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10 Things That Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women

I value friendship and camaraderie between women and I like giving advice on how to grow friendships between women.

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When the Claws Come Out

A few years ago, I sat amongst a lovely group of church women whom I hardly knew and listened in as they engaged in the same kind of conversation almost every group of women have when they sit down to share a meal together: The fat talk. You know how it goes. They say things like, “Oh, I really shouldn’t be eating this,” or “I just can’t seem to lose the last ____ (fill in the blank) pounds after the baby.” One woman spoke up about a new book she had read on the topic that suggested the solution was to change the way we think about food. All of the ladies listened in to learn the secret to weight loss.

“How are we supposed to think about food?” I asked. Up until then I had kept quiet because the privilege I held as the smallest woman at the table meant that I should listen rather than center myself in the discussion. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell us?!” The woman snapped back. Stunned, I gulped down the food in my mouth before I choked on her words. What just happened?

For all of the women who have found themselves in the same awkward position of wondering what they’ve done to cause the claws to come out of their female counterparts, I have comprised a list of the top 10 things that make women seem threatening to other women.

Pay attention to your interactions with others and remember that any one of these things can put you on the outskirts of female companionship. Also keep in mind that any combination of these qualities can make you a double or even triple threat to another person. If you have all 10 of these qualities, I might even hate you too!

10 Reasons Why Other Women May Be Jealous of You

  1. You're Beautiful
  2. You're Smart
  3. You Have a Strong Work Ethic
  4. You Don't Fit Into the Group Pecking Order
  5. You're Confident
  6. You're Fashionable
  7. You're Thin
  8. You Have a Strong Personality
  9. You're Competitive
  10. You're Wealthy

Ten Traits That Make a Woman Threatening to Other Women

1. You're Beautiful

Whether or not you believe you're beautiful, if other women around you think you’re prettier than them, you may struggle to connect with them. People of any age, body type, or size can be confident or insecure about their appearances. If someone feels that their appearance deviates from societally imposed standards of beauty, they may project their insecurity onto people who fit the standard more closely. It's possible that other women may feel threatened by your beauty and your mere presence may make them feel inadequate. If they are single, they may see you as competition for romantic partners. If they are married, they might see you as a seductive temptress who is plotting to steal their spouses.

My advice:

Short of bodily mutation (that was a joke, not a suggestion), there is not much you can do to change your appearance. You can try to down-play your attractive features, but ultimately, you shouldn't have to hide your good qualities to assuage someone else's insecurities. If people seem threatened by your appearance, it may be helpful to offer sincere compliments about their appearances to help them feel more confident and less threatened by you. Don't be excessively complimentary or self-deprecating, but be kind and encouraging. If you've demonstrated that you don't consider yourself to be better than others based on appearance and you're still being treated with hostility, consider distancing yourself from that relationship.

2. You're Smart(er Than Them)

It’s okay to be smart, so long as the people around you aren’t reaching for a dictionary to translate your last sentence. The bigger the words you use, the smaller your audience may feel. Until you know the people around you, keep the conversation and the mood light. Most people just want to have fun. Make sure that you're a fun conversationalist when you communicate with other people.

My Advice:

Brainiacs should be smart enough to know that giving a lecture on some obscure topic can be alienating for the people around you! You don't have to dumb yourself down when you talk to other women, but if you're a very smart person, try to refrain from using your intelligence to make other people feel stupid. Don't show off or act condescending, but don't hide your intelligence either. Get comfortable with being yourself and let other people know the real you too.

3. You Work (Too) Hard

Whether you're a stay-at-home mom who cooks every meal from scratch with organic ingredients grown in your own garden or the professional woman who performs every task above and beyond the call of duty, your hands-on approach to life can make some people feel insecure about their own work ethic. I know you’re probably thinking that lazy, bare-minimum bums need to rise to the occasion or just let it go. Unfortunately, the only thing they will want to see go is you.

My Advice:

If your accomplishments and drive seem to make other people avoid you, try to avoid bragging, and don't offer unsolicited advice to people about their initiative or lack thereof. Save detailed conversations about your goals for friends who similarly have a lot going on.

4. You Don't Fit Into the Pecking Order

There are some women who try to bond with others by creating power imbalances and social hierarchies. One way to maintain a power imbalance is to undermine some people and make them seem inferior. This can be accomplished by putting other women down or by gossiping about them. Other members of the group will follow the lead of the more powerful person in the group so they won't get ostracized by everyone else. Some people will contribute to and participate in unfair power imbalances because they want to, and some people will participate to avoid being placed at the bottom of the pecking order. These kinds of people are judgmental, critical, and mean.

My Advice:

If a person is willing to engage in petty gossip with you, they will probably also gossip about you. The most critical people are often the ones who have been the most criticized. Take pity on gossips, but don’t get too close to them!

5. You're Confident

My grandma used to say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” Well, don’t. It’s okay to know yourself and like who you are as long as you aren’t egotistical about it. When you walk into a room, does your presence say, “Here I am!” or “There you are?" Some under-confident people will feel threatened by another person's confidence. Make sure that you are being confident and not arrogant when you interact with people.

My Advice:

Learn to like yourself and love others at the same time. You can be confident without being arrogant, and you should encourage your friends to be confident in themselves too. Keep in mind that it's not your job to make someone else feel good about themselves. You can be the most supportive and encouraging friend and still encounter other people who will treat you as if you're doing something to undermine them. In addition to unabashedly owning your confidence, seek friends who can sport theirs without expecting you to shine less brightly.

6. You're Always Dressed to Impress

To some women, a pair of high heels is the same as sporting a pair of fishnet stockings and a tramp-stamp. Don’t ask me why, but a well-dressed woman can strike fear into the souls of all your flip-flopping, ballet-flatty, tennis-shoe-sporting friends. Maybe you just like to play dress-up, but the insecure women around you won’t care. They will question your motivations until their insecurity eats both them and you alive.

My Advice:

Know the dress code and don’t over-do it. There is a thin line between flashy and trashy. Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and attractive, but be aware of how you're presenting yourself and what kind of outfits are appropriate for each occasion. If your friends complain about your clothes, consider what they're saying and why. Feel free to let them know that they're welcome to change the way they dress if they want to enhance their style or get a different kind of attention.

7. Your Weight

It doesn’t matter how much you weigh if you are skinnier than someone else. And the thinner you are, the easier you are to dismiss. It’s not because you are so small that they can’t see you, it’s because they are purposely ignoring you.

Heavier women may think that thin women just don't know what it is like to have a larger body type, and they're right to a certain extent. Thin people are not treated badly on the basis of their thinness, but large people are definitely treated badly based on their size and weight. While a thin person can understand that intellectually, she will not experience the same kind of prejudice as a larger person.

A plus-sized woman may be less open and friendly towards a thin person. Maybe she's been bullied or treated as if she's less important by thin people, and as a result, she may not want to be close to or vulnerable with you if you're thin. Perhaps you've flaunted your size or been disrespectful about hers. Or maybe she struggles with feelings of jealousy. No matter what the reason, weight can affect how a person is treated.

My Advice:

Recognize that being thin is a privilege. You don't have to feel bad for being thin or apologize for it, but you should acknowledge that people (especially women) are treated differently based on their weight and body type. Treat all people with respect regardless of their appearance, acknowledge your privilege, and use it to be supportive towards people, rather than oppressive. Befriend people of all body types and treat them with dignity and respect. If you still struggle to connect with a person because of the power and social imbalance associated with your sizes, then understand that sometimes, you can't be close friends with everyone. Unfortunately there are social and cultural systems that create barriers between people. Treat others kindly, but don't force a fit.

8. You Have a Strong Personality

There's a difference between being strong and being overbearing. A strong person is usually firm about who they are, their boundaries, and their beliefs. When a woman is strong, she typically doesn't need obedience or approval from every person she interacts with, and she can accept that she and her friends may disagree on some things. However, an overbearing woman has an opinion about everything, and she usually insists on sharing that opinion. She always has an answer to every question, it just may not be the right one. She could be far left or far right, extremely spiritual or an extreme hippy, but no matter what she believes, she can be extremely annoying when she forces her opinions and perspectives onto other people. Which kind of woman are you?

