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How to Handle Annoying Behavior of Self-Centered People

As a poet, therapist, and observer of human behavior, Janis has a keen awareness of what makes people tick and behave the way they do.

How to Identify the Self-Absorbed People Who Annoy You

Self-centered people are easy to identify but difficult to handle. They love to talk, mainly about themselves, and they can be quite dismissive about the point of view of others.

Absorbed by their grandiosity, they look down on others with an air of superiority that is frequently displayed with a "holier than thou" attitude.

This type of person is also defined by others as being incredibly annoying. We have all dealt with them in our personal relationships, brief acquaintances, in the work place, and on the streets.

Below are some of the most annoying behaviors of self-centered, self-absorbed people. You may have encountered some or all of these behaviors.

Annoying Behaviors of Self-Centered People

  1. Driving as if they own the road, refusing to wait, yield, slow down, merge, or use signals
  2. Recklessly driving at high rates of speed without concern for the safety of others
  3. Engaging in road rage
  4. Leaning on a car horn when traffic cannot move
  5. Loudly threatening to call for a manager when things don't go their way
  6. Making trivial complaints about everything
  7. Turning any conversation into a story about what happened to them, regardless of the topic at hand
  8. Loudly verbalizing irritation while waiting in line
  9. Throwing a physical or emotional tantrum or verbal rant
  10. Minimizing or ignoring the emotions of others
  11. Arriving late and making an entrance that says, "I'm here!"
  12. Unapologetic about being wrong or hurtful
  13. Dominating group conversation with interruptions or interjections
  14. Argumentative and arrogant with a need to be right
  15. Overly critical of others

What is Self-Centeredness?

  • The New American Webster Dictionary (1995) defines self-centeredness as "absorbed in oneself."
  • Roget's Thesaurus (1985) lists self-centered as synonymous with the words, "egotistic" and "selfish."
  • The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary (1986) defines self-centered as "independent of outside force or influence; self-sufficient" and "concerned solely with one's own desires, needs, or interests; selfish."

Note that all of these definitions seem to include the common element of "self standing alone," as if they all revolve around the individual, in his or her own world.

Encounters with Self-Centered People

Most people are far too much occupied with themselves to be malicious.

— Freidrich Nietzsche, "Human, All Too Human"

Self-Centered Attitudes are Difficult to Handle

A cockiness in a self-centered personality comes through without saying a word.

A cockiness in a self-centered personality comes through without saying a word.

Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts, as our problems and preoccupations loom larger. But when we focus on others, our world expands.

— Daniel Goleman, "Source Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships"

Self-Centered Personality Begins with Parenting

Self-centered personality can begin early when an overindulgent parent spoils a child.

Self-centered personality can begin early when an overindulgent parent spoils a child.

Self-Centeredness and its Roots in Narcissism

What makes self-centered behaviors so annoying to others is that they indicate a total disregard for the other person's opinion, value, or existence.

It appears that it's uncomfortable for self-centered people to be attentive for more than five minutes before they draw attention back to themselves to make their point which they believe to be correct.

These behaviors may have their roots in certain behavioral or personality traits that influence how the self-centered person approaches his/her environment and interacts with others.

These traits loosely fall under the definition for Narcissistic Personality which may involve a cluster of traits or a clinical diagnosis of a personality disorder. This can produce behaviors that affect the individual's ability to have healthy social interactions and close personal relationships.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is said to possibly be a result of overly indulgent parenting styles. They include but are not limited to the following list of traits and characteristics:

  • Self-absorption
  • Excessive self-love
  • Need for admiration and/or fame
  • Lack of empathy or concern for others
  • Unrealistic sense of entitlement
  • Demanding
  • Manipulative
  • Vanity and preoccupation with appearance
  • Self-assured cockiness

Unfortunately, it is difficult to contend with a self-centered person whose behavior is most likely related to imbedded traits of their personality that may not easily change.

It is well-known in the field of psychology that most personality disorders are not easy to treat.

Therefore, we are left to maneuver around or tolerate the annoying behaviors of those with whom we interact in our personal lives, work settings, or in public.

