Top 5 Reasons Why Women Should Never Approach Men

Updated on December 19, 2016

I've heard it before...

It's the 21 century! Gender roles don't exist anymore! Women can play the role of men! Okay, perhaps you're right. But why would you want to? I'm all for women's rights, trust. I have had infinitely more opportunities than my grandmother or even my mother had, due to the courage of women who fought for our civil rights.

However, while our mothers and our grandmothers didn't have the opportunities we have, they did have something going for them. They well understood their role! And no, not in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. I mean, humble, meek, strong, not pushy, passive, yet passionate.

Hence, when a woman sees an attractive man, she should hold back from approaching him. She is the crown jewel. The man should come and seek his prize!

What if he's CRAZY? DERANGED??

This reason is for giggles, but is still grounds for serious thought. Let's say you see this hottie across the way. He's got the entire package: heightened stature, darkened complexion, toned physique. Whew! You decide to quit with the BS! 'I'm a good catch too!' you think to yourself. He needs a woman like me in his life. So you step to him. He is humbled when you speak first. He laughs it off and seems almost embarrassed by your action. When you ask him for the digits, he rattles them off. You walk away because that's the only thing left to do. You call, he answers. You go out, he's cool. Then, one day, you find out he has baby momma drama, a reposessed car, a foreclosed home, plus, he's just plain CRAZY!

Now, look back. Don't you wish you hadn't said a mumbling word?

Let a man be a man!

I know that's difficult sometimes. Because, for one, men don't always know how to be men (can I get an AMEN!). But that's okay. You need to let them learn. Don't be their mother. Don't attempt to teach them. And check this: if he's the right kind of man. I'm talkin about the man you need, then guess what? He's already got his mind's gears grinding up a way to snag you girl! He's just patiently seeking the right opportunity.

How would you feel in this situation?

See results

You look desperate.

Sorry. But in my years of existence (won't age myself just yet) I have never seen a woman approach a man and not seem like one of 3 things:

  1. Aggressive
  2. Pushy
  3. Desperate

Maybe you've got the testicular fortitude of a Samantha Jones. Now she could pull it off. But if your goal is not to wind up doing the horizontal hokey pokey at the end of the night, then you're not Sam at all. You're probably more of a Miranda Hobbs. An eternal feminist who, at the end of the day, still wants and needs love just like the rest of us. So, know your role, and leave the agression to the men.


So, are you the man now?

I just want to know, if you made the first move, and you're satisfied with it, are you now going to lead him around for the rest of the relationship? Will you pick him up for the first date? Doubt it.

Are you ready to pick up the tab for the evening? Pull out his chair, etc. Forgive the facetiousness, but I seriously doubt it. You will soon grow tired of taking the lead and making the decisions. But hell, you've already set the precedent. Gotta be consistent, right? Is that not what we want from them?

Is he that into you?

Ladies, if you made the decision for the man, to place yourself in his life, how do you know if he is even interested? He may be down for the ride initially, but what will really come from you having initiated the courtship? You may feel confident and sure of yourself, but at this point, he certainly isn't. You know that men can easily become insecure when their man hood is threatened. And easily confused when you take away what they are most certain of. Furthermore, if he was not interested in approaching you, then let him stay that way. Is it really worthwhile to force him into feeling you?

Ladies and gentlemen, just so we're clear, this article is for women that are seriously considering a relationship with the gentleman they approach, not just harmless flirting. Please comment and discuss. I'm really interested to hear your responses!


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      Me 3 days ago

      35 years ago, a very attractive woman approached me in a nightclub, introduced herself and within 10 minutes told me she had a boyfriend but they had an open relationship and saw other people. Would I like to come back to her house?

      I had to say no as I had a girlfriend at the time but I was so impressed with her straightforward honesty and openness that I had to tell her as much. I couldn't stop thinking about her over the next couple of months.

      Well, you've guessed the rest of the story. We've been together for 35 years, have 2 happy, healthy, successful sons and hopefully will finish our time on Earth still together.

      You can call my wife pushy, desperate and/or aggressive but you've never met her. I have and she is honest, straight forward and secure in herself as a person.

      That's what men look for.

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      Jeanne 9 days ago

      Amen. Well said...males need a target to attain...are you worth the hunt? Then let him come after you.

      I have never initiated with a male, nor will I begin doing so even though I might REALLY like him. I know my role.

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      John 2 weeks ago

      You only need one reason not to approach me. I don't like you, I don't want you, and you will be harshly rejected. There is nothing positive a woman can add to a man's life. We are much better off ignoring and avoiding them.

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      Mike 4 months ago

      The first example is flawed and here's why. A guy could be crazy and approach you. Him being crazy has nothing to do with whether you approach him or vice versa. Crazy is crazy. I've heard that argument before and it's not a good one. Apparently there has been studies that show a woman get's a better deal when she picks the man. Why settle for who happens to approach you. I say go for what you want regardless of gender. In this day and age with sexual harassment and what not it's actually probably better for a woman to approach a man. Women are often on the defensive. I think it's better for both men and women if more women approached. I know a lot of guys will back me up on this too. Only the insecure and immature guys can't handle a woman approaching him. More women should have the confidence to do it. If she does she scores points for believing in herself(and for having good taste). ;)

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      And The Real Truth Is 5 months ago

      Well unfortunately this is a very totally different time today which it does really take two to tango now. And most of the women are very nasty when many of us men will approach them which has become so very dangerous now to approach a woman that we would really love to meet. Women today are nothing at all like the good old days when finding real love was very easy at that time since most women were very approachable back then. Like i just had mentioned that today is a very different story altogether since approaching women for many of us men isn't a good idea at all, and most of the time women will be very nasty to us good innocent men and Mouth Off to us since i had this happened to me already. And even friends that i know had it happened to them as well, which just goes to show you how many Psycho women that are all over the place unfortunately today which is very scary for us men that are really looking for love now. Women have really changed for the Worst of all nowadays compared to the old days which it never would've been no trouble at all meeting a good woman back then. So good luck for many of us men looking to settle down now since we really have No Reason at all to Blame ourselves in the first place.

