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Avoid People Who Throw Themselves at You

Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Be Aware of Those Around You

If something is being thrown at you, most likely it is not worth having. Whether it is a "loose" woman or man, a total stranger/random person that takes a hard and fast interest in you that is undesired, an unwanted sales pitch, or a lonely neighbor or coworker that hogs your time, ask yourself if doing as they wish is truly beneficial for you. There are a variety of ways to avoid people who throw themselves at you. Learning how to avoid people that throw themselves at you is an important skill to learn and use. This is not to say that you should live in a bubble however, there truly are some people that can and should be avoided for your own mental and physical peace.

In case they appear to be determined to put themselves in your path so that they can show you how great they are or if they otherwise attempt to force themselves into your life, these actions should serve as red flags warning you that nonsense will ensue. When you realize what is going on is part or all manipulation and calculation, it's important to think about whether or not the person (or offer) could be important to you, your work, or your family.

Once this is taken into account, it is up to you what options you have to remedy or improve the situation. If they are non-factors relative to your job or income sources and are not members of your family, then it's likely that you can maintain your distance from them or tell them you want nothing to do with them. Where family and work is concerned your task requires more finesse but it's not impossible to get the person to back off and respect your wishes.


Trickery and Manipulation Is Often on the Menu With Those Who Throw Themselves at You

Frequently, those who throw themselves at you have little to nothing to offer you and they know upfront that they will have a challenge in winning you over or getting you to do as they would like you to do. For this reason, it's common for them to approach you with some form of disguise or outright lies in hopes of getting what they want from or through contact with you, damned be your needs, feelings, goals and wants. When you avoid people who throw themselves at you, it's much more likely that you can free yourself from needless stress and drama.

Perhaps you notice they suddenly have a variety of imaginary reasons to spend lots of time doing the same things as you or that you're suddenly "bumping" into one another when and where you had never before. They could suddenly become very chatty despite not really appearing to have had any genuine interest if you had prior interactions. Often when you are approached by these types of people, they unintentionally send out nonverbal clues to your B.S. radar saying there is something not to be trusted about them. Many times your B.S. radar is correct and listening to it could save you some time, energy, or grief.

Sometimes these types of people take a romantic or sexual interest in you. Usually, letting them know that you aren't interested does the trick but there are some of them that believe they can or simply must make you change your mind. In the setting of your workplace it may not always be a romantic or sexual interest that makes you an attractive mark. You could find that a coworker takes a very strong interest in learning more about your work related ideas or things that you have accomplished or those that you plan to accomplish for the company.

Beware, they could want a relationship even if you don't or they could be taking that keen interest only to pass your ideas and efforts off as their own. There are also those that attempt to trip you up due to their own insecurities about their job or your competition for potential promotions. These types are difficult to work with, but the sooner you find out the more likely you will be able to take precautions of your choice to lessen or eliminate damage to your career and reputation.


Just One of My Bad Experiences

Coming and going from your home or apartment should be a reasonably mundane task but there are some of us who have had or have exceedingly bothersome neighbors. Some neighbors make it their business to know yours even when their questions and intrusions are clearly out of bounds and unwanted. Experiencing this displeasure showed me how much I am willing to take and what I will absolutely not put up with.

I have experienced a couple of neighbors who were so disrespectful that fellow neighbors would alternately cuss them out or ignore them. Their apartment was next to the only entrance/exit to the building and there were 12 apartments in the building. People could not pass them or simply get some fresh air outside without being asked probing questions or being pulled into long conversations they didn't want any part of. The man made a point of it to attempt turning any passerby into an unpaid shrink and his "girlfriend" always begged people for things such as car rides, money, cigarettes, food, and invited herself to neighbors' apartments even when they clearly hated her. Because she did not work, she had lots of time to spare. They would actually come running outside if they weren't already out every time anyone passed their apartment doors or windows. Even in rain and snow.

The lady asked extremely probing questions of neighbors and strangers despite their distinct standoffish body language or them actually telling her they didn't want to speak to her. I eventually had to scold this woman who is decades my senior, because she was an intrusive user and very offensive. If there was one more incident from her I too may have joined the ranks of those neighbors cussing her out every couple days or so. I thought all this was absolutely nuts but I saw that she truly deserved it each time I witnessed it.

