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Why People Become Reclusive and Like It

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Analyzing why people do the things they do and how those things affect others is one of my favorite pastimes. I enjoy finding solutions.

There are many reasons why people choose to live a life of solitude.

There are many reasons why people choose to live a life of solitude.

Why Do People Become Reclusive?

What causes a person to voluntarily remove themselves from society and live a life of solitude? For some, it may be a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They witnessed or became a victim of some horrific act, or something horrible happened to somebody they loved, and they had no control over it.

In many cases, people become reclusive after somebody within or outside the home repeatedly infringes upon their privacy or threatens them in some way. The act or acts play over and over again in their head, causing them grief, anxiety, guilt, and/or fear. These emotions overwhelm them, leaving little or no room for comfort, peace, or joy. They may also develop agoraphobia, a fear of going outside.

Common Reasons for Becoming a Recluse

  1. You Want the Privacy and Comfort of Being Alone
  2. You're Dealing With Feelings of Inadequacy
  3. You Lack Money to Go Do Things
  4. You're Concerned About Your Safety
  5. You're a Writer or an Artist
Maybe you simply prefer being alone and maintaining your privacy.

Maybe you simply prefer being alone and maintaining your privacy.

1. You Want the Privacy and Comfort of Being Alone

For some, being alone feels more comfortable than being around other people. Some of them enjoy entertaining their own thoughts and hobbies without the obligation to contribute to conversations or happenings of others. Their privacy may be more important to them than any need to share the details of their lives. They have spent much of their lives catering to the needs of others, and they feel a need to step away from all that and just relax and enjoy a peaceful existence.

In some cases, the prospect of sharing stories of their life tenses them up, and they want to protect their privacy. Whenever they share private information with others, they often regret it. Many of these people may become reclusive because they feel inadequate. They can't imagine why anyone would find anything they have to say interesting. The whole idea of being around other people who ask questions of them causes them more anxiety than joy. Staying inside their own home makes life easier for them.

2. You're Dealing With Feelings of Inadequacy

Some people know that nothing they say or do will change the past. Therefore, they mistakenly believe that sharing their feelings about the past serves no purpose. Other people know that what they have to say will make a difference. They want to share it with the world. However, they either fear that speaking out will make them more vulnerable or that they are the ones who repeatedly tugged on their mom or dad's leg as a child only to hear, "Not now; I'm busy." They were the ones who knew the answer in class, frantically waved their arm back and forth, yelling, "Pick me; pick me," only to hear another person's name called out.

Parents and teachers are busy people and sometimes, they have to give someone else their attention. However, the child internalizes this as a belief that their voice lacks importance. Throughout their lives, people unknowingly speak over them because they also have something they want to be heard. However, that is little comfort to the people who have questions, answers, or statements reeling around in their brains with nowhere to go.

Sometimes, spending time alone is a natural reaction to life events.

Sometimes, spending time alone is a natural reaction to life events.

3. You Lack Money to Go Do Things

Other people stay inside because they can't afford to do anything that interests them outside the home. In the beginning, their friends invite them to places, but they have to decline because they don't have the funds. When this occurs time and time again, most friends figure they already know the person will not join them; therefore, they stop asking.

The reclusive person becomes more accustomed to doing things alone in their own surroundings. The longer some of them spend away from other people, the more uncomfortable they feel when they have to be around them. However, some of these people maintain friendships and feel perfectly at ease when they visit.

4. You're Concerned About Your Safety

The need to feel safe in a world where there's no guarantee of security against foreign or domestic terrorists or violent criminals such as stalkers or muggers causes some people to choose a life of seclusion. Ironically, the good people who would never bring harm to another human being become prisoners in their own homes while the people who do bad things or threaten to hurt or kill another person or people walk around freely. Unfortunately, laws designed to protect people from others who threaten them rarely incarcerate the perpetrator for any significant amount of time.

In fact, in most cases, the laws provide more protection for the criminal than they do for the victim. Many victims would venture outside more if the perpetrator was locked up. If the perpetrator was locked up in a state far away and not allowed to ever leave that state, victims of that perpetrator might be able to function outside the home.

You may find that solitude provides you with artistic inspiration.

You may find that solitude provides you with artistic inspiration.

Read More From Pairedlife

5. You're a Writer or an Artist

Writers, sometimes, become reclusive because sharing their knowledge or wisdom becomes an obsession. A friend stops by to ask if they want to go out somewhere and they shew them away; saying, "I can't go right now. I'm in the middle of an important article," or, their phone rings and they quickly stuff it under their pillow. Their life and everybody in it become distractions.

Their ultimate goal of getting their point across releases them from feelings of insignificance and worthlessness. They imagine that what they've shared on paper or screen makes something easier for someone to understand, or helps somebody feel better, or makes another person smile or laugh and they like it. They like working on pieces that entertain their audience. Leaving their mark on the world trumps experiencing more of it. They like the idea that things may be better for future generations because of something they wrote about. They like spending all their time working on making the people of the world more aware, healthier, or happier. They like being a recluse.

The Importance of Listening to Reclusive People

Whether the desire to be reclusive stems from comfort or fear, it's important to weigh the risks and benefits of getting out in the world or staying in and to analyze which choice, if any, could be looked back on with the least amount of regret. Some reclusive people simply need somebody to help them see the beauty of who they are. They need somebody to hear their voice.

Whether they yell at the top of their lungs from a podium or they sit alone in their home writing onto a notepad or typing into a computer, what they have to say matters to somebody somewhere. All people have a story. Their experiences continually change who they are and who they are destined to become. Every page of their lives has the substance to teach, heal, or entertain. A mere chapter of their story could, potentially, change a life, or, maybe even, make the world a better place to live in.

Sometimes people can get caught up in their work and withdraw from social events.

Sometimes people can get caught up in their work and withdraw from social events.

The Misconception About Reclusive People

People choose or feel forced into reclusiveness for other reasons as well. A common misconception is that they sit around in a catatonic state and do nothing or that they are all feeling sad or lonely. Some people may be experiencing a deep depression. It's possible that they slipped into the depression over a long period of time, and they don't realize that their desire to be alone is a result of that.

Therapy may help them make changes to feel better. However, many people who choose a reclusive lifestyle live productive lives doing exactly what they want to do. They feel happy and content. Many of them run businesses from their homes. Some may concentrate their time on being more relaxed and less productive, but if they are happy and content with where they're at, they are in a better place than many people who are rarely alone yet feel lonely often.

Some reclusive people may seek therapy because they want to become more social beings, but they don't know how to feel safe or more comfortable in the process. Therapy may help people who want to mingle more with others or feel safer outdoors. Each individual has the right to choose and options to change if they desire to do so.

Questions & Answers

Question: My friend has been through a lot, and she's extremely reclusive. She’s twenty-one-years-old and gorgeous. She has boys chasing her all the time, but she never drinks and never goes out to the club or parties. I’m her only friend. She doesn’t like to hang out. She always wants to be at home. She never wants to talk. She has no motivation for anything. What's wrong with her?

