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What Makes a Man Attractive To Women

Updated on May 18, 2017

She Wants To Feel Wanted

Regardless of changing times, a woman still wants the same things from men that she has wanted since the beginning of time. Ultimately, she wants and needs to feel cherished and protected by the man she desires. Quite simply, her woman's heart requires that she feel cared for. There is no other way around it, nor should there be.

Secondly, a perceptive woman will hold back a part of herself if she believes a man is only nominally interested in her---she may even discontinue the "relationship" before it truly has a chance to grow if she senses the male is only killing time with her until someone "better" comes along.

Thirdly, the man who fully embraces his maleness and who also has that wonderful juxtaposition of virility and tenderness is a highly desirable and attractive male. When all is said and done, strength, tenderness and authenticity combined, are the three traits that women find most attractive in a man.

Once a woman realizes her man is the real deal, wild horses couldn't drive her away. She feels safe with a man who maintains high standards for living and loving. Needless to say, disingenuous behavior such as lying, cheating, and/or breaking promises will tarnish and ultimately destroy any relationship.

Hugh Jackman: Authentic, masculine, loving husband, family man.. No wonder his marriage of 19 years is so successful. (His wife helped too!)
Hugh Jackman: Authentic, masculine, loving husband, family man.. No wonder his marriage of 19 years is so successful. (His wife helped too!)

You Do Not Have to Be Rich and Powerful to Be Attractive

Unfortunately, too many men have bought into the notion that women only want men who are "hot," rich, and powerful. It is true that some women are gold diggers, but those women are not quite as common as some men might fear.

On a superficial level, wealth and power can be attractive, but believe me when I say that a worthwhile woman is much more concerned with whether a man shows her some respect and maturity. Wealth and power are all well and good, but a truly decent woman isn't interested in making love to your bank account. She wants a flesh and blood man who will be there for her through the hard times as well as good times. Only a cynical man believes that all women want is half of his hard-earned assets. Such men truly miss the point of marriage and its' noble purpose, which is to love, cherish and provide stability for the family and thus, society.

How To Turn Her Off Really Fast

Sadly, many woman have come to believe that the good man is a dying species. More and more dating women are complaining about how men are acting out in strange ways. For example, some guys somehow believe that sending half-naked pictures of themselves to a woman they hardly know, via text or by making sexually suggestive comments on a first date, is a turn-on for her. It isn't. Not even remotely.

Men who act this way will never have the attention of a quality woman. Such immature and foolish behavior is highly insulting and disrespectful. Also, being a real man and displaying aggressive machismo techniques are at opposite ends of the "manliness" spectrum. Any male who confuses the two will never sustain a meaningful relationship with a loving woman who actually likes herself. The type of man who texts a woman at 11pm to find out if she wants to “do something” is not only on the wrong track, he has actually missed the train altogether. This should be obvious, but apparently some things need to be stated.

On the other hand, the world is full of decent men who are able and willing to treat women well. And some of you, who have been fortunate enough to find the woman of your dreams, are usually more than happy to let your best friend know he’s acting like an idiot if he thinks a good date consists of turning every conversation around to sex, sex, and more sex. Women want to be seen as a whole human being, not a combination body parts.

Improving Yourself Will Improve Your Love Life

Any reasonably intelligent man is perfectly capable of choosing to develop some attractive characteristics, that is, if he sincerely wants to draw a desirable woman into his life. However, in order to find the right woman in the first place, he must commit to working on becoming the right man. The rest will actually take care of itself. Consequently, it helps to develop some self-discipline.

No doubt, men also feel frustrated about dating. Some of the angst has to do with women wanting equal rights, yet also wanting to be treated in a "special" way. But what men need to understand and accept is that her desire to be treated special is a perfectly normal and healthy feeling. Even men have this feeling, and it has nothing to do with equal rights.

Perhaps some of you guys out there believe you are walking an emotional tightrope in trying to figure out what to do to please a woman. You don't have to feel that way. Most women do not believe that chivalry is sexist. Normal women love gentleman. However, given today's attitude of political correctness, some women are afraid to admit how much they enjoy chivalry because they fear being viewed as "unfair", old fashioned, or even elitists.

