Does She Like Me? 8 Signs She's Interested

How do you know when a girl likes you? What kind of hints or signs do they give? While some guys will analyze a girl's text message or offhand remark to death, in reality girls are not that hard to figure out if you stay calm and just remember to be yourself. All you have to do is see how she acts and watch her behavior when she's around you. When she shows you any of the following signs she most likely wants you to ask her out.

1) She sneaks looks at you, smiles a lot, and seems overly excited to see you

One sign a girl is interested in you is when she keeps sneaking looks at you. She wants to look at you, but doesn't want you to know it. Do you catch her looking at you? Does she sometimes look away when caught? Those are pretty good indications that she wants you to notice her. Constantly looking at you is a way of telling you she's attracted to - or at least interested in - you.

Also, If she is quick to say "Hi" and "How are you?" when you first see her, then there's a strong chance she likes you. Remember her actions and body language will communicate more than her words. Girls will do many things to be noticed by you even if they're too shy to speak to you, so be sure to keep an eye out.

2) She enjoys speaking to you, listens attentively, and asks lots of questions

If she seems to enjoy talking to you, there is a good chance she likes you. This is especially true if she asks you lots of questions about your personal life such as what you like, what you do in your free time, and if you are going out anywhere over the weekend.

A girl who is interested will show interest in your personal life simply because she wants you to know she finds your life interesting and would like to be a part of it. If a girl is shy, she may not approach you very often and, when she does, she may react by going red in the face or hiding her face. Sometimes shy girls will go a whole day without speaking to you.

3) She suddenly starts wearing makeup, dressing differently, or wearing her hair differently around you

If you notice a girl suddenly starts dressing up, or wearing more makeup or lip gloss, or doing her hair to look straight and shiny, then there's a good chance she wants you to notice her. Of course, some girls may just want to look good. But you should consider whether she's dressing up to impress you. If she plays with her hair a lot around you, then you could be the reason for these sudden changes. Girls will often unconsciously play with their hair when they're around a guy they like. If she does feel something for you, she'll want to look her best in front of you.

4) She teases you and/or touches you

A girl may tease you by calling you names or playfully hitting you. If she does this in a playful manner, that's a good sign she likes you, since it's common for girls to banter with and get into the personal space of guys they like.

You might think that a girl who teases you or is mean to you doesn't like you. But I can tell you from personal experience it's often the opposite! She may just be trying to get attention because she feels rejected by you or because she wants to hide her true feelings.

5) She hangs out with you more than her friends, likes the things you like, and keeps bumping into you

It is likely a girl will try to hang out in places she knows you'll be so that she'll have the opportunity to run into you and speak with you. She may pretend that she just happened to be there for some unrelated reason.

If she spends a lot of her time with you over her friends, that is another big sign. Girls consider their friends a big part of their life, so if she breaks away from to spend more time with you, then she must like you a lot. She may also ask if you want to go get coffee or do homework together. That doesn't happen often but it's a big clue that she wants be spend time alone with you which is her best chance to get your attention and show you what she's got.

6) She sticks up for you

A girl who likes you will will stick up for you when others put you down and will give you special treatment, such as giving you lots of compliments and gifts, taking care of you, or doing something she doesn't do for her other guy friends. So if she treats you differently than her other male friends, then it's likely you're the one she wants most out of the pack.

7) She finds excuses to touch you

She might "accidentally" bump into you more often as a way of gauging how you respond, or simply because she wants physical contact with you. She might also give you lots of random hugs, which is a non-sexual and thus non-threatening way to get closer to you. Or she might put her hand on your arm or shoulder when you're talking. If she does any of these more often than seems normal, then that's a strong sign she's into you.

8) She finds excuses to talk to you

If you're the head of a club she belongs to, it makes sense she'd ask you questions about that club. But if she asks you questions about things she could easily find the answer for herself or by asking someone else, then it's likely she's only asking you because she wants a reason to talk with you.

Final Thoughts

These are the signs she will give you when she likes you. If she gives you many of the above signs, it's likely she wants to be asked out for a date. Think about the girl you like and whether she's given any of the signs I mentioned above. If you're still not sure don't hesitate to ask me for some advice. I am happy to help.

Also, don't make the mistake of rushing in and professing your feelings for her or asking if she's into you. Patience is everything. Eventually things come your way. Don't rush her, and she will let you know when she's ready.

On the other hand, if she treats you like a friend then you are likely just a friend. Be careful you're not looking for something that isn't there. If she gives you mixed signals then there may be something there.

If you want any dating and relationship questions answered, feel free to drop me a comment :) Best wishes!

Please Post A Comment: 1173 comments

RogerFace 4 days ago


I am a student trying to get some love... But I already have a crush.... My crush knows that I love her.. First time when I asked out she didn't give a pleasing reply but the second time she didn't speak anything.... By the way She and Me myself are new to this school.... She does show care for me, asks questions to me, my opinions and all compliments. Day before yesterday, we had a parents and teachers meeting... After finalizing my report.. Me along with my mom were going out from school.. when I met her from her stairs she said my name to her sister... I got shocked... What does this Signify?

Red 11 days ago

There's this girl in my class that I like but she is very shy and I have a small suspicion that she likes me but I don't want to jump to conclusions. So we find each other having awkward stares and smiles. This happens often, do keep in mind it is very easy to make her laugh (even she admits it). She laughs to some of my jokes and one time this teacher wanted to write down a report for me and her because I tried to help her out to upload something to Google Drive (btw she's new) at the time we are supposed to leave school (the delivery was due the time we leave) she stood up for me and I didn't get a report but she did. Idk maybe I'm over reacting.

joshorbillo 12 days ago

Hi . i dont assume that the girl i want likes me. Sorry for the grammar. Hehehe sometimes i txt her she is not text me back, i dont know why. Maybe she is busy or have a strategy to me to do an effort to txt her. Same in facebook messenger . sometimes she not looking in my message . not seen but only delivered. But the last time we met. She is the first to ask me where i am. Then i answer that i am in work and i said why? She said that she want me to eat ice cream with her. And then we met. But theres no ice cream because the store is close. We decided to buy other food. Then she treat me. :) an then while we eat we talk about the place she go last week. She said that she never had a opportunity to buy me something food or a thing that the provinve she visit have. Sorry for the grammar . :) by this details , do you feel that the girl likes me?

Dave 2 weeks ago

I went out for my cousin's birthday and met this really hot girl, who's a friend of his. This girl was with someone, but was finding excuses to talk to me, and touch me all night. Ironically enough, I ended up getting into an argument with the girl before the night was over.

Whatever the case, she gave me a hug before we parted ways, I guess to make amends.

Should I ask her out, or is she just looking for attention?

TKeller 3 weeks ago

While signs like these can sign interest, common sense still needs to rule the process. I worked with an intelligent, gorgeous young lady for a period of time. Every sign mentioned fit her actions toward me without exception. Always available to have dinner with me. Always met and departed with a hug. Came to my office every day and stayed for a while to discuss my life and her life. Laughed at my sense of humor, had me meet her family when they visited her at work, always fussed with her appearance around me, her desk was within sight of mine and she use to stare at me, would always make sure she paid special interest to my work needs. No matter which web site listing Top 10, 15, 18 etc. signs she likes you, she hit them all. But! We have 30 years difference in age, I am marrief with kids her age and we are friends. That's all it is and will ever be. Friendship is great. I never asked her or hinted to anything more because I do not want to disrespect a friend nor do I want to mess up my martiage. My wife has met her and they are friendly to each other. My situation is extreme but always be aware of the truths around the situation and not just the signs.

Dylan 4 weeks ago

Okay so there is this girl that I've known as far as i can remember, but in the past few months I started to get feelings for her. Shes been acting really differently lately, she always says "hi dylaann" in this really dreamy voice, and she never does it to anybody else. She also texts me asking me what the homework is, even though she could just check online. When another girl talks to me, she gets a jealous look on her face. I really want to ask her out but im afraid because i have known her for so long and i dont want to make it awkward between us.

PMichael07 4 weeks ago


I have been talking to a girl on Match for just over three months now and we have meet three times over the last two months. I recently ask her out on date, she said yes she'd love too but then things came up last minute and she had to cancel unfortunately but we meet the following day for lunch instead. Every time we have met she has said she had a fab time.

I am just wondering with these type of response that I am getting from her after every time we have meet up, does she like me or is she playing the lets see how things ball? I feel like asking her would she like to be my girlfriend but I am thinking she might say not yet because we have only meet up three times so far.

Thanks in advance,


Max 5 weeks ago

There is this girl in my class that sits right in front of me, when you read this keep in mind that she is a very talkative person. Well she is normally sitting like sideways instead of forward, she turns around to ask questions at least like 10 times, and she asks if she is being annoying a lot. Then she also touches my stuff a lot like to check out a pencil or something etc., as well as she normally says hi in other classes that we share but she does not sit in front of me. My friend says she does like me but idk maybe it's cause I kind of like her and might not notice if she blushes cause I'm blushing or something like that but I just want to ask, do you think she likes me?

Avdrovazoski 5 weeks ago

help me out, this girl keeps on teasing me, she always want me to accompany her, and frankly speaking I have have been to busy to attend her, and the very time I tried accompany her for a walk she then tells me I am not her type before I could propose, whats her implication

Stephen Jackson 6 weeks ago

Okay if a women is ignoring my text's and, calls for days ,and then I tell her if i am going to be the only one communicating i will not waste my time trying with her anymore. then she starts replying more than she did originally what does that mean, or what is the knowledgeable explanation for my sichuation?

Darren 6 weeks ago

G'day, I recently have been chatting with a woman over the internet, we met today for coffee. When we met she put her hand out as she introduced herself I took her hand introducing myself. At this point she pulled me close and gave me a half hug and kissed me on the cheek. We then sat down and proceeded to talk. We had a good conversation with what seemed to be reciprocated from both sides very pleasant and interested. After about two hours we concluded the meeting again she leant in and gave me a half hug and a kiss on the cheek, which I reciprocated. We both stated we enjoyed the meeting and both said we would like to do it again. I kind of feel that she is interested however it is possible she may just be an affectionate person. I really like her and feel very comfortable when with her. I am hoping there is something between us but don't want to scare her off. Some advice and your take on how the date appeared to go from the information provided. Thanks

Tomas 6 weeks ago

I attent college with one girl and in the first few months she seemed to say hi and smile a lot and that made me fall for her. When I confronted her and say I saw her instagram, she accused me of being stalker, but the same day she texted me on facebook she wanted to appologize, but she wasn't able to find me ( I was avoiding her with shame )So I appologized back and said I only liked her thoughts about religion and philosophy ( she is strong catholic believer just like me) Than she seemed to never remember that 'incident' and talked to me, but only when her friends weren't nearby. She was very nice to everyone and takes extra care not to hurt anyone so I started to thing that's just the way she was treating me. She talks to me about personal stuff a lot ( about her younger sister living with a man and she never had anyone, but she doesn't care cause she things it is not moraly clean before the wedding and for the question if she wants to move out as well she said not by herself nor with a guy before wedding. Then she told she lost her phone and wanted me to text her, but when she started dictating her numbe rI found out my phone was turned off ( I am such an idiot) so she came back to library when we were together before to get it. She speaks about her three younger sisters a lot ( she is 21 and I am 20) When I failed at doing a once she was first come to me and cheer me up by saying 'He is not emphathical, don't be sad.' ( I am melancholic introvert with slight problems with speaking in public, and so is she, but not so lonely as I am) She speaks about herself a lot while asking me to speak about myself as well. I was talking to her before the summer break about my course to get better in next term, she said she will be working because she needs to pay stuff by herself ( her family is big ) Durring the break she never wrote me and I was affraid to write her on facebook because I didn't want to be accused of stalking again, but two months, when my 'pain and depression' went down I texted to see how it was going. She seemed very pleased ( although she didn't write first) we were talking about day and a half and than I was the one to interrupt it when there was no other point in conversation ( We even finished school stuff). When I went back to college the first day she didn't seem to look for me and she talked to friends instead and when I finished my signing to the next grade she was no longer present. I wrote a long and personal things about my experience, my question is does she like me or not? I am asking you to be totally sure, because I am not mentally strong enough for a rejection. Does she want me to take a step or am I only imagining thet she likes me Is it even possible to like a guy like me?

Fondo 6 weeks ago

I dunno... I really like this girl but she confuses me a lot. I do catch her sometimes looking at me which she'll quickly avert her gaze. Only until recently she'll look at me and smile for a split second then force it back. And when I make her laugh (usually when I do it involuntarily) she'll turn and hide her face but her shoulders are shaking so I know she's laughing and I'll usually play it off like I didn't notice. Hhhhhhh.

wisal khan... 7 weeks ago

It is really a good way to knw alll about love and their be brave and propose her/him now by this thecniques...

wisal khan... 7 weeks ago

It is really a good way to knw alll about love and their be brave and propose her/him now by this thecniques...