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      Ct 5 months ago

      Crowned jewel? Yes gender roles exist. It's life. However men are prizes too. It's easy to hide behind the concept of men definitely being the aggressor. Especially when it guards you from rejection or any possible outcome of failure. Essentially you get to save face and walk away unscathed if it doesn't workout. Maybe sometimes it's ok to show interest. If he's interested, he'll take it from there. There should be no negative connotation if that were to happen. But somebody has to tale that "L." God forbid it's the woman right.

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      Pinky Maloka 7 months ago

      Wow this really made me realize that i should be a woman and stop acting like a desperate girl who is hungry for love......

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      miss moyi 8 months ago

      let the man be agressive? herm...don't approach me then! i don't like agressive males!

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      Laila D'Souza 11 months ago

      I actually approached a guy, just sent him my number in a piece of paper. I know he was interested in me and so was I , but I started or tried to start something! Now he makes me feel like I'm a slut and I do the with every guy around the corner. It embarrasses me a lot. Should I have not done it? Should I have not approached?

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      Azzy 14 months ago

      Everything in this article are what men encounter daily tryna get a woman he wants. Nothing is wrong if for once we get to be the approached. The reason yall don't approach is the same reason why men approach (egos).

    • MaryGH profile image

      MaryGH 22 months ago

      Thanks Louis and Ennis - am happily married and childfree for 15 years now.

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      Louis 22 months ago

      A woman who doesn't approach a guy she's interested runs the risk of never getting the guy she deserves. If women want equality they'll need to drop the traditional perspective.

      MaryGH...honestly with that perspective you'll never keep a man. Love is about mutual appreciation and mutual respect. Not entitlement.

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      T.Y. Smith 3 years ago

      Very interesting comments to an article I agree with. It's not an accident that 'the universe' put 'The Rules' book in my hands 20 years ago yet I saw women who were able to talk with men without being aggressive and be more successful than I. Bottom line for me? If a man doesn't initiate a relationship to be in his life, he's not ready for one. I can't imagine what it is like to be a man and have to deal with so many threats of various kinds (abuse, stalker, etc). I hear a lot of tough exterior ego voices and not a lot of heart. People have been pretty beat up by the opposite sex so my passion is it honor the authentic masculine soul. In essence: masculinity initiates; femininity responds. Neither is more 'precious' than the other (men are crowned jewels, too). I hope to strike a balance on this topic since I'm seeing love on my horizon. Ego says to not make the first move. Heart says be nice and treat him with respect and patience without emasculating him. I choose the high road of wishing them well in attitude and action without devaluing myself in the process. Quit a tight rope. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Love is under serious assault here as expressed through men who prefer casual sex over intimacy. I think Sean in 'Good Will Hunting' made a good point: when you love someone more than yourself (and your goal of self-preservation) you have truly loved :). May we all outgrow fear and learn to love others; romantic partners or otherwise, a little more in 2015..

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      ennis 3 years ago

      Ms. MaryGH - Yeah, how dare a man believe that his love is just as 'PRECIOUS" as a woman's. Just what has he been drinking ( or smoking?) to think that he is equal? Unbelievable!

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      Homer 3 years ago

      Here we go.....

      feminist horseshit.

    • MaryGH profile image

      MaryGH 3 years ago

      Excellent article! Like the old proverb goes: "It is easier for a man to earn a paycheck than to earn a woman's love." And a woman's love, precious as it is, has to be earned. It is not something to be given away to those who have not earned it.

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      Mark 4 years ago

      I am a nice looking guy,financially independent and I get asked out by women all the time.And I always give the same response.....NOOOOOO! Why do I say no? Simple really.Self Preservation.If I did choose to go out with her she might turn out to be a whack job.I might have to yell at her and tell her what a moron she is.She will call the cops and I get charged with "verbal assault".I might go to give her a kiss on the cheek and she screams "sexual assault" and I get charged.What if I went over to her house and she was angry at me for whatever reason.She can dial 911 and report a "false domestic violence"charge against me.She might be a single mother(UGH!!) and report a "false child abuse" charge against me.Is this worth it?......NO WAY! Today's "modern women" are nothing more than "PREDATORS".There is a saying in the business world...."If it flies,floats or f*** is always cheaper to rent".Truer words have never been spoken.Save yourself the BS gentlemen.Paid sex is much cheaper than free sex...and it is not free! The best thing a man can do with today's "modern women" is avoid them like the plague! They are not worth the time,money or trouble.Go Your Own Way!

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      hypocrisy much? 4 years ago

      just like to point out that the name of this blog is 'find a way or make one' so either the author is misinformed about what that sentiment entails or is just a moron

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      Steve 4 years ago

      This is so BULLSHIT!!! I've been told by plenty women that I'm a very good looking guy and have dealt with many woman in my life and have approached ALL of them. I'm also able to notice when a girl is interested in me and I have to say the way they act is immature and childish. They will stare, get as close as possible, fluff there hair in my face... Anything but just say hi. GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!! Your vagina isn't some sacred gift from god and stop acting like your sexual favors is the most coveted thing in the world. I feel like all the excuses women come up with are just scapegoats because there comfortable in there position as the pursued. They are way too afraid to put there neck on the line for once. They expect certain social practices to be done away with but want to keep the ones that are convenient for them such as in the dating scene. Talk about sexism....I'm happy to say that a lot of men are waking up and seeing this bullshit double standard for what it is

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      Dave 4 years ago

      WTF? - Thank you so much for enlightening Ms. Bo Delicious about the many women who asked men out on first dates and ended up in very happy marriages to men who just do not approach women at all.

