Ten Things That Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women

Updated on July 7, 2015
What makes your claws come out?
What makes your claws come out? | Source

When the Claws Come Out

A few years ago, I sat amongst a lovely group of church women whom I hardly knew and listened in as they engaged in the same kind of conversation almost every group of women have when they sit down to share a meal together: The fat talk. You know how it goes, girls: “Oh, I really shouldn’t be eating this” or “I just can’t seem to lose the last ____ (fill in the blank) pounds after the baby” or some explanation of what we are doing to lose weight. One woman spoke up about a new book she had read on the topic, addressing the way we think about food. All of the ladies listened in, hoping to find the new secret to weight loss.

“How are we supposed to think about food?” I asked. Up until then I had kept quiet, knowing my place as the lightest woman at the table. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us?!” The woman snapped back. Stunned, I gulped down the food in my mouth before I choked on her words. What just happened?

For all of the women who have found themselves in the same awkward place, wondering what they’ve done to cause the nails to come out in their female counterparts, I have comprised a list of the top 10 things that make women threatening to other women.

Pay attention and remember: Any one of these things can put you on the outskirts of female companionship, and any combination of these qualities can make you a double or even triple threat. If you have all 10, I might hate you, too!

#1: Beauty

You don’t have to believe it for it to be true. If the women around you think you’re prettier than them, your fate is sealed. The prettier you are, the more threatened the women around you will feel. Your mere presence makes them feel like an ogre standing next to you. If they are single, they will see you as the competition. If they are married, they will see you as the seductive temptress desiring to steal their man. My advice? Short of bodily mutation (that was a joke, not a suggestion), there is not much you can do other than play it down. V-necks and mini-skirts will only make your problems worse.

#2. Intelligence

It’s okay to be smart, so long as the people around you aren’t reaching for a dictionary to translate your last sentence. The bigger the words, the smaller your audience feels. Until you know the people around you, keep the conversation light and the mood lighter. Most people just want to have fun. Those brainiacs out there are smart enough to know that your lecture on “Relational Holiness: An Integrative Paradigm for our Time” is alienating the people around you!

Source

#3. Hard Work

Whether you are the stay-at-home mom who cooks every meal from scratch with organic ingredients grown in your own garden or the professional woman who performs every task above and beyond the call of duty, your “good, better, best, never let it rest” attitude is making everyone else look bad. I know what you’re thinking: those lazy, half-mast, bare-minimum bums need to rise to the occasion or just let it go. Unfortunately, the only thing they want to see go is you.

#4. Pecking Order

There are some women who try to bond by putting other women (outside of the group) down (aka gossiping). They are judgemental, critical, and cold. If she does it to them, she’ll do it to you, so watch out! The most critical people are often the ones who have been the most criticized. Take pity on her, but don’t get too close, she bites!

#5. Confidence

My grandma used to say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” Well, don’t. Misery loves company, and if the woman’s name is Misery, she’ll hate you. It’s okay to know and like who you are as long as you aren’t in love with who you are. When you walk into a room, does your presence say, “Here I am!” or “There you are”? Like yourself, but love others, or they will hate you.

Gossip and the Pecking Order of Women
Gossip and the Pecking Order of Women | Source

#6. Dressed to Impress

To some women, a pair of high heels is the same as fishnet stockings and a tramp-stamp. Don’t ask me why, but high heels strike fear in the souls of all your flip-flopping, ballet-flatty, tennis-shoe-sporting friends. Maybe you just like to play dress-up, but the women around you won’t care. They will question your motivation until their insecurity eats both them and you alive. Know the dress code and don’t over-do it. There is a thin line between flashy and trashy. Once the women perceive that you’ve out-dressed them, the only line you will be crossing is the one marked “enemy territory.”

#7. Weight

It doesn’t matter how much you weigh if you are skinnier than someone else. And the thinner you are, the easier you are to dismiss. It’s not because you are so small that they can’t see you, it’s because they are ignoring you. The heavier woman is prone to think that the thinner woman just doesn’t know what it is like. She is less likely to be vulnerable with you, fearing your judgment of her. She is less likely to invite you to the pool with her family because she doesn’t want her husband to see you in a swimsuit. Don’t want to gain weight to fit in? Then wear baggier clothing.

#8. Strong Personality

This kind of woman has an opinion on everything, and she’s not afraid to share it. She always has an answer; it just may not be the right one. She could be far left or far right, extremely spiritual or an extreme hippy, but she can be extremely annoying. Is this woman you? If you are a black-or-white person with unbudging opinions, realize that most of the world operates in shades of grey.

Source

#9. Competitiveness

You know that girl who always has to win? The one who will use your heart as a stepping stool to the top? Well, she may win the game, but she will lose her friends in the process. And what good is victory when you have no one to share it with? With guys, winning and losing is just a part of establishing a relationship. With women, the only winners are those who make you feel like one.

#10. Affluence

The wealthier you are, the more out-of-touch you may be with real people problems, and this may leave you with a bunch of fake friends. Women connect over their weaknesses as much as their strengths. Your ginormous mansion and your luxury automobile may be overwhelming to the most down-to-earth ladies. Unfortunately, even if you can hide your car in the garage, you can’t hide your Gucci purse or your designer jeans. Money talks, and in this case it may be saying, “I’m too good for you.”

Why Women Feel Threatened (and How to Get Over It)

There is a difference between feeling threatened and feeling intimidated. The difference is fear. When a woman feels threatened, she is afraid that you will take (or try to take) something she has (her man, her confidence, her best friend, the role she has established in her group, etc.) or wants (like a promotion, a future boyfriend, etc.). In any case, these threatened feelings always stem from our own insecurity. We don’t fear the things we are secure in. When a beautiful woman walks in the room, we may be intimidated, we may be jealous, but we won’t feel threatened unless we are insecure about our own looks or our own marriage. Threat (along with the insecurity it stems from) brings out the worst in us. We shut down and lash out when we let insecurity get the best of us.

Before the merely intimidated fall into a state of self-righteousness (thinking we are better than the threatened girls, when we're not), let me state that everyone has insecurities. To move from threatened to intimidated (or even unaffected), we merely recognize those insecurities for what they are, using those feelings to motivate us towards change or towards that seemingly perfect woman to find out what she has to offer. Who knows, maybe she’ll rub some of that perfection off on you.

To the threatening women out there, let me offer you my solemn condolences. It’s tough being alone. I guess you have your striking beauty and outstanding IQ as a consolation prize? All jokes aside, I share these insights in hopes that you will move forward with a newfound awareness and will practice humbleness, kindness, and gentleness with the women around you. Go the extra mile to prove that you are more than a pretty face, that your life is not as perfect as it seems, and that you need friends, too. Your attackers strike out of fear, despising parts of themselves more than they could ever despise you.

Friendships Amongst Women
Friendships Amongst Women | Source

What do you think?

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

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    • profile image

      Chana 

      9 days ago

      #11

      Bust size!

    • profile image

      Vanessa 

      13 days ago

      I'm sorry, but this article lost me. A woman should never lower her standards to please a minority who are jealous. For example, saying that well dressed women should 'stick to the dress code', well I'm sorry if they have killer style. Many woman are happy to see other woman successful. Really don't agree with this article.

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      EB 

      2 weeks ago

      "She is less likely to invite you to the pool with her family because she doesn’t want her husband to see you in a swimsuit. Don’t want to gain weight to fit in? Then wear baggier clothing."

      This is where the article (albeit, well written) totally lost me.

      Many others in the comment section pointed out the glaring problem with this article.

      As another post replied: "You should NEVER downplay who you are to make others comfortable. This is written from a jealous and insecure persons perspective clearly".

      To any woman or young girl reading this article, please please remember this: don't EVER feel the need to dim your light so others feel brighter.

      Be a boss-ass bitch who will never apologize for her success, her looks or anything else.

    • profile image

      MW 

      2 weeks ago

      Kindness and humbleness doesn’t work. Best thing I have found is learning to be happy by myself or with the people who love me the way I am. My motto, don’t dim your light to make others happy. Be yourself and find your own niche.”

    • profile image

      Angie 

      2 weeks ago

      Wow talk about an article you should only follow if you want to be a miserable people-pleaser. It's too easy to publish on the web...

