Why Does a Girl Act Hot and Cold? She is Confusing Me!


Guys, you know the feeling ... one minute she is totally into you, and the next she is ignoring you. Why do women do that? Is she really into you, or is she playing you? What is going on?

Okay, well I readily (and I guess somewhat shamefacedly and somewhat proudly) admit that I have been guilty of the sin of giving mixed signals to men, in certain times of my life, due to certain circumstances. Here are some of my personal reasons why I have acted that way.

Remember! Every woman is different, so don't take the ideas below as gospel. This is just one (that's me xxx) woman's honest opinion.

She's Reacting to Mixed Signals From You

If I am attracted to a man, and I feel that he is sending me mixed signals, then I get nervous. What if he doesn't really like me? What if he's playing me? What if he's already attached and I don't know yet? I will flirt when I feel safe to flirt, but if I feel even the slightest hint that he isn't responsive to my flirting, I will back off and pretend that I'm not all that interested. I might even ignore him the next time I see him, until he gives me some sign again that he is interested in me. Then I will open up again.

Women are sensitive—more than most men (and women) realize! I often take things personally, even if it is not intended that way. If you are having a bad day or are stressed or whatever, just take a second to let me know that THAT is the reason you are brushing me off. Then I will not think it is something that I have done, I'll be happy to give you your space, and I'll be there for you when you are more emotionally available.

She's Into Your Friend

I really, really, REALLY like him, but I'm too shy to flirt outright with him. Soooo, I flirt with the closest person to him because I feel safe and there's no risk. The closest person is usually his friend. Sorry Friend, but if you are honest, you'll admit that you do it to us women too! It means that I can be flirty, funny, charming and everything else wonderful, but if I am rejected by the man I like, well, I wasn't flirting with him was I ? ... ;) ... so I can save face.

The advice here is that if a woman is openly flirting with you, you need to check her body language to see if her attention is fully on you, or if it is on someone else in the room. Same goes if a woman you like is openly flirting with someone else—is she quietly checking to make sure you notice? If a woman is seriously attracted to you, once she receives positive signals from you that you are interested in her, she should stop flirting with your friends. On the other hand, if you make her feel put down or insecure, even in an established relationship, she may just turn to your friends for a much needed confidence boost!

It's Inappropriate

No matter how crazy I might be about a man, sometimes it is inappropriate to flirt or even admit an interest. At these times, I may seem suddenly cold and unresponsive or even ignore him completely—it's not the man, it's the situation. Some examples of this might be:

  • We work together and I don't want to flirt in the office and start rumours.
  • Either my or your ex is somewhere in the vicinity and I don't want any conflict.
  • You are / I am / we are both married or unavailable in some way, and I don't want our feelings made public.
  • Someone has said something about our relationship, and I want to prove them wrong or throw them off the scent.
  • I'm pretending to others that I'm not interested in you for whatever reason ... trust me!

She's Punishing You

If a guy has hurt me, I'm going to be angry. When I love someone, it opens up my emotions in every way—not just my feelings towards him, but feelings that I have kept repressed for much of my life. I open up to and with him, so if he disappoints me (and he will—he's human), it's like reliving bad memories. I will more than likely overreact, and if he tells me I'm overreacting, I will be even more upset with him. I will punish him by shutting him out and perhaps letting others get closer.

This is the time to listen to a woman. Don't offer advice, just listen. If you felt the same way, you would probably walk away and spend time alone, but a woman needs to talk about it. She is not attacking you personally, she just needs to work her way through the problem. Once she has sorted it out in her head, she will realize and admit that she was overly emotional, and she'll be ready to show appreciation to you for letting her vent.

She's Feeling Insecure ... Help!

Maybe something has happened to make me feel unsure about myself or about our relationship. I'm worried that things are not right. I need the man to prove himself to me. Once, he would have gone off and killed something for our dinner, and I would have known everything was okay. These days, it's a little more complicated. I might test him by being aloof, sad, or perhaps even angry. If he walks away and doesn't give me a sign that he cares, I definitely will be angry. I need him to show me love—he needs to tell me and show me, and then everything will be okay again.

She's Playing You

I'm not interested in him, but I know he has feelings for me, and I love the attention. If he comes on too strong, I'll do everything I can to put him off. If he loses interest, I miss the attention and try to regain it. It's mean, it's cruel, and unfortunately it happens often.

