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How to Handle Annoying Behavior of Self-Centered People

Updated on August 21, 2017
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As a poet, therapist, and observer of human behavior, Janis has a keen awareness of what makes people tick and behave the way they do.

The Annoyance and Charm of the Self-Centered Personality

A charming ego is sometimes mixed with self-centered traits.
A charming ego is sometimes mixed with self-centered traits. | Source

Encounters with Self-Centered People

Where do you encounter the most annoying behaviors of self-centered people?

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How to Identify the Self-Absorbed People Who Annoy You

Self-centered people are easy to identify but difficult to handle. They love to talk, mainly about themselves, and they can be quite dismissive about the point of view of others.

Absorbed by their grandiosity, they look down on others with an air of superiority that is frequently displayed with a "holier than thou" attitude.

This type of person is also defined by others as being incredibly annoying. We have all dealt with them in our personal relationships, brief acquaintances, in the work place, and on the streets.

Below are some of the most annoying behaviors of self-centered, self-absorbed people. You may have encountered some or all of these behaviors.

Annoying Behaviors of Self-Centered People

  1. Driving as if they own the road, refusing to wait, yield, slow down, merge, or use signals
  2. Recklessly driving at high rates of speed without concern for the safety of others
  3. Engaging in road rage
  4. Leaning on a car horn when traffic cannot move
  5. Loudly threatening to call for a manager when things don't go their way
  6. Making trivial complaints about everything
  7. Turning any conversation into a story about what happened to them, regardless of the topic at hand
  8. Loudly verbalizing irritation while waiting in line
  9. Throwing a physical or emotional tantrum or verbal rant
  10. Minimizing or ignoring the emotions of others
  11. Arriving late and making an entrance that says, "I'm here!"
  12. Unapologetic about being wrong or hurtful
  13. Dominating group conversation with interruptions or interjections
  14. Argumentative and arrogant with a need to be right
  15. Overly critical of others

Most people are far too much occupied with themselves to be malicious.

— Freidrich Nietzsche, "Human, All Too Human"

What is Self-Centeredness?

  • The New American Webster Dictionary (1995) defines self-centeredness as "absorbed in oneself."
  • Roget's Thesaurus (1985) lists self-centered as synonymous with the words, "egotistic" and "selfish."
  • The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary (1986) defines self-centered as "independent of outside force or influence; self-sufficient" and "concerned solely with one's own desires, needs, or interests; selfish."

Note that all of these definitions seem to include the common element of "self standing alone," as if they all revolve around the individual, in his or her own world.

Self-Centered Attitudes are Difficult to Handle

A cockiness in a self-centered personality comes through without saying a word.
A cockiness in a self-centered personality comes through without saying a word. | Source

Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts, as our problems and preoccupations loom larger. But when we focus on others, our world expands.

— Daniel Goleman, "Source Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships"

Self-Centered Personality Begins with Parenting

Self-centered personality can begin early when an overindulgent parent spoils a child.
Self-centered personality can begin early when an overindulgent parent spoils a child. | Source

Self-Centeredness and its Roots in Narcissism

What makes self-centered behaviors so annoying to others is that they indicate a total disregard for the other person's opinion, value, or existence.

It appears that it's uncomfortable for self-centered people to be attentive for more than five minutes before they draw attention back to themselves to make their point which they believe to be correct.

These behaviors may have their roots in certain behavioral or personality traits that influence how the self-centered person approaches his/her environment and interacts with others.

These traits loosely fall under the definition for Narcissistic Personality which may involve a cluster of traits or a clinical diagnosis of a personality disorder. This can produce behaviors that affect the individual's ability to have healthy social interactions and close personal relationships.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is said to possibly be a result of overly indulgent parenting styles. They include but are not limited to the following list of traits and characteristics:

  • Self-absorption
  • Excessive self-love
  • Need for admiration and/or fame
  • Lack of empathy or concern for others
  • Unrealistic sense of entitlement
  • Demanding
  • Manipulative
  • Vanity and preoccupation with appearance
  • Self-assured cockiness

Unfortunately, it is difficult to contend with a self-centered person whose behavior is most likely related to imbedded traits of their personality that may not easily change.