My Advice:

If you are the sort of person who embraces a black-or-white perspective try to recognize that most of the world operates in shades of grey. It's okay to have opinions or beliefs, but remember that other people may have different perspectives. Try to respect that other people will have their own ways of viewing the world and don't force your opinions onto other people.

9. You're Competitive

You know that girl who always has to win? The one who views every aspect of social interaction as a competition, and the one who will use your heart as a stepping stool to the top? Well, she may win the game, but she will lose her friends in the process. And what good is victory when you have no one to share it with?

My Advice:

Don't let a sense of competition cause you to mistreat others and don't maintain friendships with overly competitive people. Even if you're a naturally competitive person, try to avoid treating all aspects of your social interactions as competitions. Constantly trying to out-do others will make it hard for people to be vulnerable with you. It might be a good idea to examine why you feel the need to compete with others.

10. You're Affluent

The wealthier you are, the more out-of-touch you may be with average people and their problems. Women can connect over their weaknesses as much as their strengths. Your mansion and your luxury cars may be overwhelming to the most down-to-earth ladies. Being wealthy may eliminate some types of stress from your life, and some people may resent the fact that you have so much when they have less. Unfortunately, even if you can hide your car in the garage, you can’t hide your Gucci purse, your designer jeans, or your wealthy lifestyle. Money talks, and in this case it may be saying, “I’m too good for you.”

My Advice:

Don't flaunt your wealth or brag about the financial blessings you enjoy. Nobody likes a braggart, and it is hard to be friends with someone if they use their wealth to make others feel jealous. Try to be discreet about your capital—especially if your friends don't have the same financial background as you.

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Is She Jealous of Me?

People can dislike someone for a number of good and bad reasons. Sometimes a person will act mean because they're jealous of someone else. Are you constantly getting picked on or left out? Have friends who were previously cool suddenly become hostile or passive aggressive? Or maybe you just can't manage to feel welcomed by a group of people no matter how hard you try to befriend them. Inexplicably hostile people may be feeling jealous of you. But how can you know for sure? This article lists a number of signs that someone is jealous of you.

Even though feeling jealous and dealing with jealous people is a part of life, you can determine whether or not you want to continue interacting with jealous people. You can also decide how you will respond when you feel jealous of someone else. Don't hurt other people because you feel jealous, and don't accept hurtful treatment from people who are jealous of you. While we can't control how people treat us, we can make decisions about who we decide to interact with based on how we feel around others.

Why Women Feel Threatened (and How to Get Over It)

There is a difference between feeling threatened and feeling intimidated. The difference is fear. When a woman feels threatened, she is afraid that you will take (or try to take) something she has (including her man, her confidence, her best friend, the role she has established in her group, etc.) or something she wants (like a promotion, a future boyfriend, etc.). In any case, these threatened feelings usually stem from our own insecurities. People don’t fear losing the things they are secure about. When a beautiful woman walks in the room, we may feel intimidated or jealous, but we won’t feel threatened unless we are insecure about our own looks. Feeling threatened can bring out the worst in us. We may shut down or lash out when we let insecurity get the best of us.

Overcoming Insecurities and Building Bridges

Don't be self-righteous or act like you're better than someone who feels threatened by other women. Everyone has insecurities, and everyone will feel threatened sometimes. The best way to overcome these feelings is to recognize that you feel insecure and examine why you feel that way. When you take an honest look at yourself, you may be less inclined to be hurtful to someone else.

If you're being ostracized by other women, let me offer my condolences to you. It’s tough being singled out. Even if your positive traits alienate some people, you still have your striking beauty and outstanding I.Q. as consolation prizes. All jokes aside, I hope that you will move forward with a newfound awareness of your appealing traits, and I hope you will practice humility, kindness, and gentleness with the women around you. If you feel that you're being unfairly judged for your positive qualities, consider going the extra mile to prove that you are more than a pretty face, and that your life is not as perfect as it seems. You need and deserve good friends just as much as any other person. Envious, insecure people may pick on you out of fear, and people who act that way probably dislike parts of themselves more than they could ever despise you.

If an empathetic and friendly approach to bonding with some people fails, keep in mind that you can always try to befriend people who will treat you well. You don't have to stay connected to hurtful people, and it is not solely your job to make a relationship work. In addition to being empathetic and self-aware, have enough self-respect to know when you deserve better.

What Do You Think?

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Comments

Thank you! on August 06, 2020:

SeaweeSal on July 11, 2020:

The article made some valid suggestions but I have a more unique situation that women I really don't even know attack me verbally, then start crying. It's weird and my manager at more than one job has said this woman or group of women was threatened by me. Even the local supermarket cashier's are extremely rude to me. This has happened to me a lot at jobs, etc. Now I actively despise most women where before I used to assume the best in each person. I am elderly and not taking abuse anymore.

Kristen on July 06, 2020:

Yeah, weight and having a fit, healthy body is definitely not a "privilege." It's the reward of hard work and discipline. I have lost around 80 lbs, and it has been TOUGH. I have had to become mentally tough, as well as physically tough. And enough with calling fit, healthy women "skinny." When I lost that weight, I lost friends too, jealous so-valled "friends" who decided I apparently don't deserve the health and strength I've achieved because it made them feel bad about themselves. As though it has anything to do with them! Being treated better by others due to weight is a sad privilege, as common decency should be something every human receives. But being healthy, fit, and strong are the just rewards for determination, mental toughness, and hard work, and it is certainly not a privilege.

Nicole on June 29, 2020:

Whome ever wrote this article, knows nothing about women.I’m a plus size coke bottle and I love every curve in my body... if it’s a women she’s extremely insecure

Stephanie on June 21, 2020:

Terrible article.

Maeve Lee on April 20, 2020:

And yet another jealous beotch trying to dim the light of other individuals.i don't care if other women feel threatened by my looks, intelligence, sex appeal, or talent and I'm not going to pretend that I'm not amazing so that other women don't hate me. Tough noogies.

Ella on April 19, 2020:

This article is rubbish. I'm a nerdy, ugly, short-ass, socially awkward, broke, aging hag that can't get a man to save my life. My life has been pretty much a horror film from the start. But I don't hate on other women. I have two models in my family and I love them to bits. I would never ever want other women to dress down, or act less confident or whatever other crap. They didn't have a choice in being born to rich families or with good genetics any more than I chose my circumstances. You work with whatever hand you've been dealt in life and try to make the world just a tiny bit better in the short amount of time you have here. It is pot luck what you get when you start out in the world and I can't get mad at them any more than I can get mad when a player gets dealt better cards in a game of poker. If they act like divas and treat people badly because of their better life, then that's different. But most don't.

Autumn Update on January 24, 2020:

Mean girls ... I am in the middle of being slandered by a group of petty, younger immature women. Am well and truly baffled!

Heather on January 22, 2020:

Why are you encouraging women to be less than they are? You are the problem.

Mary779 on January 16, 2020:

What about skinny women who hate on full figured, pretty women? They exist, you know.

Thank you for writing this on October 21, 2019:

I needed some reassurance. You hit the nail on the head with most.

One thing I have to disagree with you on is thinness is absolutely not a "privilege." For me at least, my weight is the result of years of research, exercising regularly, and a ton of discipline. Unless you have an underlying health condition that makes you gain weight, most of the time your weight is a reflection of your eating and exercise. I'm not more privileged than someone else, just more disciplined and health obsessed

February on August 20, 2019:

I would never dim my light for bitches like this... in fact, it usually can't be done even if you try. If you're pretty you're pretty. If you're likeable, you're likeable. If you have a beautiful aura, that aura is beautiful. It's tough to keep a stiff upper lip against evil, however, and that's what we're really talking about here. Evil. We have to fight it every day. Such is the human condition.

welcome to the complain store on August 05, 2019:

Great article. I don't understand all the complaining. Seriously, just take a moment to read between the lines. It's not about changing who you are to please a group of catty women. In fact staying true to yourself has been mentioned several times:

"ultimately, you shouldn't have to hide your good qualities to assuage someone else's insecurities."

