I'm a Midwesterner with a background in writing and media. My articles are mainly about relationships, dating, and heartbreak.
As far back as we can go in human history, men have been trying to figure out what signs a woman gives to let you know there's interest. Studies show that we as humans communicate a large percent through our bodies, and not just our voices. Think of the movie The Little Mermaid. Ariel loses her voice and has to convince a prince that he is in love using only her body language. Of course, an evil sea witch steps in and screw things up for the mermaid, but would Ariel have even taken this ludicrous challenge if it wasn't possible to win someone over this way?
Our bodies—from our heads to our toes—have their own ways of signaling what we're thinking. You can read body language cues not only to detect romantic interest, but also to see if someone is disloyal, annoyed, not feeling well, or comfortable around you.
Many women will subconsciously give off cues—sometimes calculated to get your attention. If you're unsure what to do when she's signaling interest, ask yourself first if you want to play along in the game. What you can do to reciprocate her interest is to copy her body language: Mirror her. Lots of sociologists find that mirroring is positively received. If she leans in for a cup of water, do it too; if she laughs, you should laugh too; if she gives hugs . . . you should too.
Some women are much more modest than others. Don't panic if she isn't giving you lots of body language and touch cues. Some people take some warming up to people before they want to make a romantic investment. If you enjoy spending time with her, then continue to do so regardless of what other dating advice, social cues, or monk mantra to which you prescribe. There are only two real reasons you should stop pursuing someone: (1) She asks you to stop; (2) She's already in a committed relationship with someone else.
Take a deep breath before reading the rest of this and remember: Stay cool, calm, and confident. Things likely will not pan out the way you think they will. Be secure in yourself, and you'll succeed in this arena of life. Don't lash out just because someone decides you're not their cup of tea. There are billions of people on this planet right now. There's a number of possibilities on how your romantic life could play out. Hopefully, that doesn't scare you. The less afraid you are of rejection, the better you'll be able to swim through these not so complicated waters.
Flirtatious Body Language
Dr. Albert Scheflen was an authority on verbal and non-verbal communication. He wrote that "when a person meets someone they are interested in, certain physiological changes take place. The muscle tone increases, body sagging disappears, the body assumes erect posture, and the person appears younger and more attractive. A man will stand taller, expand his chest and look more powerful and dominant, while the woman will tilt her head, and touch her hair while exposing her wrists. Body language reveals how available, attractive, enthusiastic, or even how desperate we are."
When it comes to romance, you want to mainly watch the following:
- Eyes Where exactly are they directing their attention? Pupils tend to dilate or get bigger when someone we like enters a room.
- Lips Are they smiling or frowning?
- Feet Where are they pointed?
- Hands What are they touching, holding, and do they seem jittery?
- Blushing or Sweating Check for sudden redness in the face and neck. Blushing, perspiration, and sweaty palms are good indications they might like you.
- Breathing Sometimes out of nervousness, we may become short of breath. Other times, someone may relax and take slower breaths when they're near the one they love.
Always consider the context and whether the attention you are getting is different from the attention paid to others in the room. How consistent is this person's behavior? Also, consider extenuating circumstances: Have they been drinking, or are they just acting a certain way for a performance?
Remember, not everyone is the same. This just serves as a guide to help you crack the code on whether she likes you or not.
20 Signs She's Into You
Fellas, women's body language is harder to read than yours because women are generally more discrete. As a woman, I'll share some insider information to help you figure out whether she likes you or not, is waiting to ask you out, or is about to ask you out herself.
- She preens her hair. Women tend to have their hands in their hair more when they like someone; it might be the shift in pheromones or just nervous energy, but it's a common sign she likes you.
- She attempts to sit by you or get close to you somehow. If the makes a point of sitting next to you or touching you, that may be a sign.
- She laughs at the smallest, goofiest, strangest things you do. She may laugh explosively or try to cover it up.
- She dresses better to attract your attention. She may wear nicer clothes, do her hair, or pay extra attention to her makeup. She'll keep adding something new to make herself sparkle and make you wonder, is she really getting more and more pretty?
- If she suspects that someone else is after you, her eyes may subtly reveal that she is jealous. She may look away or narrow her eyes if you mention someone else or if another female is near.
- She places her feet close to or pointing towards you. People are generally unconscious of their feet, and hers might be telling you something.
- She touches you. If she touches you on your arms or shoulders—anywhere, for any length of time—it might be a sign.
- She gets nervous. She may turn red or do something clumsy like drop things, trip on herself, or crash into a wall.