    • profile image

      Emma 

      4 weeks ago

      Women are like cats and men are like dogs.

    • profile image

      Anne 

      4 weeks ago

      The ten signs of threatened women are actually agreeable. Love your article. But what about those women who are threatened but just felt sad about the reaction of people around them? Is there any Biblical perspective you can offer on how to counter haters?

    • profile image

      anon 

      5 weeks ago

      Who wrote this? You should NEVER downplay who you are to make others comfortable. This is written from a jealous and insecure persons perspective clearly.

    • profile image

      jc 

      6 weeks ago

      Lol, is this a serious article? No way am I going to try to dress in clothes that make the insecure feel better or try to look less attractive because they believe they are. I don't dress for them , but for myself. I know I'm a good person with a good heart. Maybe they should try and be less shallow and not judge a book by it's cover

    • profile image

      Marielle 

      6 weeks ago

      Koda -- you and I are in the same club. Beautifully spoken, beautifully written. Inspiring. I focus on what God blessed me with, and avoid like the plague the non-supporters and downers. Shame on them for their meanness. I'm sad that their lives are so hollow and shallow that they have to focus on me -- instead of accentuating the positive in their own lives. I seek out like minded, strong and kind women as friends. Don't let the social vampires suck the life spirit out of you. Onward and upward.

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      Kathy 

      6 weeks ago

      To Koda; thank you, thank you, thank you for your marvelous post! God bless you!

    • profile image

      Koda 

      6 weeks ago

      I have mixed feelings about this article. You nail it by listing all the reasons why insecure women tend to turn on those more confident, successful and attractive women. But then you proceed to encourage the latter to change their stripes in order to fit it. This advice is as best ridiculous, at worst, harmful. God created each and every person different. We were all blessed with different looks, gifts, talents, abilities, intellects, personalities, dispositions, etc. No two women are exactly the same by design and therefore it baffles me why instead of embracing their own unique set of attributes, some women choose to become fixated on what they don't have but another woman might have in abundance. They covet the other person's natural, God-given attributes until it makes them bitter, mean and petty. As someone who has unmeaningfully been the "threatening woman" pretty much all of my life I say enough is enough. I am not going to dull myself down in order to be palatable to women who are too blinded by their own insecurities to recognise their own self worth. I have done this many times and guess what? It doesn't make life rosier. I've still ended up gossiped about, backstabbed, abandoned, sabotaged and humiliated by the very people claiming to be my best friends; my inner circle. Those hateful and hurtful women need self-acceptance, they don't need to be justified in their appalling actions by you changing yourself to fit in. As a Christian, I will continue to be loving, humble, compassionate, self-controlled and self-aware. But I am not responsible for the feelings of anyone, least of all those who - instead of working on themselves - seek to undermine & destroy the self-esteem and confidence of good women who happen to be naturally gifted. This is sinful and needs to stop immediately. Sadly, it can be just as common in the church as it is the workplace. Wearing baggies clothes to make a self-conscious woman feel satisfied is not being loving, it's being a doormat. It's disowning who you are, who you were created to be. It's acting out of fear and shame. I once went through a painful personal transformation to allow the insecure women at my church feel better themselves. I stopped dressing stylishly because of their backhanded compliments about me being fashionable. I wore my hair back because my long, volumous waves were eye-catching and enviable to the women with straight, short locks. I changed career focus from media to ministry because I was made to feel spiritually inferior and shallow compared to my fellow church members who were "mission minded". I treated the opposite sex only as brothers to appease the aggressively husband-hunting women who found me a threat to their chances of finding a partner. I over-accentuated my problems and made myself extremely small and vulnerable so that women wouldn't find me too successful and strong. I even hid my ethnicity and natural passion when opposing concerns within the church because I was afraid of being labelled as the "angry black woman" in a white dominated space. To all you threatened women: take it to the altar and stop projecting your insecurities onto others. Know your worth. Stop competing when you are never going to be the same as someone else, no matter how hard you try. Discover what you do like about yourself and be confident in that. If you want to improve certain areas of your life you have the ability; don't make life miserable for others who have what you don't. Don't pressure confident women into hating or changing themselves just to make yourself feel good and to put yourself above them. Nothing is more unattractive than a thirsty, miserable, attention-seeking, gossiping, condescending, insecure woman. Be yourself and let others be whoever they are.

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      Dianne 

      7 weeks ago

      The only women I don't have issues with are my sister and my daughter. I have found women to be a major disappointment and I've reached the conclusion that 'the sisterhood' doesn't exist. I absolutely refuse to shrink so that others can feel taller. You have written an article advising women to live without authenticity. They have to deny their beauty, intelligence, creativity, accomplishments etc so that others can feel better about themselves. Your advice is misguided and if I were you, I would be questioning my motives. Wherever you go in life you will always encounter people who stand out from the crowd for a variety of reasons. They might be funny and entertaining. Or they might be stylish dressers. Another might be a stunning beauty. Then you'll get one who can speak 5 languages and play the violin. But for some inexplicable reason, your advice to women who might be fortunate to possess qualities like these is to downplay their talents. To become grey mice and fade into the background so that they will be accepted. Why am I suddenly thinking of Cinderella and the ugly step sisters?

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      RN 

      2 months ago

      Honestly these threatened women need to grow up, I don't enable immaturity and scapegoating and yes there aren't many females I can be around. The mainstream zombie crowd does have a lack of intelligence, courage, self awareness, beauty and independence. Not my problem or fault. :)

    • profile image

      M ² 

      2 months ago

      The bully here has been my own boss. It's obvious to me that she is insecure, but that doesn't change the fact that her condescension, gaslighting, and high-schoolish behavior has become a huge stressor. She is 45 and has never been married nor had children. Not that there is anything wrong with that, in and of itself, but I think she lacks the empathy and life experience that women her age normally possess. I'm only 32 and feel more emotionally developed than her.

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      Brocksmom4ever 

      3 months ago

      I don’t think a woman who has worked on good qualities, her beauty, her intelligence for the sake of her husband should have to undermine the way she looks etc. I deal with this and I try to cater to these women and watch what I say and how I dress and be kind and they are still catty. Most of the time the more I try the worse they get. So don’t undermine yourself because someone else has marriage or self esteem problems. That is unhealthy and plain ridiculous. Now if you are arrogant, seductive, braggers etc. then you might want to re-evaluate........

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      Tiffany 

      3 months ago

      I’ve been dealing with female bullies at work for many years now...since I started working when I was 16. The passive aggressive behavior only became more sophisticated as I got older and entered the office world. I’m almost 30 years old and still single but happy. I don’t feel this article isn’t directed well in supporting women who are navigating the dealing with a bully in whatever aspect of their lives that may be.

      To tone it down or play oneself as small for the sake of avoiding or placating others isn’t self loving. A woman who experiences jealousy and unsheathes her claws is nothing more than a woman who needs to process her personal feelings toward herself and learn to love herself more. They are not he women who need compassionate understanding but we are not responsible for fixing the issues of others or making them happy at our own expense. We can wish them happiness and want happiness for others—even make gestures that may express that but we can’t make someone be happy or love themselves in their intrinsic core.

      Basically, these jealous bullies need to take responsibility for their feelings.

      I’m sorry for any woman suffering from bullying especially when it affects her workplace which is where most, if not all, of us spend much of our time...40 plus hours a week for some.

      Don’t play small, my dear ladies but be respectful, kind, and exert understanding with boundaries. We’re ALL beautiful and the best thing we can do is support each other and break down the walls of jealousy toward healthier female relations. I may be optimistic and hopeful but, in this world, we need to be if we want to see great change. I’m not perfect either but let’s open up dialogues if and when we can...where we can...do healing can take place between women.

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      JRED519 

      3 months ago

      I don’t think you should downplay anything just because someone might be jealous of you. If you show cleavage, wear red lipstick and wear high heels just do it. I already have had to deal with this and i let it go because it was family. I’m 40 years old and I still look pretty descent and now I could care less what others hate about my appearance. Be yourself! It gets old having to tip toe around because of other people’s feelings. What about yourself? You should be able to speak freely and not have to dumb yourself down for anyone. I have a house a live on rent free, I drive a nice car and I can sometimes buy nice things here and there. Why would I have to hide those things ever? I could go on it I’ve read a few comments that I think have said exactly what I feel. Never will I ever change who I am because of others insecurities. I’ve done it for only one person. It’s gotten very old. Never again. You don’t have to restrict anything about yourself to spare feelings.

