Why Do Men Pull Away?

Updated on January 17, 2019

Why Men Pull Away From Women

One of the most common dating and relationship questions women ask is why men pull away. It seems like men start to withdraw just when you get closer and things seem to be going great in the relationship. There's actually a biological explanation for why this happens.

At the hormonal level, men and women react very differently to intimacy. For women, bonding releases Oxytocin, also known as the "love hormone," which reduces stress. But for men, too much intimacy actually lowers their testosterone levels, which makes them feel stressed out.

Men pull away from a relationship in order to build up their testosterone levels again. This is commonly known as the rubber band effect, and it refers to the normal push and pull of a relationship.

When a guy experiences intimacy, the rubber band loosens. In order to regain his strength, a man pulls away and the rubber band becomes strong again. When he's ready, he will snap back and get close to you again.

This whole rubber band effect makes for a very difficult and frustrating time for the woman who's left scratching her head wondering what the heck happened.

After experiencing intimacy, women feel less stressed and they just want to get even closer to the man that made her feel that way. But at the same time, the man needs to withdraw for a little while to regain his composure.

What To Do When A Man Pulls Away

When a guy starts to withdraw from the relationship, the best thing you can do is not take it personally and give him space. Give him some time to go off and do whatever it is he needs to do to feel like himself again.

Although your first instinct is probably to go to him and ask him what's wrong, making a move to get closer to him only creates more slack in the rubber band.

The key is not to move closer to him when he is pulling away, because you want to keep tension in the rubber band. You've got to trust that he is going to spring back and get close to you again when he's ready.

There's no reason to get upset and wonder if there is something wrong with you. It probably has nothing to do with you. It's completely normal for guys to pull away from time to time, and that is often how they get closer to you.

When you give a man space, you're allowing him to miss you and realize why he loves being with you. It is absolutely true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Plus, once your guy realizes what life is like without you, he's going to appreciate you even more.

The #1 Fear That Makes Men Pull Away From A Relationship

Fear Of Losing His Freedom

One of the biggest reasons men withdraw from relationships is because they fear losing their freedom. They fear women are going to try to change them and they will lose their identities.

For a man, being in a relationship can feel like the end of his freedom. The closer he gets to you, the more he gets drawn into being a "we" and starts to feel the loss of his own identity.

It's hard for women to understand this because we experience emotions in a different way. We are naturally more in touch with our emotions, so we don't get freaked out when a relationship progresses to a deeper level emotionally.

When men get drawn into your world and start having feelings for you, it's not as natural for them and they equate those feelings with the loss of their masculine identity.

The more you can support a man and nurture his need for freedom, the more comfortable he will feel being in a relationship with you. If you look at his need for freedom as a threat to the relationship, you will only push him away.

Women often feel hurt and insecure when a man pulls away from the relationship, especially after getting closer. However, it's important to realize that men aren't pulling away to hurt you. They just need that time and space to feel like themselves again and reassure themselves that they still have their freedom.

The best thing to do is give your guy some space and take some time for yourself as well. Use that time to reconnect with friends, relax with a good book, or just have some fun. After all, you are a wonderful woman with a fabulous and fulfilling life of your own too!

Most Common Reason Men Pull Back Early In The Relationship

He Feels You Are More Invested Than He Is

If you've been dating a guy for a short time and he suddenly starts to lose interest, it's very likely that he senses you are getting more invested in the relationship than he is.

One of the biggest mistakes women make when dating is sharing feelings, making future plans, and getting serious way too soon. When it's too much too soon for a guy, he'll start to back off and question how he feels about you.

Men have a primal need to chase after women and claim the best one. They need to feel like the won a prize in choosing the woman they want to be with. If you force a relationship on him by getting ahead of him and getting serious too soon, he won't feel like it was his choice.

A man needs to feel a strong enough attraction to you in order to want to commit to you on his own. It has to be his choice. When you start planning your wedding and naming your babies with him, he's going to naturally pull back and feel like he isn't ready for that kind of commitment so soon.

The best way to approach dating is to keep your options open. As the saying goes, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Dating multiple guys is a great way to prevent yourself from getting too attached to one guy too soon.

When you are too available to one guy, he's going to sense that and lose interest. But if you are dating other guys, he will see you as a hot commodity that he needs to lock down.

Why Men Pull Away
Why Men Pull Away

Questions & Answers

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        18 months ago

        I disagree with much of what you say here, though I admit I cannot speak for all men.

        If the woman I am interested in is dating multiple guys, I do not feel the urge to "lock down." I feel unimportant, unnecessary, and sometimes downright played depending on the situation. This will make me pull away, or just forget the whole thing.

        Maybe that's because I don't view any woman as a "commodity," but rather as a human being. Dating isn't a game for me. I don't have the energy to play games anymore. For me, it's about connection...not conquest.


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