Anti-Valentine writes about a variety of topics, including affiliate marketing, online trading, music, the auto industry, and home security.
I’m Just a Sexy Boy . . .
Okay, you're likely going to hate me a little bit after you read all this. I say go ahead: I'm used to it by now.
I'm a pretty boy. I always have been. I've been called names by people, and it was usually unprovoked. I'll be minding my own business, and I'll hear some guy say, "he thinks he's so beautiful," or "he thinks he's so cool."
They're more likely to target me and focus on my shortcomings or faults. That's what people always do with beautiful things. They find ways to point out its flaws. It's human nature to defile and destroy beautiful things after all. We know this by now.
And like I said before—I'm used to being hated for that exact reason. But I don't just sit there and think: "Why? Why don't they like me?! Everybody hates me!" while crying into my pillow like some might.
I'm not just a pretty face as they say. I am a thinker, and I develop my own theories. I might not have studied psychology or whatnot at a fancy university. I don't need a piece of paper from some rinky-dink college telling me that I know people's minds.
Theory is all well and good, but real-world experience; practical, hands-on experience with people will likely teach you much more. Everybody I knew in high school wanted to be a psychologist, and yet they were the ones who struck me as being out of touch, and ignorant on the matter at hand—whatever it was. And they were likely the ones that caused psychological issues in others in the first place too, at that.
Anyhow, I have come up with several reasons why not everybody likes a pretty boy—not even all women do.
A pretty boy is an attractive male, with above-average looks, perhaps with feminine facial features, who some might regard as being effeminate as far as the way they look or dress. This doesn't necessarily mean that the mannerisms that they display are that of an effeminate male, although it might.
I don't carry a handbag or wave my hand around like a periscope on a submarine, for example, and I like to wear black a lot, instead of bright, flashy colours. Pretty boys are usually not very well built either, but there are exceptions, obviously. Some guys are said to have childbearing hips too. Their legs could be more developed than their upper body is. They're often teased or bullied by other guys because of these traits.
An example of a pretty boy would include the likes of David Beckham, or like the subtitle suggests, Michael Hickenbottom, AKA Shawn Michaels, in his prime during his career, for instance. Some have even called Prince William a pretty boy. Brad Pitt would qualify, for sure.
I'm a good-looking guy. My self-esteem isn't so low that I can't say it. I've always thought myself to be more attractive than a lot of guys, and even some girls, around me. I have long dark blond hair, blue eyes, and a bit of a slender jawline. When I was younger, all the women said I was destined to be a ladykiller one day.
Of course, a ladykiller in this sense isn't a serial killer, but one who seduces women with charm (although Ted Bundy was both). Good looks can definitely help in this matter.
You want a picture of me as proof? Well, no. You'll just have to take my word for it. I had a profile picture up at one point but I started to get hate mail. Not really. Some women (hopefully!) did email me and said that "they liked what they saw"—and of course, my distrustful nature led me to think that there were ulterior motives.
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With spammers, there always is that possibility. That and I like to remain anonymous. I don't want people getting my picture and looking for me on the streets with a dagger in hand—especially after this article.
"That’s what people always do with beautiful things. They find ways to point out its flaws. It’s human nature to defile and destroy beautiful things."
Why Men Don’t Like Pretty Boys
A guy with long hair usually draws attention, and it isn't always positive. My thoughts on this are that because hair thinning and baldness are common throughout the world, it's likely that people, especially men, become jealous when they see a full head of hair on another guy. And because of my long hair, I've gotten some stares—like in a takeout place years ago, some bald guy with a cap was looking at me. It's obvious.
Another reason why most men don't like an attractive guy that much is because they're threatened. They know that the odds are they will draw a lot of attention from the crowd wherever they go: particularly female attention.
Of course, nowadays, with all these con artists—erm, I mean pickup artists or "PUAs"—around trying to flog their books and so on about how to seduce women and get laid and so on, even an average looking Joe stands a chance—or so they say.
The truth is that good looks are a nice bonus to have to match the self-confidence, self-control, and sense of humour that works on women. That's right, I've heard about the "three S's." Not that I've read the books, however. Why read books when you can get the info for free on the web anyway?