But there has to be some way to successfully handle the annoying behaviors that accompany these traits. Below are some suggested approaches to handling some situations:

How to Handle Those Annoying Behaviors

  • Ignore It - Remember, self-centered people thrive on attention. Let the road rager rage on, don't make eye-contact, focus on your own safe and defensive driving techniques, and keep your eyes on the road.
  • Deflect It - After giving the self-centered person sufficient time to go on and on, change the subject by asking a direct question that has nothing to do with them.
  • Validate It - Stroke the self-centered person's ego by validating his/her point of view; then offer your own. Remember, they just want to be acknowledged for being right.
  • Let It Go - It's not worth the stress to go back and forth with someone who is driven by his ego. Pick your battles, state your case, stand up for yourself, and let it go.
  • Avoid It - If possible, steer clear of annoying people and refrain from engagement. Put your time and energy into more positive people where you are more likely to have a productive experience.

Self-Absorbed in her Mirror

Stunning beauty can cause one to be self-absorbed.

Stunning beauty can cause one to be self-absorbed.

A Message to Self-Centered Absorbed People

I'm sure that some of you reading this are saying to yourselves, "Hmmm, sounds a bit like me - whatever!" Well, forgive me if I've touched a nerve by bringing attention to certain behaviors that people encounter frequently in their daily lives.

This article is not meant to insult you, label you, or imply that you're not a decent person, any more than the images of the people featured imply that they are definitively self-centered. We all deserve the same love and respect, regardless of our irritating behaviors. And we can all benefit from being a little more empathic toward others.

But you must admit that you can be annoying at times and not easy to deal with. To some extent, aren't we all?

Hopefully, this article will spark introspection that leads to conversations about how all of us can take a closer look at how our behaviors affect the people closest to us, prompting us to make decisions to change for the better.

References

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: How to best handle such people if they are your immediate family, for example, a parent or a sibling?

Answer: That is a tough one because you have to interact with them regularly. It might help to consider family counseling so that a neutral person can point out the dynamics of how you're relating. If that's not practical, verbalizing your concerns with love and setting boundaries for what you cannot tolerate is an alternative. Of course, it's tricky if the person becomes defensive. Sharing what your ideal interaction with them might look like and pointing out good qualities in the relationship may also help.

Question: If this so-called "self-absorbed" person is also really smart and has a good comeback for everything, how do you deal with them?

Answer: That's a good question. But at some point, you have to accept that the person is needing to let himself know how smart he is and that the comebacks are for him, not you. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge, let it go and walk away.

Question: Can self-centeredness be a result of depression?

Answer: It's possible that self-centeredness is masking avoidance of deeper issues of loss where the person is isolated and emotionally disconnected from others. I'm not sure, however, how common it is for depression to manifest as self-centeredness.

Question: How can I handle my dominating, self-centered husband?

Answer: It will be very difficult to handle someone who is the dominant one in the relationship. If he will agree to marriage counseling, that would be the ideal route. If not, the best you can do seek counseling for yourself to address your role in being in a relationship where you feel dominated.

Question: Is it possible for a self-centered person to genuinely love another person, i.e., his wife?

Answer: Whether your self-centered or not, marriage can be difficult. We go through periods where loving our spouses comes with challenges. Yes, self-centeredness can be one of those challenges. A key to loving another person is the ability to empathize, step outside of yourself and into someone else's reality. This is not easy for a self-centered person, but it is not impossible. It will take work and intent to include the needs of the other person into your reality. You also have to be open to receive the same for yourself. Love is a two-way street.

Question: How should one really handle a selfish person? It is not easy if you live with such a person. Despite explaining many times, the behaviors keep happening. In fact, it really interrupts my life, especially during midnight time.

Answer: I wish I had the perfect answer for you but your situation is more complicated than getting a quick solution. Living with someone means you are in a relationship with them. That relationship makes it very difficult to ignore them. The best suggestion is to consider counseling to explore the dynamic between the both of you that's driving the discord. You will have to decide if living with a selfish person is so disruptive to your life that you will have to make a shift to better self-care and healthier living.

© 2013 Janis Leslie Evans

Comments

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on September 13, 2019:

Great insight, Cynthia. I think social media in general has turned people into something they never intended to become. I agree with your point about self-absorption seemingly becoming more prevalent. It's a very sad state of affairs. Again, social media is the culprit. Thank you for your visit, glad you found the article interesting and informative. I hope it continues to help a lot of people look inward as you have.

Cynthia Zirkwitz from Vancouver Island, Canada on September 12, 2019:

Another interesting and informative article. I think we have become a pretty self-absorbed human race. It is rare to find someone who is not posturing or saying how beautiful/fit/deserving of X they are. As I get older I have less and less desire to be around opinionated, self-absorbed people and have become fairly good at setting boundaries.