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      Anonymous 

      4 months ago

      I’m sorry but I have to disagree with several parts of this. We’re not living in the 50s. Regardless we should never try to be something anyone else can accept. Toning it down? Dressing to please someone else.. it’s ridiculous. I went to the Melbourne cup with a woman almost twice my age who I considered a very good friend. She told me my one shoulder, yes short black dress was trashy. Oh there was a slit cut in the midriff as well. She multiple times told me to try to impersonate Audrey Hepburn’s style. Meanwhile her dress was shorter and she never wore panties. She would often gossip to me if all the men she’d slept with. Let’s just say even at my age she had me beat, by a lot. I never judged her or told her what to wear or how to behave. She recently came into my home and threatened to “slap the shit out of me” then proceeded to calling me white trash and psycho. I just sat there calm, very upset but I kept myself together. I’ve seen her hit her husband countless times and she once purposely shot me with a champagne cork in the face. I’ve picked her up for dinner then paid for the dinner she didn’t eat, I think it had something to do with all the white powder she had under her nose in broad daylight. Her has formed an army of these women in town to hate me and I have no idea why. Bc im skinnier and younger? So what? I know girls skinnier and younger than I am and I don’t behave this way. I’m not going to cater to these women’s needs so they can feel better about themselves. They’re monsters. I know that feeling of making a comment like “how am I supposed to think about food?” And everyone else cringing. It sucks. I’ve never gone out of my way to be hurtful to anyone and it’s clear you weren’t by saying that. The issue was them. Not you. I just don’t think you should try to please other women. I always put thought into my wardrobe and how appropriate it is. Not for the approval of other women though. That’s silly. Actually since this thing I’ve been dealing with has begun it’s only made me want to piss them off more, I can give them lots to talk about when I walk in wearing 6 inch stilettos. They deserve it at this point. I applaud the women I get jealous of. The women I think are better, I admire them. I’m not a caddy shit talking bitch. It sucks women can be so cruel to one another. I was bullied horrendously growing up for not looking pretty enough and now I get threatened with violence for becoming a somewhat attractive woman.

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      Fee fee 

      4 months ago

      I have always been treated like this. The back stabbing oh well sometimes that’s what sets you apart in the first place being brave enough to stand alone! These are very valid reasons and to be honest anyone who is that mean and acts with a pack mentality doesn’t deserve your friendship.

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      Liza D'Ercole 

      4 months ago

      I’m sorry I have run into these issues with women for years. I feel bad they have insecurities but your grandmother is right if you got it flaunt it (in good taste). I won’t down play myself nor would I encourage it. I’ll be who I am with good vibes. I appreciate women who look better than me. Shouldn’t we always aspire to be better?

    • profile image

      Mariz Manalo 

      4 months ago

      I have all 10. Hate me then.

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      Audrey 

      4 months ago

      What a catty and petty thing to do to tell someone to be less of who they are when others have the problem! Maybe go back and rewrite how to tell the jealous ones to get over their insecurities and gain self confidence and chose or leave a man who doesn't respect them and not take their jealousies out on other women. Pathetic article!

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      Randi 

      4 months ago

      I understand this post but I also don’t care too much for it. From what I’ve read you sound like you want women to downplay themselves in order to make another woman less intimidated & to feel better about herself. I refuse to downplay my greatest assets to please another woman or man. Good article but I don’t completely agree

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      me 

      4 months ago

      I feel relieved after I read all those comments. I have been questioning to myself why most of the mothers from my daughter's school avoiding me. Above reasons help me to substantiate my thoughts. But as many women have already mentioned that I cannot dim myself to make them happy. I am happy if they see me as threat or insecurity and improve themselves.

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      Demeter 

      5 months ago

      This article is satire, right? I am NEVER going to dim my uniqueness for man nor woman.

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      5 months ago

      This is discouraging because I already compensate in the ways suggested, and I still get left out. Except for one person, I'm the casual friend who gets invited to all of the standard group things but to none of the smaller gatherings. Oh well. Appreciate the truthfulness, even if it is depressing. At least I feel less confused.

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      Rea 

      5 months ago

      Very bad advise if you ask me. Insecurity in other women should in no way be celebrated. Dimming your light because someone else feels threatened is the wrong way to go. Women keep shining your light, and any a** hole that can't handle that should take a seat wayyyy at the back.

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      kria 

      5 months ago

      The other answer is to be yourself as you can't win either way so you might as well just be you!

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      SoKate 

      5 months ago

      You must ask yourself why another woman's opinion of you is an issue at all. I read this article and thought OMG! I've mastered all 10. I am a bully survivor. Older, fatter, poorer, less educated females made a complete doormat out of me in my 20's. After that trauma and a romantic breakup I figured it out. This is MY life and it MUST go the way I want it to. Without exaggeration, I have only to walk into a room of females and the hate can be cut with a knife. In today's world, however, all ten attributes act as a force field. Let me give you one. My sister-in-law is a competitive loser. Unlucky in love. Cannot keep a man. Has NO woman skills. Cannot find her way around a kitchen. Men stay with her for about 6-8 months. She is into casual sex. Her mother (my mother-in-law) calls me daughter and routinely calls me for recipes. We have the family over for cook outs on the usual holidays. The last time the gang came over (it's always understood that I will cook) my sister-in-law saw me pull out a tray of marinated rib-eyes. She said, "You know, you should only put salt and pepper on a steak. I said, "And what television show did you get that from because you can't cook?" One more. My sister-in-law always asks me what outfits or shoes have I recently purchased. I showed her my new Coach bag and Hermes scarf. The girl actually made it a point to come back for a visit and put her (cross-body messenger, badly worn) Coach bag on my bar stool. I thought, "You gotta be kidding me."Here's another. I went from 178 lbs. to 125 lbs. in time for Thanksgiving which was held at HER family friend's house. (They love my husband). I look up and I hear someone calling my name clear across the room. It was my sister-in-law. All the way up in my face! I'm like, she knows she hates me so why pretend. She had never seem me at this weight and in a smoking body-con sheath at that. Why try to come off like we'er tight buds in this setting? She followed me from room to room. When I sat down she grabbed my hand to examine my nails. This chick is in her 40's. I am over 60. Months later, we went to a birthday celebration for her brother (my husband). She came up to me and pulled her waistband to show how much weight she lost. Her face and everywhere else was still as chubby as ever. She didn't lose a pound. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "Look, I lost weight." A 40 year old now. I said, "Keep working on it. You'll get there." Now all my push back started when I first met her. I have naturally large eyes. This female said, "You look like a fish". Her first remark right off. I looked at my husband (her brother). He looked down because he was not about to check his beloved sister. I let it go for that event but I knew it was on from there. A real sicko. How sick, you ask? After meeting a man for the first time, a week later she paid her own way, round trip, to sleep with this guy in a trashed out apartment for a weekend (yes, she told me the whole deal). Her brother couldn't sway to me for a year. And then he knew he had to come full-tilt ready for a true romance. You must respect me because I respect me. The respect he showed me ticked her off in a huge way. The diamond he put on my finger stopped her pulse.