Answer: You say that she's been through a lot. Has she talked to you about those things? She may not realize how much a therapist could help her work through her thoughts or social awkwardness if those are things keeping her isolated. It's great that she has a friend like you who is concerned for her and trying to help her enjoy life. Could it be that she's just not into the bar scene? Maybe suggest going bowling or to the movies or ask her what she would enjoy doing outside of her home.

Question: Privacy and comfort appeal to me as contributing reasons for a more reclusive existence. Is a reclusive lifestyle an all or nothing proposition? I could see myself being happy for extended periods as a recluse but wanting to be around others on occasion even if I was not interacting directly with them, e.g., going to town to do the food shopping.

Answer: I think it's healthy for people who choose to be reclusive to at the very least get out among other people occasionally and have positive interactions with other people even if virtually at least once a week. Many reclusive business people who either consider themselves recluses or have been labeled by others as such still interact with people, often daily, to conduct the business they do. Sometimes even people who enjoy being alone become depressed or anxious if they go too long without human contact so it helps to either get out or have somebody over once in a while or when negative feelings creep up.

Question: My partner has become a self-loathing recluse over the last five years. He won't answer calls, texts or the door for even his family, who now blame me. How can I help him?

Answer: Talk to him to let him know that you care about him and you want to do what you can to help. Let him know you will listen with an open heart and you would like to be part of a plan to bring him happiness. Suggest seeing a therapist who might be able to get to the root of what's wrong and how to combat it. Invite him to gradually participate in outdoor activities with yourself at first and then maybe another couple and eventually maybe family members. Start with short periods of time close to home such as a two-hour barbeque in the backyard, and if that works well maybe have another one the following week and perhaps make a date to travel a little further with another couple the week after that.

Question: How do I help my twenty-three-year-old daughter if she is becoming a recluse?

Answer: Therapy might help, but it's sometimes difficult to convince somebody to talk to a therapist. From one parent to another, what I would do in a similar situation is look for something outside the home that my daughter and I could do together once a week. I'd let her know that I really want to spend time doing fun or exciting things with her. I'd start with something fun like a trip to an amusement park or a dance class (if she likes dancing) (something that both of us have to put our phones away for). For ongoing weekly outings, maybe we could find a cause to work on together (like becoming adult literacy tutors or volunteering at a children's hospital) or maybe set up a bunco club with people of both our age groups, go to the show every Sunday, or take a culinary class together. I might see if my sister and niece want to join us on some of these outings to give her someone her own age to talk to.

Question: I have Prolonged Duration Traumatic Disorder, and I am constantly being let down by the NHS who wrote today that they are withdrawing support because I do not trust them. What do I do?

Answer: You should talk to your general practitioner or another medical professional to find out what your next step should be. They may steer you in the direction you need to go with medical personnel and also ask if they know of other resources that may help you along the way.

Question: I've become reclusive from my fear of losing everyone and becoming lonely. I figured if I'm alone then I can't lose anyone. But, I've become lonely not from loss, but from isolation. What should I do?

Answer: Go out and meet people; have some fun; and appreciate the time you get to share with them. Don't worry so much about things you have no control over. It's really tough to lose people we love but it's tougher to live life without love and to look back at time wasted alone that would have been better spent with caring people.

© 2012 H Lax


Emmy on August 09, 2020:

I had been married to the most amazing husband for 22 years, one day while visiting family I received a text message that simply said “I moved out” . I rushed the 3 hour drive home to find my home emptied, bank accounts closed everything I knew was not real. He had been living a double life and apparently the walls were closing in on him. I Spent the next year finding that so many days of being sick and several surgeries I had over the years were more then likely caused by my husband. Devastating does not begin to describe the past few years. I rented a trailer and live alone with my poodle, I have locks and alarms on every window and door. I work from home now and almost never leave my home. Now I am over 60 yrs old, I worked all my life and retirement is gone, I had no furniture, just nothing. I am slowly buying online the things I need to rebuild my life. We are divorced now, I only asked for my poodle, that I had discovered he had gotten her a license under her name and had made arrangements to sell her. In light of everything the judge ordered me to have full custody of my poodle. Now I only have my poodle and I who almost never go anywhere. By the way. My husband is only 46 yrs old and has everything I worked for. He did not work.

Bridget on August 06, 2020:

Enjoys the article, and the comments, which were so revealing. I am in my 50s now. I am becoming increasingly reclusive. But in my early years, my 20s, and 30s particularly, I was quite social! Although a lot of that was directed to finding a soul – mate (which never happened by the way). I am not depressed and I am, at least on the surface fairly talkative and sociable. But I do really enjoy my privacy. I do regret what I tell most people, especially things that are personal or important to me. I do like people sometimes, but I find a lot of what interests them, does not interest me. I also do not like the drama at 4:30 in life. I have a difficult family, and some physical health problems which no one is very sympathetic to, so this also reinforces my hermit like tendencies. Paragraph I feel I should be more sociable, but I’m really not. So it was good to see people writing their positive things Thank you

Clive Cussler on July 28, 2020:

I am out in the public so much that i wish to stay home when i am off work. A staycation is a vacation to me.If my wife passes away i will become a recluse and enjoy it.People can enjoy dogs more than some people.My hobbies can be done at home, all but one or two.Quiet time at home is priceless to many people regardless of their gender age financial status.Sorry if i am rambling.

Theresa on July 26, 2020:

I have a reclusive brother who is not in the best health. He does very little for the family. I know his social needs are met as a teacher and with his friends the few that he does have but what application do I have to him as his sister? He has never married and has no children. If he chooses to isolate from me and from the family do we have any obligations to him later in his life?

Kim on July 03, 2020:

I have spent years of my life caring for others and helping them because i was a nurse and also my nurturing spouse i love very much has severe latter stage lung disease.with the corona virus i have isolated and stay home most of the time.i have come to love it.even enjoying yardwork.i have realized what a blessing it is to just be home with my pets and husband.i do visit with family but have stopped helping anybody(tending grandkids,being a taxi driver for elderly friends and neighbors,etc.)i am happier than i have ever pets and husband are too.i am "free" for the first time in my life.

Patricia Hefferan on May 24, 2020:

I was severely abused as a child by my grandmother who ultimately tried to kill me. I used to spend hours in the closet in my bedroom to keep myself safe. I find now with the pandemic and masks and lock down that I refuse to go outside and wear a mask . In fact I am now afraid of going outside. I was hospitalized for a long period for a wound infection and when I was discharged the virus was here. I was well ahead of the social distancing curve at time as I has a wound vac attached to my thigh for 2 months. I am afraid I am being a recluse. My family of origin has at least three people who became recluses in the full sense of the word.

