Amber is a writer with a diverse amount of knowledge and experience on various topics, including budgeting, parenting, and many more!
Dating as a single mother can be tough. The world, especially the dating world, can be rather brutal. I'm a single mom, and I've been through quite a few ups and downs of dating. Dating as a single mom, however, seems to come with quite a few different ups and downs in the world of dating. This article will tell you everything that you need to know to finally find love in the world of dating.
Consider Online Dating
Dating via the internet is an easier way to date. You can include that you're a single parent in your profile, giving potential partners the option to either take a chance or walk away. Either way, it saves you from having the conversation about being a single mother.
Try a Dating App for Single Parents
Now, there are plenty of dating apps that are helping single parents find love. If you're a single mother and are tired of the brutality of the dating world, consider giving them a try. Everyone already knows that you're a single parent, and they are there because they don't mind dating a single mother.
Mentally Prepare Yourself for the Stereotypes
The city that I live in isn't the most wealthy of cities, which definitely doesn't help with the stereotypes. In fact, it's contributed to the stereotypes that I have to deal with. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've heard them all. People think I live off of assistance from the government, am not educated, want a father for my kids (to the point that they are volunteering to help care for my children when they want some booty faster) and guys tend to want to discuss finances sooner to make sure that I don't want them to provide for my children.
There are also the stereotypes of dating a single mom. People say that single moms won't make time for a man, won't fall in love, sleep around, and that the kids are horrible. (Mine are actually rather well behaved, by the way.)
It can not only make finding a romantic partner a bit more challenging, but it can be offensive. I don't get assistance from the government aside from medical assistance. My children have a father except for one, and I'm up front about that situation. I also don't expect anyone else to suddenly provide for my children. I attended a private university too.
I found myself explaining this over and over again. Over time, you tend to get desensitized to it. However, you need to be prepared for those stereotypes before diving into the world of dating as a single mother. The fact is, those stereotypes exist for a reason. For every single mom that is providing for her children, there is another one that expects their new boyfriend to instantly step up. Try to understand it from someone else's point of view.
Set Your Standards
We all have standards and we all have deal breakers. Before you jump back into the dating scene, set your standards. You should know what's important to you in a relationship, and what your deal breakers are going to be.
Don't Introduce Your Kids too Soon
It can be awkward for your partner, kill the chance of a romantic relationship and you don't want to introduce your children to someone that is not going to be a permanent part of their lives. Instead, set a plan, such as not introducing the kids to a new partner until you have been dating for six months. Then, make sure that you are honest with anyone that you are dating regarding that.
Timing is Important
When you have children that depend on you for everything, it's important to consider where dating falls on the priority list. If you're juggling work, school, children, and several other things, it doesn't leave a lot of time left for a new boyfriend.
Instead, consider taking some time off from the dating world and gain more life experience while you work through school, etc. Then, when you start dating again, you'll be able to give your partner the time that he deserves.
Let Him Know Your Schedule
If you don't have a babysitter late at night, let him know that you can't do late nights. Inform him of your prior obligations to your children, such as if you have a special needs child. This will let him know how much time you have to devote to both him and a future relationship.
Some men will not be okay with this, but they will usually appreciate your honest communication. If they disappear after this conversation, accept that maybe the two of you simply weren't right for each other. Appreciate the life experience and keep it moving.
Remember That You're Amazing
Yes, you're a mom now. You might have stretch marks and an adorable baby. However, that doesn't mean that you're damaged goods. Too often single moms start settling because they think that no one will want them. This is simply not true. Always remember your worth, and don't settle for less than what you want.
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Don't Let Mom Guilt Get to You
It's common for us moms to feel guilty because we're doing something that doesn't revolve around our children. However, there's nothing wrong with wanting a romantic life, too. You're a person, and you deserve things that make you happy, whether it's a bubble bath or jumping back into the dating scene.
Be Honest About Children
You should let every potential dating candidate know up front that you have children. Don't attempt to wait until dating options fall in love first or wait until the third date. If a person doesn't like children, they're still not going to like children in a month. In the end, you'll just be wasting your time by waiting to tell this person. By being honest, you avoid wasting time with someone that you have no future with.
Find a Backup Babysitter
One of the most common complaints from men about dating single mothers is actually that they are more likely to cancel at the last minute. Once or twice is understandable, but more than that can signal that you're not as interested as he is, even if it's because your babysitter canceled. Avoid this entire situation by finding a backup babysitter or two for date night.
Be Present During Dates
It can be hard to separate our home lives from our dating lives. While you're out to dinner with potential dating prospects, your mind might wander to what your kids are doing. If you've just joined the dating game, it's definitely going to happen.
However, it's important to be mentally present during dating so that you can get to know the person sitting across from you. Every time you think about something at home, shove it to the back of your mind and start asking him dating questions, such as his favorite hobby or what type of food he likes.
Talk to Your Kids First
All of your decisions about dating will not depend on how your kids feel about you being with someone new, but some of them might. If you recently broke up with someone that they loved, they might not be ready for the idea of you being on a date with someone else yet. You'll need to talk about this with them, especially if you have older children that will eventually pick up on the fact that you're dating again. Then, help them work through their feelings. Seeing their mom get back into dating can be difficult.
Don't Focus on Your Kids During Conversation
While your kids are important to you, and they're probably wonderful, you're so much more than a mom. You may be a career woman or a busy woman that has a plethora of hobbies. Do you like art? What kind of music do you like? Your dating candidates will want to hear more about you than they do about your kids in the beginning.
Give Them a Head's Up About Certain Situations
Just because a man loves children doesn't mean that he's ready to deal with every situation. I have a daughter with severe PTSD and several other conditions. Not all men are ready for that. If you have a child with behavioral issues, etc. it's best just to be honest about it from the beginning. it's much better than waiting only for them to leave after you get attached to them.
Don't Take Children on Dates
For a long time, I thought this was something everyone knew. However, it's not. If I don't have a babysitter for a particular day, they simply invite me to bring my littlest along. Don't do this. Avoid introducing your children to men in your life until you know it's serious. If people continuously rotate in and out of their lives, they can develop attachment issues.
Make Time for Him
I understand that it's hard to make time for everyone. Most men that are okay with dating a single mom will also understand that your children will always come first.
That doesn't mean that you should never make time for him, though. Let him know that you want him in your life by making it a part of your routine to call him after the kids head to bed. Text him on your lunch to let him know you were thinking about him. Those little thoughtful actions will make him feel wanted.
Do Background Checks
In most states, you can look up a person's public record for specific counties with their first name, last name, and birthday. It's always worth doing to avoid potentially dangerous situations, such as finding out a little too late that a person is prone to domestic violence. You can also look up people in the sex offender registry. You can never be too safe.
Consider Introducing Him as a Friend First
If you have younger children, you're going to want to see how he interacts with them. This is a common thought, but it goes against the golden rule of not introducing men to your children too soon. Instead of waiting six months, consider waiting a few months and then allow him around your children as just a friend. This won't get their hopes up, and it will give you a chance to see what he will be like with your children in the future.
If you're wondering how to date as a single mom, simply remember these tips. Then, enjoy your dating life as you should. There is nothing wrong with finding a babysitter for the evening and enjoying yourself!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Amber Lynn