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Signs She Doesn't Like You Through Texting

Updated on March 11, 2017
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Andrea loves to write on the zodiac, Myers Briggs, and texting. She is an expert on romance and relationships. She also has two cats.

The Art of Texting

When someone likes you, regardless of gender, they'll leave telling signs in their text messages. Most girls try to be friendly, of course, but if a girl’s friendliness seems excessive, and it seems as if she really wants to spend time with you, then she might have a pretty solid thing for you! However, if this enthusiasm is absent, then a girl might not think of you as much more than wallpaper. The number one key, as I will point out several times, is quantity of communication. If there is a lot of texting going back and forth between two parties, that’s a great sign.

The following is a list of fairly clear signs that a girl is not interested in you through her means of text communication. Not every person on the planet is into text messaging or is text-savvy. Some people honestly hate it, but on the whole, I think girls enjoy it more than boys. Women tend to use more words when communicating than men, so if she's talking a little more than you are, that's okay. It's pretty normal. If there’s a huge difference between how much each person is texting, however, that is not so good a sign. There needs to be some amount of dancing with words from both sides. Reciprocation means both people will be speaking as well as listening.

The following tips are divided into the categories Totally Not Interested, Friend Zone, and Booty Call. This will help you figure out if you're better off not contacting the girl at all, staying friends, or if she wants you for your body, but just doesn't want a relationship.

What are the best flirty text messages?

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Totally Not Interested

These are signs that the girl you're texting isn't interested in spending time with you, but might be too polite to say so directly. If these describe the texts you're receiving, I recommend you stop texting her entirely and move on.

  1. There is little to no response and also the communication isn't super enthused.
  2. She sends you a message to stop texting her... entirely, forever.
  3. She doesn't ask questions to keep the conversation rolling.
  4. She never invites you to see her in person or with friends.
  5. She doesn't know who you are when you text her.
  6. She never compliments you.
  7. She never initiates sending you a text.
  8. She does not respond back to you, or responds several days later.
  9. She always is too busy, doesn't have time for you, won't make time for you, never let you know WHEN she would be free. If she doesn't give you the when that is how you know she isn't putting any effort.
  10. She is too distracted by all the things she needs done in her life, therefore her texts messages are only shallow and she doesn't seem interested in dating right now, and probably not for awhile.
  11. Not only does she take ages to respond back to you, but her response isn't very charming but sounds like she's been rolling around in the grass, staring at a wall, or been in bed for ten days.
  12. She gives back negative texts saying you are being really weird, etc.
  13. She never calls, would never take a phone call from you, etc. If you've never met her in person, this could be dangerous.
  14. Her texts all sound fabricated, as if copy and pasted from the Internet, like a machine.
  15. She doesn't direct you to a different form of communication if texting isn't her cup of tea. A girl who likes you will find another means of communication.
  16. She does not give you her new phone number when she gets a new phone number.
  17. If she only texts you one-word responses.

If her response sounds like she's been staring at a wall for days, she probably isn't interested.
If her response sounds like she's been staring at a wall for days, she probably isn't interested.

Friend Zone

If the following list applies to your text messages, the girl probably likes you as a friend but just doesn't see you as anything more. You'd be better off staying friends but looking for love elsewhere. She might even have friends she could set you up with.

  1. She is already in a committed relationship. She probably won't want to flirt on the side unless she doesn't care about her relationship.
  2. She never sends a text message randomly that's intended to be fun, funny, flirty, or happy. She only texts for business or school-related assignments.
  3. She inquires more about one of your friends than you.
  4. You probably won't witness this, but a lot of girls, if they like someone, will give them a different ring tone or text tone to separate it from the rest of the herd.
  5. She tries to set you up with one of her friends.
  6. She only texts you group texts to invite you to parties.
  7. She clearly is on her phone all the time and still hardly texts you.
  8. She avoids being cutesy such as emoticons, iPhone images, exclamation marks!
  9. She only texts you to get rides across town.
  10. She never texts to see anything about you, she's only interested in blabbing about herself.
  11. She isn't charming to you in person at all, only through text.
  12. She has no manners in her texting skills.
  13. She doesn't care to check her grammar, spelling, punctuation, or any of that stuff. She is by no means trying to impress you.
  14. If in a group situation, if you texted her she may end up having someone else call you to coordinate.
  15. When a girl likes someone, she will divulge a lot of information because she is excited. If you are only getting texts with a handful of words, that is not a good sign. If she sends you a novel, no matter the content, she obviously has some amount of feelings.
  16. She only uses texts messages to complain.
  17. She can literally not be bothered or encouraged to send happy, positive exchange.

If she seems drunk, you might just be a booty call.
If she seems drunk, you might just be a booty call.

Booty Call

If these signs ring true, the girl is probably attracted to you and wants to hook up, but isn't looking for a relationship. If you think you can keep it casual, go for it! But if you want a real relationship, that could be bad news, and you might want to back off before you get hurt.

  1. She only texts you when she is drunk.
  2. She only texts late at night, just the same for men.
  3. She doesn't send random texts to check up on you, to see how you did on a test, to see if you got the job promotion, to see if you are free, to see if you like hanging out with her, etc.
  4. She texts more as a booty call, which is probably done to more than one person.
  5. All conversations with her are short, maybe two to three exchanges, with a handful of words.
  6. She never sends random pictures, videos, links, etc.
  7. She never texts you about anything important in her life.
  8. Her texts have no fluff.
  9. She never texts you about things she likes whether unicorns, movies, the color blue, her favorite band, etc.
  10. She gives little to no response if you tell her exciting or upsetting news.
  11. She never sends a happy holiday anything text.
  12. If she never sends a text to try to get a laugh out of you.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, try not to analyze so much. When you know something clicks, it clicks and there should be a consistency to it. Try not to put so much expectation on these things and blow them out of proportion. Just relax, don't be too nosy, and don't be too pushy. There's a certain flow to text messages, almost like dancing, that makes them feel happy instead of painful. Consider at all costs whether you are sending painful, awkward messages, or inviting fun ones. Life is too short to send crappy text messages. If you project positivity, you are more likely to have it come back to you.

