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How to Tell If She Doesn't Like You (90+ Texting Signs)

I'm a Midwesterner with a background in writing and media. My articles are mainly about relationships, dating, and heartbreak.

It shouldn't be too hard to tell if someone doesn't like you through text. Their responses won't be as excited. They don't seem to be putting a lot of effort into their responses.

It shouldn't be too hard to tell if someone doesn't like you through text. Their responses won't be as excited. They don't seem to be putting a lot of effort into their responses.

The Art of Texting

When someone likes you, regardless of gender, they'll leave telling signs in their text messages. Most girls try to be friendly, of course, but if a girl’s friendliness seems excessive, and it seems as if she really wants to spend time with you, then she might have a pretty solid thing for you! However, if this enthusiasm is absent, then a girl might not think of you as much more than wallpaper. The number one key, as I will point out several times, is the quantity of communication. If there is a lot of texting going back and forth between two parties, that’s a great sign.

The following is a list of fairly clear signs that a girl isn't interested in you through her text messages. Keep in mind: some people don't like texting or are bad at it.

Women tend to use more words when communicating than men, so if she's talking a little more than you are, that's okay. It's pretty normal. If there’s a huge difference between how much each person is texting, however, that is not a good sign. There needs to be a somewhat balanced exchange of words and interactions. Reciprocity means both people will be speaking as well as listening.

The following tips are divided into three categories:

  • Totally Not Interested
  • Friend Zone
  • Booty Call

This will help you figure out if you're better off not contacting the girl at all, staying friends, or if she only wants you for your body.

Totally Not Interested

These are signs that the girl you're texting isn't interested in spending time with you, but might be too polite to say so directly. If these describe the texts you're receiving, I recommend you stop texting her entirely and move on.

  1. There is little to no response and also the communication is boring. (It reads like you're texting your great aunt.)
  2. She sends you a message to stop texting her . . . entirely, forever.
  3. She doesn't ask questions to keep the conversation rolling.
  4. She never invites you to see her in person or with friends.
  5. She doesn't know who you are when you text her.
  6. She never compliments you.
  7. She never initiates. You always text her first.
  8. She doesn't respond to you or responds several days later.
  9. She is always too busy, doesn't have time for you, won't make time for you, and never lets you know when she will be free. She's not giving you the time of day.
  10. She is too distracted by all the things she needs to get done in her life, therefore her texts messages come off as brief, hurried, or flaky.
  11. Not only does she take ages to respond back to you, but her response isn't very charming. It sounds like she's been rolling around in the grass, staring at a wall, or been in bed for ten days.
  12. She gives back negative texts saying you are being really weird, creepy, etc.
  13. She never calls, would never take a phone call from you, etc. If you've never met her in person, this could be dangerous.
  14. Her texts all sound fabricated, as if copy and pasted from the Internet, like a machine. Are you talking to a bot?
  15. She doesn't direct you to a different form of communication if texting isn't her cup of tea. A girl who likes you will find a way to chat with you.
  16. She doesn't give you her new phone number when she gets a new phone number.
  17. If she only texts you one-word responses.
  18. Your messages get blocked.
  19. If she does agree to meet up with you, she always cancels.
  20. She sends you eye-rolling emojis, GIFS, and other content to show disinterest.
  21. Only gives one word responses.
  22. Texts you back in a way that indicates she thinks you're someone else.
  23. She asks if you're spam.
  24. There is nothing funny or witty about her texts. She seems annoyed.
  25. If you stopped texting her, she would never respond to you again.
  26. She doesn't tell you anything about her day or life.
  27. You're blocked out of all her social media after she doesn't respond to any of your texts or phone calls.
  28. She makes a TikTok video or other media talking about the creepy person who keeps messaging her.
  29. You receive a restraining order from police to stay away from her. (Yikes!)
  30. She informs you that she is in a relationship and is taken. She is making it clear that she isn't interested nor available.
If her response sounds like she's been staring at a wall for days, she probably isn't interested.

If her response sounds like she's been staring at a wall for days, she probably isn't interested.

Friend Zone

If the following list applies to your text messages, the girl probably likes you as a friend. You'd be better off staying friends and looking for love elsewhere. She might even have friends she could set you up with.

  1. She is already in a committed relationship. She probably won't want to flirt on the side unless she doesn't care about her relationship.
  2. She never sends a text message randomly that's intended to be fun, funny, flirty, or even remotely happy. She only texts for business or school-related matters.
  3. She inquires more about one of your friends than you. (She likes your friend.)
  4. You probably won't witness this, but a lot of girls, if they like someone, will give them a different ringtone or text tone to separate it from the rest of the herd.
  5. She tries to set you up with one of her friends.
  6. She only texts you in a group text.
  7. She only invites you to things within a group setting.
  8. She clearly is on her phone all the time and still hardly texts you.
  9. She avoids being cutesy, such as sending photos or using lots of emojis and exclamation marks!
  10. She only texts you to get rides across town.
  11. She never texts to inquire about how you're doing. She's only interested in blabbing about herself and her drama.
  12. She isn't charming to you in person at all, only through text.
  13. She has no manners in her texting skills.
  14. She doesn't care to check her grammar, spelling, punctuation, or any of that stuff. She is by no means trying to impress you.
  15. If in a group situation, if you texted her she may end up having someone else call you to coordinate.
  16. When a girl likes someone, she will divulge a lot of information because she is excited. If you are only getting texts with a handful of words, that is not a good sign. If she sends you a novel, no matter the content, she obviously has some amount of feelings or interest.
  17. She only uses texts messages to complain. (She complains about everything.)
  18. Her messages come off stiff.
  19. She doesn't try to hang out with you one on one.
  20. If your messages start to come off flirty, she asks you to cut it out.
  21. If you drop flirty hints, she doesn't play off them.
  22. She treats you like you're one of the girls or one of her gang.
  23. You message each other on an inconsistent basis.
  24. It's apparent that she spends a lot more time talking to someone else.
  25. She keeps talking about her crushes.
  26. If you made some kind of move through text, she might respond that it was awkward or embarrassed her.
  27. She isn't sexually attracted to your gender. Don't expect that to change. This should come up naturally, maybe in text or in person. You don't want to flat-out ask her about her sexual orientation unless you've got context clues that it won't make her feel put on the spot.
  28. She is focused on school or work and makes it clear that she doesn't have time for a relationship or love. All of her texts are about school or work.
  29. She doesn't text you late at night.
  30. She doesn't randomly compliment you.
If she seems drunk, you might just be a booty call.

If she seems drunk, you might just be a booty call.

Booty Call

If these signs ring true, the girl is probably attracted to you and wants to hook up, but isn't looking for a relationship. If you think you can keep it casual, go for it! But if you want a real relationship, that could be bad news, and you might want to back off before you get hurt.

  1. She only texts you when she is drunk.
  2. She only texts late at night, just the same for men.
  3. She doesn't send random texts to check up on you, to see how you did on a test, to see if you got the job promotion, to see if you are free, to see if you like hanging out with her, etc.
  4. She texts more as a booty call, which is probably done to more than one person.
  5. All conversations with her are short, maybe two to three exchanges, with a handful of words.
  6. She doesn't send you random friendly messages throughout the week. She chats you up once on a specific night of the week.
  7. She never texts you about anything important in her life.
  8. Her texts have no fluff. She cuts straight to the point.
  9. She never texts you about things she likes whether unicorns, movies, the color blue, her favorite band, etc.
  10. She gives little to no response if you tell her exciting or upsetting news.
  11. She doesn't wish you a happy birthday.
  12. She never sends a happy holiday anything text.
  13. She doesn't send you things to make you laugh.
  14. She might send you suggestive selfies.
  15. She asks you what you're wearing.
  16. She asks what time you are free tonight with the expectation you know what she wants.
  17. She has a significant other, and you're her side piece. (You're in an affair.)
  18. She could care less about the personal details of your life. In fact, the less she knows the better.
  19. You annoy her when you talk about the personal details of her life.
  20. She asks you to wear something specific before you come to her house.
  21. She talks a lot about your muscles and body, but never your mind or personality.
  22. Her top emojis are extremely flirtatious like hearts, the color red, lips, and kiss symbols.
  23. She's cool if you have a relationship with someone else. If you text her about this, she shows no signs of jealously.
  24. She refers to your relationship as casual.
  25. She's not that annoyed if you can't see her. She'll try again at another time.
  26. You ask her to go on a date in public and she declines.
  27. She has nicknames for you and other code words.
  28. Find out what you're labeled as in her phone. That could be a pretty good indicator in this situation.
  29. She lets you know she's seeing other people.
  30. She'll pick you up if you text her that you don't have a car to get to her place.


