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Signs He Doesn't Like You Through Texting

Updated on October 3, 2016
SerenityHalo profile image

I'm a midwesterner with a background in writing and media. I write mainly relationship, dating, and heartbreak hubs.

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What His Texts Really Mean

Sometimes it is hard to tell whether someone likes you or not. This post is intended to help you realize when a guy isn't interested in you, based on how he texts. Of course, all rules have exceptions, and some people are just bad at texting. Be careful not to jump to conclusions too quickly or overanalyze things.

Generally, men are not into double meanings and tend to communicate in a straightforward way. Other ways of communicating, especially face-to-face, will give you a stronger grasp on the situation, so remember to also look for other indications outside of texting such as body language. However, if texts are all you have to go on, don’t worry: even text messages contain lots of clues.

The following is a list of signs you can use to determine if he leans more toward liking you...or not being interested at all. I’ve divided them into three categories:

  1. Totally Not Interested
  2. Friend Zone
  3. Booty Call

My favorite texts to receive from guys are:

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Totally Not Interested

If these signs describe your communication with a guy you like, you’d be better off moving on and finding someone else who better appreciates your interest. These signs indicate a guy who either is completely uninterested in you in any way, or who is just a complete asshole who doesn’t care if he acts inconsiderate. Either way, you deserve better.

  1. He never responds to anything you ever send him.
  2. There is absolutely no interaction. Zero interaction means zero things are happening. There's no momentum. That doesn't mean you should send hateful or aggressive messages, because negativity is worse than zero.
  3. He regularly takes 24 hours (or longer) to reply. It's okay to wait a couple of hours or so because we all have busy days or, if it was late and he went to bed, the next morning. But if there's no response, it might not mean he hates you, but you might not be a priority of any kind.
  4. He only texts you about business matters or school matters.
  5. His texts are colorless. There's no joking, no flirting, nothing. They sound boring and typical.
  6. He never texts you anything unnecessary or random. If his text has a reasonable context, then it isn't necessarily an excuse to get in touch.
  7. He'll avoid even the most minute personal details about himself. He won't tell you about his job, though most guys love to talk about their job.
  8. He texts you only for homework answers.
  9. None of his texts inquire into your well-being. There will be no message asking how are you, if you had a good morning, or if you did well on a test.
  10. He never invites you to anything through texting. Surely, he'll invite you to something whether a concert, poker, a walk--seriously.
  11. When he cancels, he doesn't bother to give you a reason.
  12. He doesn't care that you are sick.
  13. He doesn't text more than once every three months. Generally, I would say more than once a month, but there are some exceptions. Such as, if he suddenly starts talking to you out of nowhere and you never see him, he probably has an interest in you. He may be so far removed from your daily life that texting too often may come off too random
  14. He consistently only sends one word responses when context would require a longer response. This may mean he reads your messages, but doesn't care to write as much. You may want to try calling him or another mode of communication in case this is just a texting problem.
  15. There is no emotion to the texts. No smileys. No emoticons. No exclamation marks. Nothing. He never congratulates you on anything.
  16. He doesn't seem to know who you are. He may ask, "Who is this?"
  17. He asks you to stop texting him or to leave him alone; he is too busy. If he asks you to stop texting, it means you are texting too much and he can't handle it and it may be getting in the way of things he wants to do for himself whether job related or social networking.
  18. Everything he sends to you is mean, hurtful, and rude. He clearly wants to get rid of you.
  19. He consistently uses the wrong name for you.
  20. If he refers to you as a "bitch," he most likely isn't interested in you in a good way...or at all.

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Friend Zone

Sometimes a guy really likes you as a friend, but is uncomfortable with the idea of being more. There are lots of possible reasons for this. Maybe he likes someone else, he’s gay, or he just doesn’t see you that way. If this is the case, my advice is, again, to try to find somebody else. You could even enlist his help.

After all, since he likes you as a friend he’d probably love to set you up with one of his guy friends. Anyway, the following are signs that he respects and admires you as a friend, but isn’t looking for anything more.

  1. His texts are more like what he would send to his guy friends, like scratching his balls, farting, and talking about beer. No guy would resort to this unless he is inept or does not care to impress you at all.
  2. He refers to you more frequently as "buddy" or "bro." The qualifiers he uses to define you should be self-explanatory. Guys don't generally use the word "buddy" if they see you as romantic potential, unless this guy is losing it and really likes you and has no idea what to say anymore.
  3. If you receive a text from one of his friends and that friend says that your interest gave him that phone number... your interest probably doesn't like you, but his friend does.
  4. If he cancels on you, don't immediately jump to conclusions. See if he would like to visit with you some other time and try to reschedule. Try to see what are the reasons why he canceled. Guys, unfortunately, cancel a lot but that doesn't mean they are not interested in you. There could be a number of reasons they have to cancel, so don't sweat it too much.
  5. He asks for advice on another woman. This screams he sees you primarily as a friend.
  6. He tells you that his friends are free to hang out with you instead. This means that he may enjoy your company, but if he is passing you off to his friends this may mean the guy is more interested in seeing somebody else and he doesn't want to give the wrong impression. He likes you enough that he'd want you to mix in with his group of friends, which is a compliment. And you may find someone who is more in synch with you from the friend group.
  7. You see him write lengthy text messages but you never receive any. Clearly, he has the capacity to do so, and can be heartfelt, but just isn't to you.
  8. If he seems to be mainly interested in men, he might be your gay best friend. But remember, bisexuality exists! Don’t make assumptions.
  9. When you make a flirty pass, he doesn't respond by being flirty or enthusiastic, but keeps it strictly friendly. Worse, he says you are being weird. That may mean he doesn't get it or like what you are saying. He isn't connecting.
  10. He uses the word "platonic" in reference to you.
  11. Guys don't usually pour out all their feelings in text form. If he does, he may have some interest in you beyond friendship.

Source

Booty Call

If you really like a guy and he only sees you as a booty call, it’s better to know sooner rather than later so you don’t get too attached. If you want an emotional, committed relationship but he only wants sex, you should probably keep your distance to protect your feelings. The following are signs that he is only interested in a casual or physical relationship.

  1. He only texts you between the hours of 12:00am-5:00am.
  2. He has a girlfriend, is in a relationship of some kind, or is married. You do not want someone who is willing to flirt around while they are in a relationship; this has bad indications that he would do the same to you if in a relationship, so just look right past him. There's other great guys out there, just wait.
  3. He only texts you pictures of his body, especially his chest or “dick pics.”
  4. If you see an "I love you" text to someone else on his phone, beware that he may be cheating or is about to cheat.
  5. He accidentally texts you information that was meant for another woman.
  6. You out-text him by a large percent, such as 80%. When texting, the communication should appear fairly even from text to text. At least, there shouldn't be a noticeable one-sided texter. You may occasionally double text, especially if he does this himself, and generally if the messages are related. Do not over-text. It's overwhelming and comes off as needy.
  7. He never apologizes if he is late to respond. He never apologizes, period. If he has never used the phrase "I'm sorry" when doing something hurtful, it's because he isn't emotionally involved enough to care and he has too big of an ego.
  8. If he sends you texts being upset about the cleanliness of his home, he probably is just annoyed with how you left his house (unless he’s your roommate of course.)
  9. If he only sends you mass texts it probably means he wants to socialize and party. And you are invited!
  10. Avoid putting too much expectation on the whole situation because that may intimidate the guy away from you.
  11. If he suddenly stops texting you, be cautious. He may be busy, but he may have also found interest in someone else.
  12. If he regularly cleans out his text messages from you, that may mean he has no attachment.
  13. If he demands certain services of you such as backrubs, sandwiches, and other odd things this may mean he likes you or sees you as his maid. You can playfully joke back with him or tell him off; how he responds here is key.
  14. If he says you are similar to one of his exes, be wary. This may mean he automatically doesn't like you. It can also mean that you are his type...or that you are close enough to his ex that it is like dating her anyway.

Does he like me?

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    • profile image

      Kierstin 23 months ago

      this has cleared it up. He likes me, at least somewhat.

    • profile image

      CC 21 months ago

      I would like to ask..I met the guy online and we went out movie and dinner once 2 weeks ago. He sent me message..like 'thanks for a nice evening' bla bla bla, at that time, I thought, he was being polite.

      Then, he keeps text me every day but a bit more slow response.

      I thought he was not interested in me, as he didnt ask me out again, then I texted him to say, if we couldnt be more than fds, Im ok to be friends. Then he replied 'thanks for my message and no problem being friends at the moment, as many things happened at the sametime (he is divorcing now), then all in sudden, his messages come more often again...and he keeps sending me everyday, morning, daytime and good nite(with my name).

      Im really confused now that whether...he wants to keep me around as he may have other 'better' option or really is interested in me..as he never asks me out again...since the 1st date.(or meeting)

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 21 months ago from Chicago

      @cc

      If he's going through a divorce, it can be all over the place. I don't recommend putting too much faith into him at this point. He probably likes you, but his life is a mess right now so there's no telling where you'll fall into place.

    • profile image

      CC 20 months ago

      really thanks your advice.

      Just..we met two more times for dinner in 4 weeks, but really like friends, he just kissed my cheek goodbye, no holding hands.

      Then, he keeps texting me till now..nearly 2 months...

      Is it possible that he just sees me as a friend or just keep me around?

      Thanks for advice again.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 20 months ago from Chicago

      @cc

      Guys who are just friends don't usually kiss on the cheek, unless they're European or gay. I have no idea why hand holding is related to that at all. But guys going through divorce are usually not ones you want to get worked up over. They're transitioning and kind of all over the place. Plus, just because they're saying they're going through divorce or will doesn't mean that will actually happen. Keep your eyes open and don't limit yourself to this one.

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      CC 20 months ago

      Thanks for your advice again. The reason why I mentioned hand holding was..

      I saw many informaton from different websites, said..3 date rule, hand holding, kiss or go further..Im not sure, it's true or not. As we just have good bye kiss, that's why I mentioned it.

      But really thanks for your advice, I shall take it seriously and try to open my eyes for others.

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      wte 19 months ago

      Hi, so I have this classmate ... I really like him and I know he likes me as well. Last week we went to a party together, and I confessed to him; we kissed the entire evening, and he seemed pretty interested in me, although, I suggested him only a friends with benefits relationship. The following days he wrote to me as well, and we were planning some secret dates. However, at school we did not talk at all, but we skipped some classes together, and he seemed to have the same attitude towards me, a mix between relaxation and interest. Right after our last date I sent him a funny message on FB, but he didn't reply, so I stopped because I am afraid he lost his interest in our secret relationship, and I don't want to look like a freak (it felt like I was the only one starting a conversation - lately). I act normal around him, and sometimes he looks deeply and long into my eyes. It`s been 4 days since we last spoke and I believe he is somehow playing with me - this is fading away. What do you think?

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 19 months ago from Chicago

      @wte 4 days isn't something to panic over. If you're wanting a "friends with benefits relationship" it is likely to fizzle out. That kind of relation doesn't come with a sharp amount of commitment. It gives him the freedom to treat you with mixed signals and it be okay because it's under the guise of "friendship" and not a serious thing. People often don't reply to Facebook messages, emails, and texts. People are busy; it's been enough time that you can send something short. If you send a couple of messages and there's no reply, don't over think it. You've done your job to express your interest, and that's the real goal there.

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      Gina 18 months ago

      This guy and i just started texting.He always responds to my messages.But sometimes itll be two days..or two hours.i told him "woah two days thats different."

      He said why are you worried about the days lol,ive been busy with work.

      How are you?

      Its normal to react that way.Its two days!But hes always responding with questions to get to know me more,very supportive attitude.

      I went to an audition told him i froze and forgot my lines.he said no you were nervous you knew your lines.(sweet right?)

      Im just confused!Help

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 18 months ago from Chicago

      @Gina

      Even though a lot of dating guides say that there's about a 24 hour window for messages, it's okay if people go outside that. If there's back and forth messaging that's a good sign, whether as friends or more. He might not necessarily know what he wants yet, which may cause for a little delay. Don't get upset with him over this because that would confuse him and make him feel like he is being put on the spot. What happens in person is always more important than messages. Don't let your life be dictated by messaging. Keep your messages positive and upbeat. Keep up the confidence -- you're a knock out and everything is going to work out for you. Good luck and the very best to you.

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      nadia 18 months ago

      Hi i just started talking to this guy. We met online but didn't meet yet. We haven't spoken for more than a day. He replies late but wants to meet me this week. I told him I would like to chat for a little to get to know him before we meet and he said he has no problem with that and that I'm wonderful. And then when we continue the chatting he just reads the msg and doesn't reply. He also moved to durban for his job which cost him his girlfriend and he said it's been tough but they outgrew each other. I'm really confused as I am always meeting guys like this. Need some good advice when it comes to situations like this

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 18 months ago from Chicago

      @nadia

      Hi, Nadia. Did he have a girlfriend while he was talking to you? If so -- that is a definite red flag. Are you wanting him as a friend or more than a friend? It sounds like he may be busy if he just moved for a job. It can take awhile to transition into a new setting and work environment. Sometimes people read messages without answering them. In fact, this is grossly common. Usually, guys will pick up the ball if they want to spend time with you whether as a friend or more. It won't always feel like 100% of the initiating process is in your hands. I'd say don't focus on this one guy too much. He may be honestly busy. If you want to hangout with him, try being straight forward about it -- if you want to chat, be straight forward about it. Not pushy or mean, but just say what you'd like. That might be helpful. We as women tend to over think these things when guys might not be on the same page at all.

