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Give Him What He Really Wants

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.


Is a Good Man Hard to Find?

Yes, it's true. A good man is hard to find. There are plenty of scoundrels, scamps and players out there. In fact, some men feel challenged to be scandalous and behave badly. Lots of men want to take what they can get from a relationship, without ever giving up anything in return.

Not all men fall into this category. There are a lot of good men, searching for a good woman to walk beside them. It may take some time, but if you maintain your own integrity, communicate clearly and honestly, and speak your truth, you might find a good man.

When you find a good man, how do you keep him happy? The following tips will help you keep a good man once you have found him.


You might be surprised to learn that the most important thing to the man in your life is respect. Men want to earn the respect of the people around them. This is their primary driving force.

Men want to be respected by their wives, by their children, by their coworkers, and by their bosses. Respect is a part of who they are. Men need respect to feel like they are doing what they are called to do.

Respecting your man doesn't mean you blindly follow him. It means you ask for his opinion. You listen to his advice, whether you plan to take it or not. You let him talk without constantly interrupting. Tell him you appreciate the hard work he does, and his dedication to you, your family and his work. Let him know that you admire him.

Respect speaks directly to your man's heart. Speaking his language will help bring the two of you closer together.

Show Some Respect

Here are some simple things you can do to show your respect:

1. Stop talking and listen.

2. When your partner talks to you, put down your phone and look directly at him.

3. Ask questions, but don't interrupt.

4. Look for ways to encourage and edify him.

5. When he screws up, resist the temptation to say, "I told you so."

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6. Speak well of him.

7. Don't take everything personally.

8. Compliment him and thank him for things he does well.

9. Don't get into texting or email arguments when he is at work.

10. Tell him you respect him, and give a concrete example of why.

Try This Test


You can be your man's biggest ally, his most ardent supporter and most vocal cheerleader. He wants you to be impressed, whether it's with his business acumen or his tough workout regime.

He wants you to notice what he does and encourage him. He wants to know that you notice him and support him. When you let your man know that you believe in him then you strengthen his spirit to keep going.

To be his cheerleader, thank him for working hard. Tell him you admire his dedication and devotion, not only to you, but in other areas of his life. You will lift his spirits and he will feel even more connected to you.

Smile and tell him you love and admire him. Thank him for supporting and defending the family. Speak encouraging words that uplift and inspire him to do his best for you. When he knows he has your support, your husband would swim shark-infested waters for you.

The Way You Speak Matters

Follow the Leader

The man in your life wants to lead. And he wants you to allow him the authority and responsibility to lead effectively.

He doesn't want to feel undermined and sabotaged. What he wants is a woman who will listen and who will lean on him for support. Men have a strong desire to lead both in the family and in the workplace.

You don't have to follow blindly like a lamb being led to slaughter, but don't belittle him or argue with him publicly. Honor his leadership and respect his authority by praising his good decisions and graciously making space when he makes bad decisions.

Someone has to be in charge in a relationship, and with the authority comes great responsibility. Allow him to lead and give him the authority to make decisions. This doesn't mean you become a doormat, but rather you choose to let him lead.

While you can both work together to create a stable and harmonious relationship, in the end, someone must make the final decision. The buck has to stop somewhere.

It takes great courage and strength to allow someone else to be in charge, and your man will blossom when you give him this gift.

Do You Respect Your Man?

Share His Wisdom

He likes it when you ask for his advice. He likes to problem solve and conflict resolve. If you'd like to make your man feel important and necessary in your life, ask his opinion. Ask for his help. Tell him you need some insight or inspiration.

Now, once you have asked, let the man talk. Listen to what he says, whether you plan to follow his advice or not. You don't have to do exactly what he says, but respect the fact that he may see things differently than you do, and he may have some insight into a problem that you have missed. Be open to the concept that his idea might just work.

Your man wants to know that you value his wisdom and insight. There is a reason that men and women are different, and asking his opinion will let him know that you value and trust him.



Your man wants to be your friend. Women tend to mistake the male idea of friendship for the female version of friendship.

Women love to talk. We talk about everything. Work, kids, our diet, books. You name it, women love to talk about it. The female version of friendship involves growing closer through talking.