Rachel on May 23, 2020:


Alison on April 12, 2020:

I have become more of a recluse since I was diagnosed with PTSD about 10 years ago. I was always a loner who pushed myself to be more sociable. I was an introvert even as a young child. People didn’t understand why I kept to myself. It was normal to me and still is. I’ve never been a huge fan of people. I’m sure it stemmed from being raised in a household with parents who should not have stayed married, argued a lot and seeing abuse. I always preferred being alone. I don’t mind traveling alone, eating out alone, etc. I do stay home a lot more now. I don’t even like going out for errands but I do it. Living as a recluse makes me happy. I can do whatever I want. I work from home and do have to interact with people on the phone, which exhausts me. People drain me. Pretending is painful. I’m happiest reading, watching movies or entertaining television shows, etc. I do still talk to family on the phone and force myself to spend Thanksgiving with them, but I find it becoming harder to do so. I speak to a few friends still but rarely see them. I just like the peace and solitude and safety of staying alone. I’m glad I found this site and hope everyone continues to find happiness in their solitude.

Laura on January 29, 2020:

Brian You said it all for me !! Thumbs up,!!

Anonymouse on January 26, 2020:

@Paul... Former therapist... Also tired of dealing with everyone else's problems with very little gratitude recently with an over-abundance of entiteled and negative/complaining insividuals... has resulted in my burnout and compassion fatigue (common in the helping professions). ~ But, I have gone to the extreme lately on weekends (isolating in my room, disconnected from even family-members in my own home!). Yet, can definitely relate to many points in the article from the codependent reliance on others to the difficulty managing my own insecurities from resurfacing past childhood traumas. In therapy, myself, now thinking a career change is in order in my mid-40's.

Shannan on January 19, 2020:

I think I have a recluse mother, but I am not sure. I travel abroad most of the year. I come to spend time with my mom when I am off and she hugs me tight and says she misses me and we have dinner. Then she goes in her bedroom and closes the door for the rest of the night. The next day, I hear her TV on but door is still closed. I will knock on her door to talk to her but we talk though the door. It is a tough situation for me. I don't understand. Anyone, can you share thoughts or ideas?

Brian on December 13, 2019:

I'm with the others here that prefer the solo life and live it purposefully. I don't regret becoming a recluse at all. In fact, I very much enjoy the reclusive lifestyle. Like others here, I'm also a minimalist and own shockingly little for my age. The less I have, the lighter and better I feel. I’m anti-flash so that others don’t take an interest. I moved to the outskirts of a small town with decent grocery stores and medical facilities. Also like others here, I’m a saver, not a spender. I don’t spend unless I really need something and I detest wasting money. When I die, what’s left is all willed to charity, so that will be my legacy. The world can be an incredibly tough, brutal, cruel place, which is something I learned and internalized at a very young age. I feel extremely fortunate to finally have the means to be a recluse. The desire to be a recluse has always been strong in me, but I didn’t come to acknowledge and accept that until I was in my 40s. Like others here, even though I would have preferred solitude, I did my best to fit in, which was advantageous to everyone but me. Finally, after 40 years of working, I was able to squirrel enough away so that I didn’t have to work any longer, further limiting the requirement that I interact with others. The only time I speak to anyone these days is at the grocery store and then only when required. I’m polite to others, but I don’t engage in conversation unless necessary. I cook and eat all my meals at home. I don’t like movie theaters. I don’t know my neighbors. I venture out only at times I know there will be the fewest of others about. I do what I want when I want and there's no one there to control, criticize or judge. I love taking solo drives out to the middle of nowhere. I love walking alone. I love reading and writing. I love living my austere, minimalist solo life. To each their own.

colleen on November 09, 2019:

I am a recluse and just stumbelled upon this page. I have PTSD, prolonged phys, emotional and sexual abuse over 20 year period. I used to be out going and loved having friends and enjoyed a social life. Now., I only talk to a couple of people now and then, and my son who just had a child with his partner. I just feel that I am not doing the norm, but I don't mind being alone. I have a cat. I read, and watch some T.V., that's about it.

Pam on November 07, 2019:

I am a recluse and became so during the last 5-10 years. It is my time, to do what I want when I want and not be interrupted by others. I have rescue animals who love me unconditionally, that is all I need, I can listen to the music I want, watch the channel I want, hold on to my money and not spend if I choose. I am different, I have spent my life trying to fit in, mingle only to be advised to be different from my true self so that I better fit in. Work was hard, people giving advice on how to be to be part of the team. It should have been the other way round, they should have been more accepting of peoples differences. I have been told to go with the flow, I am not a dead fish so I do not go with the flow. In order to protect my integrity, I have had to step aside from society to be true to myself. I can go back into society if I choose, I have the knowhow but I choose not to, there is much to be enjoyed in a solitary life. I love my family from a distance, they live their lives as they choose but it is not my way. I live my life my way.

Camille on July 23, 2019:

I've countless times rejected by people because of who I am. I've Come to a pint in my life where I don't wanna be around people and make excuses. And when I do socialise I forget how to even make a conversation... Even with someone I know. I know I need help

Michael Doren from Hudson Valley NY STATE on June 27, 2019:

I have become recluse more every day since my wife passed of terminal cancer. We were always together (38 years) and able to travel a lot. Now living alone in a house to big for one person has major issues. I stay home a lot alone, I do shop, eat alone out or in. Lot of cleaning for myself. I built it new for her. I'm afraid to move to a beach condo or another place by myself. I have nobody but myself. I retired early to take care of her the last 10 months. It was horrible, I know people die but this was not to happen. Now I have nothing, can't trust anyone. Just looking for a good friend to travel a bit but there is no bond or trust. I'm to old to play games with insecure people and pretty much glue myself to the house. I have a 87 year old mother who I take care of remotely and see her twice a month for doctor visits and lunch. I sometimes wish she would pass so I can pass myself. I don't trust or believe in God, only myself and my dead wife. It's getting worse and worse. I do have a better understanding why someone like me can become recluse in there life. I was always open and ready to go anyway, now I don't want to even see a neighbor.

H Lax (author) on June 24, 2019:

It's a miracle and a blessing that you made it through all that. I'm glad you're still here. Thanks for the input on my article. I appreciate it.

jes nemo on June 24, 2019:

my mom had a saying i overheard growing up and though it wasn't applied to me at the time, i took it to heart. "it's better to be alone than wish you were alone." When i was younger i was definitely 'different' and not a part of the crowd, bullied, and so on. Home life wasn't great and resulted in further isolation. In my 20s, I did a complete 180, became outgoing despite my discomfort, sought the company of others at any cost. Younger, i would go so far out of my way to be friends wth someone, believing that was what i was supposed to do, though i was being used, but this absolutely EXPLODED in my 20s and i had a rough time of it when realization hit and life got real (was a victim of a violent crime, was a caregiver to a family member, still dealing with an unstable immediate family, blah blah blah, life. everyone has their shit, i get it) I ultimately had a "breakdown" concurrent with an injury which led to self medication and full-blown addiction.

in the end, i'm miraculously still alive and think the only way i could have learned this valuable lesson is through experience. i have isolated from everyone, well all those 'friends' were gone anyway, and i live for self-fulfillment, am constantly learning and choose to be alone. at times, i do wish i had some to connect with, someone with similar priorities and outlooks but i think due to said lifestyle it is near impossible.

