Dreamworker has had a lifetime of experience dealing with various types of relationships successfully.
It is common for people to wonder what it is about them that some people don’t like.
Nobody is liked by everybody, yet some seem to be more popular, get invited to more parties and have more friends.
If you are not one of them, it may be time to consider your situation so that you can find out if there is anything you are doing or saying that may be turning people off.
When I was a young teenager, if you didn’t smoke, you weren’t considered to be “cool”.
Today, just the opposite is true.
Smoking is considered by many to be a vile, filthy habit that is also unhealthy to all who are subjected to its toxins.
When I smoked, I never realized how bad it made me smell, or the disgusting odors it brought into the homes of the people I visited.
Once I stopped, I became very aware of these issues. Not only that, I had learned about the dangers of second and third hand smoke, so it became very important in my mind too steer clear of anybody who had this habit.
I didn’t want them in my home stinking up my furniture or polluting my air. Nor did I want to visit them and have to tolerate those same things.
There are many people these days who feel as I do.
As a result, someone can be the nicest person, hardest worker and kindest hearted human being on earth, but his or her habit will push others away.
Their habit will keep them from getting good jobs because they carry smoke odors on their clothing and belongings and likely will turn off potential customers.
Quitting is very difficult to do, but those who want to improve their relationships and their job opportunities would do well to throw their smokes away.
If they do, they might find that they have better relationships, will feel better and likely will become candidates for higher paying jobs.
Talking Too Much
When people spend time with each other, they like to converse about various things.
However, they really don’t like it when one person dominates the conversation and won’t stop talking long enough to allow anybody else to express their views.
There is nothing more irritating than to have someone call you and spend the entire conversation talking about himself, his views, his feelings, his job, his problems and his relationships.
Many with this bad habit do so out of nervousness, but some do so because they really are not interested to hear about the issues or feelings of other people.
When people talk too much, conversation does not exist because it only occurs when one party speaks, the other listens and they take turns expressing themselves.
If not given the opportunity to do this, most people simply find ways to ignore the talker by doing things such as not calling them, not answering their phones, not accepting their invitations and not inviting them into their own homes.
People who listen are always well liked because doing so makes talkers feel good about themselves. They like it when others take an interest in them because this makes them feel important.
Since everybody likes to feel this way, they will shy away from consistent talkers and befriend people who enjoy having meaningful conversations.
So, the next time you get the feeling that what you’re doing is pushing friends away, try saying “How was your day today?” You’ll be amazed at what a difference asking questions like this will make in your relationships.
Many people like to enjoy an alcoholic beverage from time to time, but some individuals carry drinking too far.
Some people who do this are alcoholics, but not all of them are.
Sometimes individuals just like to relieve themselves from the stresses of the everyday world.
However, whether they suffer from alcoholism or just want stress relief, there is nothing more distasteful to a non-drinker or someone who only drinks casually than to have to deal with someone who allows himself to get drunk.
People who drink too much lose control of themselves and do man socially unacceptable things that embarrass and upset those around them.
They can also become violent or suicidal and sometimes and cause life threatening and life-taking accidents.
Ironically, those who drink a lot are always surrounded by groups of people, all of whom seem to be having a great time. This is because all of them are heavy drinkers.
So, while they do have “friends” and appear to be well liked, the truth is that it is the bond of alcohol that holds them together.
If one of them stops drinking, he is no longer part of the group, so the shallow relationships he thought were terrific all disappear.
I was married to an alcoholic for five years, so I saw first hand how off putting my husband’s affliction was.
He had no respect from anybody who knew him, behaved very badly and literally ruined his life.
There is help for people with this problem, but they have to want it. Not all do.
If you think you are drinking too much but have lots of friends, stop for awhile so that you can see if these people stick with you.
- If they don’t, the friendships aren’t real.
- If you can’t stop, seek help.
Failing to Reciprocate
Years ago my husband and I were friends with a very nice couple.
They loved coming over to the house when I invited them for dinner.
After awhile, I realized that they never brought anything with them when they came to dine with us, but they also never, ever invited us back to their home for a meal.