It is well-known in the field of psychology that most personality disorders are not easy to treat.

Therefore, we are left to maneuver around or tolerate the annoying behaviors of those with whom we interact in our personal lives, work settings, or in public.

But there has to be some way to successfully handle the annoying behaviors that accompany these traits. Below are some suggested approaches to handling some situations:

How to Handle Those Annoying Behaviors

  • Ignore It - Remember, self-centered people thrive on attention. Let the road rager rage on, don't make eye-contact, focus on your own safe and defensive driving techniques, and keep your eyes on the road.
  • Deflect It - After giving the self-centered person sufficient time to go on and on, change the subject by asking a direct question that has nothing to do with them.
  • Validate It - Stroke the self-centered person's ego by validating his/her point of view; then offer your own. Remember, they just want to be acknowledged for being right.
  • Let It Go - It's not worth the stress to go back and forth with someone who is driven by his ego. Pick your battles, state your case, stand up for yourself, and let it go.
  • Avoid It - If possible, steer clear of annoying people and refrain from engagement. Put your time and energy into more positive people where you are more likely to have a productive experience.

Self-Absorbed in her Mirror

Stunning beauty can cause one to be self-absorbed.
Stunning beauty can cause one to be self-absorbed. | Source

A Message to Self-Centered Absorbed People

I'm sure that some of you reading this are saying to yourselves, "Hmmm, sounds a bit like me - whatever!" Well, forgive me if I've touched a nerve by bringing attention to certain behaviors that people encounter frequently in their daily lives.

This article is not meant to insult you, label you, or imply that you're not a decent person, any more than the images of the people featured imply that they are definitively self-centered. We all deserve the same love and respect, regardless of our irritating behaviors.

But you must admit that you can be annoying at times and not easy to deal with. To some extent, aren't we all?

Hopefully, this article will spark introspection that leads to conversations about how all of us can take a closer look at how our behaviors affect the people closest to us, prompting us to make decisions to change for the better.

© 2013 Janis Leslie Evans

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    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 5 weeks ago from Washington, DC

      Thanks for sharing your experience, Angie. I hope it helps others make the best decisions for themselves. I appreciate you reading the article.

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      Angie 5 weeks ago

      I was married to a self absorbed man. He always talked about himself. He would say he could have any woman he wanted. He is a personal trainer and started Texting another woman. When I told him it bothered me he stated it was his job. It continued and then the I love you had started between them two. He stated it was again part of his job and to make them feel good about themselves. She was invited to my home for parties etc. He would make remarks about my weight which in weigh 135 and I'm 5"4 and even bought me diet pills. I was called crazy and jealous over and over! I filed for divorce last year when I saw yet another text that read "I love you" to this other woman. About self-absorbed. He was defensive, he has a son that he doesn't ever see, he worries about self image and works out daily, he relies on friends for everything and uses them, he was never comforting and would not listen to my feelings. He was arrogant and stated he could have any woman he wanted. I'm divorced and I'm VERY happy!!!!! get out while you can.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 months ago from Washington, DC

      You're very welcome, Tami. Glad you found it helpful. Take good care of yourself. Thanks for reading.

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      Tami 2 months ago

      Wonderful and enlightening article... sadly my daughter married a self centered arrogant man that is tearing our family apart...I will take your words to heart and try to get thru the best I can. .I find myself bursting out in anger...because I hold back my true feelings about this man...I will train myself to keep the peace....thankd

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 months ago from Washington, DC

      Ha ha ha, okay, if you say so. Thanks for stopping by and reading.

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      Rachel 3 months ago

      Oh dear, you've just described the Italians!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 5 months ago from Washington, DC

      Yes, we have all had our share, Claire-louise. I appreciate your comment.

