I'm a Midwesterner with a background in writing and media. My articles are mainly about relationships, dating, and heartbreak.
The Art of Texting
When someone likes you, regardless of gender, they'll leave telling signs in their text messages. Most girls try to be friendly, of course, but if a girl’s friendliness seems excessive, and it seems as if she really wants to spend time with you, then she might have a pretty solid thing for you! However, if this enthusiasm is absent, then a girl might not think of you as much more than wallpaper. The number one key, as I will point out several times, is the quantity of communication. If there is a lot of texting going back and forth between two parties, that’s a great sign.
The following is a list of fairly clear signs that a girl isn't interested in you through her text messages. Keep in mind: some people don't like texting or are bad at it.
Reciprocity Is Key
Women tend to use more words when communicating than men, so if she's talking a little more than you are, that's okay. It's pretty normal. If there’s a huge difference between how much each person is texting, however, that is not a good sign. There needs to be a somewhat balanced exchange of words and interactions. Reciprocity means both people will be speaking as well as listening.
The following tips are divided into three categories:
- Totally Not Interested
- Friend Zone
- Booty Call
This will help you figure out if you're better off not contacting the girl at all, staying friends, or if she only wants you for your body.
30 Signs She's Totally Not Interested
These are signs that the girl you're texting isn't interested in spending time with you, but might be too polite to say so directly. If these describe the texts you're receiving, I recommend you stop texting her entirely and move on.
- There is little to no response and also the communication is boring. (It reads like you're texting your great aunt.)
- She sends you a message to stop texting her . . . entirely, forever.
- She doesn't ask questions to keep the conversation rolling.
- She never invites you to see her in person or with friends.
- She doesn't know who you are when you text her.
- She never compliments you.
- She never initiates. You always text her first.
- She doesn't respond to you or responds several days later.
- She is always too busy, doesn't have time for you, won't make time for you, and never lets you know when she will be free. She's not giving you the time of day.
- She is too distracted by all the things she needs to get done in her life, therefore her text messages come off as brief, hurried, or flaky.
- Not only does she take ages to respond back to you, but her response isn't very charming. It sounds like she's been rolling around in the grass, staring at a wall, or been in bed for ten days.
- She gives back negative texts saying you are being really weird, creepy, etc.
- She never calls, would never take a phone call from you, etc. If you've never met her in person, this could be dangerous.
- Her texts all sound fabricated, as if copied and pasted from the Internet, like a machine. Are you talking to a bot?
- She doesn't direct you to a different form of communication if texting isn't her cup of tea. A girl who likes you will find a way to chat with you.
- She doesn't give you her new phone number when she gets a new phone number.
- If she only texts you one-word responses.
- Your messages get blocked.
- If she does agree to meet up with you, she always cancels.
- She sends you eye-rolling emojis, GIFS, and other content to show disinterest.
- Only gives one-word responses.
- Texts you back in a way that indicates she thinks you're someone else.
- She asks if you're spam.
- There is nothing funny or witty about her texts. She seems annoyed.
- If you stopped texting her, she would never respond to you again.
- She doesn't tell you anything about her day or life.
- You're blocked out of all her social media after she doesn't respond to any of your texts or phone calls.
- She makes a TikTok video or other media talking about the creepy person who keeps messaging her.
- You receive a restraining order from police to stay away from her. (Yikes!)
- She informs you that she is in a relationship and is taken. She is making it clear that she isn't interested or available.
30 Signs You're in the Friend Zone
If the following list applies to your text messages, the girl probably likes you as a friend. You'd be better off staying friends and looking for love elsewhere. She might even have friends she could set you up with.
- She is already in a committed relationship. She probably won't want to flirt on the side unless she doesn't care about her relationship.
- She never sends a text message randomly that's intended to be fun, funny, flirty, or even remotely happy. She only texts for business or school-related matters.
- She inquires more about one of your friends than you. (She likes your friend.)
- You probably won't witness this, but a lot of girls, if they like someone, will give them a different ringtone or text tone to separate it from the rest of the herd.
- She tries to set you up with one of her friends.
- She only texts you in a group text.
- She only invites you to things within a group setting.
- She clearly is on her phone all the time and still hardly texts you.
- She avoids being cutesy, such as sending photos or using lots of emojis and exclamation marks!
- She only texts you to get rides across town.
- She never texts to inquire about how you're doing. She's only interested in blabbing about herself and her drama.
- She isn't charming to you in person at all, only through text.
- She has no manners in her texting skills.
- She doesn't care to check her grammar, spelling, punctuation, or any of that stuff. She is by no means trying to impress you.
- If in a group situation, if you texted her she may end up having someone else call you to coordinate.