      There are sites where men like this get called "whiny" and "inferior" for making certain that the women show interest in THEM. For whatever reasons, women are against that.

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      A Confident Woman 4 years ago

      I'm just .. so appaled with this! We live in a post feminist World; women are free to do what they want in the western world! If we all fear getting judged by every single action we take.. Well, maybe we should rid our lives of said people that wants to keep us Down like that! This is nothing but deeply sexist and is designed to form men a certain way.

      If I like a man, I will go say hi to him! For I am a confident, feminine woman! I'm mature enough to not fall for the obvious rotten apples, and also responsible enough to take charge in my own life!

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      WTF? 4 years ago

      @Bo Delicious didn't you just read what those women said about approaching men and how happy their lives are? Didn't you just read that men are impressed by women who do so? Everything you just typed is, garbage! How is a woman lacking confidence when she bites the bullet and says, OK I'm going to do this. Sounds confident and brave to me. Do you even know what confidence means? Men love creativity and surprises from women. It's like wow, this woman approached me, she picked me outta of the other men here, is she the one I'm destined to be with? I guess it is true, some women think that just because they MIGHT give us vagina, that were supposed to do everything for them like they deserve it because they have a vagina.

      Good luck in your relationships lady.

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      Bo Delicious 4 years ago

      women should not approach men, they should send signals to let

      men know that they want that man to get on them. and it's up to the

      woman to be creative, by nature women are creative. if you go look at hookers, they just stand there. they don't approach but they get paid at the end of the night. however, the quality of man may not be top shop.

      if you a top quality woman and want a top quality man to approach you, be confident about yourself and do not approach him. if he don't approach you and he walks away or approaches another woman, don't feel heart broken or crushed. continue having confidence about yourself. when any woman approach a man, that shows a lack in confidence. but when a man approaches a woman, that shows affirmation in confidence. confidence is the key to the game. you lack confidence you will lose, plain and simple.

      a woman's confidence in her self, in her beauty, is attractive to men and to get the man you want, all you have to do is let him set eyes on you, you don't even have to make eye contact, just walk by him without making eye contact and he will be thinking about you so much, even when he's at home, even when he lay his head to sleep

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      Jim 4 years ago

      To Kim, i am a straight man that certainly would wish for a woman to approach me for a change. it is just my luck to meet so many mean and nasty women today, especially the ones with the very bad attitude problems. then again, i know other men that have the same problem too. i guess you can say God blesses certain people, and punishes people like us. it is very normal for many of us straight men that want so much to find the right woman for us to share a life with, and now with so many Gay Women out there nowadays that does add to the problem.

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      Kim 4 years ago

      I approached a gorgeous man many years ago in a club, asked him to dance. I had never done it before but I was just DRAWN to him. He was surprised but happy and at the end of the night he asked for my number. We have now been together for more than 23 years and married for 18, two gorgeous kids and very happy, cannot imagine life any other way. Listen to your heart not a silly article on the web ;)

      I love the comments Adam made a few before mine, spot on Adam.

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      Erica 4 years ago

      Easily one of the dumbest articles I've read in some time.

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      Kevin 4 years ago

      I'm so glad to know that I am not the only guy who see the hypocrisy in this article.

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      Adam 4 years ago

      This is about the most retarded thing I've ever read in my life. Women on this site -- let me break it down for you very simply:

      1) Guys will ALWAYS be impressed by a woman who approaches them because it honestly never happens. EVER.

      I have been told by many women that I am very good looking and charming, and I'm also quite intelligent. Yet I can count on one hand the number of times a woman has approached me, and I'm 31 years old! Literally every time it has happened, even if I weren't interested, I told them how awesome I though it was they actually did it.

      2) If the guy doesn't respond to you the way you had hoped, HE ISN'T INTERESTED! He may have a girlfriend, or you're maybe just not his type. Does it seem cruel? Welcome to one day in man's world.

      Most guys find the gender roles incredibly biased towards women when it comes to dating, and find it incomprehensibly cruel that they're always supposed to take the lead, because rejection isn't fun, and men are expected to face it head on, whereas women have the luxury of choosing among their options.

      At the very worst, a man will at least appreciate the effort, even if he isn't interested, because again it is honestly so rare.

      In short, any woman who takes the above advice is quite honestly doing themselves a huge disservice.

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      phil 4 years ago

      dumbest thing I've ever wasted my time reading.

    • vibesites profile image

      vibesites 4 years ago from United States

      I haven't directly approached a guy or made a first move yet, and I won't; I don't want to come off as desperate. And I don't need to. LOL. Well, to each her own, I guess.

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      Kiki 4 years ago

      Pffft, "don't ask a guy out". How stupid. I'm marrying the guy I asked out in a few months, and I have never felt so sure a man loved me. Don't be a troll.

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      Jay 5 years ago

      it would be very nice to have a woman approach us for a change, and it is very true that when we will approach them that they will be very nasty to us and walk away. very hard for us men out there trying to meet a good woman nowadays, especially hoping that it will lead into a relationship. it was certainly much easier years ago, and both men and women were very committed to one another too. i wish that i had been born a lot sooner, then i could have avoided this mess today and most likely would had a family of my own with a good wife as well. now going out and dealing with all the games that most of the women are playing makes it much more difficult since they do really have a very serious attitude problem, and just walk away when we try to talk too them.