Never whine to someone if they don't text the way you want. Ease them into what you would like and keep your manners at all times. Just because someone is frankly an idiot about texting, doesn't mean that you have to be. Be polite, have good manners, be charming, and you are more than likely to catch someone. You know that being a bachelor can only keep its appeal for so long, so learn the art of being a decent person, and how to be a decent texter. There's only so many good texters out there in the world, so good luck to finding your match.

So, What Do You Think?

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© 2014 Andrea Lawrence

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    • profile image

      Tom 2 years ago

      After checking all of this points, I'm missing only 1 and 4 from her. We've been talking from more than one week. This can be an indicator? Or I'll be fine, it just matter of time?

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 years ago from Chicago

      A week isn't very long. You should give it time.

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      Stephen 2 years ago

      Me and the girl I was seeing had to stop seeing each other because she was moving away soon after that she spent all day sporadically answering messages or just ignoring them but that same day she commented on all my fb photos... she seems to blow hot and cold??? I have no idea what's going on. she has since said that she misses me that she hates no being around me and that she cares about me so much but when we text its not the same tbf I'm a bit blunt cos I am a bit confused.. but why say you miss me and that you want to be around me then ignore me?

    • profile image

      Joe 2 years ago

      My issue, I message a girl fairly well though out messages just to get back a "haha" or some cheap response. I would rather she just come straight out and say "Hey, lets just be friends" or "I think I want to take a break". I would appreciate that much more than some vague, ambiguous response that offers nothing to the conversation. Dating is an odd beast because often times you are not sure if you like someone until they spend more time with you, yet so many games are played in the beginning that someone has to be bat-shit crazy about the other person (and the other person has to be of the opinion of "WTF why not") for anything really to get off the ground.

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      koman 2 years ago

      I dated one girl I hugged her and kissed her she liked it but the next day when I text her she response after 3 or 5 hours

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      Farhan 2 years ago

      It is sad you know that I have texted her then she replied me like half an hour later or even 1 hour.I have been putting a lot of effort to try to to talk toher.She always says,"I am free" but then always went offline after I say or she say something.I think this conversation had to stop and I don't know why I am feeling sad..

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 2 years ago from Chicago

      Hang in there! Sometimes people really are busy, but it's good not to get too stuck on one person before you've gotten into a relationship.

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      Hayden Betteridge 22 months ago

      I have been chasing this girl for a year now and I dont understand. I have asked her out and she said yea, when the time came she said she was busy. Now everyone knows I like her and she is very populer and could probably date anyone in the school. Now everyone tells me she likes me but lately shes just been very quet towords me. I dont understand what I did wrong.

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      Andrea Lawrence 22 months ago from Chicago

      @hayden

      There could be a number of factors why she may be quiet. Don't necessarily panic! Sometimes people are just more quiet when they like someone. Continue engaging with her and if she refuses to respond -- that's probably a problem.

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      AJ 21 months ago

      Ok, so I went on a first date with this chick. We had to change plans last minute cause our plans of going putt putt and to a bar afterwards failed due to Labor Day. So we just chilled at my place and drank a little, and talked a lot with Netflix running in the background. Made a move, she accepted and then we just talked a lot more with mini make out sessions. Then I walked her out to her car and she gave me a kiss. Texted her saying I enjoyed the night and hope we do it again and seeing that she made it home all right. She replied. Tried to start a conversation the next day, nothing. So I waited a few days and called her and it rang until it went to voice mail. So I left a nice message saying I wanted to get to know her more and go on another date and it's been about a day since the call and nothing. Is this the part where I just give up?

    • profile image

      gdfgdgjfghgh 20 months ago

      Been talking to a girl for nearly 5 months now, we both said we care about each other. Time is apparently the problem, how true could this be?

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      Andrea Lawrence 20 months ago from Chicago

      @AJ

      Just focus on making a good healthy connection -- and whatever needs to fall in place will. But if you focus too much with the end game of a relationship, you might end up getting paranoid and wrecking whatever makes the most sense.

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      Danny 18 months ago

      Been texting this girl for a few months, she seems interested sometimes. Giving advise and asked about how things are going on, but most of the time she took so long to reply, giving a vague reply or even not replying (she replied most of the time and she did return missed calls all the time)

      Most of the time i am the one that initiated the text, she only did it once.

      We are in a different State and this is a big issue? Or simply she is not that interested?

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      Andrea Lawrence 18 months ago from Chicago

      @Danny

      Sounds like it's taking an alright course. If she's replying back that's more important than the scope of time in which she replies. She may be busy or preoccupied with other things. Calling back is definitely a plus as most people are becoming more and more text only. How far is the distance? Have you ever asked her how she feels about a long distance relationship? She may like you, but the distance could be an issue.

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      Danny 18 months ago

      Just a few days ago, i found out she is seeing this senior year guy. Seems like shes smitten by him, but she still does reply to texts sometimes.

      What is your take on this?

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      Andrea Lawrence 18 months ago from Chicago

      @Danny

      It doesn't sound good. She might be keeping contact with you in case something falls a part with the other guy, but none of that really sounds good. She might also see you as a friend, which is a good spot to be.