On the other hand, any man who throws the equal rights argument in a woman's face to get out of acting like a gentleman is bad news. All of his relationships will be sub-standard because he has chosen to manipulate "equal rights" to his advantage by stating that women no longer have the right to be treated well, since they have demanded equal rights. Huh? That's just plain wrong. Such men are not worthy of a good woman's time.

A profound statement.
A profound statement.

Little Things Mean A Lot

One of the most important things any male can do to please a woman is to first, pursue her and to then make her feel as if she is the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth. If that means writing her a sweet note or giving her a cute bouquet of flowers or a single pink balloon, then so be it. Women love these little acts of kindness and the more creative they are, the better. But keep in mind---timing is everything. You never want to go over-the-top too soon. Too much too soon really isn't wise or necessary. Overwhelming her with too much attention or gifts will actually work against you. The reason for this is because women need to feel safe. If she feels overwhelmed, she might question your intentions.

The good news is that whether you're the extroverted jock or the bookish professor, you have something to offer a woman. One type does not fit all. One woman may be intrigued by the kindly man who is reserved and philosophical while the other woman seeks the extroverted guy who can make her laugh until tears stream down her face. The point is that each man has unique and wonderful attributes to bring to the table.

A good way to ruin a budding relationship...
A good way to ruin a budding relationship...

Best Not to Put the Cart Before the Horse

If you really want a woman to find you attractive, you've got to do some good old-fashioned courting before you even attempt to get her into your bed. Furthermore, it's appropriate for the man to do the courting, not the other way around. Committing to doing little things like pulling out chairs and opening doors are nice ways to say, "I like and respect you." I cannot stress the importance of these small chivalrous gestures. Secure women especially appreciate being treated like the ladies they are.

And for those of you who already have a special woman in your life, you would do well to tell her she is beautiful, hold her hand in public and in private, and leave the occasional love note lying around where she can find it easily before she heads out to work in the morning. And at the end of each night, be sure to tell her how much you love her. Such simple, loving gestures cannot be underestimated. I mention this only because it is easy for married couples to take each other for granted as time goes on. However, neglecting small kindnesses is a sure-fire way to kill romance over the long haul. It's always best to keep the fire burning. I am sure you already know why!

Send her a note with a beautiful message... better yet, just tell her.
Send her a note with a beautiful message... better yet, just tell her.

If you learn nothing else from this hub, learn this: A woman must feel desired by the man in her life. She may already know she is physically attractive but if she doesn't hear it from you, she's going to feel as if she isn't very desirable. Consequently, one of the most important things a man can do is to tell a woman how much he appreciates her. Just speaking those words out loud and from your heart is one of the most romantic ways to show her that you care. Simple compliments are so easy to give and the rewards are great.

Qualities That Women Find Highly Attractive In Men

You don’t have to have all of these traits, but you must develop some of them if you want to pull women toward you instead of away from you.

  • Kindness
  • Courageousness
  • Faithfulness
  • Masculinity
  • Authenticity
  • Passion
  • Intelligence

A caring and protective man.
A caring and protective man.
  • Good Grooming
  • Good Lover
  • Moral Character
  • Decisiveness
  • Tenderness
  • Protectiveness
  • Reliability
  • Helpfulness
  • Maturity
  • Emotionally Stable
  • Economically Responsible
  • Humor
  • Caring
  • Forgiving
  • Patience
  • Humility
  • Integrity
  • Generosity of spirit
  • Chivalry

Character Still Counts

If you’ll notice, I did not include one word here about the need for extreme wealth and “abs like steel.” True, some women do care about wealth and good looks alone. These are the same women who wonder what went wrong when, out of the blue, their husbands unexpectedly announce, "Sorry dear, I’ve fallen in love with my secretary." Long story short, it takes more than wealth or good looks to keep a relationship intact.