    • Claire-louise profile image

      Claire Raymond 5 months ago from UK

      Excellent advice, I have had my fill of these kinds of people lately!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 19 months ago from Washington, DC

      Thanks, Stacie L. Glad you enjoyed one of my favorite hubs. It resonates with many people. The road ragers are the worst! Great to see you, appreciate your visit.

    • Stacie L profile image

      Stacie L 19 months ago

      This hub resonates with me,especially since I have to deal with friends and relatives who have to turn my discussions back to themselves all the time!

      I also have to deal with self absorbed road rage idiots who blast their horns if they think you are blocking their way and not moving fast enough on THEIR road!

      thumbs up...if we still have it.LOL

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 21 months ago from Washington, DC

      You are very welcome, gerimcclym. I'm glad you found it informative and helpful in terms of causing you to reflect about your own traits. I appreciate the visit.

    • gerimcclym profile image

      Geri McClymont 21 months ago

      Very insightful article with what I think are excellent suggestions on how to respond to self-centered behaviors from people we interact with regularly or even sporadically. The article also made me stop and reflect on whether I am exhibiting any of these self-centered behaviors perhaps without even realizing it. Thank you for sharing this valuable information.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 22 months ago from Washington, DC

      Hi Kenneth. Very nice of you to say so. Thanks for the compliments and the holiday wishes. Merry Christmas to you, too.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Jan,

      It is the last few days of 2015 and I thank God that YOU ARE NOT a narcisstic girl. You are very caring, humble, and so talented at your writing.

      I am also thankful that we are friends.

      Merry Christmas!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 22 months ago from Washington, DC

      It is well known in the field that narscissitic personality disorder is one of the hardest to treat. Personality disorders in general are hard to treat, hard to change. Unfortunately, if you point out their behaviors, you will most likely receive defensiveness.

    • Farawaytree profile image

      Michelle Zunter 22 months ago from California

      Yes, and I also have a question maybe you can answer. Do these self-absorbed types ever realize how they are acting? In other words, is it pointless to point out their behavior to them?

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 22 months ago from Washington, DC

      Thanks, Michelle, glad you liked it. I hope it helps you deal with that person. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read this hub.

    • Farawaytree profile image

      Michelle Zunter 22 months ago from California

      Ah ha! This one strikes a cord! I have a person in my life that is like this, and need to personally interact with them on a regular basis that involves extended family so.... I'm trying to find ways to stop getting so irritated by their behavior. I do avoid engagement as often as possible.

      I also constantly check my own behavior to make sure I'm not overly self-absorbed as well because I see how terrible it can be to others!!

      Great hub :)

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Glad you enjoyed it, thank you very much.

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      Missy 2 years ago from The Midwest

      I knew I had to read this as soon as I saw the title. I have children with a narcissist. Great hub.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      You're very welcome.

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      DANNI161119 2 years ago

      thanks for this, very helpful indeed :)

      I am struggling to get pregnant and have a girl who sits next to me at work who is expecting her 3rd.. when she fell pregnant(after trying for 2 months) she kept saying "i can't believe it happened soo quick" knowing full well i have been trying for 4 years :( INSENSITIVE lol

      I call days at work with her an episode of the "enter name" show!

      I am off to read your other pages :) thanks again :)

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      So sorry to hear of your stressful family dynamics, Ginger. These situations are very hard to resolve with so many moving pieces. I wish you well with being able to set boundaries for yourself to avoid being pulled into the debates.

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      Ginger 2 years ago

      Unfortunately my grandson is destined to become a self centered individual as both his parents are self centered. Listening to my daughter complain about the ridiculous things her husband says & does takes me back to her teenage years when she was the same way. Her two brothers & l walked around on eggshells just to keep peace. Now she does the same thing just to keep peace. Visits with my daughter are very stressful & when her husband is with her, asking them if they want something to drink can turn into a full blown debate.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Good for you, Cathy. Sounds like it's time. Thanks for taking the time to read this article. I'm glad it helped.