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      Marc 18 months ago

      I'm now committed to a girl which I just met in social media. We used to talk in within almost 4 months everyday. We shared important thing in our life and etc.. but, I'am very confused because 15 days before X-mas, she told me that she is very busy especially x-mas season, and until now we did not talk to each other as she is saying that always busy. Is this is that sign that I should give up on her., because she did not find time for me as I do.?

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      Andrea Lawrence 18 months ago from Chicago

      @Marc

      See what happens in January. December is a brutally busy month. If you push it too much right now, you could cause a break up.

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      Emile 17 months ago

      I'm texting this girl who I'm interested in but, whenever I text her she takes her time and when she replies it's just boring but, when I see her she'll say hi. idk if I'm being bothersome but if so what's the best to find out?

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      A HS Sophomore 16 months ago

      I am a sophomore and she is a freshmen and we text and snapchat quite a bit. She uses exclamation marks, question marks, and emojis a lot but I am usually the one to ask a question or text first so I can't tell if she likes me. Also she always says hi when I see her at school but she is quiet around me and sometimes I see her looking at me. Do you think she likes me?

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      Andrea Lawrence 16 months ago from Chicago

      @A HS Sophomore

      I think she likes you. She might be shy. Keep the conversation going. If she responds to you most of the time or always, that's a good sign. She could just be being polite, but sounds like she's nice. Keep talking to her consistently. Dating is a new field for high schoolers, so give her time and she'll come out of her shell.

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      breakfastpop 14 months ago

      Texting can be fun, but why not pick up the phone!

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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @breakfastpop

      Probably shouldn't until things have progressed a touch.

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      PrettyB 14 months ago

      Me and this girl have been snap chatting for at least 2 weeks straight. She come out of s relationship because her boyfriend cheated on her. I was concentrating on just being her friend but then I started to like the person she is and she's beautiful. She sends random pics of her face whether she has make up on or not. We snap each other throughout the day. Recently her ex wanted to beat me up for being friends with her and she told him to go away and that she can do what she likes. She's moved on but I don't wanna rush it. I just wanna know if I have a chance. She admitted she loves my company and she pops up as much as me. If she's busy she lets me know if she's gonna take long to reply or usually she replies straight away unless she's out or in school. I compliment her a lot. She don't really compliment me or boys in general so I'm not sure?

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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @PrettyB

      Sounds highly likely that there is some amount of interest. Keep the conversation going.

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      Ben D. 14 months ago

      In my case, there are several of the "totally not interested" signs when texting, but when we meet in person she is completely different, what gives? I mean, she usually initiate conversations and she would talk about anything just to start chatting, so while I don't think that means she's into me yet, I get the impression she's not completely uninterested.

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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @Ben D.

      You may want to ask her what are her thoughts on texting. Some people are not as interested in texting, but they like the person they are chatting with. It's most important how she is in person, and not in a group setting, but more personal. Sometimes people are also slow to warm up to texting a lot, especially in the beginning stages.

    • profile image

      Ben D. 14 months ago

      She seems to text pretty much every time she's idle though (at least during the time I see her) so that's what makes it odd to me, if she wasn't into texting or she didn't talk to me (or avoided me when I try to start a conversation) then I'd get the message loud and clear, but right now I'm not quite sure what she thinks about me.

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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @Ben D.

      She could be on the fence or not thinking about you romantically. Sounds like an early stage. Don't over analyze it and just keep putting positive energy on it.

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      tochukwuo 14 months ago

      So there's this girl who I am honestly trying to get to know and spend time with on a personal level outside class, but who seems to be giving me the impression that she is either extremely shy, or very scared of me. When I texted her to ask what her schedule was like today, or any time this week to see if we could possibly grab coffee from Starbucks together, she responded via text saying "Sorry, I won't really have time the rest of this semester". I responded to her text by saying "I certainly understand it's that busy time of the school year again, but don't you think you can set aside like 30 minutes after class or anytime this week?" Then she's like "Not really." I'm inclined to think she isn't interested because any girl who's clearly interested in a guy wouldn't mind creating time to meet face-to-face, regardless of a busy schedule. However, I am open to suggestions/thoughts on what you may think.

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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @tochukwuo

      It's possible that she is avoiding you, and it's also possible that she is busy. What you should be doing at this point is texting her to create conversation, see how that goes and try to create a strong connection. When she seems like she trusts you more and is more communicative... then try again to see if she is free. She might not have time to consider you right now, so don't put too much pressure on it. Also, you have her number. You must not be the worst then, and she at least responded to you.

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      B.K.A.S 14 months ago

      Hey man, so there's this girl that I recently got to know about a few weeks back, and she seems to be interested and we have pretty in-depth convos sometimes, and there was a time when we were walking home from school together and she asked me why I don't text her. I told her I assumed she had lots of guys texting her already, but she told me there was only one guy consistently texting her, and that I should text back sometime soon. Thing is, she keeps sending mixed signals, with the use of emojis in 3-4 messages in a row sometimes and then suddenly one message replies. I know for a fact that she friendzoned the other guy she talks to (2 year friendship btw) and their texts are SUPER flirty and she keeps saying their current relationship is "complicated" but also denies being together. I'm interested in her, but the signs she gives me are so mixed and its really killing me. She keeps hanging around me in school, but honestly that's about it

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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @B.K.A.S.

      Sounds like she is wanting you to take the lead. Try asking her to hang out one on one and see what happens. She might not know what she wants yet. But if you know what you want... put yourself out there. Sounds like the two of you are close enough that mentioning this shouldn't hurt anything.