If a woman is doing this to you, move on!

She's Not Into You, but She's Polite

Lots of men are attractive, but that doesn't mean that I want a relationship with all of them. Some men are downright unattractive, but they are still people with feelings and emotions. Sometimes I might just feel flirty, but today I might not notice a man I flirted with yesterday. Sometimes I might politely respond to flirting because it would be rude to do otherwise. Sometimes I might really like a man, but just not in a relationship kind of way, if you get my drift ....

If a woman is attracted to you enough to want to get to know you better, perhaps intimately, you will know. She will find a way to let you know.

In Summary

I'm not going to pretend otherwise: Woman are complex and complicated individuals, often much more so than men.

I think that the trick, if there is one, in dealing with mixed signals from a woman, is to look at the whole situation. What has just happened? Who is around? What is the woman's overall response to you?

As I said at the beginning, I am definitely guilty of sending mixed signals. However, I personally don't believe that there is one guy out there who I've ever liked—be it a crush or a full on relationship—who didn't know for sure, 100%, that I had feelings for him.

© 2010 herpointofview

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Comments 36 comments

Honesty is the best policy 6 years ago

I honestly think that playing games with people is a very immature, childish and cruel thing to do with people. Especially with men. Lets be honest here, why is it that the minute a man tries to honestly show his intentions that he automatically gets labelled a player?

Shouldn't that be the best way when it comes to dating? In my own personal experience, coming from a PUA background and understanding what attraction is, i somewhat find it hard to believe that women respond mainly to their emotions and it being part of their nature... All of that is complete rubbish, because if that were true, then does that automatically make it acceptable to commit murder and use the excuse of your emotions for acting the way you acted?

See how outlandish this whole idea is?

As long as game playing exists, there will never be honest and straight forward relatonships because of it will revolve around ego and self validation and nothing about love...

TT 4 years ago

Interesting article. I am facing the problem now and hv no idea what this married woman is up to. She tried to be close to me for a few months but I backed out as I did not want rumours in the office. Thereafter, I got these hot and cold treatments for the past 9 months. Cant get out of it as we are colleagues. She avoids and ignores me when we are alone, but will be rather friendly most of the time in a group, and even arranged group outings (intentionally inviting me and showing her temper when I did not respond).

Ed 4 years ago

Maybe it comes with experience, but when a woman is hot-n-cold with me, I turn to ice. I literally terminate ALL signals and move on. I respect women who are responsible for their behavior, emotions, and communications. The H/C treatment for whatever reason is not that. This article is great because it gives some insight into what's ticking. I look back on some of my own behavior over the years and see that there was a period when I ALWAYS gave mixed messages. It wasn't even intentional. It was a general social demeanor which had to do with a lot of insecurity and uncertainty about other people. I eventually had to challenge it, confront it. Not easy, but I'm pretty clear with people now.

A teenage guy needs help. 4 years ago

Hi, i met this girl a couple of weeks ago just randomly and she asked me what my name was and that stuff and added me on facebook. We hadn't talked since we met but i suddenly began thinking of her and then she started chatting with me 2 days later, she asked what i was doing etc and then suddenly all out of the blue she says "i just have to admit something, i think you're incredibly handsome" and i did never ever expect to hear that from her cause i think she is the cutest girl in the world!. And then she asked me if i wanted to join her to see a movie the next day with two of her girl friends and ofcourse i said yes! but the dat after the movie she seems all not interested while chatting, WHY IS SHE ACTING SO HOT AND COLD! ITS EXTREMLY CONFUSING!!! (sorry for bad english)

Angel 4 years ago

I have been dating a guy for 2 months almost. Some days he is so into me and some he isn't at all. This is why i give the H/C treatment usually. When i start to he comes back hot. Horrible game. Its frustrating and im thinkin about just ending it all together. Although we are in points in our lives where we both cannot really fall... but we have... soooo... maybe he is just pulling away before it gets worse becuz right now its not a good idea to be head over heals

Liltripalot 4 years ago

[[if she' s asking you to see a movie with her friends then she's not really into you!...Most women are selfish when it comes down to love and a man do your research.if you ask me,she's wasting your time and hers that ain't smart!just be straight up with her and confront her about it and if she continue to be hot and cold move on! -$Fly Society$

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colorsuz 4 years ago from Ann Arbor, MI

