MsDora, Certified Christian Counselor writes on moral integrity especially for women and encourages appreciation for the men in their lives.
Jill Shavis, the author of Simply Irresistible, complains, "Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and those that aren't are inaccessible."
But Jill, in a parking lot, it takes strategy and patience to discover a good spot. It might also take strategy and patience to find a good Christian man.
Although each woman has specifics about what makes a man good for her, most of them will include the following characteristics on their list of qualifications.
The things that have always been important: to be a good man, to try to live my life the way God would have me, to turn it over to Him that His will might be worked in my life.
— Johnny Cash
1) Respect for God
There's something appealing about an intelligent, mature, financially independent man who declares his respect for God and credits Him for his successes. It feels comfortable trusting a man who
- considers himself accountable to an Omnipotent Being;
- who considers his talents as gifts from God to bless others;
- allows the godly principles he has learned to influence his relationships.
A real man, the kind of man a woman wants to give her life to, is one who will respect her dignity, who will honor her like the valuable treasure she is.
— Leslie Ludy
2) Respect for Women
Respect for one woman is respect for every woman.
- A good man promotes the dignity of past and present female friends.
- He protects their confidentiality.
- He credits his mother and grandmother (or other motherly figures) with significant contributions to his manhood.
- He recognizes and honors the women in his life.
- He extends courtesies and speaks kindly to them; he encourages other men to do the same.
It makes a woman happy to be associated with him.
The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.
— William Hazlitt
3) Great Conversation
He discusses the other person's interests and shares his own. He continually finds opportunities to express affirmation and love. He asks questions and makes observations that feed a sense of purpose. No put-downs, no intimidation, no judgments. Talking with him boosts the spirit, energizes the mind, and leaves one feeling grateful for his friendship.
One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man.
— Fyodor Dostoevsky
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4) Clean Humor
He initiates the laughter on many occasions and he also provokes the other person's sense of humor. The honesty on his face, free from sneaky and snobbish glances lets you know, even from a distance, that his laughter is not based on anything ridiculous or vulgar. He laughs at his own mistakes and lets those in this company know that they can do the same.
- How to be a Good Man | eHow
Good men are guided by their inner code. To a truly good man, the only test of his manhood is himself.
The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.
— Ayn Rand
5) Positive Self-Image
“You are the only you God made... God made you and broke the mold,” writes Max Lucado in You are Special, a self-esteem builder for children and adults. A real man knows that Max is writing about him. He is:
- confident, but not conceited
- self-assured but not stuck-up.
A man who acknowledges his own value is more likely to acknowledge the value in someone else. He gives what he has.
Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners.
— Laurence Stern
The church folk, his employees, his clients and his community in general express respect and admiration for him. Obviously, his self-respect attracts their respect for him. They regard him as an authority figure and a friendly counselor in basic life management skills and they trust his judgment. He extracts smiles from most people. A woman feels honored to be seen in his company.
I was raised in the greatest of homes... just a really great dad, … always provided for the kids, and just a lot of fun.
— Max Lucado
7) Fun Parent-Child Rapport
The quality of parenting is measured by the quality of the relationship between parent and child. The good man scores big in this area. He enjoys the respect of his children and grandchildren. They look after his interest and they crave his counsel. They anticipate family dinners that feature his presence, if not his cooking. They share fun and laughter. If his children are happy with him, he must be good company.
I think a gentleman is someone who holds the comfort of other people above their own. The instinct to do that is inside every good man, I believe.
— Anna Kendrick
8) Concern for Others
He’s concerned not only about his friend but also about the other people in his friend's life. He inquires about their relatives, their health status, their progress in whatever projects they are involved in. He also has friends among the elderly who have come to rely on him for various types of assistance. They continually express gratitude for his acts of kindness. He’s good for lots of things—and lots of people!
A real man can make a woman fall in love without touching anything but the heart.
He expresses intimacy without being physical. The hand-written notes, the surprise telephone calls on some days, the taped music with personal messages interspersed, the night-time serenades aimed at relieving daytime stress—changing the recipient's mood from frustration and fear to respite and romance. He makes one feel loved, valued and wanted.
Where words leave off, music begins.
— Heinrich Heine
10) Passion for Music
A good man knows that he cannot say it all. He also knows the power of music to convey his feelings. Sometimes he calls and says, "Just listen." The lyrics may be sung by him or by someone else. It may be an instrumental played by him or by some other.
His love of music is not only to enhance his relationship. He is aware that music contributes to his mental and emotional health. He devotes time to listening and playing alone; and his music collection spans several decades and includes all genres. Sometimes he plays and sings passionately like nobody’s listening. It has nothing to do with the quality of his voice; it has everything to do with the fervor in his heart.
“After silence” according to Aldous Huxley, “that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” If that is true, then a great part of understanding a good man is understanding his music.
© 2012 Dora Weithers