out with three, bastard breeding bottom feeders and you with be the forth. My circle is very small but genuine. My lady friends are true friends indeed. We believe that loveliness is a woman's duty, intelligence is a birthright and wealth is the goal for a well-to-do lifestyle. You cannot get along with everyone. Common courtesy, mutual respect and three feet of personal space. That's all it takes. If a person cannot hurt your physically, they should not be able to run a mental game on you at all. Thank you bullies. You taught me well.

    • profile image

      SoKate 

      16 months ago

      You must ask yourself why another woman's opinion of you is an issue at all. I read this article and thought OMG! I've mastered all 10. I am a bully survivor. Older, fatter, poorer, less educated females made a complete doormat out of me in my 20's. After that trauma and a romantic breakup I figured it out. This is MY life and it MUST go the way I want it to. Without exaggeration, I have only to walk into a room of females and the hate can be cut with a knife. In today's world, however, all ten attributes act as a force field. Let me give you one. My sister-in-law is a competitive loser. Unlucky in love. Cannot keep a man. Has NO woman skills. Cannot find her way around a kitchen. Men stay with her for about 6-8 months. She is into casual sex. Her mother (my mother-in-law) calls me daughter and routinely calls me for recipes. We have the family over for cook outs on the usual holidays. The last time the gang came over (it's always understood that I will cook) my sister-in-law saw me pull out a tray of marinated rib-eyes. She said, "You know, you should only put salt and pepper on a steak. I said, "And what television show did you get that from because you can't cook?" One more. My sister-in-law always asks me what outfits or shoes have I recently purchased. I showed her my new Coach bag and Hermes scarf. The girl actually made it a point to come back for a visit and put her (cross-body messenger, badly worn) Coach bag on my bar stool. I thought, "You gotta be kidding me."Here's another. I went from 178 lbs. to 125 lbs. in time for Thanksgiving which was held at HER family friend's house. (They love my husband). I look up and I hear someone calling my name clear across the room. It was my sister-in-law. All the way up in my face! I'm like, she knows she hates me so why pretend. She had never seem me at this weight and in a smoking body-con sheath at that. Why try to come off like we'er tight buds in this setting? She followed me from room to room. When I sat down she grabbed my hand to examine my nails. This chick is in her 40's. I am over 60. Months later, we went to a birthday celebration for her brother (my husband). She came up to me and pulled her waistband to show how much weight she lost. Her face and everywhere else was still as chubby as ever. She didn't lose a pound. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "Look, I lost weight." A 40 year old now. I said, "Keep working on it. You'll get there." Now all my push back started when I first met her. I have naturally large eyes. This female said, "You look like a fish". Her first remark right off. I looked at my husband (her brother). He looked down because he was not about to check his beloved sister. I let it go for that event but I knew it was on from there. A real sicko. How sick, you ask? After meeting a man for the first time, a week later she paid her own way, round trip, to sleep with this guy in a trashed out apartment for a weekend (yes, she told me the whole deal). Her brother couldn't sway to me for a year. And then he knew he had to come full-tilt ready for a true romance. You must respect me because I respect me. The respect he showed me pissed her off in a huge way. The diamond he put on my finger stopped her pulse.

      Now for the females at work. I came in with a blank slate. Everybody's equal. One woman introduced herself by reaching out to hug me. Really? I don't know you. The first one that reaches out in "friendship" is the one that will slay your good name first. "I don't hug, I told her." She said, "Well excuse me!" I said, "You're excused and let's keep it professional." Reggie, the guy in the office came in and said, " A lot of the girls have a problem with you." I replied, "First of all you're a bitchy gossip. Secondly, those "girls" that have a problem with me would have had a problem with me anyway so I am just expediting the process. Now go run tell that!" True story, 90 days later, I was everybody's manager. The big boss saw me as detached from the entry-levelers, highly polished, professional and talented. This would not have happened had I been observed hanging out with the crew. Screw the bottom feeders. They need therapy and everything else. I give a rats behind what some broad thinks about me. Especially some sloppy, single, broke, miserable loser that blames me for her plight. She is sick with no excuse and there is no way out for her. Somebody already died on the cross for me. I do not have to waste one irretrievable second with B.S. Let them look, stare, whisper, gossip. They are sick about my presence. They are hopeless. Befriend them if you will but I guarantee you, birds of a feather flock together. Hang out with three, bastard breeding bottom feeders and you with be the forth. My circle is very small but genuine. My lady friends are true friends indeed. We believe that loveliness is a woman's duty, intelligence is a birthright and wealth is the goal for a well-to-do lifestyle. You cannot get along with everyone. Common courtesy, mutual respect and three feet of personal space. That's all it takes. If a person cannot hurt your physically, they should not be able to run a mental game on you at all. Thank you bullies. You taught me well.