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      anony- 18 months ago

      I might what seemed like a cool guy on tinder recently, and since we've spoken the conversations have always been great, for example we would spend over 8 hrs straight on the phone talking. He not too long ago begun calling me bae and boo (jokingly of course). Soon after we met in person at my dorm because he needed a sleeping stop, and I wasn't very much worried being that I was a virgin and he seemed nice. Once he came over we cuddled because I've never done that before but things got heated... things transpired but i still remained a virgin. Afterwards we slept, he left and we remained communicating since. Obviously after that day he would be my bf so he came a week later for an hour because he was busy, similar actions transpired and he left again. later that week I guess he got busy, and I begun to have people in my ear telling me to hold off on communicating to see if he reaches out first, turns out that he didn't. Two days after I tried calling and got no response, immediately silently panicking. Over a span of 24 hrs I called 5 times and texted once. By the fifth call he texted saying he was busy and later explained to me that he thinks that we rushed into this and that he initially didn't want a relationship. I later agreed and asked what it was he wanted to do and hadn't received a reply in reference to that particular question. A few days later I texted hey, and replied within an hour and we've been talking for a day or two (hours apart) type of replies. I like him and I agree with him but I'm not sure what I should do or where i should stand.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 18 months ago from Chicago

      @anony-

      The problem with a lot of online dating is there a lot of people who are using it to hookup and simply that. It's really difficult to weed through it and find someone who actually wants a solid relationship, if that's what you are wanting. Generally, if a guy says he isn't looking for a relationship, he means it. You can keep chatting with him, but you might not want to latch onto him too much more and instead keep your options open. What do you believe is being a virgin? If that means something to you, consider what standards you want to have for yourself. Do you need to be in a committed relationship before you have sex? Or do you need something even more committed (like being engaged or married)? You take on new responsibilities when you become sexually active, such as getting birth control, i.e. Healthy relationships often start with exploring your emotions, thoughts, etc. If you've just started college, you may only know so much about yourself. There's plenty, plenty of people you can potentially date, so you don't need to rush into anything. You get to decide your own timing; no one else does. This guy here sounds like he only wants one thing: your body. If he keeps talking to you and you don't give him what you've got, he might be genuine. There's no definite way to define a relationship until both people agree that they are in a relationship verbally. Never assume a kiss or more means you are in a relationship.

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      Lux 16 months ago

      Hi, i've known a guy online for 7 months. I never meet him outside. I usually text him first, i text him many times a day. But him, he just reply in a short answer and sometimes not reply . When i ask him if he wants to meet me, he said he really wants, but in fact he can't. He always busy, he works and read the books after working, and he write the acticles too. I used to ask him if he like me or not, he told me he likes me but i don't understand why he text back in a short answer or not reply me when i text him.

      As i mentioned above, does he actually like me or just cheat me? thanks :)

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 16 months ago from Chicago

      @Lux

      Not sure from this information if any cheating is involved. I think what's most important is for you to ask yourself what are your needs. If he isn't communicating the way you desire, that could be a problem. He may very well like you and be busy. But if a guy really, really wants a woman -- being busy isn't an issue. I think he's lukewarm with you and is focusing more on his ambitions. I wouldn't focus on this guy too much at this point, but try talking with other guys who might get your needs better.

      -best of luck!

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      nikki 15 months ago

      I've known this guy for close to 2 years now, and we've recently cushy up with each other through text. I'm very confused because there are days where he will initiate a conversation (rarely) and other times where we don't talk for a week. I want to text him first of course but I want to see if he will come back to me. Also, he can be very rude sometimes, and I can't tell if he's joking because he always continues the conversation, he doesn't just cut me off.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 15 months ago from Chicago

      @nikki

      Sounds shaky. If he sounds rude to you, why are you continuing the conversation? Not talking for a week is okay sometimes -- but there should be somedays where it is noticeable that you are talking a lot. A guy who likes you will compliment you, try to hang out with you, and do what he can to spend time with you because he likes the connection. If the conversations are not leaning toward what you can do in person, it may just be meaningless banter... and if he is being rude, that sounds more buddy like, unless he is seriously bad at reading you and flirting.

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      Sarah 14 months ago

      I met this guy online, he has his kids full time and I hear from him daily but short sweet txts... we've gone out 2 times to dinner and he's joined me at a friend's party fit in well with them... but he seems to be very quiet with me... thus far I've seen him every 4-5 days and today would be the next 5 day rule... but even though he mentioned usually after the 3rd date he introduces his children... he wants me to come over after they are in bed... ok we've hung out 4 different times and I'm wondering if I gave in to quickly to him sexually... when he said come over after they go to bed because his sister isn't feeling well and can't watch kids tonight... I asked what are we doing here... he replied how about I call u tonight, we both have a really long weekend coming with our kids... I'm heading out of town, and he has to work... just wondering if he's really into meach or should I tell him I want to date other guys, because he obviously doesn't want to make time for me... today he had off, knows I can take a lunch from work and never bothered to tell me he had it off... when I inquired he commented he just bought lunch for his sister because she does so much for him with watching kids etc... I said that was nice and to have a great day... now not a word?? Uggg so confused

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @Sarah

      How long have you known this guy? Once a week seeing someone isn't bad. Don't know if you should drop the guy. Be honest about what you want, and relax. If you want to date other guys -- do. Doesn't sound like commitment is on the table yet. Talk to him openly.

      AND RELAX.

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      Sarah 14 months ago

      Well I had asked last week and he had said he isn't talking to others... just not used to guys like this lol... they usually won't leave me alone and smother me to death lol... just know I won't see him till next weekend now because I get my kids back for my week tomorrow... guess once every 2 weeks isn't bad either lol... I've been chatting with him a couple months started dating about a month ago

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @Sarah

      Sounds alright. Couldn't hurt to tell him you want to see him more.

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      Sarah 14 months ago

      So I talked to him last night... I was right .. he said he's attracted to me sexully his words because I'm gorgeous and hot... but something is missing... I told him well I guess I you're not willing to make time to get to know me, I shouldn't waste my time because I want more than that in a relationship... so done dating him

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      Sarah 14 months ago

      Well I was right... I talked to him last night... I asked him if he's even really into me... his words I'm sexually attracted to you because you're hot and gorgeous... but yes something is missing.... my reply was well if you'd actually take the time to spend with me and get to know me instead of avoiding doing things together... maybe you would... but since u don't want to take that time, there is no sense in me wasting my time... sucks because I really liked him... but story of my life guys who are into me I'm not and guys I'm into are not into me

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      Andrea Lawrence 14 months ago from Chicago

      @Sarah

      Good for you for calling it off. Finding someone is not an easy thing to do. But if you know when to call it quits, you'll be saving yourself some time.

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      Andrea Lawrence 13 months ago from Chicago

      @zen

      This guy you described is no good. They're playing you to get benefits. It's not going to turn into a real thing. Don't do things you're not interested in doing. Cut him off.

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      lyca 13 months ago

      There is a guy whom i know before but know i know his name.i chat him hi and he replied hello.after 5 hours ago he say hi to me and i reply a hello and he seen it but doesnt reply.i say to him"you say hi yo me but when i replied you do not answer"he told me that he will not do that again and i ask him if his message is for me or he is just wrong send .then he told me the message is for me but i cant see any message from him that he is interested to me.does he like me or he is just making fun of me.

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 13 months ago from Chicago

      @lyca

      This is literally nothing. You have nothing. I'm sorry.

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      @angela 11 months ago

      I had a bf and we've been going back and forth between in a realtionship and fwb, and it's super confusing now but from when I look at him and hang out with him it seems that he really loves me , but recently his texting style has been short and his responses are like 5hrs to respond and things feel weird and everything is confusing to me at this point, any advise ? Because I don't know what to do anymore

    • SerenityHalo profile image
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      Andrea Lawrence 11 months ago from Chicago

      @angela

      Relationships often have less texting frequency after awhile. If it's back and forth, you may want to ask yourself why that is happening. Do you want a solid relationship or do you just want to be friends? In person communication is more important than texting. You probably need to talk to him to establish what are your relationship goals. Do you both want to be in a relationship, do you want to just have fun??? This is more important to look into than what is happening with texting.

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      just wondering 9 months ago

      I met a guy the last two weeks of school (I'm from out of state). I've tried to keep the conversation going over text this summer with modest success -

    • profile image

      just wondering 9 months ago

      Sorry! That posted before I was done. I've tried to keep the conversation going over text, with modest success. I saw him a few weeks ago; he drove a few hours to meet me when I was passing through the area. I know we'd be hanging out one on one if we were in the same area. When he texts me we have good conversations, but not too deep. I feel like he isn't big on texting (he has a flip phone), but I kinda feel like if he liked me, he'd text me more. Is there any hope?!

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      Robbie 9 months ago

      I met this guy on line and gave him my number he text me two days after that. Things were going pretty good until Sunday night. I was at a friends house fell asleep friend ending up texting him and couple more people from my phone. He stop replying to my text so I told him I wouldn't text or call him no more because I don't have time for games. He replies back okay,because dude didn't know him let alone text him that was childish. Then I said wasn't going to call and text but i send a million messages and continuously do. That throws red flags to him. Then yesterday he replied I was still talking about it and he wanted to know what my problem was. So I am confused I am wondering if he is still interested or should I just move on. And yes we had made plans to see each other way before all that happened. But I didn't hear from him that night at all. The next morning he claimed he couldn't get a good reception and his head was hurting. Plus he had to be at work super early the following morning. I am really confused on how he feels since all that happened

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      Kris 9 months ago

      I've been texting this guy for like two weeks. He seems to really like me; we text all day, he tells me personal things about himself, he's very flirty & sweet. but when he FINALLY asked me out i of course said yes. he seemed really excited about it but after we discussed the details and got it all planned he stopped texting me its only been two days and the date is this friday. but should i be worried that he's seems to have lost interest in me now that he's kinda got me??

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      Andrea Lawrence 9 months ago from Chicago

      @just wondering

      It's possible he likes you; he might try to express that more in the future. Some people definitely are not big texters.

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      Kersty 8 months ago

      I met this guy two years ago we were housemates and we have been friends since. I always liked him more than a friend but never told him. I have been living in my own place in a different town to him for a year we have stayed in contact with text every so often and he tells me that he likes me and I have now told him that I like him too our conversations continue to be every so often which i am ok with but I don't know if he is really in to me as much as he has told me and im worried because I am falling in love with him i am trying not to but its not easy as i haven't felt this way about anyone the way that I feel for him but how do I know if he really means how he feels plz help

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      Andrea Lawrence 8 months ago from Chicago

      @Kersty

      You have to trust someone if they tell you they like you. People don't usually throw that around unless they are jerks, and I would imagine you know him well enough to know that. It's okay if you like him more than he does you, especially at the start. Just help things develop and grow, rather than focusing on who likes who more. If he is willing to talk and see where things go, you are in good shape.

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      LINA 8 months ago

      okay so me and this boy are classmates and I have liked him since first grade

      so we are now in sixth and I like him so I texted him. at first he would reply then he stopped. he would just read them. now I have realized that I text him too much so I have stopped. now I text him only one hi. and now he is always replying and joking. every hour he texts wanna chat.

      does this mean he has developed a crush on me or just wants to get to know me and be one of my good friends?

      looking forward to your reply.

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      Andrea Lawrence 8 months ago from Chicago

      @LINA

      This is a really early stage and very puppy love. Keep the conversation friendly, engaging, and don't come on too strong. You're in the sixth grade. Enjoy your time in school, and don't let any boy prevent you from doing well in school, no matter how cute he is. Do well in school, join clubs, and know that when you graduate high school you've set yourself up in a way that you have a lot of opportunities. This might be crazy, but don't rush into dating. Take your time. Love yourself. Dating starts to click more in your 20s. Make this a lovely relationship that you can depend upon in your life. Start making a good social network now. Be sweet, be kind, and remember that it's all going to go by fast -- so love and be kind to people around you. You'll make a difference by the conversations you have, and the way you treat people. Wisdom is a symptom of kindness. If I could tell my 12 year old self what to do, it would be have faith, encourage those who are sad, and if you're struggling in a class, get help. You can do math with the right teachers and tutors. The sky is the limit, love. You are important, even if you don't see that everyday.

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      Nathalia 7 months ago

      So, I met a guy online (the typical) and it's been 2 months since we started texting and all.

      But the thing is, since last week's Sunday when he asked me to date him again and I sent him my bra pic (we had dated before but I had told him it was better just be friends), he started texting less and less with me (but we still talk everyday) and yesterday I asked him why is he "so busy" as he says - and he said it's "nothing important" but he won't answer the question so better just drop it, and I didn't like that.

      I know he's very private and all but if he really "loves" me like he says he does and that cares about me, he'd tell me no matter what, right?? He knows he can tell me anything but looks like he doesn't trust me or something and I wish it was different.

      I don't know what to do anymore, what should I do??

      Please, help me!

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      ......... 7 months ago

      There is this guy that i really like but i don't know if he likes me back.

      We have been texting through instagram and at first he had made it clear telling my friend he wasnt into me.But through out the summer we texted like 8 times a month and a couple days ago i told him that i feel bad because i always started the text and i told him it was my fault but he assured me saying it wasnt and how we all deserve second chances but i then said i cant keep chasing after him the next they i was honest and told him i was going through stuff and it wasnt that i was mad at him that i sent those text and i asked if we could start over he said sure.but this is all over text and i want to get to know him and talk to him in reality but we have no classes toghter only by our locker but we dont talk we just gaze at each other. what do i do i really want to progress a relationship with this boy. and do u think he has feelings for me becuse he aways text in a caring manner?

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      Andrea Lawrence 7 months ago from Chicago

      I.... would.... say.... this is probably a mess. This sounds like a high school or junior high relationship, which I think is too young for this stuff anyway, as I'm an old hag. I think you should concentrate on school and your own interests, and if this boy becomes available and interested in you, he won't lose you. But really -- you have a lot of life ahead of you. And I know that's not the most wonderful thing to hear right now. But he's probably too young to make sense with and needs to figure out himself. Dating makes a lot more sense as you get older.

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      Andrea Lawrence 7 months ago from Chicago

      You should drop the texting. You're putting too much emphasis on texting, and if he isn't keeping up it'll just get weirder and more messed up. You need in person contact, FaceTime, something else. It's difficult to evaluate guys by their texting methods, but some are just not into it. You can't force him to like you. Just show him positivity.

