My boyfriend's friend flirts with me, what should I do? Dealing with this situation is not as simple as telling your boyfriend about his buddy's flirty ways.
You risk being the person who broke apart a lifelong friendship. Separating flirting from banter, ignoring that guy, giving subtle hints and tackling the situation with maturity – this post discuses steps you can take to get that guy to stop flirting with you without creating a big scene.
1) Be sure: Is he really flirting with you
Boys will be boys and sometimes they can get carried away. Make sure that your judgment is not based on an isolated incident before you jump to a conclusion that your boyfriend's mate is flirting with you.
Make a mental note of deliberate flirting on his part and see if he does it again and again. Unless you see a pattern in that guy's flirty behavior towards you, don't start making assumptions that he likes you.
2) Ignore him for a while
The easiest way to deal with this situation without letting it get to your nerves is to ignore his buddy for a while. Ignore him subtly by not making any effort to have a conversation with him when you are all hanging out together. Give one word monosyllabic replies if he tries to chat you up.
If that guy is really a good friend to your boyfriend, he will sense the subtle animosity and immediately back off. His behavior will mellow down once he gets a bad vibe from you.
3) Don't get worked up over silly banter
Nonsensical banter may be one of those things you have to tolerate when you hang out with your boyfriend and his buddies. It may get a bit worse if you all are at the pub and everyone has let their guards down.
It is possible that there are no manipulative intentions behind the guy's flirty behavior. He could be looking at it as plain old banter without realizing that he is crossing the line. While that needs to be dealt with separately in a different way, it should put you to ease knowing that the flirting is totally harmless.
4) Don't reply if he texts or calls
Your boyfriend's friend will send you flirty texts and try to call you if he is really serious about chasing you. The best way to give him a strong signal that you are not interested is to let all the messages and calls go unanswered.
If this works, he will stop texting you. If it doesn't, let his texts pile up in your inbox so you can show them to your boyfriend when you eventually decide to tell him.
5) Watch your words: Don't give him reasons to flirt with you
Put your guard up at the slightest of hints that your boyfriend's friend is flirting with you. Watch what you say and how you behave in front of him. Don't say or do anything that makes him feel that you are reciprocating.
Control your words and body language so that you don't give him a chance to point a finger at you when the dirty laundry comes out later.
6) Don't be alone with your boyfriend's friend
If you are really getting some serious flirty vibes from him, don't put yourself in a situation where you and your boyfriend's friend are all by yourselves. Unwanted advances may lead to an unnecessary confrontation.
This might be the case when you are in a group and someone has to leave, leaving you alone with your boyfriend's mate. Excuse yourself immediately and walk away from the potentially messy situation.
7) Give subtle hints to your boyfriend's best friend: Follow it up with a direct message
Before telling your boyfriend it might be a good idea to ward of his friend's advances by giving him subtle signals. Brush off the flirty behavior by lightly saying something along the lines of 'What would your friend say if he found out you were flirting with his girlfriend'
Don't be stern when you say something like this. Be witty and more importantly, be subtle. The last thing you would want to do is sound like you were making a serious accusation.
8) Give subtle hints to your boyfriend if his friend doesn't stop flirting
Your boyfriend will be devastated and really angry when he finds out that his best friend is flirting with you. It will break his heart to know that someone who he really trusts can go behind his back to do such an ugly thing.
So instead of telling your boyfriend directly, try to give him subtle hints about the situation. Here are a few examples.
- Your friend seems a bit too excited these days
- I need you to be with me when your friend is around, I'm not comfortable being left with him alone
- He gives me bad vibes
Dropping hints like these should send a subtle message to your boyfriend. He will feel that something is not right.
9) Making the decision to tell your boyfriend directly
When everything else fails you will be pushed to the wall to tell your boyfriend about his friend's flirty ways. It will be a tough decision because you will feel partly responsible for the fallout. Here are a few possibilities you might want to think about before spilling the beans on his buddy.
- He might laugh it off and say that his friend would never do something like that, leaving you more frustrated
- He will lose his cool and end his friendship with his buddy
- He could accuse you for being equally flirty
- He may be unwilling to stand up to his friend's dirty tricks, making you feel less important in his life
None of these outcomes have a happy ending. Each possibility is a chance for more arguments and fights which will frustrate you from the core. Think this through and be sure about what you want from your relationship before you say something that could possibly break apart a friendship or even your relationship.