- She hovers nearby. You keep turning around and finding her close; at a dance, she looms nearby in the hope that you'll join or ask her to dance with you.
- You see her everywhere. She may follow you and appear at the most perfect times. Either she knows your schedule, or there is magic involved!
- She unconsciously mimics your actions. Picking up a glass of water at the same time, repeating things you say, or crossing her arms the same time you do.
- She may create opportunities for hugging. She may say goodbye, hello, or loom around a place in the hope that you will hug her.
- She pouts her lips to make a sad face and brings out the extra big eyes.
- She gives a coy half-smile. Almost as though half of her mouth grins to her ear while the other half stays still.
- She twirls her hair in her fingers or braids her hair excessively.
- She may get creative. She does something you'll remember her by, like drawing a bunch of weird pictures on a magazine you don't care about.
- Suddenly, she is wearing makeup.
- For no apparent reason, she randomly sings or whistles and occasionally laughs or blushes.
- She makes time to hang out with you. She pursues common interests.
- She holds your hand.
29 More Signs She's Into You
- She drops her head onto your shoulder. Extra points if she makes random noises when she does this. Our heads are incredibly vulnerable. Consider it a compliment if someone lays her head on you.
- During lunch, she'll play footsie while you wait for the meal. Though . . . admittedly, I don't think many women are that into footsie.
- She leaves behind jewelry at your place. It's really hard to tell if someone is doing this intentionally. You can ask to see if she's leaving behind reminders of herself.
- When she's upset about something, she'll confide in you and let you see her cry. This is a vulnerable side to her. Granted, some women cry a whole lot more than others... so don't get too excited if she has a soft heart.
- She'll gladly take your jacket off you if you offer it to her when she's cold.
- Pay attention to her eyes. Often when people like someone, their eyes get super shiny. See if their pupils dilate. Also, consider if the lighting might be extreme in the room and if there's a lot of reflection.
- She unconsciously licks her lips. Caution: Sometimes, people just have chapped lips.
- She may groom herself out of nervousness. Fiddling with buttons or brushing hairs off her coat. If she is playing with her hair, that's a big sign something is up.
- She avoids crossing her arms over her chest. Why? Because that makes her come off like a Negative Nancy.
- If she smiles more than frowns in your presence, this is an overall good sign. Whether romantic or not.
- She may seem relaxed around you . . . or she may seem nervous around you. Not all women are the same.
- She may massage or touch your back. If she's ballsy, yes.
- She tries to arrange being on the same team, group, or whatever. See if this happens consistently. If she isn't trying at all to be on the same team as you, then she probably isn't that interested.
- She has a marker or pen in her hand and for whatever reason offers to draw on you. It doesn't matter whether she's trying to make the Mona Lisa on your arm or if it's just a mad bunch of scribbles.
- She sits on your lap. Yeah, that's forward.
- She runs her fingers through your hair or beard. Ha ha ha . . . yeah, that's also forward.
- She tries to put makeup on you just for fun. Or she tries to get you in a dress. Now, sometimes this is just fun for ladies. More research needs to be done to figure out this playful nature.
- She sits with good posture. Okay, maybe just really overly intentional posture . . . to impress you. Or because she's into posture. Some people are into good posture.
- She greets you with a hug or a big smile. She's excited to see you! How you respond here is critical. If you don't show enthusiasm in these moments, she may tone it down.
- She may become tongue-tied and at a loss for words. For like say what words and I? I mean . . . Hi . . . you are how?
- She may tease you. She may poke you. She may throw snowballs at you. Also, girls don't tease as much as guys. Guys are more likely to tease.
- She may offer you random things like gum, mints, or coffee. She may just be nice and not know what to say, so starts offering you things.
- She acts particularly goofy around you. I mean, she turns into a class act goofball that no one else sees.
- She does something playful like tying your shoes together.
- She dances around you in hopes that you'll dance with her.
- You might catch her glancing your way often. She may do this sneakily or without shame. But if she is doing this with shame, you should really give her some ice cream or cheer her up, you know? Sharing with shame is no fun for anyone. ;)
- If you are sick or hurt, she tries to comfort you to the best of her abilities. Like bringing you soup, blanket, medicine, her favorite movies, puppets, nachos, sports-related things, video games, beer, or a number of things.
- She might get sad or withdrawn if you start talking to a new girl. She's mad jealous, yo.
- She challenges you to thumb or arm wrestle. Because . . . she's without any clue about what to do. Help a girl out.
