How to Court a Man: A Guide for Women

Updated on July 17, 2009

Courtship, contrary to popular belief, is not a social relic of the past. Many people are reclaiming it, and not just by the fundamentalist Christians, either. People of all economic levels and social classes are discovering the benefits to courtship, versus many modern social relationship practices such as hooking up and having a friend "with benefits." The only problem with these modern "relationships" is that they frequently do not work at all. Many times it allows one party in the relationship to actively seek out other people for companionship, something that is supposed to be reserved for that special someone. Hooking up is even more harmful since it presumes that no emotional involvement is necessary for having a child. Let's face it, having a child does not necessitate a relationship or marriage nowadays. The results are harmful to not only both parties, but to the child that is born, too. Then the man, or woman, simply goes on to the next boyfriend or girlfriend du jour. It's a great way for one's reputation to be ruined, and even worse when a sexually transmitted disease is spread. Contracting syphilis or HIV is no fun at all. Sure, women have much more social freedom nowadays than they did in 1920, but unfortunately, freedom, like anything else, can be misused and abused.

The practice of courting not only allows a couple to get to know each other, but it also teaches them personal responsibility and self respect. This means that both the man and woman are not so anxious to jump into bed with each other, and more anxious to learn each other's true mind and self. It allows for each party to be discriminating, too. If a woman meets a man she knows will not work out for her, either because he has already been married or with another woman in some way, she can simply say "No" to him.

Courting, then, does not apply just to men in the strictest sense. The woman must also play an active role in the development of the relationship, too. Naturally, the woman will have more boundaries than the man does, but this is to protect her, not just from heartbreak should that take place, but also from potential gossip. Once the courting process is about to begin, here are a few things for the woman to keep in mind:

On your first night together, such as at a restaurant or movie theatre, make your plans then and there when the best time is he can call you for a second date. Don't be afraid to tell him your work schedule if necessary but explain politely that he cannot visit you at work. Most employers frown upon such visits by men. Employers pay their employees to work, not make googly eyes at the new boyfriend. Gossip can also start in the workplace. Next, do not allow the man to visit you at home yet. He does not need to know where you live, or who you live with, such as a female roommate or parents. He especially does not need to know if you live alone, which brings me to another important point: if you do live alone, do not, under any circumstances, tell him that! Otherwise he can and will take you to his advantage then leave you out on the street. No man worth his salt will ask a woman to sacrifice her successes in order for him to have an ego boost.

Never go to the man's home alone by yourself. Again, this is for self protection. There is nothing to prevent a man - and you - from getting tipsy at his home, only to find yourself undressed and on the bedroom floor the following morning. Chances are you will be thinking about getting a pregnancy test, not the next romantic date. If the man lives with female relatives, that is even worse, for one of them is bound to start talking about your tete-a-tete with your boyfriend.

Always insist he meet with you in a public place. This will not only cut down on temptation, but show others that you respect each other.

In addition to never telling him where you live, never invite him inside alone if you live alone. If you live with your parents, then it is fine to ask him to drive you home and see you to the door. If you have a female roommate, this is a no-no. Not only will she talk about your relationship to others, but she may also set her eyes on your love. That is another big no-no.

Speaking of no-nos, avoid introducing your boyfriend to your girlfriends. This is sending him the signal of: "I am not serious about you, therefore I do not mind if you want to date my girlfriends." This is the number one cause of relationships breaking down. If you care about your relationship, try to not scream it to the rest of the planet.

Once you have discovered he is serious about you as a potential husband, you can give him your personal address if you live alone. Have him park his car in the street, not in your driveway. This will teach him how to respect your property and not just your body.

When he is inside of your home, don't allow him to get too comfortable. Once a man moves in, he moves in for good. Chances are he won't want to marry you if you are all too willing to do everything for him, from cooking and cleaning to paying the rent or mortgage, and bills. Giving a man a free ride through life will actually result in him taking advantage of you, and his having another woman on the side for some "fun."

Next, don't jump into bed with him the first opportunity. Here we are back to the STD's, possible pregnancy, and what not. Then of course there is the possibility of him saying things like "You're much better than Joanie" or "You're not as good as Jennie." You want to make sure he can earn your body. There is a very special kind of love that can never be given to a person; it has to be strictly earned. If everyone was able to "earn" that type of love, we'd all be polygamists with no exceptions at all. While on the subject, make your physical boundaries very clear to him, which means he cannot touch you in a certain way at all during the courtship. In fact, if you are a woman who is completely uncomfortable with the idea of a man touching you period, this will be to your advantage before the wedding ceremony.

Do not rely upon your man to protect you. Learn how to protect yourself. Please see the above paragraph. Men respect women who are able to protect themselves. Do not talk too much about yourself, and be willing to listen to him. Love him, adore him, cherish him, and on your wedding day, you will be in for the treat of your life.


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