The top 10 things you're doing to sabotage your marriage plans
So you're over 30 and your quest for a husband has not yet been fulfilled. "I'm a beautiful, smart and caring person, why can't I find someone?" Well ladies, I'm here to tell you that there may be certain behaviors that you're engaging in that make finding a mate more difficult. Here are some possible reasons:
10. You're not in your 20's anymore
Do you remember what you were like in your early 20's when you were dating? You dated to have fun, go out, get some good food and relax. Now you're dating to find a mate. You're turning every date into an interrogation. You bring up marriage too soon and scare off potential men. Make yourself 21 again. Plan "fun" dates at arcades, bowling alleys and movie theaters. This will put men at ease and you're likely to find the right person for you.
9. You need a new job
No, I'm not suggesting you quit your job. But for those of us who spend the majority of our days in the workplace, the chances that your Mr. Right will come from your office is great. Many women work in fields that are dominated heavily by women. Teaching, social work, administrative work and nursing all fall into these fields. Meeting your future husband is a numbers game. You need to be around men to meet men and eventually meet your husband. Don't quit your job, just make sure that you spend time outside of work doing social activities.
8. You're a homebody
Many single women work all day and then go home in the evening, only to repeat the cycle the next day. If you want to meet people, you need to be around people. Make it a point to go out EVERY night of the week, even if you're tired. Go where the men are. That means joining the gym (not a women's gym) Go to bowling alleys, golf ranges, batting cages, restaurants that have big screen tv's during major sporting events. Go to a baseball game, join a biking club. Check out business networking events. It's a numbers game, so place yourself in the company of as many men as possible.
7. You chose the wrong major
If you attended college, what was your major? Many majors, such as those in the liberal arts--communication, nursing, art, theater, are dominated by women. Certain majors have students that are overwhelmingly male. These fields include business, IT (Information Technology), engineering, mathematics and science. Looking to go back to college for an advanced degree? Select a male-dominated degree path. If none of these subjects suit your interests, select a college that has a higher male than female population. Technical colleges are a great example of this phenomenon.
6. Birds of a feather...
When you go out socially, do you go alone or with a group? If you are always flocked by five of your closest gal pals, men may be too intimidated to approach you. I'm not saying to do everything solo, but just realize that most men don't want to walk up to a table of women to talk to you and risk rejection and humiliation. And furthermore, stop taking advice about men from your female single girlfriends. Go to your male friends and family members for the best advice.
5. You're doing too much
I know I'm going to get a lot of negative backlash for this one, but it's absolutely true. You have three degrees, a home, and a BMW. Men are biologically hardwired to take care of and provide for their woman. If you already have everything that you could ever need in life, he may think there is nothing he can do for you. Now don't go out and sell your house and get a Yugo. In order to make yourself attractive to your potential husband, you have to let him know that he will be able to provide for you.
4. You don't appear feminine or youthful
Scientifically and biologically speaking, men are more attracted to women who exude high fertility. They are looking for a woman that can help him pass along his genes, so to this end, he will subconsciously be attracted to youthful and feminine women. This doesn't mean that you can't find a husband if you're older. Any woman can find a partner, but science draws us to partners who are most likely to help us reproduce. Which brings me to my next point...
3. You don't look like a wife
A man who is looking for a serious relationship wants a woman who looks like she would make a good wife. Are you half-naked in your social networking profile? Your man will subconsciously be afraid that you will be unfaithful. And how's your hair? Short hair may be cute and trendy, but long, flowing locks suggest youth. Try wearing softer colors, dresses, and other feminine touches. (I know this is not politically correct, but if you're looking for a spouse and you're over 30, you don't need political correctness.) Wear a little makeup and earrings wherever you go.
2. You're silent
Speak to every man you meet. Yes, I said that. Make it a point to smile and say "good morning" or "good afternoon" to every man you meet. Your friendliness can be just the ticket to invite him to start a conversation with you. Even if he's married, he may have a brother or a friend you may like.
1. You're afraid
Men love confident women. So get out there, smile and be friendly. Know that your Mr. Right is out there, no matter what your age. He's a lot closer than you think.
Lora on December 12, 2016:
Alex, thank you so much. I am from Central Asia. Have the same problem. People say I'm clever, beautiful and successful. However, I have no one to date with. I probably have to think of moving too.
Alex on March 01, 2015:
This list is inaccurate! The truth of the matter is that dating and marriage is a numbers game. I know women who did not do any of the things above and are in relationships, engaged, and married. And I know women (like myself) who have done all these things and stayed single for years. Why? Because its all a numbers games and depends on a variety of factors that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Most of my friends who are married or in relationships met their significant others in college. I was engaged to a man I dated in college but it didn't work. Once you miss out on that opportunity of meeting someone in college, sadly, you'll have to work so much harder to find those decent single bachelors.
Women need to understand that DEMOGRAPHICS MATTER!! The male to female ratio, the median age, median income, education levels of your current city probably plays the HUGEST factor in why you may still be single. Men who are financially stable, in their 30's, and educated are more likely to marry. If you live in a city where those men are few and far in between, then you're not going to get the results you want.
I grew up in Chicago. I was in a relationship most of the time and was engaged by 25. You're hometown is always going to be an easier place for you because you have more family and friends and familiarity and that increases the likelihood of you meeting someone. But if you're someone like me who didn't stay home, keep reading.
