Rights and Responsibilities in Our Personal Space
Personal space provides more than comfort and privacy; it also provides a silent stage on which to display the essence of who we are.
Think of it as the bedroom which everyone in the house recognizes as ours. It is our right to keep our door locked or unlocked, according to our need for privacy. It is also our responsibility to create in that space our best display of what we consider a wholesome environment, whether the doors are closed or open.
In 1966, anthropologist Edward T. Hall introduced the concept that similar to the way animals mark their territory using urine and physical posturing, humans use personal space and concrete objects. The theory is known as proxemics1, a form of non-verbal communication through our perception and use of space. It concludes that in our space, we keep four types of distances (intimate, personal, social and public) according to the type of relationship.
Personal Space Expectations Diagram
So how do we establish sanctions in our space? How do we use distance to make our relationships safe and comfortable? What are our responsibilities toward the individuals we allow in? Here are 5 essential characteristics which hold the answers to such questions and produce positive outcomes in our interaction with individuals from all four distances.
(1) Creativity
We have the right to create boundaries for the protection of our personal territory. Boundaries also “protect our sense of personal identity and help guard against being overwhelmed by the demands of others."2
We can implement our own ideas, or we can learn from others. For example, when we need physical space for a time out, we create a “Do Not Disturb” plaque. We create secret compartments in our houses for special items we do not want family and friends to touch. At our office cubicle we create rules defining what is and is not acceptable. In public places we create diversion from the smiling bystander by directing our gaze toward the billboard.
It is our responsibility to create our blueprint for interaction with others. It helps us decide who fits where inside our space.
Types of Territory in Proxemics*
Body Territory
| Primary Territory
| Secondary Territory
| Public Territory
|
|---|---|---|---|
Invisible bubble we maintain around us
| Living space: example, home or car
| Structure with reserved entry like school or workplace
| Open space like park or shopping mall
|
(2) Control
Bear in mind that we control the space, not the people inside the space. It is not our responsibility to force adults to change inappropriate behavior; it is our right to enforce physical or emotional distance, if we choose. We do not demand that people enter our space at specific distances against their will; control undermines trust.
We control our space not by manipulating people, but by maintaining the principles which we choose to govern our space.
(3) Civility
The Personal Space Expectations Diagram above establishes that the physical space between us and our core family is less than with other individuals. It increases as we move away from intimacy and is greatest with strangers. There are additional common sense rules3 like the following which boost both civility and comfort in our everyday interactions.
- Knock before entering a room or office.
- Avoid touching people we don’t know.
- Refuse to search through the personal belongings of other individuals.
- Observe other people’s body language (example, leaning away from us) which may suggest that we are too close and making them uncomfortable.
- Unless the meeting place is crowded, leave a seating space beside the next person.
- Acknowledge personal space on the road; avoid tailgating.
(4) Cooperation
Although we cannot compel the people in our space to cooperate, we can encourage them by using the following methods, among others:
- Communication will help us understand what causes them to perform contrary to our expectations. We might discover cultural differences as mentioned in the table below.
- Concern for the well-being of individuals who do not cooperate will reinforce their sense of worth and may awaken their sense of responsibility. They may interpret concern as support and be motivated to offer their support in turn.
- Incentives in tangible forms are most appropriate for those at social and public distances like coworkers or community teams, and we can find family-friendly ways to reward those closer to us (for example, hugs and assurances).
It is our responsibility to help bring out the best in others. We can cooperate with those who do not shine in our space by allowing them to find the appropriate distance at which they will.
Culture in Proxemics*
Types of Culture
| Rule on Touch
| Sample Territories
|
|---|---|---|
Contact Culture
| Physical touching permitted and even considered necessary
| Latin American, Arab, Italian, French, Turkish
|
Non-contact Culture
| Touching reserved for intimate acquaintances
| North American, Norwegian, Japanese, most Southeast Asian
|
(5) Cleanliness
In a physical space, it is our responsibility to keep out dirt, debris and other environmental hazards.