Once she actually told a pregnant lady she was getting fat when we were walking from our apartments to our cars. The lady had not said a word to her and was just trying to go about her business and get to her car in peace yet the nosy begging neighbor wouldn't let her pass in peace. The cussing from that pregnant woman was amongst the worst I've ever heard but I can't say I blame her at all. With that tongue lashing from the pregnant lady it was revealed that the old woman was a drug user and the "boyfriend" was nothing more than a lonely enabler further isolated because his drug user girlfriend was upsetting everyone in the building and no one wanted to be around either of them!

Other people have neighbors whom they catch looking into their homes, asking how much money they make, who is coming to their home, why they have certain visitors, why they have spouses, relatives, and friends that are different races/ethnicities, etc. The list of potential offenses is endless but common sense and consideration are becoming increasingly uncommon and some people repeatedly ask probing questions and refuse to pay attention to other people's privacy, spoken words, or body language. If you encounter these types regularly, avoiding these people who throw themselves at you may be useful to lessen your stress levels and reclaim your time and privacy.

Particularly if you share walls or floors with the offender in an apartment, townhouse, or condo building, how you handle these types of offenses is very important. It's always best to attempt at least one or two honest and tactful discussions about your boundaries and what is causing you stress or inconvenience. Any adult that truly gives a hoot will hear you out and make an effort. Those that don't can and should suffer a taste of their own medicine or be ignored in my humble opinion.

Angel? Not likely.

Angel? Not likely.

Pay Attention to Your BS radar

There is nothing written in stone about how to handle these types but I'd be willing to bet money that you will experience needless stress and inconvenience if you get entangled with them or allow them to infuse themselves into your life. When I was a young girl, I had it drilled into my head by a variety of people that I must be nice, cordial, and never offend others. I became a people pleaser for many years, even to my own detriment at times. I realized that I do have the right and responsibility to be assertive and speak up and let my boundaries be known so they can be adhered to.

As I've grown, I've grown tired of those who offend or force themselves onto other people or into their lives. Sometimes I experience this because of the way I look, my relationships with other people, or because someone assumes I will give them money. I'm certain that everyone already has or will encounter people that attempt to stick to them like glue until they get whatever it is they want. Often you can avoid people that throw themselves at you by paying attention to your B.S. radar.

There is already much stress in life and it's best to make as much good stress from as many positive things as you possibly can. Anticipation of getting your Bachelor's, Master's, or PhD. Excitement from a new business venture, a new job, wedding date, a vacation, a new baby, celebrating a birthday, etc. No one needs negative inconveniences or stressful interactions at the hands of someone else's selfish and disrespectful behavior. It is more than unpleasant to be around people that choose to ask probing questions, make incorrect assumptions, attempt to ride your coat tails, or steal your work/ideas to pass them off as their own. Do not waste your time around these types because they are leeches and you should never be their host.

Read More From Pairedlife

If you don't like them or their approach, tell them so in a tactful manner as soon as possible. If other things and people are more important to you, focus on them whenever possible. When those desperate for your attention get none, they will vanish. Some have thicker skulls than others and will take longer to catch your drift, but pay little to no attention to them and they will fade away. Others may be borderline or actual stalkers and you may even need to get police involved. I can say from years of painful personal experience that "being nice" as in not taking action to protect myself, my interests, or to express my boundaries has usually brought me more stress and nonsense than being tactfully honest at the first offense. So if you are a people pleaser, drop that mindset or at least dial it back a bit and get more assertive or you will find you have more stress when/if you interact with these types of people whether in the family, at work, or elsewhere.

Several Definitions of the Word "User"


H C Palting (author) from East Coast on January 13, 2019:

I agree and hope that more parents will take time to educate their children about these types of people and situations that they may be able to avoid completely.

