The Biggest Red Flag to Watch Out for in Relationships

Updated on June 21, 2017

Chances are you've been in a relationship that's gone sour. The relationship may have started out amazing, just like most relationships do. Everything seems perfect and you're both walking around like you're on Cloud 9 in love like you've never been before.

And perhaps you really had the intention of looking out for red flags so that you didn't end up heartbroken yet once again, yet you did. You may have done all of the correct things and taken all of the best steps in order to prevent such disaster, but did you really? It's interesting how "love" can cause blindness in so many people.

Being in an Unhealthy Relationship Helps You Learn

There was a time in my life when I had no idea what red flags to look for in relationships. And I ended up in a doozy toxic relationship because of this. But I think the best way to learn about red flags is to actually be in a relationship that is unhealthy. Because much of the time it causes you to look at what went wrong, so that you won't make the same mistakes next time.

The thing is, there are people that will even write down the potential red flags and they'll see them when they start dating, but they will feel so good with all of those love emotions flowing through them that they'll either decide to ignore them or they'll figure that they'll be able to change that person somewhere along the way.

For example, let's say that you have determined in your dating phase that you only want to date people who have been single for at least six months. You want to date people who have given themselves at least a little bit of time to heal and get over their last relationship. Granted, it may take much longer than six months to be emotionally ready for another relationship, but just for this example let's say on your list you put six months.

You Ignore the Biggest Relationship Red Flag

But lo and behold, this amazingly beautiful human being asks you out and because they are so attractive, all thoughts about how long they've been single go out the window. In fact, you have no clue how long they've been single before you blurt out "yes." You figure you'll ask them on the first date, although by that time you may be so caught up in their attractiveness that you really don't care how long they've been single. You dismiss that red flag.

This happens quite often. I've seen it happen also with people who put on their list that they don't want to date people who drink alcohol or take drugs. Maybe they've had a relationship in the past where addiction was prevalent and caused an unhealthy relationship. But let's say they meet someone at work and allow themselves to start falling for that person, even though they know that they go out and party with her friends on the weekends. Somewhere in their thoughts they'll think that they could change that person's behavior maybe because they don't drink. So, they choose to ignore a possible red flag.

Going Against Your Wish List

What is the biggest red flag to look for when you are dating? I think perhaps it's that you may go against your wish list when it comes to your future partner. Your biggest red flag to watch out for is you going against what you really want. Or you ignoring the things or characteristics that you want in a partner on account of some other "detail".

Have you made your wish list? Are you currently in a relationship or in the dating stage where that other person has shown you big red flags that you are ignoring? Did you feel like it's too late to address them? These are certainly things to think about when you're dating or in a relationship.

Do Not Settle in Relationships

I always encourage people not to settle. Of course, there's no perfect person out there, but there are some very important things to consider when you're seeking a life partner. Your wish list may be jam-packed full of things and some of those things you may be able to let slide.

If the guy you're dating doesn't make quite as much money as you wanted, yet he's very responsible and has a good job and is good with his money, that's something that you could let slide. However, if financial security is on your list and your potential guy doesn't have a job and makes up a hundred excuses as to why he doesn't, that is a red flag that I encourage you not to dismiss. I don't care how good looking he is or how nice his body is. You owe it to yourself and you are worthy to have the things you desire in a partner. The key is to stay focused on the most important things. Things like trustability, reliability, maturity, commitment, honesty, and so on. Don't settle on those things.

There are plenty of red flags to look for in relationships, and I want you to make a list of them. Then, I want you to keep that list with you at all times, so that you can grab it and remind yourself before you even agree to going on a date or letting your "heart" guard down while out and about with people. You make the list for a reason. You don't want to end up ignoring red flags and getting heart broken once again.

You do deserve an amazing relationship with yourself, and with another!

Happy relationship!

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      14 months ago

      "Your biggest red flag to watch out for is you going against what you really want." - Very true!

      Sometimes it's best to step outside of yourself and pretend you're giving advice to a best friend or loved one in a similar circumstance.

      During our youth we tend to allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices. In fact the old adage: "Follow your heart" implies one ignore "red flags" in the eyes of many people.

      They simply don't believe it's "romantic" to be very analytical when it comes to love and romance. They want "magical coincidences".

      The belief that love just "happens to us" is what they want.

      Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart. Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Choose wisely!

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