Erick Holmes 3 months ago

I recently got hired by a restaurant as a dishwasher. for two weekends in a row, both encounters with this lady were on a Saturday. First time she apparently didn't know where to throw something away, so I took the trash from her and took care of I myself. Second time, this Saturday, I had to take care of trash. I was standing, kneeling over a trash can getting ready to put a liner in, when I looked up and saw her. I didn't say anything to her; she said she was just following me. is she taking an interest in me, or could it just be pure coincidence?

kair 5 months ago

hi i used to go gym almost more than year one girl was there and before month ago she looks at me and when i look at her she move away and last night we suddenly see each other and she looks down with smile then i move for gym and she run fast and leave me behind.

Daniel Klein 6 months ago

Hello Jay. I have a girl in my class who I had a inkling likes me. She laughs at almost everything I say. Then recently she dressed up and sat next to me, which is unusual cuz she usually sits by her male friend in class. She also gives me low eyed looks, kind of joyful yet seductive. However, when i talk to her shes very quiet, more so then around her other friends.Do you think she likes me?

D3an 8 months ago

Hi Jay I'm back agian look get back to me when you can but within like a few weeks would I just left the whole relationship scene just made friends matured got my head around life so yeah but so I'm in second year varsity (last year) so there is this first year we became quite close fast I mean I feel it's like I'm her big brother or something she always sits close to as possible touches me a bit and last night she told me she HAD a crush on me so I then asked what happened and she said we became friends I'm trying not fall deeper but it's hard she is really awesome i mean I kinda feel sick when she is not near and such and I really want her in my life what should I do ? Cause after this year I will barely see her and that will kill me so any suggestion leave it as friends make it stronger then try later down the line or what ? I mean there are a lot of signs like she hugs me close rubs her hands across my body when we release

And yesterday she just went through something I comforted her with it and all she was in tears and I felt bad for her ? Thanks

steven 12 months ago

There is this girl i seen for the first time at my job and we made eye contact and smiled at each other, but now she comes to my job every other day and when she comes we still make eye contact and smile at each other and she now dresses up nice and does her hair nice but when she walks next to me she just looks down. So i want to know what she thinks and if she is interested in me or not?

john 12 months ago

Please help me

I am really confused about this girl I like who flirted with me a and I also got some signs that she wants me to ask her out (not very definite signs but still some good signs ) and it came as a surprise to me at that time so I couldn't respond or make a move at that time and after that whenever I met her she gave me kinda mixed signals like she used to give me at the start also when I first met her

Btw We meet Only once in 2 MONTHS she lives far away from my house but comes to visit her cousins once in 2 months (the place where I live)

but yesterday she asked me for a Favour which I denied and she said in reply that " pls help me you can't even do this much for your SISTER ( referring herself as my sister) I was in shock after this .She used to give me mixed signals (used to act cold and aloof many times) right from the start but this was too much to bear

I don't know whether it was a test ( to know my response to being treated like her brother to know my intentions because throughout even I gave her mixed signals to not appear needy and tried to keep a balance )

OR am I really been friendzoned?

Throughout (from the start ) more than often she used to give me mixed signs apart from one time / instance where I felt she wanted me to ask her out

And I also wanted to ask you about a few signs I was confused about

Why a girl sets you up with your Best friend's Ex knowing herself from inside that somewhere the relationship wouldn't be possible

^ She did it once while flirting

and also used to ask about my relationship status like who is my gf and all

Ma'am I really need your advice please help me because I really like her but things aren't looking great at the moment


Tom 12 months ago

Help me please. I'm getting crazy as I'm super confused with this girl. I met this Asian girl through language exchange hub.

At first everything was alright. However,in the past few sessions she started touching me for reason, texting every couple of hours and finding an excuse to ask personal questions!

This is not all the story yet. Yesterday she asked me to hang out with her in the Park. We went for the longest walk of my life! And right after that she bought me a coffee and asked me to watch this Asian movie that was about a couple loving each other (but it could be because she want me to learn the language better and I'd already let her know that I liked her country's series.

I'm getting crazy for these reasons:

1- she might be just nice

2- I'm in my early forties and she is 29

3- I don't know her culture. She might be just nice because of her culture maybe?

What should I do? How do you interpret his? Thx

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 14 months ago from England Author

@Marian Basescu. Hi again Marian! I would not worry too much about it, if she is that into you i dont think some other guy will have swooped her up that quickly, in the end it doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you are progressing toward something so next time you do see her just speak to her a bit more, small steps then bigger steps.

There is a lot of truth in women wanting what they cant have, however there does come a time when we must make some effort as they may give up. I am not a believer in the idea that women lose attraction because of not making a move so if she was into you before then she probably still is even if she gave up on you.

Always remember that these women are just as afraid as we are when we approach and talk to them, when you speak to her she is probably scared and uncomfortable on the inside, women are good at hiding it :) I have always found that once you get the conversation going you forget your talking to an attractive female, it has never failed me.

Am sure the de angelos stuff will help, his programes are expensive but you can find a lot of his stuff free on the web, the guy has it down for sure. It is no hassle at all, hopefully your situation will go well once you are back in her presence again, thanks mate, enjoy the rest of your summer too. Let me know how things are going. Good luck

Daniel 14 months ago

@Jay Rando

I know what i did was stupid, i guess i was afraid id lose her. But as to the reason why i ran off is because i thought she didnt show as much intrest in me as usual and when i stopped talking to her she didnt message me at all so i thought all together that she just didnt like me anymore. I did tell her i thought i was annoying her and she replied by thinking i was crazy and she full on changed lyrics to a song to say that i wasnt annoying her haha. All was well and good until she friendzoned me.... By saying we were like batman and robin together.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 14 months ago from England Author

@Daniel. Hey there mate, Ive been off hub pages for a while so i am behind but from what i have read it does sound like she is or was into you and a lot. All the talking to you (especially if she initiates a lot) and touching you are good signs. Slenderman is definitely a scary game for sure so i would say her holding your hand is a good sign as well. What made you think you were annoying her?

Having said that it sounds like she was confused as to why you went AWOL. The fact she did chase you up to see where you had gone is a good sign. Its hard to say what happened. Obviously something made you back off from her? What was it? I always advise guys here to avoid being needy or coming off as too eager but i would need to know more i think about your situation.

Now i dont advise swooping in and saying sorry or asking her out.. just feel her out again. Be honest about why you stopped talking to her, if you stopped because you felt you annoyed her again just tell her that. But i would advise to stop going missing otherwise you may blow this altogether. Running away from your problems is not the correct solution, if you run away because you feel your showing too much interest then stop showing as much interest.

I cannot say she is certainly into you but i think there is a good she is (or was). Her lack of interest may be two things: 1) she moved on completely 2) she thinks your playing games and pretends not to like you i.e when people feel messed around they often do this. Your best bet is to stop running off and slowly ease back in and see if she starts to seem excited to talk to you again.. Be patient, if she starts to like you over time again then there is still a chance.

The first issue is to tell me why the heck you keep running away and disappearing? until you answer that question i cannot help you further. If you are still around feel free to update me on this situation i will be glad to help. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 14 months ago from England Author

Ooh argh.. i wasn't sure where i was up to..

@tar144. Sorry it did not work out for you mate, if you need a bit of direction or guidance in the future feel free to drop me a line, there are plenty of fish in the sea right? You are welcome. Good luck

john 15 months ago

There is this women that I work with and she always pouts ice down my shirt throws water on me kicks talks about my kids with me and always smile at me all the time is she flirting with me

Alex8711 15 months ago

We are both 14 Jay. I am not exactly sure what I am or could be leaving out, but we have been together a couple of times, properly. She is in Italy at the moment, and it's killing me to be away from her for so long. But we have already agreed that we DEFINETLY should see each other much more after the vacation

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 15 months ago from England Author

@Alex8711. Hi again Alex, i am not sure what you meant in your 2nd to last comment so i read your most recent comment as well just to get a better idea. I think that if she isn't committing to you and she can right now then i would wonder why that is, i feel like I'm missing a part of the story that your not telling me. I am not sure how old the two of you are and why she is not able to give you more of her time? This is what confuses me most.

Why is it taking so long for her to be with you properly? This is what i dont understand.. You say it kills her not to have time with you, well in i would trust that she will be ready at some point, dont think about it too much and keep living your life, avoid becoming needy during this point. I think getting one of your shirts is a good thing if its her way of remembering you. Shes making time for you and makes the few hours she sees you worth your effort, thats always a good sign.

I really hope though that she is not leading you on or anything, like i said i feel like there is something here your maybe not telling me and my concern is just why it is taking her so long to be with you fully?.. As a heads up always remain realistic, our minds often trick us into believing things are better than they actually are, i hope that is not the case and that things are going really well.

Thanks for the kudos, i am glad to help as always :) please come back if things change or things develop, if things aren't getting or going anywhere be sure to post back here asap as i can probably determine what is not going right, a bit of patience will hopefully lead to a full relationship, if you feel like you are being kept on a string then its imperative you dont become an option. Good luck

Preston Harvie 15 months ago

Hi Jay. I would be really appreciated if you can provide some advices.

Me and this girl are in the same University in Japan. She's just 18, and she's Japanese so I guest most of the rules about Western girls do not apply here. Obviously I'm not Japanese although I can speak her language quite fluently, but communication could be a potential problem (her English is just beginner's level and I'm not even a native English speaker). It's a long story but I'll try to make it neat in a timeline.

-At first we shared just one small class for freshman. On the first day when people introduced themselves we had a quick talk, I found her really cute but after that we split into different fixed groups for the whole semester, and I did not think she had any interest so I did not think about her anymore.

-One day, the groups was changed (for that day only). I was late so when I came everybody had been in place. She was the first to say out loud my group (it was not her group) long before the Teacher Assistance or any other friends of mine. I was surprised but I knew it was just my imagination so I just forgot about it completely.

-At the moment there is an ongoing joint performance of many clubs and I first saw her during rehearsals a few weeks ago (we're in different clubs). As we had not been talking to each other ever since that first day, at first nothing changed. Sometime I got the feeling she was looking at me from afar, but again I treated it as imagination. Nothing special. (I was lead on not once before so I'm very skeptical about girls right now )

-A few days later, when I came to have a discussion with a professor, many others was there including her. Did not realized we have another common class (It is a very big class and I always sit at the very first or second row, get in late and get out early). The professor's room was small so even though I was using my phone while waiting for my turn, I could notice she was looking at me. When I started looking at the books on the shelves she also did the same, she unnecessarily moved back and forth right in front of me many times... and so on. At this point I think it could be safe to assume she had at least some level of interest right? As stated I'm very skeptical, genuine interest or just another attention grabbing scheme? Still, I decided to pretend asking about some important details of the following day's exam and contacted her through facebook. Conversation was quick, short, and limited to that matter only.

-Then in the next rehearsal, this time I could not help but pay more attention to her. Definitely she was looking at me from afar, but when I looked back she immediately turned away. So that night I decided to start some conversations through facebook by just asking some not really important questions about the class. She completely ignored my first message. Fair enough, I thought to myself.

-Then in the next rehearsal, she even looked at me more, this time if the distance between us was far enough and there are many people around, she did not turn away, so we basically looked at each other from afar for extended periods. But if we were close she acted as if I was not there. I decided to text her one more time, again nothing special or personal on the message, but once again it was ignored. It all smells like another typical attention seeking case to me, and I know it's better to end these quickly, so I joked that ' I wonder did I do something bad to be ignored', expecting no reply or some late, pretentious replies. However she replied almost immediately saying sorry she was very busy and then answered the other question. Of course she was not busy at all, being online and then offline on facebook like every 15-20 minutes or so.

-Next rehearsal (the performance was very close so in that week we had rehearsal like every other day), we continued the staring game. I notice that she seems to get excited when she known I was watching her, unnecessary moves or actions and the likes, alway keeps her face toward me, but only from afar. If we ever get close she will immediately turn away.

Since then, she no longer ignores my messages anymore, always reply timely . I ask her some more questions outside class matters, compliment her performance, say goodnight etc... BUT, the conversations are always one-sided, that is she never asks anythings. For this reason I find it awkward to prolong texting so texts are always short and the last one to say something is alway me. Yesterday I found out that she marked one of my message as unread after reading it (it was an unreplyable message anyway). In rehearsals, nothing has changed. Same lengthy staring game, exciting behaviors, but very indifferent, ignoring look if staying close.

Today is the performance, which means after that there will be of course no more rehearsals, and the semester will also end in 3 weeks (we only have one day a week for that class to begin with). After that I will go back to my country for the summer vacation in about 2 months and since we are in different colleges it is extremely unlikely to see her again next semester. Obviously If I don't make any moves this affair will end soon.

The question is, should I make any moves? As stated I'm very skeptical right now and I'm not sure if it worth risking another heartache. It would be REALLY suck if she turns out to be just another attention seeking small b*tch.

If the answer is that I should make some moves, then given her current attitude when meeting in person, what should I do?