In a space without walls, it is our responsibility to disconnect from unscrupulous behavior including but not limited to: lying tongues, filthy language, illicit sex, drug abuse, domestic abuse, fraud and the like.
We have the right to set the standards of cleanliness in our space and to practice zero tolerance toward offenders. We also have the right and responsibility to model the cleanliness we want in our space.
Remember:
In our space, we practice our rights and responsibilities primarily for our comfort and safety. Other individuals want the same things we want. They deserve the kind of respect we expect from them.
References
1Communication Studies, Proxemics, Copyright 2015 by Communication Studies
2Kolb, Karen: Basic Life Skills Made Easy, Personal Boundaries, Copyright 2008-2015
3Mayne, Debbie: About, Etiquette Rules of Defining Personal Space, Copyright 2015 by About
*The source for Proxemics Territory and Culture is Proxemics already referenced above.
Questions & Answers
© 2015 Dora Weithers
Comments
AUTHORAkriti, thanks for reading my posts. This is special to me too.
Read a few of your posts. Loved them. This one is my favourite. Voted up :)
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Janelle, I appreciate your kind comment. Happy to share!
Excellent Hub and one that is really vital in our lives. You brought out some good points to ponder on regarding personal space in different areas. Thanks for sharing this great information.
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Alicia, I appreciate your comment. Life offers so much for us to think about, some things will get neglected; so glad when our writing helps. Thanks!
This is a very interesting and thought provoking article. Although I'm aware of people's need for personal space and respect their wishes and requirements, I haven't thought much about the topic before. Thanks for sharing the information.
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Faith, thanks for your comment. It reminds of the story of an old woman who hugged everyone. Like you, she could tell when her hug was not appreciated, and she would say to the person who hugged reluctantly, "That's okay, honey; that was really for me." And she kept on hugging.
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Shanmarie, I appreciate your visit and your feedback. Thanks!
Important hub, MsDora. You have done a lot of research here in examining the varying stages of personal space. I know I need my personal space, but I am a hugger and do tend to pat people on the back, without realizing maybe I may be invading their personal space. I tend to be a friendly person but I am pretty good at reading people who are standoffish and so I do ... : )
We should respect everyone's personal space and I like your chart there too.
Up ++++ tweeting and pinning
God bless
Interesting and insightful. Much food for thought. Thanks.
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James, thanks for sharing this observation along with your appreciation for dogs. You're encouraging -- and funny!
Ms Dora, You have provided good info on an under appreciated aspect of pyschology. Also, this hub kind of explains why I like dogs so much. Its the space issue. We're both territorial. We like our space. I notice a dog will bark at you when you're three houses away from his/her house. Also, I don't mind if a dog's barking wakes me up. I'm glad they're on their job.
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Denise, your comment is an important contribution to the topic. I know that you speak from experience about those having disabilities. Thanks for your input.
This is definitely an important principle to remember. As parents, we would do well to teach our children about personal space, how to respect it of others and take care of our own. With those having disabilities, explicit instruction is necessary, as they do not readily understand the principle, and tend to frequently violate the personal space of others.
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Suzette, thanks for sharing that example. Some of these people are not even aware of their offenses unless we tell them.
Interesting article and I enjoyed reading this. I hate it when I'm in the checkout line at the grocery store and some person is standing over me, in my personal space, because he/she can't wait a moment until I'm through the line. This certainly is a relevant article.
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Thanks Venkatachari. You are so kind. Thanks for your very positive feedback.
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Chitrangada, I can see that healthy relationships are important to you. Thanks for your kind comment and your support.
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Mona, I think that these principles can help us manage both physical and psychological space. Thanks for your kind feedback.
- AUTHOR
Audrey, yes, it is easy to forget. Thanks for affirming our need to be reminded.
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Thanks, Romeos. I appreciate your encouraging comment and your support.
Very useful and important topic discussed by you. You have done it so well with clear perception. It is very important for anybody to keep these personal and public spaces in a very comfortable way without annoying others.
Voted up, useful and awesome.
Excellent article and very important one too!