      Now for the females at work. I came in with a blank slate. Everybody's equal. One woman introduced herself by reaching out to hug me. Really? I don't know you. The first one that reaches out in "friendship" is the one that will slay your good name first. "I don't hug, I told her." She said, "Well excuse me!" I said, "You're excused and let's keep it professional." Reggie, the guy in the office came in and said, " A lot of the girls have a problem with you." I replied, "First of all you're a bitchy gossip. Secondly, those "girls" that have a problem with me would have had a problem with me anyway so I am just expediting the process. Now go run tell that!" True story, 90 days later, I was everybody's manager. The big boss saw me as detached from the entry-levelers, highly polished, professional and talented. This would not have happened had I been observed hanging out with the crew. Screw the bottom feeders. They need therapy and everything else. I give a rats behind what some broad thinks about me. Especially some sloppy, single, broke, miserable loser that blames me for her plight. She is sick with no excuse and there is no way out for her. Somebody already died on the cross for me. I do not have to waste one irretrievable second with B.S. Let them look, stare, whisper, gossip. They are sick about my presence. They are hopeless. Befriend them if you will but I guarantee you, birds of a feather flock together. Hang out with three, bastard breeding bottom feeders and you with be the forth. My circle is very small but genuine. My lady friends are true friends indeed. We believe that loveliness is a woman's duty, intelligence is a birthright and wealth is the goal for a well-to-do lifestyle. You cannot get along with everyone. Common courtesy, mutual respect and three feet of personal space. That's all it takes. If a person cannot hurt your physically, they should not be able to run a mental game on you at all. Thank you bullies. You taught me well.

    • profile image

      SoKate 

      5 months ago

      You must ask yourself why another woman's opinion of you is an issue at all. I read this article and thought OMG! I've mastered all 10. I am a bully survivor. Older, fatter, poorer, less educated females made a complete doormat out of me in my 20's. After that trauma and a romantic breakup I figured it out. This is MY life and it MUST go the way I want it to. Without exaggeration, I have only to walk into a room of females and the hate can be cut with a knife. In today's world, however, all ten attributes act as a force field. Let me give you one. My sister-in-law is a competitive loser. Unlucky in love. Cannot keep a man. Has NO woman skills. Cannot find her way around a kitchen. Men stay with her for about 6-8 months. She is into casual sex. Her mother (my mother-in-law) calls me daughter and routinely calls me for recipes. We have the family over for cook outs on the usual holidays. The last time the gang came over (it's always understood that I will cook) my sister-in-law saw me pull out a tray of marinated rib-eyes. She said, "You know, you should only put salt and pepper on a steak. I said, "And what television show did you get that from because you can't cook?" One more. My sister-in-law always asks me what outfits or shoes have I recently purchased. I showed her my new Coach bag and Hermes scarf. The girl actually made it a point to come back for a visit and put her (cross-body messenger, badly worn) Coach bag on my bar stool. I thought, "You gotta be kidding me."Here's another. I went from 178 lbs. to 125 lbs. in time for Thanksgiving which was held at HER family friend's house. (They love my husband). I look up and I hear someone calling my name clear across the room. It was my sister-in-law. All the way up in my face! I'm like, she knows she hates me so why pretend. She had never seem me at this weight and in a smoking body-con sheath at that. Why try to come off like we'er tight buds in this setting? She followed me from room to room. When I sat down she grabbed my hand to examine my nails. This chick is in her 40's. I am over 60. Months later, we went to a birthday celebration for her brother (my husband). She came up to me and pulled her waistband to show how much weight she lost. Her face and everywhere else was still as chubby as ever. She didn't lose a pound. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "Look, I lost weight." A 40 year old now. I said, "Keep working on it. You'll get there." Now all my push back started when I first met her. I have naturally large eyes. This female said, "You look like a fish". Her first remark right off. I looked at my husband (her brother). He looked down because he was not about to check his beloved sister. I let it go for that event but I knew it was on from there. A real sicko. How sick, you ask? After meeting a man for the first time, a week later she paid her own way, round trip, to sleep with this guy in a trashed out apartment for a weekend (yes, she told me the whole deal). Her brother couldn't sway to me for a year. And then he knew he had to come full-tilt ready for a true romance. You must respect me because I respect me. The respect he showed me pissed her off in a huge way. The diamond he put on my finger stopped her pulse.

      Now for the females at work. I came in with a blank slate. Everybody's equal. One woman introduced herself by reaching out to hug me. Really? I don't know you. The first one that reaches out in "friendship" is the one that will slay your good name first. "I don't hug, I told her." She said, "Well excuse me!" I said, "You're excused and let's keep it professional." Reggie, the guy in the office came in and said, " A lot of the girls have a problem with you." I replied, "First of all you're a bitchy gossip. Secondly, those "girls" that have a problem with me would have had a problem with me anyway so I am just expediting the process. Now go run tell that!" True story, 90 days later, I was everybody's manager. The big boss saw me as detached from the entry-levelers, highly polished, professional and talented. This would not have happened had I been observed hanging out with the crew. Screw the bottom feeders. They need therapy and everything else. I give a rats behind what some broad thinks about me. Especially some sloppy, single, broke, miserable loser that blames me for her plight. She is sick with no excuse and there is no way out for her. Somebody already died on the cross for me. I do not have to waste one irretrievable second with B.S. Let them look, stare, whisper, gossip. They are sick about my presence. They are hopeless. Befriend them if you will but I guarantee you, birds of a feather flock together. Hang out with three, bastard breeding bottom feeders and you with be the forth. My circle is very small but genuine. My lady friends are true friends indeed. We believe that loveliness is a woman's duty, intelligence is a birthright and wealth is the goal for a well-to-do lifestyle. You cannot get along with everyone. Common courtesy, mutual respect and three feet of personal space. That's all it takes. If a person cannot hurt your physically, they should not be able to run a mental game on you at all. Thank you bullies. You taught me well.

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      I wish I had a friend 

      5 months ago

      Hello and thank you for this article, I wish you could do a f/u article on how to make friends with women. All my life I have struggled to make friends with other women, I really never get a chance to make friendships because of a person perception of me (I'm more than just a pretty face). I'm humble and kind and would never do anyone wrong to anybody else, I just don't know what I'm doing to keep potential friends away.

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      Nonoe 

      6 months ago

      Thank you so much for an eye opening article, all my life iv bn hated on n struggled to make n keep female friends. but i recently changed the way i approach women and am glad to say im seeing great improvements. Focusing more on the other women has allowed me to discover new joys to friendships. i just dont feel like have lessened myself but rather that i have become a better person for it. I know some may say we don't have to lessen our value to be liked, well I say to them try being humble and considerate to others for a change. Every event does not have to turn into a competition on who can out talk, out dress and out class each other. Ask yourself the question would you want to be your own friend? I bet most of us wont. Be the kind of friend you desire yourself.

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      MIM 

      6 months ago

      Obviously, you’re writing from the point of view of that type of girl who immediately “hates” a woman only by her looks, and is not brave enough to work on her own insecurities. Rather, she prefers to blame someone else for being the mirror of what she lacks but who doesn’t have the courage to take responsibility of her own flaws and insecurities.

      Your article is a reflection of Patriarchy trying to put strong woman down, so you can feel good about yourself, at the expense of a woman who is only being herself with all that it implies, yet you choose to feel ENTITLED to hate.

      You had such a promising title, and obviously you are clever enough to see what’s wrong about that hate, but it was more important to vent your own frustrations against women who are only trying to be their best, rather than objectively help people understand that other women are not to blame for one’s insecurities.

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      Charlotte 

      6 months ago

      Do not lessen yourself to appease jealousy, which after all, STEMS FROM PATRIARCHY. Why would you encourage jealous women in their petty delusions? Making oneself smaller will not make them less self-hating. It is better to be alone than to lie to yourself about your own abilities and greatness.

      Yes. Greatness.

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      Maria 

      6 months ago

      I really do not agree with the advice in this article. Why should anyone change who they are just because others are insecure. It is up to those who are insecure to recognise this and do something about it. We are each responsible for ourselves. For example, if someone is unhappy with their weight as mentioned in the article, then it is up to them to do something to help themselves instead of lashing out at someone who is thinner.

      Just be your true authentic self. If others have issues and insecurities, you are not to blame for this.

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      7 months ago

      No, whatever thing you are doing well, you keep doing it, and dont give a rip what anyone else thinks!

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      leanne123456789 

      7 months ago

      This is horrendous. Whatever woman wrote this is going to lose us the right to vote. If you do something well, you'd better cut it out or else society won't know what to do. You're a woman. Go back to making everyone feel good so you don't have to.