On the other hand, I have also caught myself being pretty self-centered, sarcastic, and not empathic or kind during interactions on Facebook. These are usually times where I need to step back and recognize that I am not actually living very consciously.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 30, 2019:

Thank you, good to know you found it helpful. Of course, it's very difficult when the person you're living with is the subject. You can't walk away or ignore your spouse. When it's an ongoing relationship, the issues are deeper than personality traits and may require couples counseling to address how behaviors affect one another. In short, your situation may require a good counselor who can teach you and your spouse communication exercises to increase empathy and compassion. Regarding self check, it may help to take a deep breath before you react, exhale half of your frustration and anger before you respond. This will help de-escalate the emotion that fuels arguments. Hope this helps, wishing you peace in your marriage.

allee on May 30, 2019:

this article was very helpful however how do i deal with this if the annoying person is my spouse and what are some communication techniques that will help keep drama and arguments down as much as possible or what can i do as self check so i dont say or do anything to make a situation worse and just resolve it

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 30, 2019:

Thanks for reading.

willie on May 22, 2019:

Good to know that this "illness or whateveri it is" can be talked about.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on April 01, 2019:

You're welcome, Elliot. It's good to know that you found the article helpful and the tips useful. Thank you very much for reading.

Elliot on April 01, 2019:

Thanks for the article and tips! Finally cutting off interactions with someone that is a real annoying self involved type. Hopefully my narcissistic friend gets the hint and understand some boundaries.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on November 18, 2018:

Sounds like it's time for you to set boundaries with your sister. Only you can change your responses to her by saying 'no' and putting your needs first. Thank you for reading.

Lil on November 17, 2018:

Ive got a very self centered demanding sister she will ring me or my mum demanding to look after her children take bins out do food shopping for her get her gas and electric from the shop etc etc etc my mum divorced my dad when my sister was 4 years old in early 1990s my mum spolit her rotten to the point where its caused problems for many many years if my sister wont get her own way she will ring me or her mum bang on windows bang on the door until one of us gives in. There been times when my sister has demanded that her bins are taken out at 2am twice a week she will ring my mum or step dad demanding things to be done they are both in their late 50s now its so disrepectful of her she relies on us far to much. She will throw a paddy if no one will do things her way. I live 2 miles away she will ring me wanting her to look after her kids my sister got 8 month old and 8 year old both girls she didnt want children in the first place when her eldest daughter was born she couldnt cope with her daughter. My mum had the oldest for 5 months my sister had baby blues 8 years ago

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on October 01, 2018:

Thank you for reading and for your comment.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on September 03, 2018:

You're quite welcome, glad you found it informative. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Jane on September 03, 2018:

Nice one, I learnt a lot from this write up

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 19, 2018:

Lol, thanks. It's hard to deal with these personalities in our personal and family lives. But having to deal with one at the WH is like living in the Twilight Zone! Thanks for stopping by.

Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on June 19, 2018:

Sounds like my step-daughter, but her childhood was the opposite of spoiled; she didn't get much, and as a result, is a hoarder. Also, she has such low self-esteem that she talks all the time, has an opinion (always correct, of course!) on anything and everything. She rattles on and on just to hear herself talk, and it seems she doesn't even notice that no one is paying any attention to her.

When anything goes wrong at work (you should HEAR the stories!), it's always "The great ME to the rescue!" Most of what she says is rubbish, and I don't think she'd recognize the truth if it bit her in the behind.

And as for self-absorbed, selfish, narcissim, you've perfectly described the current (illegal) occupant of the White House! Even a professor from Johns Hopkins Medical Center classified the man as a "malignant narcissist."

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on April 01, 2018:

Although I cannot diagnosed the behavior of this I individual, it definitely sounds like you have little control over her behavior. In difficult situations such as this, its better to focus on minimizing the frequency and duration of contact, set strict boundaries and limit your responses to her. Short of ignoring this type of behavior, you cannot control or change another person, only your response to them. Thank you for reading this article.

tweemz on March 31, 2018:

What is wrong or maybe there's nothing wrong with a friend who chooses to be your friend and won't go away. A co-worker forces herself on others and doesn't understand that her annoying, loud-talking, constant interrupting people when they talk drives us nuts, yet we can't get her to go away even though we tell her how we feel, she just doesn't get it. I 've

even blocked her phone number and she frantically emails me begging me to talk to her..very manipulative and I don't get it, she's been married ten years, her husband adores her, what is causing this crazy behavior?

