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Is He Interested . . . . Or Not?

Updated on December 12, 2016

Calling / Messaging

A lot of the time, women want the man to text or call her first. It makes her feel wanted. It means that he thought of you and that he missed you or wanted to talk to you. But what if he starts to never text or call you first? This might mean nothing, but a lot of the time, it might mean something very important.

If he isn't texting or calling you, he may be busy or may not use his phone that much, but normally these are just excuses. He might not want to contact you or he may not be interested. You may be coming on too fast if you are not already dating and this may be intimidating. He may be interested in someone else at the moment and only texts you when he's available. These are all bad signs. Unfortunately, this happens all the time.

Before you accuse someone of not texting or calling you because they like someone else, realize that these situations do not always occur. Accusing him of something is not a good way to solve this.

WARNING!! - Women tend to read into the texting ways of guys too much. Some think that if he doesn't text first, he MUST not be interested. Or if he stops texting throughout a conversation, he MUST not want to talk. This is not a good interpretation and can come through as very needy, which turns a guy off. Don't come through as needy! Act as if you have better things to do than text him and this might interest him and make him want to contact you.

Body Movements

Normally, when a guy likes you, he tends to try to be as desirable as possible to the woman that he finds attractive. Examples of this include: dressing extra nice, straightening of clothing, fixing their hair, or puffing of the chest to try to seem bigger and more manly.

If he is interested, he may make eye contact that lasts longer than a friend's eye contact would. If he's "checking you out" while you talk, this may be a sign that he's interested. If he sits with his legs crossed towards you, it may mean that he likes the closeness.

Some guys just want a fling or a quick relationship that involves no attachment. If a guy is touching you or smiling too much or getting too close to you when he hardly knows you, this may mean that he's not interested in an actual relationship.

Most guys will "accidentally" touch you, brushing your fingers against his when he hands you an object, or nudging you, jokingly, after telling a joke. These acts are not accidents, most of the time. He wants to be near you and the best way of doing that is getting as close to you as possible. This is another way that men show their affection.

Teasing is another possible sign of attraction. If a man teases you or jokes with you a lot more than other girls, he may feel something for you. This may vary depending on the man, but it s a very popular sign.

I'm Guessing He Likes You

Many women think that a guy's secrets are revealed just by knowing these signs of interest. This is obviously very false. Men are very different and have different motives and different ways of expressing interest. A confident man may make eye contact and smile to show that he's interested, but a shy man might not feel comfortable enough to make that eye contact. This does not mean that he doesn't like you.

It's very hard to know for sure whether a man likes you, but a simple solution is to just ask. If you do not feel comfortable, that is totally your choice. Women who want a direct answer and do not want to be led on may ask right away. Yes, this is intimidating for the men sometimes, but at least the question is out there.

Lastly, it is not the end of the world if this man does not like you. Trust me, it's not. Even though it may feel like he is your only option and that your life may be ruined if he doesn't, you will move on.

A Note From the Author

I think that I wrote this article because I needed some sort of help, too. There's this guy that I've liked for a while now and I recently had the opportunity to tell him of my affections for him.

He began to send me text messages telling me that I am beautiful and that I'm smart and funny. I took this as a sign. Wouldn't it make sense that he likes me? Of course I am a woman, so I notice immediately that I am sending the first text everyday. What does this mean? Am I just out of my mind, or what?

I feel vulnerable and I'm not sure what to do. I have already questioned him about whether he likes me and his response was very positive. He wants to hang out with me this weekend. But last night, I went to Youth at my church and he had said that he was going to be there. An hour or so before it started, he texted me, telling me that he wasn't going to be there because he was in bed with a fever. How do I read that? My first response was extreme disappointment, but I texted back with a, "That's okay! Feel better!" I'm not sure whether he was actually sick or if he was blowing me off. I'm almost scared to know. My feelings tell me to stop judging him and to believe that he was sick, but a major part of my intuition tells me that he was lying.

But the thing is, my life will not be over if this guy tells me that he's not interested. Even though my heart will sink and I'll probably never want to see him again. Even though I may want to start crying and hide in the dark of my room forever. I can't think that he is my only option. I must realize that even though he seems like the perfect person, there are many other "perfect" guys out there. He is just one of them. I can't give up or act needy. I can't let my emotions control me and take me over. I have to be positive and just hope for the best.