Marian Basescu 15 months ago

Hi there again Jay, thank you very much indeed for your message. To be honest I feel like she had (at least) a crush on me but it was my fault that I let half a year pass-by and didn't do anything meaningful (like trying to have at least a meaningful conversation for instance). I learnt that exchanging a sentence/week (like an "experienced" Romanian friend told me this, do not know if it makes sense in English but it basically means exchanging 10 words) with her doesn't do anything good, it rather makes the situation worse as no talking is very bad, and I am very good at not saying anything when sitting next to her or with anybody else I do not feel comfortable with/afraid of.. But anyways, I am busy with other stuff at the moment and I will certainly check David de angelos' content. I really appreciate you reading over my "dissertations" and sorry for all the huge hassle I caused. Thank you very much again, take care and have a wonderful summer my friend. I'll write a comment here again when a situation requires or to ask advice/give updates. Bye :).

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 15 months ago from England Author

@Marian Basescu. Hi again Marian. September is some time off.. so you have a good 2 months to do something, The first thing to do over the summer is get her out of your head altogether and stop thinking about her.. go watch some of the david de angelos videos online or download them.. they are pretty much everywhere online if you look hard enough.. this will give you something to do in the mean time as well..

I usually good at guessing where people might be from their names, welcome to the UK, i hope you enjoy being here and studying here. To me the one thing i am noticing is that you seem to be very confident shes into you, so i think the best thing you can honestly do, and be honest with yourself (and me), ask yourself; are you confident she is into you? If the answer is YES to that question then you have nothing to worry about.. you dont need me to agree with you or validate you.. you already know the answer going by your own confidence..

Will she feel the same way in 3 months, well we will see, it depends really how much history you both had together and how invested she is in you. I think that if you are confident she is into you which i'm getting from your comments then you should have absolutely no problem just asking her simply to get coffee.. simply saying "i am going to grab some coffee, fancy getting some coffee?" and do this over text message.. it really is as simple as simple as that. I am assuming you both are staying in college or university halls/dorms or something? If she is interested shes going to invite herself.. of course you may use a different idea, i really have no idea if this girl likes coffee, use your best judgement, the main thing is that when a woman is into you she will make time for you..

Like i said in the previous comment dont make it a date.. just make it a casual hang out and escalate from there depending on how things go. Then just give it your best shot next time you see her. Do not make excuses though.. if you have her number next time shes in the same country and same city go for it.. There is nothing here that tells me she is certaintly into you but there is nothing that say she isn't either. The best i can gather is there is a good chance she is.. thats it.

You need to actually take action and get closer to her as your probably putting out a vibe that you have no time for her.. take some interest in her life, give her some of your time.. that is the only real way we will know if things will go somewhere with this gal. We could talk all day long about how she did this/that but lets see how she is when she comes back in September and we can take it from there. I am not sure how experienced your friends are with women but if they have lots of experience then then them saying she into you will probably be right. When people are there in person they can usually make out better what is going on.

Like i said you dont need to ask her out.. just say what you are doing (in text) and then tell her she can come and hang out with you (invite her along).. you dont need to do this in front of other people either. Good luck

Alex8711 16 months ago

This will be a little shorter Jay... Or not, I don't know

Basically she has told that she loves me, a lot, and she has thought of us being, you know, boyfriend girlfriend, but she has thought about it, and she wants to wait, until she has more time to see me.

Now I could just be blinded by love, but it seemed sincere and genuine, and I do actually believe, that as she said, it's killing her that she doesn't have time for me... She says she really wants to see me, as often as possible, she even asked to get one of my shirts, so I think she has acknowledged the fact that she doesn't have a lot of time, but then when she does, she bloodywell makes sure that the two or three hours I have with her, was worth the effort.

I'm not exactly sure whether or not I should still consult to you, because you have honestly been a FANTASTIC help, but it kind of seems like we have won eachother's hearts, and I wouldn't give up the time I've had with her, and the time I'm going to spend with her, for anything! She is literally the best that ever happened to me, and I am so very grateful for all the I have gotten from you, but also from all of my friends :) They have been very supportive of me, and whenever I was feeling down, they always managed to help me up again, and keep trying to make it work with her.

So here I am, not knowing how exactly I can thank you enough Jay, you helped me find the person, who is seemingly the love of my life! Thanks Jay! And to anyone else, who might be thinking of searching guidance, I am sure, that Jay will be able to help you out!

Thanks Jay!



Daniel 16 months ago

Heya Jay:') so im 16 and a guy. Every year my cousins family and our family go on holiday together but this time my cousin brought one of her friends. And basically i fell in love straight away she is so amazing haha:) anyways we got to know each other on the holiday and after that i talked to her alot over facebook and she really was keen in talking to me and we kept talking for ages until the next holiday. But on this holiday things change a little.

She starts talking to me more on the holiday and touching me (appropretly) she started putting her arm around me and joking around with me And even one time when we were all playing a horror game on the laptop ( Slenderman haha incase your wondering:D ) and she was laying right next to me and a jump scare came out of nowhere on the game and she grabed my hand and held it! I was like what the heck haha, i was in heaven because she held my hand. And it wasnt just hold my hand and let go she actually kept it there until i moved. At the end of the holiday she hugged me goodbye. So we kept talking on facebook and she started quite a few of the convos becuase she just simply wanted to talk to me and she also came to me to help her with her problems.

But then for some stupid reason of mine i stopped talking to her because i thought i was annoying her for some reason when i wasnt And i didnt talk to her for months until i finally messaged her and she asked why i stopped talking to her and i said i thought i was annoying you. Then she went spaz at me in a funny way And said how crazy i was for thinking that. Then it turns of she thought i didnt like her either haha so we were both idiots for doing that.

The problem is now i stopped talking to her again then i messaged her again and she seemed so much less intrested. do you think she just gave up on me?

What should i do now? say sorry? Im lost and i dont know what to do. I swear she liked me at one point:(

tar144 16 months ago

Hi again Jay

It didn't work out this time... long story... but just want to say thanks for replying. I guess I'm just not used to this stuff! I appreciate the advice

Alex8711 16 months ago

Hey Jay! So recently, after a lot of casual and small talk, she decided to let me know, why she didn't feel like she was ready, or worthy for that matter.

Apparently she had lied to me, and I know, that you might think, "well what did she lie about?" because I thought that myself.

She had apparently lied about a time, when she said that she didn't like me.

She is also afraid of being alone with me, because she has some type of fear, of saying or doing something stupid.

Honestly, I don't even remember her saying, that she didn't like me, and I don't understand why she is afraid of being alone with me



Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 16 months ago from England Author

@tar144. Hi there Tar, a nice long comment for you. For now i will just answer your first comment. I have a backlog of comments so i try to get around to each person in order of the time they commented, your next on that list ;) English guy dating a Turkish girl, interesting! That's a new one. Well lets be honest here she has approached you first so she had strong interest in you from the beginning, now i am assuming by approaching you she also asked you to hang out?

Now you say no one has made a first move.. firstly answer the question who asked who to hang out.. you said she approached you first so its possible she is expecting you to escalate this on your side i.e hold her hands, kiss her. If you have not kissed by the third date she may wonder if your really into her. I don't want you to feel pressured or anything.. because its imperative you are able to read her and her feelings well. So tell how was she behaving on the first 2 dates? Did she seemed interested in you? Does she show the signals in this article?

Regarding the more recent date.. you said she was on the phone a lot and things were one sided. That can be a sign of disinterest but it can also just mean she had much on her mind, that she had things to do, perhaps she was texting someone who was having a crisis. Did the turkish girl your dating tell you anything such as "sorry i need to text my friend because shes upset" or "my friend keeps bugging me about something".. since if she did then she would be trying not to disappoint you.

Personally it can be quite rude to spend a whole date texting someone unless they make out the importance of the texts compared to actually being with you. When i hang out with a friend (or a date) i do not spend my time texting/calling people, i respect the person i am hanging with.. the only exception is if it is an emergency. You say the conversation is one sided.. that can be a bad sign but it can also be a few different things:

1) your putting too much effort in and she is being lazy because of it 2) you have been behaving needy of recent and its turned her off 3) she was conflicted or something was on her mind (trust me there are stories of women who have period problems on a date and they can act weird and less caring during these moments).. Your guess is as good as mine. I simply am putting out the different reasons for why.

or 4) It could just be shes nervous when with you.. and when her friend came she felt more at ease.. it could be a sign shes highly into you and can't keep herself together.. pay attention to how she behaves when shes with you.. is she highly nervous or just pre-occupied like you don't matter to her? Being 19 and 23 is fine, totally fine. I really cannot see why she would or could make the 4 year difference an issue. But if we are to go off the words/rumors then she's still saying shes into you, my only advice to you is to not worry and just keep going with the flow.

So i would recommend you get into a state of mind where you let her come to you more, you let her ask you questions.. when a woman is just answering questions it could mean she is shy, nervous and doesn't know what to say (use your best judgement there) but i think that to be safe you should let her put just as much effort into conversations than you do.. you stop trying to push the convo along then she will try to keep things going instead, that is what you want. Good luck

Marian Basescu 16 months ago

Forgot to mention, the friend (of girl I like) whose face brighted/lighted up has a boyfriend, and she got happy when girl I like texted her (she was smiling as well), and that was 20 seconds after I offered her a drink. I could tell if they would have had a laugh at me, but they didn't, girl I like was happy and her friend was happy for her because I offered a drink ? after all, they were texting in same time (and smiling) Btw, when I said she came to talk to me, I meant to say that before that happened we talked for like 3 times (2 minutes each) in the whole life, so all we had was something very insignificant. Before she actually came to talk I saw her standing by herself two metres away from me for roughly 20 seconds, her body was facing me but she was looking somewhere else and not at me, saw her and smiled to myself (she didn't see), she left but then randomly made a U-turn and came to talk to me (she was very nervous, asked a lot questions, etc.). Next day I was on conputer in library, she passed by in front of me for 3 times, and each time was staring at me with an interesting (lighted up face) look.. she went to see her friends, but I know for sure she had a quicker way to go there (which she normally takes), but I believe she passed by just to make herself seen and look at me. My friends told me thst she done this because she likes you but she is childish (although almost 20)...Something similar happened about two other times, but I'm not gonna write now because I think you got the idea and I already wrote too much :/. Thing is I'm so nervous and shy and although I can tell she probably has something for me (based on desire-ful on-purpose eye contact ahe gave me), I was not actually able to go and talk to her at all since the time she came to speak to me, only once and then I was a bit drunk and at that point I asked her out for coffee :((. So I don't know if she would say "yes" to coffee invitation even thought she might like a guy who never talks to her unless she goes to talk to him :(, what would you advise me to do ?

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 16 months ago from England Author

@jl. No problem mate, i am always here if you need further advice or opinion. Sometimes some women just will not budge on their decision, they have made set in stone decision so to speak.. however the future could bring anything.. however now i would just focus on other ladies, in other words only give your time to the women that seem like they are available, as soon as a woman is not making herself available its time to move on. If your situation changes or you meet someone else and wonder if she is into you let me know and i will gladly help out in any way possible. Good luck

tar144 16 months ago

Hi Jay! Not sure if you saw my first comment!

Me and this girl have gone on a few dates so far. She's Turkish, I'm English, we have to speak Italian to understand each other, when neither of us can speak it very well! She was the one who approached me first and we went out two times after that. Both times went quite well despite the language barrier. I think there's some kind of mutual attraction there, however neither of us have made any kind of move yet. It's all very polite at the moment. The third 'date' we went on didn't go so well. She was on her phone constantly and went to the toilet a lot too, which are obviously bad signs. The conversation was very much one-sided-she barely spoke except to answer my questions. At the beginning she told me that her friend would be joining us at some point which she did eventually. She seemed to relax when her friend arrived and we had a few drinks together. When her friend wanted to go home she said that she would go with her. I'm 19 and she's 23. Does this matter? It seemed as if she tried to make a point of this about halfway through... I know all this doesn't sound very promising, but the day after I overheard another of her friends asking whether she liked me, and she said 'sì molto molto molto'. Maybe she just didn't understand the question 'ti piace Tom?'? I don't know what to make of all this. Please help if you can!