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      Nids 13 months ago

      Hi there, I've known this woman for about 4 months. I have a crush on her a few months ago then last week I asked for her number and she gave it to me. So that day I took a few pictures of her and sent them to her mobile phone without saying anything. She didn't reply or text anything back to me at all. So I thought she didn't like me. Then a week later I sent her another message to ask for her suggestion about school stuffs and she replied me half an hour later and said would help me out and set a time to chat about it. So I wonder if any chance that she likes me or it is too early to tell? Thanks

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      Andrea Lawrence 13 months ago from Chicago

      @Nids

      Most likely too early to tell. Sounds like it is in the beginning stages. I'd keep being positive, make it fun, and make sure she is comfortable. You'll get further along this way.

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      Nids 13 months ago

      Thanks for my replied!

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      D-man 12 months ago

      I've never posted a question on a site like this before but this one girl is confusing the hell out of me. I'm not a kid (33) and neither is she (31).

      She tells me that she finds me attractive but is not ready to be in a relationship. She laughs and has a good time when we're together. She flicks her hair, locks her lips, and looks into my eyes with this look that seems fairly obvious. She sends me nude photos of herself both of her own free will and when I ask her.

      Her last relationship ended badly with the guy stalking her until she got a restraining order against him. Before that she had a relationship with a guy for 10 years. That relationship ended with the guy in prison after he kicked in her door, assaulted her, and then stole her purse and car.

      So I get it. She's had a rough go, but that seems to be the type of guy that she is attracted to and that certainly isn't me. I mean, I'm a geological research scientist for god's sake. Now that's GEOLOGICAL research scientist not physics, chemistry, or biology. So I'm not that type of scientist you're probably picturing. I can be rough and most people would describe me as very aggressive, but I'm not a degenerate like the guys she's always dated before.

      She is close friends with many members of the Outlaws and Black Pistons MC's. Recently there was a week when she was totally free and clear of any obligations. We had many plans for that week. But right as the week started a "member" from out of town showed up at her place. He stayed there for the week and she cancelled all of our plans.

      I was obviously pissed clean off by this so she explained that "most guys find him intimidating" and that "she didn't want to put me in any danger". I explained that I couldn't care less about who he is and that I just wanted to spend time with her but I never saw her that week once.

      She assured me that nothing happened between them, but even if that's true it doesn't fix the situation, right?

      So 2 weeks ago I sent her a text that saying that I wanted an answer right then and there. Does she want to be in a committed relationship with me or not. I told her this was the curtain call and her final answer.

      She said she needed more time to heal so I said ok. 2 days later I entered into a relationship with one of the other girls looking for my attention.

      That night she texted me saying that she's coming out of the dark now and ready to date guys again. She said she has a date with this guy. I said "that's fantastic. I hope he makes you happy, you deserve that."

      I don't think that's what she wanted to hear because she started back peddling out of it. Saying it wasn't really a date and she isn't really interested in that guy at all.

      When I try to talk to her she just stonewalls me. Saying things like "I have a lot to say about that topic" but she's always too "busy" to just talk about it then and there.

      I waited by patiently for 5 whole months for her to be ready but we made no progress whatsoever. As a matter of fact I'd say we went backwards for the last 3 or so.

      She sends me things like Mike Posner's music video "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" which is a very depressing song about a guy who messed himself up for years. But he can't break out of the cycle that he hates because he no longer knows who to trust and therefore will be alone.

      But here's the kicker. One night, many weeks ago, she sent me a picture of her in 3 different outfits and asked which one I thought looked best on her. I told her which one I liked and asked if I could come over to take it off of her. She said that she couldn't because her sister was over. I pursued, I'm a guy, what can I say? But she was completely silent.

      About an hour later I got a text back saying that she was driving to work. But her work is only half an hour away and it was not at an appropriate time for a shift change at the hospital but I didn't pay much attention to that yet.

      So I went over to my brothers for some gaming. On my way home I figured I'd drop her off a coffee since it was an overnight shift. When I got to the hospital I was informed that she did not work that night.

      Then thinking back on it I realized that the timing was all off for her shift. Plus she would have told me that I can't come over because she has to work, not because her sister was over. It just made no sense.

      Then I thought about the advice on her outfit and I couldn't escape the real possibility that she had got me to weigh in on the outfit she wore to date another guy. Needless to say I started seeing red right about now.

      She texted me later that night, around 4am, and I made it quite clear that I knew something was up. Right off the bat I asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She said "no, I was at work". So I said "Oh you were at work tonight?" even though she had already told me that. I asked a paraphrased version of that 3 more times in that same conversation saying "Work? Oh you were working tonight?", "oh, I didn't know you were at work", and "oh, my bad. I didn't realize you were at work today". Each separated by several text messages.

      The next day I just straight up confronted her about it. I told her I knew she wasn't at work so why was she lying to me.

      She latched onto the "I know you weren't at work" part rather than the fact that she was lying. She started getting mad at me asking who I had in the hospital spying on her. Which yet again does not make sense. The natural progression would be to affirm her innocence THEN to try and uncover the source. She never once said what you, I, or anyone else would say, "What? That's ridiculous! I was there." Nope, just "Who do you have spying on me?"

      But now that I'm in this new relationship she seems to be jealous.

      Tell me, if you know. Did I jump the gun here? Am I misinterpreting things from her? Is there another explanation as to that night that seems to be such a blatant lie to me?

      Not that it will change my path mind you. The girl I have now is absolutely perfect. I'm just curious if I could have been so wrong because I don't like being wrong.

