Is He Stringing You Along?
When a guy strings you along—casually keeping you in his life, until he decides what he wants, it's generally because he already knows what he doesn't want—you. Let me rephrase that, he does want you (for some selfish reason) in his life—casual sex, companionship or maybe until someone else better comes along. Either way, it's because he does not see a future or a lasting future with you. Ouch!
It's doesn't matter if you have been together for two months or six years—a guy will string you along as long as he can (and as long as you will let him) for his own benefit, which serves no one, but himself.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
When a guy starts to string you along, it can be natural to want to believe and hope that he's not, and if he is—it's only temporary, until he realizes how fabulous you really are. Although you are fabulous, (we are already know that!) the stringing along begins after he has determined that you are not the permanent one for him. Ladies, regardless of his sweet alluring words to keep you around, remember that actions always speak louder than his words—and words can be used as a distraction to appease you.
Being emotionally strung along is a dead-end road. It makes you feel unworthy, unimportant and eventually can make you feel unattractive. Ugh!! Honestly, who wants to feel that they are no longer good enough for a guy? I don't…although, I have had the not-so pleasurable experience of being strung along before.
How It Happens
Being strung along usually doesn't happen right away. A lot of the time, it occurs after you have been dating for several weeks or possibly months—when everything appears to be going great. The biggest sign is when things go from being consistently great, then suddenly, but slowly, changing in the opposite direction.
When you first notice a change in his behavior, you chalk it up to him having an unexpected overly busy week—it happens. Of course this would make sense to you, because you can't fathom that this guy, who wanted (and pushed for) exclusivity, could possibly be changing his mind about how he feels towards you so quickly. No...Not this guy, who proclaimed that he is a great communicator, and loves you. He wouldn't just pull away without sharing any concerns with you that he was having. Then, the text message or call—that you have been waiting for, finally appears.
Whew. Even though the text message just says, "Thinking about you. I miss you," he is still making an effort—that has to be a good sign, right? Although his communication has definitely lessened, you don't want to hit the panic button yet. When his lack of effort starts to gradually continue, adding the fact that you haven't seen him in weeks....be prepared and I hate to say it, but most likely he is stringing you along.
6 Years and No Ring
I met a woman who was strung along by her man for six years. When she met her boyfriend she was very upfront with him that she wanted to be engaged, married and have children within a few years. Hearing this did not scare him, in fact he said that he wanted the exact same things. Years continued to go by, no engagement in sight. Every time she would remind him of what she ultimately wanted, he continued to claim he still wanted those same things. More years past, no proposal, no ring, and future talk was conveniently avoided by him. So, she finally ended things. Needless to say, he didn't try to stop her. Wow!
I also dated a guy who was trying to string me along for who knows how long he intended. Since I am a hopeless romantic, I take the words, "I love you" more seriously than half the men I have known or dated. I believe that when a guy tells you he loves you—unless it's been less than two months, for me, it means through the good and difficult times—as long as the difficult times don't outweigh the good. It also means to value someone's heart, not to drag it slowly through the mud.
The guy I dated strung me along for seven weeks before I ended things. The first few months of dating were great—or so I thought. We would spend long weekends together, see each other during the week and would have daily communication—throughout the day. This was the bar that he set and established. Then, things began to change.
He would make plans and then cancel last minute—never suggesting a new date or time to see one another. When I would suggest an alternative day, he would agree, but then have an excuse to cancel last minute...Again.
Weeks continued to go by while I received text messages—just enough to emotionally entice me. When I started to wonder why we still hadn't seen each other, something any woman would do, he told me that seeing me only twice in seven weeks was not that big of a deal. He also had the audacity to tell me that pressuring him would only push him away. Hmmm. The first few months of dating he couldn't let three days go by before seeing me, to now, I'm pressuring him—because I wanted to see him more than twice over a seven week stretch? Interesting!
Thinking back, it was obvious that when he did make the effort—twice in a month and a half, it was mainly just to have sex—giving just enough attention to keep me around, which I'll admit, worked for a while. This guy was very selfish and immature in the way he handled the situation. Instead of him being emotionally mature and ending things, he was stringing me along. Although the signs were clear, I was too trusting and naïve to believe them.
5 Signs He's Stringing You Along
- The amount of time you used to spend together majorly diminishes—however, he will still make you believe that he's interested by calls/text, "I miss you," "I'm thinking about you," and/or "I love you," but will make little effort to actually see you.
- Compared to before, the only time you see him it revolves around sex—he went from spending time, planning dates to now screwing you (mentally and physically).
- When you're ready to throw in the towel and finally give up—then and only then does he make time for you.
- You're upfront with exactly what you want: engagement, marriage, children, etc. and he dates you knowingly, but will never give you the outcome you want.
- His view on women— "women are like busses, when one leaves another one is right around the corner." Aka: he already has one foot in and one foot out the door, before he even gets in a relationship—not fully giving any woman a chance.
Ladies, being strung along is awful. It's an emotional roller-coaster ride that no one wants to be on. You deserve to be with a guy who can be open and honest about what he wants, and is respectful enough to not keep you around for his own selfish pleasure. Don't wait until you’re forced to end the relationship—without any emotion or blink of an eye from him, to realize that you have been strung along. Take matters into your own hands and cut the strings that this puppet master has deceptively attached to your heart.