- When a girl likes someone, she will divulge a lot of information because she is excited. If you are only getting texts with a handful of words, that is not a good sign. If she sends you a novel, no matter the content, she obviously has some amount of feelings or interest.
- She only uses text messages to complain. (She complains about everything.)
- Her messages come off stiff.
- She doesn't try to hang out with you one on one.
- If your messages start to come off flirty, she asks you to cut it out.
- If you drop flirty hints, she doesn't play off them.
- She treats you like you're one of the girls or one of her gang.
- You message each other on an inconsistent basis.
- It's apparent that she spends a lot more time talking to someone else.
- She keeps talking about her crushes.
- If you made some kind of move through text, she might respond that it was awkward or embarrassed her.
- She isn't sexually attracted to your gender. Don't expect that to change. This should come up naturally, maybe in text or in person. You don't want to flat-out ask her about her sexual orientation unless you've got context clues that it won't make her feel put on the spot.
- She is focused on school or work and makes it clear that she doesn't have time for a relationship or love. All of her texts are about school or work.
- She doesn't text you late at night.
- She doesn't randomly compliment you.
30 Signs You're Just a Booty Call
If these signs ring true, the girl is probably attracted to you and wants to hook up, but isn't looking for a relationship. If you think you can keep it casual, go for it! But if you want a real relationship, that could be bad news, and you might want to back off before you get hurt.
- She only texts you when she is drunk.
- She only texts late at night, just the same for men.
- She doesn't send random texts to check up on you, to see how you did on a test, to see if you got the job promotion, to see if you are free, to see if you like hanging out with her, etc.
- She texts more as a booty call, which is probably done to more than one person.
- All conversations with her are short, maybe two to three exchanges, with a handful of words.
- She doesn't send you random friendly messages throughout the week. She chats you up once on a specific night of the week.
- She never texts you about anything important in her life.
- Her texts have no fluff. She cuts straight to the point.
- She never texts you about things she likes whether unicorns, movies, the color blue, her favorite band, etc.
- She gives little to no response if you tell her exciting or upsetting news.
- She doesn't wish you a happy birthday.
- She never sends a happy holiday anything text.
- She doesn't send you things to make you laugh.
- She might send you suggestive selfies.
- She asks you what you're wearing.
- She asks what time you are free tonight with the expectation you know what she wants.
- She has a significant other, and you're her side piece. (You're in an affair.)
- She could care less about the personal details of your life. In fact, the less she knows the better.
- You annoy her when you talk about the personal details of her life.
- She asks you to wear something specific before you come to her house.
- She talks a lot about your muscles and body, but never your mind or personality.
- Her top emojis are extremely flirtatious like hearts, the color red, lips, and kiss symbols.
- She's cool if you have a relationship with someone else. If you text her about this, she shows no signs of jealousy.
- She refers to your relationship as casual.
- She's not that annoyed if you can't see her. She'll try again at another time.
- You ask her to go on a date in public and she declines.
- She has nicknames for you and other code words.
- Find out what you're labeled as in her phone. That could be a pretty good indicator in this situation.
- She lets you know she's seeing other people.
- She'll pick you up if you text her that you don't have a car to get to her place.
How to Handle Her Texting Habits
At the end of the day, try not to analyze so much. When you know something clicks, it clicks—and there should be a consistency to it. Try not to put so much expectation on these things and blow them out of proportion. Just relax, don't be too nosy, and don't be too pushy. There's a certain flow to text messages, almost like dancing, that makes them feel happy.
Consider at all costs whether you are sending painful, awkward messages, or inviting fun ones. Life is too short to send crappy text messages. If you project positivity, you are more likely to have it come back to you. (What you put out into the universe is what you'll attract back.)
Never whine to someone if they don't text the way you want. Ease them into what you would like and keep your manners at all times. Just because someone is frankly an idiot about texting, doesn't mean that you have to be. Be polite, have good manners, be charming, and you will eventually progress to a relationship with someone.
You know that being a bachelor can only keep its appeal for so long, so learn the art of being a decent person, and how to be a decent texter. There are only so many good texters out there in the world, so good luck finding your match.
Questions & Answers
Question: I have this girl who I love, but she says she doesn't love me. We have been texting every day for three years, what do I do?
Answer: If texting every day is making you have romantic feelings, and it is not being reciprocated, stop texting every day. Try having conversations with other people. If she asks why you're not texting as much, say that every day was too intense, and you would only do that if someone wanted to be romantically invested with you. You deserve someone who is in love with you. She may like all the attention from the texts, but that can be really misleading for you.
Question: What if the girl seems shy?
Answer: Try hanging out with her more to see if she comes out of her shell. Calling her shy would probably offend her.
© 2014 Andrea Lawrence