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      getupanddance 5 years ago

      I approached a guy and at least I understand what men have to go through now. I didn’t feel manly while doing it, at all, I just felt more insecure than I ever have! I’m shy, not ugly, and know that I am hard to approach because of my personality disorder. Every time I’m attracted to a man I blush and can’t talk. I really wanted to go out with a guy, so I tried to woman-up to let him know I was interested. He wasn’t interested. I don’t feel too bad about it, interestingly enough. I’m glad I tried. Like someone else said, are you going to sit around and never know? I’d rather know & move on than stay trapped inside in a fantasy world like I have been. I have done a lot of searching through this experience, and I’m not desperate at all. I’m socially inadequate, but I’m learning. I’m proud to say, I’m not so afraid to try to go for it next time.

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      Equality 5 years ago

      That means no gender roles. Men don't like it when they get rejected and feel anxiety, so why would we do it in the first place. I'm a guy and I think I'm a good one and I can have the same mentality of: "Well, I'm the crown jewl, why should I go seek. Let them come to me." I don't want to feel bad about myself being rejected, so I don't want to seek. I just wanna walk in the bar/club and having a dick meaning exactly the same thing as having a vagina. I want a sense of equality in men approaching women and women approaching men. It's the 21st century. Women can't have the privileges of the past and the rights of today, okay? It's one or the other.

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      TheTruth 5 years ago

      women are totally different today than they were years ago, and there are just too many very unfriendly women nowadays that will make all kind of excuses when we approach them. they seem to have so much drama with them as it is, and many of them are just so impossible to talk too. years ago, women were much more educated than now.

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      NeoN 5 years ago

      Full support to wizard's message!

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      Mark 5 years ago

      it would be very nice for a change to have women approach us men, since it is very hard nowadays for us good men looking to meet a good woman for us and have a relationship too. the times back then were certainly much different than today, and it definitely was much easier meeting women years ago than now. and the women of today have become so very hard to start a normal conversation with, and play so very hard to get.

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      Daniel 5 years ago

      I might think this is a combination of several things.

      first of all i want to say i have been lucky enough for girls to approach me and actually ask my number (and no they weren't desperate, they made the first move, i noticed them and then i took the lead. (see that is also a possibility) note: i never thought any of these girls was desperate, and actually found them more attractive that they weren't afraid to show interest.

      now a reason why men don't approach women (for me at least and a lot of the friends i know) is that we don't know what to say, or we are afraid of rejection, of course not all women are self absorbed bitches that think they are gods but some really just want to make your life SOUR after trying to start a conversation with them, and just treat you like crap (wich i really don't understand since i feel they should be flattered that we men would walk up to THEM.

      (now i have also had some nice ladies that just said oh no you are not my type or throw the i have a boyfriend card in the game i am cool with that and i think more men could live with that instead of just destroying your ego).

      also what was said before is that if a man tends to be attractive to a woman they act nice and they are flattered but if he is considered ugly they tend to also ruin your reputation (by going up to their friends and saying omg this ugly dude just came up to me and actually tried having a conversation with me, i have heard it first hand from girlfriends i hung out with) and this also prevents men from going up to women as there might be a chance his reputation gets messed up if its in a social place he also knows some people.

      and for all the women saying women have the lower hand in the dating game? and they get screwed over?.. i think we are at the same level, because girls can play dirty games with us men too.. (poking holes in condoms, lying about taking the anti conception, saying they got raped, divorce the man and take away a lot of his wealth, if they would get pregnant decide to keep the baby thus ruining the life of the man, also living by the rule that a man has to pay the first date? i know a lot of girls who abuse this and just say to me oh i am going on a date with this guy, so i would tell them something along the lines of oeh la la, and they would reply oh no its just because he is paying for sushi and i am hungry

      in the end i just think we all just should do what we want to do.. and not do something because people tell you it should be that way. but that is of course my point of view on this.

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      dave 5 years ago

      Ms. Cedile - WOW! God forbid that you might get "off topic", but if you do not feel "practically held up" nor accepted or that women somehow have the lower hand in the dating game, then I would disagree. But maybe as Monas1418 just said, men can NEVER be the prize.

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      monas1418 5 years ago

      I'm sorry I'm just about as independent as anyone male or female and I'm not approaching NO MAN!! for anything especially if there is an attraction. Yes, I am the prize this is how I was raised from a MANand a WOMAN who raised and instilled this in their 4 children. I do live in the 21st century but some things are just the same, just like if a man asked me on a date,he's paying not me.. basic fundamentals!!

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      Cedile 5 years ago

      lol I just re-read and whoa that sentence got messed up, sorry. Well, I meant to say that men almost always have the upper hands when it comes to dating. Their reputation isn't as much damaged as women's when both are in or out a relationship. Understand that women are more vulnerable than men, physically and emotionally. Not saying men have no feelings, no I've never said that. Also, I do not have a belief suggesting that men and women are actually equal. You see, women aren't practically upheld or accepted as men. And it isn't true that equality of sex exist, only in theory that claims that but never in the real world. Again, I'm not saying that both genders are equally capable, say, physical strength. No genders are superior or inferior but we are just built differently and we are more proficient at different things.

      I'm just gonna go back to women being the weaker sex, well, do you not think that a sweet and demure girl should stride her walk approaching a guy and asking for his numbers is ridiculous? I don't really know why she shouldn't but it just doesn't look right. I mean, get real, people. If you say she should but then the others including the males just say they don't approve, they say it's a no no, it's a turn-off, and therefore girls shouldn't do it. And no matter how subtle a girl is approaching a guy, she is the one who is still doing the chase regardless.

      And please don't say that women are lazy or afraid to do it, many men just don't know how much women are dying to be them so that they can ask someone out, since it's still considered inappropriate for women to just do it regardless of how modernistic a century is.