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      I wish I had a friend 

      16 months ago

      Hello and thank you for this article, I wish you could do a f/u article on how to make friends with women. All my life I have struggled to make friends with other women, I really never get a chance to make friendships because of a person perception of me (I'm more than just a pretty face). I'm humble and kind and would never do anyone wrong to anybody else, I just don't know what I'm doing to keep potential friends away.

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      Nonoe 

      16 months ago

      Thank you so much for an eye opening article, all my life iv bn hated on n struggled to make n keep female friends. but i recently changed the way i approach women and am glad to say im seeing great improvements. Focusing more on the other women has allowed me to discover new joys to friendships. i just dont feel like have lessened myself but rather that i have become a better person for it. I know some may say we don't have to lessen our value to be liked, well I say to them try being humble and considerate to others for a change. Every event does not have to turn into a competition on who can out talk, out dress and out class each other. Ask yourself the question would you want to be your own friend? I bet most of us wont. Be the kind of friend you desire yourself.

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      MIM 

      16 months ago

      Obviously, you’re writing from the point of view of that type of girl who immediately “hates” a woman only by her looks, and is not brave enough to work on her own insecurities. Rather, she prefers to blame someone else for being the mirror of what she lacks but who doesn’t have the courage to take responsibility of her own flaws and insecurities.

      Your article is a reflection of Patriarchy trying to put strong woman down, so you can feel good about yourself, at the expense of a woman who is only being herself with all that it implies, yet you choose to feel ENTITLED to hate.

      You had such a promising title, and obviously you are clever enough to see what’s wrong about that hate, but it was more important to vent your own frustrations against women who are only trying to be their best, rather than objectively help people understand that other women are not to blame for one’s insecurities.

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      Charlotte 

      16 months ago

      Do not lessen yourself to appease jealousy, which after all, STEMS FROM PATRIARCHY. Why would you encourage jealous women in their petty delusions? Making oneself smaller will not make them less self-hating. It is better to be alone than to lie to yourself about your own abilities and greatness.

      Yes. Greatness.

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      Maria 

      16 months ago

      I really do not agree with the advice in this article. Why should anyone change who they are just because others are insecure. It is up to those who are insecure to recognise this and do something about it. We are each responsible for ourselves. For example, if someone is unhappy with their weight as mentioned in the article, then it is up to them to do something to help themselves instead of lashing out at someone who is thinner.

      Just be your true authentic self. If others have issues and insecurities, you are not to blame for this.

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      17 months ago

      No, whatever thing you are doing well, you keep doing it, and dont give a rip what anyone else thinks!

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      leanne123456789 

      17 months ago

      This is horrendous. Whatever woman wrote this is going to lose us the right to vote. If you do something well, you'd better cut it out or else society won't know what to do. You're a woman. Go back to making everyone feel good so you don't have to.

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      ZER 

      17 months ago

      This article is so true. it touches my heart and if I was not at work i would cry a loud until i could find a drop of tear and ability to scream.

      it touches me so much, that i was looking for help " why woman are mad and mean at me" I didnt know answer for so long. I felt helpless in this matter.

      right now, I have received email from privet investigator at our Hub saying I was hire last friday for the incident between you and clique ( I will call her Zee for privacy).

      to reflect back our early life so you can couch where we are now. Zee and I know each other almost ten years. we used to chitchat at community gatherings like Mosques but we never been close friends. we have never pass by each other we out saying hi. now I started work at the Hub she was working there before me. then she started to stop initiating or answering greetings. or she will take it with pale tired face that doesnt show any interest.

      Then suddenly she started frowning and ignoring me when I am talking to her.

      when I stopped talking at her too. she would run away when I am community gathering and who ever with me she wont take greeting from them. like my aunt. my aunt asked me if I have a conflict with her but told her no as much as i know she just ignores me too

      I assumed if the woman at work who all the times tries to create conflict between me and other cliques tried this time with her. I decided to talk to her and apologize to her if I did something unintentional or she got fornication news from that co worker. I accidentally met with her while she was on her way go out. I said dear sister, I have never tried to hurt your feelings. I have nothing against to you. before I finished my talk she screamed I am gonna call police she was kindy swearing on me. she left and complain and created big scene. she said that I harassed her, I pushed her. I threaten her. every lie she could say. god knows what she told them but that is some of the report I was told. since then, there is a meeting and emails about that incident. her plan was the manager to fire me but that is not something happening they know I wont hurt a ratt. I did not do anything to hurt her other than I am taller, or maybe beautiful, or maybe charmer or maybe open to people say hi to them. who knows

      Friends are easily like to hurt me but I cant.