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      ZER 

      7 months ago

      This article is so true. it touches my heart and if I was not at work i would cry a loud until i could find a drop of tear and ability to scream.

      it touches me so much, that i was looking for help " why woman are mad and mean at me" I didnt know answer for so long. I felt helpless in this matter.

      right now, I have received email from privet investigator at our Hub saying I was hire last friday for the incident between you and clique ( I will call her Zee for privacy).

      to reflect back our early life so you can couch where we are now. Zee and I know each other almost ten years. we used to chitchat at community gatherings like Mosques but we never been close friends. we have never pass by each other we out saying hi. now I started work at the Hub she was working there before me. then she started to stop initiating or answering greetings. or she will take it with pale tired face that doesnt show any interest.

      Then suddenly she started frowning and ignoring me when I am talking to her.

      when I stopped talking at her too. she would run away when I am community gathering and who ever with me she wont take greeting from them. like my aunt. my aunt asked me if I have a conflict with her but told her no as much as i know she just ignores me too

      I assumed if the woman at work who all the times tries to create conflict between me and other cliques tried this time with her. I decided to talk to her and apologize to her if I did something unintentional or she got fornication news from that co worker. I accidentally met with her while she was on her way go out. I said dear sister, I have never tried to hurt your feelings. I have nothing against to you. before I finished my talk she screamed I am gonna call police she was kindy swearing on me. she left and complain and created big scene. she said that I harassed her, I pushed her. I threaten her. every lie she could say. god knows what she told them but that is some of the report I was told. since then, there is a meeting and emails about that incident. her plan was the manager to fire me but that is not something happening they know I wont hurt a ratt. I did not do anything to hurt her other than I am taller, or maybe beautiful, or maybe charmer or maybe open to people say hi to them. who knows

      Friends are easily like to hurt me but I cant.

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      Holly 

      7 months ago

      I liked this article. I realize why my sisters ( 10 years older than I) gave me such a hard time and one very mean to me . I think this is a helping article not a critical one. I really had no clue as to why certain woman act / behave the way they do. I didn’t get it. I do now and I am 52 . I look a lot younger than my age . I do want more female friends , ones that are secure seem to be older mostly. So when I choose to join a club with women in it I will take into account these insecurities instead of being so hard on myself and thinking Iam an alien . Thank you .

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      Adorbs 

      8 months ago

      Wow, I have all these qualities you mentioned and now I see why I have never been able to have any female friends. At a point I tried toning down my qualities and my charm to make them like me yes they did but was I happy?, no. So I ended up discarding them funny enough they hype and praise themselves their achievement and successes around me but I dare not do the same , for they pretend to be deaf till I keep quiet. One even said it yo my face that I make them look useless in the eye of the boss simply because am a workaholic a go getter and I always perfect my work to the T. Superiors love me but my friends, co-worker and coursemate complains that their work is always compared to mine and that automatically put them at a disadvantage. Please what am I to do ? Reduce my effort and become a mediocre? Never. I chose the high road and am happier for it. I would advise ladies with such qualities to move around with like minded people not people who only likes you when they dull your shine.

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      Dot 

      8 months ago

      This is poor advice. Dimming your light so you can make others feel better about their insecurities? Sorry, no. The problem is with those that are insecure. They should focus on their own situations and level of confidence, not hate on those who have done well for no good reason. There is enough goodness and plenty of amazing qualities to go around!

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      YeahNo 

      8 months ago

      I'm sorry but I'm not toning anything about myself down to make insecure women feel better. It is their responsibility to find their self confidence. It is not my responsibility to make myself ugly, stop working hard, and stop making myself look nice so that they don't feel bad about themselves. This article is likely satire but I really doubt girls in middle school who want to learn how to get along with other girls are going to understand that.

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      King 

      8 months ago

      This article sucks! Telling woman to dumb themselves down and cover up to make other insecure people feel more comfortable... psh ya right

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      YesnNO 

      8 months ago

      So, I found this article when I was thinking why my co-workers (especially one of them) leaves me out of the group. She is not literally hostile, we talk and laugh and so with the other. However... First of all, I must say that the author discribed perfectly the insecurities of many women. I have been dealing with them whole my life and in every single job I have had so far. (I am 39 yrs. old). Just as most of the comments here, I cannot agree with the advices the author has given and propose. Due to my job, I have always worked with mostly female ambiance and let me tell you, it´s been always a hell. Sooner or later, women started to bull me and dislike me. And I am experiencing something similar now again. I have been working in this job for over a year and I am still an outsider. Why? Because I perform well, I am hard working, keep the deadlines (as the only one in the office), I take care of my appearance, I even work on other projects beyond my company whilest them hardly manage the only job they have... Guess what? My boss respects me and is very happy with me but I am a constant target of gosspis. I can tell because right after I say something to one person, the next day everyone knows. One of the woman whome I consider to be much prettier than me, has already thrown a few parties. Was I ever invited? Nope! The reason - according to me - is bc she has a boyfriend of whome she is very jealous. I think she is afraid to introduce me to him. She sizes me up every day, what am I wearing and even though she throws compliments to other women, never did she give one to me. I know I am not popular in the group bc I can always get things done and leave work with my desk clean, whiles they procrastinate the whole day long and then stay there long hours (and gossip about me of course). I also know they do things outside work without me and they even talk about it with each other in front of me as if I was not present like: Hey what are you doing Friday evening, you want to join me and my bf in that new club? Oh well, it is kind of akward sometimes but as some of you in the comments here have already pointed out - these women, these insecured women will never like someone with whome they feel insecure. It is their shame to leave me out of the group and pretend that I am not good enough for them to be their friend. I agree that it is wise not to provoke them too much and so I do not talk with them about my privacy, my plans, my other projects etc. because they would dislike me even more. Is it sad? Yes, it is as they should get motivated instead and perform better and improve themselves. But it is easier to bully someone, isn´t it. So, you know what? I came to terms that from now on I do not care what they think about me because what really matters is, what I think about them. As for me, I really do not need to have such people around me more than it is necessary. I have only two female friends and not even too close. But I dont care. I´d rather not have any women as friends than to have such who do not like me just because I am trying to be my best.

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      The Realist 

      8 months ago

      So basically... hide your light. Yeah, right. GREAT advice! NOT!

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      Andrea 

      10 months ago

      No way will I teach my daughters to lessen themselves to help others feel better or have friends. I also won't teach them to flaunt or brag either. We should be writing articles about how to work on our own insecurities to reduce judgement of others.. Not telling confident people how to be less.

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      Sam 

      10 months ago

      Womem need to stop this and start loving and respecting ALL of their sisters! Otherwise they have no business claiming to be women... but mean GIRLS!

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      Worst article ever 

      11 months ago

      Worst article ever, grow up and take life by the balls like the 'intimating' women have. I guarantee living your best life with no jealousy or bitterness feels much better than being sad about your own life.

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      Happyandsecure 

      11 months ago

      This article is actually a load of BS! Everything you have listed is actually a plus and I think someone with all these qualities would be a fantastic person. You talk about this kind of woman making other women feel bad about themselves, well what about how these women (and yourself) are making women that push themselves to achieve what they want from life feel like they are constantly doing something wrong just for being themselves.

      I can not believe women still don't realise that if they feel deep jealousy or are annoyed by other women because they have more positive lives it's because they feel inadequate in themselves. By the advice you have given I feel that you would have met women in your life and you have judged them based on how they look, how successful they are or whatever it is and to be honest that clearly just stems from you feeling inferior. Why are you letting someone make you feel inferior? No one is born jealous so why did you develop this jealously of other women?

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      Rylee 

      11 months ago

      Lol, I don't care what catty women think. I'm gonna go out there looking flawless, I don't care about their insecurities.

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      SunRunner 

      11 months ago

      There is a difference in being "stuck up" and being confident! Being "stuck up" is simply a veiled facade in which the insecure put on in order to appear confident and elevate themselves from others. True confidence and inner beauty emanates from within...it is about being humble, kind, secure in your own abilities and position in life, not resenting what others possess, being genuinely happy for others success and using that as a source of inspiration! Most importantly it is not about cutting others down, even the spiteful and envious. Have compassion and recognize that they are suffering in an inner turmoil of their own manifestation, their actions come from a place of insecurity, do not mirror their actions no matter how infuriating the comments may be. Simply see it for what it is (hope that they seek therapy, evolve as a human and one day find peace) and surround yourself with people that nurture your soul! In my experience the most insecure are the ones that have already achieved success by societies standards...yet they fear "losing" what they have or are never fulfilled! The affluent, micro-managing, bitter manager in the corner office, his/her bullying henchmen put on a pedestal, the beautiful career girl that gossips and uses underhanded tactics to get ahead, the charismatic and handsome co worker with everything going for him, beautiful wife/family, successful career, that continues to cheat on his wife! What it comes down to is inner fulfillment...no matter your lot in life if you do not work on your inner world no amount of success, beauty, wealth, status will satisfy! You will always be envious of the people you perceive to have "more", learn to be "enough" and grateful for what you have and that will emanate!