Confusion is the worst. I've backed off from guys for various reasons, some of which may sound terrible. It's not always even necessarily because the guy wasn't cool or fun to be around it can be because that extra spark just wasn't there. Here are some reasons why I've lost interest (I usually don't go back and forth, but I can tell after 1-3 hangout sessions if I want to continue things):

1) I see him as a friend and if any physical interaction occurred it lacked proper passion

2) He isn't attractive enough and/or alluring enough to want to pursue a commitment with

3) We hooked up and it was bad

4) He is kissing my ass immediately and I need space

5) I was interested but then realized something about the person that either makes me mistrust them or lose interest

jimshady 3 years ago

Girl at work drives me crazy with this s h i t, and not in a good way. I say girl because she's 20, very beautiful blonde, a real head turner. I used to see her looking at me all the time, but whenever I approached her and made an effort to get to know her she would act so awkward and closed off. Her body language was very negative towards me, so I tried just joking around and being friendly and light hearted...didn't seem to work, so I tried being nice to her instead, didn't seem to work, still it got a bit better over time as we used to have cigarette breaks together, so I got to know her a little. For a while I thought she was shy, but she seems fine with other guys. It seemed to be always me approaching, in fact she usually ignores me unless I say hello first, quite rude for someone you know to behave like this, so after a while I just got sick of it, seeing her gazing in my direction all the time then acting uncomfortable like I'm a creep when I make an effort to talk to her. In case you are thinking maybe it's me, it isn't, there are plenty of attractive women I work with who I get on well with. Her behavior has completely put me off even bothering to try and have a friendship or anything with her, I don't understand why she is so affected by me in this way, if she was really interested in me she would actually make an effort to get to know me, so she obviously isn't that bothered, but then she reacts to me like she is bothered. After being played once in the past by a woman I was crazy about, any kind of behaviour like this is just a massive turn off for me.

Spectrum Man! 3 years ago

Being someone who is on the Autism Spectrum, understanding women or having long term success with them seems nearly impossible. I've finally improved my social skills to the point I've become the charismatic, fun, playful, and outgoing guy I've always dreamed of being. However, I've realized that I still have trouble reading women and knowing how to attract and keep one long term. I've also come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to be a player or live the player lifetime since I always tend to unknowingly do something wrong that causes women to disappear or start ignoring me for seemingly no reasons. I admit, before I worked on changing and normalizing myself to the point where I can now maintain somewhat of a normal social life, I did a lot of weird things to scare women (or people in general) away. Being a man who over analyzes, over-thinks and thinks / acts differently from majority society will NOT help you attract women, and it is 20 times worse if you come across as a nice guy. However, I've learned to change my ways enough to the point where I can (seemingly) attract women temporarily and have not figured out how to surpass that temporary step. Therefore, I've figured out that it's best I enjoy multiple encounters with multiple women when I have the chance rather than try to commit to anyone long term. But I wont complain too much because I'm doing much better than others with Hi Functioning Autism. People see me more as a "player" or female expert rather than a big nerd or weirdo. They may not have any idea what I go through or have been through to get where I am now in life, but it doesn't matter. I'm just glad I've managed to "fix" myself as much as I have, although it took me 31 years to get it right. A lot of you "Normals" out there complain about your girl problems, but imagine what it's like to be someone on the Autism Spectrum! Being autistic at any level causes you to naturally want to do everything that's wrong when it comes to females and attraction. That includes the natural sensitivity, natural desire to become attached to people you feel a deep connection with and the natural tendency to produce "nice guy behavior." And since people on the Spectrum are horrible with understanding normal social situations and reading people, imagine what receiving mixed messages or trying to be the proper bad boy is like for us! But it's all good because despite the fact that I may never be in a long term relationship or get married, I at least know how to successfully approach, start conversations with, meet, and enjoy time with women. This gives me the benefit of enjoying the moment with every woman I meet while I have a chance before I must move on to the next. Maybe some of you are thinking I should look for women who are also on the Autism Spectrum. Only problem with that is they are even more confusing, maybe even more so than religious girls.

elise 3 years ago

To Spectrum Man,

I'm not autistic, but that doesn't make me normal. I'm typically outgoing, but I can become a very different person with men I like, so much so that I don't even recognize myself. I'll become extremely introverted, or I'll unintentionally give mixed signals. One day I'll be extroverted because I'm not uncertain of the situation in that moment, while the next day I'll be very quiet if I'm at all confused for any reason. I really need a man to be very direct and forthcoming, or I'll overanalyze and unfortunately misinterpret nearly everything. I'm telling you this because I'd like to suggest that your autism does not mark you as distinctly deviant from the norm (complete misnomer) as much as you may think it does.