At the end of the day, try not to analyze so much. When you know something clicks, it clicks—and there should be a consistency to it. Try not to put so much expectation on these things and blow them out of proportion. Just relax, don't be too nosy, and don't be too pushy. There's a certain flow to text messages, almost like dancing, that makes them feel happy.

Consider at all costs whether you are sending painful, awkward messages, or inviting fun ones. Life is too short to send crappy text messages. If you project positivity, you are more likely to have it come back to you. (What you put out into the universe is what you'll attract back.)

Never whine to someone if they don't text the way you want. Ease them into what you would like and keep your manners at all times. Just because someone is frankly an idiot about texting, doesn't mean that you have to be. Be polite, have good manners, be charming, and you will eventually progress to a relationship with someone.

You know that being a bachelor can only keep its appeal for so long, so learn the art of being a decent person, and how to be a decent texter. There are only so many good texters out there in the world, so good luck finding your match.

Read More From Pairedlife

So, What Do You Think?

Questions & Answers

Question: I have this girl who I love, but she says she doesn't love me. We have been texting every day for three years, what do I do?

Answer: If texting every day is making you have romantic feelings, and it is not being reciprocated, stop texting every day. Try having conversations with other people. If she asks why you're not texting as much, say that every day was too intense, and you would only do that if someone wanted to be romantically invested with you. You deserve someone who is in love with you. She may like all the attention from the texts, but that can be really misleading for you.

Question: What if the girl seems shy?

Answer: Try hanging out with her more to see if she comes out of her shell. Calling her shy would probably offend her.

© 2014 Andrea Lawrence


Collin on June 05, 2020:

How do i know if she likes me if some times it takes her an hour to respond then other times it takes 10 seconds

Fari on April 26, 2020:

I... I think I needed to hear that. Even if it hurt a bit.

Fin from Barstow on April 17, 2020:

Wow...some insight here....probably gained from experience.

You pretty much covered the gamut in three categories of all the possible texting scenarios that people could read into/or not.

Texting is a very hard form of communication to decipher and one that could read too much into things. Sometimes I find myself pondering one or two word responses I read several years ago....(well almsot).

nice little article.

RTX on February 14, 2020:

I have a crush on a girl who I met overseas. Long story short, she had bad experiences with dates, so it was a long process (actually 1 month) to open her up and know each other. By the end of the summer, she was showing interest, even went on a disastrously funny date (oh, that rain) yet no kiss. She wanted to keep it going to see what happened, and it went good for as long as I was still abroad.

Fast-forward to the present, I'm back home improving myself and working in my stuff; I couldn't be more happy to be where I'm now, except for the fact that I miss her more than I should. With no way for the moment to meet regularly face to face, she's losing interest, I can see it by the way communication has evolved. So, I'm probably already friendzoned for the moment, with no other option than texting now and then, occasional calls, more on the funny side than on the flirty.

I really want to move on and stop this madness, but too afraid to scare her away forever if I change the tone of the conversation. Should I stop texting (that could be rude, 'cause she does seem to like to know about me) or just be clear about how I feel and what I look for in a relationship. I would be understanding with whatever she has to tell, but I do feel I need to know what's in her mind.

Ug on February 01, 2020:

I have a girl am crushing on bt when I told her that I love her she just said thanks what should I do

Montypanesar on January 23, 2020:

I met this girl in uni, started talking to her through texts. Got to know her better and we became good friends. Even though she is in a relationship, she never told me. We used to text, or call sometimes daily almost. Her responses were timely and it genuinely felt that she wanted to know more about me. I even gave her a gift on her birthday to whichever she was thankful and she was genuinely surprised and happy. After sometime what I observed was that as though she kinda lost her interest. The replies I got were cold or seemed that the conversation was dying down. Basically not the same as previous texts were. I stopped texting her too. However she still meets me as if nothing happened but texts me only on regular messages(SMS) kinda avoids on social media(she is online but still replies late or doesn’t in some cases).

Any guru plz help me out of This mess

Merri on January 11, 2020:

I don’t like this girl but I think I’m messing everything up because when she asked me if I wasted to be her girl I said yes but I don’t feel anything for her and if I break up with her now she will be sad and I don’t think she will move on, what do I do? (And yes, I’m lesbian)

anonymous on December 24, 2019:

My girlfriend always replies with a hahaha... but doesn't question anything about me and I always do the intiation on our conversation

Reggie on December 22, 2019:

this girl stop sending hearts when we say goodbye. what do i do?im scared she is not interested in me

Anonymous 100101010101110 on December 04, 2019:

I like this girl but she’s older than me by a little over a year and we text all the time. She sometimes says ily but also calls me bro and mate and idk what it means

Jack on November 21, 2019:

I use to hang out with a girl in 2016 it was great then i stopped seeing her for 3 years now because I'm in a lot of pain but I texted her but been a month she hasn't replied my text message only leaves me on read.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on October 28, 2019:

Have you ever heard her voice? Because that's really important. Make sure you're not being catfished. Otherwise, she may just prefer texting over phone and video chat.

leeann on October 27, 2019:

I meet this girl online and we been texting everyday for last 5 month and It a long distance relationship. I wanna to talk to her on the phone and video chat with her but she wont do it. so what this mean

SK on September 24, 2019:

I recently started talking to my ex after 5 yrs.. he told me he broke up with a girl recently.. we mostly talk thru texts and I purposely don’t initiate texts and time it out .. he sometimes texts throughout the day, initiates convos, sends picz etc. but its not consistent.. sometimes convo r lengthy n sometimes few words....He also recently asked me to go wit him on an event. but he doesn’t ask me a lot if questions nor doesn’t text everyday.. im getting mixed signals.. i wd like to date him again but not sure if he is interested ... is he just not chatty or not interested??

John on July 27, 2019:

I called her this night and we had a really small talk, but she told me that I should go sleep and then we ended our phone call. The call last for about 2-3mins only. What should I do??

Ken on February 17, 2019:

She initially was admiring me the 1st time we saw in the church... We got to meet but didn't exchange numbers.. A month later, I went to the same church and she was really glad to see me again, of which she said. We then exchanged contacts and she was all chatty the 1st 3 days.. We met on a few occasions and she even agree for us to go on an outing... Unfortunately, she cancelled the outing for some reasonable excuse; coincidentally, she things kind of changed the moment she introduced me to her female cousin.. It's been about 3 days and she hasn't accepted to go on the reschedules outing... It turned out her chatting became less intense, though she still uses emojis; but she's all smiles and excited when she sees me in face to face and would even allow me hold her hands or hug her....

Please can you tell me what her problem is?

