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The Body Language of Physical Attraction

Updated on February 11, 2015

Flirting with Body Language

Though learning to read body language will help when interacting with any gender, women in particular use body language to let guys know if they are interested. Body language cues allow women to express interest in a man without having to approach.

If you're anything like I used to be, you sometimes understand that a woman is flirting but you may not understand "how" she is flirting. You really want to act, but you're not sure how to properly flirt back without offending her. This is a common problem for guys. You find it hard to tell for sure when a woman is flirting, so you are not very confident in your dating interactions. You don't want to be wrong and embarrass yourself, so you freeze and say something stupid and slip away with your pride in tatters.

After reading this article, you will be able to go into social settings and notice, read and better understand the body language of the women around you. Maybe more importantly, you will be able to use body language yourself to elevate the attraction level between you and any woman that is interested in you.

  • Note: You don't want to be the guy who continues to flirt because he can't tell that a woman is uninterested. This kind of behavior will cause women to label you as needy or, even worse, creepy or disrespectful.

So learn this stuff!


Why Women Use Body Language

Women have always been the pursued and not the pursuer when it came to dating or love. Traditionally, they have been the prize to be won by men who wanted to claim them.

Women approach dating from the perspective that they want to be physically attractive and get men to notice them instead of other women. They often have tons of men approach them every day, so they don't have to be the one to approach men. Instead, many women have mastered the technique of using body language to communicate to the guys approaching them in a subtle but effective way.

Body language is how people communicate without saying a word, and women tend to be especially good at it. That's why a woman can size you up within seconds of meeting you. Your body language will tell so much more about you than your words could ever tell. Many women are great at using and reading body language, so you had better get a better understanding of the message you're portraying with your body.

She'll tell you with body language when she isn't into you.
She'll tell you with body language when she isn't into you. | Source

How Women Tell You They Aren't Interested

First, let's start with how women try to tell you they are not interested and want you to leave. This is the most important thing for you to know, because if you spend your time trying to flirt with someone who isn't interested, you will be wasting time for both of you.

There are lots of reasons why a woman may not be interested, often completely arbitrary and sometimes relating just to that particularly woman's preferences. The reasons are not important, since you're unlikely to change a woman's mind and you shouldn't try. Instead you need to know when you're politely being asked to leave, so you can move on. Here's how you can tell:

  1. She's acting distracted. When a woman is into a guy, he will have her undivided attention. She will ignore everyone around her and look into his eyes to reaffirm the fact that he is the focal point of her attention. When she is not interested, she will do the opposite: she'll look over her shoulder, look over your shoulder, not look you in your face, start playing with some object or start mini conversations with other people around you.
  2. She won't engage in conversation. She doesn't really want to be talking to you, but is too polite to end the conversation right away. Instead, she will give you very short yes or no answers and will not contribute to the conversation by asking questions or engaging you in deep dialogue.
  3. She'll call over backup. She may give another woman the "come save me" eyes so that the other woman will come over and say that they have to leave.
  4. She'll find an excuse to move on. If you are not catching on, she will eventually excuse herself with some convenient excuse and leave. Most women are nice and do not want to hurt your feelings but you have to take the hint and either leave yourself or let her leave without objecting or trying to find her again. This will save you face and allow you to go meet another woman.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to excuse yourself and leave. By just stating the obvious: that she seems uninterested, and excusing yourself, you acknowledge that maybe you're not her type and you get it. By excusing yourself, you relay that you are confident enough to cope with rejection and savvy enough to read and respect her signals. After all, not connecting with any one woman is OK. You are confident in yourself and can find another woman who appreciates you better.

Of course, by showing that you are both confident and respectful, you are showing that you are exactly the kind of man most women are looking for. Don't be surprised if, when you do this, the woman becomes interested and starts to pursue you and regain your attention. If she doesn't, don't worry about it. Like I said above, you are saving yourself time and worry by moving on.


Eye Contact: How Women Flirt with Their Eyes

Eye contact may be the most important way women try to communicate with men when they are interested, and it's usually the earliest sign. They will see you across the room and start giving eye signals that are giving you permission to approach.

At first, they might play a submissive role with eye contact. If you see a woman look at you, then look away, then look at you and then look down but kind of keep eye contact, you should go talk to her. The key here is that she keeps returning to eye contact but not maintaining it. She's sending the message that she's interested, but is nervous or unwilling to approach you directly.

She may also start to play around with her hair. For many women their hair is one of their strong physical features. So when they may start to feel attracted or insecure they start to play with their hair to regain their confidence. It's called a self soothing behavior and it helps to make oneself feel better.

When you are talking to a woman and she maintains eye contact with you all throughout the conversation, this means she is interested in the conversation. If she is really interested she will gaze into your eyes deeply. If she is thinking about what it would be like to kiss you, she will start to look at your lips. She is imagining the whole kissing scene.

Once again, if she isn't looking at you at all, she is not interested.

So watch her eyes and you will get plenty of information. Also, you should start to use your eyes and flirt back. Can you imagine if she starts looking at your lips and you start looking at her lips, where this could lead? Which, in turn, leads me to...