Good looks will get you noticed more than ugly features will. Even women, who are supposed to be less shallow and materialistic (*cough*), will say that a guy should be good-looking when he approaches a woman—otherwise, how will he be able to pull off whatever he has in mind?
I've heard stories about how a good-looking guy would walk into a bar, and immediately guys started walking up to him. Hang on. It's not what it sounds like. It wasn't a gay bar or anything. Please continue reading.
The guys were coming up to him to tell him to stay away from "their" women and even being as gracious as to point them out. A good-looking guy not only makes other men jealous but makes them insecure. This demonstrates it: that a guy would actually feel as though he has to talk to a guy and tell him not to go after his girl just as he walks into the place.
Another reason why a guy might not like an attractive or pretty male is that they think they're gay. This is also such a sign of insecurity and a backward way of thought. For several years now, metrosexuality has been around, and more and more men are taking care of their looks and not "letting themselves go," like the older generations did.
So if one of these guys sees some dude walking around with nice hair, a clear complexion, and maybe even some makeup on, he thinks: "he must be gay." This idea can be reinforced particularly if this guy usually hangs around with other men or if guys who really are gay try to hit on him all the time.
This isn't always the case, though, especially nowadays. I didn't really ever think I was a metro, but then I look at all the creams and products I use. Yes, I suppose I could be . . . like a semi-metro, or something.
I try to take care of myself when I have to. Then again, I haven't had a haircut in over two years. What's the point? It'll grow back anyway, right? I save quite a bit of money in that regard.
Another theory of mine is that the guy who hates on the pretty boy is actually gay himself, or latently homosexual—which means it isn't fully realized yet. He might be attracted to the man in question, and it might even get to the point of having sexual fantasies involving this other man.
This no doubt starts to make him doubt his sexuality, and he might curse the day this other guy was born. So his reaction is, because of how the pretty male has made him feel, he must lash out and do everything in his power to make it known or convince himself that he doesn't like this guy, to make himself feel more masculine, and reassure himself that his heterosexuality is still intact.
These feelings can be exacerbated or made worse if a guy is single and has been for some time, and perhaps if they are misogynistic towards women, perhaps because of their lack of luck in love or lust.
Also, all this stuff that society and the media would have you believe about sexuality can mess with your head and put things out of perspective. It makes the doubts that creep in even worse.
Most men aren't liberal in this matter. They would never admit that they are actually attracted to another man—because "dude, that's gay." Some guys, like David Beckham for instance, are more liberal and can talk about it and be more honest and open about their feelings.
I once read about the scandal surrounding David and that Rebecca "The Floozy" Loos. She claimed he would talk about which men he found attractive and so on. And this was after they'd done the deed too.
It's like the saying: metrosexuals aren't gay, but they're close. Not even all metrosexuals are pretty boys, for that matter.
Women however do this all the time. They look at other women and even kiss each other . . . on the lips. You wouldn't see a lot of men do this.
I remember how this was explored in a sitcom called 'Til Death at one stage, when Eddie, Brad Garrett's character, said that some actor made him experience these weird feelings and that he'd told his wife about it. I've also read about guys who do actually talk to their wives about feeling "hot" about another guy.
It's a male crush, and guys are becoming more and more open about it. There have been some movies and so on about bromance and whatever humourous neologisms they can come up with today, like that one movie, I Love You, Man.
Hell, my dad has even commented before that some guy he met was good-looking. That guy even turned out to be gay, but my dad didn't know it at the time. But my dad has been married for over forty years and has four kids and two grandchildren. See my point? It was completely innocent.
My message to these other close-minded men is that it's the 21st century. It's okay. Whatever the reason why you're attracted to another man—it's okay. Many people are gay or even identify themselves as being bisexual. And the world is gradually becoming more tolerant or even accepting of it.
Even though I've mentioned homosexuals and so on in this article, I don't hate them, and I don't mean to offend them. It's totally up to that person to live their life and do what they want. It's none of my business, and it doesn't affect me much at all, I'll be honest.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay, though, if you find another guy attractive. I don't think so. Because then we'd all be gay. It's a natural thing. You might as well make peace with yourself and just admit that some guys are ugly and unattractive, and some aren't. Some guys are good-looking.
