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Become More Confident for Dating Success

Updated on August 21, 2017
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Cage J Madison is an author with a diploma in psychology and experience in confidence, gender issues, and fitness.

When it comes to dating, without the self-confidence to look a woman in the eyes and communicate with her on a deeper level than most guys tend to do these days, you won't have much success in the dating world
When it comes to dating, without the self-confidence to look a woman in the eyes and communicate with her on a deeper level than most guys tend to do these days, you won't have much success in the dating world

When it comes to dating advice these days, there appears to be a lot of information available on the subject all across the Internet. But are any of these guides, books and articles out there created equally?

It appears that every book, as well as every dating coach, offers so many different ways to approach and attract women, which, in hindsight, can leave you with conflicted thoughts about which are the best approaches. It’s as if men have raging thunderstorms going on all the time inside their minds.

The information found in most of these books and by a lot of dating coaches covers everything from how to talk, what type of pick-up line to use, what to wear, etc. However, the sad reality is that much of what these guides, books, articles and coaches tell you can come across as being almost borderline offensive.

Let’s face it, if your goal is get slapped by every woman you approach rather than close by getting her number and setting up a date, then most of these books are the way to go.

Nevertheless, I can’t be too hard on all the advice given because, regardless the type of terrible advice, they usually have one thing in common. Self-confidence.

It appears a lot of time is spent on the subject of self-esteem because, despite whether the material or the advice given by the coach is downright terrible, they all agree that believing in yourself is essential to attracting women.

Think about this, how can someone else believe you 're awesome if you don’t believe that you are?

I learnt the hard way that the cheesy pick-up lines, the hidden tricks, and “special” secrets that these manuals and coaches promise us don’t work – not on high-quality women anyway. So I set out to design my techniques based primarily on the art of selling and what I discovered was that self-confidence was the only “special” secret a man needed to close with a woman.

I found that most top notch sales people were making much better success than others because they had something those other sales people didn’t: self-confidence.

Without the confidence to close the deal with their customers, these salespeople were not able to even get the client to consider what they were trying to sell them.

When it comes to dating, without the self-confidence to look a woman in the eyes and communicate with her on a deeper level than most guys tend to do these days, you won’t have much success in the dating world.

It’s as if men have raging thunderstorms going on all the time inside their minds

— Cage J Madison

Do You Make Strong Eye Contact With Your Date?

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Fear of Approaching

Stress and anxiety is a major problem for most men when it comes to approaching a woman. However, I have witnessed a couple of my clients take it a step further, to the point of having a panic attack!

Let me ask you this, do you have any of the following symptoms when trying to approach a woman?

• Rapid heartbeat

• Nausea

• Stammering when talking

• Fear of rejection

• Clammy hands

• Inability to maintain a logical dialogue

• Flustered feeling

• Going blank

• Shakiness

If you have felt any of the above symptoms then you, my friend, are experiencing a panic attack while trying to approach a woman. And this can be seen by a woman a mile away.

So in this article, I want to show you that women are human beings just like yourself and that, yes, even they get nervous. I'm going to show you a few proven techniques you can use to help conquer your approach anxiety and become more confident around women.

Why Getting Rejected Builds Your Confidence

Pay Close Attention

I think it’s safe to say that you’ve reached a time in your dating life where you’ve concluded that it takes a lot of work to be able to pick up the woman of your dreams. If not then you wouldn’t be reading this article right now, possibly trying to find new ways to approach women.

You’ve probably also realized that dating or seduction techniques are usually not something we are all born knowing. Am I right?

Well, allow me, if you will, to shed a tiny glimmer of hope for you and tell you one of the biggest secrets to getting started approaching and attracting women: Paying Close Attention.

You have to give close attention to what works and what doesn’t. When I designed my techniques, I spent a lot of time watching men who seemed to have it worked out, and those who didn’t. (I also studied sales, but I’m not going to tell you to go out and get a diploma in the art of selling).

After watching and paying close attention, I began to tweak certain things and craft my style and technique until I found a method that worked best for me.

So to get started, what you need to do is watch what others are doing and then mimic that which feels most natural for you. I also advise you get feedback from women – both solicited and unsolicited – so you know what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong.

Women 101

Men tend to have this crazy notion that women are different from them and they are different from women
Men tend to have this crazy notion that women are different from them and they are different from women

If you’re like most men, you’ve probably asked yourself a hundred times or more, what is it that makes a woman tick? I mean even one of the greatest minds the world has ever known, Stephen Hawking once said that out of everything in the universe, the one thing that stumps him is a woman.

"Women. They are a complete mystery" - Stephen Hawking

The fact of the matter is, as men we tend to have this crazy notion that women are different from us and we are different from women; this is not entirely accurate. Save for a few exceptions, men and women are essentially the same.

Your Non-Romantic Female Friends

Do you have female friends and acquaintances? You know those non-romantic female relationships? Well ask yourself, what do you talk about to them? How do you interact with these female friends? Why am I asking you this? Because fundamentally, your non-romantic female friends are similar to the women you are trying to approach, attract and date.

