How Do You Reply Someone to Who Is Always Criticizing You?
When you hear the word “criticism”, you probably think of someone you know. It can be someone from work, your neighbor, or a roommate, for example. Or, maybe, you think of yourself. Good news is, if you see yourself as a difficult person, you are already on your way to becoming an “easier“ one. Difficult people are seldom aware of their flaws.
So, how should we deal with critical people? Can we filter them, should we avoid them? If everyone starts doing that, maybe they will think about their behavior and change.
Well, there will always be that someone who gets into their game and accepts them. What if we can't ignore them? What if we depend on them and have to work with these people? Different people are difficult in a different way. Some of them are openly aggressive and intrusive, while others are concealed. There are people who always criticize. Can we change them? A realistic answer would be: not really. People only change because they want to, not because they have to.
Critical people generally know how to spot problems, but they do not know how to resolve them constructively. Their life position is "I'm OK, you're not." By expressing their anger, rage or contempt, they prove their sense of superiority and power. With their non-constructive criticism, they often cause conflicts. They often have an excessively stiff attitude towards rules and justice. In their own eyes, they are "freedom fighters." When they have "power" as parents, teachers, managers, they usually restrain other people with their control and discourage them. Why do they react like this? They are trying to create a positive image of themselves. Trying to overcome a sense of inferiority and occupy a superior position. They strive for perfectionism. They feel their power, but in the end, long-term feelings of frustration usually increase.
What’s interesting is that they expect us to enter into a conflict. So, people need to show them attention and listen. But in the same time, try not to agree with them. If you do, you are getting into trouble. Give constructive solutions and show them kindness. You’ve probably thought about it – if someone is that critical to others, chances are they treat themselves the same way.
Unsuccessful people take criticism too personally and fail to take measures based on what they’ve just heard. On the other hand, people who are successful understand that criticism, good or bad, is the key to their progress. They also improve. Criticism hurts and it is not easy to remain unharmed. It usually wakes your defense mechanisms up. It can be intentional and accidental, malicious and constructive. Don’t pay attention to malicious criticism because it is just an indicator that our critic is either angry or jealous of us. But, in any case, we need to learn how to handle it.
First, you need to take a look at the person’s intentions: what message does he or she really want to send out and how this message is actually expressed. Sometimes, critical people’s comments may sound way too negative. You need to answer some questions yourself: is that person trying to be malicious or has good intentions? If it’s case 1, ignore! You don’t need to invest time or energy in this. But if you see he or she is well-intended, try to identify the underlying message. Think about criticism in the context of your goals. Which part of it is actually relevant to you? Dismiss the rest. Be polite and let that person know you appreciate the feedback. If we are focused on criticism, we will be more dependent on our issues and faults. But if we concentrate on our strength, we will really understand our true power.