In this society of instant gratification and the "If it feels good, do it" slogan adopted by many, some guys actually follow through with these feelings where others don't. Even then, if a guy sleeps with another guy, they might not be classed as gay. It's "experimentation"—unless too many people find out about it.
I've heard a man say before, and it was quite interesting: "Maybe we're all a bit gay or bisexual inside. Maybe God is, too if we're made in his image."
I didn't say that, just so you know. Don't point the finger at me!
"Another reason why most men don’t like an attractive guy that much is because they’re threatened. They know that the odds are they will draw a lot of attention from the crowd wherever they go: particularly female attention."
Why Women Don’t Like Pretty bBoys
It's partially true that women don't like pretty boys. I know this contradicts a lot of the things I may have said above, and it might well partially prove what they say about women is right after all: that they're not as into looks or physical appearance as men are.
Let me explain.
On one hand, yes—women do like attractive guys. Guys like Brad Pitt, David Beckham, George Clooney, or something like that, or whoever is rated the world's sexiest man alive right now. But the chances of ending up with them are slim, seeing as they are all taken anyway.
But when it comes to the everyday guy that they see, it can be different for some women out there. They might find said guy attractive, but like we've all heard before: beauty is skin deep, and like with pretty women, they automatically think that there's no inner beauty or that they're shallow.
This is because average or ugly women often think the same about beautiful women. Let's just simplify and say that this is how they see anybody who is attractive.
Another reason is this: it has been said that average or ugly-looking guys with the three Ss I mentioned above (self-confidence, self-control, and sense of humour) are perhaps more desirable in the long run than a good-looking guy with said traits. After all, they want to be the pretty ones in the relationship, and if the guy has everything, plus looks, then the woman will look like a side dish in comparison.
He's the whole meal, and she's just a hanger-on, and only temporary at that. Because if he's so good-looking and desirable, then you can bet that you're not the only one who's after him. So it could also boil down to a jealousy thing or feeling threatened as well.
A woman wants a man, and not another woman, in most cases. Pretty men are probably more likely to be sought after for a one-night stand or a temporary fling. And this might be the way these men like it anyway. These women might think that the odds of them ending up with such a guy, especially on a more permanent basis, are not in their favour—especially if they aren't that easy on the eyes themselves.
With pretty women, it might be different. If they're the vacuous type, they might then think because a guy is good-looking, he's also brainless and just cruises on his good looks.
I've also heard some say that it's always the average or ugly guys who end up with the pretty young things. And it comes down to what might humorously be referred to as the law of averages.
The theory is that for every prince out there, there are about nine frogs, if not more. I tried to use some euphemism there, but maybe it didn't work. Average-looking or even ugly people probably outnumber pretty ones by a big margin. I know—harsh. But it's true.
There's also something here that you need to know. Those women are shallow, and they are materialistic. If that guy they're with has money, possessions, and status, then that's why they're with him. Not because of his looks or anything.
Just take comfort in knowing that they'll likely marry that guy, and after a while, they'll divorce him and take half of his hard-earned money. I've seen it happen. It's not just a thing that happens in movies. Money makes it a lot easier to love someone, but it doesn't last as long usually, particularly when there's no prenuptial agreement.
In comparison, if you're an attractive guy, but you're poor and don't have that success, then probably quite a few women wouldn't give you the time of day. They wouldn't stay with you more than one night anyway. Because it's what they call "chick crack": success; status; being able to pay for all their wants and needs.
"They want to be the pretty ones in the relationship, and if the guy has everything, plus looks, then the woman will look like a side dish in comparison. He’s the whole meal, and she’s just a hanger-on, and only temporary at that."
Okay, so I've gone through a number of reasons why, if you happen to be a good-looking guy, people might not like you. Of course, you can argue that these are just theories concocted from a paranoid, delusional mind. Whatever makes you sleep better at night. But I know about these things because I've encountered them in my life and experienced them—on both ends.
In explaining this, I also hope to reach out to these haters and try to tell them that there are deep-seated reasons why you don't like that attractive guy you always see. You might not actually hate him at all. You're just making it seem that way. It probably has a lot more to do with you than him.
I'm a pretty boy. I'm not well-liked. I'm used to it. I don't like most people either.
“They say that pretty boys don’t age well. That’s only because ugly guys don’t have that much to lose in the first place anyway.”
© 2010 Anti-Valentine