"You don't have to dumb yourself down when you talk to other women"

"In addition to unabashedly owning your confidence, seek friends who can sport theirs without expecting you to shine less brightly."

"Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and attractive, but be aware of how you're presenting yourself and what kind of outfits are appropriate for each occasion."

I could go on, but let's expand on that last one. AWARENESS.

The takeaway here is to be aware of the problem (insecure women don't like you), the cause (you're awesome in some way and it's threatening), and the possible solutions (be yourself AND aware of how others feel in your presence or respond to your behavior.)

I'm admittedly guilty of "bragging" when I feel great, saying things that can be taken the wrong way, etc, and would like to be perceived as a warm, inviting human being who likes to laugh and uplift the women in my life. Apparently, this is not how most women see me and I am struggling to find my tribe.

Thanks for the advice. I'll try to be the best version of myself without being a jerk about it. The right people will respond positively.

Amused on August 05, 2019:

Lily j your insecurity is showing and it is you who should be embarrassed. I literally laughed out loud reading your comment.

"this writer is probably one those insecure girls who tries to dim anyone else who’s pretty smart or actually has something going for them how embarrassing"

Maybe your reading comprehension sucks. Maybe you've never been bullied by a group of mean girls and therefore cannot relate. OR maybe you are everything negative described in this article and don't know how to deal with the ugly truth. It's obviously the writer's problem and not at all a YOU problem, right? Hahaha insecure women just f'ing tickle me.

J on August 01, 2019:

Being HWP, or, as you describe it, being thin, is not a "privledge," it is the result of eating normal amounts of healthy food, and getting exercise. I have no sympathy for people who eat junk and don't get any exercise, then whine about being fat. If someone has a problem with me because I take care of myself, that says more about them than it does about me. If that's the only reason they can find to dislike me, then I probably don't need them in my life anyway.

Lily j on July 28, 2019:

This articles ‘ advice’ is probably the worst thing I’ve read in my life this writer is probably one those insecure girls who tries to dim anyone else who’s pretty smart or actually has something going for them how embarrassing

Bob and the missus on July 28, 2019:

My wife and i read the article. We found the article brilliant helpful and even emotionally provacative. Thanks to the author. Had no idea big boned women lived their days feeling bad about their weight to that extent etc. Love and peace! We like thick. . .we like lower class etc.

Read it again, this time with glasses on July 21, 2019:

I think she hit the nail right on the head. Women can be very bitchy. Just know that if you are an attractive woman and your getting undesirable looks from women you don't ever know, take it as a compliment, Your probably much better looking then they are.

Roseanne Elliott on July 16, 2019:

I really wasted my time reading this article. It's a complete waste. It's not telling you to be you. It's telling you to be someone else so you could fit everybody else's standards.

The writer of this article shows so much arrogance.

Sarah on June 13, 2019:

This article is wrong in so many ways. Nobody should have to dull their shine to make anyone feel better about themselves. All this article does is promote doubt and make people question their self worth. I would rather be by myself than feel alone in a crowd

Simone on June 09, 2019:

First of all, this article fails to mention the women who RIGHTFULLY get attacked, such as in situations where they are purposefully attempting to seduce, say, you're finace, right in front of you . . . there is definitely a balance here. But when we women are just bouncing around in our own skin, minding our own lives and other women attack for seemingly no reason, that's where I get confused.

Such as, the situation when I am in a group of women who are equally talented and physically attractive in all aspects (or they are MORE "successful" or attractive), have no reason to be jealous or power tripping and proceed to, ever so slightly, tear me down? I don't even have to open my mouth! Or how about the situation wherein the group of women, no one wants the lead role to accomplish whatever it is that needs done (say, like, in a place where everyone is volunteering time), I'm doing my own thing, but all the women keep asking ME what to do, so now, I'm the leader, then they get mad because they don't like the way I'm leading and decide to let me do all the work? (project much?) The majority of women are passive-aggressive whiners and definitely back-stabbers. Quite frankly, I have no time for 90% of them and their socially acceptable ways of attacking via gathering group approval to single out and attack the strongest woman. Most of them enjoy hanging with like-minded others who will support them in groveling about their insecurities. I am much more comfortable hanging around men. Men enjoy my company as well. I really don't care if it is because the men enjoy my physical qualities and mind, it's much better than being attacked and constantly berated by bodies full of emotional insecurities that aren't really seeking any solutions. For another example, I shared a house for a couple of years with 3 other people (one man, two women and one of the women owned the house). The woman who owned the house was 85. In her "prime" she was the center of attention, a self-made famous artist, who all the men loved and many women hated, although, she did have a good group of female friends. Funny, because she and I always had a power dynamic happening. She loved to act like she was my mother, telling me what I could and could not do (mind you, I was 35 years old). And one time, when I brought home a date and we were sitting and talking, she happened to be in the kitchen. So she joined the conversation but was talking to him as if she was trying to move in on him! Of course, as women do, she was ever so subtle. He didn't pick up on it at all. Why would he? She was 85. I got to see why so many women attacked HER when she was in her prime.

ElleVee on June 06, 2019:

I agree with MDivine; much of the so called advice in this article is not on point! I've always been the woman that other women have hated, my whole life. I know exactly why it is: I'm naturally slim, I have a very high IQ, and I possess a certain type of sex appeal. I'm not ashamed of myself nor will I dim my light for anyone. I'm polite, kind, and considerate so women have no real reason to hate me the way they do other than their own insecurity and inferiority. You don't like it, too bad. I too would rather have a small group of real friends and/or only be friends with men than to have a large group of fake, cackling female 'friends'. I don't dig the way females interact anyway, I virtually have nothing in common with them. In my experience women are into gossip, putting others down, being indirect, and being petty. I prefer straightforward interactions therefore I prefer to spend my time in the company of men.

MDivine on June 02, 2019:

This is terrible! I've WASTED so much time thinking something was wrong with me when it was jealousy of others. The result of your poll show just how petty women are. I do not care anymore! If you cannot handle how I look that is YOUR problem. And the work ethic comment, you have got to be kidding me!!!! I have three kids who see me work my ass off and I expect them to do the same. I also believe balance in life ia importance. I have no idea where you came up with the fact that because I run miles a day and watch over my health that I am somehow "priveledged". My light will continue to shine even if it means I don't have a big circle of fake friends. This article represents everything that is wrong with petty women who are more interested in taking shots at others because they are lacking somewhere themesleves. GET OVER IT! I have to thank the writer thogh because you have made me more determined than ever to be me AT ALL COSTS!!!! Carry on beautiful, smart women bec haters gonna hate.

stacey on May 20, 2019:

This article is poorly written and comes off like a circa 1980 article in Seventeen magazine. I will not alter anything about myself to make other women feel better.

Carolyn on May 07, 2019:

When reading, I didn't take these words to belittle attractive, intelligent women or that they should lower their self-esteem to make other's feel better about themselves. I read the author as saying these positive traits, whether physical or academic, emotional, or mental are a blessing and if you are truly confident and believe in who you are, then you shouldn't have a problem not flaunting it or looking down your nose at others. By writing this, I think the author wanted to make us aware of why some women act the way they do around you. Jealousy is ugly and cruel, even hateful. I often remind myself that small minds equals small hearts. How sad these women choose to be miserable, instead of finding good within themselves. Instead of flexing our muscles, let's just let it go, be kind, smile. There are plenty of other women to befriend.

Lexie on May 03, 2019:

Is this a joke? This article reads as if you yourself are jealous and trying to hold attract confident smart women down. You should be telling women to embrace all that they have to give, not dumb it down/make yourself more appealing to fit some insecure persons ideal. Shame on you. This reads as possibly showing more about your character and your insecurities than how to seem less threatening to other women.

As a young lady that has dealt with friends acting jealous and threatened from a young age I'll give you some advice if you ever rewrite this. Tell them to keep shining and let the insecure women keep wondering how you do it. Don't let them bring toy down to their level and find empowering women who will lift you up instead.