Please know this. I want a nice guy. Nice is very, very alluring. Nice draws me in before anything else. In my opinion, if you are sensitive, become attached to people with whom you feel a deep connection and treat people well, then you are exactly the kind of person that any stable woman would want to love. Your autism will not preclude a successful, long-term relationship or marriage. Don't resign yourself to the life of a player when clearly that is not who you are.

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jaredbangerter 3 years ago from New York City

I appreciate this insight and this is the reason I will stay single forever. I don't have the energy to read minds and deal with this sort of madness. If I could find a down to earth girl who would just say what she felt, that would change it.

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carrie Lee Night 3 years ago from Northeast United States

Thank you for writing this hub based on your personal experiences :) For me I have never had this problem...if I feel something I express it bluntly even if I feared rejection. You shouldn't have to mind read or play games if you are truly interested in someone :) I guess the bottom line is to own your feelings and if the atmosphere changes come out with the explaination. Have a great week

Anonymous 3 years ago

very scarey women out there nowadays.

Rafael Smith 3 years ago

Always Remember: Women are not nearly as complicated as they would like you to believe.

He Man 2 years ago

It's not just women who act hot and cold. Men do it too. It's because you make yourself vulnerable to another person when you care about them. Acting hot and cold is just the mind's defence mechanisms in play. It's human nature to play games - everyone does it. It's nothing to worry about if it only happens during the courting phase. Once you're in a serious relationship, though, proper communication should kick in.

scarybutnice 2 years ago

jimshady - she is 'love shy'. If she acts fine around other men, but weirdly around you (assuming she doesn't actively dislike you which she doesn't otherwise she would avoid you) it means she has some romantic/sexual interest in you. This is surprisingly common. She gets tense when you are around so she closes off and cannot act normally. If a woman is very relaxed around a man, it often (but not always) means she is not interested in them as anything other than a friend. When people tense up around someone, it often (but not always) means that that person has affected them on an emotional level and they are processing their feelings. The only way to get into any kind of relationship with someone who is love-shy is to proceed very slowly, and take cues from their body language.

Kaihere 2 years ago

Thanks for the insight. I've been dating a girl for about a month now and this last week she has cut our planned day together short, canceled a date because she was sick, and then today began texting me in a positive happy way, but gave a cold answer to a flirty text reply and then stopped texting me all together.

I think colorsez hit the nail on the head with her 5th point that I did something to cause her to lose interest. My confusion is that if she lost interest in me, why is she initiating conversations?

Prttygrl 2 years ago

I hate to break it to you guys but there is another thing it could b. she could be seeing someone else and isn't sure that's gonna work do she is keeping you around just in case.

Sorry but it happens a lot

tired of the cr%& 2 years ago

after reading this all i can say is women need to stop thinking, they have about 5000 reasons for breathing for gods sake. stop making everything so needlessly complicated!

Alec 2 years ago

I think you have pointed it right on this statement:

"If a woman is attracted to you enough to want to get to know you better, perhaps intimately, you will know. She will find a way to let you know. "

We, men, sometimes forget, or pretend it is contrary, that everytime (with no exception), a woman choose her own mate.

Guest 2 years ago

It's because of how society raises them to be. They are taught that it's fun to hurt guys and make guys feel insecure. Girls playing hot and cold with guys is fun. Girls confusing guys is fun even to the point where guys punish them. Guys can't stop thinking. They need to keep thinking. They're the ones chasing after girls. Girls want guys to be hurt and broken. And guys deserve to be treated badly, burned, hurt, and broken all the time while girls should always push guys' buttons, test, them, and challenge them too much.