What Do Hugs Mean?
- The longer a hug, the better. Each added second means she likes you more.
- A pat on the back or shoulder during a hug means "You're clinging to me! It needs to end, please."
- A good hug will feel strong. Like a handshake, weak ones are no good. Hugs are the handshake of friendships and beyond.
- Talking during a hug is a good sign. Just don't recite your favorite manifesto about capitalism. If you don't have your favorite manifesto, get to cracking . . . you only have so many more days to live.
- A hug from behind shows intimacy. Also, a lot of girls don't like that. It can be creepy, unless she knows you pretty well.
- Hands that venture during a hug . . . probably not a good idea.
- Smelling nice will make for a good hug. I mean, general hygiene is an A+ idea.
- You know you've found the right person when you actually get vibes off them during a hug. Like your skin is resonating with baby angels from on high. Ah.
- Hugs can be better than kisses. Although, you should work on both to make sure they're pleasant.
- In Japan, a hug means more than a kiss because you're using your whole stinkin' body.
- A side hug isn't necessarily a bad thing. It may have been the easiest movement to avoid awkwardness or to add additional awkwardness.
Physical Signs She Wants a Relationship
*WARNING: The amount of touching and what it means is not universal. Different cultures have different standards.
- She may hold off on physicality so you won't only think of her as a booty call. Also, she may hold back because she's worried that if she's too flirtatious, you'll run away. She may genuinely have a struggle on how much physical contact is necessary.
- Women start to hunt for hugs when they want a relationship. They'll position themselves in ways that you'll hug them goodbye, hug them hello, etc. A lot of hugs can be friendly, but a lot of women do that so you'll remember them. And give the chance for a goodnight kiss or two.
- If she constantly sits next to you, she's claiming you. Women are also territorial but in different ways. She wants the space next to you so that other competition can't get to you. And being closer to you have its benefits.
- Holding hands. It's cute, innocent, and definitely signals interest.
- She runs her fingers through your hair, pats you on the back, and other constant affirmative touches followed with encouraging words or compliments out of nowhere.
- She dresses up the way she thinks someone would be a relationship. She isn't going to dress like she would at a club, but a little more classy. She wants you to feel successful around her.
Questions & Answers
Question: What does it mean if a girl keeps touching you?
Answer: This is all about context. What time of day is she touching you, where, and does she show other signs of interest? Some girls are much more comfortable dishing out hugs than other girls. If you notice she keeps giving you attention, she is probably hinting that she is interested. Is she trying to hold your hand or does she simply give you high fives?
© 2014 Andrea Lawrence
Brendan Held on January 24, 2020:
What does it mean when a girl gives you a heart hand what does that mean
Constance Haywood on December 29, 2019:
Wow what can l say l am over 50 years old. Every time l#s
Peter on June 02, 2019:
If a girl stands up on her tippy toes when she hugs you, what does that mean? And she's only a couple inches shorter than me, not that short, I've just been thinking about it lately and I really like this girl.
John Smith on April 21, 2019:
The past couple of times that I have been going to church there is this woman (who is married her husband is a truck driver). I don't really know her much (she just moved here from couple of months ago, she is a sister to a friend, that i am a friend with in church. Anyways when we exchange the peace of the lord and everyone greets each other with hugs and says, peace or god be with etc... this lady and especially today (Easter) her hug was nice (the past couple of Sundays she always makes the attempt to give me a hug) but it was her hand that I noticed that it was a slow lingering touch from my back to my side as she was walking away after we exchanged the peace of the lord. Usually I am fairly good at noticing when women like me, I'm not a bad looking guy I always smell good, I'm smart, intelligent, handsome own my own photography business. Is there anyone in this forum that can classify what this long lingering touch meant before I say something that may offend this woman.
quick question on February 28, 2019:
So, I met this girl recently at a slightly classier bar. I went up to her and said 'hi, blah blah....' and we got to talking. She moved closer to me as we talked, and by 20 minutes into our conversation she was unzipping my pants and sliding her hand in. Then, she insisted on having sex with me when I had to leave.
Should I have asked for her number? Does she like me?
Why dont you answer questions in a timely manner on February 11, 2019:
People ask you questions or for advice, then you take weeks or months to answer them. Its rude to not answer or respond.
S b 1 on January 07, 2019:
Ready to go home after thanksgiving, I was standing 1 step down from the living room, my sister in law leaned over my back and hugged me with both arms around me, one just under my neck, the other around my chest and said close to my ear it was great to see you guys, then when she let go, her arms and hands slid all the way across my body. What did that mean?
riley on December 10, 2018:
Your a weird guy, what makes you think a girl likes you if your arm,leg touches hers.It happens all the time to me and to everybody.
