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150+ Funny and Sarcastic Answers to "How Old Are You?"

Cheeky Kid is a cybernaut who spends a lot of time browsing the web, grasping infinite information, and reveling in entertainment and fun.

So, how old ARE you? Next time you get asked that question, try one of these funny responses.

So, how old ARE you? Next time you get asked that question, try one of these funny responses.

Witty Comebacks to Questions About Your Age

"How old are you?" This ancient question never gets old! People do, but not this question. As such, we humans have come up with various answers and reactions in response to this dreaded question.

Many tell the truth. Some deny it. And the others—they try to be funny, sarcastic, rude, or clever!

Now, you just have to pick your poison. Being honest is ideal. But, if you don’t want to give a boring answer to the same old boring question, then use this list as an idea machine for your age-related answers!

“How Old Are You?” Answers

  • Old enough to know better, but still too young to care.
  • How old do you think I am?
  • Age is just a number.
  • I have no idea.
  • It doesn’t matter how old I am!
  • That’s a personal question!
  • It’s rude to ask people their age!
  • Older than I look.
  • Younger than I look.
  • Thank you for that wonderful question!
  • It’s a secret.
  • As old as you want me to be, honey.
  • I’m older than I have ever been.
  • You know, age doesn’t matter.
  • Take a guess!
  • Yes!
  • I’m perfectly legal, are you?
  • I’m at the age that will make you respect me.
  • You see, I don’t really believe in age or numbers.
  • Umm . . . like most people my age.
  • If the secret of my age comes out, it might be used against me. I’ve had more enemies who have known my age than those who haven’t.
  • How do you expect me, of all people on Earth, to know my age?
  • Are you flirting with me right now?
  • Who the heck keeps track of their age?! I don’t.
  • It’s a trade secret.
  • What’s it to you?
  • I’m old enough to give advice, but not old enough to take it.
  • Not old enough, I guess.
  • I’d rather be a teenager forever!
  • Are you hitting on me right now?
  • Why in the world do you want to know?
  • That’s a ridiculous question!
  • I’m at an age that I’ve never been ready for.
  • Before I answer that, you need to provide some context.
  • Old enough to be doing whatever I’m doing right now.
  • Long story short, I’ve tried adulthood, and I’m done with it!
  • I’m at an age that I’ve never had any interest in being.
  • Does it matter?
  • I do not want to disclose it. There are far too many ramifications to making my age known to the world.
  • Sorry, can you say that one more time?
"I'm perfectly legal, are you?"

"I'm perfectly legal, are you?"

Funny Responses to “How Old Are You?”

  • Oh dear, I’ve lost count!
  • A lady never tells.
  • I’m not.
  • Old enough to be your daddy/mommy.
  • I remember pooping without a smartphone.
  • I feel like I’m having a heart attack!
  • I’m between zero and death!
  • The last person who asked me that is still in the hospital.
  • That depends. Are we using the '50 is the new 20' rule?
  • What? I can’t hear you! Say that again louder! My hearing is not what it used to be!
  • I’m at the age where I feel alive but dead inside.
  • I’m so old, I forgot my age!
  • Whatever my age is!
  • It’s the same number as your IQ score.
  • Unfortunately, I’m not old enough to be on my deathbed. Sorry.
  • Promise me first that you won’t laugh.
  • That question is giving me a headache.
  • Why, do you need someone to buy you a beer?
  • Age? Is that delicious?
  • *pretends to choke on food or drink*
  • What’s that?
  • Not old at all.
  • Ever closer to death.
  • I get out of the nursing home for one day and you already want to put me back in?!
  • I’ve lost track of how many days old I am.
  • My parents forgot to tell me that. Ah, no! It’s too late now. They’ve forgotten about it, too!
  • Don’t you mean how YOUNG am I?
  • I’m single and ready to mingle, if that’s what you’re asking.
  • Who the heck are you, and why are you in my house?!
"I'm at the age where I feel alive but dead inside."

"I'm at the age where I feel alive but dead inside."

What to Say Instead of Your Actual Age

  • I’m like 300 or something.
  • Legal enough.
  • I’m a million years old!
  • I’m 13 months old.
  • I’m 100 in elf time.
  • Hmm, I’m 8,398 years old!
  • 4.6 billion years old!
  • I’m ageless and timeless.
  • I’m immortal.
  • Rated PG, I guess.
  • Rated M, for sure!
  • I could be nine. I could be 13. I could be infinite. I could be an alien. I could be . . .
  • My IQ is four times my age. Just solve 4x with that piece of information.
  • Today, I feel *insert your preferred age here*.
  • I’m three in dog years.
  • I’m a quart and half a stone.
  • Not a day over 100.
  • I was born in the year of the *insert Chinese zodiac sign here*. Go figure!
  • Let’s just say, I’m fairly young.
  • I feel really young right now.
  • Old enough!
  • I’m forever young!
  • As old as the Earth.
  • I’ve been seen driving, enough said!