I think your article hit some interesting points, though I think on the part where you focused on writers it could have been expanded to all those who want to leave a legacy of some kind. Also, there should be a distinction between people who choose to be alone and maintain a healthy frame of mind and those who are struggling and need those prompts you offered as advice. If someone did that to me today, albeit well-intentioned, I'd be thoroughly irritated and question whether the person understood where I was coming from. I understood those initiatives are well intended... but, yeah.

Mya Glubpanny on May 26, 2019:

I realize people are gregarious, but the people I have worked with, and suffered with, have been mostly sociopaths, narcissists, and harassers, including those in my own family.

I wonder how it would be to be finally alone, and able to see to my own goals without sociopathic interference. I just wonder.

ReclusiveDeb on May 03, 2019:

I have always been a reclusive loner. It would get much worse after my beloved mom died in my arms. I developed ptsd and got over it 9 months later. Now 3 yrs after moms death I want nothing to do with anyone but God and my pets .......... I have no need for people , their drama and bs . I have no problems living alone for I am never alone God is always with me . It is far better to grow old alone than be hurt by people and i guess in my case people just hurt me too deeply . Everyone in my family only wanted money no one gave a care about mom which made it so much easier for me to walk away from them all should have been about mom and brought us all closer instead of being about money which they all got it ripped my entire family apart after that i chose to estrange from my sister and 3 sons the only family i have now growing old alone and dying alone even i have no problems with for God is with me . amen

Nathan on April 30, 2019:

I enjoyed reading these and identify with some. I'm an efficient person and my own version of a minimalist, I don't spend much on parishable goods. Anyway, I don't leave because and live remotely because I equally avoid criminals and law enforcement. They both give me anxiety and in my view are generally one in the same. They both want something from you and I want to be left alone.

Ricky Butler on April 28, 2019:

I have always had a reclusive nature. a loner nature. I do have anxiety and have had agoraphobia when I had my family I was a bit more outgoing. I did travel for about 4 years. my mom had a stroke in 1997 and lost her voice. she became reclusive and my family life vanished. Mom lived on almost 19 more years and I helped her as much as I could. by age 39 I started becoming reclusive again. now that mom is gone I just prefer to live to myself. I am emotionally tired and just tired of drama (all family ties have been cut)I like to walk and have my indoor hobbies and prefer quiet and solitude. I do visit with a friend a couple of times a month. it's not a matter of CAN'T get out, but don't want to! I never watch news and don't keep up with the times. without my solitude I would go mad. and I love living alone.

Rev. Nobody on February 17, 2019:

I am impressed with your insight on the relation to humanity and being a recluse. I personal being a recluse observe a freedom and have a relationship with God as written in the Bible. I find that having faith in a higher power delivers me through the recipe in the book. The greatest weapon Satan has against us; is us. And if he can cause you to use you against you, through lonely moments, depressing thoughts, hurtful memories, he has the battle half won. We have to keep the focus that just like life itself, these low human emotions will pass.

H Lax (author) on January 15, 2019:

So sorry to hear your friend went through that. My condolences on your loss. It's difficult for friends to know what to do when their attempts to include someone they care about are brushed off so to speak. It's definitely important to interact with others or depression will get the best of you.

Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on January 15, 2019:

I found this interesting. I had a friend who was a recluse. She fit your explanation perfectly. It was always difficult getting her to join the rest of us in our circle of friends. Whenever she would be invited to join us she would come up with an excuse. Unfortunately she eventually died at an early age. I think she went through a severe depression. I feel sorry for her. It shows how important it is to get out there and be with people.

O on January 05, 2019:

I have been a recluse for over 10 years. I only go out when I absolutely have to. I like being alone. I like being alone with my own thoughts. I don't get bored and I don't get lonely. I live alone with my adult son. I don't watch the news. I don't care about what is going on in the world because its always nothing but cruelty and disaster. Besides, I cant fix it so I don't see the point. Most of my life I have been a caregiver not only with my own family but as a profession. This world has done despicable things to humanity over land, money, religion, addictions, lack of empathy and race. Its not surprising to me that a lot of people want to be reclusive because it will NEVER get better.

Jane from LA on December 30, 2018:

I love being by myself and living in solitude. After abuse issues I cannot trust people. I am giving and they use me. I share my thoughts and they use it against me. My family has lied and stolen from me. I have few friends and thankful for them. It's better alone where I paint and dream and not be punished for it. I have my stray animals and they love me.

H Lax (author) on November 21, 2018:

Dear Opting Out, I have a friend who's a prison guard and I've heard some stories of the repulsive things some of the prisoners do and also some sad stories about things some of them experienced. I imagine it's difficult to leave the frustration at the office so to speak. However, somehow she seems happy and puts a lot of her energy into raising well rounded kids. That's always been her number one priority. She has five kids and the youngest has just entered college. Perhaps you know of another guard at your work who might be able to tell you how they manage to keep the two separate. I was a young girl once and I sure loved my Dad and wanted him to be well. I'm sure your daughters feel the same way about you. We used to sing songs together and I hope he knew how much those times would mean to me for the rest of my life. I think singing together also helped him lighten up from his work day. When you see their smiles, you'll feel appreciated and maybe your wife will start showing her appreciation for you too. I wish the best for you and your family and I hope you will seek out a counselor or someone to help you all live a happier life. Take Care. I'm rooting for you.

Opting out on November 21, 2018:

Just read most of the posts here and could not agree more. I am 43 years old and have been a jail guard for 21 years. My daily environment at work is depressing to say the least. I am married with 2 young daughters and an ungrateful wife. I try to escape every day just to be alone with my thoughts. This is my second marrage and will be my last. I avoid people at all costs to avoid conversation. I see the worst of society every day and just want to be in my own world. I also find having less is better and have become a minimalist. For those who share my my views of tuning others out and just focusing on you I say good luck. These days I feel any time alone is time well spent.

Annon recluse 25 year old female on November 14, 2018:

For the first piece of advice regarding the 23 year old becoming a recluse, good advice for someone who WANTS to take part in socialising, but for the person who wishes not to be a part of society any longer it really just seems like absolute hell and not something fun to do whatsoever, in fact if my mum tried to take me out with a group of people around her and my age to “get me out of the house” I’d block her number afterwards for putting me through a horrible situation I never wanted to be a part of.. this my friends is what your dealing with when it comes to mental illness..

H Lax (author) on November 01, 2018:

Ambercrombie, If you're feeling stressed and anxiety you should definitely talk to someone about it. Shutting yourself off from others at times like this only add to stress and anxiety. Sometimes a mere walk or ride with a friend can help inspire people to laugh a little and let go of the things bringing them down and then they can work on finding things to bring them up and make them feel better.

