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Signs You Are Ready to Move in Together

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

It should feel natural and like it makes sense when you're ready to move in together.

It should feel natural and like it makes sense when you're ready to move in together.

How Do You Know When It's Time to Move In Together?

It’s hard to say when these things will happen — when you’ll have your first kiss, when you’ll fall in love, and when you’ll feel comfortable enough to give a pair of keys to your boyfriend.

Despite all of the rules, spreadsheets, and graphs I could give you, each relationship is its own beast. Moving in together is becoming a natural part of a budding romance. Part of the reason: people live in homes spread out across cities, states, and the whole universe. It makes life easier when you don’t have to travel from a beach to a cold mountain to someone you want to kiss.

So how do you know when it is the right time to move in together?

Questionnaire: Are You Ready to Live With Your Romantic Partner?

  • Are you taking this seriously? Speaking as a person who helps people with dating and relationships, you have to respect what you're doing first. Moving in together isn't something you do lightly.
  • Are you financially ready? It's also not what you do because you're financially insecure. You need to get your finances in order BEFORE you move in together. Not after the fact. Wait till you are in a serious, committed relationship.
  • Do you have good communication? This person needs to be someone you can communicate with about everything.
  • Have you fully discussed expectations? You need to know if the two of you are going to share the same room or if you need separate rooms till marriage. Talk about the rules, expectations, bills, and the like. If that doesn't sound like fun and where you are—you have to accept that truth.
  • Do you both agree? Both parties should feel this is natural and what they want. No one should be forcing the other to stay.
  • Are you old enough? You may feel better about moving in with someone if you wait till you're a little older. If you don't want to move in till you're married, discuss the reasons why and make it clear. What is marriage to you?
  • Are you ready to be 100% honest and open with each other? When you move in with someone just as a roommate (not a romantic interest), it's not so bad when your secrets are exposed. But when you move in with someone you're romantically involved with, the fact that you can't hide anything may start to become a problem. You need to be open and honest.
  • Have you done this before? It also helps to move in with your partner if you have had prior roommates. It may help if you wait till you're a little older. Moving in with someone at 18 is a recipe for a disaster, train wreck, and apocalypse all combined. You know you're ready to move in with someone when you have lived by yourself, had independence, and rocked at it.
  • Can you take responsibility for yourself? You're not afraid to pay bills, you take care of chores, you have hobbies, and you manage your health.

Ideally, you'll answer "yes" to all of these questions before moving in together. For me moving in came with ending a long distance setup. I was fortunate to get a good job and a large enough home that we could live comfortably together. He found a new job, slowly brought in his things, and communicated through the whole process. That is an ideal situation.

22 Signs You're Ready to Move In With Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend

  1. You're accepting of their faults. You're not going to make a big deal over something small. You're not going to make a scene just to make a scene.
  2. You're ready to move in with someone if you clean up after yourself. You're also ready if you help them with the small things they do that they forget to clean. And you don't make a big deal about it.
  3. You've spent enough time with each other and have made it clear where you are going forward.
  4. You have at least talked about your thoughts on marriage.
  5. You're aware of how much stuff the other person has along with yours. Are you going to need to cull your stuff? Do you have a lot of similar items? Will you need a garage sale?
  6. You both have directions as to where you roughly want to go in life. Maybe he wants to pursue a medical career, maybe she wants to pursue something with art. You're at least on some kind of track, whether school, a job, something.
  7. You have met each other's families.
  8. You have discussed what kind of pets you want. You have discussed what kind of needs your current pets have.
  9. You have successfully and charismatically been through a terse conversation.
  10. You discuss your favorite chores and least favorite chores. You know what to expect around the house.
  11. Talk about things that absolutely do not work in a living situation.
  12. You have healthy communication. You two are open and talk about everything. You're not a couple with secrets.
  13. It's a natural process. The two of you already spend so much time together, that you kind of already live together.
  14. You're madly, deeply in love with each other. Besides all the practical things, the two of you know you want to spend your lives together. Now you're figuring out how to do it.
  15. You're not afraid to show each other the weirdest piece of clothing in your closet. You have a bonnet. And that's okay.
  16. The two of you have traveled on a long road trip, and you didn't break down into a crazy fight. Spend a vacation with each other. Lots of time together can show the real sides of people.
  17. You two talk about how you see the future, what you want to do with your lives.
  18. You have discussed birth control options.
  19. You have discussed any health concerns you have.
  20. You have talked about your world views.
  21. You're at a point where you can be stable. You're out of college, you have a good job, and you can afford rent or a mortgage.
  22. The two of you are happy together. You make each other laugh. You're there to support each other. You have seen each other cry. You know how to comfort each other. You have a strong relationship, not a weak one.
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Read More From Pairedlife

Moving in together can be an exciting step forward in your relationship.

Moving in together can be an exciting step forward in your relationship.

Pro Tips on Living Together

How clean is your partner? The two of you really need to focus on what the living situation will look like. Be upfront about what chores you like doing and what chores tend to get forgotten. You are a team and need to be adults about taking care of a home. Don't be afraid to call a maid or call for help if you are getting behind on yours chores. Your relationship is more of a priority. There are really good deals out there for maids and groupon packages.

Do not become a home overlord. You both share the same spaces. A lot of fights will happen because you don't see eye to eye about simple things, which can sometimes be about bigger things. It doesn't matter what way the toilet paper rests, don't be picky about how the bed is made, and never get onto someone for actually cleaning something because it's not the way you would have done it.

It'll be nice to split the bills down the middle. Sometimes women get in charge of doing all the groceries, make sure men are still paying their fair share. Take her out to dinner, buy her gifts -- but try to spilt the housework and bills evenly.

If you feel like you have too much on your plate, start de-cluttering your home and that will make you feel better. A clean home can really be a positive boost to your relationship.

Always be looking for better ways to communicate your stress. Stress management is ideal for keeping the both of you happy and healthy. Do not nag, belittle, or go off on tangents out of anger. Look for the most rational and sound ways to live, and avoid destructive habits.

Rocking Living Together

You don't just want to live in the same place together, you want to rock at living together. Here are some ways to make an ordinary situation into an ideal one.

  1. Buy gifts for your partner with some frequency. Have a hidden spot where you stowaway gifts, so you can bring one out on a rainy day. People like surprise gifts that are meaningful.
  2. De-clutter. Donate old items you have that you don't need or use anymore. Upgrade items that have aged poorly. Don't be afraid to let go of items for new items. Some items do not need replacements.
  3. Pay your bills online. This should be common sense at this point, but anything you can do to limit the amount of paper mail you get is just an overall win.
  4. Learn how to cook. You'll save more money by relying on groceries. You can start learning how to cook from YouTube or Baking an item once a month to have something sweet keeps a home happy.
  5. Have a shared hobby you can spend time doing.
  6. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. This will keep your body and mind fresh. Even better: if the two of you can find a shared exercise activity that you like.
  7. If someone keeps having the same problem, don't belittle them. Find a way to better navigate the issue. Don't just write them off over something small. Be supportive.
  8. Try having a consistent schedule for when you go to bed. Your health will improve for both you and your relationship when you are getting enough sleep. Your body will be happy with a consistent schedule. This can help reduce anxiety.
  9. Let people have their space and alone time. There is a certain amount of distance necessary for balance. It's kind of like eyebrows; they are better with space.
  10. Don't be afraid of a no or a yes. Things are not always going to go your way, and that's selfish anyway. You want to serve your partner to the best of your abilities.

© 2017 Andrea Lawrence

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