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      Holly 

      18 months ago

      I liked this article. I realize why my sisters ( 10 years older than I) gave me such a hard time and one very mean to me . I think this is a helping article not a critical one. I really had no clue as to why certain woman act / behave the way they do. I didn’t get it. I do now and I am 52 . I look a lot younger than my age . I do want more female friends , ones that are secure seem to be older mostly. So when I choose to join a club with women in it I will take into account these insecurities instead of being so hard on myself and thinking Iam an alien . Thank you .

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      Adorbs 

      18 months ago

      Wow, I have all these qualities you mentioned and now I see why I have never been able to have any female friends. At a point I tried toning down my qualities and my charm to make them like me yes they did but was I happy?, no. So I ended up discarding them funny enough they hype and praise themselves their achievement and successes around me but I dare not do the same , for they pretend to be deaf till I keep quiet. One even said it yo my face that I make them look useless in the eye of the boss simply because am a workaholic a go getter and I always perfect my work to the T. Superiors love me but my friends, co-worker and coursemate complains that their work is always compared to mine and that automatically put them at a disadvantage. Please what am I to do ? Reduce my effort and become a mediocre? Never. I chose the high road and am happier for it. I would advise ladies with such qualities to move around with like minded people not people who only likes you when they dull your shine.

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      Dot 

      18 months ago

      This is poor advice. Dimming your light so you can make others feel better about their insecurities? Sorry, no. The problem is with those that are insecure. They should focus on their own situations and level of confidence, not hate on those who have done well for no good reason. There is enough goodness and plenty of amazing qualities to go around!

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      YeahNo 

      18 months ago

      I'm sorry but I'm not toning anything about myself down to make insecure women feel better. It is their responsibility to find their self confidence. It is not my responsibility to make myself ugly, stop working hard, and stop making myself look nice so that they don't feel bad about themselves. This article is likely satire but I really doubt girls in middle school who want to learn how to get along with other girls are going to understand that.

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      King 

      18 months ago

      This article sucks! Telling woman to dumb themselves down and cover up to make other insecure people feel more comfortable... psh ya right

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      YesnNO 

      18 months ago

      So, I found this article when I was thinking why my co-workers (especially one of them) leaves me out of the group. She is not literally hostile, we talk and laugh and so with the other. However... First of all, I must say that the author discribed perfectly the insecurities of many women. I have been dealing with them whole my life and in every single job I have had so far. (I am 39 yrs. old). Just as most of the comments here, I cannot agree with the advices the author has given and propose. Due to my job, I have always worked with mostly female ambiance and let me tell you, it´s been always a hell. Sooner or later, women started to bull me and dislike me. And I am experiencing something similar now again. I have been working in this job for over a year and I am still an outsider. Why? Because I perform well, I am hard working, keep the deadlines (as the only one in the office), I take care of my appearance, I even work on other projects beyond my company whilest them hardly manage the only job they have... Guess what? My boss respects me and is very happy with me but I am a constant target of gosspis. I can tell because right after I say something to one person, the next day everyone knows. One of the woman whome I consider to be much prettier than me, has already thrown a few parties. Was I ever invited? Nope! The reason - according to me - is bc she has a boyfriend of whome she is very jealous. I think she is afraid to introduce me to him. She sizes me up every day, what am I wearing and even though she throws compliments to other women, never did she give one to me. I know I am not popular in the group bc I can always get things done and leave work with my desk clean, whiles they procrastinate the whole day long and then stay there long hours (and gossip about me of course). I also know they do things outside work without me and they even talk about it with each other in front of me as if I was not present like: Hey what are you doing Friday evening, you want to join me and my bf in that new club? Oh well, it is kind of akward sometimes but as some of you in the comments here have already pointed out - these women, these insecured women will never like someone with whome they feel insecure. It is their shame to leave me out of the group and pretend that I am not good enough for them to be their friend. I agree that it is wise not to provoke them too much and so I do not talk with them about my privacy, my plans, my other projects etc. because they would dislike me even more. Is it sad? Yes, it is as they should get motivated instead and perform better and improve themselves. But it is easier to bully someone, isn´t it. So, you know what? I came to terms that from now on I do not care what they think about me because what really matters is, what I think about them. As for me, I really do not need to have such people around me more than it is necessary. I have only two female friends and not even too close. But I dont care. I´d rather not have any women as friends than to have such who do not like me just because I am trying to be my best.

