Andrea has been an online writer for over five years. She's a dating consultant who gives advice on relationships and couples' issues.
So, you want to know if the guy you have your eye on also likes you. One of the best ways to tell if someone likes you is by reading their body language when they're around you. From the head down to the toes, there are many subtle (and often unconscious) gestures that indicate whether a person likes you or thinks you are nothing but milquetoast.
Sometimes, it can be tricky to figure out whether a guy likes you or not, especially because having a crush on a guy might prevent you from seeing things as they really are. The signs might all be there, but you just don't want to accept it. Well, a reality check won't hurt you! (Well, it actually might, but sometimes a harsh wake-up call is necessary.) If you need to move on and find somebody else, the best time to figure it out is early on, before you've invested too much time and emotion.
In this article, we will discuss the body language and actions that prove he just isn't into you, as well as some ways to get a shy guy's attention. So, sit back, relax, and try not to take yourself too seriously. Drink some wine or eat some chocolate if you need to tend to the wounds of your unrequited sorrows. We've all been there!
29 Actions and Body Language Clues That Show He Isn't Interested in You
If you're not sure how a guy feels about you and you don't want to ask him straight up, you should watch his body language. When a man likes you, his body language will be open, but when he is uninterested, he will likely show it via negative body language and actions.
Many of these nonverbal clues are unconscious and can teach you a lot about how someone really sees you. At the end of the day, it should be fairly easy to tell if he is interested. Here are 29 signs to watch out for.
1. He's Distracted When You Talk.
If he isn't engaged in conversation and seems like he is focused elsewhere, this could mean he just isn't that interested. You talk, he is on his phone. You smile, he is clearly daydreaming. You ask about his plans, he says he doesn't know.
When guys are trying to impress you, they'll make sure to pay close attention to what you're saying, especially in the early stages. It should be pretty easy to tell if he isn't paying attention or doesn't care about the interaction. Look for the following cues:
- Does he only respond with one-word answers and comments?
- Are his facial expressions neutral to negative?
- Does he look at your lips and eyes, or does he look at anything but you (including his wristwatch)?
- Does he seem distracted or dumbfounded?
- Does he shift around in his seat a lot?
- Does he act uncomfortable and overly fidgety?
Note: He might check out mentally if he is really nervous and your presence intimidates him, so again, don't take this one signal as a sure sign he isn't into you.
2. His Eyes Are on Someone Else.
If he was trying to impress you, he wouldn't constantly be checking someone else out in front of you and not giving you attention. Talking about the other person or saying out loud that he has feelings for someone else means he doesn't care about your romantic feelings. That's just plain stupid to do to a gal. He isn't trying to make you jealous. He is interested in someone else.
Note: This doesn't only apply to people. If his gaze is on everything but you, person and object alike, that's a bad sign.
3. He's Visibly Bored.
His gestures will reveal that he is bored. He might yawn, stretch, respond with the same minimal answers (yeah, mhm, sure, right, etc.) or never ask questions beyond "when?" "where?" and so on. These gestures indicate boredom and should be your cue to either try to steer the conversation in another direction or abandon ship.
4. He's Constantly Watching the Clock.
Talk about showing signs of boredom! If he's always asking about the time, staring at his watch, or talking about time constraints, it's pretty clear that he'd rather be anywhere else.
5. He Can't Wait to Leave.
He's always preparing to leave, uncrossing his legs, picking up his bags, straightening his clothing, etc. Someone who is engaged in conversation and excited to be around you will try to make it last, so if he's always on the edge of his seat (and not in a good way), he's less than interested in you.
6. He Doesn't Face You.
This sign goes hand-in-hand with the one above. Angling himself away from you while you're talking keeps him from ever fully entering into the conversation. Whether he's checking the clock or his surroundings, his attention isn't 100% on you, as it should be. A guy who is into you will face your direction when you talk together.