U can't handle the truth 2 years ago

This shows just how immature girls really are and that they never mature into adulthood as quick as men. Very few girls are down to earth until they become women which typically doesn't happen until they reach there late 20s or early 30s. What I find even more crazy is how much women hate it when men play them and then they get all angry and categorize all men are the same, but when they hear men saying all women are the same they are so quick to defend and say NO not all women are the same. Most women are a bunch of hypocrites these days and that's the real truth.

kris 2 years ago

"If a woman is attracted to you enough to want to get to know you better, perhaps intimately, you will know. She will find a way to let you know. "

Mind giving my some examples?? Would much appreciate it.

scarybutnice 2 years ago

All of the reasons given by herpointofview could equally apply to men who also go hot and cold. It's not any fun to make people feel insecure or hurt people. It's crap. It will totally backfire. It is okay to challenge a bit, keep a bit of mystery and some guess work. But this is a very delicate balancing act. Overdo it and it will turn someone off for ever. This applies to both genders. Men play just as many games as women. There is a huge difference between playing manipulative games and trying to manipulate someone's feelings (which ends up backfiring and gets no-one anywhere) and being a little bit of a challenge, leaving some mystery. An open book is not interesting. There has to be some mystery in order to create interest. And people do not value things that are handed to them on a plate. This applies to both genders.

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herpointofview 2 years ago Author

@kris ... You asked for examples of how to tell if a woman is attracted to you. This is for you:

Hope it helps :)

How about another perspective 2 years ago

Guys, NEVER waste your emotional or physical energy entertaining a woman who is hot and cold. She has a problem with her relationship with herself, in short, she either does not know what she wants, or worse, has a deep rooted emotional crisis occurring at the subconscious level.

A mature woman who has inner peace and strength is a beautiful creature. She will MAKE IT CLEAR where you stand with her, if you are not clear, she is not worth your time. Quickly, and politely, part ways while you seek a woman who knows what she is looking for, and has a mental state stable enough not to need male affirmation from the masses....only one man. And do yourself a favor, be a MAN.

Travis 2 years ago

My situation's a lil different, but similar to what I've read above. We had a great time for 2 weeks, she was all about me and all over me, when we last saw each other it was all smiles and amicable.

Then outta nowhere she drops off the planet for a week and says she needs space and is acting hella cold and not giving me any actual reason behind it.

It's weird cuz she's a logical girl and a feminist, so big deal for her to be in relationship. I'm thinkin that she couldn't handle the strong feelings and how quickly we clicked together. Thoughts anybody?

mrcanada9760 2 years ago

I have been seeing this girl who is doing this very thing and it's driving me nuts. I was casually dating her and it was going well. Once I was no longer dating anyone else she professed her love for me and said she was scared I might hurt her which is why she backed away. We talked hypothetically about marriage, kids, churches, the whole nine yards. She dropped the "I love you" bomb all over the place. I figured I had landed a girlfriend and I was pretty happy about it because I really like the girl.

Then in the span of a week, despite "communicating" with her daily, it feels labored. Like I am the one sending the texts and making the phone calls and sometimes its hours and hours before she responds. I like the girl and am wary about dating other people because I don't want to scare her off again. But if she's not into me anymore then who cares.

I just wish she'd spit it out, where are we at. Does she still love me or has she changed her mind.

Spectrum MAN! Returns! 2 years ago

Well, I got into a relationship shortly after my previous post above from 10 months ago. Although I feel things are going to end relatively soon, I must at least give myself credit for getting as far as I have with this girl, who was super closed off. She is 25 and I am her first everything. The relationship is waaay too much to get into at the moment, but it's making me question whether or not I wish to try again. Her suicide attempt and her bipolar spectrum behaviors are the most difficult things to deal with, and being a man on the autism spectrum who hasn't had much experience with relationships, you can imagine how hard it was/is for me to play the game right and know how to act properly, especially when a suicide attempt and an additional mental issue is thrown into the mix. Yes, fact remains that nice guys finish last, BUT how was I supposed to act during the whole suicide attempt aftermath, especially when I was the only one there for her?

Needless to say, I did screw up a few times by being too nice and she tried to demote me to "just friends" status, but I was smart enough to know better than to accept that and walk away each time. She did end up coming and asking for me back each time. However, .... flash forward to today and I've pretty much had it with her behavior. I'm not sure if the pain of leaving her will exceed the pain of being with her, but... I'm on the verge of giving her keys back, taking my stuff and completely cutting her off. I know that chances are that I may very well go another ten + years or even a lifetime without finding anyone new, but at least I have two choices outside of long term relationships:

1, just accept being alone and enjoy it as much as possible and be thankful that I at least know how to make friends now, or

2, get back into the player mentality and enjoy whoever I choose while it lasts and avoid getting attached, like I used to.

