Ten Signs he is Not Boyfriend Material
Welcome to all the lovely ladies out there deserving of a wonderful man to sweep them off their feet, or maybe you're a wonderful man looking to find your prince charming. Either way, there are plenty of things you need to take into consideration when looking for a new relationship. The fact is, men are not that difficult to understand, most women like to make it harder to understand them because that's what our brains are wired to do, we like to think a lot so it's bound to happen. Don't worry, you're not in the wrong for doing this, the more you think about your potential partner and all of his good and bad points, the better.
So what I'm going to ask you to do it open up notepad on your laptop or get a piece of paper and a pen for after you read this and make some notes. You'll see why in a minute.
Now let's get onto the Ten Danger Signs he will make a bad boyfriend.
There are a lot of women out there who instantly scream "he cheated once, it doesn't mean he'll do it again!", of course it doesn't mean he's absolutely going to do it again, but it does drastically increase the risk. For example, a man that has never cheated, doesn't do casual flings and isn't out picking up women in bars is a lot less likely to cheat than someone who does do those things. The basic logic of this is if he cheated on her with someone else (or multiple people) or he has cheated more than once on one or more girlfriend(s), he is very likely to cheat on you at some point.
Why do men cheat? Men cheat for the same reason as women most of the time, because they can and they are immature. People have very different views on cheating but when it comes down to it, if he's chatting up multiple girls online, flirting with them or seemingly too close with his "friends" he's more than comfortable with cheating, these men are also the sort that say if it's not sex, it's not cheating which is completely untrue.
Don't think you are the special goddess that will come along and he will bow at your feet and never cheat again and you can change him into the perfect guy, because you're not. Whilst you may be a goddess, even Aphrodite can't work her magic over the cheaters. You may have heard of the odd story about a previous cheater stopping for good, but this is rare. Once a cheater, always a cheater, don't waste your time or risk your health on someone like this.
There is a very fine line between confidence and arrogance.
Confident: To feel a comfortable level of satisfaction or happiness with your own self and achievements enough to feel secure and comfortable in yourself and things you hope to achieve.
Arrogance: Feeling excessively full of your own accomplishments, appearance or abilities to the point your views are deluded or even warped. Being untouchable or even rude and boasting about yourself for attention and fame.
A confident man will tell you of what he has done in a subtle or pleasant manner, an arrogant man will throw it in your face, wave his cash and tell you he can pick up any women. Often these men have no concept of personal space and are unable to understand the word no.
Ever been on a date with a man who goes out of his way to splash his cash? A man who is more than happy to invade your personal space and put his hands on you? Is he happy to brag and talk constantly about himself? Maybe he's even flirting or checking out other women in front of you?
A man who is arrogant is going to gloat about himself to himself, these men are rarely satisfied in their relationships and find it hard to settle or enjoy the men/women they are close to. Many will toss you aside at the drop of a hat for the next best thing or your "upgrade" and will care little for your feelings. With arrogance comes selfishness and thus, you are not going to find prince charming from these men.
The One That Can't Let Go
During your lifetime you will meet the guy that just can't let go. He will interrogate you about past relationships, he will ask intimate and highly uncomfortable questions about your sex life, your family, your friends, even your health and he will continually come to the conclusion that you are either a cheater, you are in love with your ex-boyfriend's, you are going to break up with him, everything you do somehow means something is going wrong in the relationship and everything you say or post online has a hidden message.
These men are overly paranoid and in some more extreme cases can become possessive or even dangerous towards you. There's being curious and being an obsessive stalker. If he is asking too many questions, repeatedly questioning you about the same things, looking to pick arguments or constantly keeping tabs on you he is the sort that just cannot let go of even the smallest of things, he is going to analyse everything about you, about him and about the relationship to the point he drives himself (and you) crazy.
The Phone Addict
In this day and time it's very normal to be attached to your phone, but the difference between being attached and being addicted is another fine line. If you are together and he is constantly checking his phone, talking to other people, answering lots of calls or even just scrolling casually through Facebook, it's not good. He's more interested in what may or may not be going on online than he is in what you have to say, he probably doesn't even know what colour your eyes are or what you look like today.