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      Cathy 2 years ago

      Dated guy with all these trait for several years. Feel hes draining me emotionally i love him yeah , but i don't feel loved. Now hes started staring at women n not even caring if about my feelings. Don't feel theres anything left in this relationship but my feelings for him. How can we actually care or love this type person?? Im gonna try to move on n cut him loose.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Yes, we have all dealt with these types along the way. It takes patience to handle them as you certainly did. Thanks for stopping by a reading this one.

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      Michael Higgins 2 years ago from Michigan

      I can really identify with this hub, Jan. I was a claims expediter in a big box store handling product claims and installation issues. I dealt with these types of people constantly. I was there to make the situation right and constantly had to remind these types of this while they are still yelling at me. Many people tried to get me fired when I wouldn't "go along" with crazy demands. There were a few good folks now and then, but you always remember the yellers and screamers. Those days are behind me now! Again, great hub!

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear janshares,

      Thank you, good friend. I will try. And I will remember you throughout the year in prayer.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Thanks so much, Kenneth. I appreciate that comment. I will try to keep it up in 2015. Have a blessed one.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Janshares . . .

      Fine writing, my good friend.

      Keep up this great work and Happy New Year!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Oh my, Patty, so nice of you to say! Wow, I really appreciate that big vote of confidence from one of the best veteran hubbers on HP. Hugs to you!

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 2 years ago from North America

      This is a HOTD, if I ever saw one! It's a refreshing handling of mental health issues without the gossipy "diagnoses" I see all over the Internet. You are a mental health hero!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Hi there, stevarino. Glad you found this article informative. I hope it adds to or enlightens your understanding of your father. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment.

    • stevarino profile image

      Steve Dowell 2 years ago from East Central Indiana

      Bingo - my Father!

      For years I've blamed his personal characteristics on Asperger's and I still believe I'm right on that assessment. If he's not an "aspie", they should just remove the syndrome all-together.

      Informative article, Thanks!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Thank you, mdscoggins. You are probably right about most narcissists, they may not get it. But surprisingly, I got a few comments from some who did. Thanks again for stopping by and reading this article. So many people relate to this one.

    • mdscoggins profile image

      Michelle Scoggins 2 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Great article. I enjoyed reading about those annoying people. I chuckled a bit toward the end where you mention that some reading this will ponder if the article was speaking to them as narcissistic people rarely see their personality in this context or even a little flawed. So it probably would go right over their heads. None-the-less I really enjoyed your suggestions and tackling such an annoying set of people :)

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Thanks, Kenneth, for stopping by and reading this one. Good you found a way by walking away from these types.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      janshares,

      Narcissists are to me, the mpost-annoying. No matter what you say, they head you off from another person and drive you back to "them." I have had my fill of these self-absorbed people, so when I spot one heading my way to interrupt a conversation, I discretely excuse myself and walk away.

      I hope you much success on HP. And write me from time to time.

      I o

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      It is irritating, Mom Mary, especially when you're trying to help. Because you see similar traits in yourself, perhaps in time you will be able to pull back a little as your compassion for her increases. Thanks for your comment and visit.

    • profile image

      Mom Mary 2 years ago

      I am now wondering if I have come as afar as I thought from my own self centered ness.

      I had a small altercation with my Husbands daughter yesterday. She is a grown woman who's MoM was very dysfunctional due to mental disabilities. So I believe the child took care of or took control of things Mom would generally be responsible for.

      I am family oriented person so I love having the kids, his or mine come to visit. My problem is the degree to which she is self absorbed.

      Yesterday getting ready to bake a roast for dinner it is 3:30 pm I have the oven heating to 375* and she says I need that for 350* to bake these apple things for breakfast. Isn't there a communication that is supposed to happen when you are in someone's space and you want to use something when it is already being used? It is her childhood home but.... I think this is how she treated her Mom.

      She constantly interrupts anyone who is talking. She is positive she is always right about everything and has to orchestrate any project anyone is doing.

      I am afraid she will never know that she is missing a huge part of life that she could get to if she would just stop being so controlling and have faith in others. Have some respect for others.