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      Asiangirl 7 months ago

      so im an asian and I met an american guy online. We chat but not that much as thw first time was we are about to get some sleep. The next day we talk about why we hooked up with online dating and it seems that he wants to settle down. We are both 29, and I really like him but im kinda afraid because im an asian and he's not, not sure if american guy has a problem with that, and for the long distance that we have. When I talked to him using the online dating site he said that "No more online dating talk pls, you're better than that" he just said that we used facebook messenger instead. Im just wondering how will I know if he's into me? He's busy right now from work, I totally undertand and I don't bombard him with messages. I just simply text "Hope you have a great day today. Goodnight" He always reply but also says he have to go do some work again. So basically we havent talked that much and not that intimate so I dont know where I stand.

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      @Sorchia

      This guy sounds terrible. I think you shouldn't care whether he responds to you or not.

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      @asiangirl

      This sounds like it could be sketchy. I don't think your being Asian matters in this. I think this guy might not be fully interested.

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      @DiscreteGal 6 months ago

      I was wondering if you could help.

      I really like this guy but am unsure if he likes me back. We've been talking for a year now and he rarely texts first. I've always been the one to initiate the conversations but when we get a convo going he seems interested.

      Just the other day I texted him, I care about him more than he thinks and I'll always be there for him. He responded with, "I'll always be there for you too as long as you want me there."

      Is this implying that he wouldn't care if I decided to stop texting him and walk out of his life or am I over analyzing the situation?

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      Fabgirl 6 months ago

      Hi I was wondering if you could

      Help. I recently met a guy on tinder about two months ago. Things have been going well and we have been texting in paragraphs over these two months with flirting and emoticons. All of sudden last week he hasn't replied to my last text message. Which is unusual for him because he replies to my text within 3 days because he works long hours 4am to 10pm so I never worry due to the amount of thought that goes into each text. Since last week I have checked in four times. I have yet to hear back and I am starting to think I never will. Can you help me out? Am I overreacting? And did I mess things up by checking in?

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      If you have set the stage that you'll be the on initiating texts.... that's most likely how things will stand.

      If you are wanting him to initiate more, let him know you like guys who initiate, and you also on a separate note (in a different discussion) like to receive texts from him. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel like he is thinking about you throughout his day.

      The text he sent you -- there is nothing wrong with it. He likes you, he wants to confirm it. He is saying that as long as you have a spot there for him, he'll be there, but he isn't being clingy either -- if you told him you no longer wanted him, he would respect that. This is all good. Don't look for negativity here. It's all positive.

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      You didn't mess things up by checking in. I don't think this is one you, though I don't have your text messages to read. What did your first text message say that received no response? I hope he communicates with you. Do you guys only talk through text? Have you guys ever met in person? If you don't get a response after awhile he could be ghosting you.

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      Fabgirl 6 months ago

      His last message to me was asking me what my weekend plans were and talking about me settling into my apartment. I simply responded to him telling him what I had planned and an update on my move. Nothing bad happened between us. It's been almost two weeks. Maybe he is ghosting me? Or maybe I came off needy from checking in a few times since especially with the recent weather conditions. Today I texted him and asked him to be upfront and honest if he is longer interested.

      In my past relationship I allowed my ex to come and in out of my life and ghost me and ignore me so often that I am wounded from it. How should I move forward?

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      Fabgirl 6 months ago

      And as of right now our only form of communication is texting. We have been flirting a lot and bring up seeing each other in person. He asked to bring a housewarming gift. Wants to go on a tour of the east coast with me etc.

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      Has he texted you back yet? It's really hard to keep a purely texting conversation kind of relationship alive without it turning into ghosting. It helps to meet people in person and have them in parts of your life we you consistently see each other -- hobbies, work, church, school, those kind of things create a connection that makes it harder to ghost. You need a guy who has a consistent connection with you, and doesn't make you feel it is going off and on. That's not cool on his part. I think your instincts are right on what is happening. I hope he contacts you back.

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      Wendy Simone 6 months ago

      Hi,

      I am wondering if you could tell in via a guys point of view what dos it mean when after you had sex with a for the second time , the first time was rushed and fast and unexpected after our meeting for a drink , and than made a second time to hook up and I spent the night and than after I left his place in the morning we kissed and wave good bye , I texted him saing thank you and a kiss emj and he sent back in text this " it was lonley and a smile emj" so we are both in our late 40's so what does that mean is he saying that he doesn't want to see me again?

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      Georgia 6 months ago

      Hi,

      I met a guy a month ago, he's been messaging first every day for the last month. We've met up a few times and been at the same event which he bought me and my friends drinks and stayed quiet close to me, I like him but the only problem is that me and his friend had a little thing not too long ago (we only kissed) and I'm not sure what he's about.. yes he's messages me every day even early mornings and we continue to talk till the night time but sometimes he messages me with not much conversation! Like hi, you ok? And If I respond and say "I'm good thanks, just getting ready for work" he will respond with "nice" and that's it, he sometimes doesn't make effort to make conversation, even though he's the one messaging me first lol I'm just really confused as to what this guy really wants or does he actually like me? Cause am starting to like him but just not sure as to what he's about

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      Conversations in person are more important than text. He probably likes you, but not every text conversation will be too extensive. Texting is more for meeting up and helping direct the connection you have.

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      Did he mean lonely or lovely? You should just ask him. You guys are in your 40s. Put everything out in the open.

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      suellen 6 months ago

      Ive been seeing this much younger man now for 5 weeks. Im 59 he's 28. He went away to visit his family 2 hrs from me and took him 3 days to text. This was after an obvious connection between us. I texted him first wondering what was going on...his texts were robotic, different from him in person. I stuck to my guns. If it took him 12 hours to reply with a text then Id take even longer. He came back for a few days. Now he's gone again working out of state for 5 weeks. I did talk to him and told him how I felt about his texting. He texted me pretty quick this time, but still ...if you read his texts you would think he isnt that in to me. He told me he loved me and I feel the same way. Am i placing too much emphasis on his texting? He told me he sucked at it but he'd try to improve on it...I dunno

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 months ago from Chicago

      Yes, too much emphasis on text. Don't worry so much about response time. This is going to be tough with the age gap. Try to connect in person if possible.

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      Anshuma yadav 5 months ago

      I met a guy 20 days back in his college during fest. He is a very serious,responsible and hardworking guy. We started talking the same day we met. Daily i used to text him in the morning saying "good morning" because he used to wake up late. His replies are always late i mean he do reply bt after 10 minutes 20 minutes even more than that. Then we hanged out aftr almost 15 days and we ate, talked about our likes dislikes . He is a sweet guy. He held my hand while crossing the road. In metro he again held my held so that i did nt get lost. N finally we had a sweet hug. And now he doesn't even wish me good night or good morning. I like him and want to share everything with him. Is he into me?

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      Andrea Lawrence 5 months ago from Chicago

      Keep interacting with him and keep it positive. It doesn't matter how slow or fast someone is to responding to text messages if they are responding. 10-20 minutes is really good response time. Holding your hand is a good sign. Not everybody says good morning or good night in texts. Don't be looking for love in the wrong spots, accept what is there and feel from there.

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      Ellie 5 months ago

      Last week one of my best friends went and told the guy who likes me that I didn't like him in a harsh way. Now he seems very sad. What should I do?

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      Andrea Lawrence 5 months ago from Chicago

      Go talk to him. Immediately. Break the ice. Be friendly if you care. Write a letter if it's too awkward to talk.

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      Kendra 5 months ago

      So I met this guy on a dating app called "Just Say Hi", and you basically just look at faces, cause there's no profile, and either like someone or send them a "Hi"or you can do both. I got a like and Hi from him and so I sent a "hi" back which opened up the messaging system on there. So he said I was cute and I flirt back and we talked for good minute, hes from north carolina and im from south carolina and I eventually asked what he was looking for on this site. In myself was looking for a boyfriend. He said he would really like a girlfriend but he's just looking for company right now because he's possibly moving out of state and didn't want to get anyone attached just to leave. So I told him I wouldn't mind keeping him company, and we exchanged facebooks. We found we had a lot in common and he even mentioned it seemed like we were meant to be together and I told him if it happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't. And so we've been communicating for a week straight now and even video chatted once. The problem is I ALWAYS initiate our conversations. He responds quickly and is flirty and tries to keep the convo going, but he never starts it. Why? If it's just company there's no harm in initiating right? Also he says he a really shy guy so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. Your honest opinion would be great thanks :)

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      You are the initiator. He probably won't initiate unless you tell him that's what you want, and he might not do it still because maybe he wants someone who initiates. And you should take him for his word about company. He might just be chatting so he doesn't feel lonely. If he is moving soon, he doesn't have a stable ground to work with here for a relationship or commitment. Now for most women, they want an initiator, so you'll have to ask yourself if that's what you want, or if you're wanting someone to meet you in the middle. If you're looking for a relationship, try putting yourself into the real world and go off dating apps. It's far easier to read connections in person than online. Better odds for you. Less creeps to sift through. Get involved in something you are passionate about and eventually someone will come your way. It might take awhile, but I know of far more successful relationships coming out of the real world than I do from dating apps. Dating apps are more about shortcuts, convenience, and hookups. It's the wild west. You deserve something better than the wild west. You deserve a high quality partner who wants to romance and pamper you like a queen.

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      jessee 4 months ago

      Hello. SO I have been friends with a certain guy for about a year now. We are in the same grade at school, and I have a class with him. His locker is also next to mine, so we see each other throughout the day. Anyways, recently I have developed feelings for him. He is not a flirty type o f guy, and has never really acted on his feelings, (when he has a crush he sometimes tells his friends but never dates them). Anyways, we started texting about three months ago. Occasionally he will text me first, and occasionally I will text him first. We have a youth group at our school every wednesday, and he normally asks if I'm going. Normally he goes. I feel like he's a friendly person to everyone in general, but I just want to try to see if he has feelings for me. When we text, If I don't respond within around 7 minutes, he will normally double text. He says,"how are you" a lot and "how was your day?" And I have heard if he says "how are you" that could mean he likes you. But It's strange. If the conversation dies, and I'm not planning on responding, he will double text, and for some reason, I aways seem to be the last one to text. (I never double text). He also is a wrestler. The other day we were talking and he asked if I was planning on coming to the wrestling matches. Told him I wasn't sure yet, and then he said that I should come watch. There are other things he does that make me wonder if he is attracted to me. But then i remind myself that maybe he's just a friendly person. But, might I remind you, he's not much of a flirt at all, but he's very sweet. Any thoughts?

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      Jessee 4 months ago

      Also, we both hunt, and have many conversations about hunting. It's not awkward for me to talk to him because we are such good friends. thanks again :)

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      He probably adores that you both hunt. It's not easy to find a girl who does. What you need to do is go hang out with him outside of school, not put so much pressure on things. Try inviting him to something and spending time with him. Don't get too caught up in how he is texting you -- consistent communication is a good thing no matter what. Keep things positive no matter what. Your attitude into it makes a big difference. One way or another, it sounds like you have a good person in your life. Keep being a good friend to him -- this often opens up the door to a romance.

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      MS 4 months ago

      So there's this guy I like and I'm not sure he likes me or not. Through text if I send him something that my friends said about us then he would say something like "it's offical were dating lol". Some days he only texts me at 10 thought 1 in the morning, and some days he completely ignores my texts but he sees them. Sometimes he sends pictures of himself and says that it's so cringey, or I might ask why he saves every photo of me that I send to him,every time he says " cuz I'm a stalker lololol". Then he might not texts me for several days after we talk for idk maybe some of the day and like I said 10 to 1. He plays pranks on me and we roast each other and we're just bomb asf friends as it is but I really want to move it a step further I don't want to lose the friendship we have has it is.maybe should I wait till he texts me first. I'm usually the one who always has to start a conversation.

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      Sounds like you have been the one initiating this relationship. Most relationships have one initiator, not two. He might not be taking the lead because you already are, if it really means something for you to have the man be the initiator, you'll have to tell him somehow. If you don't care, then you'll be the one to help push the momentum along in the relationship. As for not rushing and taking things slow, that's a good thing. Haste makes waste, so don't just drop this or try to speed into a relationship. Take your time with it. Like taking care of a seed and helping water it into something more. Sounds like you have a nice connection here, so don't panic about it. This sounds like a nice guy so far -- at least what you have here -- so enjoy what you have. And if you met on Tinder -- do you know if he is dating others? Is he in fact single? Do you have all the key information you need?

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      If you're initiating the conversations, you are most likely the initiator in the relationship. There are ways to change that if you really would prefer him to do that, or have a guy who does. This sounds like a very young budding romance. It's more important to see how people are in person than what they text. Also, be careful what you text, especially when it comes to pictures. I say keep spending time with him more and more consistently and things will naturally fall into place.

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      Beez 4 months ago

      I have been texting with this guy who lives about 3 hours away for about a month and a half. He would text me good morning texts and we would rarely go but 3 days without talking and flirting. Out of nowhere he just stopped responding to me. It was almost like he dropped off the planet. When he finally did respond he made up some work excuse. A few days pass with no word and then suddenly he asks me what I'm doing. So I responded and he sent me another casual text. I asked how his weekend was and bam...we were back at the ignoring stage again. I rack my brain as to what I could've possibly done to make him lose interest. I wasn't clingy or blowing up his phone. Maybe there's another woman he's more interested in? I don't know. If there is, why would he even bother texting me twice today? To string me along? Ugh this is so frustrating but it consumes my thoughts. I keep asking myself what I did wrong.

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      Long distance communicating is really tough. Especially when you don't have a relationship already in place. I see no harm in continuing the conversation, but if you are wanting something more, someone will have to invest in it more one way or another -- probably see each other in person. It's a casual investment right now, so that's what you'll get.

