6 Reasons to Date a Guy in a Stormtrooper Suit
When it comes to imagining ideal boyfriends, you should reach for the stars- or better yet, Star Wars! The universe's most eligible bachelors hail from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
You might think that the most datable personages from Star Wars would be bounty hunters (to be sure, Boba Fett is quite a catch, but more on that later), or perhaps Jedi, but you are quaintly mistaken. The best potential boyfriends of them all are Stormtroopers. I'll give you six reasons why.
You've Got to Love a Man in Uniform
There is a classic, timeless allure of a man in a uniform. Military uniforms especially have a legacy of good design and admirable functionality.
In the Star Wars universe, there a many, many uniforms, but Stormtrooper suits trump them all. Inspired by the sketches of conceptual designer Ralph McQuarrie and produced by Production Designer John Barry and Costume Designer John Mollo with the help of George Lucas, these shiny, white, form-fitting plastic stormtrooper costumes are by far the coolest garments to make it to the series. They are bold, crisp, and make satisfying clicking sounds when in movement. What's more, Stormtrooper helmets are the only pieces of headgear that come CLOSE to the ever-honorable Vader mask.
If He Can Wear a Stormtrooper Costume, He's Probably Svelte
First: svelte is a brilliant word. Second: anyone (successfully) wearing a Stormtrooper suit must be so. The Stormtrooper outfit is a rather form-fitting one, and there's not really anywhere to hide a wanting form. Contrast that to Jedi robes and you'll see one of the major advantages of opting for a Stormtrooper date over a Jedi plus one.
Stormtrooper Costumes are the Male Equivalent of High Heels
Though they highlight the leg, add lift, and (if walked in properly) look quite elegant, high heels undoubtedly limit a woman's ability to move. Perhaps that is part of the reason why they are considered to be sexy.
If vulnerability can be seen as a sexy attribute, one can easily see that Stormtrooper suits offer the same benefits. Stormtrooper uniforms, after all, limit movement, are very easy to spot (making the wearers easy targets), and appear to offer little protection from blaster fire. Most importantly, as the Stormtrooper helmet limits one's peripheral vision, your Stormtrooper hubby will only have eyes for YOU.
Of course, one does not want a wimpy date, but that is not an issue with Stormtroopers, who are obviously trained in combat, armed, and clad in armor (albeit a bit flawed) of a most manly fashion.
He's in Good Company
Obviously everyone loves Boba Fett. But there's a problem with that - Boba Fett is only one man. There's only so much Boba to go around.
But here's the thing - Boba Fett is a clone of Jango Fett. And Stormtroopers are clones of Jango Fett. Ergo.... WIN.
What I'm trying to say is that Stormtroopers are of the same ilk, and obviously this is awesome ilk. What's more, if a girl gets dumped by one Stormtrooper, she can rest assured that there are plenty more exact copies where that came from! Boy, if that isn't ideal, I don't know what is.
Who Doesn't Want to Date the Bad Boy?
It is well understood that the bad boys get all the girls. I mean, gosh golly, they're so dern exciting!
When compared to drinking, smoking, leather jacket-wearing high school miscreants, Stormtroopers are infinitely superior. For the love of god, they fight for the DARK SIDE. What is more badass than that?
You might retort that the high school equivalent of a man in a Stormtrooper costume is an awkward geek, but that argument isn't even valid. Geeks are the new heroes. Everyone wants to be a geek or nerd. Get with the times.
Indeed, Stormtroopers offer the best of all worlds when it comes to eligible bad boy bachelors. They're bad; there's no doubt about that, but they're also not the type to turn into total deadbeats (that is, unless they get shot or otherwise maimed by a Jedi... or Vader... or...). Stormtroopers are disciplined. Respectable. Coordinated. And genetically designed for perfection.
It Could Be Han Solo in There!
Perhaps you're like "bitch, please, I don't date clones." Or maybe you have an issue for guys who have joined with the dark side. But might I remind you that many a good guy has, in his time, disguised himself in Stormtrooper duds? Including the one and only Han Solo? I need say no more.
Even if it isn't Han Solo hiding behind that Stormtrooper mask, can you not deny the allure of the mystery? Who knows who is behind the mask? It could be anyone! Many a girl has fallen for the mysterious man who hides behind a mask of mystery and honor. In the case of Stormtroopers, this mask is quite literal. Plus it's shiny. Bonus!!
I suppose the only downside to dating a Stormtrooper is that they're rather hard to come by (either they're from a land far, far away or they're worn by the few who can afford rather costly Stormtooper costumes).
On that note, happy hunting girls! May the Force be with you.
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