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      Philippa 

      11 months ago

      Women don't deserve your bad behaviour because you aren't grateful for your own life. When you learn to be grateful you will start achieving and thereby will become appreciative of others instead of jealous. In truth, I'm sick of this attitude in women, and I hate you for it. If nothing else works, maybe this fact might wake you up. If you think it's harsh, read the abuse you say you spew out at women for its harshness in proper context, no-one did anything to you, you start the abuse and admit you intend to abuse!!!

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      Jen Burns 

      12 months ago

      You nailed it here!

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      cdhoerer 

      12 months ago

      So sad, it's quite a shame what ou are suggesting us to do. Soudns straight out of the Victorian era. NExt to the advice that we should be less cnofident, playing not to bee intelligent, and up-up our decolletées so the poor littel men are not intimidated and pursue us. No, I rather stay à la Sara Ellis from White Collar than a desperate houswife.

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      Diane 

      12 months ago

      If you have to compromise your integrity in order to fit into a group, you need to move on and find yourself more compatible friends. It is disgusting to tell women to downplay their looks, intelligence, ect. so that they are less threatening to others. We have been told to do this for centuries in order to make ourselves more appealing to males, now someone thinks we should do this to appeal to insecure, less gifted women? I thought I would lose it when I read that a thin woman should wear baggie clothes around her fat friends. They want us to hide our fitness and health? That is kinda sick...

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      Sweetandsavvy 

      12 months ago

      I agree with the others. Why down play my talents, gifts, and beauty to make insecure women feel more comfy. If rather walk away and totally dismiss them and find real connections. People who are at my level of maturity

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      Amanda J 

      12 months ago

      Why, in the name of all things sensible, would you recommend that a woman limit herself & make herself small to cater to the insecurities of another?!?! Why?!?! Instead- why not teach the insecure how to bring positivity and self esteem into their life so that they will no longer be the petty, judgmental, catty ones? Women that judge & get catty with a woman they deem prettier or smarter than themselves do this because they do noy value themselves. Why not encourage women to love themselves & believe in their own worth, rather than to dim their light & hide their worth?! This article is a great example of the kind of lessons that create the petty competition & low self esteem that makes women fight & alienate each other in the first place!

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      lkanony 

      13 months ago

      Well...I understand the categories of what brings upon the jealousy amongst women BUT, to downplay myself to shield security of others IS NOT what I would do nor recommend. It is NOT my job to downplay myself in order to make someone else embrace herself. Plus BELIEVE ME...after you downplay yourself with the baggy clothes or refraining yourself from wearing your designer clothes and bags, you have made it easier for the jealous woman to talk about you. For example

      " Oh look at her...she went from designer duds to looking like a bum." OR "Oh I told you she's no different or better than us..." You can't win for losing when it comes to women that are insecure and jealous of others. Thus, WHY would I want to be around these types of women anyway? WHY would I not want to be myself and be stylish, confident, pretty, smart, a good employee, be in a good marriage/be a good wife etc. to appease other women who have a lack thereof? No, these women need to come to terms with THEMSELVES and make peace with THEMSELVES because in the end the REAL issue and problem is THEM, NOT the woman who sustains and maintains who she is. Because when all is said and done, if it's not me, it'll be someone else or BOTH me and the other woman being talked about negatively for the most childish and petty reasons so that the miserable individual can build a circle that can pacify her (that is if the circle consist of those that are not their own woman) and unite for her/their common good of just plain being spiteful because of their own personal issues.

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      A woman who knows her worth 

      13 months ago

      Alex I'm right with you on that. Why the hell should the ones who have it going on because they fought to become her need to go the extra mile to make the insecure feel better.

      It's called triggering. Do something to step into your power. Do something to rise up. Teaching others to dull their shine to help others shine is not the advice. You should be empowering these other women to rise into their greatness. Not telling the greate to devalue themselves so others can shine.

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      Kristal 

      13 months ago

      So, I found this article after I've been thinking a close female cousin of mine is trying to make me envious of her..For one, we both became single again around the same time but she has become coupled up quicker than I have. It seems like she's always bragging about her new guy, when personally I could never be jealous of someone dating a criminal. Then she's always stating how old boyfriends of mine have tried to date her prior to them dating me. I've tried to overlook these snide comments from her but I just can't forget how she's accused me in the past of sleeping with her children's father and feel that she's trying to make me envious of her new relationship. I've known her to be envious of me during our teenage years but I thought she matured, I'm seriously thinking of cutting ties with this family member due her past & present behavior.

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      Alex 

      13 months ago

      So let me get this straight. Strong and secure women who fight like hell to get what they want out of life should dull their shine so that their intimidated and weaker counterparts can feel better about themselves?? Absolutely not! If my shine that I put the hard work into daily makes someone feel insecure about themselves then that is a personal problem for them and they have my pity. Everyone has something to overcome and I've worked damn hard to get what I have. Perhaps paying closer attention to improving their own lives would serve them better than worrying about the success or failure of someone else.

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      Lounaa 

      13 months ago

      I didn't agree entirely with the article as well and I am so thankful for the commenters.

      I had to deal with these types of women who just can't stand you from the very beginning and no matter what you do. Some just hate you when you cross their path.

      Why are people so bloody insecure? They will lie, make up stories... Ot happened to me in at least 3 jobs. I want to have my own company.

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      The Lady Next Door 

      13 months ago

      I too loved the responses. Ugly women are catty jealous and want to compete or think you want their even uglier men. I have a neighbor who can't even look me in the eye, instead she's constantly checking out my body as in a way to see what I'm working with. I work hard. She bragged her husband works three jobs so she can stay home yet is too busy comparing herself with me to even hold a conversation. I'm sick of these dimwit ugly hateful women. I agree with the comments I'm not going to dumb myself down or wear baggy clothes because some insecure cow is jealous.

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      Get Real 

      14 months ago

      I was appalled at this article but was so happy when I read many of the comments. Thank God there are so many awesome women that did not but into this garbage. I agree be humble and nice, but do not seem your light to make others more comfortable. They need to work on what's broken in them that makes them feel the way they do.....

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      Veracity 

      14 months ago

      The idea that a women should have to do the following to fit in is simply ignorance. This is exactly why I prefer to be in my own company. I was drawn to this article because this is an issue I see more and more everyday. There is a lot of insecure women out there and often they want someone that they can relate to. I'd rather be friendless and stay alone than to be surrounded by false friends purely to undermind my own gifts. As women we should support one another regardless of appearances. I find the dynamics between men more rewarding as men rarely are jealous of one another; although I finding it exceptionally difficult for these "type" of women... the beautiful one's... we get dismissed by jealous women and ostracized while men just want to most often get into our pants... it truly is a battle to be beautiful when so often people think it's sheer luck... take it from someone who experiences this day in and day out... that's why I'm a lone shark... no guys no girls... just me myself and I... no drama no bs.