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      Unknown8 4 months ago

      I like this guy alot. The biggest issue we have is distance. I just need help to figure out what to do.This guy tells me how he feels and tells me how he would give us a try if we weren't so far from each other. (He doesn't do long distance relationships bc how terrible they are) He tells me his feelings when he is drunk tho. (People say that you tell the truth when Ur drunk, right?). And the other night we had this amazing call. (It was our first one) and I thought it went really really well and amazing. I think I'm getting really really attached to him and I love him I do. The other day I even bought a body pillow and it kinda helps bc it's like my go to comfort now for when I really do miss him. There's a couple issues tho.

      One, he doesn't text alot. Like if I text a paragraph lately I get a couple words. Granted I do usually ask him how he is doing and stuff first. There's just too much to say and I have a limit. Can you help me?

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      katherine 4 months ago

      I have this boy at school, and I never realized him till the middle of the school year, that he started asking me who I was infatuated with, what was my favorite color, etc. And I thought to myself, maybe he liked me. And coming forth this year, we were talking, but we had a fight over text and now we rarely talk to each other. Idk if he's trying to get my attention,

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      Sarah 4 months ago

      I met a guy at work about a week ago. We hit it off immediately, the connection was great n we got close so quik. He took my number an we started texting, over the weekend he would tell me how he misses me n how i make him feel. Mon we agreed to meet up n then he had to leave after 15 mins. That night he texted n called n sed tomo we can something n starts talking bout sexual stuff. Larfed it off. Tue morning all of sudden he cnt make it bcz he forgot he has to meet his best friend. It still doesnt make sense. Was i just gna be a hook up? Its hard to believe bcz the way he was describing his flng for me i was feeling the same. After sending him bit of an annoyed text now no response.

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      Bella 4 months ago

      I wish it was that simple. I've known this guy for five years now. This guy used to to text me all the time, flirt and we would talk about everything and anything everyday. I told him I like him and he rejected me. We haven;t talked to each other since then

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      How long ago did you two stop talking to each other? Do you think he stopped talking to you out of shock or because things became awkward?

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      This is too much happening too fast in a week. Get to know him more at work and understand his character better. Don't jump into bed too fast -- especially with coworkers. It can make things complicated and not work out.

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      Why did you guys have a fight? How long ago was it?

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      How did you two meet, how long have you two known each other, how many miles is this for long distance? Women tend to out text men. Men responses often are short. Often, not always.

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 months ago from Chicago

      You two are a hot mess. :)

      You two need to decide what you want with each other, whether it is friendship or a relationship. And don't dance in between the two because it is confusing the two of you. He has definitely liked you in the past, and probably still does. He did the right thing by not doing anything to you when you were drunk, because if you are not in a clear mind and he has sex with you, that can be seen as rape. So... good call on his part. What the two of you need is to have a little bit more maturity and wisdom. If you're wanting a long term relationship, you'll need to think about your long term goals and what consequences have happened since the two of you have known each other so you can know what to expect in the future. He isn't your only option on this planet. I think you two have grown and forgiven each other from different circumstances. You don't have a one-sided friendship. You have designated yourself as the initiator and once you do that with a man, he will expect you to initiate for calls and the like. If you want him to initiate more whether as friends or more, you have to flat out say that. I think you two have known each other long enough and been through enough that you can sit down and talk with him comfortably about what exactly the two of you are.

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      Alyssa 4 months ago

      It seems like my boyfriend doesn't love me. It is awkward when we are together. Also, we having nothing to talk about. We haven't kissed and it has already been three months. Every time I ask him if he does want to kiss he makes excuses why we can't. What do I do?

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      Djs 4 months ago

      I met someone on a dating site and we emailed, texted, etc off and on for 3 days....He said he couldn' t talk on the phone because he was sick, but I asked him to leave a message ( so I could tell if he was a scammer ) He did leave a brief one and his voice sounded fine. He texted me first thing in the morning and last thing at night......and then he just suddenly disappeared....I have no idea why he stopped....I did check out his Facebook and googled him and he is who he said he is......I haven't contacted him.....any ideas?

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      A.. 3 months ago

      So I am a 16 year old and the guy I like is 18 and he has been busy lately everything went well and We never dated but he got jealous another guy has my ''booty pic'' so i sent them to him we skyped the same day and after a while he got silenter and he tells me he likes me and to stop worrying and everything else but It's hard really because he askes for more pics not anything else other then butt but he talks to me sometimes and sometiems he flat out ignores me but he also gets lovey with me and now he said I don't know weather i want to keep trying for u or not after we got in a argument. And I blamed him for playing with my emotions please please answer this i need to know if he likes me and If you could tell me... How can I get him to keep me

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Well, it sounds like he likes your pictures. If there's any advice I would give, try communicating with him outside the phone, don't send pictures of your body, and figure out where you guys have common ground. Relationships, interests, and the like work way better outside of technology. You can tell a lot better when you interact in person whether or not it's something you want. He's a teenager... so if you're only fueling him with pictures, he is only going to want one thing... and not a relationship or your feelings.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      You need to be going out into the real world to make real world connections. Dating sites, apps, emails leave too much room for people to ghost you. People are relying too much on these new methods, and it's biting them in the butt. You'll develop more social skills and charisma by interacting with people out of technology. Get involved in your interests, take up dancing classes, go to events that mean something to you -- you'll find a group that clicks with you. Technology often creates weak or shallow connections, unfortunately.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      How old are the two of you? Does he want to delay the kiss because it means something to him? Has he ever kissed someone? Is this your first relationship?

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      April 3 months ago

      Hi,

      I've been talking to This guy for almost 3 weeks now. We've been on 2 dates so far that we're wonderful. But I'm concerned because he doesn't flirt with me? Nor does he say compliments. Like we hold hands, kiss, and talk all throughout the day (everyday). He's a quiet guy sometimes. But I'm just worried about how he doesn't flirt may affect how he feels about me and where he wants to take "us". Am I just paranoid? Or is this something I should be worried about?

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      It's only been 3 weeks. This isn't a very long time. Tell him you like compliments. Don't stress out too much. I'm not sure how he isn't flirting with you if you guys are holding hands and kissing.

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      3 months ago

      I met this guy last year and we got kinda close then he moved back to Africa he ended up coming back a few months ago and when I saw him we made plans to hang out and we did next thing you know we go on a road trip together then hang out at least once a week but since the road trip he started talking about his ex and said he wants to be the bigger man and not block her but he keeps telling her he is done but she doesn't stop texting him and he doesn't stop texting her (all about him not wanting to be together anymore) but when we are together is the only time she seems to text him... it's like she knows I'm around.. when we were together last time it was because he was staying over my house for 3 days when he was here we were super close and he even straightened my hair. He also lifted me up to get a balloon (you had to be there) and he taught me how to swing dance. He was at my house for my sisters birthday party and we played an game where we had to pass an orange from neck to neck and he would hold my back when it was our turn. He also really likes to sit by me and follow me around my house (in a cute way) and he even places my stuff next to his so we end up sitting together. He would even be my partner for all games we play. I asked if I can stay at his place in the city because I have to be in for work on Monday but I told him we are coming out Friday and I asked if I can stay until Monday and he said of course! The only problem is I really like him and everyone thinks he likes me but he barely ever texts me.. what do you think I should do??

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      Maria 3 months ago

      Hello

      So i have been texting with this guy i met in tinder for a little bit over a month. Went out 2 times there was hugging and kissing in both dates. We have similar things that have happen in previous relationships. We share similar ideas of what we want in the future. But latelly i feel like im bugging him with my texts. He doest reply right away as he used to sometimes the next day or he reads the text and never replies he says his working but at the samrtime i see his online in fb. Today i se nt him a picture of me and he replies cool. Asked him for one and he did sent it. He said he was working on his car. Later i said good night and no responce. Advice please im being to pushy or his not interested.

      Thank you!!!

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      How is communication outside of texting? That communication is more important. He might not be a good texter. You might be putting too much pressure on texting. To test the waters you should see if he wants to spend time in person. The hard part about dating apps, is getting over the hurdle of getting more in person communication. A lot of dating apps struggle to get people connected because the connection is somewhat artificial. It is very easy to ghost someone in these situations, so if this does not work out, I strongly suggest looking toward meeting people in person and going out into your town or city to find them. He responses don't sound the greatest. But there could be more to the story. Tell him you would like to see him, you like his company, and some sort of compliment in relation to him.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Keep an eye on his interactions with his ex. Sounds like he likes you. I think you should go for it, unless you're getting some strong vibes out of the ex situation. Have you told him how you feel about his ex? He may need to hear you say that it's bothering you. I think you two need to talk more to figure out where you are going. If he wants you around and at his place, this seems like a positive sign. Texting is not the only factor in a relationship. Some people text more than others. What is most important is your in person communication. Study that. If you want better texting with your partner, you should let him know what you like.

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      Lily 3 months ago

      So this guy added me on Facebook and started talking to me. We both went to the same college but we had never met. We talked through Facebook until he asked for my number. We have been texting ever since. He texts me every single day and we talk back and forth for hours. We haven't met because week 1, I was really sick. Week 2, I was away for christmas. and now week 3, he is on vacation with his family.

      He texted all while I was sick, all throughout the holidays, even on Christmas Day and New Years Eve. And now he has been texting me and sending me pictures on his vacation. I wasn't expecting this. He flirts with me a lot and we laugh and joke around. He seems nice, cute(from his pictures) and smart.

      We tried to make plans before his vacation, but it was too rushed and he had to re-schedule. I'm hoping to finally meet him in person when he gets back. The only issue I have with him is that in two weeks he is heading back to graduate school 5 hours(driving) from here. He is only here for winter break, because his family lives here.

      He seems really into me. My friends all agree. He spent one whole evening texting me while he was at a guys night poker game. What guy does that if he isn't interested?

      I'm just afraid with him leaving and all. I'm starting to really like him. Then he tells me all summer long that he plays on a traveling soccer team. One game every day in a different place. He's gone for three months. He seems like a great guy, but its a stinky situation.

      I guess I'm confused as to why he texts me so much, hints to can't waiting to meet me, and seems very interested, when he's leaving for school? BTW, I'm 25 and he's 27.

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      annie 3 months ago

      I met this guy online. We've been talking for 6 months almost everyday. We flirt constantly and at times call each other babe and baby. Even though it's cute, I'm still not sure if his 100% interested. Another problem is that we havnt met yet in person. He comes from another country and he had to go back due to problems with his visa and he is planning to come back. I really like him but I question should I expect him to come back and be a something or has this gone on for too long? Should I continue until he comes back?Help!!

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Do you have something more significant that's happened than calling each other babe?

      I would say you should not jump to conclusions on this and don't have enough information to fall in love here. Visa issues and never having met in person are not great signs.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      How did this guy find you? Why did he add you on Facebook? Before getting crazy over this guy, you need to know what your connection is like in person. It's hard to tell what is really happening without this. At this time, it seems like harmless talking. He might not have to commit to anything if he is going to be out of town and away for the summer. I wouldn't get too excited about this. I would ask why he added you, if it was randomly. I do not recommend adding people on Facebook you have never met. This is usually not a great sign. He could be texting 18 other women. He may have added you because he was bored and wanted to see where it goes. This is why it's important to meet in person. You can tell if the person is focused on you, a monogamous seeker, or a total creep. I hope this guy is legit, but do take some caution before getting too emotionally attached.

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      Tammy 3 months ago

      Hello there! I've read all of your comments and I wish you could help me figure out some things too.

      I've recently met a guy, my classmate. We did study toghether for a year or so but it was not until some weeks that we really had our things going.

      He started to sit next to me, talk to me, and we sparked some chemistry.

      He texts me once in a while, but not often because he said he likes face-to-face convos.

      He asks me about my life, and all sorts of things, but didn't have the whole courage to ask my number.

      He always alludes to marrying me, moving with him, but we aren't in any type of relationship, just good friends.

      He often tells me to visit him, but I kinda oppose to all of these, because he hesitates to make a step, even a tiny kiss.

      Is this something I can expect more of, or not?

      Thank you so much!

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Focus on what is positive and what is going well. People kiss at different times, and that's okay. Don't make that a bigger issue than necessary. Sounds like you two need to spend more time together and whatever connection it is... it will unfold in time. Sounds like a nice guy. Definitely worth your time.

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      Tammy 3 months ago

      Thank you sooo much! Will follow your advice :)

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      Miss him sometime 3 months ago

      I met this guy on tinder when I was traveling in his city. We are both under 26. In my profile I made it very clear I just wanted to meet more people, not there for sex. He understood that and he had no problem, we just had some brief conversation, he was very friendly and cute, doing university for what he likes. We thought each other was interesting and decided we should meet up before I left, even if our schedule didn't match. So finally we found two hours to meet for a coffee before he had to meet his friend.

      First I didn't like him that way. He was a bit shy but very cute and polite. But as we talked, I found him a really cool person. I asked him what he is looking for on tinder he said he actually is looking for something serious, but it's hard because he travels a lot. He went several years without a long term girlfriend, but had a couple of very short relationships, which ended because he travelled and they couldn't remain it. He said used to be anxious about not having a serious girlfriend, but now he isn't because he knows he just didn't meet the right girl. And that he would go out of the country for two months again soon so it's even harder.

      I was thinking I really wanted to kiss this guy even if I knew there wouldn't be any future with him at least at this moment,?because he is really cool and so my type, and also I thought the type of girls he likes matches me. So when we hugged goodbye we just kissed (not sure who initiated but we just did) then he asked me if he should text me after he met his friend I said yes.

      When we met again that night he hugged me tight and we talked at a bar for a while. I teased him and he was a bit shy. Then on our way home I decided to take him to my place, but told him I was on period if he didn't mind. He said he didn't mind and kept smiling and holding my hand and stopped sometimes to kiss me.

