7 Questions You Should Never Ask Your Boyfriend
It's true that being open and honest with your partner is extremely important. The healthiest couples confide in each other, talk about their fears and aspirations and trust each other completely. However, there are also questions that must be avoided - the answers won't have any positive impact on you or him, asking them makes you both uncomfortable, and most of the time they make you look insecure or not confident. Let's take a look at a few questions you should never ask your boyfriend.
1. How many women have you slept with?
You may be curious, but it's never a good idea to ask your boyfriend about his past relationships and one night stands - what is knowing how many women he's been with going to do for you? The answer is nothing.
If he's been with a lot of women, chances are you're going to feel like he'll sleep with anyone and everyone, given the chance, and that he could be a 'jack-the-lad' who doesn't see sex as a personal thing. If he answers that he hasn't been with very many women at all, you might find yourself wondering - if he doesn't give it up easily, who were special enough that he did?
Also keep in mind that if you ask him this question, be prepared to answer it yourself! He will naturally want to know the answer from your side too, and you might not want to reveal something so personal, and something that really has no effect on your current relationship.
2. Is she prettier/funnier than me?
Whether you're referring to his colleague, classmate or friend, this question won't achieve anything except awkwardness. Jealousy is a natural thing that we humans fight to control - and asking questions that compare you, his girlfriend, to another woman, just confirms your jealousy and insecurity.
Plus, are any of the possible answers going to make you feel better? "Yes, she's prettier" will upset you, maybe make you angry or feel unattractive. If the answer is "no, you're prettier", you may just feel like he's lying, or saying what he's obligated to say. And there's also the possibility of "what? That's ridiculous", which creates tension and unpleasantness between you both. He won't understand why you've asked, and you won't really find out (or believe) the truth. Save yourself, and him, a headache by avoiding the question - and reassuring yourself that if he liked her more, he'd probably be with her, and not you.
3. Do I do this better than your ex?
We can't help that most of us have some kind of ex-relationship that may or may not affect your current one. An example of a bad idea is to ask your boyfriend if you're better than his ex in any way - whether it be in your looks or your cooking skills. Dragging up a past relationship will make him feel uncomfortable and unsure what to say. Similarly to the last question, what kind of reply are you looking for? An obligated "you're better in every way", or an honest answer you might not like?
Comparing yourself to an ex-girlfriend just shows that you're not fully comfortable with yourself, and can actually be very unattractive. You'll come off as jealous and obsessed with someone who he sees as part of his past. He's with you, and isn't thinking about your ex, so don't trouble yourself with thinking about his.
How would you feel if you knew your man watched porn?
4. Do you watch porn?
Most men in the world watch pornography - and that's okay. It's a fairly natural thing, and if a man has access to a computer, chances are he will have watched porn at some time or another. Watching it doesn't take away from the fact that he's with you - if you're not around, for example, he might find a need for it. If you have a feeling he does watch it, don't worry about it. It's normal - think of it as you looking at a male model and finding him attractive, but it doesn't make you love your boyfriend any less.
Asking him if he watches porn will either lead to embarrassment or lying - and you don't need either of those in your relationship. Leave this one be.
5. Do you think I'm getting fat?
Asking this or any other question to do with your looks and weight is another way to make your boyfriend feel put on the spot, awkward and uncomfortable. If you're unhappy with how you look, then you can change it, if possible - you don't need him to tell you so. Asking if you're fat will either trigger an automatic quick response: "No way!" or, if he's more honest, he might say "well, yes, you could do with losing a few pounds." The latter will probably make you feel awful and wish you'd never asked, so do yourself a favour and don't ask.
6. Who just texted/called you?
If your boyfriend's phone rings or beeps, you might wonder who it is. Asking, however, can make you look insecure. Think of it as winning a point when you don't ask. Chances are it could be an unknown number, the telephone company, or maybe his mum. Don't embarrass yourself if you don't have to.
7. What would you do if I got pregnant?
Of course, this question depends entirely on the relationship itself - if you've been married for years and you're looking to raise a family, then of course by all means, ask this question if it's appropriate. But if you're a couple of eighteen-year-olds who've been seeing each other for a month or so, stay away from this question completely. It'll completely throw him off guard - his first thought would probably be "wait - is she pregnant?!" and if you'r not, talking about it would be completely pointless, and prove that you're "testing" him on how serious he is about you. Don't worry about pregnancy unless you are actually pregnant; otherwise, this question isn't worth asking.
There are plenty of ways "around" the above questions, including self-reassurance. You don't need to know absolutely everything about your boyfriend, even if you've been together for years. There are some things best left alone, and knowing the answers to questions like these isn't going to make you feel any better. Save your relationship, be confident, enjoy each other, and love freely without insecurities and misery.
© 2014 Poppy