Molland pholl on December 12, 2018:

my crush she was so eager for me to have her number, when I chat to her she response in paragraphs and the blue ticks me I just don't understand her, when I want to talk to her she always tells me about the network problem, she tells me things through other people

Maaz ahmed on November 24, 2018:

My crush asked me who my non celebrity crush was when I hesitated she forced me and sweared on her idk why when I said it was her she sent 3 laughing emojis and didn’t text again for 3 days kindly help

paresch pascal on November 20, 2018:

well to be honest,i just met this girl right where i was having this international competition for my short film competition at tokyo so in this inter-comp,came along other participants including my country and from other countries a well.the competiton was just around one week and so.but in between,i talked to her on and off like scenario and she does reply happily.Then after the comp we all went back home from tokyo,then after i started to text her about hows she feeling and stuff and she did reply with everything that she can say actually,then after like 2 days i said that i love her,but then she replied telling ive just met you and stuff and i dont think i can be in a relationship yet,nd then afterwards she said she must get to know me first well basically through text and then i started my ups and downs,my likes and dont likes,and so on and as a matter in fact she did reply everything she does for a living and stuff as well just like i said for most of the things i just texted then afterwards with went with talking with each other and started with trivia time and after some time i told again that i still love her and then said let me think till the night then i shall tell you just like she said and we continued talking about our stories like said.then the next night she said that she loved me and u know its my first time suprise and i was thrilled like DAMN and i loved her alot actualy and we continued our love for like 4-5 days and then she suddenly broke up with me and i was upset and dissapointed and crying as a matter in fact actually and i ask her why she said she wasnt ready for a long distance relationship and so on and she said she doesnt like the fact it is actually and i just dont know what to say and she does know i was trying to text her back and technically friend-zoned me just like that but then nowdays when i text her,she doesnt reply for like hours sometimes one or two days like that sort till now so i tried to say things to make it intersting for her as i thought it would but it seems to not be working at all actually and i wished her alot during all types of events and celebrations that went on and stuff in her country but she doesnt seem to reply at once or after that but it will take longer than expected and once i tried to say why are you not responding and stuff and she said it was the wifi as it seems to her that she doesnt have wifi all the damn time and focused on what she is doing first and stuff and she has this school debates going on and work and technically doesnt go to the internet but when i can clearly see she is online in such apps like instagram and whatssap plus when i questioned her about that she said its broken because her phone apps dont work really well in her country and so on and other excuses she doenst text me like all like she does text me but with little words and as conclusion i would want to prove myself to her when im there at her country so yeah do you think its a wise or a bad desicion

The depression is real on October 20, 2018:

When I said three times it’s three different days

The depression is real on October 19, 2018:

Okay so there’s this girl I like and she knows I like her I meet her in middle school 8th grade year made her laugh and then that was the last time I saw her since we promoted to high school and I thought I wasn’t going to see her but she was in one of my classes for 1st period and skip this we graduated from high school I started talking to her and I invited her to go to Vegas with me and my friend so she said sure and then from there we started hanging out alone when she has time and some month She said I think it’s best we don’t talk anymore and we stopped talking but then I posted something on Snapchat that she took screenshot of it and we started texting again and I asked her why she said that and said if I was hurting and I told her kinda but not really and later through the text I got upset with her since I was having father problems and she said replied back with just for you I’ll disappear and I told her that I was sorry she left me on read like 3 times and she texted back when I said I was sorry won’t type what I said since I’d feel weird about but I told her I didn’t want her to disappear from my life Ik that I f up and she saved the text I sent her and we started hanging out again and I always made her laugh smile. posted a sweet text on my Snapchat story that she screenshot it but doesn’t tell me the reason so she leaves it on read don’t know what to do

gaybert on September 26, 2018:

the gal i like writes back with huge paragraphs, but she does not begin the conversation. we barely talk in person but we talk a lot in texts.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on May 16, 2018:

You should try hanging out with her outside of class and see where it goes. Try to build a strong friendship here first. You are young, so you don't need to rush into things.

Idk0k on April 30, 2018:

I like this girl and she never initiates texts but she replys every time like in 5 or ten minutes. One of my friends asked her out and she said no she likes someone else. Also she never sends me pictures randomly except once when she was crying about something. We talk alot in class in fact she teaches me spanish. In class she starts conversations but over text never. So im wondering if she likes me and how do i find out if she likes me

_breadss on April 21, 2018:

Soo blessed to read this and understand what is happening to me. Yeah, I love her a lot but she had been in complicated relationships with other people (previous ex’s). It’s better off for me to find another girl I like then be heart broken with the the same one ruining my life. Thank you soo much for posting this and finally opening my eyes. I’ve never seen this clear before. I might be over thinking but it’s better to be prepared incase you do break down.

Soumya Ghosal on April 15, 2018:

I love her.. I think she loves me too.. But she always says we are just good friends.. But she cares for me a lot.. She becomes sad when we fight and gets upset.. When I am leaving outstation she keeps on texting me and asks me to go safely.. She even remembers thinks which only a friend can't remember. Stuffs like the scenarios where she is not even present in person remembers.. Whereas it's already happened at least 5 months ago..

XavieR on March 27, 2018:

Hello Andrea,

I met this girl in a quince and she had a bf at the time but she kinda caught my eye. I didnt really pay much attetion to it but we started talking a month later like friends and it went well. We made eaach other laugh and were good friends. Then on the week of the quince her bf broke up with her and started dating another girl on the same day. I gave her her space as i know it can be painful to have someone leave her. But the next week I decided to shot my shot at her and she said she also liked me. Which I was very happy. We talked for a month and then she decided to drop me. I was hurt by this and she left me hurt. We still talked as friends for two months when I asked her if she would give me another chance. She said she only liked me as a friend. Should we still talk as friends but its hard bc i still like her alot. What should I do? Thanks

Noah on March 19, 2018:

I’ve been talking to this girl for two weeks now and we have class with each other. Our texting is pretty good and we’re getting to know each other. We usually talk about our day, school, or whatever comes to mind like TV, holiday, family, going out, etc. We literally text each other paragraphs, which make my friends think she is super interested, but sometimes when I try to flirt by saying she’s smart, or we should hangout or something she sort of ignores it. However, she did invite me to watch a basketball game with her friends where I got to meet them, but we talked for most of time away from them just getting to know each other more. She touched her hair a lot and confirmed to me she doesn’t have a boyfriend. I’m just honestly confused because she hasn’t really flirted with me at all, and I’m unsure of whether she just texts me to make sure class together isn’t awkward. I’m probably overthinking, but anything helps.


Joe on March 13, 2018:

Hi Andrea.

I'm working in a company for several weeks. It's been two weeks that I noticed there is a girl who give signs and sometimes tries to initiate a conversation with me. One day when all the company staves had left, she came to me and started talking on something totally irrelevant. and she stood just by my side while was playing with her phone for quite a minute or two while saying nothing. I asked her can I have her phone number and she gave me hers. I didn't do anything else except saying funny irrelevant stuff and making her laugh. The day after, she came up and sat back to me on a chair which I had a clear sight on. Then she tried to make an eye contact but I didn't do it. (I am too shy in making eye contact but way more comfortable in talking to girls). After 2 to 3 days ,I noticed her interest on me started fading out. Then I walked to her and asked her "may I ask you out for a dinner?" then she asked me what my purpose is (oh god who asks one'e purpose on asking for a date?!) I mentioned a national incident and she laughed. Then she said "I'm sorry I can't hang out until the end of this year". I asked her for lunch and she said the same while her laugh disappeared then said " I'm sorry I can't". During these days I texted her twice about her photo on her social media and a file which she asked me to send her (sth she could easily download from net herself) and she briefly responded in 3 words to both of my texts. After my date offer I texted her and told her we can go out for a movie or something but she didn't respond. The next day When I said hello to her, she responded without turning her head and at the end of working time, she didn't respond to my goodbye at all. I'm not sure what has happened maybe she has crushed on someone else. I don't want to ask her directly since she doesn't look to respond. besides I have personality and don't want to show myself needy at all. What do you think would cause this sudden change in a girl's feeling about a man? I'm 28 years old and she is around 30.

Many thanks in advance,

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 09, 2018:

This sounds like the beginnings of either a friendship or more. Don't sweat it too much, or she will think your awkward. Be kind and friendly to her now, and not overbearing. Keep it simple and real. If she's still sitting with you at lunch, that's cool.