Daina M on January 02, 2019:

I was ecstatic that you recommend a no-nonsense, tough approach to these types of people and using your B.S. detector. So many sources say "speak kindly" or "ask nicely" once or twice and if this doesn't work, sit them down...blah blah. But as soon as you do this even ONE time to these types it's like chumming a shark. Once they smell blood they'll keep circling and getting rid of them will cause you twice the stress.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on April 05, 2016:

Thank you Lachicalamode. I think a lot of folks feel that way about me as well, despite me often doing things out of sheer courtesy, they take that inch and demand a mile. Good for you in maintaining your boundaries and peace!

lechicalamode on April 03, 2016:

Excellent!! I recently met a family at my local church. Upon 1st interaction the father kept saying, "We met for a reason." My gut was screaming, "WTH bruh settle down!" It sounded so rehearsed and manipulative. I thought I was being paranoid and gave the family my cell #. Long story short, I ended up going off on that man. I demanded him to back off. He kept sending me constant texts and ringing my phone off the hook. This man was married with three teenage boys. I dont know what the motive was but I definitely had no intentions of finding out!! I can relate on the looks part. I am 4'11" and small built. I look younger than my actual age (34). I have been told I look docile. The type that appears easy to control. Which is the TOTAL opposite of what I truly am. Lol. Once again excellent article.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on March 05, 2015:

I must agree with you k. When people who are happy, positive and successful interact with strangers, there can often be a quick and polite introduction or perhaps a quick comment to make you laugh, no throwing of themselves at others in any way shape or form such as asking personal information, following you, suddenly showing up in all the places that you go, trying to get you alone, creating reasons to be near or with you, etc.

k on March 03, 2015:


Not true. Men throw themselves at me all the time. I am not flattered. I want to be left in peace. Most don't take no for an answer nor will they take hints..and so I have to draw very clear sharp boundaries.

I agree with original poster to nip problematic people in the bud...As soon as you sense a mettlesome intruder, set a firm boundary and don't relent.

Yes, the ones who throw themselves at you are losers. People who have anything going for themselves don't act this way.

Being nice to them and indulging draining and time consuming.

Just say no instead of hello!

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on August 18, 2014:

I agree that some men and women act in these negative ways. However, playing games, being opportunistic, being a gold digger, user, abuser, clingy, desperate, or needy type are characteristics that are not limited to one sex. Keep your eyes open and most importantly listen to your BS radar/your instincts my friend.

LR on August 17, 2014:

Men are socially conditioned to be desperate, needy, eager, and clingy while women are socially conditioned not to show open interest in men. Women are socially conditioned to play mind games with men by pretending to be interested in them, playing hard to get, making them jealous, and then disappearing from them along with being feminine and attractive.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on August 08, 2014:

I agree with you LR in that there are men who throw themselves at women in relationships and vice versa. I am a woman who does not like aggressive or disrespectful men approaching me. If a man cannot politely introduce himself to me or respect the fact that I am in a relationship, I definitely have no interest. You would not believe the number of guys I have had doing illogical, disrespectful and irritating things to get my attention. Note that I use the words man and guys in completely different contexts.

When men and people in general are screaming for my attention needlessly, I don't give them any mostly due to scenarios I describe in this hub. Usually they leave me alone but I have had two act like stalkers, one of which was such an unaware idiot he followed me right to a nearby police station and sped off when he realized where I led him. I didn't even have to lift a finger to call them or get out of my car.

LR on August 07, 2014:

Well, men throw themselves at women a lot because it's socially acceptable for them to do so. We see men throw themselves at cheating married women or women in relationships. Men are the pursuers and the ones trying to draw attention to themselves as well as thinking highly of themselves. Now that's men throwing themselves at women. It's acceptable and women are usually flattered by it.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on July 04, 2014:

Unfortunately, this reality can easily be seen on a daily basis. Thanks so much for reading.

urstrulee from Midwest USA on July 04, 2014:

It is so true that common sense just isn't very common nowadays...sad.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on February 25, 2013:

You are very right Buddhaanalysis! When you treat them in the exact same (inconsiderate) manner that they treat you, some of them act as if they have lost their minds. They fee justified in treating other in an ill way yet they believe they are above it. Some get the point with a tactful discussion and others don't.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on February 25, 2013:

Thanks TorriLynn. I used to be so nice to people even those that I truly could not help or simply did not like all because it was something that was taught to me. As I've grown older I've learned the hard way that not everyone has your best interests at heart.

buddhaanalysis on February 24, 2013:

Nice article.The best thing is to talk minimum to avoid such things.