7. He Doesn't Pay the Bill.
If you go out to eat on a first date or hang out, usually the guy tries to signal something by buying your meal. He might be keeping it platonic by splitting the check . . . or he is a cheapskate and you don't want to spend time with him anyway. Most guys reach for the bill when interested.
8. He's Physically Closed Off.
When a guy isn't interested in you, he'll cross his arms, legs, and anything there is to cross. This closed-off body language is often paired with other signals, but it can be pretty telling even on its own. Open, attentive, and engaged body language shows more interest.
9. He Keeps His Distance.
When you are sitting on the couch together, there is a noticeable amount of space between the two of you. In fact, it's almost as though a force is pushing the two of you away from each other.
A guy who is interested will do what he can to close the gap. And touch you. He will find a way to touch you. If you come into his personal bubble and he steps away to readjust the parameters, that isn't a good sign.
10. He Never Touches You and He Doesn't Like It When You Touch Him.
If he never, ever finds an excuse to touch you—not even for a high five—then most likely he isn't interested. Whether it's a hug, holding your hand, or giving you a playful shove, a guy who's interested in you will find a creative way to interact with you.
If the most romantic gesture he has ever made is shaking your hand, there clearly isn't a lot of room for romance. You're more likely friends or acquaintances. And if he recoils when you touch him? That' is a very clear sign that he is not into you.
Note: If he used to give you hugs, and that has now stopped and he goes from A to B without talking to you or touching you, he has lost interest.
11. He Acts Differently Around Other Women.
You notice that he has more open body language and is more comfortable with other women. This should be a clear sign that he isn't interested. Clearly, he can have open body language, so if he is shutting down around you, I wouldn't take that as him being shy. He may be socially awkward, but he does seem to be able to open up to others.
12. His Feet Point Away From You.
This sign goes hand-in-hand with the one above. Our feet point in the direction of what we desire—so if his are pointing anywhere but at you, that's not a great sign.
13. He Doesn't Walk in Step With You.
When guys are interested and caught up in what you have to say, they walk at the same pace. They don't fall behind or walk too fast. If this is consistently out of sync, it's more than him just having a busy mind one day.
14. He Never Sits By You or Near You.
Guys who like someone want to be around that person, meaning they'll choose to sit or stand by them in a group—anything they can do to stay nearby. If he never sits next to you or chooses to hang out around you, he probably isn't interested.
Consider the proximity he has with you. Is there always distance between you, even when it would be easy for him to close the gap? As hard as it might be to accept, he probably doesn't like you.
15. He Never Approaches You.
Let's say you two are in the same room at a party. Does he make a point to come over and talk to you or does the whole evening go by without him saying a word to you? If he's interested, he'll come over and talk to you. A guy who's interested in you wouldn't pass up an opportunity to chat you up, especially if he already knows you.
Note: If he notices you're there and walks the other direction, you should take that as a clear signal that he is not interested in you and move on.
16. He Doesn't Seem to Notice You.
Let's keep with the idea of the two of you in the same room at a party. Does he even notice you're there? Unless he's extremely shy, if his eyes never meet yours and he makes no move in your direction, it's possible that you're you are just a blip on his radar.
17. He Avoids Making Eye Contact.
There are two main reasons a guy will avoid making eye contact with you: he's intimidated by you or he's trying to avoid you. In the case of the former, a little time should help him get over his nervousness around you. But if he consistently fails to make eye contact and he displays some of the other negative body language in this article, it's probably the latter, and you should move on to someone better.
18. He Doesn't Stick Around to Chat.
When he talks to you, he never lingers. Sticking around gives him the chance to build a romance, so if he doesn't linger, then it is all business. I've said it before, and I'll say it again—if a guy is interested in you, he will take every opportunity to be around you. If he's interested, he'll keep the dialogue going and make sure that you get the drift.
19. He's Won't Stop Looking at His Phone.
He is way, way more into his cellphone than the date. You really shouldn't bring out a cellphone during a date, to begin with. It's rude, and if it's all he seems to care about when he's with you, that's a bad sign. You deserve better!