Mitch on February 09, 2018:

I met this girl a week and a half ago we were really kicking it off sitting with each other at lunch in class etc then one random day it got really awkward and we don’t text as much now and she asked one of her friends to sit with us and they talked the entire time and I’m not sure if I did something wrong and I really like her and I don’t know what to do

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 02, 2018:

Too early to ask about a long term relationship. You need more dates and consistently, and you also need more confidence. Something isn't rubbing off the right way for you. Try spicing up the text conversations. Go on a few more dates.

oneroller on January 22, 2018:

I met a girl, it's been 2 weeks. right in the beginning there was no OMG, SHE'S THE ONE click, but i like how smart she is. We went out for couple dates. I don't know if she's feeling the samething. we don't text everyday, it's usually me texting her. we usually text about 3 - 4 times a week and the content is pretty boring comparing when we first met, the texts are not very long either. She's a master student so i know she has lots of study to do. If she's interested i would assume she would initiate with me as well. Is it too early to ask her thoughts about having a long term relationship?

Sam on January 14, 2018:

What does this mean, If a girl ask you while chatting, did you met any special girl.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on January 11, 2018:

Stop talking to me and move on is what she is saying.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on January 11, 2018:

It means stop talking to me.

Andrew on January 11, 2018:

With reference to my previous comment "you need to drop me", this was texted to me by a woman who told me she loved me only a couple of months ago; now, she doesn't respond to my texts. So, my question: is she saying 'stop texting me and leave me alone' or 'you need to forget me' -- perhaps the same result, but a different context. Any help in deciphering this phrase would be appreciated.

Andrew on January 11, 2018:

What does " you need to drop me" really mean (English not my first language)

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on December 20, 2017:

Ah, this sounds like a sweet crush. For your age, I would say maybe getting her a nice gift. I usually don't encourage people to go shopping, but Modcloth has some really nice stuff online. Just say you saw it and thought she might like it. Try writing her a friendly letter, nothing too crazy, and see how she responds. This girl sounds nice. Ask her for her advice, what does she think of movies, what's the best way to make new friends in a new town, who are the best teachers, etc. Let it build from there. Keep it positive, and don't be afraid if she wants you to only be her friend. This is a great contact to make early in life.

David on October 16, 2017:

Hey there Andrea, I'm not sure whether you would ever reply back to this thread but I'll leave a comments anyway.

Recently, I've been in contact with this girl for almost 3 weeks. It all went great, whenever we met in person our chemistry is clicking and she would ocasionally be worried if something happen to me.

But what's been bothering me is the fact that she nevet initiates any text messages first and the only day when she did was a couple of days ago. I did purposely try to avoid her for a day and didn't text her at all (I did text her but only ocasionally like after 2 to 3 days, not like every single day). And the results came out, she went nuts like "Are you okay? You haven't texted me and we haven't had lunch together for 2 days. I thought you were sick or something.."

But again, I'm not trying to be overconfident and assuming that this message means she likes me because I did try to make up for it by inviting her to lunch tomorrow which she suddenly cancels on the last minute even though she had agreed the day before (I asked her to meetup in front of the office like 1hr prior to our meeting and suddenly she said she had something else to do. It's like.. girl if you do have other things to do, you could have just say it right away instead of telling me only after i texted you and so last minute..).

And also, we had a club meeting activity that night; I asked her before through phone calls to which she said yes she would come but was cancelled on the last minute again because she was tired. She did apologize to me for not coming but the problem here is that she wanted to see me (maybe?) but when I tried to reach out to her, she simply rejects it? We did hang out together but it was always never just the 2 of us, she has to always bring her other friends (the only time we ever being alone is just during 1 study session, but that alone doesn't represent a huge impact to me tbh).

My concern is that does she likes me? Or is she just being comfortable around me? Or am I just overthinking this too much since we just met and barely knew each other? But the signs she gave was too obvious or weird tbh.. Like sleeping on my shoulder, letting me to touch her hand, and we even got teased by her own friends.

Oh god.. Why are girls such a confusing creature..

Philip on September 28, 2017:

After I read this the girl sent me a message asking for advice on how to ask out a boy named Sam. Well this sucks.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on September 22, 2017:

Don't be too hard on yourself. Keep working on you and you'll eventually attract someone.

K on September 21, 2017:

Pretty much, I have no love...with anyone

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on August 17, 2017:

This sounds normal. People have busy lives and they can't be in their messages all the time.

Wiktor on August 15, 2017:

Sooo... I've been texting this girl for like 2 months right now. We met 2 times and I could tell that she's into me (both through her body language and flirty text messages). Unfortunately I went on a vacation to US for 5 weeks and at first we would text each other very often and would have long conversations. She did use emojis like winky face or a kiss and stuff.. she even got up earlier just to chat with me (there is a 9 hour time difference) or send me pictures of herself (not too many but she sent some). More recently the conversations became less frequent and exciting (I was in national parks with little to none internet but still.. right now I'm in a city). They are like very casual but they kinda lack the whole flirty vibe. She is known to leave a conversation at random moment for couple of hours or leave a text once every hour or so, but recently it has become more frequent and we do not really have long, exciting ones. She still replies and stuff. She still lets me to call her and gets up approximately an hour earlier to talk to me and then we talk for more than an hour.. and when we talk she is engaged and open.. I'm just confused because I do not know if she still is attracted to me or sees me as a friend.. sometimes she says about our meet up when I return... it's very hard to describe all of this through a comment. Like, she would still talk to me about her meeting with friends or talk about some personal stuff.. last time when she was less responsive she suddenly texted me "I'm glad that I got to know you" and then sent a follow up with an article about having tempting lips with a comment that it has reminded her about me.. but it was like a week ago and I have no idea if she lost heat interest or what.. she told me that she doesn't like to show attraction when she likes a guy though... I think that she may still like me because after all, you cannot have an exciting conversation every day for a month :/ I'm just worried. What can I do to keep her attracted?

Wiktor on August 15, 2017:

Sorry for leaving two comments but I wanted just to add that for instance today we texted like whole day but she was responding every 30 minutes or an hour.. (after a response she was inactive on messenger, it's kinda normal for her to do so though but once again it is more frequent that it used to be) and she did not respond too shortly, sometimes she left two or three messages in a row.

Wiktor on August 15, 2017:

Sooo... I've been texting this girl for like 2 months right now. We met 2 times and I could tell that she's into me (both through her body language and flirty text messages). Unfortunately I went on a vacation to US for 5 weeks and at first we would text each other very often and would have long conversations. She did use emojis like winky face or a kiss and stuff.. she even got up earlier just to chat with me (there is a 9 hour time difference) or send me pictures of herself (not too many but she sent some). More recently the conversations became less frequent and exciting (I was in national parks with little to none internet but still.. right now I'm in a city). They are like very casual but they kinda lack the whole flirty vibe. She is known to leave a conversation at random moment for couple of hours or leave a text once every hour or so, but recently it has become more frequent and we do not really have long, exciting ones. She still replies and stuff. She still lets me to call her and gets up approximately an hour earlier to talk to me and then we talk for more than an hour.. and when we talk she is engaged and open.. I'm just confused because I do not know if she still is attracted to me or sees me as a friend.. sometimes she says about our meet up when I return... it's very hard to describe all of this through a comment. Like, she would still talk to me about her meeting with friends or talk about some personal stuff.. last time when she was less responsive she suddenly texted me "I'm glad that I got to know you" and then sent a follow up with an article about having tempting lips with a comment that it has reminded her about me.. but it was like a week ago and I have no idea if she lost heat interest or what.. she told me that she doesn't like to show attraction when she likes a guy though... I think that she may still like me because after all, you cannot have an exciting conversation every day for a month :/ I'm just worried. What can I do to keep her attracted?