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      The Realist 

      18 months ago

      So basically... hide your light. Yeah, right. GREAT advice! NOT!

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      Andrea 

      20 months ago

      No way will I teach my daughters to lessen themselves to help others feel better or have friends. I also won't teach them to flaunt or brag either. We should be writing articles about how to work on our own insecurities to reduce judgement of others.. Not telling confident people how to be less.

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      Sam 

      21 months ago

      Womem need to stop this and start loving and respecting ALL of their sisters! Otherwise they have no business claiming to be women... but mean GIRLS!

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      Worst article ever 

      21 months ago

      Worst article ever, grow up and take life by the balls like the 'intimating' women have. I guarantee living your best life with no jealousy or bitterness feels much better than being sad about your own life.

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      Happyandsecure 

      21 months ago

      This article is actually a load of BS! Everything you have listed is actually a plus and I think someone with all these qualities would be a fantastic person. You talk about this kind of woman making other women feel bad about themselves, well what about how these women (and yourself) are making women that push themselves to achieve what they want from life feel like they are constantly doing something wrong just for being themselves.

      I can not believe women still don't realise that if they feel deep jealousy or are annoyed by other women because they have more positive lives it's because they feel inadequate in themselves. By the advice you have given I feel that you would have met women in your life and you have judged them based on how they look, how successful they are or whatever it is and to be honest that clearly just stems from you feeling inferior. Why are you letting someone make you feel inferior? No one is born jealous so why did you develop this jealously of other women?

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      Rylee 

      21 months ago

      Lol, I don't care what catty women think. I'm gonna go out there looking flawless, I don't care about their insecurities.

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      SunRunner 

      21 months ago

      There is a difference in being "stuck up" and being confident! Being "stuck up" is simply a veiled facade in which the insecure put on in order to appear confident and elevate themselves from others. True confidence and inner beauty emanates from within...it is about being humble, kind, secure in your own abilities and position in life, not resenting what others possess, being genuinely happy for others success and using that as a source of inspiration! Most importantly it is not about cutting others down, even the spiteful and envious. Have compassion and recognize that they are suffering in an inner turmoil of their own manifestation, their actions come from a place of insecurity, do not mirror their actions no matter how infuriating the comments may be. Simply see it for what it is (hope that they seek therapy, evolve as a human and one day find peace) and surround yourself with people that nurture your soul! In my experience the most insecure are the ones that have already achieved success by societies standards...yet they fear "losing" what they have or are never fulfilled! The affluent, micro-managing, bitter manager in the corner office, his/her bullying henchmen put on a pedestal, the beautiful career girl that gossips and uses underhanded tactics to get ahead, the charismatic and handsome co worker with everything going for him, beautiful wife/family, successful career, that continues to cheat on his wife! What it comes down to is inner fulfillment...no matter your lot in life if you do not work on your inner world no amount of success, beauty, wealth, status will satisfy! You will always be envious of the people you perceive to have "more", learn to be "enough" and grateful for what you have and that will emanate!

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      Philippa 

      22 months ago

      Women don't deserve your bad behaviour because you aren't grateful for your own life. When you learn to be grateful you will start achieving and thereby will become appreciative of others instead of jealous. In truth, I'm sick of this attitude in women, and I hate you for it. If nothing else works, maybe this fact might wake you up. If you think it's harsh, read the abuse you say you spew out at women for its harshness in proper context, no-one did anything to you, you start the abuse and admit you intend to abuse!!!

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      Jen Burns 

      22 months ago

      You nailed it here!

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      cdhoerer 

      22 months ago

      So sad, it's quite a shame what ou are suggesting us to do. Soudns straight out of the Victorian era. NExt to the advice that we should be less cnofident, playing not to bee intelligent, and up-up our decolletées so the poor littel men are not intimidated and pursue us. No, I rather stay à la Sara Ellis from White Collar than a desperate houswife.

    • profile image

      Diane 

      22 months ago

      If you have to compromise your integrity in order to fit into a group, you need to move on and find yourself more compatible friends. It is disgusting to tell women to downplay their looks, intelligence, ect. so that they are less threatening to others. We have been told to do this for centuries in order to make ourselves more appealing to males, now someone thinks we should do this to appeal to insecure, less gifted women? I thought I would lose it when I read that a thin woman should wear baggie clothes around her fat friends. They want us to hide our fitness and health? That is kinda sick...