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on March 03, 2018:

Thank you, Nikki. Glad you liked it.

Nikki Khan from London on March 03, 2018:

What an amazing hub,,loved reading it.There are many around us in daily routine of life who only love to talk about them.And their small things make up a huge story to tell again and again.

Best way is just ignore them as you have stated in your article :)

Great work dear.

Bless you.

Rene Napoli on January 28, 2018:

I am glad I studied some psychology in Hollywood. People in general are great, however, there are some that spend a lot of time being a second class of someone, instead of being a first class of themselves. Unfortunately, they spew stupidity until they realize one day NO ONE IS LISTENING OR IS AROUND.

Hollywood is Hollywood.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on September 14, 2017:

Thanks for sharing your experience, Angie. I hope it helps others make the best decisions for themselves. I appreciate you reading the article.

Angie on September 14, 2017:

I was married to a self absorbed man. He always talked about himself. He would say he could have any woman he wanted. He is a personal trainer and started Texting another woman. When I told him it bothered me he stated it was his job. It continued and then the I love you had started between them two. He stated it was again part of his job and to make them feel good about themselves. She was invited to my home for parties etc. He would make remarks about my weight which in weigh 135 and I'm 5"4 and even bought me diet pills. I was called crazy and jealous over and over! I filed for divorce last year when I saw yet another text that read "I love you" to this other woman. About self-absorbed. He was defensive, he has a son that he doesn't ever see, he worries about self image and works out daily, he relies on friends for everything and uses them, he was never comforting and would not listen to my feelings. He was arrogant and stated he could have any woman he wanted. I'm divorced and I'm VERY happy!!!!! get out while you can.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on August 13, 2017:

You're very welcome, Tami. Glad you found it helpful. Take good care of yourself. Thanks for reading.

Tami on August 13, 2017:

Wonderful and enlightening article... sadly my daughter married a self centered arrogant man that is tearing our family apart...I will take your words to heart and try to get thru the best I can. .I find myself bursting out in anger...because I hold back my true feelings about this man...I will train myself to keep the peace....thankd

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on July 01, 2017:

Ha ha ha, okay, if you say so. Thanks for stopping by and reading.

Rachel on July 01, 2017:

Oh dear, you've just described the Italians!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 08, 2017:

Yes, we have all had our share, Claire-louise. I appreciate your comment.

Claire-louise on May 08, 2017:

Excellent advice, I have had my fill of these kinds of people lately!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on March 18, 2016:

Thanks, Stacie L. Glad you enjoyed one of my favorite hubs. It resonates with many people. The road ragers are the worst! Great to see you, appreciate your visit.

Stacie L on March 18, 2016:

This hub resonates with me,especially since I have to deal with friends and relatives who have to turn my discussions back to themselves all the time!

I also have to deal with self absorbed road rage idiots who blast their horns if they think you are blocking their way and not moving fast enough on THEIR road!

thumbs up...if we still have it.LOL

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on January 27, 2016:

You are very welcome, gerimcclym. I'm glad you found it informative and helpful in terms of causing you to reflect about your own traits. I appreciate the visit.

Geri McClymont on January 27, 2016:

Very insightful article with what I think are excellent suggestions on how to respond to self-centered behaviors from people we interact with regularly or even sporadically. The article also made me stop and reflect on whether I am exhibiting any of these self-centered behaviors perhaps without even realizing it. Thank you for sharing this valuable information.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on December 08, 2015:

Hi Kenneth. Very nice of you to say so. Thanks for the compliments and the holiday wishes. Merry Christmas to you, too.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on December 08, 2015:

Dear Jan,

It is the last few days of 2015 and I thank God that YOU ARE NOT a narcisstic girl. You are very caring, humble, and so talented at your writing.

I am also thankful that we are friends.

Merry Christmas!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on December 03, 2015:

It is well known in the field that narscissitic personality disorder is one of the hardest to treat. Personality disorders in general are hard to treat, hard to change. Unfortunately, if you point out their behaviors, you will most likely receive defensiveness.

Farawaytree on December 03, 2015:

Yes, and I also have a question maybe you can answer. Do these self-absorbed types ever realize how they are acting? In other words, is it pointless to point out their behavior to them?

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on December 03, 2015:

Thanks, Michelle, glad you liked it. I hope it helps you deal with that person. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read this hub.