      She is sure that every person who is homeless and begging should just go get a job. When you explain that a huge percentage of homeless jobless people are mentally deficient and probably can't hold a job, it is waved off like that's ridiculous. That every Parent who uses any sort of drug should have their children taken away from them.

      If she is not the center of attention she will be very shortly somehow or another. She is very nice just very insecure and immature which somehow leads to this bossy stuff.

      My point being I upset her when I told her stop to controlling everything. That I saw it as familiar behavior. I see some of those tendencies in myself and she just needs to stop. I don't think anyone before yesterday has told her she isn't responsible for everything!!!! Am I helping or hurting? My intention is to help.

      God it's irritating!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Never thought of that. But I assume some of them are too self-centered to know. Thanks for taking the time to visit and comment.

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      Margott 3 years ago

      I assume self-centered people are all liars.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      You are quite welcome, carrie Lee Night. I'm grateful for the generous comments. Thank you for visiting.

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Voted useful and truthful :) Thank you for putting together a well organized and professional approach to this particular type of behavior. Great work ! :)

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Sounds like a difficult situation to deal with and live with, hammy. I wonder what would happen if he saw this article. It's not easy to get self-centered people to look at themselves but there's always a chance if they can be nudged in a loving way. I wish you and your family peace.

    • profile image

      hammy 3 years ago

      Hi janshares,

      I have come across many people like this. Cud avoid them also.

      But over the period of time my husband has become like this. He is very moody. If I don't say yes to his thoughts, it becomes hell for me.

      I don't know how to explain this. If he is in a happy mood he is a very good father. Otherwise he is engrossed in his own world, his phone, his friends. He changes his plans very abruptly and want us to change accordingly. Which is sometimes painful.

      he does self appreciation a lot and seeks the same from us.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Oh Reneekps, I really feel for your situation and hope you will find a way to take care of yourself as you contemplate whether it's worth your efforts to re-establish the mother-daughter relationship. I'm glad to hear that you found something helpful from this article. I wish you healing within and repair of your relationship with your daughter. Thank you for being so candid and for reading my article. Peace.

    • profile image

      Reneekps 3 years ago

      I have an adult daughter whom I have always had trouble understanding. I suspected she had a self-absorbed personality and after reading this, I'm certain. Over the years she has shunned me for weeks or months at a time to "hurt" me for some perceived wrong.

      I recently learned that she has been "accepting" money from my elderly mother that totals in the six figure range over the past six years alone. I was devastated. As my mother's POA, I cut my daughter off. She has not spoken to me since. That includes Easter, Mothers' Day and this week - my birthday.

      I hope the actions noted in this article will help me re-establish communication and limit her ability to control the situation.

      Her behavior makes me very sad, stunned, ill, ashamed ... I've reached the point where I'm not even sure I want a relationship. I don't believe I can trust her. However, I don't want to shut communication with my granddaughter and sadly, I figure my son-in-law needs my support.

      The situation has literally made me physically ill.

      Thank you for this article.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Awful to see what you were subjected to caffeineQueen, just trying to do your job. I think you're correct about the element of wanting to have control. Don't give them that control by responding the way they're trying to get you to react. Do the opposite with a smile: "I know you're time is valuable, ma'am. I will be right with you as soon as I can."

    • profile image

      caffeineQueen 3 years ago

      I must wait on these people as part of my job and often don't know how to handle it--I admit I sometimes make offhand rejoinders (e.g., a customer planted 2 pr. of shoes in front of me and said "there are 2 pair of shoes there" and I answered, "Yes, I can see that; thank you". She went ballistic, had management called on me, and demanded a "formal apology" and "reprimand" amid showering me with insults. Luckily, my manager didn't report me and kissed the customer's butt.

      (I did apologize, wanting to keep my job).

      Just prior to waiting on her, she had wanted to be waited on before my current customer, loudly announcing that her waiting time was at a premium.

      How can I learn to tolerate people who are full of themselves and are looking for a confrontation?

      Am I correct in thinking that these are people who have little control over their lives, therefore they try to maximize control over minor situations, like making a purchase?