Ambercrombie T on November 01, 2018:

I've become more recluse little more each week or month to where now my lack of involvement socially and intimately and relationships/friendships are being ruined because of it. But my stress and anxiety has gotten so overwhelming that it confuses me on making basic choices or decisions on how to deal with everyday life and my surroundings in a way that the "me"a year ago wouldn't dream of being or doing. Serious need of mental tlc I think

Sherry on October 16, 2018:

I have been very reclusive,for the last few years. I have very little contact with my children since my divorce many years ago, and when I did, there was only friction involved, so I went my own way. The best thing I ever did. No more nastiness, or back biting. I love my life now, I still go out doing my own thing, but have really little to do with other people. My friends who I thought were friends, since my divorce are long gone. But I can live without them. I have an old country house and spend my days doing things to improve it, . When I go out all I really want is to get back to it. My safe haven of solitude. I really cannot be bothered with people, anymore. A short discusson, or chat now and then is ok. There is nothing wrong with being reclusive, as I now have a better life than I did before, and am enjoying every moment of it.

Anonymous on October 04, 2018:

Been a recluse my whole life

sarah on September 08, 2018:

iam getting like recluse if not already ,just need peace and quiet from all the abuse of 30 yrs with alcoholic ,time for me now ,I really enjoy alone time .

Emmyboy from Nigeria on August 14, 2018:

Nice one.

Sometimes, living like a recluse can be quite exciting in an indescribable way.

H Lax (author) on July 30, 2018:

Thanks for sharing your experiences "His Highness". I know how you feel about wishing you would have figured it all out earlier in life...I'm always saying "if I only knew then what I know now". Sometimes when I think I got it all figured out I get in a slump and I have to pull a 180 and just change things up for a week or two and get back to being me.

His Highness on July 30, 2018:

Knew I was different than the other kids at the age of six, but struggled as to the reason why. So did a couple of my teachers. Great grades but little success in personal interactions. Great career success but zero long term meaningful relationships. Didn't figure it out until I was in my 40s. Now, I'm a total recluse and staunch minimalist. I don't even pretend to enjoy social interactions anymore. I know who I am, but it took a loooong time to figure it out as there's always a push and guilt associated with not being social enough. The more social interaction I have, the worse I feel. Nothing makes me happier than solitude and some good reading material. Cities make me ill so I moved to one of the states with the lowest population density and got as rural as I possibly could. The more stuff I own the worse I feel. Don't even own a TV as I can't take 98% of programmed MSM. I have a chair and a bed and that's the totality of my furniture. I'm considered wealthy but you'd never know it as I own very little and drive a 14 year old vehicle. My entire wardrobe would fit into a couple of medium sized kitchen cabinets. Luv being a recluse and feel most fortunate to be able to maintain this lifestyle. Minimalism makes me feel great too. I do wish I figured these things out about myself earlier in life however.

lifeofabuse on July 17, 2018:

I have become a recluse due to abuse i had to endure from a ex his family my family . people that I thought was going to be in my life forever. i have ptsd. panic attacks. its easier to be alone that way know one can hurt you. childhood friends turned on me , family turned on me. i did seek counseling to help which in turn opened locked doors and memories of sexual abuse by a sisters father came to light . i decided to delete every family member but a few from my life. the struggle is real and very few will ever understand. we get blamed shamed and made fun of, this is the reason i will never open my heart again to anyone but a few. thank you for writing this.

H Lax (author) on July 14, 2018:

Thanks for sharing Nellie 444, (my lucky number, lol). I hope you find the peace you're looking for. I'm glad you have others who inspire you to open up.

nellie 444 on July 14, 2018:

Am very content with locating this site. Was innocently thinking my thoughts of being able to find comfort in life [recluse] were mine alone. I am at the December of life, and been anxious, upset, honestly afraid, and fed up with having to put on a front that all is ok. I felt while being over wrung with intrusive thoughts, a peace of sorts, when thinking what if I didn't know certain things happening outside my realm. I am not mentally deficient,, thou do suffer a case of depression for years. Not so sure it is chemical, as compared to my fight to accept happenings in life, that as it goes on have been horrific enough for anyone to doubt me . My decision is to start with as much as I can do to protect myself from outside influences. I find comfort when alone, in my condo. I will be here as humanly possible. Not making calls to family and friends, as can't infringe on my peace, with news I don't want, though,, thought relevant, by some. Not to say I won't accept any calls, deemed necessary [children] to my well being, but ready to cut short, if I find disturbing . I am off on my new [I feel peaceful life] to give it a choice try. For my overall wellbeing, need to know how to live as a human being, not feeling the trouble and absolute bad in the world, I am at my end, seeking comfort, and hope this is it. Bless anyone who understands my situation, and thanks to Cathy kit, and Ange , for inspiring me to share, getting my feelings of a long time, exposed, is a catharsis. on July 10, 2018:

Great article,thanks.

Trev on June 27, 2018:

I get along with people very easily when I'm in those situations, but because I know I'm ugly, there's no point talking to women. They use me socially to benefit their lives, but what do I get? Why bother.

Ange on June 13, 2018:

I am reclusive. Go out - come back quick! Do you know I used to be very outgoing /a people's person but now I'm happy with my house and family. I worried about the change in me and had two sessions of anxiety management and gave it up. I couldn't deal with opening up to the group? Mistrust I suppose. I do have melt downs. But do you know I feel safe and ok in my house and love my family and enjoy cooking and making 'their' lives great. X

catty kit on June 08, 2018:

I've become a happy recluse since my last divorce, which was the most traumatic experience of my life (and I've had plenty) . To begin with I had toxic parents, I had chosen relationships later on (friends and boyfriends) who took advantage of me & were bad to me. Husbands were narcissistic, one a hard core addict, another physically abusive. I've always had a proclivity to prefer being alone & thrive on it, but I have a history of attracting toxic people. So I finally have solitude, safety and peace. I have only a handful of acquaintances I occasionally talk to by phone or text/msgr. After a conversation w/anyone I'm worn out & don't want to talk again for (it varies) long spurts. The need for breaks from them is lasting longer. I'm now avoiding them. I enjoy doing solo things outside the house too like antique looking, attending movies, lectures, performances, walking and bicycling. The only time I have to be around people is work. It's tolerable but I really have gotten to love being solo.

Lisa Law on May 17, 2018:

My daughter graduated college recently and has a very good job. She hangs in her room alot and smokes weed to relax. She seems very angry, and I know she had a hard time at college with nasty roomates and years ago when she was young my sister was not very nice to her and my niece would take all the friends she got close with. She is so good hearted and giving of herself. When we talk she is very fresh to me and tells me to worry about my own life. We used to laugh and have vacations and just good times, I will never stop worrying about my kids, and I want to have a relationship like before. How do I help???