Farawaytree on December 03, 2015:

Ah ha! This one strikes a cord! I have a person in my life that is like this, and need to personally interact with them on a regular basis that involves extended family so.... I'm trying to find ways to stop getting so irritated by their behavior. I do avoid engagement as often as possible.

I also constantly check my own behavior to make sure I'm not overly self-absorbed as well because I see how terrible it can be to others!!

Great hub :)

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on September 28, 2015:

Glad you enjoyed it, thank you very much.

Missy from The Midwest on September 28, 2015:

I knew I had to read this as soon as I saw the title. I have children with a narcissist. Great hub.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 03, 2015:

You're very welcome.

DANNI161119 on June 03, 2015:

thanks for this, very helpful indeed :)

I am struggling to get pregnant and have a girl who sits next to me at work who is expecting her 3rd.. when she fell pregnant(after trying for 2 months) she kept saying "i can't believe it happened soo quick" knowing full well i have been trying for 4 years :( INSENSITIVE lol

I call days at work with her an episode of the "enter name" show!

I am off to read your other pages :) thanks again :)

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on April 29, 2015:

So sorry to hear of your stressful family dynamics, Ginger. These situations are very hard to resolve with so many moving pieces. I wish you well with being able to set boundaries for yourself to avoid being pulled into the debates.

Ginger on April 29, 2015:

Unfortunately my grandson is destined to become a self centered individual as both his parents are self centered. Listening to my daughter complain about the ridiculous things her husband says & does takes me back to her teenage years when she was the same way. Her two brothers & l walked around on eggshells just to keep peace. Now she does the same thing just to keep peace. Visits with my daughter are very stressful & when her husband is with her, asking them if they want something to drink can turn into a full blown debate.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on March 28, 2015:

Good for you, Cathy. Sounds like it's time. Thanks for taking the time to read this article. I'm glad it helped.

Cathy on March 27, 2015:

Dated guy with all these trait for several years. Feel hes draining me emotionally i love him yeah , but i don't feel loved. Now hes started staring at women n not even caring if about my feelings. Don't feel theres anything left in this relationship but my feelings for him. How can we actually care or love this type person?? Im gonna try to move on n cut him loose.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on January 13, 2015:

Yes, we have all dealt with these types along the way. It takes patience to handle them as you certainly did. Thanks for stopping by a reading this one.

Michael Higgins from Michigan on January 13, 2015:

I can really identify with this hub, Jan. I was a claims expediter in a big box store handling product claims and installation issues. I dealt with these types of people constantly. I was there to make the situation right and constantly had to remind these types of this while they are still yelling at me. Many people tried to get me fired when I wouldn't "go along" with crazy demands. There were a few good folks now and then, but you always remember the yellers and screamers. Those days are behind me now! Again, great hub!

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on January 04, 2015:

Dear janshares,

Thank you, good friend. I will try. And I will remember you throughout the year in prayer.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on January 04, 2015:

Thanks so much, Kenneth. I appreciate that comment. I will try to keep it up in 2015. Have a blessed one.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on January 03, 2015:

Janshares . . .

Fine writing, my good friend.

Keep up this great work and Happy New Year!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on January 03, 2015:

Oh my, Patty, so nice of you to say! Wow, I really appreciate that big vote of confidence from one of the best veteran hubbers on HP. Hugs to you!

Patty Inglish MS from USA and Asgardia, the First Space Nation on January 03, 2015:

This is a HOTD, if I ever saw one! It's a refreshing handling of mental health issues without the gossipy "diagnoses" I see all over the Internet. You are a mental health hero!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on January 03, 2015:

Hi there, stevarino. Glad you found this article informative. I hope it adds to or enlightens your understanding of your father. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment.

Steve Dowell from East Central Indiana on January 03, 2015:

Bingo - my Father!

For years I've blamed his personal characteristics on Asperger's and I still believe I'm right on that assessment. If he's not an "aspie", they should just remove the syndrome all-together.

Informative article, Thanks!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on November 20, 2014:

Thank you, mdscoggins. You are probably right about most narcissists, they may not get it. But surprisingly, I got a few comments from some who did. Thanks again for stopping by and reading this article. So many people relate to this one.