Some people try to so smart and try to dominate us then i give same treatment to them then they get shock treatment but do it tactfully without being angry.

torrilynn on February 24, 2013:

hi express10,

i love the fact that you have written this hub for people to ward off other people that they are not interested in. nice tips and techniques. will be using them in the future. thanks and voted up.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on February 24, 2013:

This is what I ended up doing after I had to scold a woman that I thought knew better than to do these types of things. I was stunned by the fact that she was old enough to be my mom but acting absolutely crazy each time I saw her. The simple courtesy of hello that came from me eventually turned into silence and prayers that they'd let me pass without bothering me. I'm so glad I moved.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on February 24, 2013:

It does not sound silly at all, I did the exact same thing and in every single instance that I looked and saw they weren't out, one or both of them still ran outside once I got near their apartment :(

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on February 24, 2013:

Thanks a lot. This isn't something that is often talked about and it's very uncomfortable when people attempt to cling to you for whatever reason. I too was pretty much a doormat but as I've grown, I've learned putting so much emphasis on being nice to others and giving them the benefit of the doubt doesn't benefit me and sometimes puts me in jeopardy.

Marie Hurt from New Orleans, LA on February 24, 2013:

I also have had a problem with a nosy neighbor who is always up in everyones' business and trying to carry on long conversations. I feel like I have to just ignore and not even say hi in order for her not to talk to me and ask me a bunch of questions.

lovedoctor926 on February 24, 2013:

Awesome hub! I have the same problem with nosy neighbors. They want to know everything. I know it sounds silly, but I usually look out the window before leaving my house although the nosiest one of my neighbors lives right next door so she has a tendency to arrive right at the same time that I'm leaving. It never fails! As far as love, you can't persuade someone to love you or feel something that they don't. It works the same way with people in general. Someone who doesn't like you will probably never like or accept you for who you are because they have formed their own opinions about you & that's never going to change. Some people try too hard.

Tammy from North Carolina on February 24, 2013:

This is so true. I think to some extent, this lesson should be included in parenting. When I was young and naïve I was an overly nice doormat. I learned about these people the hard way. Today, I listen to my BS detector. Very interesting hub!

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on February 13, 2013:

That woman had many issues and I found out from the pregnant neighbor that cussed her out and a married couple in the building that drug use was one of her issues. My boyfriend got so tired of her begging for money and asking him how much he makes that he mentioned her drug use one day. He said her whole demeanor immediately changed and she got extremely angry apparently because he touched a nerve. She left him alone after that.

Elena from London, UK on February 13, 2013:

Very interesting read. That woman you mentioned could have an underlying psychological issue. Maybe deep down she wants acceptance and is looking for friends - but going about it the wrong way.

Thanks for sharing.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on January 29, 2013:

Have you ever noticed that some actually get very angry when you try to avoid or ignore them? I find that reaction all the more reason to steer clear.

Michelle Dee from Charlotte, NC on January 29, 2013:

These are the same dim-witted Losers that always try to make a bunch of noise to draw attention to themselves, whether it’s loud talking or coughing etc…they are trying to draw attention to themselves and it just proves they are Losers and not worth the time.

People who are quality and worth the time don’t have to draw attention to themselves with noise and they don’t have to throw themselves at anyone. These Smucks just need to make themselves disappear!!

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on January 27, 2013:

Sometimes people throw themselves at you at the strangest of times and places. Often you can feel the negativity and intrusions zapping your energy and sanity until you take action. Thanks so much for reading.

Tonette Fornillos from The City of Generals on January 27, 2013:

A very helpful read, thank you. I understand the feeling. It seems that the more we try freeing ourselves from their "traps" without having them feel bad of our actions, the more negative energy we are absorbing. I agree with telling them so in a tactful manner... else, there's no way out as there's so many of them around. My votes up and sharing. Blessings always.-Tonette

Michelle Dee from Charlotte, NC on January 26, 2013:

Me too, it's really annoying when they just don't go away even when you brush them off.

H C Palting (author) from East Coast on January 26, 2013:

Thanks so much for reading Efficient Admin. These types have a tendency to bring you down. I'm finding that I have little patience for them. I would much rather spend time with family, friends, or be by myself than spend time with people like this.

Michelle Dee from Charlotte, NC on January 26, 2013:

I have found this to be so true, that those who throw themselves at you and try to bring attention to themselves, even when you ignore them and don't show interest, are most likely not worth the effort and are just no good. It's so annoying when people think more highly of themselves than they ought to.

There are so many people out there that really need to get a life. Interesting hub, voted up.

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