And a word of advise for that type of women who are too busy hating themself and everyone else....work on yourself more. You might like the person you can become instead of the sad person that you are now.

This is honestly brain cancer.

Alison on April 25, 2019:

This article is utter rubbish!!

Leila- well said!

Be You! Don't tone anything down! It's their problem not yours

Quit pandering and seeking approval of these insecure, bitter women. You won't win!!

All these qualities are something to be proud . Find decent, like minded women for your circle.

Valerie on April 16, 2019:

Thanks for advice. I moved to try to start over. I ID with this. I wonder if we need to start meetups or something for individuals that are aligned with themselves. I moved to an area, early semi-retired, to recenter,etc. I find that single women are not invited to mingle with couples. The threat that you might take their man, etc. I feel the bigger problem is society lives from a place of fear and not. I refuse to and will somehow find a group of empowered, intelligent beings to be around. Appx. 12,000 people took part in the poll. 78% chose the top category of strong agreement with encountering these issues. That is almost 10,000. 10K that sought out this topic in the last 8 months or so. I will take a bit of comfort in those numbers. I challenge us to find ways to stay positive and support one another. Namaste sisters.

Jen on March 25, 2019:

Being thin is not privilege. In most parts of the world, being a plus size is privilege because most people struggle to afford food.

In the west, portion control and staying physically active does not cost money but it does take self discipline.

Discipline is not dependent on gender, color of skin and amount of money in your bank account.

I work hard to stay thin by eating less and moving more outside.

The only privilege I have is being non disabled and healthy.

If you are a healthy mobile woman who is obese and hates on fit women, you are not a victim. You just have not committed to healthier diet and staying physically active.

Lucy on February 24, 2019:

I agree ONE THOUSAND PER CENT with Leila!! Kudos from Canada!

Leila on February 09, 2019:

So basically, what you are saying is something like : Just pretend you're someone else, so the people full of resentment, bitterness and jelausy can feel finally happy? And stick to the low standards of women who have no self esteem? What a bullshit!!! This is so fake! I've got a mirror and I know how I look, I am NOT sorry that I am NOTobease or on a diet, I articulate my opinion, even if my fellow female will feel ofended by it, because I am NOT sorry for myself. And maybe that's the time to say 'screw you' and stop looking for approval and find women who struggle same as you do with the acceptance of other women. They've been there before and time to get along together with them.

Nicole on January 27, 2019:

Being thin is a privilege???? Have you ever struggled to gain weight because you can’t control your metabolism and feel disgusting and ugly because you are a skeleton with no butt or boobs? Have you ever had to deal with all the rude and hurtful comments people then blatantly throw at you regarding your low body weight that you work so hard to try to gain even a pound for, but then having to feel like you aren’t allowed to have body issues because of people like you telling thin women they have to be “greatful” and “privileged” to be skinny, as if that automatically means you are healthy and happy? People you don’t even know telling you to eat a sandwich multiple times a day but if I suggest an overweight person to eat less (which I would never do because I respect everyone even if they don’t respect me for how I look) everyone would be in an uproar, and rightfully so! What authority do you think you have to tell me to feel privileged over something that I have little control over and that I cry about every night over? Did you think at all before writing that or are you just resentful and need thin women to bow down for you to make you feel better? Please be more responsible and stop perpetuating this ridiculous skinny shaming attitude because people like you allow some people to feel like they have a right to pick on me for the way I look and they don’t even know me or they would know that I love them regardless of their size and would help them if I saw them struggling alone because they are simply human beings.

No thanks on January 09, 2019:

Or how about ignoring it? You shouldn't have to make yourself small to make someone feel better about themselves. This is very toxic advice you're giving.

Mel on January 06, 2019:

Altering yourself to be accepted by bitter jealous people is a waste of time. Anyone who can’t be your friend if you shine your brightest is a turd not worth dealing with. Period. Women need to stop tearing each other down out of insecurity, fear, and jealousy. It’s obnoxious and an embarrassment to the gender.

Katie on December 20, 2018:

I like these articles but to be honest I have gossiped about people before, because I have been bullied on more than one occasion and am hoping someone will offer a solution or give me some insight. I don't think I am a nasty person and would not gossip about the person I had confided in. I do agree however there are other people who may stab someone in the back just to get what they want, then pretend to be someone else's friend gossiping then turn on the 2nd person next. Therefore when someone confides in you I think you need to be cautious but not paranoid. I love what Koda wrote below. I think people feel threatened by my strong work ethic. I get so much satisfaction out of doing a good job, and I have been sabotaged. I was thinking about just fitting in however after reading what Koda said, maybe it would not work and I agree women need to learn self acceptance rather than dragging others down because of spiteful jealousy.

jen on December 18, 2018:

What about the "skinny, pretty" girl is a standard beauty who hates on the curvy, exotic, smart beauty? Your article seems biased towards the non-standard beauty.

k on December 15, 2018:

I agree with the women here. I hate hearing you say to "dumb down" because other wormen are intimidated because you as smart, beautiful and confident. Be yourself and those who are STRONG enough, will find you...and be your true friends!

Stacey Wisniewski on November 18, 2018:

YEah I have my fair share of jealous women, usually big women, or unattractive women, or a big woman and a semi attractive woman that needs to feel good about herself by hanging out with a large woman that has a very low self-esteem and needs to be worshipped, shes use to being worshipped and hanging out with big women or not so attractive women so if she gets in her own company she feels threatened, Ive had all kind of them. Its a shame women cannot be friends with eachother they just cant, even the ones in groups ive been in have backstabbed, lied, gossiped, and hated the women they hung out with. Ive had some solid females that say whats on their mind and confidence enough to be friends but the jealous ones are immature, petty, catty, gossip, backstab, lie, stalk, harrass, all kinds of stuff, I have a situation now that thats all they are using to level my self esteem, all day everyday....it sucks but jealous women are really ugly. their self-esteem, pettiness, insecurity just all of it. I dont care about them yet they keep trying to make me care and they are of no importance with their behavior. So bad that some need criminal charges filed its that bad. Obsessed and everything! YUCK!

Mrs.Farrar on November 03, 2018:

You're trying to get approval from the wrong group. The only women who had these qualities and offended me were the ones who looked down on others. Especially the ones who have never paid for or earned anything in their lives (clothing, jewelry, education, cosmetic surgery, million-dollar homes -- just to name a few) and think it's their ''due'' because they're a ''prize'' and treat you like you're not as valuable because you don't care if you possess a LV handbag.

Amber on October 28, 2018:

This is so stupid lol as an overweight woman (who has been very fit but had babies and likes food lol) I’ve never been discriminated for how I look or my intellect being based on my size... it seems like the author of this article is a bit arrogant. Nobody cares if you’re the “smallest at the table” wtf! I have friends who are so beautiful inside and out and are treated like they deserve. I think dumbing yourself down or playing down your appearance/judging on body type is horrible advice.

and saying bigger women have it harder than thin ones? Wtf? Lol

jjulliee on October 10, 2018:

This is bad advice - telling people to change so they're accepted, or seen as less of a threat? Who says it's okay to mistreat someone because you're jealous of her? Wow.

Danny on September 28, 2018:

Had a hard time to continue reading after the disclaimer that women are socialized differently than other "genders". There are only two genders.

Chanel. on September 28, 2018:

This is the worse advice ever. If they are jealous then they are the problem because they have insecurities. Never dim your light ladies.

GroovyGirl49 on September 23, 2018:

This is satire right? Otherwise why give advice that pretty much tells us that we've gotta change to fit in with a bunch of petty, nasty insecure women. The opinions of people like that certainly don't keep me awake at night.

I never wasted my time on such shallow horrible people then and nor I will now and I am certainly not going to change whom I am so they can feel more secure about themselves.

If a person is that insecure that they feel the need to judge, gossip about, slander and bully others then the problem lies with them not the people they're hating on.

I don't judge a person on what they look like, I judge them on whether they are an asshole or not.