Michelle Scoggins from Fresno, CA on November 19, 2014:

Great article. I enjoyed reading about those annoying people. I chuckled a bit toward the end where you mention that some reading this will ponder if the article was speaking to them as narcissistic people rarely see their personality in this context or even a little flawed. So it probably would go right over their heads. None-the-less I really enjoyed your suggestions and tackling such an annoying set of people :)

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on November 11, 2014:

Thanks, Kenneth, for stopping by and reading this one. Good you found a way by walking away from these types.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on November 11, 2014:

janshares,

Narcissists are to me, the mpost-annoying. No matter what you say, they head you off from another person and drive you back to "them." I have had my fill of these self-absorbed people, so when I spot one heading my way to interrupt a conversation, I discretely excuse myself and walk away.

I hope you much success on HP. And write me from time to time.

I o

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on November 10, 2014:

It is irritating, Mom Mary, especially when you're trying to help. Because you see similar traits in yourself, perhaps in time you will be able to pull back a little as your compassion for her increases. Thanks for your comment and visit.

Mom Mary on November 10, 2014:

I am now wondering if I have come as afar as I thought from my own self centered ness.

I had a small altercation with my Husbands daughter yesterday. She is a grown woman who's MoM was very dysfunctional due to mental disabilities. So I believe the child took care of or took control of things Mom would generally be responsible for.

I am family oriented person so I love having the kids, his or mine come to visit. My problem is the degree to which she is self absorbed.

Yesterday getting ready to bake a roast for dinner it is 3:30 pm I have the oven heating to 375* and she says I need that for 350* to bake these apple things for breakfast. Isn't there a communication that is supposed to happen when you are in someone's space and you want to use something when it is already being used? It is her childhood home but.... I think this is how she treated her Mom.

She constantly interrupts anyone who is talking. She is positive she is always right about everything and has to orchestrate any project anyone is doing.

I am afraid she will never know that she is missing a huge part of life that she could get to if she would just stop being so controlling and have faith in others. Have some respect for others.

She is sure that every person who is homeless and begging should just go get a job. When you explain that a huge percentage of homeless jobless people are mentally deficient and probably can't hold a job, it is waved off like that's ridiculous. That every Parent who uses any sort of drug should have their children taken away from them.

If she is not the center of attention she will be very shortly somehow or another. She is very nice just very insecure and immature which somehow leads to this bossy stuff.

My point being I upset her when I told her stop to controlling everything. That I saw it as familiar behavior. I see some of those tendencies in myself and she just needs to stop. I don't think anyone before yesterday has told her she isn't responsible for everything!!!! Am I helping or hurting? My intention is to help.

God it's irritating!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on September 21, 2014:

Never thought of that. But I assume some of them are too self-centered to know. Thanks for taking the time to visit and comment.

Margott on September 21, 2014:

I assume self-centered people are all liars.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on August 05, 2014:

You are quite welcome, carrie Lee Night. I'm grateful for the generous comments. Thank you for visiting.

Carrie Lee Night from Northeast United States on August 05, 2014:

Voted useful and truthful :) Thank you for putting together a well organized and professional approach to this particular type of behavior. Great work ! :)

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on August 04, 2014:

Sounds like a difficult situation to deal with and live with, hammy. I wonder what would happen if he saw this article. It's not easy to get self-centered people to look at themselves but there's always a chance if they can be nudged in a loving way. I wish you and your family peace.

hammy on August 04, 2014:

Hi janshares,

I have come across many people like this. Cud avoid them also.

But over the period of time my husband has become like this. He is very moody. If I don't say yes to his thoughts, it becomes hell for me.

I don't know how to explain this. If he is in a happy mood he is a very good father. Otherwise he is engrossed in his own world, his phone, his friends. He changes his plans very abruptly and want us to change accordingly. Which is sometimes painful.

he does self appreciation a lot and seeks the same from us.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on July 05, 2014:

Oh Reneekps, I really feel for your situation and hope you will find a way to take care of yourself as you contemplate whether it's worth your efforts to re-establish the mother-daughter relationship. I'm glad to hear that you found something helpful from this article. I wish you healing within and repair of your relationship with your daughter. Thank you for being so candid and for reading my article. Peace.

Reneekps on July 04, 2014:

I have an adult daughter whom I have always had trouble understanding. I suspected she had a self-absorbed personality and after reading this, I'm certain. Over the years she has shunned me for weeks or months at a time to "hurt" me for some perceived wrong.

I recently learned that she has been "accepting" money from my elderly mother that totals in the six figure range over the past six years alone. I was devastated. As my mother's POA, I cut my daughter off. She has not spoken to me since. That includes Easter, Mothers' Day and this week - my birthday.

I hope the actions noted in this article will help me re-establish communication and limit her ability to control the situation.