20. He Doesn't Dress to Impress.
Instead of taking the time to spruce himself up and look nice for you, he wears whatever he wore to bed, smelling of last year's old laundry. If he wanted to impress you, he would dress nicer.
21. He Doesn't Adjust His Appearance.
From smoothing down his shirt to running his hand through his hair for the umpteenth time, a guy who's interested in you romantically will make lots of these little adjustments. This attention to his physical appearance shows that he cares what you think and wants you to find him attractive, so if a guy is content to go through an entire interaction with spinach in his teeth, he probably doesn't see you as a romantic prospect.
22. He Doesn't Open Any Doors for You.
This includes car doors. When a guy likes you as more than a friend, he'll try to show you in any way he can. Little things like opening the door for you show that he's polite and is thinking of you.
23. He Never Calls or Texts.
If a guy likes you, he won't hesitate to reach out about seeing you again. If, on the other hand, you only get radio silence from him, that's a strong indicator that he isn't interested in you.
24. He's Gross Around You.
He feels comfortable burping, farting, and saying crude things around you. His gestures come off as stiff and lazy. He doesn't take care of his breath. He eats garlic.
While it's great to be comfortable around the person you like, the burping-and-farting level of comfortable usually comes once you've been dating for a while. None of these moves scream that he is trying to romance you, so beware if he's hitting you with them straight out of the gate.
25. He Doesn't Do Anything to Make You Feel Special.
If this guy treats you exactly the same way he treats everyone else, I can guarantee that he doesn't think of you as a romantic prospect. Whether or not he means to, when a guy likes you, he'll treat you differently than he treats other people.
26. He Shows No Emotion.
Facial cues can tell you a lot about how a person sees you, and if he has blank or neutral facial expressions, that's a bad sign. He should smile and his eyes should show emotion if he likes you. When his expression fails to indicate any interest in you and what you're saying, that's basically the facial equivalent of answering every question with "Mhm." He's mentally checked out of the interaction.
When a man is attracted to you, he will try his hardest to be engaging and look engaged. This means moving through a range of expressions, from smiling and laughing to looking curious about what you'll say next.
If he maintains a straight face the whole time you two are together, you should cut your losses and move on. Besides, who would want to be with someone like that anyway?
27. He Interrupts You.
He doesn't let you speak. He is more concentrated on his own thoughts and looks mad or irritated. A guy who won't let you get a word in edgewise is a guy who doesn't care about you (and a guy you really don't want to be with).
Being interested in you means asking questions and listening to what you have to say. If he shows no desire to learn about you and would rather hear the sound of his own voice, get out of there, stat. The only person he's interested in is himself.
28. He Leaves You Alone for Long Periods of Time.
He separates from you for hours at a time with no explanation. For example, you might go to a party together and leave separately several hours later. One more time—if a guy is interested in you, he will want to be around you. So if he makes no effort to stay near you, you should probably set your sights elsewhere.
29. He Doesn't Like It When You Are in His Space.
He always readjusts when you are too much in his personal bubble. If you notice that instead of leaning toward you when you're talking, he leans away, that's a fairly strong indicator that he isn't into you. He's not interested in getting close to you, and he doesn't like when you try to close the gap.
Body Language Is Easy to Misinterpret.
Did he cross his arms because he doesn't like you, or is he just cold? Did he lean away from you because he's not interested, or is he just worried his breath is funky? It is dangerously easy to misinterpret body language, so it's important to look at multiple gestures rather than a single one.
So before you write a guy off completely for the direction his feet are pointing, consider this excerpt from The Definitive Book of Body Language.
One of the most serious errors a novice in body language can make is to interpret a solitary gesture in isolation of other gestures or circumstances. [...] Gestures come in 'sentences' called clusters and invariably reveal the truth about a person's feelings or attitudes. A body language cluster, just like a verbal sentence, needs at least three words in it before you can accurately define each of the words. The 'perceptive' person is the one who can read the body language sentences and accurately match them against the person's verbal sentences. (Pease 21)
Obvious Signs That He Doesn't Like You
Most of the signals above aren't damning on their own; he might be distracted during a conversation because he's got a lot going on at work, and so on, but there are a few sure signs that shouldn't be ignored.
