How to Get Rid of the Manipulators In Your Life
If you feel that some of the people in your life are trying to take control of it, you are right! Manipulators are everywhere!
We all find ourselves having to deal with them at one time or another, but they can only gain a foothold in our lives if we allow them to do so.
Putting a stop to their toxic behaviors or eliminating them completely from your life are the only two ways to free yourself from them, but doing so can have consequences you may not want to deal with
For this reason many people tolerate manipulators.
However, that the longer you let them play their games, the more they will play them and the more miserable you become.
You cannot be happy if you are allowing yourself to consistently bend to the wishes of another person or group, especially if this happens in situations that go against your own values.
Manipulation Comes in Many Forms
Manipulation comes in many forms.
- Some are so minor that we rarely even recognize them for what they are, such as when a friend tells us they don't think a certain color looks good on us.
- Others so common that we just take them for granted, such as when advertisers tell us things about products that we know cannot possibly be true.
- Several are so blatant that we find ourselves forced to deal with them, such as when a mechanic tells us there is something wrong with our car that we know cannot be the case.
The big problem with allowing people to control us is that doing so destroys our feelings of self worth and builds resentment and anger within us that can eventually ruin our physical or mental health.
Once you understand the consequences, dealing with this problem becomes much easier.
Manipulation Causes Unhealthy Relationships
All of us are taught from an early age that maintaining relationships is important, but what we are not taught is that relationships must be healthy in order to be worthwhile.
When they're not, we spend parts of our lives trying to please the manipulators in our lives.
As a result, we end up saying and doing things that are just the opposite of what we feel are right in terms of our own value systems.
In so doing we imprison ourselves in difficult situations that bring many problems our way.
To free ourselves, we need to identify our manipulators and deal with them appropriately.
How to Spot a Manipulator
The best way to spot a manipulator is for you to ask yourself whether you are comfortable bending to demands a person or group makes that give you a feeling of subtle or overt discomfort.
Feeling that you must send a Christmas Card to someone you would not normally include in your list because they sent one to you or being subjected to ultimatums are sure signs that someone is trying to control your behavior.
People who spend too much time "getting in your business" or use guilt as a motivator are clearly using manipulative tactics.
You can spot these types of situations easily if you just take the time to pay attention to them. Once you see them for what they are, you can then to what is necessary to eliminate them.
How to Deal With Manipulators
If you truly want to find some peace and happiness in your life, there are several things you can do to deal with those who have been taking advantage of you.
- Identify the manipulators in your life.
- Choose the ones who are causing you the greatest amount of grief.
- Understand that they are well aware of what they have been doing and obviously do not care.
- Be prepared to walk away from those relationships.
- Do not waiver. Once you decide, make sure you consistently follow through with what you tell them.
- Contact each person and tell him or her (or them) that you will no longer be available to do the things for them that you have done in the past.
- Understand that they will keep asking, and make it a point to say “No” each time they do ask until they finally stop!
People will tell you that saying "No" is selfish and will use guilt to keep you under their control, but this is just a ruse meant to feed their own egos.
Those trying to control your behaviors do not deserve your support, love or friendship. You need to be in control of your own life, not them!
Saying "No" is the best way to achieve this goal.
- I have a friend who recently joined the Board of Directors at our condominium community. Since the new President took office, she has been contacting her several times a day in an effort to "find things for her to do".
- She never says "please", or "would you like to" or "I could really use your help". Instead, she makes demands, probes and pushes, which makes my friend very uncomfortable.
- My friend works, and while willing to help out, does not have a lot of time. Furthermore, the job is a volunteer position, so she should be able to choose the tasks she wishes to do.
- The President has her upset all the time, but this is only because my friend is allowing her to do so.
The answer clearly is to simply stop responding to her and stop feeling as though she needs to provide excuses. Until she does this, the harassment and attempts at behavior control will continue.
Since my friend is a person who likes to make people happy, seems unable to do this.
The Bottom Line
If you want to get rid of the manipulators in your life, you need to learn how to stand up for yourself in ways that are both healthy and productive.
Remember that if you kill yourself taking care of the needs of other people, you'll die, but they'll still be alive and will find someone else to manipulate.
You are worth more than that!
Take the time to watch the attached video. Then ask yourself whether you are being controlled in some way by others.
You probably are!
If so, now is the time to put a stop to it and become a stronger, healthier and more independent person.
Do you think you are being manipulated by other people?
© 2016 Dreamworker