Lisa Law on May 17, 2018:

My daughter graduated college recently and has a very good job. She hangs in her room alot and smokes weed to relax. She seems very angry, and I know she had a hard time at college with nasty roomates and years ago when she was young my sister was not very nice to her and my niece would take all the friends she got close with. She is so good hearted and giving of herself. When we talk she is very fresh to me and tells me to worry about my own life. We used to laugh and have vacations and just good times, I will never stop worrying about my kids, and I want to have a relationship like before. How do I help???

Mary Dieter on May 14, 2018:

This is so me! Not totally, but close! Been hurt one too many times, will turn you into this person! Live by myself 12 years now and love it! I have had chances, don't get me wrong! Just tired of trying to make everyone I meet, happier, than when I met them! I work on ME, for a change!

Cherry Love on May 11, 2018:

I slowly became a recluse. After retiring in 2011, I chose carefully the groups I wanted to socialize with. In 2005, my only living child was sentenced to 30 years to life, his charges were: 2 counts of shooting with the intent to kill. His home is a maximum security facility. I am not going to say, 'The Family is Doing Time', but, 'I am doing time with him'.

I do not share this with neighbors or over tea/coffee at volunteer groups.

I organized a support group for Families of the Incarcerated and that was a help for families. They told me it was. I am 70 years old now and I still volunteer and I love it. But, some of the social events, that are offered to me I find time wasting. There are older women complaining about their dead husbands, that were devils, their adult children who neglect them, their grandchildren who only contact them for money and the poor health care they receive. I think I will just go home and read a good book or watch a movie.

M on May 05, 2018:

Great article and comments. Happy to see so much support and understanding in the comments. This article helped me realize that I'm (somewhat) reclusive because it's more comfortable, as opposed to having fear for my safety. This article's mention of not wanting to have to entertain others is relatable to me. Thank you!

Forgotten soldier on May 01, 2018:

I have cptsd from a physical abusive childhood Also ptsd from time served in the army. I am reclusive because I have difficulties forming relationships and trust issues.I am most comfortable alone.This is the price I must pay for failing to return to England in a body bag.

Cannice95 on April 27, 2018:

I can't wait to be a recluse ive been through so much in the past my whole life has been constant abuse. I just want to be living on my own.

Sarke' Leebert on April 23, 2018:

As the great poet Charles Bukowski said, "It's not that I hate people. I just feel better when they're not around." This quote sums up my reasons for my reclusive life.

Matt on April 09, 2018:

Inadequately feeling that use of the word "I" is too selfish, overused. Worked hard to be a de-greed engineer but after 15 yrs with a utility constantly reorganizing and putting people in charge who set up their own ways of doing business even when it conflicted with company policy. Forced out early retirement because I did something allowed under previous that embarrassed the political structure. Mo staff meetings, no setting new policy, just lying in wait to pounce when it didn't suit is what they did. Today I'm a recluse drinking 1-3/4 Liters scotch every 3-days.

cursedempath on April 07, 2018:

I love this article so much! I can relate to more then a few of your reasons that some of us "opt out" of society as it is. I believe that eventually, your exhaustion with the endless crap that is thrown at you constantly outweighs your desire to keep faith that things will improve or that you will ever be able to "make peace" with the corruption and injustices and whatnot. Great article!

H Lax (author) on March 16, 2018:

Thanks for sharing that quote Trisha. I feel the same way.

Trisha Walsh on March 16, 2018:

My reason for wanting to be a recluse can be perfectly summed up in this quote by Warsan Shire:-

"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude".

H Lax (author) on March 14, 2018:

Totoro, Your English is pretty good. I'm sure the people you helped don't care what it was that made you help; they're just happy that you did. That's all that matters. Most people have interior motives when they do things for others. That doesn't make them bad people. It's okay to do something good and hope that people show appreciation for it. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I applaud you for helping out when no one else did.

Totoro on March 14, 2018:

I'm a recluse, When i was 15 i witnessed a car accident, many people were around, but funny enough only me went to the car to help. The feeling was great, but after that i went home, thinking about what i did, i said to myself that you helped those people because ppl were around and that you want them to give you an applause because of what you did. Pretty sure that i would still help them if there were no one around, but the thought of wanting ppl to acknowledged good thing i did makes me disgusted myself. Now i'm 18, whenever i do good things, or just interacting with friends, even though i put my heart and soul to it, i still feel like i'm a superficial human, i feel like i should not have any close relationship with anyone because i don't deserve it, and it's best that i disappeared.

Sorry for my bad English, and thanks for the article!~

Emmyboy from Nigeria on March 14, 2018:

Nice points.

I can relate on some the points raised.

Thanks for sharing.

Francisco Castillo on February 16, 2018:

Hi and good afternoon from Spain!

To me being a recluse is one option to avoid calling attention when living in a small town, and being different.

Recluse life on February 04, 2018:

Went into recluse mode 10 months ago & it has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Yes it can create some problems like agoraphobia & whatnot but honestly there isn’t much good going on outside anymore unless your removed far from society . I live in LA so there are people everywhere and a lot of absolute shit I’m sorry to say it but some times you have to be real. I was part of the problem though not too long ago...a filthy disease just destroying the world one day at a time. Some times you have to enter far into your own mind and soul to find truths & you can’t have distractions from the world there . Telling you lies & then your filled with shit all over again

H Lax (author) on January 20, 2018:

Hi Comfortably Alone, I know what you mean. I don't think what you are experiencing is at all uncommon. Many people feel guilty for the way they behaved or things they said or did perhaps as a result of being immature or they behaved in the manner they did as some rebellious statement against something wrong in their own lives, or even while intoxicated. The thing is as long as what happened didn't hurt someone down to their soul, I don't think anybody gives any thought at all to the way somebody acted in the past. Most people forget those things if they weren't directly effected by them and when new, positive actions blur out the negative. And, everybody slips up once in a while. Hopefully, nobody gets hurt in the process. If somebody did get hurt, a heartfelt apology might help everybody heal. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take Care.

Comfortably Alone on January 20, 2018:

I replay events throughout my life over and over again in my mind and I just cringe at the way I acted/behaved/spoke/interacted with others. It felt alright at the time, but when I look back on it after it occurs I always feel as though I behaved in a low-class trashy fashion. I don't know if the other person noticed, but maybe I was too boisterous, rambunctious, overenthusiastic, loud, trying to be the center of attention, etc. It's like a constant loop where you wonder why you weren't more demure, accommodating, soft-spoken, cultured, or something of the like. It's as if you're constantly maturing and looking back at how you acted in the past, and you can't STAND IT, but you can't do anything except replay the events over and over and wince.

I lost my looks, my hobbies waned into territory you can't discuss with polite strangers, my interest in this 2o10s decade is minimal at best (90s-2000s rocked better), and I feel I have nothing left to offer and contribute to anybody, and I am constantly humiliated by my past, so the best thing I could do for myself and everybody else was remove myself from the equation.