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    • profile image

      PeggyReynolds 3 months ago

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      lp 4 months ago

      i like this story because my boyfriend he doesn't text me first and i think that he doesn't like me and that he is over me already and i don't want him to be.

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      Melissa 5 months ago

      Right..so I know this guy..known him for a few months buh we were both in relationships at that time..now we're both single..he came round 1 time and we did stuff..a couple of days later he told me he thought we had something..then he told me that me really likes me and I told him the same..I've seen him again since..we did stuff again..I've done if he actually likes me other if he's just after 1 thing..I've done have messaged him and asked him buh I've heard nothing back yet..I've dim just going to leave him to it for a few days tho..don't want to seem needy cause that's what thing I ain't is needy..I really like him tho and would love to have a future with him..can someone give me some advice please??

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      bonna may 3 years ago

      just wanna ask.,what will i do to my boyfriend if i will know that he's not telling exactly the truth or he's just lying to me? how do i know if he's dating with someone else? were in a long distance relationship..... i just really need your advice thank you...

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      bonna may 3 years ago

      this is really good. thanks for sharing your knowledge..

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      GlendaGoodWitch 3 years ago from California

      Nice article. I like the way you presented it. I believe that when women become interested in a man they can spend too much time reading into what a guy does and what he does not do. We deal with our emotions differently and this is why I always admonish my friends not to become intimate with a man too soon. :)

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      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      This is a very good hub. As far as the guy you like, always go with your intuition, It could have been true that he was sick with a fever; however, it's hard to tell. you know how guys are very unpredictable. I've read that cancelling plans at the very last minute is one sneaky way that men test women. I don't doubt that he likes you, but you know how guys are: they love the thrill of the chase since they are hunters by nature, so I would let him chase you. Rather than you being the one texting him first, let him track you down. When a man wants to be with you ,nothing can keep him away. When he does call you, don't be too available. Don't be too quick in answering his calls either. If he calls and leaves a message, then you can call him at your own convenience. No further explanations needed. The key is to arouse his curiosity in such a way that you will be on his mind at all times. Let him miss you sometimes.This is one of the ways to test a man's attraction especially during the beginning stages of a relationship. When he invites you out, don't be too available too. Let him know that you also have a life apart from his.

      As for sara, comment above, I would drop this guy like a hot potato. He already told you that he doesn't want you to start liking him for whatever reason and he is happy living alone. He is probably involved with someone else who knows or might just be keeping his options opened. You are his backup plan in case he is bored or runs out of options. I am speaking from experience. Do visit my page sometime and read some of my relationship hubs.

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      sara 4 years ago

      ie been seeing a guy for 4 months now , when hes had a drink he tells me he loves me and that he doesn't want to lose me and wants to eventually settle down but when sober he is completely different he told me he doesn't want me getting feelings for him and that hes happyliving alone and hes never going to let himself get hurt again but he asks me to give him chances , what do i do ??

    • Lisa Marie Hunt profile image

      Lisa Marie Hunt 4 years ago

      Very interesting article. I always wondered this when I was in high school. Their was a boy in high school that I really liked and admired. He and I shared so much personal and intimate information. I did ask him at one point if he liked me and he told me honestly that he only liked me as a friend. It was hard but I am glad he had the decency to tell me the truth and not lead me on. We stayed close all throughout high school. And I know he cared for me. I agree that as women, we should not take it too personally if the guy doesn't show the same intimacy or desire for a relationship as us. We should just let them go if that is the wish. I would rather be loved and desired than be with a man who leads me on. I have a great husband now, though, and he has a wife. I am so glad that everything works out in the end despite what we feel in the moment!

    • hoperene profile image
      Author

      Hope Garza 4 years ago from Florida

      MasculistFeminist- I really do appreciate you taking time to reply. I agree with you- there are technically no "rules" involved in dating, if you consider the differences between every human being. It's just easier to comprehend everything when you have some sort of "guidelines," if that's even the right word. I've just recently had issues with guys using me and acting as if they care about me, and then acting as if I never existed. This, I know, is not the way that all guys are. I've met many a guy that are the complete opposite. I guess I'm just trying to understand what's going on in my life as well as help others that are in need some sort of assistance in their lives. Again, thank you again for posting:)

    • hoperene profile image
      Author

      Hope Garza 4 years ago from Florida

      I know exactly what you mean, abbykorinnelee. I'm going through something like this and I figured I might as well write about it. I hope everything works out for you and your friend :)