      Anyway, I still think women have it a lot harder than men. And oftentimes, we can hardly protect ourselves. I don't want to go any further because I'd be off-topic but we do hear many men take advantages of women a lot like women get used for sex or get raped and stuff but rarely the other way around. So why should women chase men, seriously? Women aren't desperate then why should they, really? And why girls who sleep around get called sluts but when guys do the same thing, they don't get called names as much? (they even get praised for sleeping with so many girls, for god's sake!). While men want to boast but women have to keep it a secret and be ashamed of it, now do we get any drift here? And I'm going to finish by saying this, "Girls DO NOT have those privileges that some guys assumed we do". And I must say, nothing is fair for both genders. So stop whining and do what you're supposed to be doing, end of story.

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      Cedile 5 years ago

      Whether my crush or my object of affection will approach me or not, I couldn't careless. I mean, if he doesn't want to pursue me, another man will anyway. If anything, no man will chase me, I'm okay with that too. It's not like I'm going to die not getting in a relationship with them, is it?

      Well...some men say that women are making the excuses not to approach them, so I say some men ARE now telling us women to do the chase so that they don't have to make any efforts to get the girls, take their virginity, ravish them for your own pleasure, or to get them pregnant then leave. Okay, so you're not going to have to be responsible on your part at all. And if you think it has nothing to do with evolution; how nature created men and women the way they were/are, and such, oh please guys, just do me a favor, get yourself pregnant or get menstrual cycles every month, then I, as a woman, will assure you that I'll definitely be the one to do the chase.

      And regardless of some men have to say about women being lazy or too scared to pursue you men, just so you know, many other men don't share the same opinion as some of you do and they also want it that way. So stop acting like you're speaking for the entire population of your own gender!

      I'm not a feminist whatsoever but at the end of the day I'd rather be happy to be a single woman than a woman who has the BALLS to approach a man and ask him out :)

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      dave 5 years ago

      Lovely Lyn - Let me see, if a young lady approaches me, and I am flattered (which I certainly would be) , and I take her out to dinner, the Knick's games, the theatre, and I pay ( because I am GLAD to have her)... I sure have her wrapped around my little finger all right!

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      Ana 5 years ago

      Findawayor makeone, with such a way of thinking, your "man" is probably both unconfident (which you'll try to deny) and secretly unhappy.

      The day he'll "man up" and leave you, you'll be too old/unattractive to find anything else than a loser, maybe then you'll take a step back and realize that your vision is archaic, and absolutly doesn't fit our current world and culture.

      Till then, I can't do anything but pitying your man and hoping he'll man up before marrying, which you're helping him to do.

      Have a nice day.

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      Ana 5 years ago

      And that's how you find yourself too old for getting any decent man, by losing your time waiting and hoping instead of acting.

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      Lyn 5 years ago

      I totally agree....women should never approach men. Men will be flattered by it, but it also means that they now have you wrapped around their little finger. He won't have to do much to impress you throughout your time together as you chose him....he didn't choose you!

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      dave 5 years ago

      Ms. "Findawayormakeone" - I see that you also "subscribe" to the

      book that says that the man must "man up" and approach, in order to be "the man". That was the "game". If this wonderful man had not come over to you, as you put it, you would never have met him and the female who showed some interest in him, minutes later, would have had him for herself.

      The numbers show that men are not approaching as much anymore because of the low upside. No one is saying that your man is crazy, but he IS in the minority.

    • findawayormakeone profile image

      findawayormakeone 5 years ago from Washington, DC Metro Area

      I won't lie to you all, I adore myself. And it took a very long time for me to be able to do so. So, yes. I expect a man to approach me. And a great one did approach me. While waiting for a good man to approach me, I didn't just sit around looking in the mirror at myself in my obvious "self-absorption". I actually worked on myself. Increased my intellect. Sparked my creativity by writing a blog. Immersed myself in my job to try to get promoted this year. Worked on my spirituality and prayed more.

      Then, when I least expected it, he showed up. He walked into the room, saw me and knew that he wanted to approach me. And he "manned up" and did it. And I "womaned up" and took him up on his offer. Ever since then we've been inseparable. There were zero games; neither of us had to play them. There was honesty, communication.

      A lot of comments here seem to be rather jaded, like some "princess" came and stomped over your heart when you least expected it. My apologies on behalf of my sex for that happening to you. But I myself deserved for my guy to come into my life. If that makes me sound self-entitled, so be it. But I prayed for this man. So I'll be basking in this for as long as I can.

      Oh and he's not crazy :)

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      YouAreCrazy 5 years ago

      Your views are antiquated and ridiculous. These days, women demand equality....which is fine. But, in turn, don't expect men to have to approach you and treat you like princesses. Your double-standard makes you seem like a sexist. Men feel the same emotions as women. We fear rejection and would rather be approached as well. Don't give me that BS about how a man should "man up". How about a woman being able to "woman up"? It works both ways....but you are too full of yourself too see it. If women didn't play games, have their bitch guards up, and weren't full of drama...then maybe more men would approach women. If a woman wants a man, then she should approach him. Otherwise, she shouldn't complain about being single. Stop living in a cave. Troglodyte.

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      5 years ago

      looks like you were shut down hard idiot!

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      saki72 5 years ago

      The woman that wrote this garbage is self-absorbed and too full of her own shit. Women demand sexual equality. But when it comes to dating? Oh no, the men have to do everything. What a joke. Women have this sense of entitlement and think that they can play games with men. Ladies, you don't have the golden are far from perfect. If you want to meet a men, step up and talk to them. Otherwise, you shouldn't complain when you are single.

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      5 years ago

      Seriously, it’s not the renaissance period & the average single woman is not a princess. “Courting” went out long ago… same goes with having your father choose or approve a suitor. It’s time to suck it up, grow up & be an adult woman!

      If you happen to like a guy, ask them out. Sure, it’s nerve wracking & scary, but why not give it a go. Guys are in the exact same boat. The idea of rejection is scary, but if you don’t put yourself out there you can’t give it a go.