If you want real affection in your life, you have to develop character. Owning trendy "stuff" and expensive cars is fine, but those things are not enough when it comes time for some serious love-making. You can't lug the car into bed with you. If a male hasn't learned how to make a woman feel valued, he can forget about having a satisfying and meaningful love life with a desirable woman.

The ladies don't get a "free-get-out-of-jail card" either. Women must step it up by becoming a classy woman who has self-respect. Being a lady doesn't make a woman a prude. If anything, her confidence in knowing when to move forward and when to wait is actually very sexy, not to mention---incredibly smart.

Just know that once you become the authentic man you were meant to be, you'll have no problem finding a woman who would like nothing better than to stay warm and cozy with you all night long---not just for one night, but every night.

Remember---your passion and virility is the glue that holds your love together but your tender loving care is the reason she wants to stay.

Happy loving....Savvy

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  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 7 months ago

    Good point, Nell. If you don't have a sense of humor, the rest is moot. Thanks for the reminder :)

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 7 months ago from England

    I always tend to look for humor first. If a guy makes me laugh then he is well on the way to being what I like. Really interesting stuff!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 19 months ago

    Absolutely. No question that women look at the overall picture where men are concerned. She is the one who feels compelled to think about her future children, and naturally, this is why she must choose her mate well.

  • tamarawilhite profile image

    Tamara Wilhite 19 months ago from Fort Worth, Texas

    For a long term relationship / children, women look for traits that make him a good provider and father. Loyalty, ability to protect and support her, etc.

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 19 months ago

    Oztinato...In dating relationships, perhaps five years or less. For marriages, the average time is eight years. However, I prefer not to think in those terms. (It's too defeatist.)

    I will say that if a couple dates for many years and if that union does not lead to marriage, then one party (the one who wants to be married) will ultimately call it quits.

    Personally, I would never stay with a man who isn't madly in love with me.

    Maybe that was the case with the Chinese woman? Perhaps the parents wanted a marriage. Honestly, I have no way of knowing, but if that were so, I wouldn't blame them.

  • Oztinato profile image

    Oztinato 19 months ago from Australia

    Savvy

    in your experience aren't relationships usually over after 5 years or so these days?

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 19 months ago

    Darn. Too bad about the Chinese woman. Maybe you should consider a Brazilian beauty. They're exotic. You'll meet some who is right and whose parents can accept you as well---in time.

  • Oztinato profile image

    Oztinato 19 months ago from Australia

    Yep do that a lot. Black, white or asian. I like exotic women. I'm European.

    I've had several long term relationships. The last was with a much younger (!) Chinese lady and although her family destroyed us she was the nicest kindest lady I ever met and she didn't want to leave which was very moving.

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 19 months ago

    I see. I have some familiarity with the Chinese culture, but not enough to advise you properly, I fear. My step-sister married an Asian man and things did not work out due to his possessiveness.

    You are a different and highly refined man. Have you thought about dating outside your race? Again, not meaning to be politically incorrect.

  • Oztinato profile image

    Oztinato 19 months ago from Australia

    Unfortunately I need all my fingers for art and piano! The ex's mistakes often literally follow them around. Many women have a biological attraction to macho men even if they are white collar women. It's a perilous path for males with dozens of rivals out there. These are biological factors relating to all mammals. Many women like to be fought over both figuratively and literally. I've often got the better of rivals if the female is present but it's what happens out of sight that gets weird.

    Relatives are usually a huge obstacle with Chinese women where relatives rule.

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 19 months ago

    Oztinato, you might be better off trying to meet women who are used to dating men who are a bit more "white collar." Yeah, I know that is not politically correct, but frankly, I wonder if these women you've come across can truly appreciate a more refined male such as yourself. If the fist fight thing is the ex's only "virtue," well---that's not saying much about the other guy, and I have to wonder why she chose him.

    Just know that a worthwhile woman can feel safe with a more sophisticated male, provided he has an even temper and the ability to wither a rival with his demeanor, although he shouldn't have to prove he is Clint Easteood, either.