I dumped all my friends, only leave the house for work, and occasionally I spend time with 1 or 2 cousins. Spending time with strangers or a large crowd can physically exhaust me within 10 minutes, and I don't think I want to talk to strangers anymore anyway. The rest of the time its just me surrounded by my books and my computer and my hobbies in my room so there's no possible way for me to humiliate myself when I am not interacting with anyone. It makes me less nervous, and I don't have to constantly police my behavior to make sure I am acting with decorum instead of like low-class trash.

H Lax (author) on January 15, 2018:

Deslandres, I'm so sorry that those have been your experiences with people. My heart goes out to you for the pain you have suffered. There are many good people in the world who help others and don't take advantage of them. My hope is that we see more of those people and less of the people who do bad deeds and hurt others in the future. I agree that people should be very careful of who they lend money to if they lend any at all. I wish you and your friend well and I hope you both experience the goodness in others. Take care.

Deslandres on January 14, 2018:

My reason for becoming one is simply because people have not only abused me but also mistreated me in other ways over the years. This is a very long story which I won't go into here due to limited room, but believe me, hateful rejection has a lot to do with it. Also the greed of others and now that people are more all for themselves and won't help others, especially when you have a major need and happen to be disabled and most need something and you wonder why someone like me would avoid most people! I also have a friend who's also reclusive and because of different problems he had, he can't stand to deal with most people, especially since he deals with a mental disorder. I can't say I'm totally reclusive because there are very few people I will deal with when they prove themselves trustworthy. However, if you have money, be very careful who you hang with and what kind of people you're around lest they take advantage of you and drain you dry! Even if you look to collect from a very legitimate case, start pulling the purse strings and saving money when you have none so that by time you get your other money you can better support yourself with the one time gift from whatever it is you look to collect from. Best yet, enjoy it but don't shell out no money, meaning don't loan money to no one

I feel very alone on January 03, 2018:

I was a very popular and happy human all my life. I am now 60 years old and my popularity has faded because I want to be alone for reasons unknown to me.

H Lax (author) on January 02, 2018:

Hi Dom, It's so painful to lose people we love, especially when it's somebody who loved us so completely. My heart goes out to you at the loss of your Mum. I lost my Mom when I was 17 and I had a similar experience. I still went out with friends often but there was a disconnect in many of my relationships. I think it was that fear. I hope your therapy helps you to overcome it and to let yourself love without reservations. Take Care.

Fat Fudge on December 30, 2017:

I have become reclusive recently as I really cannot be bothered with other people. I think it is because I had a tough time with an out of control child and no one helped but everyone criticized and gossiped . Then some one came along who helped immensely with my daughter but he was an alcoholic so came with another set of problems and more nonconstructive criticism took place . Think I just simply went off humans and decided that I have very little time for them. Does that make sense?

Dom Parker on December 28, 2017:

I would categorise myself now as a recluse, but I wasn't always this way.

I was an only child, and never knew my father as my mum would never talk about him. She sadly passed away from cancer 5 years ago and it's since then that I've slowly withdrawn from socialising with friends. I find it hard to form relationships as I think its the fear of losing someone that I may get close to and perhaps fall in love with. I'm in one to one therapy currently which is helping somewhat, and I have hope that one day I can be in a place where I can love and trust another person.

ahorseback on December 27, 2017:

I am more a recluse than anything else , being intuitive and very observant of human nature , I will say it is a" safety net" of sorts and a result of perhaps some negative human -social experiences of youth . On the other hand while I admire many who are very extroverted I see a desperation in that behavior too as I see many who's social life has far outweighed the ability to stick to or develop familial ties . Isn't it just a "six of one half a dozen of the other "........thing ?

walt deelman on December 26, 2017:

A quick read here was the beginning of an understanding for me .. thank you!


H Lax (author) on September 12, 2017:

There is no greater insult for a writer than to be accused of plagiarizing. I assure all my readers that my work is original. It is based solely on my own personal experiences, my own analysis or observations of the subject addressed, or a mixture of both.

H Lax (author) on August 05, 2017:

Thanks Chris, I totally agree with you. People have the right to live their lives any way they choose as long as they are not hurting anybody hopefully not hurting themselves either. Your comment made me reread my article because I don't think I articulated that being reclusive is sometimes a choice made from preference and that there is nothing wrong with that. I'll have to do some editing to get that in there.

Chris on August 05, 2017:

I enjoyes your article....

As i read through the comments I noticed as I have in many other articles that people comment that the person is "lonely and or depressed" and i asked myself why so many people believe or think that?

As one reply stated, we all have our own experiences that make us who we are...

Just because I or others do not fit into societys norm does not make us less of a person...

Just as society stereotypes us as being "abnormal", those os us that are this way could do the same..."Why would anyone want to subject themselves to what society deems as the norm...i see that is complete insanity"

I, personally, am not depressed, I am less stressed...more happy, more content with life and more at peace with my life then I ever have been..

So, for societys 99% who are social butterflies who are dependant upon other...that is great and best wishes to what makes you happy and fulfilled...

And to the 1% of us who choose our way...Best wishes to all of you also

H Lax (author) on July 04, 2017:

Thank you Robyn.

Robyn on June 27, 2017:

A beautiful and true description thankyou....

Gord on June 25, 2017:

I do gather for quiet social gatherings and for special occasions with a close group of friends, and even organize social gatherings. However, I do not have the need for constant stimulation day in day out, every weekend, etc.

Being in loud, crowded, environments and being bombarded by sights and sounds just brings about sensory overload.

There are coworkers who come back on a Monday and talk about their weekend which was filled with an itinerary full of activities and events and I think to myself, "How exhausting!"

Nor do I believe one needs a huge social network of friends. Really, for those of people who have several hundred friends on Facebook how many of them are actually people who affect their lives? It's the quality of friends and not quantity. It's about how special occasions should be special and not the norm.

It's like the Seinfeld joke about the absurdity about how people always need to be out somewhere to feel fulfilled and as soon as they're out somewhere they want to leave:

"Once you're out, you wanna get back. You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go."

H Lax (author) on May 29, 2017:

Thanks Audrey, I know what you mean. I sure enjoy my nice, peaceful "me" time too!

Audrey Hunt from Pahrump NV on May 28, 2017:

I wouldn't call myself a recluse but I sure enjoy my solitude. Like you've pointed out in the last paragraph here, I do claim "Reclusive Rights". )

Love this hub!


H Lax (author) on May 26, 2017:

Dear Shadow, It breaks my heart to think of you in so much pain. You may be able to find resources to improve your situation or help with the stresses you are feeling by contacting different agencies. You could start here and I'm sure they will be able to help you figure out where to turn to next. . 1-800-273-TALK (8255), 24 hours a day, 7 days a week . Sometimes it helps to write it down or talk it out but usually it takes some kind of plan to live your best life. The good thing about this life is that you have some control over it. One thing that has kept me from killing myself is the fear that I could be stuck in conditions much worse with no way to come back. I'm glad your mother is keeping you alive but I hope you find ways to enjoy more of your life. Sending you prayers and hugs.

