Is He Interested or Not?
Why Guys Act Distant When They Like You
There are plenty of reasons why a guy might be acting distant, even though you think he might be interested in you.
He's Not Sure
It's possible that he's not really sure if he likes you yet. Feelings and relationships are complicated and have the potential to be painful, so it makes sense that he might be keeping you at a distance before he's certain about how he feels.
He's Afraid of Rejection
Yes, guys can be afraid of rejection, too. Nobody likes rejection. And, as I mentioned above, since the beginning of a new relationship or liaison is an uncertain time, he might not be sure about how you feel about him. Maybe he's afraid of taking a risk and opening himself up to you.
He's Trying to Play It Cool
There are a lot of misconceptions out there about what girls and guys want in each other. Lots of guys are taught from a young age that girls are only interested in a certain type of man, and so they try to personify that stereotype. Often, this leads to guys trying to "play it cool," and acting like they don't really care because they want you to think they are "cool."
He Seems Interested but Doesn't Text Me
A lot of the time, women want the man to text or call her first because it makes her feel wanted. It means that he thought of you and missed you or wanted to talk to you. But what if he starts to never text or call you first? What if you're always the one initiating the conversation, and it's starting to feel like he doesn't care anymore? This might mean nothing, but a lot of the time, it can mean something very important.
If he isn't texting or calling you, he may be busy or may not use his phone that much, but normally, these are just excuses. He might not want to contact you or he may not be interested. You may be coming on too fast if you are not already dating and this may be intimidating. He may be interested in someone else at the moment and only texts you when he's available. These are all bad signs. Unfortunately, this happens all the time.
Before you accuse someone of not texting or calling you because they like someone else, realize that these situations do not always occur. Accusing him of something is not a good way to solve this.
He Seems Interested in Person but Not Over Text
Maybe he sends one-word responses or takes hours to respond to every message. This can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you really feel like you really hit it off in person. So, what does it mean?
He's Just a Bad Texter
It's entirely possible that the guy you're interested in is just a bad texter. Believe it or not, there are plenty of people out there who rarely look at their phones, or keep them on silent and only check them once every few hours. Studies have found that women are better at multitasking, so it's possible that a guy, even if he likes you, is fixated on some other objective while you're texting him, so he's not 100% focused on getting back to you right away.
You can tell if that's the problem by spending time with him. Is he focused on you, or doing some concrete task and not looking at his phone? Or is he scrolling through his phone 24/7? If it's the latter and he takes forever to text you back, he's probably not that interested in you.
He's Playing Hard to Get
All relationship advice should be taken with a grain of salt, especially the advice you get from your peers. It's possible that he's trying to create intrigue and play "hard to get" because it's something he was told to do to make you like him. Maybe his friend told him it "wasn't cool" to text someone back in under 30 minutes. While this may be confusing and frustrating for you, he might think he's doing something that's going to make you even more interested in him.
Women tend to read into the texting ways of guys too much. Some think that if he doesn't text first, he MUST not be interested. Or if he stops texting throughout a conversation, he MUST not want to talk. This is not a good interpretation and can come through as very needy, which turns a guy off. Don't come through as needy! Act as if you have better things to do than text him and this might interest him and make him want to contact you.
Signs He Likes You
Normally, when a guy likes you, he tends to try to be as desirable as possible to the woman that he finds attractive. Examples of this include:
- dressing extra nice,
- straightening their clothing,
- fixing their hair,
- or puffing up their chest to try to seem bigger and manlier.
If he is interested, he may make eye contact that lasts longer than a friend's eye contact would. If he's "checking you out" while you talk, this may be a sign that he's interested. If he sits with his legs crossed towards you, it may mean that he likes the closeness.
Some guys just want a fling or a quick relationship that involves no attachment. If a guy is touching you or smiling too much or getting too close to you when he hardly knows you, this may mean that he's not interested in an actual relationship.
Most guys will "accidentally" touch you, brushing your fingers against his when he hands you an object, or nudging you, jokingly, after telling a joke. These acts are not accidents, most of the time. He wants to be near you and the best way of doing that is getting as close to you as possible. This is another way that men show their affection.
Teasing is another possible sign of attraction. If a man teases you or jokes with you a lot more than other girls, he may feel something for you. This may vary depending on the man, but it's a very popular sign.
All Men Are Different
Many women think that a guy's secrets are revealed just by knowing these signs of interest. This is obviously very false. Men are very different and have different motives and ways of expressing interest. A confident man may make eye contact and smile to show that he's interested, but a shy man might not feel comfortable enough to make eye contact. That does not mean he doesn't like you.
It's very hard to know for sure whether a man likes you, but a simple solution is to just ask. If you do not feel comfortable, that is totally your choice. Women who want a direct answer and do not want to be led on may ask right away. Yes, this is intimidating for the men sometimes, but at least the question is out there.
Lastly, it is not the end of the world if this man does not like you. Trust me, it's not. Even though it may feel like he is your only option and that your life may be ruined if he doesn't, you will move on.
A Note From the Author
I think that I wrote this article because I needed some sort of help, too. There's this guy that I've liked for a while now and I recently had the opportunity to tell him of my affections for him.
He began to send me text messages telling me that I am beautiful and that I'm smart and funny. I took this as a sign. Wouldn't it make sense that he likes me? Of course I am a woman, so I notice immediately that I am sending the first text every day. What does this mean? Am I just out of my mind, or what?
I feel vulnerable and I'm not sure what to do. I have already questioned him about whether he likes me and his response was very positive. He wants to hang out with me this weekend. But last night, I went to Youth at my church and he had said that he was going to be there. An hour or so before it started, he texted me, telling me that he wasn't going to be there because he was in bed with a fever.
How do I read that? My first response was extreme disappointment, but I texted back with a "That's okay! Feel better!" I'm not sure whether he was actually sick or if he was blowing me off. I'm almost scared to know. My feelings tell me to stop judging him and to believe that he was sick, but a major part of my intuition tells me that he was lying.
But the thing is, my life will not be over if this guy tells me that he's not interested. Even though my heart will sink and I'll probably never want to see him again. Even though I may want to start crying and hide in the dark of my room forever.
I can't think that he is my only option. I must realize that even though he seems like the perfect person, there are many other "perfect" guys out there. He is just one of them. I can't give up or act needy. I can't let my emotions control me and take me over. I have to be positive and just hope for the best.