Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.
Due to some of the freedoms we have now in the Western developed world, we have some consequences associated with commitment issues. One of the main purposes for marriage licenses in the past was to ascertain that a man would stay with a woman to help raise her young rather than leave her behind in a state where she may not survive the pregnancy and cause her children to be orphaned. There was overall less security and more danger in the world of the past. . .
Today, we have different problems. We also have way better leverage and variety when it comes to dating. The present is a far better time to match up with someone than in ancient history.
So. . . anyway. . . why might men not be ready for a relationship?
Sometimes a man may sincerely like you, but he may not be ready. Here are some of the frustrating signs that though he is probably into you — he isn’t ready to start anything serious.
1. He won’t spend time with you but is positive toward you otherwise. He literally will do anything to NOT be around you because it may offset his plans. Not making plans with you at all is a bad sign. Sometimes guys are busy, trying to set a new direction for their lives, etc. Take caution if you are going to be waiting for one of these.
2. He is still avidly dating/going out with several women and talking about women’s bodies as if it doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. He is playing the field. This means he isn’t ready to settle down.
3. He doesn’t feel like he is far enough in his career or finances to provide for a suitable structure. He doesn’t feel ready and he would rather be. Translation: he’s just not that interested.
4. He is spending significant amounts of money on alcohol, drugs, lottery tickets, and other nonsensical thrills. Someone who is ready for a healthy relationship will have a better understanding of their finances. They might do some of these things but more in the background of their lives.
5. He has never moved out of his parents’ house. This is really weird the older he gets.
6. His life is too much in transition, and he is unsure where he’ll be living, etc. If his life is changing a lot, he probably can’t offer you stability.
7. He hasn’t learned to ignore some of the required pressures we associate with in life. He is too overwhelmed. He doesn’t know how to prioritize his life yet.
8. He is too attached to Playboys to transition out of them. He likes his porn more than he likes a relationship. Porn is not good for the brain; it can rewire it to become addicted to images. This can take the place of where a relationship should be.
9. He is too young… at least in his mind. He may want more time to develop who he is as an independent. Anyone 20 and under is incredibly young to be settling down in this day and age. To be honest, 20-somethings are all pretty young.
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10. He may be too attached to his bros. Having friends is great, but there are times in life when this is much more a primary focus than when someone is ready to be in a relationship. At the end of college, he may want to hang out with his friends who will be moving away soon.
11. He doesn’t know how to care about you beyond seeing you as an object for sex. If he doesn’t care about your emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing, then he might only care about how you pleasure him.
12. He may be too focused on his plans to notice what in the world is happening in your life. If he doesn’t care about your mom’s death… not only is this a bad sign for a potential interest, but he’s kind of a bad person if you know him at all.
13. He still is spending a great deal of time on his ex-girlfriend. If he is with her and communicating with her, then he isn’t done with her. If he keeps talking to you about her, then he probably isn’t so attached to you.
14. He recently got out of a relationship. He needs time to recover and process what happened. Be careful not to be a rebound, your odds of a successful relationship are low.
15. He may have recently had some trauma that is putting dating on hold such as a close death or his parents' divorce.
16. He has no clue what he wants to do and is mostly wasting his time. He probably doesn’t know what he wants in a woman either.
17. He doesn’t invite you to any of the events in his life whether big or small. Not inviting you to his birthday if he knows you pretty well is weird.
18. He has too much on his plate from work to other side interests. His schedule is too congested to have time for you.
19. He is dealing with an illness or someone close to him is. This would cause him not to be focusing on romantics.
20. He is moving to a different city and soon. Why start a relationship if you are moving unless you already are pretty serious?
21. He is in a relationship with someone! DUH, THAT’S BAD. Just be a good friend, but don’t be putting on any moves. The only time to confess feelings is if he just started dating someone and you’ve known him for a long time.
22. He doesn’t have a job, a car, a degree, nothing. He isn’t anything or going anywhere yet.
23. He isn’t interested in meeting your friends or family. He should want to do this.
24. He frequents strip clubs.
25. He actively and noticeably is into porn… right in front of you. He compares you to the images he sees. He wants to try those things. RUN.
26. His house resembles a bachelor pad covered in filth. If you would describe him as a “bachelor” then he probably has some growing up to do.
27. He smells bad. When men aren’t really putting in the effort, basic hygiene falls to the wayside.
28. He is in jail or about to be. Don’t date someone like this!
29. He hasn’t graduated high school yet. TOO YOUNG.
30. He isn’t attentive to you in any regard. When men are interested they ask questions, they check to make sure the surroundings are sensible, etc.
31. He is uninterested in anything happening in your life.
32. He does not show any empathy when something serious has happened to you.
33. He does not say hello or make any conversation when he sees you. He simply does not know you exist or he does not care to communicate with you.
34. He spends more time with your sister or best friend. He is probably more interested in her than you.
35. He is into men! That is not going to change.
36. He flat out tells you he isn't ready for a relationship. Guys are honest when they say this. Maybe in the future that will change, but don't hold to that.
37. He doesn't know you are a woman... you may be dressing too boyish, try on some heels and a flattering dress for once.
38. He sees you as only a friend and doesn't see you as something romantic. Try changing your appearance and your conversation topics to change that opinion.
39. You don't attract him. His eyes don't light up when you're around.
40. He has kids who he wants to spend a lot of time with and not you. He may not be over his past wife whether from divorce or death.
41. He is uncomfortable with touching you in any capacity. Which is a pretty bad sign.
42. He doesn't know you exist, really.
43. Try asking one of his guy friends what they think about you, especially a close guy friend or his roommate.
44. Ask his close best friend that is a girl what she thinks—if you're certain she's not into him.
© 2013 Andrea Lawrence