Katrina Thiesen on September 15, 2018:

I’m about to go on a trip with about 5 women, I googled being intimidated by women because they are all so fit and I just had a baby. You’re “advice” really made me feel lower. I was looking for something to empower my amazing ability to give birth. You focused on jealousy.

Jacqueline L Porter on September 14, 2018:

Im sorry your advice is all wrong.

You should be yourself at all times , they dont like it fuxk them.

Jennifer on September 09, 2018:

i totally applaud you for your intelligent article. Th8s has needed to be said and revaluated for a while now. I definitely related to the bullet on weight body type treatments. as a woman in my late 40's, i have been overweight and lost 65 lbs. Then still go up and dow with my.weight. My confidence doesnt go away im still the same person inside as i was before. We.all come in all shapes.and sizes and need to.respect each other.

louise wheeler on September 01, 2018:

I have never really experienced part of a female group unless it has been a sporting activity. I was brought up in a small town in the South West of England and always felt that i did not belong in this toxic little town. I personally feel that I would find it over bearing to be part of a clicky group, who portray themselves as happy friends with each other.

I don't agree with some of the advice in this article. Women should not have to make changes to be accepted. They will want your company regardless of your size, what you choose to wear

Teri White on August 30, 2018:

I don't consider myself beautiful, or particularly intelligent, but I dress well, have worked hard and am comfortably off. I find it very difficult to make friends of either gender. The men want to 'score' and the women want to punch me. I get the best treatment from gay women, for some reason, though I am not gay myself.

Niki on August 26, 2018:

This advice is surprising. Why on earth would a person be encouraged to dimish their light to fit it. The “wear baggy clothing” bit is baffling. Unless of course I missed where it states “this is a joke”.

Thank you for the opportunity to comment.

Kimba Maria Wiggins from Central Islip, NY on August 25, 2018:

I don't agree with this article at all, but it further reinforces my decision to limit the amount of female friends I have. All my life i never got along with women, just because I was pretty, smart and multi-talented. I never bragged and preferred to stay behind the scenes...but got subject to extreme jealousy and hate (almost got beat up by 2 women nearly 3 years ago on the bus because I was simply staring out the window). I'm not changing who I am to make others comfortable. Don't like me? There's the door. I prefer not to have ANY female friends offline but I currently have 2. That's it.

Violet on August 14, 2018:

I've never been interested in running with the pack. If they don't like me who cares. I'm the real deal not a fake ass. When I'm at work i'm There to make money not friends.

Sanjana on August 07, 2018:

This article is bullshit! I hope nobody follows these tips .

Lambservant on August 03, 2018:

Ladies, calm down, this article is tongue in cheek. Otherwise I'd have agreed with you.

Skinny girl who got made fun of at the gym today by a fat girl for running on August 03, 2018:

What is wrong with being confident and wearing things that make you feel and look good ? If you look good why should you have to hide it because someone else is insecure.

Miss Marie on August 02, 2018:

Okay so I’ll pass on this advice. I want to be around women who love and support others as they do themselves. This is advice on how to basically “shrink” yourself so “haters” won’t hate so much and instead be your fake friend. It’s a no from me.

Kat Bürger on July 31, 2018:

WOW...just, WOW. And not “WOW” in a good way. Thank you to the author of this “article” for setting feminism back. This was right out of a 1950’s “women! Know your place!” handbook.

How can you honestly write this and think you’re helping? Encouraging women to dress down and dumb down! NO! No! That’s not how that works. You don’t advise that women should lower their standards, you should advise that women raise themselves up!

Kelz on July 25, 2018:

This article suggests women are incapable of bonding over strentgh and you have to weaken and lessen your self to have a group of insecure friends who basically hate tge real you.

Chana on July 11, 2018:

#11

Bust size!

Vanessa on July 07, 2018:

I'm sorry, but this article lost me. A woman should never lower her standards to please a minority who are jealous. For example, saying that well dressed women should 'stick to the dress code', well I'm sorry if they have killer style. Many woman are happy to see other woman successful. Really don't agree with this article.

EB on July 06, 2018:

"She is less likely to invite you to the pool with her family because she doesn’t want her husband to see you in a swimsuit. Don’t want to gain weight to fit in? Then wear baggier clothing."

This is where the article (albeit, well written) totally lost me.

Many others in the comment section pointed out the glaring problem with this article.

As another post replied: "You should NEVER downplay who you are to make others comfortable. This is written from a jealous and insecure persons perspective clearly".

To any woman or young girl reading this article, please please remember this: don't EVER feel the need to dim your light so others feel brighter.

Be a boss-ass bitch who will never apologize for her success, her looks or anything else.

MW on July 04, 2018:

Kindness and humbleness doesn’t work. Best thing I have found is learning to be happy by myself or with the people who love me the way I am. My motto, don’t dim your light to make others happy. Be yourself and find your own niche.”

Angie on July 02, 2018:

Wow talk about an article you should only follow if you want to be a miserable people-pleaser. It's too easy to publish on the web...

Emma on June 22, 2018:

Women are like cats and men are like dogs.

Anne on June 17, 2018:

The ten signs of threatened women are actually agreeable. Love your article. But what about those women who are threatened but just felt sad about the reaction of people around them? Is there any Biblical perspective you can offer on how to counter haters?

anon on June 11, 2018:

Who wrote this? You should NEVER downplay who you are to make others comfortable. This is written from a jealous and insecure persons perspective clearly.

jc on June 07, 2018:

Lol, is this a serious article? No way am I going to try to dress in clothes that make the insecure feel better or try to look less attractive because they believe they are. I don't dress for them , but for myself. I know I'm a good person with a good heart. Maybe they should try and be less shallow and not judge a book by it's cover

Marielle on June 06, 2018:

Koda -- you and I are in the same club. Beautifully spoken, beautifully written. Inspiring. I focus on what God blessed me with, and avoid like the plague the non-supporters and downers. Shame on them for their meanness. I'm sad that their lives are so hollow and shallow that they have to focus on me -- instead of accentuating the positive in their own lives. I seek out like minded, strong and kind women as friends. Don't let the social vampires suck the life spirit out of you. Onward and upward.

Kathy on June 04, 2018:

To Koda; thank you, thank you, thank you for your marvelous post! God bless you!

Koda on June 03, 2018:

I have mixed feelings about this article. You nail it by listing all the reasons why insecure women tend to turn on those more confident, successful and attractive women. But then you proceed to encourage the latter to change their stripes in order to fit it. This advice is as best ridiculous, at worst, harmful. God created each and every person different. We were all blessed with different looks, gifts, talents, abilities, intellects, personalities, dispositions, etc. No two women are exactly the same by design and therefore it baffles me why instead of embracing their own unique set of attributes, some women choose to become fixated on what they don't have but another woman might have in abundance. They covet the other person's natural, God-given attributes until it makes them bitter, mean and petty. As someone who has unmeaningfully been the "threatening woman" pretty much all of my life I say enough is enough. I am not going to dull myself down in order to be palatable to women who are too blinded by their own insecurities to recognise their own self worth. I have done this many times and guess what? It doesn't make life rosier. I've still ended up gossiped about, backstabbed, abandoned, sabotaged and humiliated by the very people claiming to be my best friends; my inner circle. Those hateful and hurtful women need self-acceptance, they don't need to be justified in their appalling actions by you changing yourself to fit in. As a Christian, I will continue to be loving, humble, compassionate, self-controlled and self-aware. But I am not responsible for the feelings of anyone, least of all those who - instead of working on themselves - seek to undermine & destroy the self-esteem and confidence of good women who happen to be naturally gifted. This is sinful and needs to stop immediately. Sadly, it can be just as common in the church as it is the workplace. Wearing baggies clothes to make a self-conscious woman feel satisfied is not being loving, it's being a doormat. It's disowning who you are, who you were created to be. It's acting out of fear and shame. I once went through a painful personal transformation to allow the insecure women at my church feel better themselves. I stopped dressing stylishly because of their backhanded compliments about me being fashionable. I wore my hair back because my long, volumous waves were eye-catching and enviable to the women with straight, short locks. I changed career focus from media to ministry because I was made to feel spiritually inferior and shallow compared to my fellow church members who were "mission minded". I treated the opposite sex only as brothers to appease the aggressively husband-hunting women who found me a threat to their chances of finding a partner. I over-accentuated my problems and made myself extremely small and vulnerable so that women wouldn't find me too successful and strong. I even hid my ethnicity and natural passion when opposing concerns within the church because I was afraid of being labelled as the "angry black woman" in a white dominated space. To all you threatened women: take it to the altar and stop projecting your insecurities onto others. Know your worth. Stop competing when you are never going to be the same as someone else, no matter how hard you try. Discover what you do like about yourself and be confident in that. If you want to improve certain areas of your life you have the ability; don't make life miserable for others who have what you don't. Don't pressure confident women into hating or changing themselves just to make yourself feel good and to put yourself above them. Nothing is more unattractive than a thirsty, miserable, attention-seeking, gossiping, condescending, insecure woman. Be yourself and let others be whoever they are.