And Elise, yes, I read your response. I appreciate it. However, I have to admit that being on the autism spectrum does affect relationships. It doesn't help that I've lost some skills while in this relationship because I haven't been approaching and practicing with as many girls, and this girl I am with is very closed off and stays to herself - and does so by choice, as she doesn't have social anxiety. I've made the mistake of committing too much to her and becoming too attached to her. Not sure if she is attached to me though...

I do admit that some of the times she wanted to take a break or break up had to do with the fact that she had doubts about the relationship since I did hold back my feelings a lot and pretended to care less than I actually did. But then again, I did NOT get her attention in the first place by being a "nice guy," and I did notice that when I began to mess up and slide in that direction, that's when she would begin to lose some interest. She used to get a little upset when I didn't text her at least every other day or tell her where I was going, but I knew better than to do things like that and become the nice guy who ends up just being a friend!

I wont even get into more of this. I'll just flash forward and say that in the end, I've discovered that all the PUA material I've learned was accurate - you MUST know how to play games *properly* AND know how to be at least somewhat of a bad boy to attract woman, especially in the U.S. It doesn't matter if she has any mental issues or not - all women are pretty much programmed the same psychologically. You are required to know how to play the game, and if you ever stop doing whatever attracted her in the first place, THE ATTRACTION ITSELF STOPS. This is the precise reason so many relationships end and people (usually the guy) are left wondering what happened or why she cheated or why she isn't responding or showing as much interest anymore. They simply stopped doing what attracted her at first. Therefore, the attraction she felt towards him also stopped as well.

Anyway.... despite not saying everything I felt like saying in full detail, I don't feel like continuing all this typing, so I'll stop here.

jjjjjjj 2 years ago


J2 2 years ago

^^please continue

Joniel 22 months ago

Finally. Just thank you

David T 22 months ago

Women are so immature. I dont trust the majority of them in a loving and caring relationship wise... sources past relationships...

3 weeks ago

I just do not get this one girl currently, it's like she expects me to read her mind. The thing is, the lesson I learn from this one girl 2 years ago, even the ones you might think they're into you, they will use you for the attention too.

If a girl isn't clear whether you should pursue her, then there's no point.

The same goes for putting energy into trying to woo her, or even in a friendship, being the one obvious trying to keep in contact, either relationship, isn't healthly. It's likely that neither of you are compatible enough, one of youhas to change.

JMD 7 days ago

I have flirted with someone whom I think is amazing and everything was going well, and he was touching my arm, and it was turning me on and I was enjoying everything but then:

1) I got nervous about us doing thing in front of his mother and our close friends since, we had not really talked about anything and I didn't want to rush to something in front of everyone without talking a little first.

2) I felt too turned on by him in that moment, so I moved away to calm myself down.

3) I started thinking about some factors occurring in my life, which were very significant, and how I wasn't sure if he would be able to deal with me while they would affect me so much (including my immigration status).

Because I moved away from the group to think more about what to do next, since I did like him SO MUCH and didn't want to jump in too quickly with all these pending factors looming, he assumed I didn't like him.

I really just wanted a few moments to spend privately, to flirt and chat rather than in front of a group. I like PDA, but usually I prefer that in front of friends and family when things are clear between people. If it were a bar or something, it wouldn't be so bad-- but these are important people, and every move was not something I would take lightly (his mom was present).

He got pissed off and thought I was just playing with his emotions which I would NEVER do. I was just trying to do things slowly and more intentionally-- with more verbal communication first.

He left and now, I think he thinks I was giving him the cold shoulder and trying to play him in front of our friends and his family.

It's sad because I felt he was amazing in that moment, and I was so in shock that someone so amazing and magical appeared in my life when I least expected it. Then I thought so many things are up in the air-- I'm afraid he wouldn't understand. I guess he didn't.

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herpointofview 6 days ago Author

@JMD, Thank you for your honesty. You must be feeling very sad and disappointed. It sounds to me like this guy had been played before by someone else and was sensitive about it happening again. So often potential relationships are destroyed by lack of communication, understanding and by our own or our partner's insecurities. Women are always being told not to come on too strong, not to be too obvious and to play hard to get, or a man will not be interested. We're told that a man likes to chase a woman. Open, honest women are often portrayed as nerds, stalkers or desperate, or at the other end of the spectrum, as easy or promiscuous. Communication isn't easy when there is already a minefield of misconceptions to negotiate.

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