      Also, IMO women are too hung up on the idea of the “ideal” or “perfect” man; here’s the reality. Like you, he’s not going to be perfect & like you he’s scared shitless too. I also find that my single girlfriends are far too quick to judge men, for the most ridiculous things. Less judgement, and more “go with the flow” is needed. When you put aside judgement, preconceived ideals & silly expectations, it will be much easier to have a relationship. I just wish my single girlfriends would mellow out a bit when it comes to dating. They're all so picky & serious!!! Dating should be fun! Not about ticking off pros & cons lists!!!

      I asked my husband out, despite my preconceived ideal of NOT dating a younger guy, & expectations of dating someone who was the complete opposite. It turns out that the day I stopped expecting too much, stopped comparing real men to the preconceived “husband” in my head & ignored up my ideals of him asking me out first was the best thing I ever did!

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      She-wolf 5 years ago

      What a lot of sexist nonsense. What's wrong with approaching a guy? Why should all the pressure be on him?

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      Lj236 5 years ago

      why is making things happen, going after what you want, part of being a man? why is it a masculine trait?

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      ted 5 years ago

      t never seems to really be about their personality but looks the majority of the time

      Ive seen women call guys creepy who seemed like normal guys approaching and talking to them then id aks the girl if its something said or did and she would say no he just seemed creepy

      Ive never heard a girl call a good looking guy approaching her creepy and theyrs times the guy came off as a socially awkard creep..Hed probably have to ask to lick her shoes or soemthing for any creepy word to be used..

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      qq 5 years ago

      Here we again! O.K., men can play ,too! Women do not know

      how to talk to men ( you are not allowed to criticize WOMEN, then

      you must be punished) . Let the WOMEN make 99 approaches

      to men and get one “Yes!” , and let them start a conversation and keep the focus on the man and let THEM have the self-doubt.

      Oh, they don’t want to be rejected? What a great reason!

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      MaxwellSmart 5 years ago

      most of the time it isn't worth it. A lot of girls get all paranoid when a random guy approaches them and are even rude, if I wanted rudeness I'd go ask a walmart employee for help. I get better results from girls when I'm a jerk and they can't seem to get enough of it, no matter how rude I am, if I try approaching them later, they'll have a big smile on their face, opposed to a creeped out look if I'm being nice.

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      el,o 5 years ago

      Luckily for all of us, men are changing the rules and not approaching women. This means if she does not approach you,she is not interested so keep moving and she will not get the chance to meet YOU, since you are just as important.Sound familiar?

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      Glen Murtz 5 years ago

      If women want to be considered equals, maybe they should also accept the risk that comes with daring to ask without resort to games or "signals".

      Woman up!

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      huh 5 years ago

      "women should prefer a man to be the man"

      you want to please explain this offensive bullshit?

      "like the protector, the caregiver, the handyman, the fixer."

      oh please do tell us readers what you women regard men that don't fit this categories of life?

      and women wonder were all the men are! sorry can't tell you!they made me promise!

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      dave 5 years ago

      Men take HALF the risk by approaching? You are noy only selfish, but crazy! Say anything tht you need to avoid rejection for yourself!

    • findawayormakeone profile image

      findawayormakeone 5 years ago from Washington, DC Metro Area

      @No! It may be helpful if you take a look through the women's perspective. If you think of all women as shallow and obnoxious counterparts that are only interested in the Brad Pitt's of the world that don't exist in reality, then yes, men are taking on all the risk of being rejected.

      If, instead, you find that real women, interested in men that can make the courageous step to separate themselves from all of the mute oglers staring from the corner of the room, truly exist, then you'll note that men are only taking half of the risk. The game is NOT as one-sided as men make it out to be. Women take on the risk of potentially being hurt by the crazies, the egoists, the players. Offended by the un-gentleman. Potentially embarrassed when we rush our emotions before we've gotten the chance to figure out his feelings. Trust me, in some instances, I'd rather be the man. We outnumber you! The odds are most certainly in YOUR favor.

      At the end of the day, all I'd like readers to take away from this, is that women should prefer a man to be the man. This is something that carries over into the relationship. A man wants to feel needed, like the protector, the caregiver, the handyman, the fixer. This is an innate feature of men. I'm just saying, let him have manly those things, beginning with the initial point of the relationship: the approach.

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      NO! 5 years ago

      Your considerations on this issue seem antiquated at best. Why should men take all the risk of being rejected? It's a conspicuous and unfair double standard.

      "I could never play such a one-sided game which favors women."

      I couldn't agree more. Yet if I choose not to engage women, many will judge me as being less than a man (the author of this editorial included) and my sexual orientation may even be questioned.

      Seems like some women want to eat their cake and have it too.

    • findawayormakeone profile image

      findawayormakeone 5 years ago from Washington, DC Metro Area

      Wow! Sorry for being away so long. I never could've imagined that this topic could raise so many perfectly valid views. I was just the girl who wanted a guy to take the first step.

      For those that agree, thanks! Ditto.

      For those that think I'm foolish for my thoughts, you should know that I'm currently in a relationship with a great guy. Who made the first move. And reminds me frequently that he saw something worthwhile and stood up as a man to claim it. His words, not mine.

      Just another view!

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      hahaha 5 years ago

      who cares once the sex robots start to roll off the Assembly line! are are indeterminable from the real thing, women can kiss the arse goodbye!

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      dave 6 years ago

      I would never approach a women either. If she is so interested in me, then she will approach, and we can avoid the usual stupid games that go the other way.

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      Redefined 6 years ago

      I have yet to find any real harm with a woman approaching a man especially if she's respectful.

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      zzzzz 6 years ago

      Where is the option to vote: I am a man and would never approach a women??