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      SunRunner 

      14 months ago

      This is why I am selective with who I allow into my life, time is precious and I do not have time to get involved in drama with insecure, unstable people! My philosophy is to always be your best self, live a healthy, (mind, spirit, body) and balanced lifestyle. I am blessed with a lean hourglass body (even after 2 kids) and natural, youthful beauty. Not only that, I am a multi potentialite and my older son is intellectually gifted. Through experience, I discovered that most anything I undertake I become proficient and excel in. I believe in raising global minded, secure and self aware children so I take my role as a mother seriously! As a result, they are healthy, well adjusted and kind people! I cook wholesome meals, keep my home clean/organized and have a ton of energy to stay engaged with my boys. I am an accomplished runner and get involved in my community, humanitarian work and will not hesitate to help those in need recognizing that once my external beauty fades, I will still be a beautiful individual on the inside! I also possess an analytical mind, therefore I am wise in managing the household and consider my self to be a savvy investor. My relationship with my husband is healthy because he and I work at it, he values my body but most importantly my mind and strength of character! My life has not always been perfect, however I work diligently to create the life I envision! I recognize that many are envious because I am genuine and fulfilled, to a person lacking in their life this may invoke envy. I consider this type toxic and virtually impossible to sustain a healthy relationship as an insecure person will subconsciously find a way to sabotage! If only they can see that the qualities I possess can come to fruition for them, it starts with deep introspection to achieve a healthy self-esteem! Women don't take the time to get to know me due to how I look and when they discover that I am kind, gracious, determined and intelligent as well they sadly become resentful as if life has dealt them an unfair hand or become skeptical or dismissive!

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      Honestly2017 

      15 months ago

      I don't much care for the author's insights or opinions, but some of the commentors seem AWESOME! I love your confidence and strong sense of self. And I completely agree: NO WAY am I going to put my light under a bowl just because other faulty human beings think I am shining too brightly. If God blessed me with beauty, brains and talent, then they are mine to explore and express. Why would anyone try to diminish another woman's glow? Who asks a sunset to shine less gloriously? No healthy person would do that.

      So I salute all of the brilliant, funny, bold, lovely, courageous, glamorous, and blessed women in the world. May you always shine ever so brightly!

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      BC 

      15 months ago

      Very well said, Jayne. I couldn't agree with you more. Bottom line is, MOST insecure women will always have jealousy towards other women. This was a very well written article because it lists all the reasons why inadequate women are jealous of other confident women, except the part where advice was given to prevent further jealousy. Also, I beg to differ with #4-Pecking order or #9-Competiveness. Regarding the former, I'm not exactly sure how that fits on the list because it is more of a jealous woman's behavior, not the ones they are threatened by. Regarding the latter, I actually think the ones who are insecure are the competitive ones. At least from what I've experienced. Maybe another one to add to the list would be "A Guy's Girl". I've always been more of a tomboy (into sports and love the outdoors), but certainly do not look like one. I've been told that many men desire women who can get their hands dirty while presenting themselves as a lady. Those who don't fit this criteria tend to envy those who do. My advice to the readers would be to not ignore the early red flags with girl "friends". Some examples: those who over-compliment and frequently size you up, those who try to shower you with gifts (there is an ulterior motive to this), those who question why you are given a better treatment by mutual peers, those who quickly try to get close to you (i.e. "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer") and lastly, those who try to exclude you for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way and wasted too many years of my precious time trying to BUILD THEM UP, being the good friend that I am. Well, all I can say to that is...my job is done and it's time to focus on ME and my loved ones. If anyone disagrees with my post, please feel free to correct me. Contrary to being secure, I like to be corrected when I am wrong. Good luck to all!

    • profile image

      Jayne 

      15 months ago

      Hmm, yeah, I'm not porking up or dumbing down to fit in with a pack of bovine, gossiping, backstabbing women. I used to be so friendly towards other women, right up until the moment I woke up and realised the reason I had to try so hard was because I made them feel inadequate and they hated me on sight no matter how nice I was to them. Fact is, those women ARE inadequate. They don't have the intellect or capacity to act with grace, dignity, and kindness towards other women. F..... them : )

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      NoName 

      15 months ago

      I agree with a lot of the comments here. "Go the extra mile to prove that you are more than a pretty face"?? Hell no, what is this? So it's MY job to make others feel less insecure? Other womens' mental and emotional state towards me is MY responsibility? Fuck that.

      I always try to be myself, as authentic as possible. Some people won't like me, and I don't give a shit. Some people will, and those are the ones who matter.

      What's this bullshit?

    • profile image

      heyo 

      15 months ago

      Suddenly i had and have to deal with this kind of insecure women. starting from my mother and her sisters. i have learned to build a tough skin and i can not give them 2 second of my time. do you and be true to yourself.

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      Karen 

      15 months ago

      Mom of 3, happy and loving life. For the most part of my life I can say I've always had female haters! I thought it was something bad about me.The truth is after reading this article i am reminded to be thankful for these f-haters. Since a child I didn't have much but what ever I had the girls envy. Just to day I had came home feeling a little sad because some f-haters started to makes insinuations about my life style. For 2yrs they never tried talking to me and when I try making conversations with them, I just get the cold shoulder. To them I seem to have everything , and everything is perfect, to them very perfect, too perfect, and I don't understand where they are from. Little do they know everything I have came with some sacrifices. When I was a child I was taught to work hard and make your own money and buy your own things. So I did. But no matter what those female haters don't have a brain or a heart! Other moms avoid me cause my kids are all honor students. I invest a lot of my time to my children's learning, cleanliness, school, sports,3meals a day,and my job,husband,laundry,parents,siblings,bills,beauty routines, all in a day everyday. I am exaughsted! I don't have vacations just sunday mornings between 6:-12: before the kids wake. Oh yes I make sure I look good everyday! Cause I feel good when I do. Women have a problem with this? It is surely with their inner self, insecurities, they have to look in the mirror everyday at their ugly faces cause they are so mean and full of hatred that it pours out of their skins. But I still love them because they remind me how awesome I am ;))

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      PinkysMom 

      15 months ago

      This crap is why I have few female friends, or want them. As an introvert, I find my own counsel the best, usually. The social insecurities of women annoy me, and made me very unhappy as a kid and a teenager. The price of admission to popularity with other women is just too high, if you don't want to play your role. I'm almost 60. And the game among women clearly hasn't changed.

    • profile image

      Really? 

      15 months ago

      This article points out that some women respond negatively to positive aspects of other women. But instead of celebrating those aspects, they're asked to wear "baggy clothing" and be nicer? It ends on a note of dismissing intelligent women as well. Instead of celebrating differences, this writing is dictating how to "fit in" with the popular girls. Utter bullshit.

    • profile image

      16 months ago

      Although I am sure that the aforementioned reasons are valid for women being jealous, that doesnt mean that if someone is jealous of us that we should try to become less so that they feel uncomfortable and more of a person or a woman. If a person feel bad for who they are, it´s their own personal issue, especially because their feeling of inferiority has everything to do with themselves, and nothing to do with you.

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      16 months ago

      This is BS! So, I'm supposed to only leave my house wearing sweats and flip flops with no makeup to make other women feel better? I have to look like crap and play stupid because they're insecure? Wow! There's really no excuse to treat someone badly. It's called bullying and you are blaming the person being bullied. Sad!

    • profile image

      CPHere 

      16 months ago

      Oh my God! Those type need to keep their pies quiet. If they want to think they are better with the 10 tons of makeup like a rodeo clown that is their prerogative, but don't go bitching at gals that don't want to get all dolled up just to go to the grocery store. It's ridiculous. Sorry some of us ARE NOT insecure and don't care what the general public thinks and we don't have to put on a show for everyone to show how important we think we are in society. It's one thing to get glammed up once in a while, but to think you can't even frigging grocery shop without looking like a top 10 model is craziness. Some people get their jollies off having people gawk at them or etc. Some of us are secure enough we don't need that ego boost 24x7. Give me a break. I am man and some of these women need to grow up. Once all that garbage comes off you are left with the real deal anyhow.

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      6080 

      16 months ago

      pfft. if people don't like themselves they should be better at winning.

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      PH 

      17 months ago

      I don't color my hair or wear tons of makeup, just enough to cover up, and that seems to upset some of the women in my workplace. One of them looked at me and said, "ugh, I need to start doing makeovers for people, again". When I showed interest in improving my appearance, she turned away as if she was not interested in taking on such a huge project.

    • profile image

      QueenShe 

      17 months ago

      Yeah, I'm sorry but I'm not going to "hide" myself to make someone else feel better about themselves. Their self esteem and issues aren't my responsibility or my problem.

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      ELLAPP 

      17 months ago

      I really don't agree with this way of thinking: If someone is bullying you or treating you less than then "bow" down to them and make yourself "less than" to make them feel better.