Red Flags That He Isn't Into You
If you're just getting to know a guy, and you see any of the following signs, that's an immediate signal to cut your losses and move on.
- When you enter a room, he gets out as quickly as possible.
- He doesn't know or remember your name, even though you've met quite a few times.
- He doesn't laugh at your jokes. In fact, he actually says your jokes are terrible and would like for you to never use them again.
- When you touch him, he asks you to stop. He is disgusted by the presence of your hands on his body.
- He has no capacity for staying more than 30 minutes around you.
- He always looks angry and annoyed when he sees you.
Definite Signs That He's Losing Interest in Your Relationship
If you're already dating, heavily invested, or even married, and any of the following are true, you may need to seriously reconsider your relationship or seek out counseling. All relationships have ups and downs, but if you are feeling unappreciated or feel like the "spark" has faded, consider outside support.
Are you wondering if your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband is not that into you? Here are some red flags to watch out for:
- There's no physical spark. When he kisses you, it is short, brief, and lacks passion.
- He never cuddles with you. Men do, in fact, like to cuddle. Instead, he pushes you away and says you are clingy.
- He's always looking at his feet. This could be a really bad sign that he is hiding something or is feeling beyond insecure.
- He cuts people off and tries to prevent them from sharing details about him. He makes gestures for people to keep quiet. He could be cheating or up to no good.
What If I Still Can't Tell Whether He Likes Me?
If it seems like it is taking forever to figure out whether a guy likes you, ask him what's up and do it in a way that would make you feel comfortable if it were the other way around. Ask him if he sees you as a mere acquaintance, a friend, or more than a friend. Don't be afraid to ask, but also be prepared for a less-than-satisfactory answer.
Is He Uninterested or Just Shy?
A lot of men will take charge and pursue you, but there are some shy guys who would rather not put themselves out there. From being introverted to being afraid of rejection, there are a lot of reasons a guy might be shy or hesitant about approaching you (and you may well empathize with some of them!).
So if you suspect that the guy you have your eye on might just be shy, here are a few ways to get his attention.
Ways to Get a Shy Guy's Attention
- Find a Common Interest. Sometimes that initial icebreaker is all it takes to get a guy's attention. Ask questions about what he did in school, his job, if he has a big family, his hobbies, his favorite foods, etc. One of those questions should trigger a full-on conversation. He'll get more excited and interested if he knows what to talk about with you.
- Meet Him in the Middle. Create an atmosphere where he feels in his element. This might be a more private environment or a place where he feels comfortable. This will help boost his confidence and make it more likely that you two will hit it off.
- Use His Name in Conversation. This will make it clear that you've noticed him and are engaged by him.
- Compliment Him. This will make it clear to him that he shouldn't be afraid to return the favor.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions. Showing curiosity and genuine interest in him should inspire the same feelings in him.
- Initiate Physical Contact. A subtle touch to his elbow or friendly punch on the shoulder will invite him to reciprocate. Note that this should only be done after you've been chatting for a while and you've gotten some signs that he is into you.
Don't be afraid to start a random conversation. You never know how it might turn out!
At the End of the Day, Just Be Yourself
Most guys are looking for someone they can really enjoy. That's when they're wanting a long-term relationship. You can't force love, so don't try too hard. Just be yourself. Love will find a way. There are lots of people you'll get to meet in this lifetime, so don't settle on someone who isn't interested in you.
Questions & Answers
Question: I go to his room, we talk. He holds my hand and kisses me, touching me. I had started liking him four years ago. But after that, he doesn't say anything. He looks cold, and we take pictures, but he asks me to save it to private. I don't know how he actually feels. It's stressing me out. What does it all mean?