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      Andrea Lawrence 12 months ago from Chicago

      Thank you so much for your feedback! I hope I can help you and offer some perspective.

      I would agree with you and say focus on the new girl and not waste time on the old one. I don't think things would work out there. At all.

      As to whether you were wrong.... there's no real way of knowing. And when it comes to relationships, you want to avoid thinking too much in right or wrong terms -- that can get you to think too narrow minded and end up losing a relationship. Sometimes people are both right... sometimes they are both wrong. The problem more so is miscommunication. You want to communicate well and without lying. You also want to understand people's intentions and build a healthy amount of trust. But getting more so as to what you want -- what was happening that night for her, what her intentions were, or what she could have been doing... is all up in the air. I wouldn't play investigator too much in a relationship. It can end up causing you to play the wrong cards and get paranoid. I would say she teased you with her outfits for sure, but for what reason and what she was actually doing -- who knows.

      BUT if you are with someone new who puts you at ease and things are going in a more calm direction, then that is good. It seems like the other girl attracts a lot of negative attention. Also, don't go looking for trouble with this old girl -- if you have someone new and you're exclusive, muddying up the waters can really end up to bite you back, whether karma or feelings. I hope this is helpful. I would say odds are the old girl was up to some kind of mischief, considering the background. I would put it out of sight out of mind so as not to distract you. Feel free to reach out to me!

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      Raj12-12 9 months ago

      so i like a girl in office, we started to talk with each other through fb messenger than on what's app and everything was going well one day i told her that i like her and she replied we don't know each other well which is true , so i continue to be her friend bt i already expressed her what i feel for her , on valentine's day i proposed her and she neither says yes or no ,she just smiled and said i don't believe you ,so i told her i can wait as long as you want. now one day she found that i was talking with one girl (good friend of mine),now from this day she started to behave rude with me that i lied to her ,i explained her that it is her assumptions i'm not looking for another girl .i have a feeling only for you ,but she don't want to talk with me now ,we are in same office now she ignores me for each and everything , i called her several times and most of the time i got busy tunes. texted her for apology and to forget everything but she refused .what should i do now?

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      Andrea Lawrence 9 months ago from Chicago

      You should do nothing. She is obviously very upset and feels betrayed, even if it doesn't make sense. She may have thought you had genuine interest and needed time before she caught up, but then she felt like something happened and you were not as genuine as she thought. She is trying to put distance on it. You should give her as much space as possible for awhile. Months.

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      Cole 7 months ago

      So I have been hitting off with a girl and things are going good and I tell her on day I would like kids not knowing she can not have them so she tells me it this won't work I then ask her if she wants to see me she says she doesn't I give she says I want something she can't give me and I I'll end up resenting her for it high I told her I truly would rather have a good woman that wants me I am 31 I am at a point in life where I can go with out kids and I tell her this and then she tells me she will meet me for dinner here soon that I am a good guy and she thinks dating would be fun but there might not be a future because I have wants she cant give me. She still text me just not as much I asked her if she is shutting me out she said no that she is just busy. She has not told me to leave her alone either now I want to be with her I just don't know how to deal with this or what my next move is how do I win over the heart of this woman

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      Conan 7 months ago

      So i dated this girl a little while vack in the summer she moved i moved a hour away ... She text lot then nothing for a month and all of sudden she text saying how much ahe misses me... Im so confused i believe im friendzoned but she is highly confusing really busy then not amd theb doesnt message for a week then spams and then doesnt message for a month then goes on how much she missea me

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      Andrea Lawrence 7 months ago from Chicago

      Are you initiating any of these conversations? She may be wanting you to take the lead on this. It weirds women out more when guys are not initiating conversations.

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      Andrea Lawrence 7 months ago from Chicago

      I can understand that if she feels like she can't give you children, that this won't be going anywhere. If she is willing to talk, you should let her know how much she means to you and that children isn't all you want. Also, there's adoption, if she's interested in that -- but that's not the real thing you should be focusing on. Let her know you didn't mean to make her feel less than the wonderful person she is. I don't know how sensitive this issue is for her if she can't have children. It may mean a lot to her. She may have had someone in her past leave her for this reason.

      I think you'll want to come off as a positive person, someone that she knows she can have fun with, and knows won't suddenly leave or breakup with her. She may have saw this as a big red flag and had to cut her loses before she got into it too deep.

      I wish you the best of luck! As for how busy she is and if that is real -- as long as people keep talking, I can imagine they really are busy. If she is willing to make time for you, that is a plus. It's easy to get windswept being busy.

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      andrewmm1989 7 months ago

      Been texting with this girl for all most two months. She msgs early in the morning late at night always sends me hearts and kisses but still not sure what to think because she's vague about everything. Some days super flirty and other days seems uninterested completely. Just wondering if I should just leave things be the way they are and see what happens?

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      Andrea Lawrence 7 months ago from Chicago

      It sounds like she is interested. Don't base too much on texting. Have you guys met in person? In person communication is the most important. Most people have busy schedules so they can't be texting at every and any second of the day. I say you should keep communicating with her and see where it goes. She might not be 100% sure about you yet, but you can definitely help things if you communicate outside of texting, if you have that chance. It helps if you initiate more than her; most girls prefer that and it makes more sense to them.

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      Jack 5 months ago

      Somehow I find myself in a mixture of "she's totally not interested" and "booty call". how is that possible? friends with benefits maybe?

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      Andrea Lawrence 5 months ago from Chicago

      Listen to your gut. If you think you are a booty call, you probably are.

