How to Find a Boyfriend as a Geek Girl
Hey there! I'm Christy and I'm a female geek. I love video games, boardgames, science fiction and fantasy books, anime, comic books, Magic: The Gathering, and science. And I have no problems finding people to date when I feel like it (actual awesome people).
So here are some tips from my experience on meeting guys and finding Mr. Right-- for geek girls!
The Odds are in Your Favor
Geek and nerd culture are becoming more mainstream these days. Comic book movies like Iron Man, The Dark Knight, and The Avengers are getting lots of non-nerds interested in superheroes. Games like Rock Band, Angry Birds, and Wii Fit Plus are bringing non-gamers into the video game world. Books like the Game of Thrones series are pulling lots of regular guys and gals into the exciting world of fantasy literature.
At a glance, all the hype may seem like a bummer. More popularity means increased competition for geek girls like us, after all. But keep in mind that the fanbase for geeky interests and hobbies is still widely male-dominated, which means that you've got a lot of options. Plus, a growing community means more guys to choose from too. For female geeks, it's still a buyer's market.
(And more fans mean more money for your favorite authors, game creators, anime distributors, TV shows, etc, so they help ensure a continuing stream of cool stuff to geek out over.)
Meeting Your Future Geek Boyfriend
Most people like to date someone with whom they have a lot in common, so I'm making the assumption that you'll want to meet a geek guy. I highly recommend it. The best geek men are smart, attentive, and caring; they make great partners. Here are some good ways to meet wonderful geeks that, with any luck, may be great relationship material.
Meet Geek Guys Online
The internet is one of the best ways to meet a boyfriend because it doesn't matter where you live. If your area doesn't have any geek-friendly events or activities, you can still meet like-minded people easily. Dating sites are a great way to find single men who are actively seeking a relationship. I've used them myself and had positive experiences. If you choose to try a dating site, make sure you sign up for one that allows you to search profiles by interest. That way you can do a simple search for guys who are also interested in Firefly, Star Trek, chemistry, historical reenactment, or whatever you're passionate about.
- OkCupid | Free Online Dating
A couple of my friends are happily dating people they met on OkCupid. It's a good place to start if you're interested in trying a dating site. It's free and you can search for people using your interests.
Meet Geek Guys at Conventions, Expositions, and Festivals
Places like anime and sci-fi conventions, comic book expositions, and renaissance festivals and fairs are awesome for meeting a potential geek boyfriend. Events like these are held all over the country, usually on an annual basis. Do a little research and find out what local events are likely to pull in hoards of geek boys who like the things you like.
Meet Geek Guys at Video Game and Card Game Tournaments
If you're the type of geek girl with a fiery, competitive spirit, consider playing in a video game or collectible card game tournament. Tournaments are common for fighting games like the Tekken and Street Fighter games and collectible card games like Yu-Gi-Oh! and Magic: The Gathering. If there are no tournaments scheduled in your area, consider talking to your local arcade, gaming store, or hobby shop about organizing one.
Meet Geek Guys at a Tabletop RPG Group
If you're a science fiction, fantasy, or horror fan with a good imagination, a tabletop RPG group might be a good way to meet a boyfriend. Dungeons & Dragons is a lot of fun, but it's not the only option out there. World of Darkness is a great choice for horror fans and Warhammer 40,000 may appeal to sci-fi fans. Tabletop role playing games are social games which usually require at least 4 people, so if you find or start a gaming group, you're likely to meet some new guys. Talk to your local gaming or comic shop to see if they know of an RPG group looking for players. If not, consider starting your own and ask if you can leave a few flyers for other interested customers to take.
Meet Geek Guys at a Book Club
My local used bookstore has a science fiction and fantasy book club. Sharing literature and discussing what you've read is a good way to really get to know your fellow geeks, some of whom will be guys. Consider joining or starting a book club.
Volunteer to Meet Geek Guys
Don't just attend events you're interested in. Consider volunteering for them. I'm friends with a happy couple who met while volunteering at an anime con. If you're working alongside other passionate geeks you've got more of an excuse to talk to them and get to know them. Plus, boys who volunteer their time are usually responsible, dependable, good guys.
I can not emphasize this enough. Mr. Wonderful is not going to break down your door with his lightsaber to bring you a copy of the latest Neil Gaiman book and his sexy body. The more you get out, do things, and meet people, the higher chance you have of meeting a good guy. Don't make excuses when your friends ask you to go out for pizza. The guy at the next table may be the biggest Dr. Who fan you've ever met besides yourself. Don't stay home feeling sorry for yourself on a Friday night. Call and find out what's going on at your neighborhood comic book shop. The more people you meet, the bigger your network of friends becomes, and the more guys they can introduce you to!
Which way of meeting guys is the most fun?
A Few Things to Avoid
On your quest for a boyfriend, young Jedi, you are bound to meet some jerks. It's unfortunate, but there are at least as many losers as decent geek boys. Here are a couple common things to watch out for in the geek community:
The "Fake Geek Girl" Jerk
As geeky hobbies and interests become more popular, some geek guys feel insecure. They are used to being the ONLY guy around who can name all 150 original Pokémon, and they liked it that way. The way they deal with the fear of becoming one of many nerds, as opposed to their preferred status of Nerd God is by labeling other people "fake geeks." This kind of guy has an ego to stroke and he usually makes a crappy boyfriend. Watch out for comments like "That's a nice Batman shirt, but have you even read the comics?" or "Naruto sucks. Why don't you watch a real anime?" Guys like this often give girls a particularly hard time because they're intimidated by females. Don't feel like you have to prove yourself. This guy is too self-centered to be worth it.
The Creeper Jerk
This guy gives you bad vibes. You're not really sure why, but he does. Maybe he makes inappropriate jokes or comments and then pretends he was just kidding. Maybe he puts his hand on your shoulder in a creepy way. Maybe he asks you to hang out alone when you barely know each other. Don't feel like you have to be nice or polite. Tell him you're not interested and give this creeper a wide berth.
The Overeager Jerk
This guy doesn't even realize he's a jerk. He's probably normally a really nice guy. He just really, really, really, really, really, really wants to date you. He's overeager and pushy. He asks you out repeatedly even after you've said you want to think about it or that you're not interested. He complains and guilt trips you for not dating him. He gets catty, mopey, or mad if you go on dates with other people. He tells you he's ok with being "just friends" but that he can't understand why you don't want to be his girlfriend. He tries to act like your boyfriend hoping that he can make you change your mind. Let him down easy and give him time to get over you. He won't make a decent friend until he's dealt with his feelings for you.
Remember ladies, you can't force romance. If you get social, you will meet interested guys, and probably more of them than you think. Don't settle for someone sub-par just because you really want a relationship. Your Clark Kent is out there. Good luck on the hunt!