Dianne on May 27, 2018:

The only women I don't have issues with are my sister and my daughter. I have found women to be a major disappointment and I've reached the conclusion that 'the sisterhood' doesn't exist. I absolutely refuse to shrink so that others can feel taller. You have written an article advising women to live without authenticity. They have to deny their beauty, intelligence, creativity, accomplishments etc so that others can feel better about themselves. Your advice is misguided and if I were you, I would be questioning my motives. Wherever you go in life you will always encounter people who stand out from the crowd for a variety of reasons. They might be funny and entertaining. Or they might be stylish dressers. Another might be a stunning beauty. Then you'll get one who can speak 5 languages and play the violin. But for some inexplicable reason, your advice to women who might be fortunate to possess qualities like these is to downplay their talents. To become grey mice and fade into the background so that they will be accepted. Why am I suddenly thinking of Cinderella and the ugly step sisters?

RN on May 04, 2018:

Honestly these threatened women need to grow up, I don't enable immaturity and scapegoating and yes there aren't many females I can be around. The mainstream zombie crowd does have a lack of intelligence, courage, self awareness, beauty and independence. Not my problem or fault. :)

M ² on April 26, 2018:

The bully here has been my own boss. It's obvious to me that she is insecure, but that doesn't change the fact that her condescension, gaslighting, and high-schoolish behavior has become a huge stressor. She is 45 and has never been married nor had children. Not that there is anything wrong with that, in and of itself, but I think she lacks the empathy and life experience that women her age normally possess. I'm only 32 and feel more emotionally developed than her.

Brocksmom4ever on April 19, 2018:

I don’t think a woman who has worked on good qualities, her beauty, her intelligence for the sake of her husband should have to undermine the way she looks etc. I deal with this and I try to cater to these women and watch what I say and how I dress and be kind and they are still catty. Most of the time the more I try the worse they get. So don’t undermine yourself because someone else has marriage or self esteem problems. That is unhealthy and plain ridiculous. Now if you are arrogant, seductive, braggers etc. then you might want to re-evaluate........

Tiffany on April 12, 2018:

I’ve been dealing with female bullies at work for many years now...since I started working when I was 16. The passive aggressive behavior only became more sophisticated as I got older and entered the office world. I’m almost 30 years old and still single but happy. I don’t feel this article isn’t directed well in supporting women who are navigating the dealing with a bully in whatever aspect of their lives that may be.

To tone it down or play oneself as small for the sake of avoiding or placating others isn’t self loving. A woman who experiences jealousy and unsheathes her claws is nothing more than a woman who needs to process her personal feelings toward herself and learn to love herself more. They are not he women who need compassionate understanding but we are not responsible for fixing the issues of others or making them happy at our own expense. We can wish them happiness and want happiness for others—even make gestures that may express that but we can’t make someone be happy or love themselves in their intrinsic core.

Basically, these jealous bullies need to take responsibility for their feelings.

I’m sorry for any woman suffering from bullying especially when it affects her workplace which is where most, if not all, of us spend much of our time...40 plus hours a week for some.

Don’t play small, my dear ladies but be respectful, kind, and exert understanding with boundaries. We’re ALL beautiful and the best thing we can do is support each other and break down the walls of jealousy toward healthier female relations. I may be optimistic and hopeful but, in this world, we need to be if we want to see great change. I’m not perfect either but let’s open up dialogues if and when we can...where we can...do healing can take place between women.

JRED519 on March 26, 2018:

I don’t think you should downplay anything just because someone might be jealous of you. If you show cleavage, wear red lipstick and wear high heels just do it. I already have had to deal with this and i let it go because it was family. I’m 40 years old and I still look pretty descent and now I could care less what others hate about my appearance. Be yourself! It gets old having to tip toe around because of other people’s feelings. What about yourself? You should be able to speak freely and not have to dumb yourself down for anyone. I have a house a live on rent free, I drive a nice car and I can sometimes buy nice things here and there. Why would I have to hide those things ever? I could go on it I’ve read a few comments that I think have said exactly what I feel. Never will I ever change who I am because of others insecurities. I’ve done it for only one person. It’s gotten very old. Never again. You don’t have to restrict anything about yourself to spare feelings.

Anonymous on March 17, 2018:

I’m sorry but I have to disagree with several parts of this. We’re not living in the 50s. Regardless we should never try to be something anyone else can accept. Toning it down? Dressing to please someone else.. it’s ridiculous. I went to the Melbourne cup with a woman almost twice my age who I considered a very good friend. She told me my one shoulder, yes short black dress was trashy. Oh there was a slit cut in the midriff as well. She multiple times told me to try to impersonate Audrey Hepburn’s style. Meanwhile her dress was shorter and she never wore panties. She would often gossip to me if all the men she’d slept with. Let’s just say even at my age she had me beat, by a lot. I never judged her or told her what to wear or how to behave. She recently came into my home and threatened to “slap the shit out of me” then proceeded to calling me white trash and psycho. I just sat there calm, very upset but I kept myself together. I’ve seen her hit her husband countless times and she once purposely shot me with a champagne cork in the face. I’ve picked her up for dinner then paid for the dinner she didn’t eat, I think it had something to do with all the white powder she had under her nose in broad daylight. Her has formed an army of these women in town to hate me and I have no idea why. Bc im skinnier and younger? So what? I know girls skinnier and younger than I am and I don’t behave this way. I’m not going to cater to these women’s needs so they can feel better about themselves. They’re monsters. I know that feeling of making a comment like “how am I supposed to think about food?” And everyone else cringing. It sucks. I’ve never gone out of my way to be hurtful to anyone and it’s clear you weren’t by saying that. The issue was them. Not you. I just don’t think you should try to please other women. I always put thought into my wardrobe and how appropriate it is. Not for the approval of other women though. That’s silly. Actually since this thing I’ve been dealing with has begun it’s only made me want to piss them off more, I can give them lots to talk about when I walk in wearing 6 inch stilettos. They deserve it at this point. I applaud the women I get jealous of. The women I think are better, I admire them. I’m not a caddy shit talking bitch. It sucks women can be so cruel to one another. I was bullied horrendously growing up for not looking pretty enough and now I get threatened with violence for becoming a somewhat attractive woman.

Fee fee on March 12, 2018:

I have always been treated like this. The back stabbing oh well sometimes that’s what sets you apart in the first place being brave enough to stand alone! These are very valid reasons and to be honest anyone who is that mean and acts with a pack mentality doesn’t deserve your friendship.

Liza D'Ercole on March 12, 2018:

I’m sorry I have run into these issues with women for years. I feel bad they have insecurities but your grandmother is right if you got it flaunt it (in good taste). I won’t down play myself nor would I encourage it. I’ll be who I am with good vibes. I appreciate women who look better than me. Shouldn’t we always aspire to be better?

Mariz Manalo on March 08, 2018:

I have all 10. Hate me then.

Audrey on March 07, 2018:

What a catty and petty thing to do to tell someone to be less of who they are when others have the problem! Maybe go back and rewrite how to tell the jealous ones to get over their insecurities and gain self confidence and chose or leave a man who doesn't respect them and not take their jealousies out on other women. Pathetic article!

