100+ Funny and Witty Answers to "Did You Miss Me?"

Updated on February 1, 2019
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Funny and Witty Answers to "Did You Miss Me?"
Funny and Witty Answers to "Did You Miss Me?" | Source

“Did you miss me?”

This is a question that always catches people off guard! Most of the time, the answer "yes" just doesn’t cut it. Thus, it’s imperative to learn some alternative responses.

As luck would have it, the question at hand is not too difficult to counter. It can be easily answered with a funny reply, a sarcastic response, a witty comeback, or a flirty wisecrack, so long as it fits the context of your ticklish situation. I’ve listed some response ideas here, ready for you to use, so the rest is up to you!

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Funny Replies to “Did You Miss Me?”

  • Well, nope. Every time I step on poop, it reminds me of you.
  • Not today, Satan!
  • Woah, I thought you were dead!
  • Who are you again?
  • How’d you know I tried to throw that egg at you?
  • There’s only one way to know for sure, can you leave again?
  • Hahahahahahahahaha!!
  • Eh, maybe 5%.
  • Why? Where did you go?
  • Did you bring the cash? Nope? Come back when you have it!
  • I never forget a face, but in your case, I made an exception.
  • If you’ve come home empty-handed, then no.
  • Me? Missed you? Hahahaha! You’re cracking me up!
  • Stop joking. You've never even left.
  • Crap! I knew I forgot something!
  • I did. Now, out with the gift!
  • Woah, so you’re not the ghost that’s been haunting me?!
  • Look at my tail. It’s wagging in delight!
  • No, but you definitely missed something. I’m not telling you what it is. *chuckles*
  • No, but my dog missed you a lot. Here *insert name of your dog here*, bite!
  • Woah, speak of the devil.
  • Ain’t nobody got time for that!
  • I see you survived the zombie apocalypse.

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Witty Comebacks

  • Like a squirrel misses her acorns and nuts.
  • Like a dog misses its bone.
  • With every bullet so far.
  • With every arrow so far.
  • Now that you’re here, it’s time for me to leave.
  • Oh, hide! I told the folks that you stole something before you left.
  • I sure did. My aim is so bad.
  • Darn it! Not you again.
  • If you give me some money, I'll say yes.
  • Like a charmer misses his/her snake.
  • Ooooh, I forgot you existed.
  • Once you're permanently gone, I'm sure I will. *insert macabre laugh here*
  • Yeah, this damned pistol always keeps on jamming.
  • Say, I'd rather you had stayed there. But, it’s nice to have you back.
  • Like a gypsy misses her musical instrument.
  • Why? Did you go anywhere?
  • Oh, while you were gone, various strange rumors about you spread like wildfire. Do you want to know?
  • I just saw you on TV. What channel? Animal Planet!
  • No, the bullet didn’t miss. Oh my god, you’re bleeding!
  • My wallet did. Now, put something in it.
  • Like a mouse misses its cheese.
  • Wait...you left?
  • I was just about to offer some prayers in your memory.
  • Hmmm...you look familiar.
  • Surely. Now that you’re here, all the housework is going to be a lot easier. You can start by cleaning the toilet.
  • So, how was jail?
  • Those dirty dishes in the sink misses you. Why not start with them?
  • Didn’t the aliens abduct you?

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Sarcastic Responses to “Did You Miss Me?”

  • I don’t care about you.
  • I miss the old you, the new one sucks!
  • Yes, like a headache.
  • I didn’t know you were a bus.
  • Like a feminist misses the 50s.
  • Like Russia misses Stalin.
  • Like the employees miss their boss. They don’t.
  • I believe that’s none of my business.
  • I always have a good night sleep when you’re not here.
  • I was happy, then you came back.
  • Please make your self scarce.
  • You don’t belong here.
  • Leave me alone!
  • I always have fun when I’m not with you.
  • Did I miss you? How about no?
  • If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.
  • Not your ugly face.
  • No.
  • My middle finger missed you so much!
  • Yeah. As a matter of fact, my middle finger is standing in salute before your presence.
  • You wish!
  • Darn it, fun’s over!
  • No, what do you need?
  • Dream on!
  • Did you want me to miss you?
  • I don’t have money, so scram!
  • I’m calling the cops.
  • Sorry, you weren’t in my priority list.
  • Oh gosh, I was about to visit your grave.
  • I feel so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here.
  • As a matter of fact, I’m not done missing you yet. So, could you disappear for a bit longer?
  • You serious? I just saw you like an hour ago!
  • Even the dog doesn’t miss you.
  • Sorry, I’m not interested.

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Flirty Answers

  • No, but I missed your d***!
  • If I say yes, would I get a kiss?
  • Why are you so addictive?
  • Why? Did you leave my mind even fora second?
  • No, because you are always in my heart.
  • *misunderstands the question as a proposal* I do!
  • Every day without you felt like a year.
  • Are you here to take my hand?
  • I was just going to hop in the shower. Care to join me?
  • At least twice as you missed me.
  • Promise me that you won’t leave again. You can live in my heart for free.
  • Your absence made me really thirsty, if you know what I mean.
  • I did miss your melons.
  • Stop flirting with me, and off with your clothes!
  • Looking forward to cuddling with you later.
  • Yup, life wasn’t the same without you.
  • Why? Is my nipple standing?
  • Now, my world can start moving again.
  • I missed your smile.
  • Yes. In fact, I want to smother you with kisses right now.
  • Not really, because you are always in my inappropriate thoughts.
  • Am I making it look too obvious? Oops, my drool just dripped.
  • Trust me, I never realized that days would be so long without you.
  • Come, let’s talk about that in bed.
  • Now that you’re here, it’s sexy time!

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Various Spur-of-the-Moment Replies

  • K bye.
  • Oh, you were still alive?
  • Sorry, you’ve got the wrong person.
  • Yes, I miss you. No, it doesn't mean I want you back.
  • You’ll know when I see you!
  • I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it
  • I missed you about as much as you missed me.
  • You give meaning to my life, so yeah.
  • I guess so.
  • I'll answer after you give me your answer.
  • A little bit.
  • So much!
  • I missed you, not!
  • Are you trying to flirt with me?
  • Not nearly as much as you missed me, I'm sure.
  • Where’s my souvenir?!
  • A lot!
  • Definitely! We have a lot of catching up to do!
  • Alright, where are you going to treat me?
  • Who doesn’t?
  • Come here, give me a hug!
  • I thought you’d be gone forever.
  • Now that you’re here, let’s party!
  • Missed what?
  • Pardon me, but that doesn’t apply to me.

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