Shadow on May 26, 2017:

I am on sickness benefit and have no house, savings etc. I am so disillusioned by people that I wish I could buy a house on its own land, away from people and get some healing. The stress of having horrible neighbours, and sleeping with earplugs every night because of sirens and road noise, is keeping me sick. When I get away from this flat, and these noises I start to relax; then I have to return and quickly get sick again.

Short of winning the lotto I'm stuck here. I really hate people, and want out. I cry my heart out every day and beg for death. Cant kill myself though as it will destroy my mother and I dont want to do that. So i have to grin and bear an unbearable illness and neighbours from hell. Get me away from here and I'll slowly get well again. :(

H Lax (author) on March 31, 2017:

Kathy, Thanks for sharing your story with me. I can relate to how you found yourself where you are. Somehow, it seems to sneak up on you with one thing happening after another. I wish you well. I'm glad I could be of some help. Take care.

Kathy on March 31, 2017:

Thank you! I simply googled Reclusive just now because I wondered why I am the way I am when I was never this way before. I was the social butterfly. I had parties at my home and enjoyed the company of many friends. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer, and it was the beginning of isolation. When I moved out of state, I didn't have any friends, so it was easier to isolate. Six years ago something very traumatic happened. I believe I have PTSD. I do go to my job, but I am simply an actress on stage. I teach, so it is easy to pretend to be okay. My students think I am a vibrant person. I want to laugh every time they say it. When I was younger, I did have horrible anxiety, but it didn't keep me from being social. In fact, I needed people around me. Anyway, thanks for sharing. It helps.

H Lax (author) on October 04, 2016:

LOL...I'm trying; my problem is I have a million things I want to write about and they're all banging into each other. I need to organize my mind.

Suzie from Carson City on October 04, 2016:

Better late than never. It's good to see you. C'mon, get back in the swing. You are missed!

H Lax (author) on October 04, 2016:

I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been busy being reclusive too. LOL. I could have written the exact thing you wrote to me (every word of it). Take care.and thanks for reading.

H Lax (author) on October 04, 2016:

Hi Paula, I haven't been on here much. I've been becoming more and more reclusive I just got this message from you and apparently you wrote it seven months ago. I hope all is good for you. I do miss the interactions I had with you and other hubbers so I really need to get back in the game. Yeah, I think I would have had to make a huge effort to get a laugh out at that t-shirt. :)

moonlake from America on February 12, 2016:

I am reclusive now. I hate winter and won't go out unless I have to. I have lost friends and family in the last year so that is part of it. I have always liked being home. I, at least, would get out and go on short trips with friends. I haven't done that in a long time.

My kids are busy so I don't visit them. They call or text, but that is about it. Nowadays they think texting makes it all good. I know I need to get out of this rut I'm in.

Suzie from Carson City on February 12, 2016:

Honey.....I just reread this. In 13 months since my original comment, I think I've become even more reclusive. Of course, it is winter and I don't especially like to venture out when the weather is bad.

However, I've proven to myself over the past few years that I truly feel much happier over all by avoiding a lot of interaction. Reading Pablo's comment rings quite familiar to me. We humans have a saturation point. When we've spent 75% of our life in constant communication and connection with every type of individual imaginable, offering our energies & expertise~~it can wear us down.

When I retired, a friend gave me a T-shirt that read: "It's OK. I'll just drop everything immediately and work on YOUR problems." LOL

It's suppose to be FUNNY. I don't think I laughed! Have a great week-end! Paula

H Lax (author) on February 12, 2016:

Thanks for commenting pablo123; It sounds like you are finally living the peaceful life you deserve. Enjoy! :)

john from N.C. on February 11, 2016:

As a former therapist, I have had enough drama just trying avoid the need to solve problems for other people. I mean that in this by trying to help people learn to cope with their horrors and not kill themselves in the process. Now I am retired, have paid my dues and like being alone, to think, read, paint and joy great music on my headphones. I hate to hear the phone ring and I seldom answer it unless I know it is important. Doctor's offices will leave a message. I like people, but I have leaned that I cannot save everyone.

H Lax (author) on January 28, 2015:

Hi effer, sorry, I haven't been visiting my hubpages too often and just saw that you wrote me. I haven't even seen the previous message you're referring to. I'm about to start getting back in the game. Now, about that bone you have to pick with me....??? LOL

Dan on January 07, 2015:

What I mean by that comment, is that there is a huge stigma with these 2 disorders, I don't want to be stigmatized, I have no choice but to hide.

Dan on December 05, 2014:

I'm a bipolar aspie, no thanks.

H Lax (author) on May 21, 2014:

Lynn, thanks for commenting and I hope you can figure it out. I didn't mean that those specific reasons applied to everyone who becomes reclusive and I have even become aware of other reasons some people become reclusive since I wrote that article. One reason could be that people continually disappoint them or that they feel too much stress thinking that they are a disappointment to others; another reason might be that they lack motivation and possibly don't recognize that they are depressed and lack motivation to get help to overcome it. I'm sure there are hundreds, if not, thousands, of other reasons. I am seriously considering researching this further and possibly writing a book about it one day. Maybe when my book comes out, I will have discovered something that makes you say, "Aha, that's it!" And with knowing the reason, you will give yourself more power to choose whether it is what you truly want for yourself or whether it's something you want to change. Thanks again. I really appreciate your comment. It has inspired me to look into this further and try harder to be helpful. Now if I can only get myself motivated to start that book. :)

Lynn on May 18, 2014:

Just an FYI -- my reclusive behavior has nothing to do with my parents telling me not now, their busy after tugging at a pant leg. I don't actually remember doing that to be honest. I am still trying to figure out what makes me want to drop out on life and remain there.

Tina on March 09, 2014:

I was a shy child and always socially awkward. As you say, everybody has a story... but not everyone has the courage to share it. The Lord gives me strength to continue, as I've had struggles with eating disorders, depression, and now a thyroid disease. I never feel like I really fit in, which is why I choose to be reclusive; but I am okay with that, because one day I will enter an eternal realm that won't compare to this physical existence. Until then, I will do the best I can with what the Lord blesses me with.

Anand on January 20, 2014:

Hi All,

I also have been a Recluse for about now 18 Years, 8 Months, 16 Days and Twenty Hours. I some how enjoy leading this life as Recluse. I also keep on writing and writing and doing Yoga and Meditation. One of my friend often tells me that it's been a long time already in leading a life of a Recluse. My Publisher is more worried than I'm when it comes to my loneliness.

H Lax (author) on October 11, 2013:

Hi Evelyn, I can relate and I'm so glad you found my article helpful. I, too, have to push myself to get out in the world and sometimes it's just easier to stay in and avoid all the obstacles that life throws at you....but then, I think about that old saying...Good things never come easy but when you work for them and they finally arrive they seem a whole lot sweeter. Just be you! I bet people will respect you and love you for it. Hugs!

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