Marian Basescu 16 months ago

Hello, unfortunately I will not see her until end of September until next university year starts, and last time I saw her was the night before I wrote my last post :(. Yes, I am from Romania, and she is Russian. What I meant was "she is looking at me at the time when I am around", but I said "she was looking at me" because it happened before I wrote the previous message, sorry for the misunderstanding :D,. I wouldn't say she looks at me because she is bored, and I am saying this because in some cases she literally had to turn around and glance or stare at me while she was with her group of friends, or by herself in the exam, so I would say she was aware that she does these things. What I'll say next is not because my mind is clouded with hope, as I'm trying my best to be realistic, but her face really brights up when she sees me and I'm still not a very close friend with her. For example, when she saw me once she had a huge smile on her face and told me: "hello to you" in Russian, or another time "Ola" in spannish, same big smile and bright face. A friend told me that "she is trying to be funny", and I did not particularly show any interest in these languages to her or anybody in order to make her speak in this way with me. As well as this, there were two mutual friends (boys) and me and we were talking in not a very crowded place, she passed with her best friend, she stared at me and said "hi" and I nodded (she had a big smile and her face brighted up), and she totally ignored the two mutual friends which she knows better than me (one russian, the other one was in her class for 4 months so she was seeing him much more than she was seeing me me, she didn't have any fight with them in order to have a problem and ignore on purpose). After she passed my friend told me: "bloody hell, she said hi to you and ignored us, that's a sign (he knows my story). I honestly don't think that she would miss my friendship, because technically so far I didn't speak that much with her or spent time with her in order to be a bond between us, and I didn’t speak to her other than times when it happened to be together in study groups, when I spoke to her in the club (once), or when she came to talk to me. I do have her phone number, but decided not to call her as I expected her to be at some end-of-year parties after the night last events happened, so decided to meet her there instead of calling, unfortunately at one party I left too early and she came late, and didn't see her at the other one. The following thing might sound childish but I believe is major. I was texting on my phone, she was roughly ten metres away from me by herself, I raise my eyes and I notice her staring at me as if she has something with me (although I didn't do absolutely anything to her or her friends), and it was for around 4-5 seconds. I would say it was a desire look, and not because my mind is clouded with judgement, but because I felt something when saw her staring at me in that way and looked back in the same way (I would say with desire). I never saw any other friends who are girls to do that with me, and honestly if they would and it would happen in this scenario (in the library, where girl I like looked) I would tell them "is something wrong?", but I obviously didn't say that to the girl I like because I kinda knew why she did it :)). When I told my friend (a girl) this, she told me: "wow, she is obsessed". I’m trying to be realistic, and I believe that if this would be put in isolation, probably it wouldn’t mean anything, but when put together with other things she done (i.e. searching for me in the crowd with her eyes, coming to speak to me although at the time we spoke three times per 2 minutes each, etc.), would you say it means something ? Last thing, I think I done a lot of mistakes as well, and biggest one as my friends would tell me is that I overthinked/overanalysed and didn't actually go to speak to her, although I know for sure she gave so many opportunities ( it is first time I try to actually get with a girl I like which I met after I was 10 years old), and I realised that not talking to her really annoyed her. Like she was in a study room with me and 6 other people for 1h30min, I didn't say a word apart from asking her after 30 minutes when she came there "how was the exam", she replied and said "how was yours", but I saw that the look in her eyes was different than she gives to others (I'm realistic, but don't know how to explain that “different”). She randomly packed her stuff, had a very pissed off face, and when someone asked her where are you going she said: "can't study here, too many people", although in other situations and I'm not there she has no issues studying with other people, and at the time when we were there I didn't do absolutely nothing to her in order to make her to leave. Few days after I realised when talking to a friend that she actually got annoyed because I didn't say a word to her apart from that question :(.Her friend which I was talking about was in the room before she came, and she was completely normal with me. I actually exchanged a few words with her, but when girl I like came in the room her friend was on her phone, girl I like was on her phone as well (they were in the same time) and her friend kept staring at me (my friends think that they were speaking about me because they were putting phones down and taking them up in same time). But anyway, I hope this information makes it clearer for you.. (I tried to be realistic and unbiased). A more mature and close friend of mine told me that: "is obviously she likes you based on all stuff she does, but the problem is not with her, the problem is with you, and this is because you don't talk to her at all unless either she comes to talk to you, it happens for you to be together in group study, or you go straight to her and ask her out, which doesn't work as it makes you look like a foolish". Now, what would you advise me to do in September, I know is long time but at least I get some peace-of-mind over the summer. I thought that I should actually become better friend with her by talking more than 2 minutes per two days, and then if I feel she does same things she done so far (long starings, asking lots of questions, and other things which I could tell she does different than a friend-zoned girl) ask her out for coffee ? And based on stuff I said so far, would you say she likes me ? Sorry about this essay, and if you want any more unbiased/realistic information please ask. Thank you so much man, I really appreciate what you are doing.

All the best,

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 16 months ago from England Author

@Marian Bascecu: Hi again mate. This "i will avoid guys i don't like" statement is something where you are taking the words too literally.. women do not always avoid the guys they don't like romantically.. to be honest i am not sure she likes you, she may just being friendly and your hope may be clouding your judgement (some things in your post make me think this), then again who knows..

I notice you said "she WAS looking at me" rather than "she IS looking at me"... So are you talking in past tense? or is she still staring at you? Is she looking at you just because you just happen to be around and she is bored? Or is she looking because she actually feels something for you? That is the big question here.

I think you must decide yourself on this.. generally you can tell the difference between a look of desire and a look of friendship.. if it's a look of friendship she will usually look at you as a way to wave at you. If its a look of desire she will look at you and smile to herself, or she look at you and act like nothing happened between you.. its a woman's way of baiting you basically.

The fact you said her friend did the bright look at you means one of two things, your over reading the signs these women are giving you OR they both like you.. You need to be honest with yourself here. Personally i do not buy women drinks because in the UK women see it as needy and buying their approval, however in more traditional culture it can be seen as a good thing. May i ask what her culture is? By your name you sound like you are from Romania?

I think whether or not she is into you will become apparent with time.. but i think the most important thing i can tell you right now is not to overanalyze, be fixated on her or buy her stuff.. you need to rid that from you system in the long term. Women are generally very good at picking up on when guys are into them.. so my guess is as good as anyone.. she might already know you like her.. or she might not..

Maybe she is asking when you are going home because: she will miss your friendship or because she likes you romantically.. hard to say.. I would suggest you get her number.. if you have.. ask her if she wants to hang out with you privately.. don't call it a date, just ask if she wants to get coffee and see if she wants to see you.. if she does shes likely interested.. if she doesn't, shes not.. its really that simple.. if shes into you shes not going to let the chance slip.

Women who like a guy back wont make it hard for them.. But on its own it is not enough for me to give you a clear answer, i do suggest seeing if she wants to hang out though if you have her number, as that will cut things to the chase. Keep me posted :) Good luck

tar144 16 months ago

Me and this girl have gone on a few dates so far. She's Turkish, I'm English, we have to speak Italian to understand each other, when neither of us can speak it very well! She was the one who approached me first and we went out two times after that. Both times went quite well despite the language barrier. I think there's some kind of mutual attraction there, however neither of us have made any kind of move yet. It's all very polite at the moment. The third 'date' we went on didn't go so well. She was on her phone constantly and went to the toilet a lot too, which are obviously bad signs. The conversation was very much one-sided-she barely spoke except to answer my questions. At the beginning she told me that her friend would be joining us at some point which she did eventually. She seemed to relax when her friend arrived and we had a few drinks together. When her friend wanted to go home she said that she would go with her. I'm 19 and she's 23. Does this matter? It seemed as if she tried to make a point of this about halfway through... I know all this doesn't sound very promising, but the day after I overheard another of her friends asking whether she liked me, and she said 'sì molto molto molto'. Maybe she just didn't understand the question 'ti piace Tom?'? I don't know what to make of all this. Please help if you can!

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 16 months ago from England Author

@Alex8711. Hi again Alex. You have already asked her.. asking her again is pointless.. if shes ready to date she will make it known to you. I am not sure what to make of her message, it can mean that either she truly isn't ready to date or she is leading you on.. i think the best thing you can do is stop caring about WHEN it is going to happen and just live your life.. don't come across as "im waiting for you forever" because as soon as you do you give her permission to mess you around.

Now im not saying tell her to make her mind up.. im simply saying give no damn about where things are going with her.. if shes interested enough and wants to be with you she will make the time for your eventually and pursue you. You have done enough for now.. It seems to me that her friends are giving a good idea that she is into you, i hope that is true, that is what it sounds like to me. Go with the flow, don't be needy or desperate, she will make it known at some point shes ready either verbally or non verbally.

But yes like i said.. don't ask anything, especially at this stage... don't become impatient.. just go with the flow, if nothing seems to develop then just go like nothing has happened. If something does develop and i am sure it will eventually then there is a likelyhood she will either ask you to hang out some time or she will give you her number or what not. I am not sure if you already have her contact number as its been a while since i last replied to you. Regardless keep me posted on this and i will do my best to help. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@josh. Hi there. The view i am getting from your comment is that she either does like you but is good at hiding it or you are just like a best friend to her.. I always say that if you have been friends for more than 3 months and she hasn't yet given a more obvious signal then the likelihood is that she isn't feeling anything. I would be more focused on things such as whether she likes touching you, constantly trying to look good/pretty for you when your around, seems really excited to see you, seems shy with you, is always giving you small gifts/compliments, always wants to see you..

You say she never rejects you asking to see her which can be a good sign but how many times have you asked her altogether? More importantly how much does she ask to see you? Are you the one doing all the asking? Talking for hours can be interest.. but it can also just be a very good friendship, you need to tell whether or not she talks to you because she has nothing better to do or because speaking to you is better than anything else.. personally if i was in your position i would just give her a hug.. things can only be awkward if you make them awkward.

It's hard for me to say whether she into you, There is not enough here for me to give you an answer.. but there are things you can try.. try taking her hand and holding it.. try playing with her hair.. if she pulls away shes not interested.. if she allows it then she is likely interested, then you might eventually go for the kiss. I would not tell her how you feel but just see how she responds to you touching her, testing the waters is in my opinion always better in the long term than flat out telling your feelings.

Her actions/body language will always give you the answer if you pay attention closely to it. But don't become fixated; obsession kills attraction.. Those people/friends who say she is/isn't interested; those with the most relationship experience will usually be able to give the best guess on whether this girl likes you or not, you must also consider are there signs that she does not like you and also think along those lines too to remain realistic. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@Shawn. What does it mean if she does all these things but you don't see her much? well i'd say firstly its always a good thing if you have all the signs, i'd say 99% of the time shes is into you.. however to give a better verdict tell me exactly what the girl does in detail and i will be able to observe better what is happening. As i will always say here to guys, sometimes it is possible to over read the signs though.

I'd think that if she doesn't see you much then you're pretty much unavailable to her, because your not so available to her it probably brings out her interest level a lot since she has to wait so much in between intervals to see and talk to you. Usually we attract those women that dont' see us often because they spend more time thinking about us when were gone whereas guys who are always around her have the opposite effect.

So if she seems really excited to see you, wants to hang out with you and if she just plain out right talks to you a lot, shows interest in your life like she can't get enough of you then I'd say shes into you and probably hopes to get closer to you. I would encourage spending a little more time (but not too much) with her to see if things progress. Good luck

jl 17 months ago

Thanks jay, and honestly I really don't care about the answer its just I needed a person who would give me the truth, no lies or nothing fake.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@jl. That was quite the read! Regardless i think there is some possible signs here she is (or was previously) into you, the staring being the obvious one especially if it was happening well before you got to know her. My guess as to why she asked if you like a girl is: One she is jealous or thinks you like the other girl more than her.. or two she knows someone who does like you, my money was on the first one.

The fact you mentioned hanging out in the summer and she suddenly jumped to "i can't date" is a sign she has had dating on her mind.. i think that going by what you have said, either she is into you and is annoyed because she is not given permission by her parents to date guys.. or two she knows you're into her and she is making up excuses to not hang out with you because shes not that interested, I'd like to think its the first reason.

Another thing is that i sense that you are pushing for things to change.. you have to accept her answer.. if you become pushy or keep bringing up if shes changed her mind you wont get anywhere, you will end up going backwards and completely turn her off altogether. Her excuse for not dating could be because she feels weird dating older or her parents heard about you and thought "oh my daughter isn't dating a guy 4 years older!".

Having said that you might have done something that turned her off.. perhaps she feels you like her too much and that is turning her off as well. I think the best thing you can do is back off.. if she wants you she will come to you. You want more than she is willing to give and she doesn't. You must stop thinking about how you feel because your feelings don't matter.. if she isn't going to date you then all you can do is decide to get on with your life.

You have to see here that even if she is somewhat interested shes not trying to be with you, unfortunately that probably isn't the answer you want to hear but she has made her mind up, perhaps in a years time she changes her mind? Who knows. Having said that she is someone you must stop trying to be with, she might not be ready to date at 16, when she is 18 she might be different, but i would not verbalize that you are waiting around for her or anything.. Good luck

jl 17 months ago

Lol, jay, lol, I'm still up for an answer, I'm just letting u know not rushing u or nothing lol.

Marian Basescu 17 months ago

Forgot to mention, when she asked "when are you going to... wherever", she meant to ask me when I am going to my country, because most of students in our course are international and everybody expects everybody who doesn't speak english with english accent to go back home after term ends...* She knew where I'm from as I told her before but maybe she was trying to act cool ? And btw, I thought about something. When she went out of the queue after I offered to offer her a drink, she didn’t get the “you’re a looser” or I’m sorry for you” vibe… she seemed quite excited and her face lit up, and so was her best friend while they seemed to text each other while we were all there in the crowd… I’m pretty sure this is the case, as I saw a girl before which I asked out for coffee but rejected me completely afterwards, and she (girl I asked before) still looks and smiles at me but in a very “I feel sorry for you” way, and that’s because she knew I have a crush on her. She also saw the last 2-3 messages I sent on facebook but never replied, so I assume she ignores me. She is friend with the girl I like (but not extremely close) and they seem to be quite similar in mentality as they are from same country. Thanks man : )!