Take a moment to think about a great friendship you might have with a woman. What parts of that friendship could you pull from to help you meet and talk to the woman of your dreams?

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Do You Believe Men Are Different From Women?

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Women Are Just as Nervous

You have desired outcomes when it comes to dating. Women have desired results when it comes to dating also. In fact, men and women have many of the same desired outcomes when it comes to dating.

We are all looking for someone who is fun and with who we can enjoy spending time. We are looking for a friend we can trust, and with who we can eventually fall in love. We are all searching for a romantic partner.

Like men who want the dream girl, the goddess of their life, women also want the dream man that will take care of them not only mentally and physically, but emotionally too.

So you need to understand right now, that women are just like you. They, too, are just as nervous as you are when it comes to meeting someone new. They, too, get the same anxiety and stress, and when you approach her, she is most likely feeling the same jitters and butterflies that you are.

If you can keep this in mind while approaching, attracting and closing with a woman, it will most certainly help defeat your fears.

Affirmations for Confidence

Fear is only a feeling; it cannot hold me back
I know that I can master anything if I do it enough times
Today I am willing to fail in order to succeed
I believe that I have the strength to make my dreams come true
I'm proud of myself for even daring to try; many people won't even do that!
Today I put my full trust in my inner guidance
I grow in strength with every forward step I take
I release my hesitation and make room for victory!
With a solid plan and a belief in myself, there's nothing I can't do
Affirmations are great tools that can help you build confidence.

Attraction: Physically or Mentally?

Women have changeable ideas about what makes someone attractive physically and mentally
Women have changeable ideas about what makes someone attractive physically and mentally

Here are a few other things men and women have in common.

  • Just like men, women have changeable ideas about what makes someone attractive physically and mentally.
  • Also just like men, for some women, looks are more important than other opinions, but you must keep in mind that every woman thinks different men are attractive.

However, for many women, appearance is not a major factor when it comes to dating a man. Being romantically involved with a good man who is good for her is what many women find to be the most important factor.

She wants a man who cannot only make her laugh and bring more fun, excitement and interest into her life, but a high-quality woman will also want a man who can hold an interesting and profound conversation as well.

By keeping this in mind, try taking a closer look at yourself and focus on your top qualities when it comes to approaching, attracting and dating a woman.

How to Discover Your Good Qualities

The Approach

Never feel nervous about approaching an attractive woman and striking up a conversation
Never feel nervous about approaching an attractive woman and striking up a conversation

Pay attention to what I’m about to tell you here:

You should never worry about rejection when approaching a single woman.

In my personal experience, I have encountered a few women who are just straight out nasty, but I’ve also met a lot more women who are reasonable and sane, and I’ve discovered that a simple, friendly conversation with most women will not end in the Holocaust!

If she’s not interested in you then she will tell you, and you shouldn’t, in any circumstance, feel nervous about approaching an attractive woman and striking up a conversation. Look, if she’s taken or not interested, she’ll say so, and there’s no harm done, right?

Taking small risks will also have a big payoff, and this is the best attitude a man must develop when it comes to the dating world.

What exactly do you have to lose?

A bruised ego perhaps?

Get over it is all I can say to that.

If you don’t try then you might as well stay home, eating potato chips, watching Netflix while another man dates the woman of your dreams.

Normal Human Beings

So hopefully after reading the above common sense facts about women you’ve realized that women are human beings just like you who have similar stresses and excitement about meeting men.

Most men will complain that female behaviour is unpredictable and this is complete B.S. Female response is typically predictable, and communication will help to ensure that you are both on the same page.

Always remember that women aren’t out to embarrass you.

I don’t care what others have told you; they’re not evil beings looking to destroy or emasculate you (well, not all of them anyway).

Once you begin to accept that women are the same as you (and not from the planet Venus), you’ll start to find just how easy it is to approach any woman in a relaxed manner.

In fact, your conversations with a woman will be just as casual as a chat with your mate about a game of football.

So that's how you go about reinventing yourself for dating success.

I hope you've enjoyed what I've had to say here, and I hope you've learned a few tips and tricks to help you build more self-confidence when it comes to dating women.

Please feel free to leave a comment. I'd love to know your thoughts or answer any questions you might have in regards to dating and relationships or any other issue.

© 2017 Cage J Madison

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    • cagejmadison profile image
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      Cage J Madison 4 weeks ago from Australia

      Elaine, I'm extremely happy you found my article interesting and your comment means a lot to me. The rejection some men feel basically stems from the rejection of themselves in my opinion, because so many have been rejected they tend to take it as a personal attack. Life is full of rejection and we have to accept that if we are to have success in any area of life. Thanks again for your comment.

      ~CJM

    • Elaine Flowers profile image

      Elaine Flowers 4 weeks ago from Dallas, Texas

      Cage, you're awesome! I wish more guys saw things the way you do. I especially love your perspective on rejection. So many young guys focus only on their bad experiences, ultimately ascribing that behavior to all women. Thanks so much for your article!