Jason has been using social media since 2006. While he's done his fair share of dating on there, he doesn't always recommend it.
Social media is an interesting venue. So many people connect via social media every year. Every day, even. Much of the time, these people do not know each other. They’ve never met. They might not even realize they’re being catfished or trolled by a fake profile when they choose to accept a friend or follow request.
They Don't Know You
Why do we accept requests from strangers to view our personal lives on social media? Back in the day before social media or the internet, we wouldn’t just open our front door and say, “Come on in! Meet my kids! These are my pets! Want to see what I’m having for dinner?”
I think the reasons people not only accept but invite complete strangers into their lives via social media are numerous. Many do it for networking reasons. As a self-employed man of almost 20 years now. I realized early on how important it was to know a LOT of people. I’ve added over 25,000 local people to my social media during that time. I’ve made somewhere in the neighborhood of a quarter-million dollars from clients I’ve secured via social media and referrals from people on my social media. It works.
Other people do it for validation in their daily lives. When you hear a lot of people echoing and agreeing with your thoughts about everything, you gain confidence about the path you are on. Some even like showing off a certain lifestyle, their accomplishments, or pictures of themselves or their family. Some are quite lonely in their real life. Social media connections they make are responsible for most of or all of the friendships they enjoy.
Over the past 16 years that I’ve been on social media, I’ve seen some pretty pathetic and embarrassing things men have said and done on women’s social media posts. I’ve probably done a few of them myself. Setting a profile pic on Facebook of myself in front of a pool, at the fittest point of my life comes to mind. At a time when I was newly single for the first time in 3 1/2 years. Pretty cringy, looking back. However, it did attract my Bride of 10 years, back in late 2011. I promised her I’d make her laugh 30 times in 30 days, once we started messaging back and forth. And I did. Now we always laugh together.
They Notice More Than Just Looks
Some men add all the physically attractive women they can find on social media. It’s easy to spot these guys. They are often the ones with shirtless profile pics, or pics of themselves pumping iron at the gym. If you check their friends list, chances are you’ll see the majority are women. Usually, women who all look like models, very few regular people, and even fewer other men.
This is not to say that women never add random, good-looking men to their lists. Of course, it can go both ways. But I’d venture to say that more men add random beautiful women than women add handsome, very-fit men. I think that many men look at social media more as hook-up websites, while women tend to make more real connections with other people.
You Don't Have Any Online Etiquette
Besides noticing that their new social media friend’s contact list looks more like a harem than a list of friends, women also notice the things they’ll say. Getting a random message in their private messages that says, “Hey.” is quite underwhelming. Starting to converse in these PMs and suddenly getting a random picture of your dick is also quite disturbing to most women. Fellas, trust me. She doesn’t want to see it. Especially not on a screen, if ever.
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It’s not only private messages where men fail at social media. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen women make a post about something in particular and a man comments something COMPLETELY random on the post. Something that has nothing to do with the post. Usually followed with an “LOL”. I’m sorry, Chad. You’re not a 12-year-old girl, do NOT comment with an “LOL”. Man up and use “HAHAHA.”
It’s also baffling to see men interject their perspective on a woman’s post about some issue or experience they’ve had as a woman. Many men are so quick to interject a “Yeah, but…” comment into the post. Your opinion was not asked for, Brock. Go away now. Be supportive of the post or better yet, just don’t comment. Nobody wants to hear “Yeah, but…” from anyone. Especially a man who was uninvited to a woman’s social media post.
The other aspect many women deal with on social media from men is the picture comments. Men are never more in a Neanderthalic state than when an attractive woman posts a new picture of herself. God forbid, it’s a workout or bathing suit pic. Many men must be thinking, “Oh, she’s showing off her body, or a lot of skin, she WANTS my thirsty comments.” No, she really doesn’t. Perhaps a few women do. But trust me, not many women likely want to see your 20 dumb fire emojis in a row, or have you comment, “Hot. Sexy. Hey Baby. Daddy likes.” Be clever for god’s sake. Better yet, don’t comment at all.
That brings me to my next point: Don’t friend someone who you don’t care to get to know as a real friend. Ladies, if some random guy wants to friend you on social media, he’s usually wanting to friend your body. Not that all men are looking for a one-night-stand. Or even sex or a relationship. Men and women certainly can be friends and social media friends without ulterior motives. But that’s rarer than it is common.
If a woman you don’t know is kind enough to accept your friend request, be good to her. Don’t send her a private message the minute she accepts your friend request and say, “What’s up?” Or “Hey.” I would delete someone for that nonsense if I was a woman. Don’t PM her at all. Just participate on her posts, whenever it’s natural or organic. But please, don’t comment on every post and picture she puts up. Nothing says “stalker” more than the overly-eager, new guy friend.
You Need A Better Sense of Humor
Also, be CLEVER. Be funny. Not just on her posts, on YOUR posts. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who has nothing interesting to say. Or has horrible racist, bigoted, homophobic, sexist, or xenophobic posts they’re constantly putting out to the world. Yes, it’s your page, but they have the right to 86 you off their friends list. She owes you nothing, Mr. Social Media Intruder.
I’ve always been the funny guy on social media. I love to make people laugh. As a younger kid in grade school and junior high, I could get attention from the girls by being funny and making them laugh. Even though I was a somewhat awkward-looking kid, I always had friends of the opposite sex by being comedic. That was good enough for me to feel good about myself. I’ve posted funny jokes on social media the entire 16 years I’ve been on it. Pictures of my wonderful family. My cute dog. I’d like to think I’ve used social media in the best way I know how, to make people value having me on their friend list.
Bottom line: Don’t cross normal boundaries that most people have common sense about. We get that there are probably lonely, nice guys out there. But there’s a fine line between being perceived as a nice guy on social media and a creepy, stalker type of guy. If you need to think more than 10 seconds about whether you should post any certain comment on a woman’s social media post, DON’T. Especially if you are new to her page. People who you know in real life, that’s a completely different story. Be good to women, Fellas. They deserve it.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.