    If all else fails, you can always take boxing lessons. Lol. (I'm only half kidding.) ;)

  • Oztinato profile image

    Oztinato 19 months ago from Australia

    Savvy

    I've seen the competition cleverly use the "feeling safe" idea by using threats to raise the idea they could do a better job in a fist fight.

    The jealousy is due to the fact I have professionals skills in art and piano vs they might be labourers etc.

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 19 months ago

    Oztinato....Ha! You are correct. We women don't know about that particular drama. Thanks for letting us in on the secret.

    I imagine it is awfully difficult to keep one's "cool" or composure under such circumstances. But all we can do is plow ahead and hope for the best.

    You may be better looking than the average male---thus the competition.

    All you can do is to remain sympathetic to her, while maintaining your own male spirit. In the end, all we can do is stand our ground---even if it ruffles the feathers of the "rooster" relatives. The involved parties will deal with it if that is their only real option. If the woman isn't understanding, well...it could be she really needs to let go. The ex's opinion should be of no concern to her. He is an ex for a reason.

  • Oztinato profile image

    Oztinato 19 months ago from Australia

    That was good revision on the do's and don'ts of dating.

    I'm not good at how to deal with relatives and ex's as it seems out of my control. By ex's I mean the lady's ex's and/or rivals who basically want to destroy me! This is a typical thing from the invisible male world that maybe women don't know about. It's more like an episode of the Simpsons combined with a dash of Stephen King.

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 2 years ago

    Thank you, sweet word55. I recently made a few changes on the hub, so I am gratified to hear that it isn't too bad. Lol..

    Furthermore, I think you should write about what men like. We woman need to know!

  • word55 profile image

    Word 2 years ago from Chicago

    Hi savvy, this was powerful wisdom for guys to know and believe in. I enjoyed reading this. You hit it right on the head. Maybe I'll do a hub, What Makes Women Attractive To Men? May you continue with successful writing. Voted up! God bless!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 2 years ago

    Good question, moonfroth. Any relationship of convenience is nothing more than a transfer of money for goods. No woman really wants to her worth to be attached to a price tag…..unless she is in the business of selling herself.

    Your average woman wants to believe she is viewed as priceless, and that she is not a mere convenience. Consequently, my thought is the mail order bride phenomenon is a mistake. It cheapens what ought to be valuable, namely, love---the kind that two people form together and which is based on feelings of respect, attraction and mutual values, rather than whether one is a Scandinavian blond built like a brick house. You can’t get meaningful love from an advertisement. That being said, I knew a man who ordered his bride. She stayed. He was creepy.

    Anyway, even internet dating can be problematic if either party expects instant gratification. Love just doesn’t work that way. You have to take the time to build something solid and meaningful. Otherwise, the relationship will almost always fall apart at the first gust of wind. But, you know all that. Thanks for asking.

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 2 years ago

    Hello chaitanyasaivb. I do understand the quandary of “nice men” who feel rejected by women. It is not always an easy thing to combine gentlemanly qualities with raw maleness. It can be done, but it is rare. In short, it is a matter of giving yourself permission to express both qualities. I do not mean to sound too simplistic, but think of it as an attitude that is acquired through consistent practice. If it is any consolation to you, women also feel rejected by men for not being attractive enough. Dating isn’t easy, but it does get better with practice. Thank you kindly for stopping by. I appreciate your comment very much.

  • moonfroth profile image

    Clark Cook 2 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

    Savvy - increasingly, I see adds on TV for electronic dating. The perfect mate is guaranteed, forget the bar scene, the perfect woman for you is in our data banks, meet a beautiful Russian lady, Asian women for seniors you too can meet a left-handed 6' tall Lithuanian blonde.......good grief! it's got almost that silly! What's your opinion of this 'modern' way to get a date?

  • chaitanyasaivb profile image

    Sai Chaitanya 2 years ago from INDIA

    Its not a easy task to attract a woman, sometimes. Because, Now a days, we will find many woman rejecting a person, who has got all the qualities of a gentleman. But, your tips are good. Hope, People may follow, to attract a woman.