Riley on September 26, 2018:
There is this girl at my school and she sits next to me in all of our classes and she touches my leg with hers and my arm with hers everytime what does it mean
Confused on September 16, 2018:
Have a friend who gives me massages and said "your so good". Has kissed me on my cheek three times while at work?! Is she trying to get close to me?
Mark on August 24, 2018:
Scratching my banner with the crest in my room come down we c meet at have good loven
Mark on August 24, 2018:
Continue think I have you tried my fan or if you could get over here by my house I had to come over here and we'll try again back to you cuz I massage you and relax your body kiss your body and I have you are not working right out there to where we got to go but you know what I'm going to weigh
Stranger on July 07, 2018:
I have seen these all signs in my love even she hugs me but when i proposed her,her answer was no.she stops talking with me and said that ‘forget me’. I am shoked.what should i do now?
Nunya from I don't know on May 23, 2018:
Oh boy - So this girl approached me at random one day, at a facility we both frequent. We spent our time there right, and found out we'd been in the same courses. We've since seen each other at least once a week since then and it's gradually increased...
We're both really flirtatious, so between that and the fact that she was mentioning other guys in passing I didn't think she was interested...But after two people told me it seemed like she was, because of the way we act with each other, I decided to balls up and ask her for a date. I started by suggesting an activity I knew we'd both enjoy (Deadpool 2), and then asked for some advice from a friend who told me that if I wanted it to be a date to just mention it to her, but also express whether or not I was coold still just being friends, if I got rejected...Which I totally would have been, because she's a lot of fun, and I was scared about risking the friendship in general.
So fast forward - She said "okay, let's see where this goes', then the day of the date she like had an anxiety attack and said she was scared of starting a relationship, which I want to take things slow with her anyway because I wasn't planning on getting such a big ol crush - I was planning on staying single for a while based on my last relationships, but she's just so great and we get along so well. I appreciated that we already had far better communication than with my last girlfriend who wouldn't tell me jack about how she felt, which made me close off as well, but she straight up was honest with me. I got a little disappointed, thinking that it was rejection but the more I re-read the conversation, it wasn't and I appreciated it more and more. My nerves were shot though, thinking about it, but the date was a lot of fun.
Then a couple of days later, (yesterday) she came over to my house and we hung out and watched movies, and like she was REALLY affectionate...I noticed a LOT of the hair twisting, but she also leaned on me a lot and suggested watching scary movies (which I stated I'm bad with, and continues to try to make me watch more with the promise that 'she'll hold me the whole time') ...There was lots of hand holding on the date, and then when she came to my house, by the end of the night we were like full weight on each other, playing with hair, rubbing arms and hands, and SUPER innocent peck kisses...I got one of the hand, the arm, the cheek and the neck, and then I gave her a few on the head (not the forehead, like the top, while we were cuddling)...I tested the waters by kind of brushing her neck and I was playing with her hair, and I kept asking to make sure what I was doing was cool, because I didn't want to over-step boundaries and she said I was just fine. I just know that she's flirty, and I don't think she would like intentionally lead me on, and she even blurted out "I like you so much" while she was laughing at one of my jokes, whereas it would normally be like the gernealize "haha i love you" that people spill to new friends, etc, when they're being funny...(At least that's how people in my life are) and it sounded REALLY sincere....She also started wearing my jacket, and I like that a lot. Like I think the signs are pretty clear, but I'm also just really nervous about being wrong, and it being just realllllly flirtatious platonic interactions...I'm fine with taking things slow, and not throwing labels around, for both of our sakes, but like according to this list of things....she digs me??????
She also hugged from behind while I was swapping laundry. So that's a REALLY good sign, according to this.
I might die. This is fine.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 13, 2018:
Ask her to hang out or go on a date. Go get coffee. Write her a sweet, short letter. Get her a gift. I think this girl likes you.
Yuri on April 13, 2018:
I'm in high school and this girl always plays in my hair when she gets bored. She touches me chest on up. In English I sometimes catch here staring at me when talking to the girl beside me, she also often draws pictures of my favorite things. How do I approach this?
