150 Funny and Witty Answers to the Question "How Are You?"
Hello, how are you?
You see, it actually is easy to answer that question with a simple “I’m fine, thank you.” However, humans are very complex creatures. Sometimes, they say one thing but actually mean another thing. And the simple greeting “How are you?” is not among those spared from all the human trivialities!
Some people would say “How are you?” as a basic passing greeting. Some, they would expect more! In reality, “How are you?” is more than just a simple question—it’s also an excellent conversation starter! It is a question that can open doorways to an infinite number of realities. You do realize I’m exaggerating, right? But seriously, this question—in one way or another—often leads to many other questions as well as messages that keep the conversation going.
Now that I’ve got the point across, let me show you the way. Let’s face it, generic replies like “I’m fine, thank you” may have been proven effective in the past, but they don’t lead anywhere anymore. Right now, they’re boring and they have become notorious conversation killers.
If you’re the kind of person who’s fed up with the old, so-so, half-hearted replies, then this list is for you! Just pick up any of the responses here and try to bring a fresh breath of air to your mundane conversations with other people. Who knows, you might just be able to lead a conversation to something you never would have imagined in your life.
1. Somewhere between better and best.
2. All the better now that you asked.
3. I'm still sucking air.
4. I love you. (This is a good response to catch them off-guard and fluster them.)
5. I feel much better now that you are with me.
7. I am as happy as a tick on a big, fat dog.
8. Somewhere between blah and meh.
9. Armed and ready!
10. My lawyer says I don’t have to answer that question.
13. Better than nothing.
14. Well, I'm still alive.
15. “Could be better," then pause and continue with "Could be worse."
16. Like you, but better.
17. I could really go for a massage.
18. They told me you would ask me that.
19. Do you really care?
20. I’m all set up for the end of the world.
22. I was fine until you asked.
23. If I were doing any better, I'd have to hire you to enjoy it with me.
24. As fine as the maiden’s flaxen hair.
25. Oh stop it, you. (Say it like you’re receiving a compliment even though you are actually not. LOL)
26. Overworked and underpaid.
27. Nothing much. (This is one of the most basic reply. It is very overused that it comes across as really funny whenever you hear it.)
28. I don't know, you tell me. How am I right now?
29. Navigating through the twists and turns of life. I hope yours is a straight road.
30. Can't complain. Nobody listens to me anyway.
31. Good enough. (This one will definitely keep them guessing.)
32. I’ll let you know when I figure it all out.
33. If I were any better, I'd be you.
34. Quite how, thank you. (This makes no sense, but funny.)
35. Not so well, does it bother you?
36. Nice and dandy like cotton candy. (Dandy rhymes with cotton candy!)
37. Do you want an honest answer or the answer you were expecting?
38. Hunting some dragons, you?
39. Average. Not terrific, not terrible, just average.
40. If I were any better, I'd be illegal.
41. So far, so good!
42. How dare you! (If you don’t have an immediate reply in mind, just say this automatically. LOL)
43. I'm vertical and breathing.
44. I’m better now that I'm talking to you.
45. Well, I haven't had my morning coffee yet and no one has gotten hurt, so I'd say "pretty good" at this point in time.
46. Different day. Same existence.
47. Trying to get on with life. Thanks. What about you?
48. I have been doing well. However, that is unless the weather has different plans in store.
49. Maybe one day you'll be lucky enough to find out.
50. Trying not to burst into tears. I get an “A” for effort, right?
51. I have no way of knowing.
52. Yes. (Woah there, it looks like you weren’t paying attention.)
53. Living a dream. Please don't wake me up.
54. *speaks gibberish*
55. Your attempt at social interaction is hereby acknowledged.
57. Happy and content, thank you.
58. Just hug me and leave it at that.
59. Compared to who?
60. Well enough to chat with you if you wish to.
61. Going is great. Hope this status quo persists for rest of the day.
62.Do I have to answer?
63. Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Socioeconomically? Financially? I'm not sure how to answer that!?!
64. Strange, and getting stranger.
65.Not so good, but I plan on lying at my press conference.
66. If I had a tail, I would wag it.
67. I've heard various opinions, what's yours?"
68.How am I...what?
69. Thank you for asking, though you can judge yourself.
70. Why do you ask, are you a doctor?
71. Word on the street is that I'm really good.
72. My psychiatrist told me not to discuss it with strangers.
73. Rolling with the punches.
74. Medium Well. (What are you, a steak?)
75. All right so far, but there's still time for everything to go horribly wrong. (Ah, the forever pessimist.)
76. I'm sure you have that information on your screen.
77. Will you give me money if I tell you?
78. Doing good unless you have an air borne disease and infect me with some pathogens.
79. I'm pretty standard right now.
80. I can't complain! It's against the Company Policy.
81. I'm better than I was, but not nearly as good as I'm going to be.
82. I think I'm doing OK. How do you think I'm doing?
83. I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.
84. Living the dream!
85. WHY!? WHAT ARE THEY SAYING ABOUT ME? (Hahaha! Way to act suspicious of everything!)
86. I'm taking over the world.
87. Well, there’s plenty of room for improvement!
88. Doing good unless you have intentions of shooting me.
89. Better than some, not as good as others.
90.I promised myself I would kill the next person who asked me that question, but I like you so I will let you live.
91. Incredibly handsome (or beautiful).
92."I'm doing really well" then pause and say "Of course, that could be my anti-depressants prescription talking."
93. I am blessed!
94. Way better than I deserve!
95. Oh, you know... every day is better than the next.
96. Shhh...It's too early to tell.
97. I dunno...is it Friday yet?
98.I don’t feel that great but my hair looks awesome, right?
99. I have a pulse. Therefore, I must be OK.
100. Not today, Satan!
101. In order to answer the question, I need to take you back about 10 years. Do you have a moment?
102. Living a life of denial and suppressed rage.
103. Slowly but surely dying.
104. Fair to partly cloudy.
105. "Hey look over there!" *punches person quick in the throat* (Remember kids, do not try this at home.)
107. Well, I've got this rash on my left butt... (Way to make the conversation a bit awkward!)
108. Not bad. Could be better. Could be payday.
109. I'm better on the inside than I look on the outside
110. Okay. I'd be better if you asked me out.
111. Okay, since my name wasn't in today's obituaries, that means...
112. Oh terrible, but I'm used to it. (I feel you, friend.)
113. What's with all the questions? You a cop?
114. As opposed to what?
115. Sunshine all day long!
116. You go first so we can compare.
117. I'm not sure yet.
118. Living the dream but half the time it's a nightmare.
119. Not quite there yet. (Where is there?)
120. Dangerously close to fabulous.
121. You're lookin' at it.
122. Real terrible, thanks for asking.
123. I am high quality.
124. The doctor said I'd live.
125. Great, stellar, fantastic, but dead inside.
126. I’m trying really hard to avoid ambiguous questions at the moment.
127. Wondering how you are.
128. How do you think I am?
129. I’ll leave that up to your imagination.
131. Do you want the short version, or the long version?
132. I would be lying if I said I’m fine.
133. I’m pretty sure I am not obligated to tell you.
134. I’m ready for a nap. (I’m sure you do.)
135. I’m surviving, I guess.
136. Not as good as you.
137. Holy sh*t, you can see me?! (This never fails in bringing on the chuckles.)
138. In need of some peace and quiet.
139. Under renovation.
140. Remembering to stay patient.
141. I'm sober! (Congratulations!)
142. On a scale of one to punching someone in the face.
143. I'm keeping up with dancing to the rhythm of life.
144. Imagining myself having a fabulous vacation.
145. Horrible now that I've met you.
146. You do not want to know.
147. *just stare*
148. That is a really wonderful question. Ummm...
149. Happy and you know it. *clap your hands*
150. Next question, please.