Joseph on July 23, 2017:

Ok so a I have been talking to this girl for a while and she admitted that she likes me and sends me random pictures of herself everyday ,but one night I didn't say goodnight to her cause I fell asleep ,so now for the past 2 days she doesn't really like to talk much ,she and I are very busy people though,so has she lost interest?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 18, 2017:

Totally understandable, and I can see why you would be confused. It sounds like she hasn't made a definitive choice on either of you yet. I can understand wanting to be respectful. How many days is this guy going to be around? I think you should text her. Just find something interesting to send her, and leave her something short and sweet -- like just was thinking of you, don't want to take too much of your time, and then add something to make her smile -- like look at this crazy cat. (There's an amazing cat instragram feed of a cat sitting around eating feasts in Japan. If you can find that, maybe she would find it cute? Google search it)

Is she spending one day or several days with this person? Is he staying with her? If it's one day, don't sweat it too much. If it's a few days, I say don't stay silent the whole time.

Jackson on July 16, 2017:

Hi Andrea, I would appreciate your thoughts.. long story short I met a girl round 3 weeks at summer cabin, nothin really happened there, but we had lots of laughs together.. few days after we left it I started texting her.. and couple days later she asked me what's on my mind as she has this "situation".. she met an guy when she was visiting friend abroad and they been mainly talking online... now he is coming to visit her so she asked me.. i was honest and said that she seems like cool girl and I am interested.. and through few jokes and while after she said that i'm a nice guy and she values my attitude... later on she said that she doesnt really even know that guy who is paying her a visit...we kept on texting everyday for around 2weeks everyday.. it was only me who initiated tho and as I asked pretty much everything about her and things she likes and values at some point she would also ask something about me every now and then.. and sometime I would tell her some silly stories about me just to keep her laughing (more from funny parts, cute ones I hope...) and i've got her to laugh a lot apparently as she has asked me questions asked by her mother who found out we text coz of her laughing too much those evenings we have texted... I asked her out and she agreed, however our schedules did not match up and when both of us had free day coming I asked what about that day, she said that the other guy is coming and leaves on certain day.. so I assume she at that point at least was willing to go out after... i made a joke that 3of us should go out.. to which she laughed.... next day I just asked if her friend has arrived safe and wished them... well her mostly.. good time. I decided not to send any messages while the other guy is around so she can just enjoy her time with him without me bothering her... I was feeling quite confident, but I must say im feeling slightly nervous and hopeful she won't fall for the other guy... after all they have been chatting for few months and he came over to see her... I don't know now if I should stick up with my plan and text her after the guy has left and make few jokes if she is in mad love now or should I send her a message while the guy is still around...

Sorry for the megatext... I was trying to keep it short.. :D

Thanks in advance and wish you a great day!

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 15, 2017:

I think you should keep talking to her. And in time you'll have more information from the interaction to be able to know whether she likes you romantically, etc. Keep the communication positive and friendly, and she'll keep wanting to talk to you.

Henry on July 14, 2017:

So this girl and I have been talking for about a month and sometimes shell send messages as if she wanted to keep the conversation going otherwise it would be like a weak response. She will also start the conversation first. Im just not sure if she likes me or not

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 13, 2017:

I wish you the best of luck. It never hurts to have a positive connection, even if you guys are just friends.

Malik on July 12, 2017:

(my previous comment is disappear, but i guess that was the reply so i follow that up anyway)

Our friendship is good, but not special enough. She is my senior in high school (one year above me) ,We rarely talk to each other in real life than online. I was too shy to hanging around her.

I think i never asked that she enjoy the meeting, but i'm a little bit sure that she maybe not enjoy it much because she never (directly or implicitly) ask or want the second meeting. About her dating history, honestly i don't know much since her college years, but she once dated one of my (pretty close) friend in high school, meanwhile i had girlfriend too. Since then , i never saw a statement or pictures that show he dating someone until now.

I'll do your advice tho' , thank you very much

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 11, 2017:

Keep talking to her.

She may genuinely be busy or have things in her head she needs to sort through. Keep building a positive connection with her. Have you ever asked if she liked spending time with you one on one? Maybe don't be too forward, but let her know you like the random conversations and her company. It sounds like you two have had a friendship for a long time. Also, do you know more about her dating history in all these years? Other patterns?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on July 01, 2017:

I hope it all works out for you!

Sean on June 29, 2017:

I met her online. I figured that she was the sweet, humble and honest type. She liked me for being more mature thinking and more understanding of woman than guys my age usually do. There are a few stuff in this article that actually tells the truth about her text conversations with me. But the remaining others don't fit into her.. She's from Belgium, and i'm from the US.. It's technically a long distance relationship that i hope will work out for the both of us :)

Dylan on June 11, 2017:

My issue is once I meet someone and speak to them a few times I'm not sure what to do after the few hours of no response. This may sound weird but I leave it be and then the next day comes and I'm not sure if sending the text will sound weird creepy or needy. I hear if they don't text back they're not into you but I also hear that if it's the 1st day or so then it's nothing unusual but then I end up not knowing if I should continue to text or not and then the chances are gone. Please help.

Josh on May 31, 2017:

So the short version I recently came out from a bad break-up, which is got myself very implicated and really took a toll on me interpreting things. Now 2months after the break-up I have moved on and started talking to this girl for couple of months now, I decided that I will take it very slow this time around as I don't want to get burned again. The conversation for me isnt that deep as I think it should have been and she does take quite a while to respond where I am also always the one that initiate the conversation. She sends mix signals through her snapchat with asking me if that top looks good on her and some photo of her without any makeups on, I kinda told her already of my story 'bad break-up' she also told me she been in one last year but is taking it very slow.

I asked her out like a week ago for a first date over dinner this coming saturday and she said yes, took it as a good sign. I kept the conversation going, message her in the morning before I start work it would be like have an enjoyable day and be amazing. I don't want to sound to shallow, but yesterday I message her and told her I am already having good impression of her, she received and saw the message but didnt reply (she did tell me she is busy with a report she had to finish for her work). I dunno I am rushing things or I should keep texting her and also see how it goes at dinner.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on May 23, 2017:

I try my best to stay up with the comments, even when the hubs start to age a little here and there. Thanks for noticing!

uilliam on May 22, 2017:

just a random read that I thought might be of interest. it was, educational too. (never cared for texting at all in the past 10 years) never figured women "need" what they had lived without and did NOT need for the entirety of time until now.

anyway, most noted thing... andrea wrote an article 2 years ago and answered still a little over 2 weeks ago as well as the whole period in between. 2 thumbs up sir.

Thomas on May 02, 2017:

Andrea, I went out on a the vibe I got when she invited me to see her and applied for a passport a week ago. I casually told her I had applied and I would get the passport in about 3 weeks (I expedited it). She told me that she would look at her day planner for what week would be good for her so she could make time for when I fly out. I said find out and we can go from there and we stopped messaging.

I sent her a snap from today from Disney and mentioned the time would have been perfect if she was there. She replied, "K that rollercoaster looks awesome"

She completely ignored what I said.

I have to be honest and say I was a bit confused. She doesn't seem excited I'm making an effort trying to see her or that I take the time of day to message her or send her a Snapchat message. I get that you can't see how someone acts though message but you can definitely feel when someone is just not into the conversation. Seems a bit forced. I feel like I'm not getting any positive responses and I felt like I put myself out there and there's nothing in return. Is it safe to say I should walk away from this lost cause?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 29, 2017:

Probably just being nice. Unless there is more context to this.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 29, 2017:

That approach isn't a wise one. Could backfire on you.

hailey on April 28, 2017:

My cute boss texted on my day off. Nice but not necessary. I was doing my job. Got an effusive thank you. Flirt or nice?

Zane on April 26, 2017:

Hi,I tried the being positive approach and to be honest it had its upside but also a downside.So eventually I acted like I didn't really care and made light of her workload and gave her a friendly dig about her lack of responses to messages.So far so good as her messages have become more frequent and lengthy like before.All it shows me is the "treat them mean,keep them keen" technique works better than trying to be nice :/

Zane on April 25, 2017:

Yes,we've only been on 1 date.