      We had lots of useless conversations but whatever we talked about I just enjoyed it so much. That evening ended up with lots of make out and lots of talk. We told a lot about ourselves and I told him my most stupid dating experience (which was really shameful). He would tell me he liked my body and smell, and that I am his type of girl, and that I am his first ONS but he still wants to see me again. He would hug me all the time and told me he can't fall asleep that way but he enjoys it a lot. I told him straight away that if I live in his city I will want to date him, he responded positively. And I told him for me it's hard to find someone even if I know there might not be any future with, I would not regret to sleep with, he said same for him. Never had this feeling so fast with someone before, thought I was crazy.. but he really gave me the feeling that he liked me just as I liked him.

      I didn't expect to see him again actually (I just wanted to enjoy every moment with him). he said that it's funny that we don't know when we will see each other again... I didn't respond because I felt sad. Then he asked if I had time before I left. I said tomorrow and he thought a while telling me he had ti sign a contract with his landlord in the morning and in the afternoon he needed to help his friend moving, but he would would text me in the morning after the contract to see me. Before he left, he turned back and kissed me for a while, looked into my eyes with smiles, telling me I hope to see you tomorrow, and waited until I said the same back to him then he left.

      Whole day he was with his friend, we didn't text, I missed him a bit, and the next day I waited until half past ten and couldn't wait anymore so I texted to ask if he had time to meet me. He told me in half an hour that he is sad that he can't see me because he had to help his friend so wouldn't have time for me but he is sure we will meet in the future. I was a bit angry because he promised he would text me but he didn't, and because I thought he actually had time he just didn't want to see me... I am normally not clingy at all, very independent, but that was the only chance we could see each other again. He knew I would leave in two days but he didn't offer to ask if I had time to see him again in the following two days. I then asked him if he still needed to help his friend at evening otherwise I can meet him in evening he said he would let me know. At like 7pm he texted me he wouldn't be able to make it. I was a bit hurt because I didnt mind if he doesn't want to see me again but he brought it up which gave me expectation then he blew it. That really hurt... but I didn't show him I was hurt or angry. I just texted back that it was a pity not being able to really say goodbye but it was a nice memory with him, and that it wasn't all about sex for me because I like him as a person. He replied same for him and that He enjoyed my company a lot. Now he has a reason to visit my city. But I feel like he is just being polite because if he really wants to see me he can just make a hell of one minute to say goodbye in person.. the day I left he texted to wish me a nice last day in his city and tried to make a small conversation. I replied friendly.

      When I was back in my country I decided to keep in touch with him just as friends, cuz who knows what happens in the future. But even thought he replied to my friendly text, he didn't make the conversation flow. I tried several times he just didn't show interest in continuing the conversation. Last time I wished him happy new year he said happy new year hope to see you next year. I still feel like he is just being polite.. tho I know there won't be anything in near future with him so I don't know what the hell I am caring about... its been just a month before... I tried dating some other guys but every time I see another guy I start comparing and then think no he is not as cute as that guy. I dated several guys before, never had such strong feeling so soon... am I just being stupid fallin in lust in a ONS? Nearly all my friends laugh at me thinking I am naive... but I just can't control myself... and... is he also into me? Or he actually just saw me as a ONS and then didn't want to be an A-hole (I judge a-hole when I was with him) so he kept telling me he wanted to see me again but didn't really take action... now I am not even sure if I have chance to go to the city again should I contact him asking to see him again... don't want to be stupid... sorry for the long text but I wanted to share the whole story :)

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      Miss him sometime 3 months ago

      Btw we didn't have any sex because of my period.. he was caring and nice so didn't attempt or push... just made out a lot

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      I don't know if this helps any, but I don't consider making out a one night stand. And that may be some comfort to you, because if you had sex you may be having more adverse emotions to this situation. This guy knew he didn't have a lot of time, and he still is going around trying to make a girlfriend. I think he is an emotional player. He may have had a lot on his plate, but he was aware of how you were feeling. He gets what he wants, then he leaves. Relationships take time, so yes, you did have a lot of lust at the beginning -- lust is very powerful, comforting even. Calling it "lust" doesn't make it any less. Lust and libido are natural, but we have to think long term about consequences, about shaping things into relationships, and ultimately moving that energy into love which is more accepting and interested in the whole self regardless of flaw. If this guy isn't even carrying on some amount of texting or connection, then drop him and don't worry about him anymore. He doesn't care.

      BUT if he is willing to text you, then try being conversational and see where it goes. You need more information from him to see what kind of person he is. You've only known him for a short while so you are not getting a very complete answer.

      Dating through Tinder and other apps often leads to these problems. People are often seeing several people at once through these, and they don't always feel they need to be honest because they can ghost you, they don't have a similar social network with you -- so there's a lot of normal elements you would find in the real world that are no longer there to be protective for you in the digital one. I always encourage people to drop the dating apps and start getting into the real world to find a good partner. The best way to do it: follow your interests. The more you get into a career, the more you push for a new hobby, the more you put yourself out into places you naturally have a liking -- the more likely you'll find someone with similar interests. Try rock climbing, dancing, go to music shows, go to religious organizations, ride bikes with people, play board games. Get socially connected and you'll find a mate with a lot more ease. Go get yourself a Master's degree. Love comes when you are not looking -- and that's because you're thinking of other things and going after your own interests, which creates the best dating pool for you. Don't waste your time on Tinder. You don't need it. The generations before you survived just fine without it. And this guy who you had a nice connection with, enjoy what you can from it. Now what it made your heart want. Take note of that. But know what isn't going to work for you as well.

      You've got this!

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      Miss him sometime 3 months ago

      Hi Andrea, thanks for you reply! :)

      I understand your point, and also think Tinder has this issue... but the problem for me is that my social circle is too limited (though i attend some sports and social clubs, still think the people I get to meet are limited), with the app I am trying just to meet more people and see if I can meet someone I really like (cuz for me it's really hard to find someone I really like). I have dated around for a while, and can understand people hooking up there. I don't do it usually (always making it clear to the guys I see), only with this guy because I would leave in two days, and that would be my only chance to intimate with him, and that I thought i really liked him and wouldn't care if he liked me back or not.

      I was travelling there when we met, we lived in different countries which are 6 hours away, so neither of us expected anything serious from each other at that time. I took him home because I wanted to enjoy every moment I could have with him. And I could feel he is a good person that has a kind heart.

      I also know there won't be anything serious even if he likes me a lot (we both don't believe in long-distance, especially we only met for one day). I know he won't text me because what's the meaning of texting me? Actually, all I care is whether he likes me or not - I didn't expect he liked me, but he showed me he did, which made me now crazy about this idea in my mind. I care about this also because otherwise I don't know next time I go to this city if I should contact him or not... if he doesn't really like me then I don't want to be stupid and contact him again...

      Anyway, thank you a lot for your advice! Right now for sure I won't expect anything serious from him (wouldn't work in different countries) but I am probably going to his city for my master study. That's a reason I am concerning about this... Now I am trying to keeping my normal dating life, but after I met him, every guy I see is just not as good as him... I am trying to get through this tho :)

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Time heals all wounds. Over time someone will replace this person. If you guys are not communicating at all, especially just texting, then he doesn't care. It's not that hard to send a text, especially to someone you like.

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      Tessa Long Story 3 months ago

      Thank you so much for responding. I thought being the initiator was always a bad thing based on your youtube videos.

      What has happened now:

      I initiate convo and he always asks to hang out (once he asked to hang out first). Seems to be how its been going for some time and we usually end up hanging with one or more people, but he gave me a very awkward and long winded compliment after one hangout. The weekend after that I sent a text asking what he was up to and he asked me to come over and he would cook for me.

      I went expecting the the new dynamic of at least someone being there and instead we were alone. I ask how come and he said he didn't answer texts or calls because he didn't want anyone coming over, he needed a break.

      He was very nice, patient with my quirks and we had a really good time. Learning he could cook and was a very good one at that made me fall for him more among other new things I learnt about him.

      Night went well, we talked a lot as usual and listened to music and chilled. (Eye contact, body language facing me with legs spread out and talked about any and everything.)

      What went wrong?

      As we listened to music, he lay down a bit further away from me and used his phone a lot. When people create any kind of distance, I unconsciously distance myself; so there's this huge gap between us. Still it felt good, very natural and comfortable (he seemed very comfortable and relaxed). He sleeps early but showed no signs of wanting to go to bed till I asked how come he was not sleepy past his bed time. He said he was but it was fine.

      I decided to leave, but when we got to my car I didn't want to leave and was kinda tired to drive (he lives a bit of a distance). He called me drama queen and asked why we even came out, laugh it off and go back in. Go in his bed together. I fall asleep instantly, wake up to the tv, I turn it off, by this time he is asleep too. I spend the whole night restless and being noisy (not on purpose) finally at day break I use my hand lotion and the smell wakes him. We talk for two hours, mostly him sharing. He gets up in a good mood and starts doing things around the house. Me not so much in a good mood (but I don't show it). All I can think is that he did not make one single move on me. I get home and spend the whole day consumed that he did not make any move and then I realized I never thanked him for a good night ( I really did have a good night outside of my concerns). Send an (you are a good cook, I had a good night text). He just smiley faced and thanked me.

      Three days and no word. He liked one instagram pic for the first time in a long time (just a quote, not a picture of me).

      Am I friendzoned?

      I cannot bring myself to bring up "what we are", I want him to be the one. For this reason I have decided to just let him and the friendship go, because I am in love and vulnerable and don't like it or know what to do with it.

      Seems so many girls are chasing him now and I don't want to become a statistic; I want to be respected and loved back. So throwing in the towel is all I can do, because I am done being the initiator and think it is common sense that he should initiate more (or at least text to ask if I am home safe when I leave. All my friends and guys I've dated do this except him.)

      Am I stuck in the friendzone? (if I am, I hate that I put us there in the first place-sucky feeling)

      Your response to me:

      "You two are a hot mess. :)

      You two need to decide what you want with each other, whether it is friendship or a relationship. And don't dance in between the two because it is confusing the two of you. He has definitely liked you in the past, and probably still does. He did the right thing by not doing anything to you when you were drunk, because if you are not in a clear mind and he has sex with you, that can be seen as rape. So... good call on his part. What the two of you need is to have a little bit more maturity and wisdom. If you're wanting a long term relationship, you'll need to think about your long term goals and what consequences have happened since the two of you have known each other so you can know what to expect in the future. He isn't your only option on this planet. I think you two have grown and forgiven each other from different circumstances. You don't have a one-sided friendship. You have designated yourself as the initiator and once you do that with a man, he will expect you to initiate for calls and the like. If you want him to initiate more whether as friends or more, you have to flat out say that. I think you two have known each other long enough and been through enough that you can sit down and talk with him comfortably about what exactly the two of you are."

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      Tessa Long Story continued 3 months ago

      I forgot to mention he initiated text a second time after a long time with the "long winded compliment".

      The last hang out was also not same day as my text, he asked to cook for me and we decided on the next day.

      I also have a bad habit of talking about other guys to him , not that I like them (I don't- I'm picky), but just other prospects generally (he doesn't do that to me). Is that a bad thing to do? I'm just used to talking as friends not sure how to change sharing too much like telling him I have two dates this week. Maybe I'm unconsciously trying to let him know I have options? Dunno (really have no clue why I can't stop this) Don't think it should matter if he likes me I guess.

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      LuciaLumino 3 months ago

      I met a guy through a friend at work. I didn't see him again for three months and when I did he expressed an interest in hanging out. The first time, I went to his house and he made dinner. The second time, it was NYE and we slept together. We have only had sex 2 more times, he texts me every day and seems nice...but he never compliments me, has never asked me about myself and always steers conversation in text to something a bit sexual. I have only known this guy for a month but I cannot ascertain what his intentions are. He asked me this week to "hang out" which is sex at his house.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Sounds like the routine for him is sex right now. If you're wanting me, then you need to broach the topic... say you don't want to be only seen as sex. Men will have sex with you without doing anything in particular if you don't set boundaries or standards for them.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      I still think you sound really confused. I think even as friends you should be able to say comfortably you'd like the other person to initiate more... or you like it when they do initiate more. It doesn't have to be a big conversation.

      You sound like you either want to be in a relationship with this person or you want to throw them off a cliff. Focus on what you really want. You guys have known each other for a long time and been through a lot -- why throw him off a cliff? Why go on other dates if you are interested in this person? It is okay and won't kill the friendship if you show a little bit of interest. Sleeping in bed together isn't really friendship. That's a move in and of itself. He is making moves, but isn't sure what you are doing. He cooked for you and you alone. Talking will help to at least set boundaries so you are not in a mix of wanting a relationship / is this friendship / and I don't know what to do with you.

      He is probably just as confused, so talking it out will bring out some clarity. If you can't talk about your feelings and what is happening, then this will be only a friendship. Without explaining turning him into the initiator overnight isn't going to make sense to him. He won't understand why you stopped talking. Find a good time to break the ice. It'll be okay and you are not losing the person in your life. Be focused and show love, not fear. Love and fear can't be in the same place at the same time.

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      Nat 3 months ago

      Hello. So I met this guy through work that has become a distributor for our company and he is your typical stud of a man that ladies drool over. I was walking by and talking to one of my coworkers and said " I can't believe you didn't see me" he quickly says " I see you" with a beautiful smile. Mind you, I was not introduced to him and he knew nothing of me. So I took that opportunity and started talking to him and properly introduced myself. I hadn't heard from him for a few months until one of my reps gave me his number to talk to him about some order which the texts were mainly about business but he always threw in a kiss heart emoji which I thought was playful. My reply then goes up to a show where our line is being shown and he just so happened to be there. My reply thenot goes ahead and sends me a picture of them both and I of course tell my reply which is also a close friend " wow he is so sexy" not a minute passed when I got a text from the stud saying " thanks for the compliment -your sexy man." We went back and fourth for a couple messages which his answers were a bit short but I thought nothing of it. Few weeks later he text me again about business which was a normal conversation where again he used his cute emoji. After that a couple months pass by and mind you, me and him do not really text on a regular and I don't know him well enough to text him randomly either. He sends me a picture the other day while he was at work, showing me his booth at the show he was working in. I did flirt a bit and told him I would be going up there to visit the state he lives in and asked him if he wasn't too busy to show me around. Not even 3 minutes later he says" come on up. Sure thing." I don't know what to do. He is older than me by 12 years maybe and don't know if he is married. Was that considered interest on his part. What should I do?