He doesn't need to talk all the time, in order to build and strengthen your relationship. In fact, all your talking serves to distract and annoy him. What your man wants is you. Sitting there next to him. He wants to hang out. He wants to know that you like him.

When you spend time with your man, you don't have to talk. There is no need to fill the air with words, and in many cases, this is counterproductive. He wants to be with you, but men don't need to talk all the time to enjoy themselves. He wants your companionship and your company. Let him know that you like him by showing up, spending time and not talking.

Friendship Tips

To be a friend to your man, try the following activities:

1. Go for a bike ride, a walk or a run. Enjoy the outdoors together.

2. Learn and participate in a hobby that he enjoys.

3. Be quiet. You don't have to fill the air with words.

4. Watch football. Or Nascar. Or The Godfather. Do something he likes.

5. Spend time next to him, doing whatever he likes.


Yes, your man wants sex. But it is not the most important thing in your relationship, believe it or not. It is an important tool for improving intimacy both emotionally and physically. After you begin meeting his physical needs for intimacy, he will become more responsive to meeting your emotional needs.

Sex is not your man's number one need. It is symbolic of his deep need for your respect. Respect is his deepest need, and part of respecting your man is being physically intimate.

Men and women view sex and physical intimacy differently. Men are primarily visual creatures. They love to look at the beautiful female form. Give him the gift of seeing you naked, and you fulfill that basic need.

Besides being visual, men need physical release. It is biological. They crave that contact and release in the same way that a woman craves emotional closeness. When you meet your man's physical needs, he will open up to you emotionally.

No, you are not a blow-up doll, who's only purpose is to satisfy a man. But, if you are in a relationship with a man, sex is important. Just because it might not be important to you doesn't mean it's not important to him. It's okay to give of yourself, even if you aren't in the mood. You have nothing to lose and plenty to gain from this simple sacrifice.

What Your Man Needs

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: Is oral sex important to men?

Answer: I believe oral sex can be an important and fun component to a healthy sex life, for both the man and the woman. We all enjoy it!

© 2016 Deborah Demander

What do you think?

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on May 03, 2018:

DredCuan, Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my article. I agree, respect is an important part of all relationships. Without a solid foundation, relationships flounder.


Travel Chef from Manila on May 01, 2018:

I believe that for both Man and Woman, RESPECT is the number 1 key towards a successful relationship. In that way, both parties will be aware of what their actions and talks to maintain an harmonious relationship. They will address the needs and wants of their partners.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on October 19, 2016:

@always exploring, Thanks for the compliment. You are right. It takes two partners to make a successful relationship.

@MsDora, I agree, we need to practice mutual respect and trust.

Thank you both for reading and commenting.


Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on October 19, 2016:

Many women are willing to give all the values you list as what man wants. Then they cite the last statement in your poll: they cannot find a man who deserves it. Seems like we have to teach mutual trust and respect to both genders together. You give good counsel.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on October 19, 2016:

I like this. It take two to tango and make a partnership work. presentation well done.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on October 19, 2016:

Perspycacious, I think you have a great point. Partnership and mutual understanding are very important. And I guess that would come under the friendship heading. Spending time together, and understanding each other's needs.

Thanks for reading and commenting.


Demas W Jasper from Today's America and The World Beyond on October 18, 2016:

I guess it comes under your heading of "Friendship" but I had in mind the feeling of partnership and sharing a mutual understanding of each other.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on October 18, 2016:

@dashingscorpio, Thank you for reading and for commenting. I agree, I think women need to initiate sex more often. Men do want to feel attractive and desirable, just as much as women do.

And when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Literally. I appreciate your input.

Carolyn M Fields, Thanks for reading my article. I do think women have a tendency to want to resolve everything with words. Sometimes men just want us around. Without all the noise.

Namaste friends

Carolyn Fields from South Dakota, USA on October 18, 2016:

Great article. Good advice, particularly the part about not talking ALL the time.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 18, 2016:

Excellent article! (Filled with wisdom)

The only thing I'd remind women is (men) want to feel desired too!

It's no enough to have sex with him. He wants his woman to (initiate) it sometimes! Also never stop being playful or flirtatious.

Too often couples slip into a mundane lifestyle where they gradually stop doing all of the things that caused their mate to fall in love with them.

When we change our circumstances change.

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