Its just confusing how so much changed since it though.

2 weeks prior to it we were messaging and talking on the phone and she was saying how much she likes me.

But I don't get that vibe from her anymore.

I've given her 2 chances to be straight with me,even saying if she doesn't feel anything for me then delete my number.

I know that's a pathetic thing to do,I just wanted to know for sure.

She didn't delete me and just said she'd had a heavy weekend (she'd been away for a girls weekend)and then she had come back to a ton of work.

Even as I'm writing this I'm realizing how I must be coming across to her but I just miss our chats.

I'll take your advice and only text her positive things.

Thank you.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 25, 2017:

You may be over thinking. Have you only gone on one date? You need to think more about how you can interact more in person and less in text. If you like when she sends you pictures, let her know you like that. Keep sending positivity her way. That's the key. You'll want to send her messages to brighten her day. If you are sending her insecure messages, that won't be in your favor. Sometimes take a break from texting, refresh your mind, and then jump back in with something whimsical that will catch her attention. When you feel comfortable, try for another date.

Zane on April 25, 2017:

Hi,I met this girl on a dating site and we hit it off straight away.

We talked day and night and she said that she loves talking to me.

Anyway we decided to meet up and I stayed at her house (on the sofa) because we'd been out for a drink.

Before she went to bed she told me she liked me but doesn't kiss on a first date and if she didn't like me I wouldn't of been staying over.

The thing is after that date the messages didn't flow like they had before.

I told her if she wasn't into me anymore to just be straight with me,she told me I was over thinking.

She used to send me pictures of herself trying outfits on and of her after a work out etc but that sort of thing has stopped.

Am I over thinking?or has she genuinely gone off me?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 22, 2017:

It sounds like she is initiating a lot -- I mean, inviting you to see her? I think you should pursue this. I think you have enough of a green light. Sounds like she wishes she could be with you. It is a massive hurdle when you have the much long distance. Is there anywhere either of you could fix that? All you have right now is your conversations, so put as much positivity on that. Try changing it up. Call each other, video chat, sends gifts. You both clearly like each other.

Thomas on April 20, 2017:

I met a girl in Vegas 3 years ago we kept in touch throughout the years until the end. She got a bf and he of course was a jealous guy and made her delete multiple numbers and accounts. Fast forward to now (3years later) she randomly text me and asked if I remember her. I of course did, and she invited me back to vegas for her bday. I met up asked her if she was seeing anyone she said no, we made out and before you know it the weekend was over. She's back in her county (Canada) and I'm back in California. She began to text me right after vegas telling me things about her life and how she missed me etc. A few days later I barely get a text back or it's short and she will stop replying randomly. Hours go by and she will send me a Snapchat. I try to initiate the convo but every time it falls in the same texting pattern. I gave in and told her I missed her. She said she did too and if she could fly to me tomorrow she would. I keep getting mixed signals I'm not sure if I should pursue her or leave it alone. We can still be friends but I just don't want to put myself out there wasting her time or mine. What are your thoughts? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 07, 2017:

Keep putting positive energy on this. I'm not sure I have enough information here to know what is happening. Women often don't initiate in texting. If she makes a point to respond to you, then you are in a good spot. Spend more time with her in person and see if you can get a better vibe. It sounds like you guys need to spend time in person, if possible.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 07, 2017:

Your texting habits together are quite normal and positive. Women often like men to initiate, even when it comes to texting. This is their way of knowing if you are really interested and are going to stay consistent and really stick. Men tend to talk to several women at once, so women tend to think you're not being very serious till after some time of being consistent. That's part of the thought process. You have a problem not when she doesn't initiate, but when she doesn't respond. If she is making a point to respond to you, then she has some amount of interest. You can play the game to see if you go a week or so cold and if she'll respond on her own -- but some women, I have found, have stronger self-control, and would take longer than you expect to get back to you. So... I think more than anything, you shouldn't worry about whether she is initiating. You can tell her you like when she initiates text messages at a time when she does, and that might give her the hint that you would like that. But essentially she is allowing you to take some control and direction to the relationship. Nothing in your message to me shows that she is sending you anything negative. So you are in a good spot.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 07, 2017:

It sounds like you are in a positive situation. Do you try to do things outside of your comfort zone with her? You mentioned she'll try fishing and hiking with you, what kind of interests does she have? Sometimes it is easier for women to follow the interests of men, and then men don't necessarily look into the woman's world. I think considering this, and trying something she enjoys could help forward the relationship here. It sounds to me like she is interested if she's using positive text messaging methods, like exclamation points and emojis. And if it's only been two weeks, then I would say this is all really positive. She might not even have tried going fishing or hiking with you yet! Yeah, I think you just need to keep putting positive energy on this, think about her needs, and don't worry too much about how quickly people respond to you. Consistency is more important than how quickly they respond to you. Time and time again, I have found that consistency is the underlying factor in these things. Some people's text message methods are slower or not as intense as other people's. People have different texting methods, but it's not near as important as what happens in person.

JCJ3 on April 06, 2017:

Hello. I have a question.

I have been "friends" with this lady for a couple years but we really never talked a lot. Until recently we have been talking quite often. She never starts convos in the one who takes that role which I totally don't mind. I don't message her all the time just when I get an urge to text her. She usually responds pretty quick, she's a really nice person with get goals and things she wants to do in life. However I'm alittle confused, like most guys including me we always don't understand if ladies are flirting back or is she's been nice to me. We have been flirting back and forth including a lot of emojis and extra exclamation points. Any tips on what's going on and what to do next?? I give ideas on dates and things to do together and she hasnt said no to them.. she seems really eager to learn new things with me.

Morabit on April 06, 2017:

Well Andrea, at the moment I'm really in the dark here. Especially when I read these kind of 'signs she .....'-articles.

I've met a girl a few months ago. Everything went quite smooth, especially when we saw each-other in real life (since I have a kid from an earlier relationship already, let's say every two weeks).

It actually went so good I stayed over at night a few times.

Very nice, kuddly, lots of talking and so on....

Since the beginning, texting frequencies were rather low. Let's say we talked to each-other every two or three days.

Most of the time I initiated the messages and she quickly replied with short, happy, responces.

You know, with some smileys, a twich and so on.

All fun and games, but it's getting to me.

Especially, because I think (and maybe that's just paranoia), If I'm not sending anything, I don't get anything.

Or let's say, I don't dare to wait more then 4 days.

On the onther hand, if I do sent something (and I'm not the type of guy that bombards girls with messages), she answers (still quick, and still with some smileys).

As you can see, our texting is nothing like the signs given in the peace above.

Now I'm wondering: should I be worried? Or is this just a not texting type of girl?

Do I leave her alone and see what happens? or do I just keep sending here, rather playfull messages, every two or three days?

Hate it!

JC on April 06, 2017:

I've been talking to this lady for about two weeks. We have been friends but we hardly talked until recently. I start the conversations whenever I feel the urge to (not all the time) and she tends to reply quick within a 4 hour time frame. She seems extremely willing to try new things she's never done before with me.. like fishing or hiking. She uses exclamation points and does send emojis a blushing smiley, laughing, wink, smiley.. Also she never just says thank ou when I give her compliments. She's pretty nice but I can't tell what's going on. I am taking my time with this any tips?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 01, 2017:

This sounds like a reasonable plan. It can be hard to immediately starting dating from work, especially when new. You don't want to mess up your work situation, and you don't all the other people yet, or the social dynamics. It's best to start a positive rapport with her first. The more she can trust you, the less she'll work about it being an office romance.

Tnaples on March 31, 2017:

Thanks Andrea,

I think you where mainly right. She did get back to but said she felt uncomfortable, because we worked in the same office, that she was new and didnt usually date people at work. She also said i should come chat to her more next time i m in her department. i m very aware of not to getting friend zoned.