Marian Basescu 17 months ago

Hey there, I hope you're good, and thanks for the reply. Don’t know how to compensate this long message, but I am so stressed that I can’t even sleep and is 6 am already : ((... Firstly, by shiny eyes I meant her face lights up as you say. So, a friend of mine (similar character/type/cultural background to girl I like) told me that she would avoid a guy if she would see that he likes her. Nonetheless, she wouldn't "force" herself to go talk to him unless she likes him back, so that's what the girl I like done, she came and talked to me as I assume she saw that I ignore and she didn't want the situation to die? We studied in groups for exams, and she was staring at me and looking at me in an interesting/different (to looks she gives others) way when I had something to say. In the exams she was in the seat which is front-right to me… I saw her looking back a few times for many seconds, but didn’t look as it was exams after all, saw it with corner of my eye. One of my friends was on my left and when we went out one of first things he said was: “Bloody hell, saw that girl staring at you for so long in 3 different occasions”. One time I looked back at her as I couldn’t resist and was getting nervous, and the moment I looked she was looking at me but in same time wanted to look down because she was so nervous. At the end of the exam she was just staring at my hand while I was putting the watch on, but not at me, and she literally had to turn around to do that as I was somewhere behind. I done same once, I couldn’t face her in the eyes but looked at her hand while she was putting a cigarette in her mouth and back. So, when studying together in group and just two of us were left I asked her if she needs help, and helped her in explaining 2 things (I don’t think she “uses” me for studies as we have different modules and I am not clever enough for that). Then she asked me: “where is your exam, sports hall again” (so she showed me that she remembers where I am?). Then she asked me: “will you be here tomorrow morning?” … I went SU (student union club) last night, went behind her and asked her if I could buy her a drink. She was with a friend on the queue and told me “not now as her friend already offered to buy” and they were waiting. Randomly, she leaves the queue, stands on the side to my right and goes on her phone, and then she smiles a lot for roughly 30 seconds, her best friend was somewhere next to me (girl) on my left was smiling as well, was on the phone and was staring at me a lot. I ignored her quite a lot (girl I like) lately so could she be happy that I paid attention to her? Then she moved around while giving me glances, and I could notice she was in a very good mood, smiling much more and talking a lot with her friends (which some I know), all while I was around looking at them. Then she is quite popular and gets chased by so many guys I didn’t even see before, so I assume she doesn’t have the time to be happy just because a random guy like me offered to buy her a drink… Apart from these lots of long eye contact in the club, then when outside she was talking to a guy, I was just staring at her and she was giving me glances (I was too shy to talk while he was there). I then changed my position and saw her glancing at place I was before, then she was looking around with her sight in the crowd until she found me in my new spot, then we locked eyes for a few seconds. Then she was with some friends quite far and I saw her there, I looked away, and then I don’t see her there anymore. I started panicking for a bit as that was so weird as she was there 20 seconds ago, but then I look in front of me and I randomly see her standing 1 metre away from me and looking at me, and then I said hello, and she asked me “when are you going to… wherever”, and I replied. I asked her if she wants to dance but she said that she was going home. I then chased her, she went with one of her mates to toilet (male) and waited outside, but I didn’t care and I went and talked to her again… I touched her face and ear, reached for her left cheek which I touched with my lips, then reached for the ear and asked for phone number. I gave her the phone and then she typed it, and then she called… I asked her if she wants to go coffee at a certain point of time next week but she said “maybe”. She left, and from 3 metres away she waived with her phone and showed me that she received the call. She wasn’t drunk at all, and didn’t seem to have a problem that I go to talk to her so much, or didn’t push me away when I touched her cheek with my lips and stuff… I don’t think the guy from the toilet is her boyfriend as she seemed a bit rejectful, and I think she saw that I don’t like that she was with him… when she got home she posted picture on instagram with all her friends (which go there after club nights often), which is very unusual as she never does that. So she saw that I saw that she left and the guy was chasing her, so I assume she wanted me to see through the picture that she is not doing “stuff” with the guy ? and by the way, when in study room her best friend (one I spoke about bove, which was smiling at her phone), was completely normal with me (we hardly speak), but when girl I like came into the room she started staring at me for so long, then they were both taking phones and both putting them back in the same time (so I assume they were texting about me). Same friend of hers asked me if I’ll go to their Russian party, as she “needs my vote for elections there”. Is funny because I hardly spoke to her and I didn’t know her that well… During one exam (in which girl I like done quite bad I think unfortunately, but she done good in others), she looked at me again (same place) and done a very disappointed and sad face, and almost waived her head a bit. My friend told me that she feels comfortable with showing her feelings to me, although technically we don’t know each other that well. Once I was on the phone, I raise my head and suddenly see her staring at me from the distance… All these things happened in the past 3 weeks, and btw, I started to speak to her on facebook messenger, and she replies (although sometimes late as she doesn’t use facebook that much, considering russians have their own version) in a very good manner and most of the time she asks me questions back. My friend told me that is good that she replies at 2 30 AM( after “last active 8h ago”, as she thinks of me at that time maybe? : )) And I assume that if she would have answered from politeness and because she is nice then even that has a limit, because I started texting her the night she came to speak to me… which is roughly 3 weeks ago. Once when she was with 2 friends (girls both) I saw her from the distance, I approached them as they were on my way, me and her locked eyes, I got close to her and she said “hello”, and I could see she had a wish of talking as she didn’t stop looking, and that wasn’t a casual hello, but I just nodded and moved forward as I wasn’t expecting to see them and couldn’t talk as I’m shy… … But then I don’t know why she said “maybe” to my coffee question? Probably because I didn’t speak enough face-to-face? And there are few other things which I can’t say as this essay is long enough, but mainly is her staring at me for a lot of seconds in different places and situations, and I stare back, and ofc important point (as you said), she done this BEFORE I spoke to her for first time, and her starings is the reason for why I got so in love with her, but before I was completely normal with her and didn’t feel any attraction. However, I’m still annoyed about that “maybe” she gave last night ?! Do you think she isn’t ready still as we didn’t talked that much yet and she takes this “coffee” thing as a date? Thank you so much…

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@Devon. Hi there Devon. I think that if your friend thinks she is into you then there is a good chance she is.. a second opinion can be helpful usually because they have a detached logical view of the situation. When she looks at you is she doing it purposely to get your attention or is she looking your way when your not paying attention? Blushing is a good thing. However i am not sure what you mean by your friend got her to look at you?

I cannot say there is any certainty of attraction here.. i cannot see anything that stands out as her being attracted.. but there is some signs in there that do imply that she might.. if you catch looking at you it can be a good sign.. but is she doing that because she wants to or because you friend told her to? I will probably need more details.. all i can say for now and the time being is to just be patient and allow things to happen naturally.. if shes into you i think she will do other things.. i.e striking up random conversations with you.. Good luck

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Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@D3an. Hi again mate. If there is one thing i learnt from life.. there will be many screw ups or rejections before you meet the right gal.. that's right, falling too easily for a gal can only make the outcome you want more out of reach. As always feel free to come here if you need anymore advice. Talk soon. Good luck

Alex8711 17 months ago

Well Jay, we're not exactly dating... Yet.. But she has recently told me, that she loves me, and that she really wants to be with me, but that she isn't ready.. I hope that it's actually true though, and that she will be ready at some point.

And just today, when I arrived at the place, where I have french, I was greeted by her friends like this: "your girlfriend (her name) is here!" So they found out somehow, that we were in love.. And this is very awkward for me, who is very shy.

Would you think, that she ever will be ready? Because I don't feel, that it's right to ask her..



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Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@Marian Basescu. I was a bit behind on your comments so i hope nothing bad happened in the mean time!?.. I skipped to your most recent comment. If shes been staring and smiling at you for weeks then shes pretty much saying with her actions "i find something interesting about you".. she is being self conscious which is usually the biggest signal of attraction.. nervousness happens because shes trying her best to look her best around, she doesn't want to make herself look bad in front of you.. in other words she has a lot to lose if she does something in front of you that could potentially turn you off, this is why we act silly in front of our crushes because we want to come across as being the perfect match.

Leaning in and asking questions are also good signs.. when gals say "maybe" to hanging out or date they usually mean "not yet" in this context.. don't come across pushy, allow her to come to you when shes ready... let her get to know you a bit more.. do not bring up any talk of dating. the worst thing you can do is demand answers especially quick ones, i understand you want to know where you stand but her interest must grow more first so she can trust herself enough to date you..

i assure you when you stop coming across as waiting for a date then she will start to question the situation (a good thing).. then she will start to make moves toward you! She obviously hasn't got enough interest yet.. Patience is your best friend.. and yes you are right, asking too soon is a common mistake guys make.. you simply have to start all over again.. let her come to you more than you go to her.. this time you just have to wait a bit longer until your 100% certain she wants to date you.. she may also be scared of the idea of dating someone especially if shes inexperienced.. you must take this also into account..

If by shiny eyes you mean her face lights up every time she sees you and she has the dreamy eye look then yes she is certainly into you.. like i said.. the signals are all there, it just sounds like you asked too early.. rather than allowing things to happen naturally.. also don't obsess over her or become fixated.. this wont help you.. i understand it feels amazing to have a lady show interest in you but keep your mind off her for a while, don't come across eager.. I truly believe you have a chance to get this girl and i think you know too, keep me posted.. i wish you luck :)

josh 17 months ago

Hi. I am falling for my friend. We met about a year ago, however, got closer recently (started hanging out 5 months ago). She is not perfect but that is what i love about her. She invited me to her birthday party a few months ago (i was the only guy there). She also celebrated my birthday a couple month ago with another girl-friend of ours. We also hang out approx. twice a month lately. We played tennis and hiked together, stuff like that. I am bad at taking hints; we make direct eye contact when we talk and we can talk for hours. Sometimes we lose track of time; clock spins like motor when we are together. Anyway, we never hugged before, i chicken out. Im not sure how to initiate it, i'll be awkward. Additionally, she does not mind if i touch her(appropriately) and she never rejected me when i ask to hang out. We chat a few times a week via text. She called me once a couple weeks ago about her girl-friend (we ended up talking for 2 hours). We laugh endlessly when we joke around and we give full attention when we talk. I never seen her with another guy, so I do not know if she is like that to every guy or just me. But when she tells me about her day, she is always hanging out with her girl-friends. I really like her and i want her to be happy. Some people told me she just want to be friends while others told me she is intereated in me too. But i don't know. We already made plans next weekend to visit a national park. Should I let her know how i feel? I often overthink about this and it bothers me, but i can't help it. Any suggestion would be greatly appriciated it. Thanks.

Shawn 17 months ago

What if she does all those things but I don't see her that much?

jl 17 months ago

Hi jay, okay, there is a girl at my school we felt a connection but she approached me first and we began to talk about what happened earlier that day on the school bus but anyway I got to my friend house and I told my friend what happened and we just begin to laugh but I looked her up on instagram and got her kick on instagram and she was shocked when I messaged her and began asking me questions and we began to talk and joke around with each other for days and play with each other and I would by her sweets for rewards and she would be like awwww, but anyway she an outgoing girl and shy in a way but I knew immediately she liked me because she would stare at me a lot, tbh she reminded me of me, funny, caring, not mean, and playful and I really felt something foe this girl, we were talking on kik one day and I was about to get off so I asked her anything else? She asked me if I liked a girl, one of my friends because she see me with her a lot and I told her no I don't and she said okay, I talked with the girl she thought I liked on the bus and she was staring a lot, I seen her, but anyway tbh I'm a senior, I'm 20 and she about to be 16, I told her my age and stuff and surprisingly she did not even know i was a senior because her real close friend never told her, I asked her if we can ever hangout in the summer and she said no my parents won't even let me date and she said but we can still keep in contact and I said okay and she asked me so wyd, but skip that part the next day I talked to her on kik and she wasn't really being herself so I asked her how she feel about all this and she said first off u way to old for me that's how I feel, and I told her thanks for letting me know the truth and she said right and goodnight, till then she won't talk to me unless its important, now we still friends like if i ask for a picture from her to draw she will give it to me and she sometimes give me challenge pictures to draw, but one strange day she asked me for my last name and it was weird because she should have been known my last name but I told her and she never message back until I messaged her, like I said we don't play around with each other no more but we do talk when its important, and she still stare and she flirts with other guys but they don't like her. What do u think about all this jay? I really love her and I told her and she said that love is a strong word and some other stuff but the whole time she thought I didn't like her till the last day I told her.

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Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@Alex8711. Hey hey wait a minute..! I just saw your other comments just now, what happened? You asked her out again and she said yes? I am interested to hear about it. I never advice asking a woman what the reason was for why she did not like you because it shows a lack of confidence in yourself, however in your case it seems to have been fine.. so she said you did not know each other very well, there is the answer right there.

