Dating Submissive and Sensitive Men
Sensitive or submissive men are very different from normal guys in their behavior. Many of the dating rules don’t apply to them at all and much of what you thought you knew about men won't work when dating them.
I can’t tell you if there are more sensitive men nowadays than in the past. It is most likely that more men are allowing themselves to be openly sensitive and vulnerable. It used be clear-cut that men should not show signs of weakness or vulnerability to anyone, but in modern times (fortunately), many men have managed to emancipate themselves from those social expectations, and I think it’s wonderful.
Let's take a look at some of the benefits and challenges in dating this kind of man. I'll do my best to look at it from both the male and the female perspective, but please bear with me if I don't do everyone justice.
Who Are Submissive Men?
I’m particularly talking about men who wish to take on a more submissive role in their relationships with women. They don’t mind a woman taking charge and making many of the decisions. In fact, they love it. They look for women who will ‘wear the trousers’ in their household. Submissive men are attracted to strong and confident women who likewise enjoy holding the reins.
There are varying degrees of submissiveness in men, though. Some will want to take it very far and basically hand over all the decision making to their girlfriends. They seek a kind of gender role reversal from what used to be normal in the stereotypical 1950s family. But there are very few men of this kind and I’ve never personally met one that really wants this. Some may fantasize about it, but that is another story.
Most of those men that you’d call submissive ideally want a mix between having a woman tell them what to do and having certain areas where they make the decisions. For example, many such men will still be the main breadwinner in their family.
So there are very many different types of submissive men, but most of them do have a number of traits in common which I’ll look into next.
How to Date a Sensitive Man
- Don't approach them like other guys. If you like submissive men, you’ll have noticed by now that things don’t work the way they used to in the dating game. Going to dating advice pages or relationship experts is usually futile because they are geared towards a typical kind of male behavior that you probably won’t find in submissive men. They are a completely different animal. They think and feel differently from the regular guys and this means that you have to deal with them in another way.
- You have to take charge. Most women who are attracted to submissive men will have a dominant side to them. One complaint I’ve heard and read a lot from these types of women is that there are no submissive men. They get many guys approaching them claiming to be submissive, but once the relationship gets going, they don’t want to have the woman take charge at all. I can imagine this happening all the time. Their mistake is that they’re still thinking like prey.
- Be wary of men who claim to be submissive. In dating submissive men, the woman must change her approach. You are now the hunter and he is the prey. Don’t sit there waiting for someone to pick you up because that’s already giving up control and letting someone else take charge. The kind of men who have approached you are the hunters, so it’s perfectly logical that they won’t be truly submissive. They may have said that they like strong women who are in charge and they might even believe it themselves (imagining something like, "Wouldn't it be awesome if she was in charge?") but it’s unlikely that it will last beyond the honeymoon. You need to become the hunter. You know what kind of man you want. So go and find him and just pick him up like the trophy he is. The truly submissive men are out there waiting for exactly that to happen. Of course, it’s still far from foolproof, but it’s an angle you should try. That leads to the obvious question of where to find your targets. Well, that's a little bit like asking, "Where do I find kind people?" It's easier to answer where you won't find them.
- Visit different locations to meet men. They are unlikely to be found where regular guys like to hang out. This is because such men often prefer to mix with women or other sensitive men. It's not that they don't also go to bars and clubs, but when they're there, they'll probably put on a front to appear confident and strong.
How to Recognize a Sensitive/Submissive Man
- Take note of their demeanor when it comes to opening up about their feelings or emotions. Sensitive guys tend to be more reserved.
- Sensitive guys often take things very personally. Pay attention if they get hurt easily. In addition, they tend to avoid talking about what offended them.
- Submissive guys tend to be very attentive listeners.
- They may be uncomfortable in large crowds. Pay attention if they are not into big parties.
- Take note if they struggle to make any type of choices.
- If you try to hide your feelings around them, sensitive guys can often pick up on small cues that give away your true feelings. They can at least tell you're hiding something.