Randi on March 05, 2018:

I understand this post but I also don’t care too much for it. From what I’ve read you sound like you want women to downplay themselves in order to make another woman less intimidated & to feel better about herself. I refuse to downplay my greatest assets to please another woman or man. Good article but I don’t completely agree

me on February 26, 2018:

I feel relieved after I read all those comments. I have been questioning to myself why most of the mothers from my daughter's school avoiding me. Above reasons help me to substantiate my thoughts. But as many women have already mentioned that I cannot dim myself to make them happy. I am happy if they see me as threat or insecurity and improve themselves.

Demeter on February 16, 2018:

This article is satire, right? I am NEVER going to dim my uniqueness for man nor woman.

B on February 06, 2018:

This is discouraging because I already compensate in the ways suggested, and I still get left out. Except for one person, I'm the casual friend who gets invited to all of the standard group things but to none of the smaller gatherings. Oh well. Appreciate the truthfulness, even if it is depressing. At least I feel less confused.

Rea on February 03, 2018:

Very bad advise if you ask me. Insecurity in other women should in no way be celebrated. Dimming your light because someone else feels threatened is the wrong way to go. Women keep shining your light, and any a** hole that can't handle that should take a seat wayyyy at the back.

kria on February 03, 2018:

The other answer is to be yourself as you can't win either way so you might as well just be you!

SoKate on January 28, 2018:

You must ask yourself why another woman's opinion of you is an issue at all. I read this article and thought OMG! I've mastered all 10. I am a bully survivor. Older, fatter, poorer, less educated females made a complete doormat out of me in my 20's. After that trauma and a romantic breakup I figured it out. This is MY life and it MUST go the way I want it to. Without exaggeration, I have only to walk into a room of females and the hate can be cut with a knife. In today's world, however, all ten attributes act as a force field. Let me give you one. My sister-in-law is a competitive loser. Unlucky in love. Cannot keep a man. Has NO woman skills. Cannot find her way around a kitchen. Men stay with her for about 6-8 months. She is into casual sex. Her mother (my mother-in-law) calls me daughter and routinely calls me for recipes. We have the family over for cook outs on the usual holidays. The last time the gang came over (it's always understood that I will cook) my sister-in-law saw me pull out a tray of marinated rib-eyes. She said, "You know, you should only put salt and pepper on a steak. I said, "And what television show did you get that from because you can't cook?" One more. My sister-in-law always asks me what outfits or shoes have I recently purchased. I showed her my new Coach bag and Hermes scarf. The girl actually made it a point to come back for a visit and put her (cross-body messenger, badly worn) Coach bag on my bar stool. I thought, "You gotta be kidding me."Here's another. I went from 178 lbs. to 125 lbs. in time for Thanksgiving which was held at HER family friend's house. (They love my husband). I look up and I hear someone calling my name clear across the room. It was my sister-in-law. All the way up in my face! I'm like, she knows she hates me so why pretend. She had never seem me at this weight and in a smoking body-con sheath at that. Why try to come off like we'er tight buds in this setting? She followed me from room to room. When I sat down she grabbed my hand to examine my nails. This chick is in her 40's. I am over 60. Months later, we went to a birthday celebration for her brother (my husband). She came up to me and pulled her waistband to show how much weight she lost. Her face and everywhere else was still as chubby as ever. She didn't lose a pound. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "Look, I lost weight." A 40 year old now. I said, "Keep working on it. You'll get there." Now all my push back started when I first met her. I have naturally large eyes. This female said, "You look like a fish". Her first remark right off. I looked at my husband (her brother). He looked down because he was not about to check his beloved sister. I let it go for that event but I knew it was on from there. A real sicko. How sick, you ask? After meeting a man for the first time, a week later she paid her own way, round trip, to sleep with this guy in a trashed out apartment for a weekend (yes, she told me the whole deal). Her brother couldn't sway to me for a year. And then he knew he had to come full-tilt ready for a true romance. You must respect me because I respect me. The respect he showed me ticked her off in a huge way. The diamond he put on my finger stopped her pulse.

Now for the females at work. I came in with a blank slate. Everybody's equal. One woman introduced herself by reaching out to hug me. Really? I don't know you. The first one that reaches out in "friendship" is the one that will slay your good name first. "I don't hug, I told her." She said, "Well excuse me!" I said, "You're excused and let's keep it professional." Reggie, the guy in the office came in and said, " A lot of the girls have a problem with you." I replied, "First of all you're a bitchy gossip. Secondly, those "girls" that have a problem with me would have had a problem with me anyway so I am just expediting the process. Now go run tell that!" True story, 90 days later, I was everybody's manager. The big boss saw me as detached from the entry-levelers, highly polished, professional and talented. This would not have happened had I been observed hanging out with the crew. Screw the bottom feeders. They need therapy and everything else. I give a rats behind what some broad thinks about me. Especially some sloppy, single, broke, miserable loser that blames me for her plight. She is sick with no excuse and there is no way out for her. Somebody already died on the cross for me. I do not have to waste one irretrievable second with B.S. Let them look, stare, whisper, gossip. They are sick about my presence. They are hopeless. Befriend them if you will but I guarantee you, birds of a feather flock together. Hang out with three, bastard breeding bottom feeders and you with be the forth. My circle is very small but genuine. My lady friends are true friends indeed. We believe that loveliness is a woman's duty, intelligence is a birthright and wealth is the goal for a well-to-do lifestyle. You cannot get along with everyone. Common courtesy, mutual respect and three feet of personal space. That's all it takes. If a person cannot hurt your physically, they should not be able to run a mental game on you at all. Thank you bullies. You taught me well.

SoKate on January 28, 2018:

You must ask yourself why another woman's opinion of you is an issue at all. I read this article and thought OMG! I've mastered all 10. I am a bully survivor. Older, fatter, poorer, less educated females made a complete doormat out of me in my 20's. After that trauma and a romantic breakup I figured it out. This is MY life and it MUST go the way I want it to. Without exaggeration, I have only to walk into a room of females and the hate can be cut with a knife. In today's world, however, all ten attributes act as a force field. Let me give you one. My sister-in-law is a competitive loser. Unlucky in love. Cannot keep a man. Has NO woman skills. Cannot find her way around a kitchen. Men stay with her for about 6-8 months. She is into casual sex. Her mother (my mother-in-law) calls me daughter and routinely calls me for recipes. We have the family over for cook outs on the usual holidays. The last time the gang came over (it's always understood that I will cook) my sister-in-law saw me pull out a tray of marinated rib-eyes. She said, "You know, you should only put salt and pepper on a steak. I said, "And what television show did you get that from because you can't cook?" One more. My sister-in-law always asks me what outfits or shoes have I recently purchased. I showed her my new Coach bag and Hermes scarf. The girl actually made it a point to come back for a visit and put her (cross-body messenger, badly worn) Coach bag on my bar stool. I thought, "You gotta be kidding me."Here's another. I went from 178 lbs. to 125 lbs. in time for Thanksgiving which was held at HER family friend's house. (They love my husband). I look up and I hear someone calling my name clear across the room. It was my sister-in-law. All the way up in my face! I'm like, she knows she hates me so why pretend. She had never seem me at this weight and in a smoking body-con sheath at that. Why try to come off like we'er tight buds in this setting? She followed me from room to room. When I sat down she grabbed my hand to examine my nails. This chick is in her 40's. I am over 60. Months later, we went to a birthday celebration for her brother (my husband). She came up to me and pulled her waistband to show how much weight she lost. Her face and everywhere else was still as chubby as ever. She didn't lose a pound. I said, "What are you doing?" She said, "Look, I lost weight." A 40 year old now. I said, "Keep working on it. You'll get there." Now all my push back started when I first met her. I have naturally large eyes. This female said, "You look like a fish". Her first remark right off. I looked at my husband (her brother). He looked down because he was not about to check his beloved sister. I let it go for that event but I knew it was on from there. A real sicko. How sick, you ask? After meeting a man for the first time, a week later she paid her own way, round trip, to sleep with this guy in a trashed out apartment for a weekend (yes, she told me the whole deal). Her brother couldn't sway to me for a year. And then he knew he had to come full-tilt ready for a true romance. You must respect me because I respect me. The respect he showed me pissed her off in a huge way. The diamond he put on my finger stopped her pulse.