She did not trust you enough because she hardly knew you, she wanted to feel comfortable with you first and because you had no rapport or gave her any sense of having anything in common she was reluctant to hang out with you, i am not sure if that means you're actually dating now or not? I hope so.. I am assuming you have sorted everything now? Either way congratulations :)

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Jay Rando 17 months ago from England Author

@soul noir. Hey there. It sounds to me that either you misread her friendliness as interest or that she had interest and lost interest. Sometimes women are just looking for a friend as well, sometimes when we want something to be true we will make something bigger than it appears, in this case the likelyhood is that you took her niceness toward you as something else. It could also be that when you asked "what do you like about me" she figured you out, she knew you were into her (or before that) and this left her feeling awkward, she might not have known how to answer that question so she said "i don't know" as to avoid answering.

I would not say its completely over yet.. i would hang out a little more, lay off a little and let her come to you more. In many cases it is possible to turn it around if she was initially interested, just avoid asking her heartfelt questions or questions that give you away as someone who wants a chance with her. If you really think about it when you ask someone what they like about you its a very sensitive question, its the kind of thing a boyfriend would ask his girlfriend. Since you are not at that stage yet you must keep it casual, you don't need to know why she likes you, just have fun and focus on having fun, the rest will come if its meant to be. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 18 months ago from England Author

@Alex8711. Hi again Alex, sorry to hear about what happened. Unfortunately i am not perfect and yes not everyone is the same, this is something we find out eventually.. over the internet i am simply taking the signs your giving me and making an observation based on those signs, i cannot see her body language or the consistencies/intricacies of her actions unless i am there with you in person, in this case i wish i were there with you to observe.. there is always a chance i can be wrong.

But on the bright side i think you should give yourself a pat on the back for the confidence and courage you have shown here, unfortunately some women will not like us or never like us.. regardless i am proud of you for making the move. There are many times in life where women will seem interested but are just very very friendly.. some women will lead guys on, other times they are trying out their flirting skills on us without even realizing the effect is has. Not to mention that it is even possible to be deceived by the opposite sex.

There are plenty of attractive lovely women out there to date, the next one is just around the corner for you i am sure.. A woman wont flirt that much accidentally so my thinking is that she is either boosting her ego or she saw you as a very good friend she was close to who she thought she could play with thinking you would understand she was just having fun. I wish you luck with the next one.

D3an 18 months ago

Hi Jay uhm thanks will apply it to my life now around girls but little to late she completely friend zoned me...I know it seems like i do fall easily and i do but with what you have said it will help me change thankyou

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Jay Rando 18 months ago from England Author

@D3an. Hi there mate. I am not sure if this is too late for you so i will give it my best shot.. firstly the main killer of attraction is neediness.. so don't become too invested or invested too soon, i have seen so many comments from you for different women which do not seem to work out so i think its better to focus on the main things.. Firstly let her invest in you as much as you invest in her. Also don't obsess about her or think about her too much, keep your mind off her and you will find things become easier for you.. that is how you become less invested.

Try not to impress her.. as that will do the opposite, just be casual, have fun and be like the everyday person you are around your guy friends.. don't sound eager on the phone or in person. Do not let a pretty attractive gal make you lose your composure, don't make her into something amazing and out of this world, you are the prize. The last thing you want to do is give the impression your dying/waiting for a chance with her. Most times you push a woman away is because of neediness.. or other things like being controlling/pushy or desperate.

Don't call her all the time.. don't text her all the time.. don't be around her all the time.. don't be there at her beck and call.. let her chase you. Flirting? That will require some of your own creative thinking. I am not sure how far along you are but pet names, playing with her hair or creating some kind of drama work best.. some guys undo the girls bra from behind, some guys throw some water on her and some guys might jump out and scare her (this really depends on your ages and the type of woman your dealing with). Ironically these things create excitement but i would focus less on flirting for now and more on why women are pushing you away, that needs to be addressed, i often don't flirt with women during courtship and they still like me but i will bust their balls which may be classed as flirting. Good luck

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Jay Rando 18 months ago from England Author

@Old Guy. Hi there. There is never a guarantee with *signals*, they act more like likelyhoods.. so yes i agree somewhat with the point your trying to make, however your talking about a very rare woman there. Like you I've had some experiences where women seemed to show all the signals under the sun only for me to find out they were not into me and just playing around. It sounds like you possibly took some signs online too literally.. i can agree there are naff articles out there online but to dismiss these signals here as not believable makes me think your too mistrustful of what is out there. If someone comes here for guarantees they have find out that she (the woman) is the only one who can tell you if shes really into you or not. We can only make calculated guesses on pages like these.

I did find this comment from you as something personal to people who write articles on this topic.. because its easy to cherry pick one bad experience and use that one experience to disprove/disparage something that happens on a common basis. When men are sure about something someone told them only to find out otherwise it can be painful because it then makes them question their own ability, men feel like fools for believing someone liked them all that time.. but its much too easy to blame people who advised us with correct information rather than seeing the woman as the odd apple out, we are talking 1 woman every 1000 who are like these examples. I'd hate to think any guy could come here asking for my help that showed all the signs only to blame me when he was fooled by a woman who is a great con artist.

Some women are players.. some women just mimic the signals of attraction because they do it to be liked by everyone. For me the importance is to take something positive away from this page. I'm not sure if your "be careful what you read online" thing was aimed at my page or in general but in the end if it helps guys learn to read women better then that is what i care about most. The complexities of reading people is something you can't just read about, its something you have to witness in in the real world. Who is to say in your situation she DID not originally like you then lost interest in you later? I've seen so many situation where guys had all the signals then it was too late when they finally made a move Things like this happen more often then men think. Appreciate the comment though. Good luck

Marian Basescu 18 months ago

Hey, please don’t bother reading my “essays”, I’ll write the main points here: D. Basically this girl’s been staring and smiling at me for four weeks, getting nervous when around me, adjusting clothes, etc. (before I ever talked to her). I noticed and started to like her, spoke to her four times and each time like 2 min (we were both nervous, she was doing things like leaning in towards me when asking questions, etc.), asked her out for coffee twice (first time she said maybe, second time “maybe” but I then said “just say yes or no, I’m tired of your maybes”, and she said no, maybe because she was angry because of what I’ve said as maybe it was rude and she didn’t “know me”). After she said no I’ve seen her in the library in that day 1h later and she was smiling at me a lot as if she was extremely happy (she felt good after saying “no” as maybe she saw me way too desperate). I read your other article and I believe I did not know her good enough and asked her too early maybe, but however I might have been too pushy in the small talks we had. However, although I got these answers from her she’s been always staring at me (from distance as well, both before and after I asked her for coffee) and sometimes walking a lot around where I was studying for no reason. I came back to university this week and since Monday we said hi when we passed by each other, and we were looking at each other a lot from distance. I could notice she gives me interesting looks when passing by and shiny eyes. However today it seemed interesting (I think this might be the main point). I was with a friend and from distance I saw her staring at me… 1h later I was by myself and as I look I see her standing close to me by herself. She had absolute no reason to be there as none of her friends where there and there was nothing there for her to do. She came to me after like 30 seconds (maybe she was trying to get her courage?) and started talking to me (asking me about studying, if ready for exam, how your holiday was, etc.) She then asked me “you study accounting right?”, just to show me that she remembers maybe… Conversation ended when we were both staring at each other and she said: “ok, I have to go, good luck with your exams”. Her eyes were very shiny and she was very nervous. I know for sure she is not that friendly and not shy in general, and I believe is a bit “suspicious” that she pays that much attention and bothers coming to speak to me as I don’t know her properly. A friend of mine told me that since I didn’t speak to her for long time she didn’t want the situation to die and came to talk to me… I read some of your comments and I learnt that you need to put evidence together. So, she’s always looking at me (both before and after I ever spoke to her), she gets nervous, she seems very happy when she says hello to me, although we barely know each other, and I know for sure she is not like that with all guys she barely knows. Two of my friends noticed she’s staring at me both in uni and clubs, and they seen it several times. So, after reading all this info, would you say she likes me ? And if yes, what should I do in order not to destroy the situation. Thanks,

Marian Basescu 18 months ago

Hey there, is me again.. I know that your time is limited and valuable and would like to be sorry for my "dissertations", but this thing been going on for 13 weeks and had to write all the information down although I tried to make it shorter :(. If you want to read my story, please do not read the very first huge paragraph I wrote (the one with the hyperlink), didn't thought it will be published after all.. Read the one which starts with "Hello, I left a comment before..". Thank you so much and would like to say that your answers would mean a lot to me, having read your other answers to similar comments and I find them very reliable. All the best,

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 18 months ago from England Author

@Elel. Hi there. Sorry to say this but i think you are looking for something that is not there, i wish it were otherwise but i just can't see anything going on here.. You mention you started conversations and then she doesn't start the conversations as much since you did that. So my thinking is that she just sees you as a friend..Maybeperhaps she did like you previously but lost interest, but still i don't believe that is the case.

I can't say i see anything here that makes me think shes into you.. Keeping the convo go is the only real sign, that may have been interest but i think its likely she probably asked a lot of questions because you had something in common which she probably wasn't used to hence why she said you are "cool".. only a cluster or group of signs would convince me enough that she is into you. From here let her come to you more, if shes into you she will step up her interest once you stop seeking her out for convos.. but being honest i have a strong feeling she unfortunately just sees you as a good friend only. Good luck

Devon 18 months ago

@Jay Rando Hey Jay. So there's a girl at work that I'm interested in. Been a bit interested for awhile. But, I can't quite tell if she is feeling similarly about me. One of my coworkers seems to think so.

Once in a while ill notice her looking at me when she isn't preoccupied. And my coworker said he got her to look right at me, smile, and blush without even saying anything about me directly.

She does talk to me sometimes if we're in the same space, and she and I did go for a hike together a couple weeks ago and stayed at her house talking to a mutual friend on Skype until 1 a.m.

Not sure what to make of this. Not wanting to read too much into anything.

Thanks for any light you may be able to shed on this situation.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 18 months ago from England Author

@Marlon johnson. Hi there. So you told her your interested right? And you feel something is lacking right.. how did she respond to your interest? You say she acts different around you to other people? This includes other males right? Usually that is a good sign.. but only if it was *prior* to you showing your interest in her.. or before she knew you were into her. Either she is into you somewhat or is not into you and is uncomfortable with your feelings.. a woman's nervousness is not always a sign of interest, it can just be she feels uneasy around guys.

However looking out the corner of her eye at you is a good sign as well as the quick looking away, I'd say 90% of the time that is certain interest however shy people or people who have a lot of fear/anxiety are intimidated easily. I can't put my thumb on it but there is something about your situation that makes me think you may be showing too much interest in her and she is simply more wary of your interest in her which makes her feel on edge (that isn't necessarily a good thing)..

The fact she has not replied back to you does unfortunately show shes NOT that interested in being with you.. either that or she is not ready for a relationship (not sure of your ages). I think you are simply too focused on this gal and need to take your attention away from her, for whatever reason shes either not ready to date or doesn't like you enough, i think part of that reason is that your too available and she senses it.. her interest level may change with time.

SO my advice is that.. Rather than keep questioning why she doesn't like you just accept she does NOT like you (especially for now) and get on with your life.. trust me if she changes her mind about you she knows where to find you, if she liked you she would have made it easier for you, her not replying to you made it clear. Thinking about her and this all the time is part of an obsession that might be holding you back, i believe that is where you are lacking.. go on living your life, women love what they cannot have. Good luck.