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Love, you have got to write with punctuation and proper spelling. A lot of people are going to ignore messages like this because they are hard to understand.

      When someone says "stop texting" it is a clear message: don't text me.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Personally, I think this guy sounds sleazy. I don't know why you are interested in him. He is being inconsistent and seems to only want you for sex. Is that what you want? If he is being inconsistent and in another state he likely has other options. Do you have other options? If he is a lot older and in another state -- I say don't bother with it. It all sounds really weird and I think you can do better and find something more local and consistent. And not just through text. Find someone that you can have a solid in person connection with that you don't have to question.

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      Natalie91 3 months ago

      Was that last one for me because I don't understand what you mean by he only wants sex. I'm sorry. Can you please explain this to me.

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      It was for you. It didn't sound like he is looking for a connection or a relationship. It could be too early to tell, but the way you wrote that sounded like he only cared about one thing only. Him being 12 years older and in another state does not sound good or promising. I say you can continue talking to him, but I wouldn't get your hopes too high. I think you could find somebody else.

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      Natalie91 3 months ago

      I actually want to get to know him a bit more to see if he is worth something or not.

      I just do not know how to approach that without coming across as too eager or pushy.

      What should I do? I really like him and he is a nice guy. He is playful but kind of shy at the same time.

      I tried to flirt with him after the whole sexy comment but he got a bit shy and that kind of threw me off.

      Maybe he is not so forward like I am. HELP!

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 months ago from Chicago

      Guys will message you if they feel like the conversation is interesting, fun, or engaging. If he is playful, try being playful back. Does he have Facebook? You need to figure out whether he is single, in a relationship, or even looking. If it is a natural connection it'll keep coming up and you'll have a better peace of mind.

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      Tessa Long Story 2 months ago

      Thanks a lot for your responses. You give great advice. This is probably my last message, but I will continue to follow your channel and blog for advice.

      Update on my friend:

      I do not remember all the details, because I am trying to forget him, but here it goes...

      Everyone keeps saying he does not know I like him and to take a chance and tell him, so I decided last weekend would be it.

      Called on Saturday and he did not pick up, which was unusual. Called later in the evening and he picked up saying he was planning to give me a call. I let him know I called earlier, because I was coming from the newly acquired land for my business and was passing by his place was why I called. He said I should have called on my way and he would have come with (this made me happy, because I love getting his approval for business).

      He asked what I was up to. Unfortunately I had made other plans. Told him I was going to a party and he seemed like he did not want me to. I joked that I had to as this year is my last single year so I'm going out. It got awkward after that, usually he jokes about how I say that every year and he doesn't believe it or about how picky I am. This time he seemed sad and vulnerable and said "stay single, do not let them spoil you, you're perfect" and implying that the men out there weren't good. This took me back a bit but I laughed and said I was going. Asked if he was in for the night and he said he would be on my side of town later so I told him to let me know if he came down. He called back immediately, (I almost thought it was by accident). Picked up and he said; "why do you sound so cute on the phone, you're not cute (jokingly)" I laughed and insisted I was cute and he ended it saying he just wanted to tell me how cute I sounded on the phone. Another shocker, he sounded so vulnerable and adorable, he had never sounded like that ever. That got me excited. Even kept my friends waiting because I was excited at the possibility of seeing him and switched from dressing for my party to dressing for him which equaled having nothing to wear (women understand this, lol).

      Well, did not hear anything and after the party I texted him jokingly that I guess he decided to be a grandpa and stay home and he replied that he guessed I was being a grandma struggling to be out and I let him know I had called it a night "grown and sexy style." We both laughed and I went to bed.

      Woke up thinking I have to communicate how I feel about him so decided to find out what he was up to for the day. He said he was just going to get "chinese" and end up on his couch, so I told him to order for two and that I would come bug him later to which he replied; "ok, ma'am". At 3:30pm. I sent him a text that I was on my way. At 4pm I got a long response about him heading to a barber shop on my side of town for a haircut, because he thought I was coming later in the evening. Odd, I thought. I told him to let me know when he got home at first then followed with a text saying to let me know when he was done instead (this way I would head out on time). No response. Ran into a friend's brother and told him how odd I thought it was that a guy just changed plans on me and he told me immediately I was being stood up. I couldn't believe that was possible.

      I called two hours later, nothing. I called one last time an hour later out of worry. Nothing.

      It will be a week tomorrow and nothing. I cried that night, because there is nothing I hate more than a lack of courtesy and disrespect. I could not believe he would do that even just as a friend. I have spent the whole week getting over it. I can't possible entertain that kind of behavior. I stopped following him back on instagram when I started falling for him to avoid seeing anything that would upset me. I can't see his posts, but I monitored the number just to see if he was active or ok. He is and he has uploaded a record number of pictures this week, more than he ever has before.

      I've stopped hurting, but it will take a while to get over this. No idea, what I did wrong or how he went from seeming totally vulnerable to just disrespecting me and disappearing. I have to chalk it up to stuff happens and this is life. I kind of gave up on love this week. Maybe I'll feel better by next weekend. I'm really sad and mad.

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      This seems like some kind of miscommunication happened, not sure why. It may have been intentional or not. Since you guys have known each other for a long time, I think you should straight ask him what happened last weekend, see if you buy into it, and give him a chance to set things straight. Is it in his nature to normally stand you up? Does he have a history of doing this to others? Try not to pull the trigger on blame but look at all the circumstances around this. Do you know if he is seeing anyone at this time or perhaps doesn't want to tell you this because he hasn't made a decision about you? I'm not saying you should focus on this guy and give him a chance, but I think there's room here for misunderstanding. Both of you could be confused, or he might be oblivious to how confused you are. I know you've had this friendship for years, and it has had plenty of ups and downs. Maybe you need to straight up tell him why you value the friendship, find out more about what happened last week and see if it is forgivable, and ask yourself if this is someone who is usually steady or too all over the place to understand. We all contribute to relationships in funny ways; it helps to ask ourselves how we are negatively contributing to it and where our own behavior could be adding confusion. I think you two need to air out whatever is happening... if you feel like that opportunity is worthwhile and feasible.

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      tracy 2 months ago

      There is dis guy, his mum likes me and want me to get married to his so,though i havent met d guy but we talk often but all of a sudden he stopped texting...wat should i do?

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      You should see and interact with someone in-person well before you consider marriage. How long have they stopped texting? Was something said that might have triggered a fallout?

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      Anonymous 2 months ago

      I know this guy and I commented that he was cute, as in baby cute not those jaw dropping gorgeous. I actually didn't like him but my friend misheard me and she told him I liked him. I always ignore him because he's always smiling at himself every time he sees me. Now he stopped texting me he's got a girlfriend and I start to like him all of a sudden. I feel liked me before but I don't know if he actually likes the girl or using her to get me jealous. He tries not to look at me because my friends are the ones looking at him. Does he still likes me? Did he ever like me?

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      Saoirse 2 months ago

      I have a very unique situation and I have no clue what to think!

      I was seeing this guy casually and we texted almost everyday for a few months. It was great. We took things slow. He gets into this crazy accident, 2 months hospitalized.

      Since then we barely message (understandable). He's almost better, I think. So he says. But even though he says he misses hanging out and flirts a little still... he never texts me first. I don't even mind being friends as he is cool enough... I'm just confused! Is there still something there or is he just being nice. I do understand that he is in a strange situation so I don't push or anything. I keep things light and slightly flirty.

      He is kind of shy around me and reserved at times, we both are so it's hard to know what's going on. I need an outside opinion thank you!

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      Marilyn Jacksons 2 months ago

      There is this guy I met. We were together for 5 days then he went back abroad. We exchanged texts after that for like a week, saying he was thinking of me and how he wished we could be together. He usually sent me a good morning text, encouraged me to pursue my ambitions and wished me a wonderful day/evening. I replied some of his texts after more than 24hours due to late delivery into my inbox. One day he replied to my text telling in detail what he was doing and planning to do that day, but I never replied to that because I got so busy. He stopped initiating the texts but replied to some texts I sent him very politely. A couple of my texts go unreplied. I've told him I was so into him and he replied saying, "me too. I do like you so much.I just wish I could have a chance to come over ." Now he has gone silent, only replying again politely whenever I wish him a good day, etc. What has gone wrong now and do I text him or leave it for him to initiate it? Just to know, I've gone silent as well for nearly a week now but I miss him terribly.

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      Ashley 2 months ago

      I've been talking to this guy for about 2 months. We've been on a few dates and his text back timing is like 30 seconds and we flirt every day. Most of our dates are planned by me though. He picks me up and lets me choose what I want to do, pays and everything. Which was weird to me cause i'm so used to the guy being the initiator for dates lol. But on our last date, I asked him if he wanted to make things official and he said he's "Just chilling". Focusing on himself and his career goals. I said how would a relationship be a burden on that. He replied with how he took things fast in the past and it didn't end well so he wants to take it slow with us. He told me he really likes me and that we could be official in the future. I just found out today he considers his ex his best friend and she invited him to tour her university because he's considering switching colleges. Should I hold on to our potential and wait till he's ready to make it official? I don't want to waste my time, but I do really like him and I feel our chemistry is great. Also, should I worry about his ex being his best friend?

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      Too long of distance. When he has a chance to see you, he may pick up the relationship again. But it doesn't seem practical for the time being. He has other fish to fry overseas. You should keep messaging him to keep the momentum.

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 months ago from Chicago

      You should spend more time with him. He hasn't made a decision about you yet. Don't worry too much about the ex. Keep tabs on how he talks about her, etc. But don't add unnecessary drama.

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      selenator 2 months ago

      the first does but the second isn't interested :'(

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      BH 2 months ago

      Hi, I started talking to a guy on Tinder (I'm gay btw) about 3 weeks ago and it quickly progressed onto us exchanging numbers and texting. We text everyday and fairly often, including flirting from both sides and we have spoken on the phone twice. We have even, kind of, set up a date for this coming Sunday.

      Now here's where I'm a little confused. Almost everyday he will stop responding in the middle of a conversation and then I won't hear from him until I text him again the next day (and then he asks question/flirts, they aren't one sided texts by any means). When we spoke on the phone I made a joke out of it and he said he's terrible and will read a message but then forget to reply. Ok fair enough, but what I find confusing is surely a few hours down the line he doesn't forget he was talking to me?

      Yesterday he seemingly forgot, but then he did remember a few hour later and text me back, asking me question again so I replied a few minutes later, no response haha! I hope you can see my dilemma? I do think he is interested in me because he's mentioned things we could do together in the future but I find it a little confusing.

      Any advice would be very welcome, thank you in advance :)

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      Ashley 6 weeks ago

      Hi, its Ashley again. After your advice, we spent more time together and things were great if not better! But one day we were texting like normal and he says out of no where: "Ive been thinking and I would hate to feel bad if I am wasting your time cause I low-key feel like I'm not ready for a relationship right now in this moment in my life like its weird. Like I'm ready but I'm not yet fully"

      And so i said:

      Me: "Thanks for telling me how you feel, but is it you don't feel that way about me at all or your just not mentally ready?"

      Him: "I mean I feel a little about you but I'm not mentally ready . Idk why cause don't get me wrong you're an amazing girl. I just don't know why I'm like this now. And to be honest, ever since my last relationship I tried to put my all in to it and make it my last but i don't know why I can't now."

      Im not sure what to do. I really like him and feel already deeply emotionally invested. Should I wait for him to feel ready? Or?

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 weeks ago from Chicago

      This could mean a number of things. He is needing to process / evaluate something on his own. If you step to the side some, he'll be able to tell what's in the connection better. Missing you might be what he needs. In fact, maybe that's what you should say is... let's see what happens if we don't spend as much time together and see if you miss me. It might suck, and he is probably being real with you that he has some issues leftover from his last relationship. But sometimes when a guy misses someone, he'll get over his crap, or at least tolerate his own baggage better.

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      Sophia 6 weeks ago

      One day I texted him and I said"how come you don't text me anymore"he said"what I haven't had time to text anyone"and well every time I text him he leaves me on open idk what that means tbh

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      Andrea Lawrence 6 weeks ago from Chicago

      Do you see this person often? What is your status with this person? Some people are not as into texting as others.

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      Lanna 4 weeks ago

      First off, I love that the author who responds to these comments is a guy! I am interested to hear your perspective on this:

      About six weeks ago I was on a popular, non dating website where you ask/answer questions. I came across a question that was answered by a man who had hundreds of followers and answered questions about investing/trading/money. He answered a question about how much money he made last year, and I jokingly commented are you single? To my surprise, he responded rather quickly and said yes. Now, I've been in a relationship for the last 8 years, and I have 2 kids, but I'm not married and I haven't been happy..like ever. It's been very complicated. I wasn't looking to meet/talk to or date anyone, I was just being a little flirtatious. We ended up commenting back and forth on his post, and then it quickly moved to the messaging area as he invited me to message him to talk more. I informed him immediately of my situation; he knew I am in a relationship with kids but it didn't bother him. We continued talking - like a lot. He said he was mostly on the site for dating questions because he wasn't very good at that sort of thing. He supposedly works constantly (which is why he is so successful) and doesn't have much experience with dating despite that he is still very young (my age) and extremely wealthy. I offered to help him but said I wasn't in the dating scene either so I didn't know if I could help. He asked me a few questions about dating and he seemed to like my answers, and we quickly began talking more and he told me he actually liked talking to ME. We exchanged regular emails and began talking every day. We talked all day, like every day. Within the first day or two he asked if we could meet, and we still have plans to meet in the next few weeks. (He is from another country). We also told each other our very personal stories/backgrounds, and really had a connection that I think was pretty deep. He would text in the morning and always sent very long messages back and forth, and has told me about a lot of work things and things he is dealing with - he has been trying to find a new place to live and would send me different real estate listings and tell me all the pros and cons of different places etc. Howver, he would also talk about this stuff in the context of us being together one day. In fact, within the first few days of our talking so much, he kept providing me with informed about how I can get citizenship in another country, the pros and cons of giving up my US citizenship etc - he has stated numerous times that after we meet if we really like each other we will figure out how to be together, and has even gone so far as to say (although he said this only one time) that he would provide for me and take care of me if I agreed to leave my relationship and be with him. Of course I told him I will not rely on another man like that, and I want to be able to take care of myself first. He offered to help me set up my own online business so I could do this, and he actually did take like a full day or two to help me get things started online. I've also told him I have no plans to be intimate with another man until I'm married - because of things that have happened in my life that made me realize I wish I had done that in the first place so if I ever had another chance at love I would do it in this way. He wasn't thrilled but he wasn't scared off either. He kept talking to me eagerly and has always been extremely respectful, polite, and sweet - flirtatious but not overly sexual.

