It isn't always easy to tell if you're dating a player. Pro players can keep a number of women at their fingertips without any of them ever knowing. As you get closer to your boyfriend, you'll start to notice clues and feel it in your gut. Make sure to stay classy no matter what and don't come off as a crazy stalker. If he is a player, it will come to light. If he is genuine, this will come to light as well. Don't stress yourself out too much. It's easy to have trust issues and blow things out of proportion, so don't blow the trigger on something romantic too quick or too soon.
So why do players play? The list of reasons is never ending. It could be because they consider it fun, or they just think they'll never get caught. And then there's the hopeless romantic in us all that hopes they just don't believe they are good enough for a relationship. Players have nothing to do with relationships. There goal is to have fun, and once it's no longer fun -- bolt. They don't want to deal with the real pains of life. You need someone who can go into those dark corners, who isn't afraid to encounter Voldemort, and you need someone that isn't afraid of Darth Vader. Good leaders in this world won't let the real things scare them. This is the kind of person you should be dating. Not someone who only wants the fun, without the parts that actually make a relationship interesting -- the deep stuff, the conflicts, the decisions. I often don't like the way couples say "it hasn't always been easy... but"
When people say that stuff they're trying their best to say what is good -- but they're failing, miserably. The real point is: life is based on conflict. All good literature has great conflict. But it's not so much the conflict that defines the relationship, it's the characters who are willing to face it and overcome it to get to better pastures. You already have to deal with conflict and challenge it. A relationship is someone who also wants to do that with you, to face the obstacles head on, rather than allow the problems to grow.... someone who tries to handle a relationship as if they were cutting hair with toe nail clippers. Tedious at best. You have to go straight for the jugular to resolve issues. You can't dance around at your ankles and hair tips and expect to make progress.
A lot of guys are merely ankles and hair tips. Cute, but you're not going through Mordor with that.
1. He mentions his ex in too positive of a manner. You get the impression that they are not just friends, but still have a connection. He could be dating the two of you at the same time. He may have actually never broke up with her.
2. He won't see you at certain times of the week or has poor reasons why he can't see you during that time.
3. He makes poor excuses to cancel on you -- chalks it up to allergies, says he ate too much food, wants to spend time cleaning behind his television.
4. When you visit him, you find trinkets that belong to other women that are not you.
5. Sometimes he says he swears he told you certain details. What he means is that he told another lady the same details but forget which one he told.
6. He says whatever he can to get some action with you; lying is not beneath him. It's confusing as to whether or not he wants a relationship with you or is playing the field.
7. He pushes you frequently for something more physical and is remiss at talking about his emotions or the future.
8. He refers to other women frequently and doesn't seem to have a clear definition of what is a female friend. He may refer to you simply as friend even if you feel like that stage has past.
9. He refers to you as accepting his "routine." Why would someone use the word "routine?"
10. He seems tired and disconnected all the time. You know he works hard, but he doesn't seem as energetic as you. He may be spending his energy on someone else.
11. When describing you and why he likes you, he lists of his favorite features as though you are a car. He struggles to talk about why he thinks he has a good connection with you.
12. He is jealous of any male presence in your life. This is very telling. Jealous people often go behind other people's backs to get some action. They don't trust people because they betray people behind their backs.
13. The terms of your relationship or dating experience are too loose. It makes it easy for him to say, well you weren't exactly my girlfriend, were you? Dick move for sure.
14. He seems emotionally confused more than he should. One moment he is warm to you, the next he is cold. You can chalk it up to stress or other life events, but at some point it will become suspicious.
15. He only has one favorite activity with you. He never plans dates. He never asks about your friends. He never asks about your family. He only wants your body.
16. He flat out tells you he is a player.
17. He says he isn't anywhere near in his life to settle down with one woman.
18. You met him on a dating app and he is still using dating apps frequently. You can find his profile on it. He says he got into dating apps to hookup with lots of ladies.
19. He treats people in service with no respect. He makes rude comments about wait staff, he never says thank you, and he walks all over people. This is someone who doesn't respect people's feelings.
20. He is way too sexual to be normal. He often wants to try new things that he found out about and pressures you into things you didn't really want to try.
21. He frequently makes promises he can't keep because he hopes the promise will impress you. He has not intention of follow through.
22. He isn't interested in what makes you tick as a person. He'd rather just know you on a shallow basis.
23. He broke up with his last girlfriend for you. He will eventually break up with you for someone else. Maybe even go back to his last girlfriend... if he ever did break up with her.
24. He confuses what's happened in your life with another girl he has been seeing.
25. He gets dates and times confused all the time.
26. He asks you if you would be interested in a threesome.
27. He has stood you up more than once without explaining why.
28. He leaves for extended periods of time, whole weekends, without telling you where he went and who you went with. You would have to try prying it out of him to get any information.
29. He mocks you and says you don't trust him enough.
30. He gets up and leaves to make mysterious phone calls that he doesn't tell you who it was.
If you know he is playing with your heart, don't stick with it. It may suck to breakup and move on -- but sticking around with someone who doesn't respect you won't change. You have to cut the cord. There are plenty of others on this big planet who would love to date you and will appreciate you for all that you have to offer. So don't be afraid if you caught him playing behind your back. Step up to the plate and stand up for yourself. And if you ever feel that you are in a dangerous situation, tell your friends, call violence hotlines, call for help. You don't have to do this alone. You are strong, beautiful, and majestic. You deserve a boyfriend who cares about your needs. You deserve a boyfriend who will offer their shoulder for your tears. You deserve a good life. Don't let some bad boyfriend bring you down. Never let anyone take away your smile. You deserve to make this world a better place than when you entered it.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on November 13, 2016:
Try hitting up new places. Don't let someone bully you out of your fun. It doesn't matter if you are single or not -- enjoy your time, life is too short otherwise. He will keep doing it to you if he thinks it bothers you. So don't sweat it, and he'll be stumped. He's being immature and not worth your time. Players do these things out of control.
Yoleen Lucas from Big Island of Hawaii on November 11, 2016:
Great advice. But how do you handle it when he makes a point of always showing up wherever you're out enjoying yourself without a date, and he rubs that in your face? Must you resign yourself to staying home if you can't get just any date? Or is there a better way to deal with this?