Stephanie is a graduate Pony Clubber, a rock climber, hiker, poet, writing tutor, belly dancer, yoga student, and gymnastics teacher.
I have a confession—I'm often the girl who won't stop talking about her boyfriend! I mean, he's just so sweet, and handsome, and everything reminds me of him so I just can't help it...
Well, I've also had a lot of friends who would not stop talking about their boyfriends, and I know firsthand how annoying it can be. The thing to remember is that the boyfriend thing is temporary. You might find that the worst stage is after she and the boyfriend break up and you get to hear all about how much of a jerk he really was. Anyway, here are some suggestions for surviving, and diverting, the numerous stories and references to your friend's boyfriend.
Change the Topic
Bring up another topic in which both you and your friend are interested. She may realize that this reminds her of something that her boyfriend did or said, in which case, you will have to again divert the conversation until she hopefully gets the point. You could ask her how her classes are going, or about a TV show that you both watch.
The Direct Approach
Your friend probably doesn't realize that she talks nonstop about her man. The problem may be solved by gently bringing it to her attention.
You can tactfully address the situation without starting a conflict by stating how it makes you feel when she talks about her boyfriend. Don't accuse her of being obsessed—use "I language" to express your own feelings and avoid confrontation.
- "I feel frustrated when you change the topic of conversation back to your boyfriend. I'd like tell you about what's going on with me and my crush/boyfriend."
- "I feel like you don't care much about me and the friendship I have to offer because you are always talking about [boyfriend's name] when we are together."
- "I'm happy that you have found a wonderful boyfriend, but I was hoping we could spend some quality time together, without talking all about [boyfriend's name]."
- "I feel a little jealous when you talk about all the cute things you and your boyfriend do. I'm happy for you but can you please be a little more sensitive to my feelings?"
Invent Your Own Crush
You could always give your friend a taste of her own medicine, and start gushing about a real or imagined crush or boyfriend of your own. She may get the hint, but I've had a few gullible friends, and an imaginary crush would only fuel her stories.
Do Something Fun Together
Go somewhere fun that will take her mind off of her boy. You could go to a movie, or to a theme park.
Remember, the most important function of a friendship is listening. As a friend, you have a duty to listen openly, but sometimes it's you need to remind your friend that there are other things out there. Use discretion, and let your friend know when enough is enough. Good luck getting your friend back to normal!
Hanna Soto on March 24, 2018:
How do you deal with a friend who wants you to stop talking to her boyfriend that you have been friends with him for over 3 years and also introduced him to her. Do I just stop talking to him?
Anon on March 03, 2018:
Well I had a friend who interrupted me while I was doing this and I got the hint instantly. Never mentioned it again. But we weren’t all that close so that was probably the safest way to handle it between us then. Now I have a friend that only talks about her bf and it’s kind of frustrating. I just listen and don’t ask questions and never bring up anything - I know she will take it really personally and our friendship will be over. There are some people that just don’t want to hear what you need or want. And there are others that will want to work things out. I guess a real friend will work with you but not all relationships are real meaningful friendships...
Lynn on June 08, 2014:
My friend constantly talks about her boyfriend, complains about his alcoholism, and drinking behavior, and other bad behavior. She oftens talks terrible about I'm. To which I comment and agree with her. Then she called acused me of judging him. Then she went right on complaining about his drinking. Before I've tried telling her let's not talk about him to which she agreed. Then she goes right on talking about him, his drinking behavior, too personnal things abouthim, and not nice things about him.I've even told her I won't have an alcoholic boyfriend, not going to be around that. She also talks about others, her mother, an older friend bad too. I think to try to make herself look better, because she had a bad reputation. I'll try keeo saying let's not talk about him. I've tried changing the subject to something more positive. That doesn't work. She switches the conversation back to herself and whining about others.
Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 14, 2014:
Nice hub! And relative to me, not for a girlfriend talking about her boyfriend, but a woman friend who insists on telling me all of her accomplishments--without me asking. Voted up and all the way. Thanks for the advice.
Please read your fan mail.
And read over a hub or two of mine and be one of my followers. I would love that.
Kenneth/ from northwest Alabama
Stephanie Giguere (author) from Worcester, MA on May 27, 2013:
That is an option, but I hate silence and confrontation! I wanted to give options that would cause the least tension between the two friends...
GracieLake from Arizona on May 27, 2013:
Why not simply say - Can we talk about something else? And then say nothing. Silence. That would be doing the narcissist a big favor. Especially if it happens more than once.