Ever wondered why he takes so long to text back? Does he open Twitter, Facebook or another website before answering you? Does he drag out the promise of phoning you or maybe he even does the unspeakable... he posts a meme or something on Facebook before replying to you, he's no good. He's never going to drop the phone, you're not going to gain his full attention and you can never be sure exactly who he is talking to. If he's more than willing to chat to you online and a little more boring in person, he's probably doing the same thing to lots of other women.
Being on the phone too much when you're with someone is rude. It's okay to take the occasional call or answer an important message or even check in on Facebook where you are on a date (provided it isn't your first) but phones should really be put away or switched off when he's spending time with you, it's very rude and irritating trying to talk to someone who clearly is more interested in the virtual world than they are in a relationship with you.
Especially in the early stages of a relationship, it's good to make an effort. Dress nicely, tidy your house before he/she comes over, plan a fun date... bathe... but when he picks you up and asks where you want to go and just takes you anywhere, it's a surefire sign he isn't making and effort and is probably thinking of other things. You should make as much effort as you would expect him to make, it's perfectly fine for you to make a reservation at a restaurant, get dressed up and even pick him up, but if he turns up on his phone, wearing clothes that are too casual or is running late, it's a sign he's not making the same level of effort you are.
Here's a tip, show him how much you expect. Don't go overboard, but men like it when the woman takes the lead as well and they like it when she makes an effort for him, it keeps him on his toes. If you get all dressed up and he turns up late, takes you to the movies and asks you back to his house, he's disorganised and lazy, especially if this is a first or an early date, it's not going to be any better.
Want a good man? check these things:
- Is he on time?
- Is he making a special effort to be there for you e.g. cancelling plans, travelling further, getting dressed up?
- Is he offering to pay for you despite whether you allow him to or not?
- Is he smiling, making eye contact and actually listening to you?
- Is he actually trying to impress you?
If you answered no to any of the above and it's an early date, he's probably not going to be a very good boyfriend.
Nobody has the right to make you cry, make you feel bad about yourself or upset you in any way. It doesn't matter how hot he is, how special he seems or how much you like him. If he degrades you, mocks you, makes you feel bad about yourself or hurts you then he isn't worth your time at all.
A good guy will motivate you to do things whether it is career wise, financial motivation or emotional security, it's great that he cares enough about you to make you feel better and encourage you (even unknowingly) to step up your game for yourself. He will make you feel good about yourself, love yourself, enjoy life and feel comfortable and secure. Good men don't snarl at you like a savage dog, they don't hit you not even once, they don't shout at you, make you feel bad and they definitely don't ignore you or blow you off.
He hits you once? Report it to the police and leave him, he WILL do it again. It only takes one punch in the face or a hit to the head and you're dead on a slab, it's not worth it and abusive men NEVER change.
He calls you names even in the heat of the moment? He's degrading you, he's hateful, filled with bitterness, anger and he WANTS to hurt you. If he's mocking you and it's obvious he's playing around that's different, if he's calling you any names that make you angry or you don't like, he's going to step it up and only get worse. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
He makes you feel bad about yourself? Whether he makes comments about your weight, that he doesn't like your new hair, he thinks you would look better if you changed your clothing style or makeup a little, he's trying to change you. These men are subtle and they are very controlling, if you fold and start changing things about yourself as trivial as your makeup or losing a few pounds, he's going to see this as a doorway to warp you into something he can control, he's won control once so he will do it again. If he makes you feel bad about your looks, your abilities or breaks your confidence, he isn't worth your time.
You read it right, Mr Number. The man whose number is out there, and by this I don't mean his phone number, I mean his partner number. The higher the number of sexual or relationship partners, the worse it gets.
The one that sleeps around: Guys like this are not only a risk to your health, but are a risk to your reputation. Think about it, do you really want to be with someone known as the local bike? If he's going out and picking up women or sleeping around for the sake of it, he's immature. Not only is he lacking respect for himself, but also for whoever he sleeps with next as he could be carrying any number of diseases from AIDS to HPV. Sleeps around = not looking for a serious relationship and other women will know he does this and pass a poor judgement on you.