Now for the females at work. I came in with a blank slate. Everybody's equal. One woman introduced herself by reaching out to hug me. Really? I don't know you. The first one that reaches out in "friendship" is the one that will slay your good name first. "I don't hug, I told her." She said, "Well excuse me!" I said, "You're excused and let's keep it professional." Reggie, the guy in the office came in and said, " A lot of the girls have a problem with you." I replied, "First of all you're a bitchy gossip. Secondly, those "girls" that have a problem with me would have had a problem with me anyway so I am just expediting the process. Now go run tell that!" True story, 90 days later, I was everybody's manager. The big boss saw me as detached from the entry-levelers, highly polished, professional and talented. This would not have happened had I been observed hanging out with the crew. Screw the bottom feeders. They need therapy and everything else. I give a rats behind what some broad thinks about me. Especially some sloppy, single, broke, miserable loser that blames me for her plight. She is sick with no excuse and there is no way out for her. Somebody already died on the cross for me. I do not have to waste one irretrievable second with B.S. Let them look, stare, whisper, gossip. They are sick about my presence. They are hopeless. Befriend them if you will but I guarantee you, birds of a feather flock together. Hang out with three, bastard breeding bottom feeders and you with be the forth. My circle is very small but genuine. My lady friends are true friends indeed. We believe that loveliness is a woman's duty, intelligence is a birthright and wealth is the goal for a well-to-do lifestyle. You cannot get along with everyone. Common courtesy, mutual respect and three feet of personal space. That's all it takes. If a person cannot hurt your physically, they should not be able to run a mental game on you at all. Thank you bullies. You taught me well.

I wish I had a friend on January 23, 2018:

Hello and thank you for this article, I wish you could do a f/u article on how to make friends with women. All my life I have struggled to make friends with other women, I really never get a chance to make friendships because of a person perception of me (I'm more than just a pretty face). I'm humble and kind and would never do anyone wrong to anybody else, I just don't know what I'm doing to keep potential friends away.

Nonoe on January 15, 2018:

Thank you so much for an eye opening article, all my life iv bn hated on n struggled to make n keep female friends. but i recently changed the way i approach women and am glad to say im seeing great improvements. Focusing more on the other women has allowed me to discover new joys to friendships. i just dont feel like have lessened myself but rather that i have become a better person for it. I know some may say we don't have to lessen our value to be liked, well I say to them try being humble and considerate to others for a change. Every event does not have to turn into a competition on who can out talk, out dress and out class each other. Ask yourself the question would you want to be your own friend? I bet most of us wont. Be the kind of friend you desire yourself.

MIM on January 14, 2018:

Obviously, you’re writing from the point of view of that type of girl who immediately “hates” a woman only by her looks, and is not brave enough to work on her own insecurities. Rather, she prefers to blame someone else for being the mirror of what she lacks but who doesn’t have the courage to take responsibility of her own flaws and insecurities.

Your article is a reflection of Patriarchy trying to put strong woman down, so you can feel good about yourself, at the expense of a woman who is only being herself with all that it implies, yet you choose to feel ENTITLED to hate.

You had such a promising title, and obviously you are clever enough to see what’s wrong about that hate, but it was more important to vent your own frustrations against women who are only trying to be their best, rather than objectively help people understand that other women are not to blame for one’s insecurities.

Charlotte on January 10, 2018:

Do not lessen yourself to appease jealousy, which after all, STEMS FROM PATRIARCHY. Why would you encourage jealous women in their petty delusions? Making oneself smaller will not make them less self-hating. It is better to be alone than to lie to yourself about your own abilities and greatness.

Yes. Greatness.

Maria on January 01, 2018:

I really do not agree with the advice in this article. Why should anyone change who they are just because others are insecure. It is up to those who are insecure to recognise this and do something about it. We are each responsible for ourselves. For example, if someone is unhappy with their weight as mentioned in the article, then it is up to them to do something to help themselves instead of lashing out at someone who is thinner.

Just be your true authentic self. If others have issues and insecurities, you are not to blame for this.

n on December 14, 2017:

No, whatever thing you are doing well, you keep doing it, and dont give a rip what anyone else thinks!

leanne123456789 on December 13, 2017:

This is horrendous. Whatever woman wrote this is going to lose us the right to vote. If you do something well, you'd better cut it out or else society won't know what to do. You're a woman. Go back to making everyone feel good so you don't have to.

ZER on December 04, 2017:

This article is so true. it touches my heart and if I was not at work i would cry a loud until i could find a drop of tear and ability to scream.

it touches me so much, that i was looking for help " why woman are mad and mean at me" I didnt know answer for so long. I felt helpless in this matter.

right now, I have received email from privet investigator at our Hub saying I was hire last friday for the incident between you and clique ( I will call her Zee for privacy).

to reflect back our early life so you can couch where we are now. Zee and I know each other almost ten years. we used to chitchat at community gatherings like Mosques but we never been close friends. we have never pass by each other we out saying hi. now I started work at the Hub she was working there before me. then she started to stop initiating or answering greetings. or she will take it with pale tired face that doesnt show any interest.

Then suddenly she started frowning and ignoring me when I am talking to her.

when I stopped talking at her too. she would run away when I am community gathering and who ever with me she wont take greeting from them. like my aunt. my aunt asked me if I have a conflict with her but told her no as much as i know she just ignores me too

I assumed if the woman at work who all the times tries to create conflict between me and other cliques tried this time with her. I decided to talk to her and apologize to her if I did something unintentional or she got fornication news from that co worker. I accidentally met with her while she was on her way go out. I said dear sister, I have never tried to hurt your feelings. I have nothing against to you. before I finished my talk she screamed I am gonna call police she was kindy swearing on me. she left and complain and created big scene. she said that I harassed her, I pushed her. I threaten her. every lie she could say. god knows what she told them but that is some of the report I was told. since then, there is a meeting and emails about that incident. her plan was the manager to fire me but that is not something happening they know I wont hurt a ratt. I did not do anything to hurt her other than I am taller, or maybe beautiful, or maybe charmer or maybe open to people say hi to them. who knows

Friends are easily like to hurt me but I cant.

Holly on November 28, 2017:

I liked this article. I realize why my sisters ( 10 years older than I) gave me such a hard time and one very mean to me . I think this is a helping article not a critical one. I really had no clue as to why certain woman act / behave the way they do. I didn’t get it. I do now and I am 52 . I look a lot younger than my age . I do want more female friends , ones that are secure seem to be older mostly. So when I choose to join a club with women in it I will take into account these insecurities instead of being so hard on myself and thinking Iam an alien . Thank you .

Adorbs on November 19, 2017:

Wow, I have all these qualities you mentioned and now I see why I have never been able to have any female friends. At a point I tried toning down my qualities and my charm to make them like me yes they did but was I happy?, no. So I ended up discarding them funny enough they hype and praise themselves their achievement and successes around me but I dare not do the same , for they pretend to be deaf till I keep quiet. One even said it yo my face that I make them look useless in the eye of the boss simply because am a workaholic a go getter and I always perfect my work to the T. Superiors love me but my friends, co-worker and coursemate complains that their work is always compared to mine and that automatically put them at a disadvantage. Please what am I to do ? Reduce my effort and become a mediocre? Never. I chose the high road and am happier for it. I would advise ladies with such qualities to move around with like minded people not people who only likes you when they dull your shine.

Dot on November 14, 2017:

This is poor advice. Dimming your light so you can make others feel better about their insecurities? Sorry, no. The problem is with those that are insecure. They should focus on their own situations and level of confidence, not hate on those who have done well for no good reason. There is enough goodness and plenty of amazing qualities to go around!

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