Witty Answers to “How Old Are You?”

  • I am ancient. I am infinite.
  • Somewhere between zero and 100.
  • I’m as old as my tongue, but definitely older than my teeth.
  • I’m younger than 100, but older than five.
  • I might as well be a fossil.
  • Who said I got chronologically dated?
  • I’m -123418092891239. Pretty young, if I must say so myself.
  • I’m a day older than I was yesterday.
  • I’m younger than the biblical patriarchs.
  • I know, I don’t look old enough to be so accomplished.
  • In dog years or cat years?
  • I’m younger than my parents, but older than my younger siblings.
  • I don’t know. I don’t count in years, only days. You try to figure it out.
  • Do past lives count?
  • I’m way older than the internet.
  • Age doesn’t matter unless you are cheese or wine.
  • Sorry, I am not looking for a bride/groom.
  • Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted.
  • Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  • I’m old enough to remember the time when the internet had not gone public yet.
  • Well, I still remember being kicked out from heaven.
  • I’m old enough to forget my age.
  • *Insert complicated math equation here to solve for age*
  • Age is just a number. Numbers are infinite, and so are the possible answers to this question.
  • My age changes every second. Therefore, if I gave you a precise answer, I would be lying because it would be an age of the past.
  • As old as the universe! Remember that matter cannot be created or destroyed.
  • I don’t buy into the social construct of chronological age.
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, then it doesn't matter."

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, then it doesn't matter."

Sarcastic Replies to “How Old Are You?”

  • I don’t know. You tell me!
  • Why, are you a cop?
  • I’m too old for this sh*t!
  • Young enough to not care.
  • Old enough to tell you that this is a rude question!
  • I’m offended!
  • Let’s just say, my birthday was last year.
  • Are you serious? You just asked me that question a year ago.
  • I’m old enough to ask wise questions. I’m sure you’re not.
  • Not as old as you!
  • You’re not my type. Buzz off!
  • I’m old enough to know that I don’t need to answer that question.
  • You don’t need to know. I bet you can’t even count that high.
  • I’m younger than your wrinkles show you are.
  • Oh, I’m too young/old for you, so scram!
  • So, you’re gonna judge me by my age? Ugh!
  • Don’t ask.
  • I have no obligation of telling you that.
  • Why, you’re gonna judge me?
  • My personal information is none of your business!
  • I’m old enough to know better than to ask that offensive question.
  • I’m old enough to know that your clothes went out of style ages ago.

Surprising Answers to the Same Old Boring Question

  • Depends on your ‘definition’ of age.
  • Ancient!
  • You go first!
  • I've got 6 grandchildren.
  • Next question, please!
  • What? You don’t know how old you dad/mom is?!
  • I’m not sure, let me call my 25-year-old twin brother/sister and ask.
  • I’ll answer that if you tell me first how much you weigh.
  • I remember having a pet dinosaur.
  • I’m too young that it says ‘you’re going to jail’ on my underwear.
  • Older than your existence.
  • That question is my least favorite.
  • Looks like my anti-wrinkle cream is working!
  • I knew Cerberus when it was still a puppy.
  • If I tell you, I will have to kill you.
  • Well, I did make a pact with the devil.
  • Doesn’t matter. You and me could never work.
  • Old enough to know you’re in trouble.
  • I had no idea that it changes every year. How do you manage to keep track?
  • I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever learn in your life.
  • Who cares how old I am when I still have bendable knee joints.
  • I’m old enough to be ugly, but young enough to be physically fit.
  • I’ve stopped aging long ago.
  • I sat beside Jesus when I was in second grade.
  • Old enough to watch the whole world burn!
  • How much will you pay me for the answer?
  • I died long ago.
  • I’m so old, I knew Noah as a boy.
  • When I was your age, I was *insert age of your curious inquisitor here*.
  • I’m so old, I remember the time when singers actually sang and had good voices.
  • I’m still alive and that’s what matters!
"I'm so old, I knew Noah as a boy."

"I'm so old, I knew Noah as a boy."