I get the feeling being new and not really knowing me, she doesnt want to jump into dating work people. incase it i didnt work out, and doesn't want to mess her work situation up. i feel the best thing i can do is just keep being a gentleman, and like you said patient. As we get know each other better and she feels more comfortable with the hole thing, maybe something will happen. I m usually pretty good with these things and have dated a lot of girls, the only reason i m chasing is that when were person to person chatting i get a really good vibe, and can tell her too and those things don't come around that intuition is usualy quite good with these things.... Hopefully i m not being blind and she's just not interested? thanks

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on March 30, 2017:

My first thought is that since you work together, it's okay if things are slowed down. You have more chances to grow this thing out than if you were trying to connect with her online. So you don't need to panic at all really. There's a lot of unknown parts about this at this point since it is all new. What you do need to do is focus on creating a positive connection. Instead of pushing forward dating so much, try creating a friendly, positive presence so that you can have more to work with here. Do text her, keep it fun and friendly. I'm not saying friendzone, but just keep things a little more simple here. Keep a witty banter, be funny, be nice. When the timing is right, ask her to go get coffee or brunch. She needs a little more prepping before you go out, and maybe her schedule is a mess right now. I have had a poor schedule before when someone was interested in me and all that was really needed was patience on their side. Patience is your answer.

Keep inviting her to different things. You have something here that you can develop -- and put little tokens of kind things toward her -- consider it like a bank. I think there is potential here, in all honesty. She might have gotten a little scared and you might have pushed more than she was ready to accept... but again, you work with her. So you can have many, many takes on how you present yourself to her. Just so you know, the most successful relationships start at workplaces. Not bars, not Tinder, not church. Literally, right where you work is the best place to be to find love. So..... you are in good shape, and I want to encourage you. Be a gentleman, show interest, play your cards well.

Tnaples on March 30, 2017:

Probably reading into this too much.

But I like a girl at work, and chatted to her a few times in passing and got the vibe she like me. One night when I was out I bumped into her boss (who's on the same managerial level as me, I m a few years older and more senior than her at work) and she randomly told me the girl liked me. So the following week I messaged her on the work system, ask her out and got her number. Since then we've been texting back and forth in quite a positive way, she's really slow to responses (1 or 2 days sometimes), but gets back most of the time. I asked her out a few times but for various reason we couldn't find a time to meet up ( I was away and unfortunately her gran passed away). Even though I'd love to chat to her face to face as real contact is always best, unfortunately we haven't crossed paths. we've cought each other's glance and exchanged a little smile once or twice, but that's it. Anyway it's been over a month now since the initial interaction and a few weeks since her gran passed, I feel like the texting is running a little dry. So started texting a bit shorter and more direct about meeting up, we where meant to go for a drink last Friday, but she suddenly cancelled last minute with no explanation and ask to rearrange. I said that was fine and left it at that. I message her Monday saying hey how's your week looking? I also said it was a shame we didn't cross paths more often as it was nice catching a glimpse of her at work....and would be great to have s real conversation : )

It's been 2 days and she hasn't got back to me. I m a being to pushy, did the moment pass, was that comment about catching a glimpse of her at work too much and scared her off? Or is she just being shy and playing the game a bit?

I don't won't to be rude or pushy, but I pretty sure that if we just hang out in person we would get on great and there would be something to build on.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on March 26, 2017:

Keep chatting with her. She sounds nice. It is okay if people don't use emojis. You should meet her for coffee or brunch one day, say you would like to meet in person, if that's okay with her. Don't put too much pressure on it, and she'll probably be glad you offered to meet in person.

Dan on March 24, 2017:

Hello, I like this girl we go to the same school but we haven't really met in person every time I try to talk to her she's with her friends and when I'm walking home I saw a girl that looks just like her so I messaged her asking if she lived on the same street as me and she told me that was indeed her. We've been talking since the 10th of march. We have a lot in common we both like The walking dead sports and similar music interests. When I talked to her for the first time she was friendly and seemed to really care about her grammar. I told her that I saw her in one of my classes and how I was going to say hi the next time I saw her in person. She told me that she wanted to see Logan which was a movie I saw during the march break but she hasn't seen it. I really wanted to ask her if she wanted to see the movie together but I figured it would've been too awkward to go to a movie with someone you haven't seen in person. I'm not really sure what to do I'm really interested in her and getting to know her further but I don't see her around school much anymore. I also noticed she doesn't use emoji's what so ever is that normal? she doesn't text me first I'm not really surprised since we've never met face to face but she does respond to me fairly quick and she says hi with extra i's like hii and she says lol and lmao a lot is this a good sign? I also don't know how to tell her how I feel about her. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 01, 2017:

Enjoy her company. There's no telling what will happen. Be confident, be happy, and seem like you have a nice vibe. Women like to be around positive people. Don't worry so much. Focus on your smile, focus on making her feel at ease.

Scars1989 on January 31, 2017:

Here is the short version

I like her I started out playful text teasing her right from the first texting day she sent me a picture of her to show off how long her hair is when not up ( we work together)

She does not shy away from conversation how ever she never text me on her own except once when she wanted to know if I was working

She even agreed to go with me out off town two weeks from now when I ask this weekend

Every vibe I'm getting is saying your a nice guy but not my kinda guy this also has only been about 3 weeks or so

But I'm often terrible at interpreting these things ... probly why I've been single for a decade

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on January 13, 2017:

Listen to your gut. If you think you are a booty call, you probably are.

Jack on January 12, 2017:

Somehow I find myself in a mixture of "she's totally not interested" and "booty call". how is that possible? friends with benefits maybe?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on November 25, 2016:

It sounds like she is interested. Don't base too much on texting. Have you guys met in person? In person communication is the most important. Most people have busy schedules so they can't be texting at every and any second of the day. I say you should keep communicating with her and see where it goes. She might not be 100% sure about you yet, but you can definitely help things if you communicate outside of texting, if you have that chance. It helps if you initiate more than her; most girls prefer that and it makes more sense to them.

andrewmm1989 on November 25, 2016:

Been texting with this girl for all most two months. She msgs early in the morning late at night always sends me hearts and kisses but still not sure what to think because she's vague about everything. Some days super flirty and other days seems uninterested completely. Just wondering if I should just leave things be the way they are and see what happens?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on November 06, 2016:

I can understand that if she feels like she can't give you children, that this won't be going anywhere. If she is willing to talk, you should let her know how much she means to you and that children isn't all you want. Also, there's adoption, if she's interested in that -- but that's not the real thing you should be focusing on. Let her know you didn't mean to make her feel less than the wonderful person she is. I don't know how sensitive this issue is for her if she can't have children. It may mean a lot to her. She may have had someone in her past leave her for this reason.

I think you'll want to come off as a positive person, someone that she knows she can have fun with, and knows won't suddenly leave or breakup with her. She may have saw this as a big red flag and had to cut her loses before she got into it too deep.

I wish you the best of luck! As for how busy she is and if that is real -- as long as people keep talking, I can imagine they really are busy. If she is willing to make time for you, that is a plus. It's easy to get windswept being busy.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on November 06, 2016:

Are you initiating any of these conversations? She may be wanting you to take the lead on this. It weirds women out more when guys are not initiating conversations.

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on September 18, 2016:

You should do nothing. She is obviously very upset and feels betrayed, even if it doesn't make sense. She may have thought you had genuine interest and needed time before she caught up, but then she felt like something happened and you were not as genuine as she thought. She is trying to put distance on it. You should give her as much space as possible for awhile. Months.

Raj12-12 on September 13, 2016:

so i like a girl in office, we started to talk with each other through fb messenger than on what's app and everything was going well one day i told her that i like her and she replied we don't know each other well which is true , so i continue to be her friend bt i already expressed her what i feel for her , on valentine's day i proposed her and she neither says yes or no ,she just smiled and said i don't believe you ,so i told her i can wait as long as you want. now one day she found that i was talking with one girl (good friend of mine),now from this day she started to behave rude with me that i lied to her ,i explained her that it is her assumptions i'm not looking for another girl .i have a feeling only for you ,but she don't want to talk with me now ,we are in same office now she ignores me for each and everything , i called her several times and most of the time i got busy tunes. texted her for apology and to forget everything but she refused .what should i do now?