  • Prince Bethel profile image

    prince bethel 2 years ago from Africa

    It's my pleasure, you're welcome!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 2 years ago

    I'm glad you found it useful, Prince Bethel. Thank you for commenting.

  • Prince Bethel profile image

    prince bethel 2 years ago from Africa

    Hmm, this is nice and useful. Great hub!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 3 years ago

    I am very happy if I was able to be of help to you, sabna Sajin. Thank you for stopping by to leave such a lovely comment. Best wishes to you.

  • profile image

    sabna Sajin 3 years ago

    Very powerful information. I got my life back thank you very much

  • Danext profile image

    Dan Lema 3 years ago from Tanzania

    You are welcomed savvydating, my pleasure......

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 3 years ago

    Thank you Danext. How kind of you.

  • Danext profile image

    Dan Lema 3 years ago from Tanzania

    Ooooh ok, thats interesting.........and about the dating site, it seems like an interesting venture...i'm my observation, i would also advice you to go ahead.....you're so knowledgeable about the subject, and it's natural; so go for it. I will be following you in here for your new and fresh interesting ideas....and even if you want to start a website, i will also follow you there...:)...

  • Danext profile image

    Dan Lema 3 years ago from Tanzania

    Ok, i think i didn't express that well, my apologies. What i meant to ask is, are you dating coach?/....Because i find your tips very insightful, like someone who is very experienced with men....

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hello Danext...Thank you for the votes up. PUA is a term reserved for men who pick up women. Consequently, I don't qualify. That being said, I am not a woman who picks up men. Never have been. But I do know how women can attract men without having to resort to getting fake body parts, etc. It's a thing of confidence, posture, style and other subtle "ways of being."

  • Danext profile image

    Dan Lema 3 years ago from Tanzania

    Very informative, bulk of helpful tips in one article, explained well.....voted up / useful/ interesting and following....are you a PUA?

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hi tomy101. You are very gracious. Thank you for pointing out that there is a distinction between long term and short term. Glad to have you stop by!

  • tomy101 profile image

    Christopher Hyer 3 years ago from Midland, Texas

    Good information to a guy that writes about ,"How to pick up women" type hubs. In general, a woman just wants respect and likewise. Dating material such as my pick up articles are not meant for long term romance. It is good to make a distinction over what is real and long term as you have versus the short term, one night fling, I tend to write about. Thank You

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 3 years ago

    Thank you, Bob Go. How very kind you are. Thank you for stopping by!

  • Bob Go profile image

    Harry Baldwin 3 years ago from New England (various locations)

    Nice job - there is a lot of misinformation here in most men's heads!

  • profile image

    Rayne123 3 years ago

    Thank you and yes I enjoyed it very much. The writing was great also.

    Blessings

    Laurie

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hi Rayne123. I didn't take it that way. I just wanted to expand upon that thought of young women because I suddenly remembered how not knowing I used to be. Mostly, I was just very pleased that you enjoyed the hub and left such a fine compliment about the hub being powerful and beautiful!

  • profile image

    Rayne123 3 years ago

    Yes thank you, I read it again this morning and hope it didn't come across as all young woman, as some are way beyond their years, especially today. Just as some older ones may be still in that place.

    But as you said we do gain a bit of maturity and that maturity gains us a bit of knowledgeable information.

    Thank you again

    Blessings

    Laurie

  • savvydating profile image
    Author

    Yves 3 years ago

    Thank you kindly, Rayne123. When I was young, I was too inexperienced to be able to read men well or even know what I should be looking for. Now I can spot things that a lot of people might dismiss. But that's an aside to your comment. What I'm saying is that we can all come to recognize who has those respectful qualities and who doesn't, over time. That being said, I've met a couple of young women on Hubpages who are savvy beyond their years. But you are right. Gaining a bit of maturity and getting our priorities lined up usually comes with age.

  • profile image

    Rayne123 3 years ago

    Beautiful and powerful hub.

    Beautiful words and well written, you most definitely hit it right on when it comes to what a woman wants, or most of us anyway.

    I think when you are very young, you still want those characteristics in a man of course however the young ones may define those differently than us older ones do.