    • profile image

      girlwriteswhat 6 years ago

      Men not marrying? How deep does "the problem" go?

    • profile image

      101principles 6 years ago

      The Effects of Emasculation, Part I

      The Effects of Emasculation, Part II

    • profile image

      TheHappyMisogynist 6 years ago

    • profile image

      MrGordonGecko 6 years ago

      Consider this, women drive nearly 80 percent of all consumer sales in America. They comprise somewhere between 52-56 percent of the voters. So the media and marketing is often aimed at them. Its why you see so many feminist themes running through network TV. You'd have to go to a cable show to find anything negative about women said at all in any fashion.

      Divorce rates are 50-70 percent depending on where you live. Women file 80 percent of the time and gain child custody 90 percent of the time. Ex husbands are expected to pay 40-70 percent of their salary in alimony/child support in many cases.

      Women currently have more enrollment in colleges in the US than men.

      Litigation has created a fatherless vacuum where someone donating sperm through a fertility clinic could be liable for child support. A man who discovers that his 'child' is actually not his, but a product of hidden infidelity is still held liable for child support. A man who lives with a single mother can be taken to Family Court and be ordered to pay child support even though the children are not his biological progeny.

      The military is stocked with female soldiers who cannot often pass the basic physical requirements of specific jobs in the service. Jobs where life and death, not just political correctness, might be at stake.

      So why should the modern Amercican man be interested at all in this kind of deal? This is what the modern American woman has to offer, and the offer is a sucker deal. Marriage rates in the US are consistently dropping. Other nations like Germany are already suffering from low birthrates.

      What's going on is feminism has pretty much removed men from the basic family structure. Men are being bombarded by with the idea that they aren't necessary except to cover the tab for divorce and children. So men are just not getting married and avoiding having children. Its no secret, the stats about declining marriage rates are out there. Young men are being counseled by their financial advisors and accountants to avoid marriage and its implied liability. And more and more women are complaining that there are no men willing to marry out there. Well duh, if you treat men like second class wage slaves, stuff like this is going to happen.

      I think there are probably some good and decent women out there, unfortuately I think too many young women are being raised with a sense of false entitlement and a pipe dream about men not being necessary in society. Well feminism based itself on the idea that women shouldn't get married at all. Now they are getting their wish, its happening and look at the state of education, child rearing and family values today. Its not pretty. Sometimes you really do get what you ask for.

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      shf84 6 years ago

      I wouldn't even want to be around a woman who wanted me making all the decisions or who felt inferior to me. That would be pretty creepy. I would much rather have a woman who can stand up and be my equal than a woman-child who thinks I should be "in charge"

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      shf84 6 years ago

      No one has to do any thing because of their sex. I approach women if I like them not because I'm male. The idea that a girl thinks I should behave a certain way because of my sex is a total turn off for me. Gender roles are degrading to any one it focuses on the persons body and ignores their humanity.

    • profile image

      MHLifestyle 6 years ago

      How To Approach A Guy And Initiate A Conversation

    • profile image

      Dr Phil 6 years ago

      Please educate yourself guys this bullshit with women has gone on long enough! The link below will help you on your way to understanding this new world a little better, do yourselves a huge favour and just watch at least one video.

    • profile image

      DR Phil 6 years ago

      If women can’t respect you enough to be straight forward with you then their simply not worth it!

      Just don’t fall for the same old traps again and again guys, women will do and say almost anything to shame you into believing it’s your job or role to do this and that! Bullshit.

      Ever hear that crap, about men are hunters? Yeah because hunting is so much fun! Right I mean forget going to the supermarket, forget flying I’m walking, forget driving, forget washing machines, microwaves, dishwashers and ovens, I want to do things the unnecessarily long and hard way yeah! Get the drift ladies? Men don’t want bullshit! That’s why most of us will approach, because at the end of the day nothing will ever get done.

      Oh and just a thought! Considering how rapidly advanced computers are becoming nowadays, how long do you predict it would take for some guy to create virtual reality environments in par with our own? And how long do you suspect it will take until someone figures out to become the next world’s richest man by creating virtual women? Start practicing ladies because once Pandora’s Box is open you’re going to have a hard time convincing men of anything in the future!

    • profile image

      poisonakki 6 years ago

      she thinks it's the man's job to approach her. Approaching a man would be lowering herself.

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      Because 6 years ago

      It is easier to pick up a barfly at the bar, knock off a piece and the next day go on your way and not have to put up with all the bullshit that goes along with trying to have a relationship with a "I'm better than you" bitch. Pretty blunt, but it is the truth. I have decided never to marry but to just go get laid when the urge hits me. That way I keep my house, truck and money and not have to worry about losing it when the wife decides to find another dick to ride while I am out making a living for her and her kids. Pretty simple really.

    • profile image

      wizard 6 years ago

      Dear idiot:

      Way to encourage all women to be entitled princesses, who want all the same rights as men, yet still are too lazy to do things like ask men out or, horror of horrors, pick up the check on a date! Women like you don’t want equality, you want extra privileges. What have you done that is so special, other than owning a vagina? Your true colors as a man-hater really come through in this article. Well, if you don’t want to ask men out, so much the better for men! Because, guess what, no man with good sense wants to ask you out either! Oh, and by the way, you know why there are fewer of us asking out women? Its not just that women might reject us. We can take rejection if its delivered in a civil manner. Its because women feel they have to break down a man by not only delivering a cold and rude rejection, but also laughing about how they did it to their stupid friends behind his back. And I have no doubt that you are one of those women. So screw you and all of the other entitled princesses out there.

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      tim 6 years ago

      It's simple. Women are lazy. They think they should never have to get off their fat asses to get anything. Especially when men usually do something for them.