How do we use distance to make our relationships safe and comfortable---This is so important. Giving others space, at the same time enjoying our own space can lead to a very healthy and lasting relationship, I believe.
No one likes encroachments and we should try to maintain balance.
You made some very important and necessary points in this hub.
Thanks and voted up!
I've always thought of space in a subconscious sense, but this spells out everything we think and feel about space and more. Wonderful article, Ms. Dora.
I found this to be a very interesting hub--I think we forget how important personal space really is and people seem to need varying amounts of it depending on the circumstances i think
A thought-inducing theory of Hall's ' Proxemics ' you've diligently researched MsDora and your five ' C's ' and their enclosed bullet points were very informative.
I suppose that just as we leave various sized gaps between letters, words and paragraphs to communicate and relay our messages from one to another in order to come across as intelligible as possible with minimum or zero misunderstanding, why not indeed in the same way as your ' Personal Space Expectations Diagram ' illustrates, with its clarity of simplicity in parallel to the example?
You are so good at researching social sciences and look forward to reading more of your articles today.
Thumbs up, happy to pin you and share your erudite work with friends.
Thank you and wishing you and your family a relaxing evening too.
R.Q.
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Manatita, I appreciate your keen insight on this topic. Of course, the soul as well as the body needs it space. Thanks for underscoring that.
- AUTHOR
Homeplace Bill, happy that I wrote on something important to you. Thanks for your kind feedback.
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Bill, it is a pleasure to read your kind comment. Thank you.
Excellent and important article on the importance of boundaries. Explained very well. There is yet another area which goes beyond the personal. Perhaps your purple man should cover this.
People can be alone even among intimate relations. The fear and insecurity of the Soul is not always related to others, and we sometimes need our psychic space. I believe you know this. Much Love.
I am a believer in proxemics... my personal space is very important to me. Thanks for a great article on it, MsDora!! ;-)
I love behavioral articles like this one. Fascinates me...human are so interesting. Thanks for a wonderful article, Dora!
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Frank, thanks for your observation and kind comment. You're encouraging as usual.
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Word, so glad it made sense. Thanks for your kind comment.
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Flourish, thanks for helping to explain the importance of personal space. You saw it firsthand.
I like the approach you took here Msdora.. instead of considering Entering somebody's personal space as a normal indication of familiarity and sometimes intimacy, you give us the balance side or view.. useful hub as usual my friend :)
Hi MsDora, this was superb. I enjoyed the reading very much. It all made sense about the rights and responsibilities. Thank you for sharing!
When I was doing HR investigations this so often came into play. Some people who were "close talkers" or from different cultures often were misunderstood as harassers while others used space as a bullying and harassment technique.
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Jan, thanks for your kind comment. I liked learning these details myself. I guess sometimes we just feel uncomfortable without realizing why. Understanding proxemics may help us understand the discomfort, and better yet, help us prevent it.
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Eric, I am in agreement with views you express. Thanks for sharing them in your feedback.
This is so very interesting, MsDora. I've never heard of the law or theory of proxemics, at least not in this detail. This is fascinating information. It seems that although we must engage in these behaviors everyday, it probably goes unspoken. Until, of course, one's space is invaded. Then it's on, right? LOL! Thanks for educating us, voted up and interesting.
This was just marvelous. It is such a delicate balance. I think that being aware of ours and our neighbors space is critical to happy coexistence. Hugs are important but it is just as important to know when not to. For me that mental space is the one that deserves the most respect.
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Thanks for your feedback, Jackie. Have a great new week!
Great points and like we may have our rights but there are responsibilities to go with those rights. We can't be stepping on other's toes while we have our rights. It even reminds me of the scriptures that tell us to respect the beliefs of others to not offend them.
Great food for thought as always, Dora!
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Thanks, Pamela. I learned so much while researching it, and will be more aware now especially of respecting other people's space.
This is a very interesting hub. I have never give a great deal of thought to my personal space, yet I have heard that Americans like more personal space than people from some other nations. You brought up a lot of good points in this article.
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