As a result, I stopped inviting them.
We still like them, but now we meet at restaurants when we want to eat.
We never offer to treat for the meal, nor do they.
When you fail to hold up your end when it comes to giving and sharing, many people simply shy away from doing anything for you.
It is not that people expect you to “give” in return, but if you continue to avoid doing this, they eventually begin to feel “used”.
My parents had friends who held an open house every single Sunday. All sorts of people would stop by for drinks and snacks, and many would stick around for a meal.
The hosts were extremely popular and well liked, but when guests started opening their refrigerator doors to get their own food, they there was a problem.
My mother told the wife to stop giving away all the freebies so that she could then see who among the guests her real friends were and who among them was just using her.
My parents were the only people who “stuck” with that couple.
Nobody likes to be used, and once they realize that you are a person who is literally taking advantage of them, those with any backbone simply end their relationships with you.
Friendship is a “give and take”, but you need to have both in order to have one.
So, the next time you borrow your neighbor’s lawn mower, make sure to clean and oil it before you return it, give him a nice thank you note and maybe even hand him a box of candy!
You may think it’s OK to go out in public without bathing, wearing makeup or combing your hair, but it’s not.
We live in a civil society where people are expected to keep themselves neat, clean and smelling good.
It’s a matter of common courtesy.
You may not be able to smell yourself, but other people can. They are not likely to want to spend time with you if they can’t stand your body odor.
Nobody will want to employ you, either.
People who don’t brush their teeth, wear deodorant, wear clean clothes and underwear are, to put it bluntly, lazy.
Some will think they’re “making a statement”, but the only thing they are telling people is that they don’t think much of themselves.
If you are a person who has poor hygiene, it takes very little to make positive changes.
When you do, your whole world will improve because people will start accepting you rather than shunning you.
Nobody, but nobody, likes a show off.
- If people think you’re great, they don’t need you to tell them so.
- If people don’t feel this way, they’ll resent you for announcing it.
Life is very hard for most people. When they are struggling, it sits badly when another individual comes along and starts bragging about his accomplishments, his wealth or his latest exotic vacation.
They are not jealous because they feel this way. You simply make them feel like they are “less” when you do it. It’s like a smack in the face against which they cannot defend themselves.
When my husband was young, he didn’t have much money. One night he was invited to a party that had been put on by the local banker’s wife.
She came up to him and started bragging about how she had sent to New York City for her very expensive dress and went on and on about all of the fittings she’d had, the costs, etc.
She then admired the suit he was wearing. He thanked her politely and informed her that he had bought it at the local Suit-O-Mat for $25. It was his way of telling her that he thought little of her bragging, and it certainly shut her up!
The point here is that you don’t have to talk your good fortune or your attributes up. People will know without you telling them and will respect you for keeping your mouth shut about them.
On the other hand, if you’re a known braggart, they’ll stay as far away from you as they can!
The fastest way to make someone dislike you is to team up with other adults, form a clique and then try to use peer pressure against those who think or behave differently than you.
Doing this may make you think that you have some sort of “power”, but what it really does is let people see you for who you really are, which is a coward who wants to use his affiliation with a group to put other people down.
People who do these things do have friends, get invited to parties at one another’s homes and take part in various social functions together, but they are not really friends and, truth to be known, they only “think” they like each other.
The second one of them steps out of line, the group turns on them and they become the object of derision.
So, perhaps you should take time to examine your friendships so that you can find out whether they are the very things that are making other people dislike you!
People are very protective of their cliques and can cause great harm and emotional upset to those who are not.
In older people who live in over 55 communities, this is especially common.
One story I heard occurred when a new resident tried to take a seat in the dining room at a table that only had one other person seated at it. She was told “all of these seats are saved for my friends” and had to sit elsewhere. The “friends” never did fill the seats at the first woman’s table, so you can imagine the hard feelings that were created by such rudeness.
If you find this to be the case, perhaps its time to put on your big boy pants and become a respectable, likable individual who doesn’t need to be in a clique just to feed your own insecurities or your ego.
It has become common in recent years for people to refuse to accept responsibilities for their behaviors.