    I think money is a big thing for most younger girls as opposed to older woman. What ever the case may be it all sums up to love and respect which in return leaves the most powerful feeling in the world.

    I love that song by Bruno Mars, it has a beautiful message.

    Thank you

    Laurie

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 4 years ago

    Hi, Missing Link.

    I read your other comment as well, and I appreciate your sharing your feelings.Thanks for stopping by - you're always welcome to visit

    -Savvy

  • Missing Link profile image

    Missing Link 4 years ago from Oregon

    Great Hub!

    Thanks!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 4 years ago

    Hi, rose-the-planner. I actually wrote the hub in response to the awful things that women tell me men are saying and doing, on or after first dates,- like texting sleazy messages, etc. And these are self-respecting women who are experiencing this nonsense! So I'm thinking, how can some men be so clueless. Are they reading too many men's magazines, or what? At any rate, I hope some guys who are seeking answers will read the hub and try to understand that if they develop some new characteristics, they might have a much better chance at finding and keeping real love.

  • rose-the planner profile image

    rose-the planner 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario-Canada

    I found your article interesting and insightful! By the way the Bruno Mars video was a perfect choice. I think too many guys take great ladies for granted. Thanks for sharing!

  • savvydating profile image
    Author

    Yves 4 years ago

    Hi Moonfroth. The short answer is yes - due to changing perceptions in both men and women, the task of finding a partner can be quite difficult indeed. That is why I always stress the importance of respectfulness in dating. In at least two of my hubs, I've also touched upon how perceptions have changed in the last 40 - 50 years, and how some men and women are becoming somewhat androgynous in their thinking. (which makes the process of finding a mate that much more complicated) However, both men and women still crave love and fidelity, when all is said and done.

    Thus, I try to address the issue of confusion between genders in most of my hubs.

    You see, women are fearful of being reliant on men, and young men in particular, are not always fully aware of the responsibility inherent in being a male who may one day have to participate in raising a family. Obviously, the same responsibility applies to women.

    Navigating the waters of relationships is never an easy thing. However, I try to stress that finding love is possible, but ONLY when we change some of our behaviors. Honestly, I feel badly for all those women who have all but given up. They've reconciled themselves to the career, the townhouse, and the cat. In this hub, I am attempting to educate men a bit, get their creative juices flowing, and to enlighten them on how to become more thoughtful in their approach to women, if they choose to undertake a meaningful relationship. It's not easy, but in adopting some new perceptions and acquiring better inter-personal skills, navigating the stormy waters of love can be an exciting challenge. Thus my goal in writing nearly anything, is to help men and women develop better skills... In my experience, fine tuning one's skills and becoming more aware of the differences between genders is that which allows us to manage the challenges of any relationship, (once we are ready) despite changing perceptions in individuals.

    Thank you for an excellent question!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 4 years ago

    Hi Peach Purple. I'm happy you enjoyed the hub. I've been nominated? That's awesome!!!

    Yea for me. Thanks for the update!

  • moonfroth profile image

    Clark Cook 4 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

    I agree with your general points, and in my experience, women are indeed abidingly attracted to inner strength and kindness in their men--or perhaps i should say men they might LIKE to be their men. And if men and women worked from fixed vantage points, securing those kinds of ideals should be attainable, but how are men to cope with the ever-changing vantage points that characterize the way many women look at their world. What a woman finds to be inner strength and kindness when she's 20 could be light years different when she's 40. These changing perceptions make these issues as complex and difficult for a woman as questor as for the questee to fulfill

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    peachy 4 years ago from Home Sweet Home

    great hub. Love to read. Congrats ! Your hub has been nominated !!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 4 years ago

    Thank you for the two thumbs up, lovedoctor926. I love your phrase, "quiet confidence." I've used it myself, and it speaks volumes... inner security makes a man wildly attractive. It's was great to hear from you again.

  • profile image

    lovedoctor926 4 years ago

    Excellent hub. A strong man with quiet confidence who treats a woman with respect and has manners are a plus. You make very good points. Voted up & useful!