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Oh my, Solaras, I didn't know of those stats. It's not surprising, though. I don't think our future is doomed but we are "doomed" to encounter absorbed people for the rest of our lives. Sounds doomy. Oh well. Thanks for stopping by and reading.

    • Solaras profile image

      Solaras 3 years ago

      Right-on Jan! Did you know that an estimated 6% of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and as much as 30% of young people can be classified as having it according to a popular personality test. Is our future doomed?

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      All the time, rustedmemory. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • rustedmemory profile image

      David Hamilton 3 years ago from Lexington, KY

      Everyone can learn something from this post. We are surrounded by self centered people!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Thanks, glad you liked it, Bk42author. Thanks for coming by to visit and read it, appreciate the vote up!

    • Bk42author profile image

      Brenda Thornlow 3 years ago from New York

      I've had to cut a few people like that out of my life. It's exhausting to around. Great hub. Voted up!

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Hi there, CrisSp. I used to know a classic one in the workplace as well. And you are so right - keep busy or pretend to keep busy, no I contact, right? LOL! Thanks so much for paying me a visit today, grateful for the vote and sharing. :-)

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 3 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Arrgh, I know a couple of people that falls into this category and yes they are the most annoying specially at work. Mind you, they can talk a lot about themselves and non-stop. :)

      My best move is to ignore them in a very diplomatic way. More often, I keep myself busy (or pretend to be one) just to avoid any conversation.

      Great hub, very useful and informative. You have my vote and will share.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Thank you, bethperry. Glad you liked it, appreciate the visit.

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Yup, very true, MarleneB. I'm glad this hub helped you name and frame it. Thanks for visiting and reading.

    • bethperry profile image

      Beth Perry 3 years ago from Tennesee

      Your Hub explains a lot about self-absorbed personalities. And the tips have a lot of common-sense logic in them (worth remembering for future use!). Thanks much for posting.

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 3 years ago from Northern California, USA

      Wow! I know people like this - people with every trait you mentioned. They are truly annoying. I did not know there was a name for their characteristic behavior. And, you are right, they are extremely annoying. I often wondered why they couldn't see that they built this "all-about-me" world. Now, after reading your hub, I get it. If it's not about them, they don't really care.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear jan,

      Yep. I did enjoy this one and when I get time, I am going to go on tour of your hubs. I bet you that I will not find one I do not like.

      Have a safe night and day tomorrow.

      Kenneth

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Thanks for reading and liking this one, Kenneth. We all know at least one of the self-absorbed, right, lol? Appreciate the viist.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      I love this hub, Jan.

      I happen to know a few self-absorbed people. I wrote a hub about "Help For The Narcissist Who Feels Shunned," and when I read self-absorbed people, Jerry Seinfield pops to mind. I cannot stand this man. In public life or on TV.

      Enough is enough.

      Or the "Deeks" character on NCIS: Los Angeles.

      But I voted Up and all the choices. You deserved it.

      Keep the great hubs rolling.

      Kenneth

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      You're right about that, Danie. Have a good one.

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      Danie 3 years ago

      Hard to avoid and ignore them when they're related to you

    • janshares profile image
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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Hi Paula, thanks for the read and comment. Glad you enjoyed it. Always love your wisdom. I will keep my radar on high when I sense one on approach. We just don't have the time nor the energy anymore, do we? Thanks for your visit and votes. :-)

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      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      jan....Aren't these lovely individuals a joy? It's all right if you don't think so....your opinion is not really all that important to them anyway!!

      It's been quite a while since I've had the pleasure to experience the wonders of self-absorbed Royalty. Trust me, after a certain age, our radar becomes very sharp.

      Excellent hub, jan. UP+++

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      Jhsparky 3 years ago

      Hi Janshares, part of why I ended up here was because I was researching "internet trolls", along the way I came across an article from Manitoba, Canada. In the article it says research indicates "Trolling correlated positively with sadism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism" Have you seen this article or is this even something you would be interested in?