Answer: It sounds like he likes you. He may want some amount of privacy. Do you know if he is seeing anyone else? Tell him how you feel. Ask him what you want to know. Feeling comfortable communicating is important.
© 2016 Andrea Lawrence
CcBruins on June 08, 2020:
We use to talk none stop it seems, finally met up for the first time, things went good but now he’s barely talking to me he told me before he wanted a relationship but then in person told me he “ he thought he was ready for a relationship but isn’t because he just got out of one not to long who and isn’t sure And he was with her for 3 years , but he likes me still and wants to keep talking “ so I don’t know what to do I feel hurt and used ...
Lulu on May 24, 2020:
He never texts me i always start the conversation ....i could see he was online few mins ago but not responding ...i talked him out he said "do we have to talk all the time"
Invisiblegirl32574 on December 17, 2019:
Mine plays games all night on his phone. He never compliments me. He rarely talks to me. Never initiated sex.if I do he will reject sometimes and say his body hurts or he’s too tired. When other girls come over he talks to them and sits closer to them. Of course they think is a great man. Well sadly they don’t know how he really is and I wish I didn’t either. He says he loves me but his actions seem to say different. He also accuses me of cheating on him and picks fights if I leave the house when he’s at work. He only calls when he thinks someone else is paying attention to me.
superwoman on October 07, 2019:
he's always into his phone playing games.
he only talks to me when i'm alone..In public he always ignores me, doesn't even bothers to look at my face.
he only touches me when he wants to have sex..other times he just pushes me away when i place my hands on him.
doesn't even bother to say goodnight and sleep.
always sleeps in 3 seconds so he doesn't have to talk to me.
only takes time for me when HE WANTS TO. not when i ask him to spend some tim with me.
he calls his dick TOM.
never appreciates my jokes...........
calls my boobs "little things"
always tells me crappy jokes
and laughs like Denver from Money Heist. [khiiihihihihiihkkhhhiiii]
all his pickup lines are from BB ki Vines -_-
calls his dick "pickup truck"
only gives me attention when he's done watching a series.
liliy on September 20, 2019:
he say im so disguesting
Medha Singh on September 05, 2019:
He can normally talk to me whenever Im with other people. But I don't know what happend to them when he used to be alone with me, they used to outside, and try to let me go, they can't spend time with me? Is it because they don't like me, or talk normally as formality or what?
Wonderwoman on August 14, 2019:
I'm dating a guy, he always text me all day that i run out of things to say. He says he love me. We both play one sport during my training he notices my actions and even sometimes when he is on training and i'm just sitting down on the bench. He joined my teams males team and asked for my jersey number. But he never approch me first or come sit next to me. Does he really like me or i'm just someone he just wanna waste time on
Susie Nalley on June 09, 2019:
We got together a year ago he was so sweet and loving to me one day he took one set of clothes walked out went back to his house ever since then he's blame me for everything but then he tells me he loves me I don't understand him getting mad never touching me and kissing me anymore holding me has nothing to do with me anymore now I'm living with i dont know how come he blame me gor everything he till me im bad to everyone i dont know his friend .He never told me there name but he says i look at them like i hate them .
Someonebroken on April 20, 2019:
Me and my roomate seems have feeling for each other....we keep flirt each other at night when we sleep like....we touch each other and pretend we are sleeping....until one day i hear he whisper if you like me if you want me....why dont you say....after that....i confess to him, but he just silent...dont answer anything....and i jug him...first he not doing anything and then he push me away......after that day...he start ignore me........i know its seems my fault...but i just dont like this feeling....i keep thinking about him, blaming my self and miss him.....what should i do? Should i move on?
Anitah on March 17, 2019:
i still love you
OBIDIEGWU CHIAMAKA on September 29, 2018:
I hasn't changed anything .I'm still lonely .
t on July 02, 2018:
Thank you for this article. It's really is an insight.
Yes, relationship is confusing for young people and inexperience people.
I must say I am above average. I am an attractive woman. I often get attention from guys wherever I go. Strangers approached me gave me their numbers or asked to be my friend or a chance to get to know me.
