Why Does a Girl Act Hot and Cold? She is Confusing Me!
Guys, you know the feeling ... one minute she is totally into you, and the next she is ignoring you. Why do women do that? Is she really into you, or is she playing you? What is going on?
Okay, well I readily (and I guess somewhat shamefacedly and somewhat proudly) admit that I have been guilty of the sin of giving mixed signals to men, in certain times of my life, due to certain circumstances. Here are some of my personal reasons why I have acted that way.
Remember! Every woman is different, so don't take the ideas below as gospel. This is just one (that's me xxx) woman's honest opinion.
She's Reacting to Mixed Signals From You
If I am attracted to a man, and I feel that he is sending me mixed signals, then I get nervous. What if he doesn't really like me? What if he's playing me? What if he's already attached and I don't know yet? I will flirt when I feel safe to flirt, but if I feel even the slightest hint that he isn't responsive to my flirting, I will back off and pretend that I'm not all that interested. I might even ignore him the next time I see him, until he gives me some sign again that he is interested in me. Then I will open up again.
Women are sensitive—more than most men (and women) realize! I often take things personally, even if it is not intended that way. If you are having a bad day or are stressed or whatever, just take a second to let me know that THAT is the reason you are brushing me off. Then I will not think it is something that I have done, I'll be happy to give you your space, and I'll be there for you when you are more emotionally available.
She's Into Your Friend
I really, really, REALLY like him, but I'm too shy to flirt outright with him. Soooo, I flirt with the closest person to him because I feel safe and there's no risk. The closest person is usually his friend. Sorry Friend, but if you are honest, you'll admit that you do it to us women too! It means that I can be flirty, funny, charming and everything else wonderful, but if I am rejected by the man I like, well, I wasn't flirting with him was I ? ... ;) ... so I can save face.
The advice here is that if a woman is openly flirting with you, you need to check her body language to see if her attention is fully on you, or if it is on someone else in the room. Same goes if a woman you like is openly flirting with someone else—is she quietly checking to make sure you notice? If a woman is seriously attracted to you, once she receives positive signals from you that you are interested in her, she should stop flirting with your friends. On the other hand, if you make her feel put down or insecure, even in an established relationship, she may just turn to your friends for a much needed confidence boost!
No matter how crazy I might be about a man, sometimes it is inappropriate to flirt or even admit an interest. At these times, I may seem suddenly cold and unresponsive or even ignore him completely—it's not the man, it's the situation. Some examples of this might be:
- We work together and I don't want to flirt in the office and start rumours.
- Either my or your ex is somewhere in the vicinity and I don't want any conflict.
- You are / I am / we are both married or unavailable in some way, and I don't want our feelings made public.
- Someone has said something about our relationship, and I want to prove them wrong or throw them off the scent.
- I'm pretending to others that I'm not interested in you for whatever reason ... trust me!
She's Punishing You
If a guy has hurt me, I'm going to be angry. When I love someone, it opens up my emotions in every way—not just my feelings towards him, but feelings that I have kept repressed for much of my life. I open up to and with him, so if he disappoints me (and he will—he's human), it's like reliving bad memories. I will more than likely overreact, and if he tells me I'm overreacting, I will be even more upset with him. I will punish him by shutting him out and perhaps letting others get closer.
This is the time to listen to a woman. Don't offer advice, just listen. If you felt the same way, you would probably walk away and spend time alone, but a woman needs to talk about it. She is not attacking you personally, she just needs to work her way through the problem. Once she has sorted it out in her head, she will realize and admit that she was overly emotional, and she'll be ready to show appreciation to you for letting her vent.
She's Feeling Insecure ... Help!
Maybe something has happened to make me feel unsure about myself or about our relationship. I'm worried that things are not right. I need the man to prove himself to me. Once, he would have gone off and killed something for our dinner, and I would have known everything was okay. These days, it's a little more complicated. I might test him by being aloof, sad, or perhaps even angry. If he walks away and doesn't give me a sign that he cares, I definitely will be angry. I need him to show me love—he needs to tell me and show me, and then everything will be okay again.
She's Playing You
I'm not interested in him, but I know he has feelings for me, and I love the attention. If he comes on too strong, I'll do everything I can to put him off. If he loses interest, I miss the attention and try to regain it. It's mean, it's cruel, and unfortunately it happens often.
If a woman is doing this to you, move on!
She's Not Into You, but She's Polite
Lots of men are attractive, but that doesn't mean that I want a relationship with all of them. Some men are downright unattractive, but they are still people with feelings and emotions. Sometimes I might just feel flirty, but today I might not notice a man I flirted with yesterday. Sometimes I might politely respond to flirting because it would be rude to do otherwise. Sometimes I might really like a man, but just not in a relationship kind of way, if you get my drift ....
If a woman is attracted to you enough to want to get to know you better, perhaps intimately, you will know. She will find a way to let you know.
I'm not going to pretend otherwise: Woman are complex and complicated individuals, often much more so than men.
I think that the trick, if there is one, in dealing with mixed signals from a woman, is to look at the whole situation. What has just happened? Who is around? What is the woman's overall response to you?
As I said at the beginning, I am definitely guilty of sending mixed signals. However, I personally don't believe that there is one guy out there who I've ever liked—be it a crush or a full on relationship—who didn't know for sure, 100%, that I had feelings for him.
© 2010 herpointofview
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