Josh on December 10, 2017:
So I have been trying to figure this one girl out, she really confuses me because she seems really flirtatious but she is going to be getting engaged to someone else soon (but she shows signs of not liking the guy she is currently dating). She always touches me (practically everywhere other than my junk) and tickles me, she likes biting me to tickle me as well, she lets me lie my head in her lap while she strokes my hair, her and I were practically spooning at one point for like an hour straight. She also hugs me when I greet her and when I leave, and we spend almost all of our free time together, and she sometimes kisses me on the forehead when she gets the chance. Also she sits on my stomach if I’m ever laying down, and she sometimes sits on my lap. I just don’t know what to make of this girl, because she tickles others as well, but not nearly as much as she does me. I just can’t tell if she consideres me as her best friend or as a crush she is in denial about.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on November 16, 2017:
Women ask men out all the time. It usually just happens and is as natural as breathing air.
If you're thinking these things take a "power position," you may see dating too much in terms of control rather than equality.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on November 16, 2017:
Such is life. Good luck to you and your endeavors!
MorlockIAm on November 15, 2017:
No thanks. In this day and age of gender equality and strong independent women I think it is about time they started approaching men if they are attracted to them. Of course they won't because that would involve giving up their power position.
Like many men I have walked away from women anyway.
Thomas42 on November 14, 2017:
"Keep reading info and learning about the art of flirting and you'll start to pick up on things more."
Thanks, but I'm calling it quits. I gave it a shot it's just not working for me. At this point I've gone the majority of my life single and haven't had a date in 15 years .
Such is life.
The Drifter on August 30, 2017:
So, I take class with this girl (we're both college students), and well, basically every time she sees me she comes directly up to me and gives me a big hug while smiling, she smiles almost all the time while with me, also leans on me a lot, laughs at every singe thing I say and do (I'm a bit of a clown hehe), and just today, which is why I'm here, she grabbed my hand and started running her fingers on it. Also, we won't be seeing each other for a week, and she was bummed about it.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on August 17, 2017:
Keep reading info and learning about the art of flirting and you'll start to pick up on things more.
Thomas42 on August 17, 2017:
For non verbal communication I'll stick with semaphore.
I'd have better luck lip reading Portuguese than deciphering a womens random body quirks.
probably one reason I suck at dating (as in I don't)
Anna on May 17, 2017:
When I like a guy but I'm not available to be in a relationship, I'll make a conscious effort to totally tone down or kill any signals all together, which is often possible since I'm aware of my body language. I wont wear make up or dress up any more than usual, I'll avoid touching him, sitting next to him to mimicking his actions. I'll make sure my feet point away from him, I will avoid touching my hair or licking my lips. I just try to be as neutral as possible, though it takes conscious effort. What I can't control are those the darn physiological experiences like the unexpected goosebumps or feeling warm
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on March 18, 2017:
Glad it is so helpful to you! I always like to hear that.
Riley on March 17, 2017:
This was the most helpful thing I've been on all the other people don't give all the information but you give all the info you have that is useful don't you
Mr.KingNiceGuy_23 on February 23, 2017:
There's this girl I always had my eyes on, shes in with a relationship with this guy however since we're both in abroad(far away from home), they're in a long distance relationship. Last week we just went out and went to the mall, watched a movie. The thing that makes me wonder and confuses me is that i see some of the signs mentioned. My question is we hold hands, i hugged her and i was kissing her cheeks and head and she didnt stopped me? I could tell shes not creeped out because the whole time she was laughing and having a good time with me. However these past few days she hasnt replied to my messages? What do you guys think, does she like me?
Merritt45 on January 28, 2017:
Yooooooo, I really hope most of this information is true for this girl, cause if so, there's no reason I shouldn't ask her out. She basically does everything on the good list!
The ultimate sign is that she never leaves you while in a relationship with her..She stays on January 14, 2017:
The ultimate sign is that she never leaves you while in a relationship with her..She stays
bailey27 on November 01, 2016:
Some of the stuff in here is completely opposite of how I act so I really hope you men don't take every little thing on here to heart. All women are different. I don't know why but I feel so uncomfortable taking guys coats. Also when walking, especially outside, I pretty much always have my arms crossed even when I'm with a guy I like.
Kenneth on August 08, 2016:
Lots of interesting information....
Yen on April 02, 2016:
It help me a lot thank you for this post.
karl wilhelm on March 22, 2016:
thanks for this information, she like me base on this.
JoeSceglio on October 26, 2015:
I love it! I feel it goes for both sex's this information, or maybe I've been raised by a pack of wolves that happen to be all female lol, but I've noticed a lot of these signs and I agree with it all (and context is huuuuuge!) many signs are misread.