      The past two weeks he appears to be under a tremendous amount of strsss from certain things with work. I know he travels every couple weeks and literally he is working allll the time. However, his texts have gotten less and less frequent - though he still texts me at least once or twice a day. I have told him in the beginning several times that he shouldn't waste his time with me because I have kids and he is so young and has so many more options, but he has always assured me he loves talking to me and that he understands I can't really trust him, and that the solution is to meet, and that from that point we will go from there.

      I am just confused because the last two weeks, while I know he is busy with work, I just hear from him wayy less. He used to text me when it was mid morning my time, now it's closer to dinner my time and he is pretty much ready for bed. Instead of our long conversations, it's the basic how was your day, how are your kids, what did you eat. He used to reply almost instantly, now it can take anywhere from an hour to six hours to hear back. He says he is just exhausted - and I do get it! I have backed off quite a bit, I don't usually text him first, I usually wait for him to because I know he is busy.

      Then last night he told me to please text him today whenever I feel like it - so I did at like 10am my time and he replied in 2 min saying he had been checking his email waiting for me. Then after I replied, I didn't hear from him for like 7 hours! He was taking the day off today too! So I was like wtf? Then he finally responded just saying he was exhausted and that when he takes a day to stop working it just hits him like a ton of bricks. I get it --but is it that hard to reply to a stupid message and say hey I need to take a nap I'll text you later?

      I'm so confused! Is he losing interest? He hasn't mentioned us meeting since he started talking to me less two weeks ago. I'm wondering if maybe he is browsing online for other potential people, or if he is losing interest, or if he is really just overwhelmed with his schedule like he says. I know we can't talk all day every day, but how do you go from 30 messages a day to 1 or 2?

      Am I being crazy? I'm just not sure what to think and I'd love a guy's perspective! He is still always sweet to me and says that he'd like to hug me - it is just the extreme decrease in frequency of messages + response time that makes me a little antsy/concerned

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 weeks ago from Chicago

      It is actually normal for texts to decrease as the relationship progresses.

      There may be certain issues at hand that are needing to be forwarded, that since they are not being forwarded... you guys are at a standstill. Try to pinpoint when exactly you would like to meet. Also, since you guys have had such an intense connection, you may need to bite the bullet and call each other. In fact, you should call each other and not just text and email. This will help. But you need a timeline here of when you can meet and see where things can go from there. Other thing, are you still in the relationship with the other guy? This would be a very confusing variable in this matter, and is the guy you've been in a relationship with your kids' father? Also, would the kids go with you if you ever moved? It's really hard to say what exactly this person you are talking to is doing on the other side. What country is he from? I think you guys need some sort of Skype conversation, to be honest. That will let you see him better and know how truthful he is being. If you are still in a relationship with somebody else, you need to sort that out... and that is your first priority.

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      Lanna 3 weeks ago

      Thanks for your response Andrea!

      Ok so, you asked about my current relationship and it's interesting you asked about that, because last weekend I ended up initiating my separation from my current relationship. He has a daughter who is a teenager, and we have one child together - a 2year old - and then I have a 9 year old whom he has been a father figure to since she was 2 because her biological father was my HS bf and his rights were terminated because he's had nothing to do with her. So, my current guy has been like a dad to her, but they are not very close and he has no legal rights to her.

      We have been having problems for years. He is 20 years older than me and the past 4 years have been very hard on our blended family, and it has reached a breaking point on my end. So, he doesn't want ME to go but I have been feeling like I can no longer do this much longer, so we have been talking and it seems like I will be moving out once my daughter finishes school at the beginning of summer and I will be moving in with my parents again for a few months until I can afford to live on my own. My 2 girls will be living with me, and his daughter will be with him, though it is my hope we can still all get together as a family sometimes and preserve the girls' relationships as best we can.

      When I told this other guy about my impending split, he started texting a bit more and was asking a lot of questions and expressed happiness that I was saying all this. He has been very sweet and has been asking how I am doing with all this, but he has still been only keeping in touch about once a day or every other day, which is way less than the first 3-4 weeks of our talking. I know he has been visiting his mom in another country, whom he helps care for, and he has been dealing with a lot of work stuff and according to him, he's been going to bed earlier because he's been so run down. We haven't Slyped or Facetimed because I am still a little worried to do so with my current situation, and also he hasn't asked either. Origionat, we had been planning to meet this month actually - and we did have a specific date set. However I asked him the other day if he still wanted to meet or postpone it, and then I launched into like 4 long messages of what had been going on with me and my current relationship and used that as fodder saying I'm not in the best place emotionally and I don't want him to think less of me or see me when I am like this - I want him to see me when I am strong and Independent, not weak and falling apart. He responded by calling me his one and only, and told me that I am very strong and that he knew I would be able to make it through all this and he was happy I was sharing all this with him, but he never addressed whether or not he still wanted to meet. Then I didn't hear from him for a day because He was "a bit busy and spending time with his mom before he had to leave," and when I responded to him 2 hours later he didn't reply back- which at that point it was almost 10pm his time so I am assuming he went to bed. I am still waiting for a response since I still haven't heard from him a day later - but this has been the very first time he has gone 1 single day without sending me 1 single message.

      So now I am even more confused! He seemed very sweet and wrote me a very nice, long message the other day when I told him about what's going on with my current relationship, and he did express how he had been extremely busy and very tired, but I must admit it is very hard for me to believe him and trust him because I just have no way of really knowing anything.

      I do want to meet him and I am hoping he still wants to keep our "date" to meet. I have no clue how any of this is going to turn out! I do know he had been trying to figure out where he is going to relocate, and he had mentioned on more than one occasion relocating to my country/state so we could be closer together, but it's been a few weeks since he had brought this up or discussed it, so I am not sure whether that is still even a consideration or not. I also don't want him to think I am only breaking up my current relationship solely to be with him - I feel like I do need some time alone and to regroup and be independent, but at the same time this LD thing is very hard on me mentally. It is hard to go from feeling like he was always thinking of me/texting me to the past few weeks now he is more inaccessible and takes way longer to respond - it used to be immediate response to an hour or two, now it's 24-48hours! It's confusing and mentally/emotionally draining! But I don't want to freak him out or push him away!

      Also on the weekends he used to hang around and talk to me a bit, now he's like completely gone and I hear from mostly on Friday evenings and Sunday, so I have a feeling he is probably out doing stuff and I can't help but think the worst of course - but again I have no way of verifying anything and we are not even officially together or anything like that so it wouldn't be fair or right for me to be upset or concerned Anyways because he is a free man and I wouldn't ever restrict him. I guess we'll have to see if he still wants to meet and see what happens afterwards - but regardless this long distance thing is not easy!

      Oh and I won't say what country he is from but it is an EU country and he travels from different countries because of his companies etc.

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      Lanna 3 weeks ago

      BTW - my biggest thing is just WHY is he now taking more than a DAY to respond to messages?? I mean he will ask me like 6 or 6 questions and now he isn't responding to me for more than 24hours! We communicate through email on his laptop - he does almost his work on his laptop - so I am SURE he is checking his email and seeing my messages way before the 24-48 hour time period. So why is it taking that long to write back??? When he didn't used to do that before?? Even if he were extremely busy he used to always keep me informed of what was going on, like hey I'm on the phone with so and so but I'll message you in an hour or two etc, and now it is like i m getting messages right before he goes to bed - and then he won't bother to say hey I'm going to bed - he will just either pass out after sending the message (at least that is what I am assuming) and then I won't hear from him for another day (and now it is more like 2). Sooo wtf? But when I do hear from him he still is pretty sweet/nice so this is so confusing!!!

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 weeks ago from Chicago

      It sounds like he is genuinely busy. He might not be as sure where to take things at the moment, but if he is writing you long messages back, I think you are in good shape there. I think it is perfectly normal to ask in what manner of time he likes to receive replies to his texts. This might give you an indication of what is a normal amount of time for him. It is normal to slow down on texting. Also, at the beginning, people have a lot of questions, so they'll text a lot at the beginning and then calm down. I think if you are making efforts to be on positive terms with your current partner and communicate honestly, you should be able to keep a family dynamic to some degree when you split this summer.

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      Lanna 2 weeks ago

      Well, his messages have definitely gotten shorter and less frequent! For instance this past week, he has only sent me like 3 messages total, each one saying he is extremely busy, and he'll get back to me later (which he did, but like 2 days later). He supposedly visited his mother last week and is trying to catch-up on work. We were talking about when we are going to meet this month, but I am limited to only one day which I can meet - which he expressed made things difficult for him but that he would do his best to try and meet on that date, and asked if there was an alternative if he couldn't. I couldn't tell if he was trying to brush me off nicely, or if he is truly overwhelmed. I am thinking it is the latter, but still, I can't help but be a little insecure because we have stopped checking in with each other at least once a day now. Now it is like every 3 days

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 weeks ago from Chicago

      Try to continue having a positive rapport. Also, listen to your gut feelings, and see why you are having the feelings you have. Sometimes people are very busy and you end up in a lull in these situations. Depending on what happens in those lulls is very important, it either means you have the strength to make it through those waters... or someone doesn't have the patience for it. Being busy will come up with adults. If you believe and trust in him, keep at it. If you feel like there is more at play here, ask yourself why. The best you can do is keep it positive. Sometimes it is good to take the pressure off meeting and just flirt / be friendly for a few text sessions. Try calling if you feel like this person is open to that. Or Facetime.

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      Lanna 2 weeks ago

      I get that people get busy, but he has been less and less available and I just have a bad feeling about it that I can't shake. Maybe it is me - I don't trust people and I am very skeptical. But this guy and I reallly connected...like probably too much too fast :/

      He does ALL his work on his laptop, so I know he is checking his email and it wouldn't be hard for him to send a quick email if he really wanted to communicate. What I don't get is, his last message (on Wed) said that he has zero time, he'd know by the weekend if he could come see me on the date we were supposed to meet, and asked me if there was an alternative date. Then he said at the end "Ill try to text you later because I really miss talking to you a lot, it's the best part of my days." Well, I didn't respond for about a day and a half because I didn't want him to think I was just jumping to hear from him. I responded early Friday morning my time, expecting that I'd probably hear from him later that night because that's what he usually does! I said that it was ok, we both had a lot going on right now and it probably isn't the best time to set. I said maybe in June when I have moved out of my current house/relationship because I'll be staying with my parents and it might be a better time. I said no worries, we'll play it by ear and I asked how he was doing. Then nothing. Crickets. Nothing yesterday too! I sent him a quick message on saturday afternoon saying I supposed he was probably out and busy but I hoped he was doing well and things were going smoothly for him. Still nothing. This is the first weekend ever he has not communicated at all, like not even one message.

      It is out of character for him because 1) he is always working and he works from

      His laptop so it is not a stretch to think he has definitely seen my emails, he is just not making responding a priority, and 2) he is a young rich millionaire (supposedly) who has told me straight from the start that he uses escorts since he has no time for dating and no dating experience.

      I honestly don't know what to think/believe! My gut initially told me this guy was too perfect, and we had an amazing connection unlike anything I've had with another guy, but maybe it was too much too fast. I don't trust easily, and lately my gut has just been saying delete the stupid email app and forget this guy existed. If he is really as wealthy and in to me as he says he is, he will find a way to contact me or reach me at some point - but right now he clearly isn't making much effort and is just "too busy" to send a simple message rather than leaving me hanging. I feel like an idiot! You can't just have these long conversations with a stranger, telling them how they can become a European citizen and talking about living in all these exotic places and then just bail when it comes time to meet or suddenly just have "zero time" for that person when you have access to your laptop and email 24/7. Honest to god I feel like I should be the recipient of the most gullible/naieve woman of the year award!!

      I want to save myself more hurt by just deleting the stupid email app we've been communicating through, but the things he has said to me were so sweet and romantic and it hurts to think of being the one to close that door when there is still a possibility, but maybe I am just being stupid to think that. I think maybe he just likes the convenience of having me around to talk whenever he wants but the thing is I am not the type of woman to sit around waiting for a stupid email from someone I've never met!

      Oh and btw, he also deactivated his profile on the same site we had met on, the same day he sent me his last message. I am not sure what the hell that means - maybe he is too busy to deal with answering other people's messages on there or too overwhelmed with work, or maybe he just wants to disappear entirely. Idk.

      I definitely need to focus on myself and just put this on the back burner for now, and find a way to accept that whatever will be will be, I know I can't force anything but I just can't decide if I should completely end this by deleting all communication or if I should still try to hold on a little bit longer ...either way, I feel like I am mentally going insane and I just want to tell him he can't just do this to someone! Stupid.European.Men. (No offense if you are European.) but seriously...aaahhhh

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      Lanna 2 weeks ago

      Ok, I am a little shocked. He got in touch with me today and apparently bought a plane ticket - he just isn't sure if he'll actually be on the plane, but he'll let me know ...I wasn't so much prepared for that! But supposedly he's been having a horrible time with work, and he said he missed me .. I was quite surprised! I still do not really trust 100% but I am definitely baffled. I am actually not sure I am ready to even see him! I feel like we do need a bit more time.