How Women Flirt with Their Lips

A kiss is a very powerful expression of intimacy. If you know how to kiss you can capture the love of any woman, so naturally, when a woman is interested, she will start to wonder how you kiss. She may start to pucker up her lips in anticipation of the kiss or start to lightly lick her lips with her tongue. She will do this to try to get you to start thinking about kissing her.

If nothing else she will most definitely start to glance at your lips and imagine herself kissing them.

A man that can kiss the right way is a hot commodity to women. It's romantic and gives them a great insight to how you are in bed. So learn how to kiss the way women dream of being kissed because it's all about living up to their fantasies.


Body Language: Arms, Legs, and Hands

Another thing to watch for is how a woman is using her legs to communicate. When you're talking to a woman and she crosses her legs with her top leg pointing in your direction, she is interested in you. If she crosses her top leg away from you she is not interested.

The same thing applies to the arms. When a woman is interested in you, she will open her chest up to you. It's a subtle sexual flirt. She will intentionally let you get a view of her chest to get your mind thinking about things unseen. It works too!

On the other hand, if she is not interested, she will use her arms to close herself off. She will cross her arms or pull her shirt or blouse to cover her chest. She might put her elbows on the table and cross her arms as she puts her hands on her chin.

Woman will also use their hands to flirt. For instance, let's say she is drinking a glass of wine; she might caress the bottom circle of the glass with the tip of her finger. This is her way of releasing some excitement. Any caressing motion, even if it is just of an inanimate object, shows that the woman is feeling comfortable and interested.

We all have pressure points where a lot of energy collects itself around our body. When women are feeling attracted to someone they often start to caress these energy points with their hands. One such place is behind the neck. Women will start to caress the back of their neck or right below the ear. These are places that if you were to kiss and caress would become very aroused.


Touch: The Next Level of Flirting

When you are talking to women and they become interested in moving to the next level, they will cross the comfort zone that we all have between ourselves and others. It's usually around 2-4 feet from our face.

Women will reach across and touch your hand or arm to create a more intimate and personal relationship. If you find a woman is starting to get real close and touchy, know that she is trying to move the relationship to the next level, and is definitely interested in you.

In closing, you have to understand that when you know this information and go out in public and see it in action, you will have a lot of control over your love life. You will know when women are interested in you and when they are not. You can go spark a conversation and establish a relationship.

You will be amazed at how many women are interested in you and you will see a bright future for your dating life. This stuff is not a secret. It is basically using the basic social skills that we had when we were children. It's all about being natural, observant, and honest.

Paul McCray

Video Dating Tips

This is a video about how women use body language to communicate with men.

Reader Feedback

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    • profile image

      Clemzee 2 years ago

      I think body lauguage must be concidered strictly coz it cn read you into wrong suggestion.

    • profile image

      stella_mcartney 4 years ago

      loved the way you have defined some of the best signs in details...a great and a helpful lens

    • bluelily lm profile image

      bluelily lm 4 years ago

      Nice observations and well I think a paying attention bit closely to these cues is certainly beneficial in understanding human psychic.

    • crossroadsblogg profile image

      crossroadsblogg 4 years ago

      Very interesting fact.

    • Digory LM profile image

      Digory LM 5 years ago

      Very informative. Of course, guys often misread signs because we have no intuition about this stuff. practice makes perfect.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Well you have a lot of understanding. Interesting that when men don't pick up on our non-verbal clues we are always surprised. At least I am. Men really are from Mars ;)

    • profile image

      lynn-allen 5 years ago

      @StellaSingles: There is no reason for a woman to flirt with someone if she is not interested. So, the body language, even if the woman knows what she is doing, is usually right on. I liked the advice to walk away if you are getting "go away" signals. If only more men would take that advice!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Most body language experts get it horribly wrong. The thing nobody takes into consideration in these kinds of articles or guides is that we weren't born with a Body Gesture Handbook. We have hard wired, automatic, compulsory behaviors we're all intuitively capable of recognizing.

      The so called "body language experts" have labeled gestures after the fact, colored entirely by their own paradigm. Get to "experts" together and watch how fast they disagree about what's being expressed.

      The solution is to pay attention to what we're built to do.

    • profile image

      diivinesoul 5 years ago

      thx, for the topic and answers. i know there a girl who interested in me. lol she told me XD. i always pay attention to language, naturally. =] im a ilttle rusty for "kissing"

      mirror, mirror on the wall, can you help me, with my resolve?

    • profile image

      quincyP 5 years ago

      Body language is the short term for 'action speaks louder than words'. However, body language can be confusing at times so depending on it alone is not a very good idea.

      Aside from body language, a man can also give hint that he likes a woman by sending flirty text messages.

    • profile image

      attractingwomeneasily 5 years ago

      Your info on the use body language is something that most men no nothing about.If only the could learn this art they would be so much better off.

    • RosemaryB profile image

      RosemaryB 5 years ago

      Interesting name for a Lens. Im new to Squidoo and your title caught my attention :)

    • desa999 lm profile image

      desa999 lm 5 years ago

      Great advice and detail.

    • profile image

      ouriloilo 6 years ago

      @StellaSingles: right on!

    • StellaSingles profile image

      StellaSingles 6 years ago

      I think body language is more deceiving than anything else. hard to read, especially when a woman knows what she's doing