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      Scars1989 4 months ago

      Here is the short version

      I like her I started out playful text teasing her right from the first texting day she sent me a picture of her to show off how long her hair is when not up ( we work together)

      She does not shy away from conversation how ever she never text me on her own except once when she wanted to know if I was working

      She even agreed to go with me out off town two weeks from now when I ask this weekend

      Every vibe I'm getting is saying your a nice guy but not my kinda guy this also has only been about 3 weeks or so

      But I'm often terrible at interpreting these things ... probly why I've been single for a decade

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      Enjoy her company. There's no telling what will happen. Be confident, be happy, and seem like you have a nice vibe. Women like to be around positive people. Don't worry so much. Focus on your smile, focus on making her feel at ease.

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      Dan 3 months ago

      Hello, I like this girl we go to the same school but we haven't really met in person every time I try to talk to her she's with her friends and when I'm walking home I saw a girl that looks just like her so I messaged her asking if she lived on the same street as me and she told me that was indeed her. We've been talking since the 10th of march. We have a lot in common we both like The walking dead sports and similar music interests. When I talked to her for the first time she was friendly and seemed to really care about her grammar. I told her that I saw her in one of my classes and how I was going to say hi the next time I saw her in person. She told me that she wanted to see Logan which was a movie I saw during the march break but she hasn't seen it. I really wanted to ask her if she wanted to see the movie together but I figured it would've been too awkward to go to a movie with someone you haven't seen in person. I'm not really sure what to do I'm really interested in her and getting to know her further but I don't see her around school much anymore. I also noticed she doesn't use emoji's what so ever is that normal? she doesn't text me first I'm not really surprised since we've never met face to face but she does respond to me fairly quick and she says hi with extra i's like hii and she says lol and lmao a lot is this a good sign? I also don't know how to tell her how I feel about her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Keep chatting with her. She sounds nice. It is okay if people don't use emojis. You should meet her for coffee or brunch one day, say you would like to meet in person, if that's okay with her. Don't put too much pressure on it, and she'll probably be glad you offered to meet in person.

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      Tnaples 2 months ago

      Probably reading into this too much.

      But I like a girl at work, and chatted to her a few times in passing and got the vibe she like me. One night when I was out I bumped into her boss (who's on the same managerial level as me, I m a few years older and more senior than her at work) and she randomly told me the girl liked me. So the following week I messaged her on the work system, ask her out and got her number. Since then we've been texting back and forth in quite a positive way, she's really slow to responses (1 or 2 days sometimes), but gets back most of the time. I asked her out a few times but for various reason we couldn't find a time to meet up ( I was away and unfortunately her gran passed away). Even though I'd love to chat to her face to face as real contact is always best, unfortunately we haven't crossed paths. we've cought each other's glance and exchanged a little smile once or twice, but that's it. Anyway it's been over a month now since the initial interaction and a few weeks since her gran passed, I feel like the texting is running a little dry. So started texting a bit shorter and more direct about meeting up, we where meant to go for a drink last Friday, but she suddenly cancelled last minute with no explanation and ask to rearrange. I said that was fine and left it at that. I message her Monday saying hey how's your week looking? I also said it was a shame we didn't cross paths more often as it was nice catching a glimpse of her at work....and would be great to have s real conversation : )

      It's been 2 days and she hasn't got back to me. I m a being to pushy, did the moment pass, was that comment about catching a glimpse of her at work too much and scared her off? Or is she just being shy and playing the game a bit?

      I don't won't to be rude or pushy, but I pretty sure that if we just hang out in person we would get on great and there would be something to build on.

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      My first thought is that since you work together, it's okay if things are slowed down. You have more chances to grow this thing out than if you were trying to connect with her online. So you don't need to panic at all really. There's a lot of unknown parts about this at this point since it is all new. What you do need to do is focus on creating a positive connection. Instead of pushing forward dating so much, try creating a friendly, positive presence so that you can have more to work with here. Do text her, keep it fun and friendly. I'm not saying friendzone, but just keep things a little more simple here. Keep a witty banter, be funny, be nice. When the timing is right, ask her to go get coffee or brunch. She needs a little more prepping before you go out, and maybe her schedule is a mess right now. I have had a poor schedule before when someone was interested in me and all that was really needed was patience on their side. Patience is your answer.

      Keep inviting her to different things. You have something here that you can develop -- and put little tokens of kind things toward her -- consider it like a bank. I think there is potential here, in all honesty. She might have gotten a little scared and you might have pushed more than she was ready to accept... but again, you work with her. So you can have many, many takes on how you present yourself to her. Just so you know, the most successful relationships start at workplaces. Not bars, not Tinder, not church. Literally, right where you work is the best place to be to find love. So..... you are in good shape, and I want to encourage you. Be a gentleman, show interest, play your cards well.

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      Tnaples 2 months ago

      Thanks Andrea,

      I think you where mainly right. She did get back to but said she felt uncomfortable, because we worked in the same office, that she was new and didnt usually date people at work. She also said i should come chat to her more next time i m in her department. i m very aware of not to getting friend zoned.

      I get the feeling being new and not really knowing me, she doesnt want to jump into dating work people. incase it i didnt work out, and doesn't want to mess her work situation up. i feel the best thing i can do is just keep being a gentleman, and like you said patient. As we get know each other better and she feels more comfortable with the hole thing, maybe something will happen. I m usually pretty good with these things and have dated a lot of girls, the only reason i m chasing is that when were person to person chatting i get a really good vibe, and can tell her too and those things don't come around that often...my intuition is usualy quite good with these things.... Hopefully i m not being blind and she's just not interested? thanks

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      This sounds like a reasonable plan. It can be hard to immediately starting dating from work, especially when new. You don't want to mess up your work situation, and you don't all the other people yet, or the social dynamics. It's best to start a positive rapport with her first. The more she can trust you, the less she'll work about it being an office romance.