Marian Basescu 18 months ago

Hey man, sorry for leaving so many comments, I know is not good, but you seem to be a very kind person and you like to help (and I am thinking so much about her). If you want to reply to my comments please reply to this one after reading the long one I posted below... This happened before I potentially creped her out and said “no”. I need to specify some more stuff which I read in other places and I believe they are applicable to me. For instance, when in conversations with other people she used to give glances at me even when others were speaking. I could also see her chest increasing in size as she was probably breathing hard (I was breathing hard, so I assume she was breathing hard based on the chest). It happened both to be at this party and when we were passing by we were both looking at each other (from distance as well). She was talking to a friend on the hallway next to toilets, and when I was heading to the toilet she looked at me, when close to her she said hi, and I just nodded. At the end of the hallway there's this window which shows reflections, so I could see her staring towards my direction in that reflection. I went in the toilet and when washing hands, another guy opened the door and as a stalker I looked through the crack next to the hinges at her (she luckily couldn't see me, but when the door opened she instantly looked towards the toilet door). I went out 1 minute later, she looked at me straight away (distance roughly 4 metres), and when next to her she smiled, and I nodded again. I passed by her and I could see her looking towards my direction in the other window’s reflection (so I assume that she looked at me, as she done before). I just read this sign which says that “she breaks away from the crowd to give you a chance to talk to her”. Could be applicable as she then sat by herself at the bar and I was sitting by myself on a couch looking at her. She sat there by herself for like 2 minutes and kept looking at me (I was too shy to talk to her, but could I assume she wanted me to go and talk to her? She is very sociable, always likes to spend time with her friends, all her friends were at the party but she just sat there by herself :/). She was with her friends again and I asked my friend to tell me if she looks at me, and told him to be realistic, he was around me so it was easy for him to see if she looks. He said she looked at me for like 3 times, once for 4 seconds (during that time she once looked at me, then looked away, then looked again). Once she passed by me I was on the phone, didn’t see her, but when I raised my eyes I could see her head was turned around and looked at me with a smile, I looked at her and waived my hand (like I was flipping Kim Il-sen) in a matter of saying hi, she didn’t do anything but she looked in the ground, and then looked at me again (still smiling), and then she left. There is that "instinct" which somebody has when they know somebody likes them. I looked at other girls before so they knew I like them after a while (as I was looking at them) so because they were not interested, the moment they saw me looking at them they were looking in another direction in a casual way. But we just keep looking at each other (I know for sure she looks more than me, because I looked with the corner of my eye at her). However, when situation is we happen to face each other we just give glances, but we never look for long. It happened once that I was by myself talking on the phone on a bench and she was 3 metres away from me with her friends, she only looked once (shiny eyes, shy smile when glancing at me) but then kept talking to friends. She didn’t look after, it was only me who looked sometimes (or maybe we were not looking in the same times), but I could see that when her friends were talking she was looking in vain, breathing hard and the mouth was a bit open as if she needed much air. She then left, I obviously looked at her and I could see her walking changed (she knew she was in my line of sight). I benchmarked her against my behaviour when around her (which sometimes seems to be the same), and my walking also changed once when she was behind me and I knew I was in her line of sight. When somebody is shy their walk changes when they are face to face, but not after they pass someone and they know that someone sees them, I know for sure. She was behind me once sitting down, I wasn’t looking at her but I had the tendency to look to my right. In a lecture she was in front of me and she always had the tendency to look to her left, so I could feel she done that because she knew I was behind her. Another time I was in the library with some friends, I randomly spot her staring at me, when she noticed I saw her staring she just put her hand on her eyes, as she pretended she needed to scratch her eyes, she then seemed to be really embarrassed, turned red, and was looking down (if she wouldn’t like me I assume she wouldn’t stare so much, as this was not the single time). As well as this, once when in library she came with her friends, she was 3 metres away but when she saw me she said “hi” (and I talked to her three times x 2 minutes each time by then). She stayed around and she seemed to be really happy while giving glances at me, and her two friends (girls) were staring and smiling so much at me (this happened after I asked her out for coffee for the first time). A lot of guys chase her, and she seems to be a bit arrogant as she doesn’t pay attention to people she talked once or twice, and I assume she and her friends wouldn’t be so bothered to look at someone unless they mean more than just a friend to her. I know it sounds mad, but I just feel she likes me and my friends feel it as well, and not because I talk about it but because they’ve seen it as well. Once when in library I was looking randomly. I’m really sorry for this huge message again, but you seem to be very good with these issues, so I need your assistance as well. Thank you so much, you earned my respect and I really like the way you help people-in-need here.

Marian Basescu 19 months ago

Really sorry for the horrible grammar in that long comment Jay, don't know what happened... Wrote it on my phone initially really fast and since it didn't post I have copied, edited and posted it on PC. Let me know if you want me to clarify some things. All the best,

Alex8711 19 months ago

Ok Jay, nevermind my two last comments, cause guess what!! I've got myself a date. Thanks a lot for your help! You really helped me gain the courage, to ask her out! We had a little "conversation" on facebook, and we found out, that we have quite a few things in common.

So thank you so so so much, I'm glad i found this hubpage!

Marian Basescu 19 months ago

Hello, I left a comment before and was not published (probably because of the link). I would like to republish my updated comment, and I am really sorry for any mistakes I’ve done. So, I really need your assistance and I hope you can reply with some help/advice. My situation is a bit complicated. There's this girl in my university which I noticed she does some signs presented on this page (and your other page, which I can’t provide here, examples include: she is flirty in general but not herself when with me, always looks at me, etc.) However, not all signs because we are still not very close.. But anyway, I'll get on starting with my story :). I noticed in last November when heading home that this girl looks at me in a very intense way, and at the time I didn't thought about it but I remember I found it very odd. The following week I was in the uni library with my friends, she was three metres away with her mates (girls) and she was looking at me for minutes with a big smile on her face. Didn't see her after that until second university term after Christmas but at the times when I was seeing her I could notice she looks at me in the same intense but a rather sad-ish way (the looks where more than 3 seconds). This happened multiple times, and every time after seeing this I was turning my sight in another direction and was heading to do the stuff I had to do (I was not interested in her at the time, and I think I done the normal thing someone has when they notice somebody "likes" them but they are not interested?). One time when she was heading my direction and after she noticed me I could see that she started adjusting her bag and clothes, as well as being very shy when I was close to her and noticed her talking to her friends (her face reaction changed).... I know for sure she is not shy in general (as she seems to laugh a lot with many friends, both boys and girls), and I since I didn't feel anything for her there was no possible way for me to give some hints as I wasn't smiling/staring or doing similar things. I need to specify that in the meantime I started to like her (after seeing her doing all these things), and at that point we were both making eye contact even from large distances ( if she wouldn’t care I believe she wouldn't bother looking at me even from that far), and after four weeks of trying to get my courage I got to talk to her through a mutual friend. I asked her for her name, course she studies, etc. She replied and then she asked me back same questions by saying "you?” We both completely forgot about our mutual friend but because I am shy with girls I like there were some awkward moments when none of us was saying anything but we were looking in each other’s eyes and we both had half-smiles on our faces. She then asked me a question, but while doing it her arms where crossed and she was leaning in towards me, and at a certain point her face got quite close to my face... We were again looking in each other’s eyes and at this point she wanted to go but in the same time stay, and since none said anything she just slowly moved while looking at me and then she left... I left as well but on my way I turned to look at her and we made eye contact again, as she turned to look at me... After two weeks (my friends told me not to talk to her in order not to look desperate), I went to talk to her and I could feel she was really nervous, since she was breathing hard (she doesn't have asthma/diseases/cold, I know for sure :D), and after a small talk I left. Four days later I talked to her and asked her for her phone number. She wanted to give it but after she took her phone out she said "but we have Facebook, is same thing" Like an idiot I was chatting on Facebook on my phone with a friend which was telling me what to do (and apparently girls hate when boys are on their phones while talking to them), so I think I annoyed her. One week later I went to her, had the usual chat, we were both nervous and then I said: "would you like to go for a coffee with me", I noticed she got a bit happy as she was giggling, and she said "maybe", I asked her again in Russian (she is russian), and because I'm not Russian (and she knows that), she just replied with a giggle saying: "wow, you learn Russian", I then said "ok, we'll talk on Facebook”. I sent her then some journal papers on Facebook she needed for an essay, and she thanked me. In the meantime I noticed sometimes she was really happy when she was around me, her friends were staring and smiling at me when they were with her (I know other guys which like her and asked her out but her and her friends do not behave like that with them), I asked my friends to look at her behaviour when around me and especially if she makes eye contact, they confirmed it as... In the meantime some guys (friends with her) I became friend with when we were speaking I casually asked them about her they and they told me "she is hot, she knows she is hot, and she like to play really hard to get"... Five days later I went to talk to her again (at this time none was nervous, only for first two seconds), I asked her general stuff, she asked me back, and then I asked her if she wants to go for a coffee with me... she was giggling again and said "maybe".. I got a bit pissed and said: "look, just say yes or no, I either said “I don't like maybes”, or “I'm tired of your maybes” (can’t remember), if you don’t want to come just say no"... she was looking at me for like 3 seconds saying nothing and then I pretended to know Russian and said in Russian “I need to know”. She replied in Russian a long sentence I didn’t understand at all (apart from word “house” which she used 3 times), and then I asked her to say what she said in English and she was shrugging her head and said "no”. I then said “ok thank you” and I left... Had a big depression for like 2h and during those 2h my friends were talking to me and telling me that I pissed her off maybe and made me remember what her friends told me that she likes to play hard to get.. I saw her 2-3h later as we was passing me and with the corner of my eye I could see she facing my direction, I looked at her and I could see her looking and smiling at me in a very interesting way (I’m sure she looked at me for the duration of her pass). I was studying in the library four days later by the entrance (there was a study table there), and for some reason she was passing by so many times, and every time she made eye contact with me (once she turned her head when she passed by and looked at me), then went out stayed outside for 1 second and went back in. There is a possibility that she might have been looking for a friend but that’s not always the case as she is always on her phone, so I assume she can contact her friends there. Two hours later I was with a friend who was smoking by the entrance, she came out of library while looking at me (we were 3 metres away), she came closer and I nodded in a matter of saying “hi”, she still kept looking at me but when next to us she looked at my friend and said “hi” (she knows him). A friend told me that she does these things as she wants attention. I would honestly move on since she said “no” at the time, but thing is she does all these things (staring, adjusting clothes, etc.) and if there would be something else (e.g. find my face funny) I think she would have stopped doing them long time ago, but already 13 university term weeks passed. Need to mention that when I done Instagram (about 5 weeks ago) she was the first person to follow me after following all of my facebook list, but she never likes any of my pictures (never gave her a reason for her not to like pictures). She has friends which asked her out and they always chase her, but she does like their pictures. Now, what should I do, would you think she is interested in me? If yes, what should I do now? If you need more information tell me and I will tell you (she does other similar things when around me). Thank you.

Marian Basescu 19 months ago


Alex8711 19 months ago

Dang it, my spelling is messed up xD. I hope you understand my typos.

I thought I'd add some extra information.

When I text her on facebook she usually sends a heart or a kissing smiley or even both. I'm not sure if this means anything or if she just really values me in her life

Alex8711 19 months ago

Ok I asked her what the reason was Jay, and I really should have been able to predict it in the first place, but she said that we didn't really know each other very well, does this actually give me another shot? Should I invite her to come watch a movie in the cinema with me? Or should I just leave it, and have casual concersations with her, to get to know her?

Marian Basescu 19 months ago

Hi there, first of all I'd like to thank you for providig the chance of asking this question, I really need your assistance and I hope you can reply as soon as possible with some help/advice. I got to this page by clicking on a hyperlink somewhere on the the following URL page: I know you said it is prohibited to have HTMLs in the comments but I'd like you to know that I am referring to the signs on that respective page (which I believe where written by you?). My situation is a bit complicated (sorry about this).. There's this girl in my university which I noticed she does some signs presented on this page and on the other page I provided here... However, not all of them because I we are still not very close.. but anyway.. I'll get on starting with my story :).. I noticed when I was going home (and she passing by me) that she looks at me in a very intense way, and at the time I didn't thought about it but I remember I found it very odd.. (this happened last November).. The following week I was in the library with my friends, she was three metres away with her mates and she was looking at me for minutes with a big smile on her face (it was a shyish one I believe). Didn't see her until second university term after Christmas but at the times when I was seeing her I could notice she looks at me in the same intense but a rather sad-ish way (the looks where more than 3 seconds). This happened multiple times, and every time after seeing this I was turning my sight in another direction and was heading to do the stuff I had to do (I was not interested in her at the time, and I think I had the normal feeling someone has when they notice somebody "likes" them but they are not interested?). When she was coming my direction and noticed me I could see that the moment she noticed me she started adjusting her bag and clothes, as well as being very shy when I was close to her and noticed her talking to her friends.... I know for sure she is not shy in general (as she seems to laugh a lot with many friends, both boys and girls), and I since I didn't feel anything for her there was no possible way for me to give some hints as I wasn't smiling/staring or doing similar things. I need to specify that in the meantime I started to like her, and now we were both making eye contact even from large distances( if she wouln't care I believe she wouldn't bother looking at me even from that far), and after four weeks of trying to make my courage I got to talk to her through a mutual friend. I asked her what's your name, what do you study, etc. She replied and then she asked me back same questions by saying "you?". T