      That's the sad message being sent out from this article. The innocent should "bow" to the bully

      Women who are jealous and insecure and as a result make other women's lives worse need help in the form of either a therapist/ self-love and compassion /working on improving themselves

      I'm sorry but i don't agree with "lowering" "changing" myself to make other women feel better. Sorry if I'm beautiful, clever, confident and positive and it makes you feel less than - and you feel this way because of my mere presence. Just because YOU cannot handle me loving myself inside out and it makes you feel insecure and act like a jealous b^&(h, then go do something about yourself! I will not lower myself to these "women" to make them feel better. Loving myself having self confidence etc is how I have a positive attitude. I'm not the one with a jealous raging issue therefore I have nothing to "fix"

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      TellingTheRealTruth 

      18 months ago

      Most women are very Horrible as it is especially to one another since there is a lot of Jealousy between them. Women bosses are the Worst Ones of all since they really think that they have so much power which they're total pathetic losers anyway. I will have to say that the Real Good old fashioned women of years ago really did put these women today to Real Shame altogether.

    • profile image

      Gemster 

      18 months ago

      and 12. Being Goal Oriented

    • profile image

      Gemster 

      18 months ago

      Great article!!

      11. If you are talented.

    • profile image

      monique 

      18 months ago

      I am not so sure why woman need to be so jealous of one another. Reading this article made me realise how we as woman put one another down for being just abit better than the other. I myself have always been an outsider and i always thought that the way i am might be the problem. I've even tried to change so many things like being over too kind or just sucking up to some people which disgusts me. (Not the being kind part but the sucking up to people part) I've even thought myself to be a narcissist if i even as slightly mention something good about myself , which is why i don't ever do that. But as i was saying I've come to realise that some woman might feel intimidated because there have been variously times I've been criticised right to my face about being too skinny or my hair is not that sleek or such as my sister mentioned tonight looking at a childhood picture of mine "i looked like crap and haven't changed abit" lol it's kinda funny to me. Because that is not what other people tell me. Anyways...woman should uplift one another rather than putting eachother down because i think that we need one another more than we need men.

    • profile image

      Melanie 

      18 months ago

      I agree with what a lot of your have posted. Don't dial back your fabulous for anyone! I have mean girl issues constantly, but I think it is their problem, not mine.

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      Tai 

      19 months ago

      This is a great article, helped me so much. But, may I add one more category? Talent, if you are talented at writing or cooking or even being funny. Women, get jealous. I don't really understand it because I am not jealous of my friends. I enjoy being around awesome women who are beautiful and smart and funny and talented. I have had jealous women of me my entire life. I even had a friend not invite me to her wedding and she sent me a long letter that because I am prettier than she is ( according to a dumb statement her fiancé made to her ) She was sorry but she thought it might ruin her day........ ridiculous, the price we put on external things. We women are smarter than this we need to grow up!

    • profile image

      19 months ago

      I'm a young lady who has been going through this every since I was a little girl. Literally. I'm 21 years old and can't even form solid friendships because women eventually find themselves hating me. I only have one,maybe two good friends and I pray that our friendship will remain strong because it's hard for me to bond with certain women. I have women that I've seen I public(we don't know each other) and they stare me up and down with dirty looks. I just wish that it would go away because I'm truly a sweetheart. I care about people and I love interacting with people but it's hard when you have more women disliking you than you have liking you. It's not a life any woman wants to live no matter how pretty you are. I hope that my life will get better because it gets tiring when women always dislike you for whatever reason. The only thing I can continue to do is pray for myself and my situation.

    • profile image

      Loner693 

      19 months ago

      I don't understand why women have to downplay their intelligence, success, or beauty in order to be accepted by other women. I have seen some very smart, beautiful women be treated like crap by other women even if they are humble and kind as well. If you are humble and kind and other women are still being rude to you because they feel threatened or intimidated, then at some point it's better to move on to a new group of friends.

    • profile image

      Miss V 

      19 months ago

      I'm sorry but I disagree that we should change to accomadate women who are insecure and feel threatened. I'm humble, friendly and never intimate ppl but women with insecurities will always feel that way no matter what. So my advise to women who have been though this - don't change , stay and be true to yourself it's not your problem that other women feel threatened and insecure by you.

    • profile image

      Gigi 

      19 months ago

      I think it's unfortunate that women do this type of thing to each other. I have been on the side in which women are catty to me and behave in the way the author mentions. As I'm now 50, I can see an insecure woman immediately or a women that is in a lot of pain and the only way she can feel better about herself is to put some other women below her on the pecking order or other. I hope that these women will become enlightened to their actions and change their behavior. If they don't, it's a dysfunctional and this type of behavior isn't healthy for anyone. Live a genuine, truthful life and like yourself no matter what your size is, intelligence level or what you have material. We only have one life and this is not a dress rehearsal. Live it well.

    • profile image

      Jade 

      20 months ago

      I am one of those labelled as "life of the party"...happy, alive...and i find i have to lower my level of this so female relatives can feel i am not stealing their floor....but with others especially males in the room they seemed to zoom in on my laughter and notices my happy energy and enjoys that i am having a good time.....but why cant females in the room feel the way men in the room feels? I am just happy being around people and that is all it is. I am not even trying to get any attention it is just my personality...happy, energetic and love being around people. I wish they would understand that.

    • profile image

      Bethania 

      20 months ago

      This article is ridiculous. The jealous and petty WANT you to dowse your light so they feel more comfortable with their own insecurities. When in fact, these females are the ones who are delusional. When are we going to start to hold the sender responsible for their destruction instead of the female who receives it b/c she choose to work hard, both in home/career/self? Stay away from these females...they will destroy EVERYTHING they think you hold dear. Never diminish your light for someone else's comfort. Wake up!

    • profile image

      Taliah 

      21 months ago

      This was a great article!! I really needed this. I have been dealing with this throughout most of my adult life and no matter how humble or friendly I am with certain women (especially certain women in the church), they still seem to give me the cold shoulder or ignore me whenever I'm around. But I'm never going to stop being successful, never going to stop pursuing my passions, never going to stop helping people, never going to change my "fashionable" style! We shouldn't have to conform to fit in with people!

    • profile image

      Sydney Breeze Lowe 

      21 months ago

      I have had this issue since I developed at the tender age of 11. Girls and then women have always been in competition with me. Shown me the cold shoulder and been more than willing to believe the worst in me. However, I have never gone or done anything at least not intentionally to go after anything that belongs to someone else. I am put together fairly well, with a nice full figure, pretty figure, good hair you know all the things that make you pretty. I also have a decent IQ hold 2 degrees and have a good reputation in my chosen field. I did all of my work and got advancement without stepping or sleeping on or with anyone. It still has not stopped women from coming at me with threats. Even family members only keep me around when they need something from me because of the jealousy thing. Believe me it causes me to spend a great deal of time alone and doubt myself a great deal, I never know if anyone if wanting to really be my friend or if they just want something.

    • profile image

      CJ 

      22 months ago

      Frankly, I really needed this. Women can be vicious, ignorant, jealous, mean-spirited and in denial about all of it. Secretive and gossip-mongers, this sort of woman will use the negative "smack" about other women to feed their insecurities. All there really is to say about this kind of behavior is "Bye."

    • profile image

      Anna Pennuell 

      22 months ago

      Every once in a while I get that shocking moment when a woman suddenly acts like I'm out for her job, social status or her man. It completely floors me and I'm speechless! My friends tell me it's for the reasons in this article, but I'm still confused because I'm just... me! I don't brag it show off, I don't wear clothes that show off my figure and I rarely even wear makeup. I've actually TRIED to look unattractive hoping it would make life easier, but... I guess one day it'll get easier.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 

      23 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Interesting article. I have come to realize that I can only be myself. And I don't really care who likes me, and who doesn't like me.

      Life is far too short to be worried about the opinion of others. And I highly doubt that if I change myself to suit someone else, they will actually like me. I prefer to associate with those who appreciate who I really am.

      Thanks for writing.

      Namaste

    • profile image

      Sue Evarts 

      23 months ago

      This blog is ridiculous. Truly. 1950s mindset. Maybe trying to be who you are not is crushing you .Pay attention to your own needs , desires and dreams and quit writing this hogwash Hopefully no one takes it seriously

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