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Tinder, Bumble, and Honesty - Do Your Profile Pictures Look Like You?

Updated on July 21, 2017
MattyJ9999 profile image

Matt is a computer scientist, software engineer, and entrepreneur with extensive experience in business and writing.

Dating is tough, and the online dating world is a nice, new tool that gives busy people an option to meet when time isn't an abundant asset. My divorce is nearly final, and recently I've taken a dive back into the dating pool, but it hasn't been all sunshine and roses.

Last night it happened to me again.

I had swiped right with a cute girl, set a date, and showed up ready to meet someone I had been chatting with throughout the week only to find the pretty girl that I was supposed to meet wasn't exactly who I thought she was. She was at least fifty pounds heavier than depicted in her pictures.

Now before you call me a vane, shallow, sexist pig, please try to understand my position.

I work full time, I'm a full time dog Dad, I run two side businesses, I do my very best to take care of myself which has included seven months of sobriety after my divorce, workouts three to five times a week, yoga, and doing my best to stick to a healthy diet. I'm certainly not a "ten," but I feel like my profile pictures are an accurate representation of myself. They are recent, and if anything, I was maybe three to five pounds heavier in one or two of them. My point is, my pictures look like me, my age is accurate, no filters, with no extreme angles to hide anything "extra."

I don't have a lot of extra time, so when I take an evening to go out and meet someone, at a bare minimum I would like that they look like the person that swiped right on. I get that there's no guarantee that there's going to be a spark, but what are these women expecting when they grossly misrepresent themselves?

This is the third time I've had a date that looked nothing like their profile pictures. One woman who I went out to dinner with looked significantly different than the pictures on her profile. Frustrated (but politely), I actually asked her if her pictures on her profile were recent. She seemed embarrassed, but admitted that two of her pictures were more than ten years old, and one was from college. Interested in this trend that I've started seeing, I casually asked her what her last name was because I "wanted to know who I was dating." I looked her up online, and she was thirteen years older than her profile stated. Nice.

I can't tell you exactly how annoying and frustrating the feeling of disappointment is when I've finally met someone in person after all of the awkward back and forth "get to know you" banter online to find out that there is literally zero attraction upon putting in the effort to meeting. Furthermore, I feel like these people don't understand the concept that they are literally trying to base a potential relationship off of a lie. It's dishonestly plain and simple. You're either misrepresenting yourself, your age, or both, and if that's the solid foundation you want to build something off of, you're probably going to be in trouble.

Use updated pictures of yourself that aren't hiding anything, be honest about your age, or your results are probably going to be less than satisfactory.

Am I off base? Vote or leave a comment below with your experience.

Is it dishonest to use outdated pictures, or pictures that hide extra weight?

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 months ago

      If one's purpose for creating a profile is to actually (meet) someone then it makes no sense to use a photo that doesn't represent how they actually look.

      No one loves a "bait & switch" tactic.

      I suspect there are some people who hope by establishing conversations, emails, and texts they will be able to sell the other person on their attributes aside from the physical.

      In many ways this also the motive behind not having sex quickly. If it turns out to be crap you'll be emotionally invested in them enough not to just walk away.

      Where as if you had sex the first night and it wasn't great you're more likely to call it a "one night stand". The same hold true for looking at profile photos. If you don't like how someone looks odds are you're not going to invest time reading their profile let alone bothering to waste time getting to know them.

      You would think everyone wants a mate who is attracted to them!

      Whether someone is Catfishing using their own (old photos) or using a photo of someone else entirely it's still misleading.

      One way to avoid this is using things like Skype, FaceTime, and Google Hangouts where you can interact (live) online.

      The only difference between having a "preference" and being "shallow" is if (others) agree or disagree with you.

      Lots of women won't go out with a guy who's shorter than them!

      Everyone is entitled to have their own mate selection process and "must haves list" for selecting a mate. Life is a (personal) journey!