Her behavior makes me very sad, stunned, ill, ashamed ... I've reached the point where I'm not even sure I want a relationship. I don't believe I can trust her. However, I don't want to shut communication with my granddaughter and sadly, I figure my son-in-law needs my support.

The situation has literally made me physically ill.

Thank you for this article.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 20, 2014:

Awful to see what you were subjected to caffeineQueen, just trying to do your job. I think you're correct about the element of wanting to have control. Don't give them that control by responding the way they're trying to get you to react. Do the opposite with a smile: "I know you're time is valuable, ma'am. I will be right with you as soon as I can."

caffeineQueen on June 20, 2014:

I must wait on these people as part of my job and often don't know how to handle it--I admit I sometimes make offhand rejoinders (e.g., a customer planted 2 pr. of shoes in front of me and said "there are 2 pair of shoes there" and I answered, "Yes, I can see that; thank you". She went ballistic, had management called on me, and demanded a "formal apology" and "reprimand" amid showering me with insults. Luckily, my manager didn't report me and kissed the customer's butt.

(I did apologize, wanting to keep my job).

Just prior to waiting on her, she had wanted to be waited on before my current customer, loudly announcing that her waiting time was at a premium.

How can I learn to tolerate people who are full of themselves and are looking for a confrontation?

Am I correct in thinking that these are people who have little control over their lives, therefore they try to maximize control over minor situations, like making a purchase?

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 20, 2014:

Oh my, Solaras, I didn't know of those stats. It's not surprising, though. I don't think our future is doomed but we are "doomed" to encounter absorbed people for the rest of our lives. Sounds doomy. Oh well. Thanks for stopping by and reading.

Barbara Fitzgerald from Georgia on June 20, 2014:

Right-on Jan! Did you know that an estimated 6% of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and as much as 30% of young people can be classified as having it according to a popular personality test. Is our future doomed?

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 17, 2014:

All the time, rustedmemory. Thanks for reading and commenting.

David Hamilton from Lexington, KY on June 17, 2014:

Everyone can learn something from this post. We are surrounded by self centered people!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 02, 2014:

Thanks, glad you liked it, Bk42author. Thanks for coming by to visit and read it, appreciate the vote up!

Brenda Thornlow from New York on June 02, 2014:

I've had to cut a few people like that out of my life. It's exhausting to around. Great hub. Voted up!

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on June 02, 2014:

Hi there, CrisSp. I used to know a classic one in the workplace as well. And you are so right - keep busy or pretend to keep busy, no I contact, right? LOL! Thanks so much for paying me a visit today, grateful for the vote and sharing. :-)

CrisSp from Sky Is The Limit Adventure on June 01, 2014:

Arrgh, I know a couple of people that falls into this category and yes they are the most annoying specially at work. Mind you, they can talk a lot about themselves and non-stop. :)

My best move is to ignore them in a very diplomatic way. More often, I keep myself busy (or pretend to be one) just to avoid any conversation.

Great hub, very useful and informative. You have my vote and will share.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 19, 2014:

Thank you, bethperry. Glad you liked it, appreciate the visit.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 19, 2014:

Yup, very true, MarleneB. I'm glad this hub helped you name and frame it. Thanks for visiting and reading.

Beth Perry from Tennesee on May 19, 2014:

Your Hub explains a lot about self-absorbed personalities. And the tips have a lot of common-sense logic in them (worth remembering for future use!). Thanks much for posting.

Marlene Bertrand from USA on May 19, 2014:

Wow! I know people like this - people with every trait you mentioned. They are truly annoying. I did not know there was a name for their characteristic behavior. And, you are right, they are extremely annoying. I often wondered why they couldn't see that they built this "all-about-me" world. Now, after reading your hub, I get it. If it's not about them, they don't really care.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 13, 2014:

Dear jan,

Yep. I did enjoy this one and when I get time, I am going to go on tour of your hubs. I bet you that I will not find one I do not like.

Have a safe night and day tomorrow.

Kenneth

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 13, 2014:

Thanks for reading and liking this one, Kenneth. We all know at least one of the self-absorbed, right, lol? Appreciate the viist.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 13, 2014:

I love this hub, Jan.

I happen to know a few self-absorbed people. I wrote a hub about "Help For The Narcissist Who Feels Shunned," and when I read self-absorbed people, Jerry Seinfield pops to mind. I cannot stand this man. In public life or on TV.

Enough is enough.

Or the "Deeks" character on NCIS: Los Angeles.