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      JC 2 months ago

      I've been talking to this lady for about two weeks. We have been friends but we hardly talked until recently. I start the conversations whenever I feel the urge to (not all the time) and she tends to reply quick within a 4 hour time frame. She seems extremely willing to try new things she's never done before with me.. like fishing or hiking. She uses exclamation points and does send emojis a blushing smiley, laughing, wink, smiley.. Also she never just says thank ou when I give her compliments. She's pretty nice but I can't tell what's going on. I am taking my time with this any tips?

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      Morabit 2 months ago

      Well Andrea, at the moment I'm really in the dark here. Especially when I read these kind of 'signs she .....'-articles.

      I've met a girl a few months ago. Everything went quite smooth, especially when we saw each-other in real life (since I have a kid from an earlier relationship already, let's say every two weeks).

      It actually went so good I stayed over at night a few times.

      Very nice, kuddly, lots of talking and so on....

      Since the beginning, texting frequencies were rather low. Let's say we talked to each-other every two or three days.

      Most of the time I initiated the messages and she quickly replied with short, happy, responces.

      You know, with some smileys, a twich and so on.

      All fun and games, but it's getting to me.

      Especially, because I think (and maybe that's just paranoia), If I'm not sending anything, I don't get anything.

      Or let's say, I don't dare to wait more then 4 days.

      On the onther hand, if I do sent something (and I'm not the type of guy that bombards girls with messages), she answers (still quick, and still with some smileys).

      As you can see, our texting is nothing like the signs given in the peace above.

      Now I'm wondering: should I be worried? Or is this just a not texting type of girl?

      Do I leave her alone and see what happens? or do I just keep sending here, rather playfull messages, every two or three days?

      Hate it!

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      JCJ3 2 months ago

      Hello. I have a question.

      I have been "friends" with this lady for a couple years but we really never talked a lot. Until recently we have been talking quite often. She never starts convos in the one who takes that role which I totally don't mind. I don't message her all the time just when I get an urge to text her. She usually responds pretty quick, she's a really nice person with get goals and things she wants to do in life. However I'm alittle confused, like most guys including me we always don't understand if ladies are flirting back or is she's been nice to me. We have been flirting back and forth including a lot of emojis and extra exclamation points. Any tips on what's going on and what to do next?? I give ideas on dates and things to do together and she hasnt said no to them.. she seems really eager to learn new things with me.

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      It sounds like you are in a positive situation. Do you try to do things outside of your comfort zone with her? You mentioned she'll try fishing and hiking with you, what kind of interests does she have? Sometimes it is easier for women to follow the interests of men, and then men don't necessarily look into the woman's world. I think considering this, and trying something she enjoys could help forward the relationship here. It sounds to me like she is interested if she's using positive text messaging methods, like exclamation points and emojis. And if it's only been two weeks, then I would say this is all really positive. She might not even have tried going fishing or hiking with you yet! Yeah, I think you just need to keep putting positive energy on this, think about her needs, and don't worry too much about how quickly people respond to you. Consistency is more important than how quickly they respond to you. Time and time again, I have found that consistency is the underlying factor in these things. Some people's text message methods are slower or not as intense as other people's. People have different texting methods, but it's not near as important as what happens in person.

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      Your texting habits together are quite normal and positive. Women often like men to initiate, even when it comes to texting. This is their way of knowing if you are really interested and are going to stay consistent and really stick. Men tend to talk to several women at once, so women tend to think you're not being very serious till after some time of being consistent. That's part of the thought process. You have a problem not when she doesn't initiate, but when she doesn't respond. If she is making a point to respond to you, then she has some amount of interest. You can play the game to see if you go a week or so cold and if she'll respond on her own -- but some women, I have found, have stronger self-control, and would take longer than you expect to get back to you. So... I think more than anything, you shouldn't worry about whether she is initiating. You can tell her you like when she initiates text messages at a time when she does, and that might give her the hint that you would like that. But essentially she is allowing you to take some control and direction to the relationship. Nothing in your message to me shows that she is sending you anything negative. So you are in a good spot.

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      Keep putting positive energy on this. I'm not sure I have enough information here to know what is happening. Women often don't initiate in texting. If she makes a point to respond to you, then you are in a good spot. Spend more time with her in person and see if you can get a better vibe. It sounds like you guys need to spend time in person, if possible.

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      Thomas 2 months ago

      I met a girl in Vegas 3 years ago we kept in touch throughout the years until the end. She got a bf and he of course was a jealous guy and made her delete multiple numbers and accounts. Fast forward to now (3years later) she randomly text me and asked if I remember her. I of course did, and she invited me back to vegas for her bday. I met up asked her if she was seeing anyone she said no, we made out and before you know it the weekend was over. She's back in her county (Canada) and I'm back in California. She began to text me right after vegas telling me things about her life and how she missed me etc. A few days later I barely get a text back or it's short and she will stop replying randomly. Hours go by and she will send me a Snapchat. I try to initiate the convo but every time it falls in the same texting pattern. I gave in and told her I missed her. She said she did too and if she could fly to me tomorrow she would. I keep getting mixed signals I'm not sure if I should pursue her or leave it alone. We can still be friends but I just don't want to put myself out there wasting her time or mine. What are your thoughts? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      It sounds like she is initiating a lot -- I mean, inviting you to see her? I think you should pursue this. I think you have enough of a green light. Sounds like she wishes she could be with you. It is a massive hurdle when you have the much long distance. Is there anywhere either of you could fix that? All you have right now is your conversations, so put as much positivity on that. Try changing it up. Call each other, video chat, sends gifts. You both clearly like each other.