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      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      We met a year after high school. Still friends and I am in my thirteis. You know I can have a certain kind of inimacy with him:) and I am not shy at all, but make me say I have feelings for you (duh) and I will have a heart attack. I acutally after reading this decided to email it but at the end of an email that was detailing our one sided argument...lol now I don' tknow if there is a way to pretend it didn't happen and I have to see the man tomorrow. I hope we make it out of this funk despite it all

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      Ryan 4 years ago from Australia

      I wanted to respond to this article as I am quite touched by it. From what I have read I would not be surprised if this guy is actually quite shy. I am taking a guess as I do not know him, but there were a number of tell-tale signs in what you described. Firstly he told you how he felt initially by text rather than face to face (Which is a more confronting and higher context form of communication). However when you later questioned him he did not deny his feelings. So he meant what he said but yet again he did not initiate the face to face communication, you did. Then he says he wants to go out with you on the weekend but when the time comes his nerves overtake him and he bails. Don't be mistaken, just because a guy might appear settled around you, does not mean he feels that way in side.

      I am certainly not picking on you, but women need to understand that not every guy is a hunter and not every girl is meant to be the hunted. There are a lot of shy guys out there and many get quite nervous or simply don't make the first move even when we are starstruck in love. It is only natural for you to want the guy to make the first text or call. That is what we have been socialised to expect in dating. However many men (and women) have personalities that simply don't conform to these social norms and expectations. Men and women need to be aware that people are far more diverse than the dating rules/stereotypes we have been raised believe in. Sometimes women are better suited to playing role of the hunter in dating and men the hunted. It differs from one individual to the next and there is no one size fits all. Again I don't blame you, in the modern age the rules of dating need serious revision. We could all learn something (Me included!).

      The reason I responded was because I myself am a fairly shy guy and it sounded to me like this guy might be a bit afraid. Generally the more afraid a shy guy is, the more he likes you. Often in the past I have been very nervous around girls when we have first gone out. I have not bailed, but once I had to go to the bathroom to catch my breath. I was pretty in love at the time! I have also really had to work myself up to ask them out and make the first move. I have found that I get way more relaxed when the girl takes the lead. I have also discovered when things happen more slowly I relax a lot more too. This notion that guys want to get into bed with women as fast as possible is often very untrue.

      Rather than this guy being a tool (not saying that you think that way about him), I suspect he might be a really nice but shy guy. If I could offer a suggestion it would for you to continue to take the lead a bit. What will happen after a while is he will start to come out of his shell. Ask him how he is going and encourage him to talk. Show interest and attention when he does talk and he will be feel more and more at ease with you. Perhaps do an activity with him that acts as an icebreaker or meet up with friends first and later on have one on one time. I am certainly no expert on dating, they are just suggestions.

      Thank you for sharing this online. It is good to know how the other gender experiences things like this. I can learn from you and we can learn from each other. All I can say is how you feel is not mutually exclusive to women. We worry about whether girls like us as much we hope they do all the time! Both genders seriously do need to move beyond guys always making the first move. I can't begin to tell you how many relationships girls miss out on because they don't make the first move themselves. Just because we don't call you first or are not the first to ask you out does not mean we are not into you. We might be shy, unsure, think you already have a boyfriend or think you are not interested in us.

      abbykorinnelee-Hear, hear! Happened to me too. I was too shy and I just couldn't bring myself to tell her how I felt. I was in high school and have long lost contact with her. I am still pretty shy around girls but I have come out of my shell a bit since then. It happens to us guys too.

      hoperene-I could be wrong but I 'd say he is interested you. Judging from what I have read, you seem like a really nice girl and if the worst happens trust me there are plenty of guys that would love to go out with someone like you. So don't lose hope.

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      Abigayle Malchow 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

      There is a guy that stole my heart and I didn't realize it until after he had moved away. We remained close friends but I didn't tell him the truth about how I felt. I assumed he hadn't felt it about me or he would have told me. Do you know that is the only thing in my life I can say I regret...not telling him. Because I don't think it ever truly stopped and I think that we missed out on something great and now there is tension and its not making sense as to why its this bickering and its always different and not what its really about I don't think. I assumed I wasn't good enough for him. I still assume I am not good enough that there is no way he could ever want me...but I might have been really wrong for not telling him. It needs to stop mattering what we thnk we see and it needs to be we say it because we feel it and it won't affect our dynamics