I went away to school in DC and Boston then moved to NYC to work for a big fancy law firm. Being in DC, Boston, and NYC took away many years of my ability to find a mate. Boston was the only city where my dating life was decent where men were very educated but the city was too young and most of the men where still on the grind. However I spent most of my time in DC and NYC and they aren't called the worst cities to date in for nothing! DC was full of gay men and the single men had far too many options. NYC was even worst. Full of men who wanted to get rich and play the field. Women out number men. This creates a dating nightmare for women. Over 50% of the women in NYC are single. And from what I could tell, many of them were beautiful, smart, fun and successful women. But in any city where women out number men, especially the financially stable men, its a shit show. Psychologist and Economist have long discovered that having too many options makes it harder for people to make a decision and scarcity makes people desperate and they make decisions much quicker. Most women are experiencing a scarcity of quality men and it has turned us desperate and we are making quick decisions without thinking. But this can be reversed.
Most people who don't meet in college, meet their significant others at work but almost all of my co workers were married and I knew I had to leave of else I'd still be single 10 years from now. So after turning 33 my co worker told me that I was too great of a girl to still be single for so long. So I gave up my fancy 6 figure job and moved out west.
Las Vegas, Phoenix, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland and Seattle. All big cities where you will not only find that men out number women 2 to 1, but they also have higher than average salaries, are very educated and the median age is 35-44. Those numbers say it all ladies! I moved San Fran where I knew no one, found a decent paying job and within 8 mos, I met this incredible guy who is now my fiancé. I didn't do anything different from what I was doing in NYC. I joined clubs and had hobbies in NYC and I did the same thing when I moved. Sure, the life style was slower maybe even a bit boring in comparison but I was meeting way more men who were financially stable and actually interested in dating me seriously. When I did online dating in DC and NYC, men would flirt with me and comment on my looks, calling me sexy, etc and then they'd disappear and randomly ask me out on a date a week or two later. There was very little substance and when we went out on dates, they were mostly interested in having a good time over drinks. This completely changed when I moved out west! Men were asking me out on dates immediately and wanted to take me out on creative dates and were talking to me about children and my life goals by the second date. They weren't all great guys (I repeat, they WERE NOT all great guys) but they were all mostly looking for something serious and this was such a breathe of fresh air for me.
If you are an educated woman who makes a decent salary and you want an equal partner, you may have to make a big sacrifice to find one. And for me, that meant moving to a different city, alone, where the numbers were in my favor. My only advice would be that because the men in these cities tend to be very educated, you may want to make sure you have similar credentials or at least have a good job. In most cities, my career and education made it harder for me to date because men were intimidated and felt inferior. But that's the complete opposite in SF. My finance is an engineer and couldn't be intimidated because he was doing way better than me anyway.
My single friends back home are still beating that "I'm an independent woman and I don't need a man" drum so they aren't willing to admit that they want and need a mate. I on the other hand was successful but saw no pleasure is not having someone to share my success with. So if you are serious about it, I'd suggest you start doing some research and find out which city will fit you best.
I'm getting married in 6 mos. and I'm very happy I made that decision to move.
Good Luck ladies!
Niki on January 11, 2015:
half of this stuff doesn't apply to me. i never dated in my 20s and still no one asks me out or when they do they don't show up. i cant even find work even though i have done over 500 applications in 8 months. i am a homebody because i am to broke to drive to the store let alone go out. my major was business but had to drop out to care for a disabled parent and there is no other family to help me so i can get a break. NEVER had a friend to go out with. to many people i know take my kindness and never give back so i don't have friends no one has shown me they are my friend. not doing to much lost my fortune in the recession, my car is wrecked i am living off of charity and desperately need someone that wants to take care of me so that's not the problem. i may be 31 but i look 24, my hair goes to my mid thigh. i am dressed conservatively for summer in my social media photos. i am anything but silent i can talk to anyone about anything. and the only thing i am afraid of are the jerks that i can find that want me to support them while they play video games. this article is a bunch of bull just another way to tell women it is their fault when the reality is men in their 30s have multiple kids by multiple women don't work and want someone to support them. ladies don't believe this bull.
Antony on December 27, 2012:
Becouse you are not good looking women and becouse you are lieyer and you can't cook !!!!! The truth ladys . the truth !!!
Im not an American male so...Men are smart , we don't believe in Mariage. Its not working and you know it . Stop the leis . Feminists killed it . The lesbians !!!
Cecilia on August 30, 2012:
My name is Cecilia and it is my pleasure to tell you this testimony. I
am 40 years old and I was desperately in need of husband and non of
the men or guys out there would have me out, I met a lady in a box and
as will where discussing she asked of my husband and that reminded me
of my pains, so I bust into tears and after a while I told her my
story that no one could ask me for marriage then she said your problem
over and I started crying again because it was like she laughing at
But after telling me her own story how she lose her husband to her own
friend and later got him back with the help rendered to her by Dr.
Okouta, she gave me just his E-mail address I wrote to him and after
one week fore the first time in my life I was approached by man it was
like a joke to me, I didn’t give him any chance, and for that same week
it was like I am a celebrity in the eyes of men, they where chasing
after me anywhere I go till I got settle with Garry and as I talk to
you now I am happily married with two kids.
I love my husband and he loves me too, I just want to use this
opportunity to testify of Dr. Okouta’s good work. He is capable of
so many things try him and be the next person to testify. His name is
Okouta and his E-MAIL IS; firstname.lastname@example.org
Please don’t forget to tell other persons when you get helped.
I wish you luck.
Alexis on May 02, 2012:
If I had three degrees, a home, and a BMW what would I want a man for?
cashmere from India on November 11, 2010:
Good tips... And don't worry getting married and having babies will all happen in their own time. And i am quite sure they wont have three arms :)