The one with lots of failed relationships: Everyone has failed relationships, but how many do you consider too many before you realise something is wrong? If a man has lots of casual flings, short relationships or too many failed relationships this is a sign that it wasn't necessarily the women with the problem. You should investigate why, bring it up in conversation to him but only once, see what you can find out from word of mouth, if it turns out he's a cheater, a liar, a fraud, a con man, or anything else you don't like, dump him because he's going to be the same with you.
Poor Female Recommendation
If other women are warning you about him, and I don't mean ones that fancy him or that hate you, I mean they are genuinely warning you he is not a good boyfriend, you should listen to it. Whilst it's not good to go purely on the word of mouth and you should take someone as you find them, if women are saying he's a liar, a cheater, a bad boyfriend, abusive or anything else and more than one of them are saying it/ you have experienced him doing it yourself, you shouldn't waste your time on him. Not all of these women are out to get you or stop you from dating him, some have been burned badly by this man and want to stop other women from making this mistake.
If he has a bad reputation among the women, he is very unlikely to make a good boyfriend to you.
Who wants to date a liar? Nobody with their sanity. Men who lie are no better than con artists. Now making yourself sound a little more impressive than you really are isn't a bad thing, but lying about age, marital status, job, criminal record, etc are completely unacceptable. If he's willing to lie to you about something that matters now, or could potentially matter in the future, is a problem. Liars don't change and they will feed their lies to keep the story going so in the end when you find out the truth you won't know what else is real and what isn't. How could you trust anything he says when he's lied to you about something that matters?
E.g. he proposes, you marry him and find out he isn't working as a lawyer, he's not working at all. You get into a serious relationship with him and it turns out he's not a doctor, he works in fast food part time and doesn't have a certificate of education or diploma to his name. Does his work or education status really matter? No, but what matters is that he lied to you about something so big.
E.g. You're 23 and he tells you he's 26, turns out he's 34. Is this age gap okay? perhaps to some women, but is the fact he lied to you okay? not at all, especially at his age it's likely he's hiding more than that.
E.g. you're on a date, he tells you he's never been married or he's separated, his phone rings and it's his wife wondering where he is! He tells you he's never been married, turns out he's been married twice and has four kids!
Especially in the beginning, answering your messages and talking to you should take priority over his friend's funny photos from the other night, that snapchat of his brother's pet cat or the Instagram of a girl in a bikini. Whilst you shouldn't take priority over everything in his life, you should take some level of priority. You could be his potential partner or his wife/husband one day and this all goes back to making an effort.
If he ignores your messages for ages, views them and doesn't reply for a long time when you know he isn't doing anything, cancels plans at the last minute, turns up late, forgets he is seeing you today or ditches you in favour of a night at the bar with his friends, he isn't taking you seriously. A guy that wants a relationship will take you seriously and make the effort to be with you, a guy that isn't, will do the above. If a Facebook meme is more important than you are, he's not worth your time.
The Closing Statement.
There are a lot of toxic men out there, don't be fooled by their sweet charms, expensive dates or good looks because some of these men will be no good for you.
Choose someone based on:
- Chemistry, you both need to feel that instant click.
- Friendship, you need friendship to make a relationship work.
- Trust, can you trust him with your secrets? Your feelings?
- Common likes, you need to have things in common whether it's the gym, video games, the theatre or even travel, you need to be able to talk about things and enjoy them together.
- Good recommendation. If he doesn't have a horrendous track record, terrible female recommendation and doesn't have a high number, he's better for you than someone people are warning you to avoid.
- Your family like him. If your family are telling you to stay away from him, hate him or are angry with him for little or no reason, they are seeing something in him that you don't, the opinion of other people does matter when you're getting serious with someone as in the end, most of the time they turn out to be right.
I hope you enjoyed this hub and it helped you on your way to finding the perfect man. You can drop more hints, stories or comments down below and share some of your own tips and tricks for digging through the toxic men to find prince charming.