Kari is a full-time blogger and ghostwriter. She enjoys writing about how to be happier in life and in love.
When you feel desperate to find a woman, it is easy to fall into a vicious cycle of unhealthy behavior. It literally repels women away from you sooner or later, which in turn can cause you to feel more needy!
Of course the stress of all that can affect the rest of your life negatively too.
If you feel like you may be too needy around women, it is time to break the neediness habit. Let’s talk about why neediness is unattractive to women.
Neediness Revolves Around Low Self-Confidence
As I’m sure you have heard a million times, confidence is the number one trait that attracts women. It trumps everything else, and it is vital to picking up women and impressing them.
A man with high self-confidence is not needy. He feels good about his life and satisfied with the things in it.
This doesn't mean that he doesn't desire things in his life that are not there, but it does mean that he doesn't require anything or anyone to feel whole and satisfied.
When you are needy, you are saying, “I am not worthy of you, and I do not feel like you would really want me.” It reeks of low self-confidence. How appealing do you think that is to a woman?
Moreover, why would she want a man who doesn't even feel he is worthy of being wanted?
Neediness Is Depressing
A person who feels needy sends off a message of being disadvantaged or deprived in life. They feel as though they are lacking something personally, so they talk, act, and move around in a negative way.
It is depressing to feel like your life is lacking stuff! And it is even more depressing to be around someone who feels like they are always getting the short end of the stick.
You've probably been around someone who sucks the positive feelings right out of you. You can literally be full of optimism before you get together with them, and then be miserable a few moments after you are in their presence. That is what being around a depressing, victim-like person will do to you.
No woman wants to surround herself with a guy who puts himself down, complains about his life, and is never truly happy. Women are looking for a man to brighten up their life and make it better, not bring it down to a depressing, negative level.
Neediness Is Exhausting For Others
The only fix for a needy person is constant attention and praise from others. I realize that it may be exhausting for a needy person to constantly seek this attention and praise, but it is even more exhausting for someone who has to give it.
It is important to know that the only thing that can fill the void a needy person has is a change in mindset. When a needy person decides to stop looking at what they don’t have, and start focusing on what they do have, they start to feel more whole and less needy.
How does this apply to attracting women? Well, the problem is that a guy who has not started to change their mindset has that void in them, and that hole needs to be filled. They try to fill the hole by getting validation from women, but the truth is that the hole is a bottomless pit that can never be truly filled by anyone but them. So, the women trying to fill the hole has a 7-day work week ahead of her until the needy guy decides to fill his own hole.
Neediness is exhausting! And a man who makes a woman exhausted (in a bad way) is not attractive.
There is not one woman out there who has the ability to give you constant attention and praise! Women have their own lives to focus on, and they cannot devote their whole time and energy towards a needy man, or else they will start to lack in their own life.
Neediness Takes You Out Of Alignment With Your Values
A guy who is needy is willing to sacrifice his values to get what he thinks he needs. He will do things, say things, and agree to things that he doesn't believe in.
For instance, he will treat someone close to him with disrespect simply because a woman tells him to (I've seen this one!).
It is very ironic that when you do things that don’t align with your values, just so women will like you, it actually makes women NOT like you! Women like authentic guys who stand up for their beliefs and values.
Neediness Leaves You With Nothing To Give Back
Lastly, when you are needy, you are looking for someone to fill the hole inside of you. This constant focus on your 'lack', causes you to focus solely on yourself and what you are not getting, as well as what you want to get.
A man who is so focused on fulfilling his own needs doesn't have time to support, validate, and love a woman. How can he? It is all about him!
Women want men who can support them and be there for them. A needy guy sends off the vibe of selfishness, and that is unattractive to women.
Too Needy? Watch This...
Smapti on June 27, 2019:
It's not really neediness at all. If she likes yoυ, she will make time for you.If she doesn't like yoυ, yoυ will become “needy” because you want her, but she doesn’t want you.
casper on October 15, 2017:
its just a catch22. Women constantly reject you for years or decades but you're supposed to be confident.
Andres on December 26, 2016:
A man who is so focused on fulfilling his own needs doesn't have time to support, validate, and love a woman.
I love how you uncover the truth by the end of the post, that woman are needy and by being needy yourself the thing doesn't work out.
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on May 27, 2014:
This is an excellent article, and I think every other sensible woman would agree. A man who displays such a lack of manliness is unattractive. Thank you.
Ian D Hetri from Papua New Guinea on May 26, 2014:
A brilliant hub. Valuable advice and well written. You too good you are. Keep up the good work.