    • profile image

      Sweetandsavvy 

      22 months ago

      I agree with the others. Why down play my talents, gifts, and beauty to make insecure women feel more comfy. If rather walk away and totally dismiss them and find real connections. People who are at my level of maturity

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      Amanda J 

      23 months ago

      Why, in the name of all things sensible, would you recommend that a woman limit herself & make herself small to cater to the insecurities of another?!?! Why?!?! Instead- why not teach the insecure how to bring positivity and self esteem into their life so that they will no longer be the petty, judgmental, catty ones? Women that judge & get catty with a woman they deem prettier or smarter than themselves do this because they do noy value themselves. Why not encourage women to love themselves & believe in their own worth, rather than to dim their light & hide their worth?! This article is a great example of the kind of lessons that create the petty competition & low self esteem that makes women fight & alienate each other in the first place!

    • profile image

      lkanony 

      23 months ago

      Well...I understand the categories of what brings upon the jealousy amongst women BUT, to downplay myself to shield security of others IS NOT what I would do nor recommend. It is NOT my job to downplay myself in order to make someone else embrace herself. Plus BELIEVE ME...after you downplay yourself with the baggy clothes or refraining yourself from wearing your designer clothes and bags, you have made it easier for the jealous woman to talk about you. For example

      " Oh look at her...she went from designer duds to looking like a bum." OR "Oh I told you she's no different or better than us..." You can't win for losing when it comes to women that are insecure and jealous of others. Thus, WHY would I want to be around these types of women anyway? WHY would I not want to be myself and be stylish, confident, pretty, smart, a good employee, be in a good marriage/be a good wife etc. to appease other women who have a lack thereof? No, these women need to come to terms with THEMSELVES and make peace with THEMSELVES because in the end the REAL issue and problem is THEM, NOT the woman who sustains and maintains who she is. Because when all is said and done, if it's not me, it'll be someone else or BOTH me and the other woman being talked about negatively for the most childish and petty reasons so that the miserable individual can build a circle that can pacify her (that is if the circle consist of those that are not their own woman) and unite for her/their common good of just plain being spiteful because of their own personal issues.

    • profile image

      A woman who knows her worth 

      23 months ago

      Alex I'm right with you on that. Why the hell should the ones who have it going on because they fought to become her need to go the extra mile to make the insecure feel better.

      It's called triggering. Do something to step into your power. Do something to rise up. Teaching others to dull their shine to help others shine is not the advice. You should be empowering these other women to rise into their greatness. Not telling the greate to devalue themselves so others can shine.

    • profile image

      Kristal 

      23 months ago

      So, I found this article after I've been thinking a close female cousin of mine is trying to make me envious of her..For one, we both became single again around the same time but she has become coupled up quicker than I have. It seems like she's always bragging about her new guy, when personally I could never be jealous of someone dating a criminal. Then she's always stating how old boyfriends of mine have tried to date her prior to them dating me. I've tried to overlook these snide comments from her but I just can't forget how she's accused me in the past of sleeping with her children's father and feel that she's trying to make me envious of her new relationship. I've known her to be envious of me during our teenage years but I thought she matured, I'm seriously thinking of cutting ties with this family member due her past & present behavior.

    • profile image

      Alex 

      23 months ago

      So let me get this straight. Strong and secure women who fight like hell to get what they want out of life should dull their shine so that their intimidated and weaker counterparts can feel better about themselves?? Absolutely not! If my shine that I put the hard work into daily makes someone feel insecure about themselves then that is a personal problem for them and they have my pity. Everyone has something to overcome and I've worked damn hard to get what I have. Perhaps paying closer attention to improving their own lives would serve them better than worrying about the success or failure of someone else.

    • profile image

      Lounaa 

      23 months ago

      I didn't agree entirely with the article as well and I am so thankful for the commenters.

      I had to deal with these types of women who just can't stand you from the very beginning and no matter what you do. Some just hate you when you cross their path.

      Why are people so bloody insecure? They will lie, make up stories... Ot happened to me in at least 3 jobs. I want to have my own company.

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      The Lady Next Door 

      23 months ago

      I too loved the responses. Ugly women are catty jealous and want to compete or think you want their even uglier men. I have a neighbor who can't even look me in the eye, instead she's constantly checking out my body as in a way to see what I'm working with. I work hard. She bragged her husband works three jobs so she can stay home yet is too busy comparing herself with me to even hold a conversation. I'm sick of these dimwit ugly hateful women. I agree with the comments I'm not going to dumb myself down or wear baggy clothes because some insecure cow is jealous.

    • profile image

      Get Real 

      2 years ago

      I was appalled at this article but was so happy when I read many of the comments. Thank God there are so many awesome women that did not but into this garbage. I agree be humble and nice, but do not seem your light to make others more comfortable. They need to work on what's broken in them that makes them feel the way they do.....

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