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      That's wonderful to hear, Jhsparky, mission accomplished! I'm so glad you decided to stop by today and read this hub. Thank you for your comment.

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      Jhsparky 3 years ago

      Wow, one of the best reads I've had in a long time. I think I can better understand certain people in my life now, not tolerate them better just understand them better. Thank You.

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      Sulabha Dhavalikar 3 years ago from Indore, India

      Faithful9,

      All the best. Faith in yourself is of paramount importance in difficult times.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      I wish you peace and resolution with the help you're receiving, Faithful9. Thank you for reading, hope it was helpful.

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      Faithful9 3 years ago

      I fell in love and had a child by one of the most self centered people I have ever met. It's been a nightmare. They're not very honest people either. He was in a relationship with someone else while seeing me. He said he was ended that one. It really didn't end until she found out about our child. Smh He has ana habit of disappearing and re-appearing. Stating that he still hasn't come to terms with have a now 9 year old at 54 years old. Having a child when I was 40 just seemed like the worst thing on earth to him. It was not my intention believe me. I already had two teen daughters. He stated I messed up all his plans he had for us? Plans that I wasn't aware of.smh His latest recent appearance he claimed he wanted to make things right. In a 6 months period there were empty promises, he never came to visit our son but wanted to spend time with me. Most of the time he talked about hisself and other children to me and some of his issues. Even talked about he had friends that he saw time to time. He expected me to go along with this. Smh Most of the time if I spoke about myself or our son it was dismissed. We also had conversations that led me to believe that he was watching me when we were not communicating. This is a little disturbing because he's in law enforcement and he claims he suffers from PTSD. Is possessiveness a part of this behavior trait. I think there's a lot of other issues going on. I pray he seeks help. I'm seeking help for myself in order to get over him. I pray that this traits aren't passed down to my amazing son.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Wow, Sulabha, thank you for sharing your experience of how a self-centered person can be controlling and affect an entire family dynamic. Dealing with this in the family must be most difficult because you cannot easily get rid of family, especially elders. I'm glad you found a way to survive with that book. I will have to look it up. Thank you so much for your visit and comments.

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      Sulabha Dhavalikar 3 years ago from Indore, India

      I wish to comment on Gerard Smith's comment. It sure happens. My mother in law, now 86, used her children i.e. my elder brother in law, sis-in-law and to some extent my husband to have a total control in the family. When the grandchildren protested on reaching their teens, she instigated uncle or aunt (her children) to scold and humiliate them.

      I endured this all for more than 30 years. And would have probably gone insane had I not read 'Sons and Lovers' by D.H. Lawrence during my college days. It was this reading that helped me fight back. And so our children still care for us. But my brother in law has neither a good financial standing nor any social status today. His children rarely visit him.

      But even now my mother-in-law behaves the same way. Wonder how she is going to face God when the time comes.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      An example of that is the term "arm candy," when someone uses an attractive person to make him/herself look better or to advance a career. So yes, it is possible. Other terms include "shmoozing" or "rubbing elbows" with the right people in order to advance the self.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Good for you Gerard Smith. Glad you found this hub article. Thanks for readiing it.

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      Gerard Smith 3 years ago

      Is it common in a self centered person to use a relationship / friendship as a "launching pad" in their careers and personal life ? .

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      Gerard Smith 3 years ago

      Wow my mind is at ease because l did have a reason for turning my back on someone who was self centered !!! Oh my own self esteem gets better everyday !!!

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      LOL, lol, lol, too funny, koko. Thanks for sharing. Looks like you handle the behaviors of self-centered, annoying people very well. Have a great day.

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      koko 3 years ago

      the crazy thing, but not unexpected, is that my Dad STILL has no clue what had happened. I have to admit I was laughing to myself.

      I have a friend that, when he calls, I make sure I have at least 60 minutes before I decide to answer his call. During his last call, I put the phone down and took a shower for 15 minutes while he was talking. When I got back to the phone there was silence so I said "oh, that's interesting" and he continued to blab about his life. Sometimes I surf the net or even cook while he talks non-stop. Then at the 60 minute mark I tell him I have an appointment (or whatever) and tell him I have to go. Hilarious!