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      Zane 2 months ago

      Hi,I met this girl on a dating site and we hit it off straight away.

      We talked day and night and she said that she loves talking to me.

      Anyway we decided to meet up and I stayed at her house (on the sofa) because we'd been out for a drink.

      Before she went to bed she told me she liked me but doesn't kiss on a first date and if she didn't like me I wouldn't of been staying over.

      The thing is after that date the messages didn't flow like they had before.

      I told her if she wasn't into me anymore to just be straight with me,she told me I was over thinking.

      She used to send me pictures of herself trying outfits on and of her after a work out etc but that sort of thing has stopped.

      Am I over thinking?or has she genuinely gone off me?

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      You may be over thinking. Have you only gone on one date? You need to think more about how you can interact more in person and less in text. If you like when she sends you pictures, let her know you like that. Keep sending positivity her way. That's the key. You'll want to send her messages to brighten her day. If you are sending her insecure messages, that won't be in your favor. Sometimes take a break from texting, refresh your mind, and then jump back in with something whimsical that will catch her attention. When you feel comfortable, try for another date.

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      Zane 2 months ago

      Yes,we've only been on 1 date.

      Its just confusing how so much changed since it though.

      2 weeks prior to it we were messaging and talking on the phone and she was saying how much she likes me.

      But I don't get that vibe from her anymore.

      I've given her 2 chances to be straight with me,even saying if she doesn't feel anything for me then delete my number.

      I know that's a pathetic thing to do,I just wanted to know for sure.

      She didn't delete me and just said she'd had a heavy weekend (she'd been away for a girls weekend)and then she had come back to a ton of work.

      Even as I'm writing this I'm realizing how I must be coming across to her but I just miss our chats.

      I'll take your advice and only text her positive things.

      Thank you.

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      Zane 2 months ago

      Hi,I tried the being positive approach and to be honest it had its upside but also a downside.So eventually I acted like I didn't really care and made light of her workload and gave her a friendly dig about her lack of responses to messages.So far so good as her messages have become more frequent and lengthy like before.All it shows me is the "treat them mean,keep them keen" technique works better than trying to be nice :/

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      hailey 8 weeks ago

      My cute boss texted on my day off. Nice but not necessary. I was doing my job. Got an effusive thank you. Flirt or nice?

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      Andrea Lawrence 8 weeks ago from Chicago

      That approach isn't a wise one. Could backfire on you.

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      Andrea Lawrence 8 weeks ago from Chicago

      Probably just being nice. Unless there is more context to this.

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      Thomas 8 weeks ago

      Andrea, I went out on a the vibe I got when she invited me to see her and applied for a passport a week ago. I casually told her I had applied and I would get the passport in about 3 weeks (I expedited it). She told me that she would look at her day planner for what week would be good for her so she could make time for when I fly out. I said find out and we can go from there and we stopped messaging.

      I sent her a snap from today from Disney and mentioned the time would have been perfect if she was there. She replied, "K that rollercoaster looks awesome"

      She completely ignored what I said.

      I have to be honest and say I was a bit confused. She doesn't seem excited I'm making an effort trying to see her or that I take the time of day to message her or send her a Snapchat message. I get that you can't see how someone acts though message but you can definitely feel when someone is just not into the conversation. Seems a bit forced. I feel like I'm not getting any positive responses and I felt like I put myself out there and there's nothing in return. Is it safe to say I should walk away from this lost cause?

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      uilliam 5 weeks ago

      just a random read that I thought might be of interest. it was, educational too. (never cared for texting at all in the past 10 years) never figured women "need" what they had lived without and did NOT need for the entirety of time until now.

      anyway, most noted thing... andrea wrote an article 2 years ago and answered still a little over 2 weeks ago as well as the whole period in between. 2 thumbs up sir.

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 weeks ago from Chicago

      I try my best to stay up with the comments, even when the hubs start to age a little here and there. Thanks for noticing!

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      Josh 3 weeks ago

      So the short version I recently came out from a bad break-up, which is got myself very implicated and really took a toll on me interpreting things. Now 2months after the break-up I have moved on and started talking to this girl for couple of months now, I decided that I will take it very slow this time around as I don't want to get burned again. The conversation for me isnt that deep as I think it should have been and she does take quite a while to respond where I am also always the one that initiate the conversation. She sends mix signals through her snapchat with asking me if that top looks good on her and some photo of her without any makeups on, I kinda told her already of my story 'bad break-up' she also told me she been in one last year but is taking it very slow.

      I asked her out like a week ago for a first date over dinner this coming saturday and she said yes, took it as a good sign. I kept the conversation going, message her in the morning before I start work it would be like have an enjoyable day and be amazing. I don't want to sound to shallow, but yesterday I message her and told her I am already having good impression of her, she received and saw the message but didnt reply (she did tell me she is busy with a report she had to finish for her work). I dunno I am rushing things or I should keep texting her and also see how it goes at dinner.

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      Dylan 2 weeks ago

      My issue is once I meet someone and speak to them a few times I'm not sure what to do after the few hours of no response. This may sound weird but I leave it be and then the next day comes and I'm not sure if sending the text will sound weird creepy or needy. I hear if they don't text back they're not into you but I also hear that if it's the 1st day or so then it's nothing unusual but then I end up not knowing if I should continue to text or not and then the chances are gone. Please help.

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