But I voted Up and all the choices. You deserved it.

Keep the great hubs rolling.

Kenneth

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on May 11, 2014:

You're right about that, Danie. Have a good one.

Danie on May 11, 2014:

Hard to avoid and ignore them when they're related to you

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on March 17, 2014:

Hi Paula, thanks for the read and comment. Glad you enjoyed it. Always love your wisdom. I will keep my radar on high when I sense one on approach. We just don't have the time nor the energy anymore, do we? Thanks for your visit and votes. :-)

Suzie from Carson City on March 17, 2014:

jan....Aren't these lovely individuals a joy? It's all right if you don't think so....your opinion is not really all that important to them anyway!!

It's been quite a while since I've had the pleasure to experience the wonders of self-absorbed Royalty. Trust me, after a certain age, our radar becomes very sharp.

Excellent hub, jan. UP+++

Jhsparky on March 11, 2014:

Hi Janshares, part of why I ended up here was because I was researching "internet trolls", along the way I came across an article from Manitoba, Canada. In the article it says research indicates "Trolling correlated positively with sadism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism" Have you seen this article or is this even something you would be interested in?

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on March 07, 2014:

That's wonderful to hear, Jhsparky, mission accomplished! I'm so glad you decided to stop by today and read this hub. Thank you for your comment.

Jhsparky on March 07, 2014:

Wow, one of the best reads I've had in a long time. I think I can better understand certain people in my life now, not tolerate them better just understand them better. Thank You.

Sulabha Dhavalikar from Indore, India on March 04, 2014:

Faithful9,

All the best. Faith in yourself is of paramount importance in difficult times.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on March 04, 2014:

I wish you peace and resolution with the help you're receiving, Faithful9. Thank you for reading, hope it was helpful.

Faithful9 on March 04, 2014:

I fell in love and had a child by one of the most self centered people I have ever met. It's been a nightmare. They're not very honest people either. He was in a relationship with someone else while seeing me. He said he was ended that one. It really didn't end until she found out about our child. Smh He has ana habit of disappearing and re-appearing. Stating that he still hasn't come to terms with have a now 9 year old at 54 years old. Having a child when I was 40 just seemed like the worst thing on earth to him. It was not my intention believe me. I already had two teen daughters. He stated I messed up all his plans he had for us? Plans that I wasn't aware of.smh His latest recent appearance he claimed he wanted to make things right. In a 6 months period there were empty promises, he never came to visit our son but wanted to spend time with me. Most of the time he talked about hisself and other children to me and some of his issues. Even talked about he had friends that he saw time to time. He expected me to go along with this. Smh Most of the time if I spoke about myself or our son it was dismissed. We also had conversations that led me to believe that he was watching me when we were not communicating. This is a little disturbing because he's in law enforcement and he claims he suffers from PTSD. Is possessiveness a part of this behavior trait. I think there's a lot of other issues going on. I pray he seeks help. I'm seeking help for myself in order to get over him. I pray that this traits aren't passed down to my amazing son.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on February 12, 2014:

Wow, Sulabha, thank you for sharing your experience of how a self-centered person can be controlling and affect an entire family dynamic. Dealing with this in the family must be most difficult because you cannot easily get rid of family, especially elders. I'm glad you found a way to survive with that book. I will have to look it up. Thank you so much for your visit and comments.

Sulabha Dhavalikar from Indore, India on February 12, 2014:

I wish to comment on Gerard Smith's comment. It sure happens. My mother in law, now 86, used her children i.e. my elder brother in law, sis-in-law and to some extent my husband to have a total control in the family. When the grandchildren protested on reaching their teens, she instigated uncle or aunt (her children) to scold and humiliate them.

I endured this all for more than 30 years. And would have probably gone insane had I not read 'Sons and Lovers' by D.H. Lawrence during my college days. It was this reading that helped me fight back. And so our children still care for us. But my brother in law has neither a good financial standing nor any social status today. His children rarely visit him.

But even now my mother-in-law behaves the same way. Wonder how she is going to face God when the time comes.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on February 07, 2014:

An example of that is the term "arm candy," when someone uses an attractive person to make him/herself look better or to advance a career. So yes, it is possible. Other terms include "shmoozing" or "rubbing elbows" with the right people in order to advance the self.

Janis Leslie Evans (author) from Washington, DC on February 07, 2014:

Good for you Gerard Smith. Glad you found this hub article. Thanks for readiing it.