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on June 18, 2016:

Thank you so much for your feedback! I hope I can help you and offer some perspective.

I would agree with you and say focus on the new girl and not waste time on the old one. I don't think things would work out there. At all.

As to whether you were wrong.... there's no real way of knowing. And when it comes to relationships, you want to avoid thinking too much in right or wrong terms -- that can get you to think too narrow minded and end up losing a relationship. Sometimes people are both right... sometimes they are both wrong. The problem more so is miscommunication. You want to communicate well and without lying. You also want to understand people's intentions and build a healthy amount of trust. But getting more so as to what you want -- what was happening that night for her, what her intentions were, or what she could have been doing... is all up in the air. I wouldn't play investigator too much in a relationship. It can end up causing you to play the wrong cards and get paranoid. I would say she teased you with her outfits for sure, but for what reason and what she was actually doing -- who knows.

BUT if you are with someone new who puts you at ease and things are going in a more calm direction, then that is good. It seems like the other girl attracts a lot of negative attention. Also, don't go looking for trouble with this old girl -- if you have someone new and you're exclusive, muddying up the waters can really end up to bite you back, whether karma or feelings. I hope this is helpful. I would say odds are the old girl was up to some kind of mischief, considering the background. I would put it out of sight out of mind so as not to distract you. Feel free to reach out to me!

D-man on June 18, 2016:

I've never posted a question on a site like this before but this one girl is confusing the hell out of me. I'm not a kid (33) and neither is she (31).

She tells me that she finds me attractive but is not ready to be in a relationship. She laughs and has a good time when we're together. She flicks her hair, locks her lips, and looks into my eyes with this look that seems fairly obvious. She sends me nude photos of herself both of her own free will and when I ask her.

Her last relationship ended badly with the guy stalking her until she got a restraining order against him. Before that she had a relationship with a guy for 10 years. That relationship ended with the guy in prison after he kicked in her door, assaulted her, and then stole her purse and car.

So I get it. She's had a rough go, but that seems to be the type of guy that she is attracted to and that certainly isn't me. I mean, I'm a geological research scientist for god's sake. Now that's GEOLOGICAL research scientist not physics, chemistry, or biology. So I'm not that type of scientist you're probably picturing. I can be rough and most people would describe me as very aggressive, but I'm not a degenerate like the guys she's always dated before.

She is close friends with many members of the Outlaws and Black Pistons MC's. Recently there was a week when she was totally free and clear of any obligations. We had many plans for that week. But right as the week started a "member" from out of town showed up at her place. He stayed there for the week and she cancelled all of our plans.

I was obviously pissed clean off by this so she explained that "most guys find him intimidating" and that "she didn't want to put me in any danger". I explained that I couldn't care less about who he is and that I just wanted to spend time with her but I never saw her that week once.

She assured me that nothing happened between them, but even if that's true it doesn't fix the situation, right?

So 2 weeks ago I sent her a text that saying that I wanted an answer right then and there. Does she want to be in a committed relationship with me or not. I told her this was the curtain call and her final answer.

She said she needed more time to heal so I said ok. 2 days later I entered into a relationship with one of the other girls looking for my attention.

That night she texted me saying that she's coming out of the dark now and ready to date guys again. She said she has a date with this guy. I said "that's fantastic. I hope he makes you happy, you deserve that."

I don't think that's what she wanted to hear because she started back peddling out of it. Saying it wasn't really a date and she isn't really interested in that guy at all.

When I try to talk to her she just stonewalls me. Saying things like "I have a lot to say about that topic" but she's always too "busy" to just talk about it then and there.

I waited by patiently for 5 whole months for her to be ready but we made no progress whatsoever. As a matter of fact I'd say we went backwards for the last 3 or so.

She sends me things like Mike Posner's music video "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" which is a very depressing song about a guy who messed himself up for years. But he can't break out of the cycle that he hates because he no longer knows who to trust and therefore will be alone.

But here's the kicker. One night, many weeks ago, she sent me a picture of her in 3 different outfits and asked which one I thought looked best on her. I told her which one I liked and asked if I could come over to take it off of her. She said that she couldn't because her sister was over. I pursued, I'm a guy, what can I say? But she was completely silent.

About an hour later I got a text back saying that she was driving to work. But her work is only half an hour away and it was not at an appropriate time for a shift change at the hospital but I didn't pay much attention to that yet.

So I went over to my brothers for some gaming. On my way home I figured I'd drop her off a coffee since it was an overnight shift. When I got to the hospital I was informed that she did not work that night.

Then thinking back on it I realized that the timing was all off for her shift. Plus she would have told me that I can't come over because she has to work, not because her sister was over. It just made no sense.

Then I thought about the advice on her outfit and I couldn't escape the real possibility that she had got me to weigh in on the outfit she wore to date another guy. Needless to say I started seeing red right about now.

She texted me later that night, around 4am, and I made it quite clear that I knew something was up. Right off the bat I asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me. She said "no, I was at work". So I said "Oh you were at work tonight?" even though she had already told me that. I asked a paraphrased version of that 3 more times in that same conversation saying "Work? Oh you were working tonight?", "oh, I didn't know you were at work", and "oh, my bad. I didn't realize you were at work today". Each separated by several text messages.

The next day I just straight up confronted her about it. I told her I knew she wasn't at work so why was she lying to me.

She latched onto the "I know you weren't at work" part rather than the fact that she was lying. She started getting mad at me asking who I had in the hospital spying on her. Which yet again does not make sense. The natural progression would be to affirm her innocence THEN to try and uncover the source. She never once said what you, I, or anyone else would say, "What? That's ridiculous! I was there." Nope, just "Who do you have spying on me?"

But now that I'm in this new relationship she seems to be jealous.

Tell me, if you know. Did I jump the gun here? Am I misinterpreting things from her? Is there another explanation as to that night that seems to be such a blatant lie to me?

Not that it will change my path mind you. The girl I have now is absolutely perfect. I'm just curious if I could have been so wrong because I don't like being wrong.

Nids on May 15, 2016:

Thanks for my replied!

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on May 15, 2016:


Most likely too early to tell. Sounds like it is in the beginning stages. I'd keep being positive, make it fun, and make sure she is comfortable. You'll get further along this way.

Nids on May 15, 2016:

Hi there, I've known this woman for about 4 months. I have a crush on her a few months ago then last week I asked for her number and she gave it to me. So that day I took a few pictures of her and sent them to her mobile phone without saying anything. She didn't reply or text anything back to me at all. So I thought she didn't like me. Then a week later I sent her another message to ask for her suggestion about school stuffs and she replied me half an hour later and said would help me out and set a time to chat about it. So I wonder if any chance that she likes me or it is too early to tell? Thanks

Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on May 02, 2016:


Sounds like she is wanting you to take the lead. Try asking her to hang out one on one and see what happens. She might not know what she wants yet. But if you know what you want... put yourself out there. Sounds like the two of you are close enough that mentioning this shouldn't hurt anything.

B.K.A.S on May 01, 2016:

Hey man, so there's this girl that I recently got to know about a few weeks back, and she seems to be interested and we have pretty in-depth convos sometimes, and there was a time when we were walking home from school together and she asked me why I don't text her. I told her I assumed she had lots of guys texting her already, but she told me there was only one guy consistently texting her, and that I should text back sometime soon. Thing is, she keeps sending mixed signals, with the use of emojis in 3-4 messages in a row sometimes and then suddenly one message replies. I know for a fact that she friendzoned the other guy she talks to (2 year friendship btw) and their texts are SUPER flirty and she keeps saying their current relationship is "complicated" but also denies being together. I'm interested in her, but the signs she gives me are so mixed and its really killing me. She keeps hanging around me in school, but honestly that's about it

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