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Thank you for reading.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Wow, koko, I guess your Dad learned about himself the hard way by having to lose a friend. Thank you for reading this article. It seems that it validated what you have been seeing in your friends and your Dad for some time. Take care.

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      Sulabha Dhavalikar 3 years ago from Indore, India

      Sad. But that explains all.

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      koko 3 years ago

      In fact my Dad is the worst self-centered person around.

      He had a friend of several years that abruptly ended the friendship.

      According to my Dad, he said he did not understand it, but after his last conversation with her she said to him: "Well that's just great Cliff. Now that you've talked about your life I guess there's nothing else to discuss, is there?" then hung up. She had enough of his *long* one sided phone conversations and never contacted him again.

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      koko 3 years ago

      Now that I think about it, the friends that I have are all like that except one. It's always about them and I feel unfulfilled cuz they only want to talk about themselves.

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      Sulabha Dhavalikar 3 years ago from Indore, India

      Yes, you are right. I need to rise above it all. 'After all what is done is done. And nothing can undo it.' But the future, however small, still awaits me.

      Yes Janshares. I will remember your advice. And come out of this.

      God bless you.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      You are right, Sulabha. Some people who feel insecure will project that feeling onto others to elevate themselves. They can be very mean so it hurts and makes you feel uncomfortable. Take care to protect yourself and rise above it. Thank you for reading this article and leaving an insightful comment.

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      Sulabha Dhavalikar 3 years ago from Indore, India

      Dear Janshares,

      You just touched a raw nerve. I have been a victim for more than 30 years. And I hate them.

      Me thinks, these people have a series of failures behind them. And when they come face to face with someone better than them, this is the way they react so as to make the other person nervy!

      But in spite of knowing all this, I still feel nervous when I meet them!

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Excellent, good to know it's useful. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read it.

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      arshiacom 3 years ago

      nice article:)

      It really helped me a lot in tackling the behavior of self centered people.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Your friend certainly fits the bill. It is difficult to be in a one-way friendship. I hope your decision to pull back worked out for the best. Thank you so much for your visit to this hub. I appreciate you reading it.

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      Weenie 3 years ago

      My coworker loves to talk talk talk about himself and never seems interested in anything I have to say. When he has a problem, he likes to tell me all about it and usually it's a very looong story. But when I'm having a bad day and attempt to talk to him about what's troubling me, he would either look utterly bored or change the subject within 2 minutes and start talking about himself. I finally got so sick of him that I would simply avoid him and not want to be around him. I also have a friend who is this way. People like this are very selfish and only care about themselves. I would much rather spend an evening alone at home watching a good movie than to be in the company of these self absorbed people.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Hello Tree,

      You are quite welcome. Thanks for stopping by and reading it, glad you enjoyed it. I'm so pleased thatit helped you receive some insight into yourself and others. Please come again.

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      Tree 3 years ago

      I'm so glad I came across this hub! It's so funny I've been realizing more and more that most everyone I talk to at my college never care to know me. I feel like I know so much about them but they haven't a clue who I really am. I assumed they were just chatty Kathies but you're definitely right! They're very self involved! I need to follow your advice and not feed into it. Thanks for this post!

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      Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

      SWF, thank you for you're reading this hub, so glad you enjoyed it and can relate. Your friend sounds like he enjoys being at the center, surrounded by many but doesn't do well with the linear one-on-one, lasting relationship. Perhaps he will learn to value the latter over time. I appreciate your comments.

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      SWF 4 years ago

      Great work, I enjoyed reading it a lot. I do have to admit that I can be a bit self-centered on the roads, but I usual restrain myself from showing my discontent to anyone outside the car.

      The reason, why I found this, was because I'm trying to understand a friend I have had since the 8th grade (12 years), who is at times very self-centered. I have no idea of his behaivour in traffic or at the job, but he is all about himself with friends. He is incredible at getting new friends or chatting up girls, but he suck at treating his long time friends properly.