Dating Submissive and Sensitive Men
Sensitive or submissive men are very different from normal guys in their behavior. Many of the dating rules don’t apply to them at all and much of what you thought you knew about men won't work when dating them.
I can’t tell you if there are more sensitive men nowadays than in the past. Probably it’s just that more men are allowing themselves to be openly sensitive and vulnerable. It used be clear-cut that men could not show signs of weakness or vulnerability to anyone, but in modern times (fortunately) many men have managed to emancipate themselves from those social expectations, and I think it’s wonderful.
Let's take a look at some of the benefits and challenges in dating this kind of man. I'll do my best to look at it from both the male and the female perspective, but please bear with me if I don't do everyone justice.
Who Are Submissive Men?
I’m particularly talking about men who wish to take on a more submissive role in their relationships with women. They don’t mind a woman taking charge and making many of the decisions. In fact, they love it. They look for women who will ‘wear the trousers’ in their household. Submissive men are attracted to strong and confident women who likewise enjoy holding the reins.
There are varying degrees of submissiveness in men, though. Some will want to take it very far and basically hand over all the decision making to their girlfriends. They seek a kind of gender role reversal from what used to be normal in the stereotypical 1950s family. But there are very few men of this kind and I’ve never personally met one that really wants this. Some may fantasize about it, but that is another story.
Most of those men that you’d call submissive ideally want a mix between having a woman tell them what to do and having certain areas where they make the decisions. For example, many such men will still be the main breadwinner in their family.
So there are very many different types of submissive men but most of them do have a number of traits in common which I’ll look into next.
If you like submissive men, you’ll have noticed by now that things don’t work the way they used to in the dating game. Going to dating advice pages or relationship experts is usually futile because they are geared towards a typical kind of male behavior that you probably won’t find in submissive men. They are a completely different animal. They think and feel differently from the regular guys and this means that you have to deal with them in another way.
Most women who are attracted to submissive men will have a dominant side to them. One complaint I’ve heard and read a lot by these types of women is that there are no submissive men. They get many guys approaching them claiming to be submissive, but once the relationship gets going, they don’t want to have the woman take charge at all. I can imagine this happening all the time. Their mistake is that they’re still thinking like prey.
In dating submissive men, the woman must change her approach. You are now the hunter and he is the prey. Don’t sit there waiting for someone to pick you up because that’s already giving up control and letting someone else take charge. The kind of men who have approached you are the hunters so it’s perfectly logical that they won’t be truly submissive. They may have said that they like strong women who are in charge and they might even believe it themselves (imagining something like 'wouldn't it be awesome if she was in charge?") but it’s unlikely that it will last beyond the honeymoon.
You need to become the hunter. You know what kind of man you want. So go and find him and just pick him up like the trophy he is. The truly submissive men are out there waiting for exactly that to happen. Of course it’s still far from foolproof but it’s an angle you should try. That leads to the obvious question of where to find your targets. Well, that's a little bit like asking "where do I find kind people?" It's easier to answer where you WON'T find them.
They are unlikely to be found where regular guys like to hang out. This is because such men often prefer to mix with women or other sensitive men. It's not that they don't also go to bars and clubs, but when they're there, they'll probably put on a front to appear confident and strong.
My Experience With Sensitive Men
I have an affinity for soft and sensitive men (not to the exclusion of masculine men though). This has also drawn me to men that tend to be the shy type. In parties, I was always more interested in the boys standing on the side, the introverted types (only later I realized that the men I really wanted were probably not to be found at such parties). I’ve also had my share of disappointments in this area,though.
Many of the shy, sensitive men turned out to be the opposite when I got to know them. I’ve heard that men who date strong women get the same kind of disappointments. They say that many women just put on a confident front but really don’t want to be strong at all. I think these misunderstandings are a result of too many people pretending to be something that they’re not.
We feel the pressure to act a certain way in society and so we give the wrong idea about ourselves. And likewise, everybody else is doing the same thing so most people we meet are nothing like what they seem. I was guilty of this myself and I’m sure many women and men have the same problem. It’s down to a lack of public honesty, really. I doubt it’ll change anytime soon, so we all have to accept the fact that finding someone who matches our personality is very much of a gamble. Got a little side tracked there.
What I Like About Them
It’s closely related to my attraction to feminine men. I feel much more of a connection to them and we can get much closer emotionally. I also get a strong maternal instinct kicking in when I see a man vulnerable and submissive. It makes me want to hold and protect him just like you’d do with a kitten. I know it sounds crazy.
Also physically, sensitive men seem to be more open to having fun mutually. That is the word really: mutual. With submissive men, everything is more mutual whether it’s responsibility, earning, or making decisions. That is, of course, a great basis for a long-term relationship.