I grew up never have to worry about liking any guys and or about if they like me back. I always concentrate on my career, education and family. I am very picky, religious and conservative. However, I am also naïve.
One time I met a guy at work, I am Asian he is white. He gave me all the signs that he is interested in me and then it took me a long time close to a year to decide to go out with him and had no clue that he just wanted to sleep with me and not wanting to know about my family. He is a player and he played well. He said he has been very patient with me. I decided to break him off which he was surprised, because I am a strong woman.
So I got played in a way. My now (white) boyfriend of 17 years and he wanted to know all about my family. He's loyal and faithful. Different racial, or culture does not make a difference in relationship when two people honestly love each other. The other guy just used the excuse as "We are so different from much different background and family" that's is BS. He just wants to use me.
Well, I am naïve and guy like that took advantage. Watch out ladies.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 12, 2018:
Need more than this information to know.
ladayia on April 11, 2018:
i want to know do he like me
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on April 06, 2018:
1. How old are you?
2. Most people... honestly probably don't care.
3. It's your business, not there's.
4. Perhaps they're getting upset with you for a different reason. Unless they're blatantly telling you these things, and you can't open up a dialogue with them, don't have a knee jerk reaction to condemn women.
John on April 05, 2018:
This is what ticks me off - I'm a guy who doesn't date and isn't interested in a relationship. I DO NOT lead women on. I am courteous and professional, but I do not give signs I am interested because I'm not. But I've had women get mad at me because I don't make any moves. It's as if I don't have the right not to like them. I've had women gossip about me, wondering "what's wrong with him" because I don't ask anyone out. Why can't women just be courteous and professional with me, as I am with them, and leave me alone?
Betty on March 27, 2018:
I would like to say a guy gave me his number and told me to called him. I did not called him because I feel like he should have asked for my number and called me. Was this guy interested in me
Lianna on March 20, 2018:
This guy seems to notice me, but I'm not sure. He doesn't talk to me or even look at me sometimes. I don't know why.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on February 02, 2018:
She's a keeper. And was very smart in her approach.
Ed on January 30, 2018:
Great article and advice! This is pretty much how my wife figured me out and eventually "nabbed" me. LOL! I thought it was the other way around. For me, it was love at first sight, but I didn't know how to talk to her. She's always read me perfect. So, one day she asked me to be honest and express my thoughts no matter how it sounded. I did that and we've never looked back.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on November 06, 2016:
If he is still talking to you after finding out you like him.... this is probably a good sign. I can understand being shy, but I think if you keep being around him and positive, it'll probably open up on its own. If he stopped talking to you, and his behavior changed a lot -- then you'd have a problem. He's probably trying to be sensitive to you and test the waters. Keep it positive! Stay friendly and flirty. If you feel in your heart you need to ask him about his intentions, then do. Make sure you are comfortable with how things go. Sounds like a nice guy.
Anne on November 02, 2016:
I forgot to mention that he was still talking to me after he found out that i like him. He didn't act any different.
Anne on November 02, 2016:
The problem is guys don't go for me so it's hard for me to tell when they like me or don't. There is this guy that i like and when someone told him my feelings, his reaction was kind of confusing. Apparently, he initially just smiled and said that she was lying. He didn't laugh though. When another friend of mine asked how he felt about what that person said, he again just smiled and walked away. Sometimes i'll catch him looking in my direction as if he wants to say something, but whenever we are talking, he doesn't really give off the body language in a negative or positive way. He goes out of his way to make me laugh, but we don't really touch. We do flirt a lot. My question is, should I wait for him to confront me? I am really shy and afraid that i'll ruin our friendship.
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on August 21, 2016:
It is true! I went for a wide set of examples; focusing on one part of the relationship cycle was making my content too short.
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on August 21, 2016:
The article seems to speak for different stages of relationships--sometimes casual, sometimes more involved. Anyway, if we can figure out where we are, we will find your observations most helpful. Thanks.