Online Dating and Ghosting
To Date Online or Not
I recently gave in to peer pressure and tried online dating. My friends were very persistent and set up my Bumble account. I playfully swiped left and right. I was not seriously into it, but I was having fun reading the bios and looking at the photos. I never expected what happened next.
I am not looking for a long-term relationship. I've been married twice. I am good with my life the way it is, but when one gentleman and I connected I thought, "what the heck!"
I firmly believe that 'If it's meant to happen, it'll happen. If it's not, then it won't.' Why shop via random bios and photos when chances are the person of your dreams could be right around the corner. Or across the country. Either way be patient. Or give online dating a try. It's not for everyone, but it's at least worth a shot.
My Week of Online Dating
My one and only attempt with online dating was via Bumble. With Bumble the women have control over who they connect with. Women swiped left if they aren't interested in a guy. They swipe right if they are interested. If there is a match, the two communicate via messages. One day I decided to have a bit of fun and did some swiping. I made a few connections. One guy in particular caught my attention. What the heck do I do now? He's 6'5 and I am 5'1. He could toss me over his shoulder! That was my first message to him and we instantly connected.
We messaged for a few days. Then texted. Then spoke. Then met. He was a nice guy, just VERY tall or I was VERY short. Yet we were attracted to each other.
The Adventure Began
The next day he invited me to Hard Rock Live for a company event. He picked me up in his corvette, which is the first time I've ever been in one. He met my grandchildren and daughter and they seemed to like him. He opened my car door. He was a true gentleman.
Walking through City Walk he made sure he didn't lose me within the crowd of Universal visitors. He introduced me to a few co-workers. We had a great night. We then decided to make plans for the weekend.
During our conversations he often dropped hints about a long term relationship. Whoa cowboy, slow down! I have been perfectly content with my single lifestyle. Up until a few days ago I had no intention of becoming a duo. Now I am in a compromising position referred to as "dating!" I began to get a bit nervous about having to give up my single life that I have become accustomed to. But meanwhile I reminded myself of my motto, 'If it's meant to happen, it'll happen. If it's not, then it won't.' So, I continued on with my week of Bumble Bliss.
Do You Use Online Dating?
Third Date Is a Charm
On Saturday he picked me up. Once again met my family. Once again opened the car door for me. Once again he was the perfect gentleman. We headed out to the coast and talked a lot. We got to know more about each other. He was a very interesting person. A creature of habit. Passionate about his work. Compassionate about people. Thoughtful. Considerate. Kind to others. This man was a great catch. I continued to go with the flow.
We had an amazing weekend. I introduced him to friends on the coast. Enjoyed a nice dinner. Talked. Laughed. Treated me like a princess. He then brought me back home. The next day he ghosted. He what??? I've never been ghosted!
I wasn't sure how to deal with this matter so I asked Siri. Her response was, 'Interesting question, Linda. Here are some articles to read.' Even Siri was perplexed.
To Ghost or Not to Ghost
My first attempt at online dating ended with a ghosting. Ghosting occurs when there is no communication at all. This could happen after one date or several. I sent him a text thanking him for a nice weekend. No response. The next day I sent another text asking if he was OK. No response. WOW. Because he was such a gentleman he was the last person I would ever expect to ghost, yet he did.
But what he will never know is that he didn't just ghost me. He ghosted my family and friends who liked him. He ghosted many of my single lady friends who began to have hope that there were actually good men out there and that they could hopefully find one. Yet now their hopes are once again diminished. That makes me upset for them. Yet I will give them hope again because good guys that don't ghost must exist.
Ghosting is immature and cowardly. To ghost someone instead of simply saying "I'm not interested" is cruel. One is left to wonder what the heck happened. It's a blow to their self-esteem, yet ghosting is becoming more common due to lack of proper communication. Yet, our communication was spot on!
I am a firm believer that real men and women do not ghost. They take the time to properly explain what went wrong. They come to a mutual agreement on why a relationship wouldn't work for them. Possibly a friendship could have lasted a lot longer than a relationship. Real men believe that by communicating they are setting a good precedent to others and hopefully ghosting will begin to diminish.
To those who have been ghosted, try not to take it personal. Chances are you didn't do anything wrong. The ghost just lacked the courage to notify you that you both weren't compatible. Don't allow one person's issues to become your issues. While being ghosted can't be prevented, use caution while moving forward. Add "Ghosters Need Not Apply" to your online dating bios.
So guys, please take my advice into consideration. Be a real man and do not leave a woman wondering. Ladies, please do the same to the men. This is how we learn lessons along life's journey. Trust is a crucial factor and you want to know that when you encounter the next possible companion you don't have to worry about being ghosted.
Have You Ever Been Ghosted?
I heard from him. He hasn't been feeling well and needed to focus on his health. He apologized for ghosting. We agreed that my high energy doesn't blend with his laid back lifestyle, but he also enjoyed our Bumble Bliss.
It's all good.
Nevertheless...do not ghost. It's not cool.
While I appreciate and did enjoy my one week of Bumble Bliss I have decided that I am going back to not being a fan of online dating.
I will no longer surrender to peer pressure and attempt to try it again. Once was more than enough for me. Always go with your gut feeling.
UPDATE: I am not quite done with online dating. I just moved on to another site. I met a nice fellow and we had a nice lunch the other day and he didn't ghost! I jokingly told him that I might ghost him! We shared many laughs and might see each other again or not. Time will tell.
If it's meant to happen, it'll happen.
If it's not, then it won't.
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© 2018 Linda Bilyeu