No matter what they say or do, if a problem is the result, they find a way to blame someone else.
- If they drank too much at the party, the host should not have spiked the punch.
- If they lost their job, it was because their boss didn’t like them.
- If they become involved in an accident, it’s always the other guy’s fault.
Despite the fact that acting this way is a commonplace behavior, if you are doing this you should be aware that you are causing people to lose respect for you and also to question your credibility.
Furthermore, you are avoiding the causes of the problems you are creating in your life, many of which negatively affect the other people around you.
When you become a “finger pointer”, you make people wonder when you’ll start blaming them for your problems.
They’ve got enough of their own and certainly don’t need to take ownership of yours.
A perfect example of this is the new President of our condo’s board of directors. She consistently vents at meetings about how all of the 47 years worth of previous boards “got it wrong” and how she is the only person who knows enough to fix community problems.
What she does not realize is that there still are people in meetings who sat on those boards and that these people have friends sitting beside them. They may not say anything when the President makes comments like the ones noted above, but they resent and dislike her for doing so.
Thus, when it comes time to vote on an issue, they are much more likely to vote against what she wants. They also are not going to attend her parties or let her into their homes. She’s not a person they like because she has insulated and demeaned them, things that are never good to do if you want to be popular with people!
What Are You Doing?
One of the most popular books ever written is Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People .
It was written many years ago by a man who truly understood what it takes to create and maintain good relationships. I keep my copy on my bookshelf and refer to it often. If you want to get more people to like you, I would advise you to do the same.
Creating meaningful relationships is not easy. For this reason, you should avoid doing all of the things mentioned above if you want people to like you.
The most popular individuals are those who
- make people smile when they see them coming,
- are always willing to lend a helping hand and
- who make the world a better place in which to live.
If you want to be more popular, think about how you want people to treat you, and then relate to them using those same values.
Doing this works every time.
Questions & Answers
Question: What is the difference between bragging and revealing facts about yourself?
Answer: Most people don't just go around revealing facts about themselves. Usually, they will give such info if asked. Braggarts don't wait to be asked. They spend a good deal of time telling the world how wonderful they are, which is a real turn off for most people.
© 2018 Sondra Rochelle
Sondra Rochelle (author) from USA on July 24, 2018:
Finn Liam Cooper: I agree. To succeed in life you need to do your best not to offend people, otherwise it won't matter how beautiful, rich or talented you are. You'll still be disliked! Thanks for the nice comment.
Fin from Barstow on July 23, 2018:
Another good article with some well written points. I like how you insert images and videos to supplement your narrative.
I think it's good to keep in mind many of the above when dealing with people. You can't please everyone all the time however, and you cannot live your life for other people, but I think that if you follow some simple suggestions, you can do pretty well..
Sondra Rochelle (author) from USA on February 25, 2018:
Robert E Smith: Can't argue with you but must say I see many of these same behaviors in older folks as well. There is no question that society has lost its compass. I sure hope we find it again soon! Thanks for commenting.
Robert E Smith from Rochester, New York on February 25, 2018:
Our society is filled with immature adults. There was a time when a person's age would give a clue as to how that individual would speak and behave. But with each new generation, it seems to me that more and more of the things that were strictly banned are becoming more and more common place. It seems that a person's character is no longer a factor, but has been replaced with political correctness and the current accepted mores. It is very disappointing to me to see so few people of character among the young people today. I think your article here is very relevant for folks that are clueless as to how their behavior affects those around them. It really is just an exercise in manners and common courtesy.
Sondra Rochelle (author) from USA on February 22, 2018:
As usual, a great comment. I was going more for the noxious behaviors people exhibit that make people shy away from them that they might possibly be able to change.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on February 22, 2018:
And drumroll please.....
Sometimes people don't like you for no special reason!
They themselves can't articulate why they dislike you.
Maybe subconsciously you (remind) them of someone, maybe they're jealous or envious because so many other people do like you. You're attractive and they're not. Your family has money and they're poor or you're from a different race/ethnic background or religious belief...etc
"Haters are going to hate."
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
'If you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection.' - Lecrae Moore
In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!