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      ntlbell 6 years ago

      ALL men do not like to chase ( like dogs after a moving vehicle) and I know

      that I could never play such a one-sided game which favors women. I just

      will not be treated by way of such a double standard. Can't do it.

    • profile image

      ntlbell 6 years ago

      i think that some women like to play the harassment card after a blind date or one-night-stand gone wrong. that way, they can be the victim and get all the sympathy.... instead of, you know... being a stuck up bitch or slut.

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      @Kazydai 6 years ago

      If an attractive male approaches a woman and offers to buy her a drink, he's desirable and confident. If an unattractive or even average guy does it, he's a "creeper" and a "pervert."

    • profile image

      amda24 6 years ago

      Do ghetto guys have more confidence or something? They are the only ones brave enough to approach?

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      ntlbell 6 years ago

      In my short few years on this planet.

      Regardless of how successful/good looking/intelligent/funny a woman was I've never met a woman who was not or knew of a woman who was not horribly insecure about themselves I've never met a man who knew of a woman who wasn't horribly insecure...

      so somethings wrong somewhere or my chain is seriously borked

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      Bob 6 years ago

      I agree with some guy! This is not a men’s issue, taking a look at your stats so far, I would be very surprised if any man would have a problem being approached!

      All those excuses involving men having a problem with it are just that excuses; it’s quite simply a confidence issue, either your confident and know what you want or you’re not.

      Generally people are attracted towards qualities in others they themselves are lacking, women in general lack confidence, as evident in numerous online dating profiles, and they want a man that’s confident! It’s also kind of scary to think about how so many women are after a man with a sense of humour! Hmmm when’s the last time you heard a women tell a joke?

      I once heard a comedian say: “women are strange they twist themselves inside out like a contortionist, stare at you like a serial killer, and hang around you like they have Asperger’s syndrome, but they won’t say hi” personally and this is just me, I’ve always considered most of what women do to get a guy’s attention to be a bit kiddie.

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      soneguy 6 years ago

      What! That’s it I saved this article expecting an argument! So disappointing!

      Looking at your statistics isn’t curious that not one man has a problem with women approaching him? But 29% of your female (I’m assuming) voters seem to have a problem with it?

      By my personal experience this has never been a man’s problem! Most men wouldn’t care less whether or not women approach or not!

      This article should read “top 5 fears women have when deciding to approach men”

      So many people already live with too much fear in their lives as it is! And like the great Yoda once said and I quote “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."

      Lol I couldn’t resist lol

    • findawayormakeone profile image

      findawayormakeone 6 years ago from Washington, DC Metro Area

      Thanks for your opinion, someguy.

    • profile image

      someguy 6 years ago

      This article is a joke right? So let me get my head around this one! You women want to keep certain gender roles that are of a particular convenience? Reading this kind of reminds me of high school, you know the scene a girl come’s out from nowhere just to tell you her friend like’s you! Ok ladies it was cute back then! But kind of annoying and immature now!

      “Let the man be a man” how many women would dismiss a men’s same comment regarding women being women? What an insult! Stop lying to yourself if you’re afraid to approach, then so be it! But why pass the buck and make it a gender issue?

      “You look desperate” I love the list! Here is mine!

      1) Nervous

      2) Young

      3) Inexperienced

      If you’re a woman and have never approached you may experience the above, welcome to our world. Trust me you will fail any day of the week to find at least half dozen men that would immediately believe that you are aggressive, pushy and desperate for just approaching a guy of interest. Now in saying that there are people out there in crazy land that do exhibit these qualities, this includes both genders. If a majority of the entire populous of woman that have ever approach men in the past exhibit these qualities, then I’m afraid you have a personality problem! This will show up with other interactions with people as opposed to approaching men. Please seek help!

      “So, are you the man now?”

      To suggest that men should hold the monopoly on leading women around and always paying for her is just plain sexist! Let me ask you a personal question! Do you plan on always being told what to do by your date, boyfriend and husband? Because I could personally go for a live-in slave right about now!

      “Is he that into you?”

      Sorry but there are no guarantees in life! Adults soon learn to weigh in the pros and cons of any situation! Mistakes are made that’s life!

      So in closing if you consider yourself adults (both genders) grab life by the horns and stop making excuses for yourself! If not! Well there’s always the kiddie table! Enjoy and good luck.

    • findawayormakeone profile image

      findawayormakeone 6 years ago from Washington, DC Metro Area

      I call this one a draw Scorpio.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 6 years ago

      "What if he's CRAZY? DERANGED??" The same could be true of a woman! LOL! (Whenever we meet any stranger we don't know what is in store for us until we get to know them.) In these times of "sexual harassment" and "stalking" I believe a lot of men have backed off the "chase" tradition. We tend to look for a "sign" that our approach would be "welcomed". I suppose this is where the art of flirting comes into play. Just as the majority of women know how to let their boyfriends know they want to get married (without proposing) to them...there are ways she can let a man know she's interested in him. I suspect the real reason the typical woman won't approach a man is her ego would be crushed if he had no interest in her. Women tend to believe the person being asked has the "real power". However it's the "asker" who is free to move on to pursue another person while the passive person has to (wait) to be approached again.

      Life consists of fleeting moments. It takes courage to go after what you want whether you are a man or a woman. So many of us are rushing around in a hectic pace that we are unaware someone may be interested in us. Finding a way to draw someone's attention or approaching someone whether it "works out" or not is better than being left wondering. It's all in how you do it. One man's opinion! :-)

    • findawayormakeone profile image

      findawayormakeone 6 years ago from Washington, DC Metro Area

      Thanks Amda! I was really hoping that there were women who could relate.

    • profile image

      amda24 6 years ago

      Great article, being a slighty older "40 something", I can so relate, men still need to be men, don't take that away from them!