      But it would be strange/funny if I actually did get a fairy tale ending one day :) I will keep you posted, Andrea. I appreciate your calm, male introspect on things like this! I thought perhaps I was being foolish - and I guess I was! But in the wrong way? That remains to be seen :)

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      Anonymous1984 2 weeks ago

      I met this man on a dating website in November and the first time we met there was an instant connection--we spent 8 hours together, just talking. We dated for a few months and then he told me that he did not see a relationship happening for us, but that he still wanted us to remain friends. I agreed to this and we continue to see each other once a week to every other week and we still very much enjoy each other's company--the last time I saw him we spent 9 hours together. I must admit that we continue to be physically affectionate with each other, but are not sleeping together. I get the vibe he is just scared and wants to take things slow because he doesn't like to talk about us dating other people or no longer spending time together.

      My issue is this: I always initiate the contact now to make plans and he takes days to respond. This past time I had to call him to confirm things and he didn't pick up the phone, but sent me a text responding to the question I had asked him. I am concerned that he no longer wants to see me and is doing it out of obligation so he doesn't seem like a bad guy, because I do not hear from him unless I reach out first. But when he DOES respond, he sounds enthusiastic (actually, the enthusiasm of his response seems to mirror the enthusiasm in my original message).

      I know he's stressed about work because he has a job where 100% productivity is required every day and he works 4-5 10 hour days a week, but he literally falls off the face of the earth until I contact him.

      I fear he wants to ghost out of my life, but I like him and don't want him to do this, so I always break down and reach out to him.

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      Lanna 9 days ago

      UPDATE: Last time I heard from him was almost 9 days ago. He had explained his company had a major loss, but that he had booked a ticket for this past weekend, he just wasn't sure he was going to be on it, and that he missed me and was giving me a hug. He said he'd let me know by Friday for sure. Well the night before (Thurs) I sent him a message saying he should just stay where he was with all he had going on. I said maybe it wasn't the right time and I was glad he could refund his tickets, and that he should try to relax and enjoy the city. Well I didn't hear from him so I sent another message saying I wasn't trying to avoid our visit I just wasn't sure it was the right time since he had a lot going on and we haven't been talking much lately. Still nothing. On Sunday (the day he was supposed to leave), I messaged him twice noting that he either didn't read my messages, or he had and decided against coming, or that he had read them and was crazy enough to see me anyways. After the whole day went by, I sent another message saying I was antsy and feeling impatient because I had no clue what's going on! I have kids and need to figure out a lot of things if I was going to see him.

      Guess what?? NOTHING! I haven't heard from him since he said he booked a flight. Now I will probably never hear from him again, or if I do I honestly don't think I can even trust what he says. Wtf?? If something came up WHY wouldn't he tell me?? I don't know why he'd fly down here and NOT tell me so that doesn't make sense either. So confused...how can a guy just leave a girl hanging like that??? You don't tell her you bought plane tickets but aren't sure if you'll be on the plane and then just never communicate with her!! I thought he was a gentleman. I thought he was different.

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      Andrea Lawrence 7 days ago from Chicago

      Fascinating. Hmmm... you are definitely missing information to this story. There is no telling what happened. I say try reaching out to him again, without mentioning any of the white elephants in the room. See if he'll at least speak to you. Try to write something positive in line to his interests.

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      Lanna 7 days ago

      Final Update:

      I'll backtrack a bit. Last mon he had messaged me to say he bought a flight but wasn't sure if he'd be on it and he'd let me know by Friday. On Thursday night I had a bit of a meltdown and said now probably wasn't the right time, he was probably too busy, and he should just relax and we could plan another date. I didn't hear from him during the day on Friday so I sent him another message Friday evening saying I hoped he didn't take that the wrong way, that I still wanted to see him, I just thought maybe the timing was wrong that's all. I didn't get a reply. Then on Sunday (when he was supposed to fly out) I sent two msssages asking if he was still

      Coming and saying I was antsy because I didn't know his plans. No response.

      I waited until Wednesday am (the day we were supposed to meet) to send him a very long winded message asking why he couldn't have just told me it was too much right now or give me some kind of heads up that he wasn't going to be coming? I said I hadn't been trying to make things more complicated when I told him now wasn't the best time - I was trying to be considerate of his stress and inadvertently I must have upset him by telling him not to come when he had bought a ticket. I just couldn't understand why he couldn't communicate to me and let me know if he wasn't coming or not. I basically ended he message saying there wasn't enough of me to go around to myself or my kids let alone something or someone that is illusionary. I said I wouldn't be expecting communication from him anymore and I'd take his silence as an indication that he was all set with whatever we had.

      THEN I sent another message later that night saying I get why he probably said screw It to coming ...he was dealing with enough stress and I had made him more stressed by putting more uncertainty in our meeting and then my indundating him with messages made things worse. I added that I just wish he hadn't seen me like this, so vulnerable and falling apart from my current situation and that I wish we could do this all over, and that if we had met when I was single and doing well on my own things would have been magical. Then I said I wished him well...

      Here's what I know:

      I was too needy. I was too indecisive. I wrote too many messages in a time when he was too stressed. He probably just couldn't handle me and my shit. He's never even had a real girlfriend before so this was shaky ground to begin with. He's still very young and probably wants time to himself and to date. This was all too much too fast!

      Here's what I want to know from a guys perspective, Andrea:

      From everything you already know about all this, did I completely 100% F this up? I have moved the email app where we communicate to a different folder so I can't see it...but I'm not sure if I should just delete it and be done with it!

      Is there any chance on earth, from a guys mindset, that if you liked a girl and connected well with her, but you knew it wasn't the right time and you're both going through so many things and you know you're both just completely not in the right place yet - would you completely write that girl off forever?? I mean with my behavior and the things I've done, can I just expect that I will probably never hear from him again? Or will just taking some time and space for me to grow and become a better person myself...there could be a chance he might reach out again?

      I know I can't reach out to him anymore...I sent like 9 messages over the past 9 days and I've been ignored. I know he's been online and seen them. I also know he must be incredibly pissed/stressed from a huge financial loss at work...so do I just give him space and time and hope in the back of my mind that maybe he'll reach out again in a few months?

      Or did I completely destroy any chance of him wanting to talk to me again with my craziness?

      Or am I really not crazy, and I should just forget him because in a way he ignored me and kind of stood me up, so I don't want to be with a guy like that anyways??

      I am so confused, because he always seemed like a gentleman to me ...I didn't think he would just ignore me and not come...

      The last message he had sent to me was he missed me and was sending a huge hug...so it must have been my fault to screw everything up

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      Lanna 6 days ago

      Interesting side note: I noticed he had deactivated his profile on the site we had met around the time things started getting shaky (which would have been around the time he had his huge loss at work).

      Then on the day we were supposed to meet, he deleted like almost aaaall his content from his profile. (It's a non-dating site). Today, the account was completely deleted.

      So, I am wondering if he is just on shut down mode. He must be in a mental place where he just can't deal with anything else external. I have no clue what happened after his loss at work, but I'm wondering if things didn't get any better. He had like 1k followers I don't know why he would just shut everything down like that!

      So if this is the case, that everything is just too much, and he is just hiding from everything, is there a tiny chance he

      Might reach out in the future?

      Trust me I'm not going to hold my breath! I am going to focus on myself...but I am curious from a guys perspective- if he is shutting down a large social media account he was very active on, would this be indicative of him just stepping away from the world at the moment? Maybe he could still have feelings for me he just can't process/handle anything right now so he is cutting everything else away. Idk!!

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      Andrea Lawrence 5 days ago from Chicago

      You probably did confuse him with the ticket stuff, because it comes off with a lot of mixed signals. But maybe it was too sudden for you that he was coming. He probably blames himself for that timing. It sounds like you were uncertain about what you wanted and are having a tough time juggling all these thoughts, some of which are contradictory. I don't think you screwed anything up by saying exactly where you are. It might have been a lot for him to process, and being completely silent and going into his shell isn't exactly helpful for you, but it may have just been easier for him that way to deal with his own thoughts. No, I don't think this is a total loss. I think you need to step away from it, and in his own time when he knows what he really wants he'll contact you. But don't keep contacting him or you'll make him feel like he should stop talking to you period. He knows his silence really stressed you out, and he probably doesn't know what to say next. Long distance is also hard to read because there could be more variables in this that you are not seeing.

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      Andrea Lawrence 5 days ago from Chicago

      People shut down social media sites when they need to focus their time and energy somewhere else. Sometimes when you are dealt some bad cards, then you don't want to see other people's happiness. There are a lot of reasons people will close accounts. Maybe it had become too stressful, maybe they need to do some soul searching, maybe they got into something they shouldn't have. Some people don't want their social media habits to distract them from their real goals. It sounds like he is hitting a refresh button on life and trying to figure out what he wants, what will be his next goals, etc. His mind is probably cloudy, and even if he does like you -- he doesn't have good focus right now. People delete these accounts because their minds are foggy.

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      Ash 5 days ago

      Hi

      So here's my dilemma and I'll try to keep it short and to the point.

      Known this guy for 18+ years cause I'm good friends with his sister. Then she and I kind of faded. A few months ago he started talking to me over Facebook. We talk about everything. Good bad serious funny. It's always been super casual but with flirting. Then we didn't talk for a while and then their dad passed away. (They knew it was coming). I went to the funeral to support them and be there for the family. He really loved having me there. So we kind of reconnected. He works out of town so we continued to talk over Facebook.

      Then things started to get more serious and heated in a good way. He admitted to always having a crush on me since childhood and wanting to hook up. He also said he's looking for that someone to settle down with and it has to be the right girl. But with his dad passing he's not emotionally ready yet so we should take things slow.

      He ended up coming home for a week and wanted to see me. So we went out shooting with his friends and had so much fun. We ended up kissing and getting a little handsy. Then I didnt hear from him the next day but I texted him instead thanking him for the fun day and asking him if he was free to do something again before he goes back to work. He says yes and the next day we go out and have a date. It was so much fun, we laughed and talked we joked around and some serious conversation like a real couple. He payed for everything so I'm sure it was a date. Anyone who saw us must have thought we were a couple based on all the PDA and hand holding, kissing etc. He also told me he will be working in town for a couple more weeks now. But now 2 days have gone by and again no text to set up another date. Everything is so much fun and comfortable when are together because we are such old friends things just click. He's never been the best at initiating convos because he's shy but he always replies to mine within a few minutes. And then we can talk all day. I don't know what's up with him. I don't want to ask him out again i want him to ask me. He can clearly see that I'm interested and he seems like he is too but then why won't he ask me to go out? Is he interested or not should I ask him again?

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      Andrea Lawrence 4 days ago from Chicago

      Since you have been the one asking for the dates, you have become the initiator in the budding relationship. This is actually a pretty easy fix, partly because you two are on good terms and on the same page. You can simply send him a text that the next time he wants to go out, he should ask you out. Once you become the initiator in the relationship, things tend to stick that way. He'll probably always respond to you. If that's not the dynamic you are wanting, and you want him to pick up the slack more, then kindly tell him, and he'll get the idea. You can just say FYI: you like to be asked out.

      I would say 100% he is interested in you. I don't see anything sticking out that should concern you at this point.

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      Lanna 3 days ago

      Thanks so much for your insight Andrea! You've been so awesome listening to all my whining about this guy. If I'm ever in a Chicago I'll have to buy you a coffee!

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      Andrea Lawrence 3 days ago from Chicago

      I am here for you! Feel free to use me as a resource, and I'll try my best to give you some solid feedback.

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      Lanna 3 days ago

      Is there a standard length of time that it would reasonably take to determine whether or not he is just taking some space or gone for good? I mean I am not going to be waiting around for him I have to focus on myself, but how long do guys usually need? Like a few weeks? A few months?

      I find it hard to imagine he would be done for good, when he had said so many things about how he did like me and enjoy talking to me. But his abrupt silence two weeks ago still makes me feel like there is still that possibility he is done for good ..so I don't want to get my hopes up with the hope he'll come back either. I am just unsure of what I might want to expect as far as time...

      Would I be an idiot to start talking to him again if he suddenly resurfaces in a month...2months? A lot of girls online seem to say that if a guy ignores them when he's mad then they are just done with him if he come around a few weeks or months later. I just wish he could have said whether he needed time or if he was done for good! There's like no way of knowing and since email was our own mode of communication it just feels final. I have no clue how long the average guy needs to "shut off" to deal with stuff!

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      Andrea Lawrence 2 days ago from Chicago

      In a typical situation, I would say a few days makes sense. If it is going longer than that, then something is up. Now, the thing is -- sometimes guys do a disappearing act and then they'll come back to try to woe you a couple of months down the road, or years. I've had it happen myself where I didn't think a guy would interact with me again, but then popped up for no clear reason at all. So yes, you can say that he might pop up. The longer the two of you knew each other, spent time together, and have lives interacting in similar spheres -- the more likely he will show up. But if it was a connection made through something online or a bar -- you might not have as good of a chance of him popping up randomly. I know that can be anxious because you just don't know what time frame you're dealing with and then you have feelings, it would be nice to have closure on what happened and move forward one way or another. I can say online dating produces the most ghosting. Do you have him on Facebook or other social media accounts? His silence is really strong here. I do suggest not contacting him since you sent so many messages and let him come back to you. Perhaps table it for about 30 to 45 days-ish and then send a random, short, happy text / email to see if he'll reply. I wish we knew why he was not interacting with you. I hope this helps.

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      Lanna 2 days ago

      I wish I did have a way of knowing anything else of what is going on, no I don't have his Facebook or any other social media

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