- They enjoy conversations on the bigger and deeper things in life. Pay attention if you notice that they move beyond surface-level chat.
Tips for Dating a Submissive Man
Here are some things to keep in mind when you are in a relationship with a submissive man.
- Take the reigns. A sensitive man will have expectations of you. A big one you must meet is taking charge most of the time. You have to be honest with yourself if this is something you can do. If not, then dating a submissive man may not be the best for you.
- Treat him as an equal. Being dominant does not mean you can lack respect for your man. He is still a human with feelings that should be treated as an equal in your relationship. You should get to know of any boundaries or limits early in your relationship.
- Be cautious when you are upset. You are bound to have arguments in any relationship. Keep in mind that a sensitive man may take something you say very hard. Try to understand things or topics that are sensitive to him and avoid them. Keep in mind that they will likely feel bad about things they've said as well.
- Be a good listener. Being open and vulnerable may be challenging for a guy. Always here them out, and make them feel comfortable in knowing they can talk to you.
- Be open about your feelings. A sensitive guy will know something is wrong without you telling him. Being open with him will let him know that you trust him. Remember that he will likely lower his guard around you, so he will appreciate the same.
Benefits of Dating a Submissive Man
- They are intuitive to your thoughts and feelings. They are emotionally responsive as they often relate more to your feelings.
- A submissive man is ideal if you really like doing things your way. You should be sure if they are fine on how you run things, but they will generally be content with whatever makes you happy.
- They are more than happy to cater to your needs in a relationship. They will often go out of their way to make you happy.
- They often behave like traditional gentlemen. They will do exaggerated acts of chivalry and defer towards women. Expect to be asked a lot if things are to your liking.
Drawbacks of Dating Submissive Men
- A sensitive guy may be prone to anxiety or depression. It is important that you take the role of supporting him and easing whatever troubles he may have.
- Their submissive nature may make them an emotional sponge of sorts. They could absorb any negativity you give off. Try to stay upbeat since your mood may affect them as well.
- Sensitive guys often have a hard time making decisions. They fear making a wrong choice, it doesn't matter if the choice is big or small. Being a frequent decision maker will be vital in the relationship.
- You can't be too dependent on them. Sensitive men often take on the troubles of those close to him. Placing your own worries or troubles on him may overburden him.
- They may need time to adjust when the relationship begins. They may need some time alone or can seem hesitant at times.
My Experience With Sensitive Men
I have an affinity for soft and sensitive men (not to the exclusion of masculine men, though). This has also drawn me to men that tend to be the shy type. In parties, I was always more interested in the boys standing on the side, the introverted types (only later I realized that the men I really wanted were probably not to be found at such parties). I’ve also had my share of disappointments in this area, though.
Many of the shy, sensitive men turned out to be the opposite when I got to know them. I’ve heard that men who date strong women get the same kind of disappointment. They say that many women just put on a confident front but really don’t want to be strong at all. I think these misunderstandings are a result of too many people pretending to be something that they’re not.
We feel the pressure to act a certain way in society and so we give the wrong idea about ourselves. And likewise, everybody else is doing the same thing, so most people we meet are nothing like what they seem. I was guilty of this myself and I’m sure many women and men have the same problem. It’s down to a lack of public honesty, really. I doubt it’ll change anytime soon, so we all have to accept the fact that finding someone who matches our personality is very much a gamble.
What I Like About Them
It’s closely related to my attraction to feminine men. I feel much more of a connection to them and we can get much closer emotionally. I also get a strong maternal instinct kicking in when I see a man vulnerable and submissive. It makes me want to hold and protect him just like you’d do with a kitten. I know it sounds crazy.
From a physical perspective, sensitive men seem to be more open to having fun mutually. That is the word really: mutual. With submissive men, everything is more mutual whether it’s responsibility, earning, or making decisions. That is, of course, a great basis for a long-term relationship.