We both completely forgot about our mutual friend but because I am shy as well with girls I like there were some awkward moments when none of us was saying anything but we were looking in each others eyes and we both had half-smiles on our faces. She then asked me a question, but while doing it her arms where crossed and she was leaning in towards me, and at a certain point her face got quite close to my face... We were again looking in each others' eyes and at this point she wanted to go but in the same time stay, and since none said anything she just slowly moved while looking at me and then she left... I left as well but on my way I turned to look at her and we made eye contact... After two weeks (my friends told me not to talk to her in order not to look desperate), I went to talk to her and I could feel she was really nervous, since she was breathing hard (she doesn't have asthma/diseases/cold, I know :D), and after a small talk I left. Four days later I talked to her and asked her for her phone number. She wanted to give it but after she took her phone out she said "but we have facebook, is same thing" Like an idiot I was chatting on facebook on my phone with a friend which was telling me what to do (and apparently girls hate when boys are on their phones while talking to them), so I think I annoyed her. One week later I went to her, had the usual chat, we were both nervous and then I said: "would you like to go for a coffee with me", I noticed she got a bit happy as she was giggling, and she said "maybe", I asked her again in russian (she is from russia), and because I'm not russian (and she knows that), she just replied with a giggle saying: "wow, you learn russian", I then said "ok, we'll talk on facebook). I sent her then some journal papers on facebook she needed for an essay, and she thanked me. In the meantime I noticed she was really happy when she was around me, her friends were staring and smilin at me when they were with her (I know other guys which like her and asked her out but her and her friends do not behave like that with them), I asked my friends to look at her behaviour when around me and especially if she makes eye contact, they confirmed it as well and they said is quite intense... In the meantime some guys (friends with her) I became friend with when me casually asking them about her they tolde "she is hot, she knows she is hot, and she like to play really hard to get"... Five days later I went to talk to her again (at this time none was nervous, only for first two seconds), I asked her general stuff, she as well, and then I asked her if she wants to go for a coffee with me... she was giggling again and said "maybe".. I got a bit pissed and said: "look, just say yes or no, I don't like maybes, and I'm tired of your maybes, if you don't wanna come just say no"... she was looking at me for like 4 seconds and then was shrugging her head and said "no", I then said ok thank you and I left... Had a big depression for like 2h and during those 2h my friends were talking to me and telling me that I pissed her off maybe and made me remember she likes to play hard to get.. I saw her 2-3h later as we was passing me and with the corner of my eye I could see she faces my direction, I looked at her and I could see her looking and smiling at me in a very interesting way. I decided to ignore her for the time being.. I was studying in the library four daysater by the entrance (there was a study table there), and for some reason she was passing by so many times, and every time she made eye contact with me (once she turned her head when she passed by, when I believe that is men which should do that)... 1h latee I was with one mutual friend outside library, she comes out and we make lots of eye contact, when she got close I just nodded at her, she still kept looking at mw but then she looked at my friend and said "hi"... after that day we kept making lots of eye contact when we were seeing each other, and things like me "catching" her staring at me and she instantly looking in other directions, or when I was not looking at her but my friend did in order to see if she does look, and he told me she does look a lot,etc. My friends told me that she does these things in order to make me think of her, and they also noticed these glances and looks. Need to mention she does not have a boyfried. Now, if I would ignore these things (which should normally be kept to myself, but since these happen a lot I need to talk about them as they are relevant), I should take that "no" and move on, but I feel she has something for me because I noticed these things happening quite a lot (I forgot one thing, I was in a place and I didn't know she is there, I look around and I randomly see her staring at me, when she noticed I caught her she just put her fingers in the eyes pretending to scratch her eyes, after which she had a very embarrasing face). There are many other similar things happened, but there would be no point mentioning as I believe these are enough. I would like to know if you think she likes me? or if there is any hope left? I believe that if there would be something else she wouldn'stare at me for 13 weeks (I noticed she stared at me 13 university weeks ago).. Thank you so much, sorry for the huge amount of info but I am quite stressed, and sorry for the horrible grammar but I am really tired and I'm typing fast on my smartphone. Thanks, have a good Saturday

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 19 months ago from England Author

@greeny. Hi there.. no do not ask a woman out again, the ball is in her court.. let her come to you. It does sound like there is potential there but perhaps you moved too soon.. or perhaps she is not ready for a relationship. That is what i get from her maybe comment. Laughing at your comments and touching you a lot is often the most important signals of interest/attraction.

soul noir 19 months ago

There is this girl from Walmart that works with me and she started the first conversation with me and invited me to sit with her at lunch so I've known her for only a few day's and I asked for her number on Facebook and we texted and then a couple day's later I asked her what she liked about me ..... and she said Idk. I hate so much I asked her that now I bet she has lost total interest :(

Alex8711 19 months ago

So Jay, I've now asked her and she said that she didn't like like me, but that she thought that i was nice. This is very sad to me, because I was so sure that what u were telling me was true... Well not everyone is the same

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 19 months ago from England Author

@D. I think there is chance she may be into you.. her eyes following you indicate she places a lot of importance on you, i would ask what the others think regarding her liking you, they may have a good idea of whether she is into you or. Generally if someone likes you they will look at you a lot and she does sound kinda protective of you in a good way i.e looking out for you.. that can be a sign of attraction as well as deep caring. Making faces will depend on the faces being made, if they are made by nervousness or by self conscious behavior then she might behave abnormally/weird around you because she does in fact like you, many people don't act normal around their love interests and crushes. I would see if there are any other signals first.. but i think there is a chance she's into you. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 19 months ago from England Author

@JJ. Hey there, that sounds like self conscious behavior, she realizes you are there, sees you coming then behaves nervously and makes sure she looks her best.. a lot of gals will do this when a guy they find attractive approaches or is within her vicinity and she notices him, people tend to notice their crushes or love interests more than everyone else so there is a good chance any movement changes she makes as you appear as because shes nervous and because she wants to appear her best when you are around. I think she is into you, of course buying something for your dog may just be friendliness and kindness but i would say that applies if she has her own dog and loves dogs.. the likelyhood is that she notices your dog means a lot to you and kinda wants to make a good impression on you. I'd give it a bit more time to see if there are other signs but personally i think there is a good chance shes into you. Good luck

D3an 19 months ago

Hi Jay so its been awhile ey i have just been single for awhile now and was not even scouting you could say and i was just at the licensing department with a group and there was this girl she completely enetered my mind i can't forget her we have been talking over the phone now for a week can please have advice on how not to stuff up and really get this girl interested in me And not push her away and yet to be quite flirty ?

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 19 months ago from England Author

@Alex8711. Having read more and more comments about this girl im convinced she digs you for sure.. I think the friends tease you because they know your into each other.. or at least they know one of you likes the other person, it only makes total sense :) not to mention that's how female friends usually behave when they have a female friend who likes a guy. Her friends are asking who you are into because they know shes into you.. or they believe you might like her.. i believe its the former. But like i said i think this girl totally has the hots for you and you should go for it. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 19 months ago from England Author

@StahlTactics. Hey there. Well for her to be looking at you she must think something is interesting about your look.. The smiling is probably the give away.. especially if she smiled nervously or like she was super happy to see you. However everything sounded good until you asked for the number.. to me it sounds like you didn't give enough "build up" time.. shes doesn't know you well enough to give you her number.. and that there is a likelyhood that she had figured your into her which might have destroyed some of the mystery. I think there is potential here.. but you just need to slow down.. give it some time. Build her interest slowly rather than going straight for the number.. give her a reason to trust you first and then likely she will give you her number at a later date.. i would however not ask her again since she has already in a way rejected you. I believe if she is interested she will do something a bit more obvious.. but there is potential here no doubt and i think a very good chance shes into you but just hasn't got enough connection with you yet. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 19 months ago from England Author

@arunnaik. Hi again! C'mon isn't it obvious why she is doing this? She is saying you will find a better gal because that is what she wants for you, she doesn't want to be with you. I think she feels sorry for you, she feels guilty for probably turning you down or whatever so she tries to keep in touch and just be friends with you.. she is not being a b*tch, the only reason you are saying this is because she is not giving you what you want.. she is either not attracted or she is not allowed to date right now.

You must accept this bro, you must take it on the chin and get on with life.. it is up to you whether you choose to keep this as friendship only or not.. But being friends usually keeps you in a hopeful bubble because you are constantly seeking more from her. By remaining close friends with her you will remain in pain and hope that she changes her mind.. this is not good. The not being allowed on the phone made me think she might just be making up excuses to not talk to you..

It is good you took on less conversation, but i would slowly back away until you feel fine with moving on.. What happens is that when you cut contact and start to back away she will start coming to you.. yes you did this but you are still asking her where you stand with her, this is needy, the point is to stop seeking a relationship with her so she seeks one with you!.. stop caring about whether you can get a relationship from her.. if she changes her mind it wont be because you kept asking her. Once you are over her you will feel less bothered about being with her.. that will work for you regardless of what happens. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 19 months ago from England Author

@Matthew. So this girl has broken the ice with you a bit and trying to get closer to you.. Well if your being entirely honest and she could ask others the same questions then there is definitely something about you she values.. although it could also be that she sees you as someone worth getting to know or perhaps she is scared of asking others? Either way she has a boyfriend so she is unavailable.. its hard to say if she is into you or not.. but if she is then she is not being fair on you or her current bf, in fact she is playing the field a bit.. i would advise not to get mixed up in that.

Personally i think there is a chance she is into you (50% chance).. but i think that you should lay off.. she is taken, she is not single.. until she is single you should not make any moves. Regardless i would limit your time with her.. if she wants to spend more time with you then she will take the idea of breaking up with her current guy more seriously, if you spend all this time with her while she has a bf she wont respect the time your giving her. Always remember.. if a gal wants you more than her bf then she would have already broken up with him and left him. Focus your energy on single women.. Good luck

Old Guy 19 months ago

It's quite interesting reading the "does she like me \ love me" websites. I've probably read most; from 4 signs to 30 signs each very similar. Word of caution for those being sucked in. I worked with a very pretty, witty, humorous and intelligent 30 year old petite blue eyed blond. She could easily model. She began coming to my office mornings to talk about most everything. She always dressed professionally but from time to time would go beyond always making sure I noticed. While in my presence, the hair play, preening, facing me, looking away, blushing, eye lock, sticking up for me, paying more attention to my friends, sharing personal information, touching, etc, etc. I now work from home and she moved on to another company. She texts me all of the time, always asks about my life, lets me know that she's still single with no current love interests, talks to her family like I'm part of it and when I'm in town, (my home is across the state from my office) we go out and have dinner or drinks. Here's the deal. I'm 63 and married. Married for nearly 40 years with 2 daughters each older than this young lady. I have been an encouraging mentor to her. That is all. I assurebthe readers that she has no romantic interest in me yet the "signs of like and love" would tell a different story. Be careful what you read and believe.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@Ron. Sorry to say this.. but i think she just sees you as a friend.. perhaps she is just a very caring friend.. and that caring you feel from her is making you think something MORE is there.. i think you should begin moving on mentally and emotionally.. i think if something was going to happen she would have been more forward and something would have happened by now.. the whole "were just friends" is something that should be taken as what it means.. she knows where you are if she wants a chance with you..

In the mean time i would suggest taking an interest in other women or letting them come to you if they want you.. i think you have become so into this woman that you are reading too much into what she does.. don't get me wrong she is a nice person and some of the things do suggest interest but if you have asked her out and she says she is ok with being friends then you have your answer. I wish you luck in the future, be sure to come back if you need more help and advice. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@Pay day macy. Staring at you a bit could be a sign.. leaning her breast on you is often a sign.. or she is just teasing you.. you need to work out if the leaning her breast on you was done purposely or accidentally.. if purposely shes probably into you.. or she likes playing with your head. I do have to say though that all the touching she is giving you does indicate interest unless she is a touchy feely person by nature, laughing at your jokes is also a good sign especially if the jokes arent really that funny. There is a possiblity that she is in fact bisexual..

I have seen and met many women who are at first lesbian but then become bisexual... she might be one of those types.. and it sounds like she is attracted to males.. whatever you are doing keep doing it because it is working for you and attracting her to you. I would say 90% of the time a woman does this shes into you.. the other 10% of the time its just a tease or someone who is motherly and caring.. my thoughts though are that she is into you..

To put it simply, get her number, see if she wants to hang out sometime.. don't ask her on a date.. just create a moment where the two of you can hang out.. im not sure of your ages but she sounds forward enough and not really shy so it might be she makes a more forward move on you at some point.. go with the flow, take little steps.. its common to hear that "she treats me like her boyfriend" because i generally get that feeling as well when women show interest in me..

Keep being respectful, don't show off or be silly.. just keep being who you are.. im sure shes into you.. if not then shes the biggest tease of all time. She is probably one of those women who likes guys who are really authentic, respectful and can be trusted.. and can take care of themselves. I am interested to know how this turns out, most of her communication is probably done through touch which is a reflection of either attraction or trust (or both). It might be eating her up in a good way that your the only guy not hitting on her. Good luck

Elel 20 months ago

Hi, what is your opinion of this situation? I met a girl from a college near mine and she offered to help me with something, and when I asked to exchange contact info and asked whether facebook, email, or phone would be better, she gave her phone number though I never explicitly asked for it. But that could just be a preference.

She also talked to me often (more than with other people in my class (my college was having some joint program with the nearby college)). She asked me a lot of questions and asked me for some advice once.

We didn't meet after that semester, but she sent a happy new year's message and said she thought I was a cool person.

Sometimes she would start message conversations, but she doesn't do that as much anymore ever since I started a few conversations. But she always asks questions to keep the conversation going for a while (or at least much longer than the concise, straight to the point, conversations I'm used to with most people). Now her not starting conversations may be evidence of diminished interest or it may be an expectation for me to start more conversations.

I also notice she has many friends on FB and posts often, evidence of a gregarious personality. So I can't say for sure whether she likes me or is just being her social self. It's like there's a court trial in my head going on trying to determine whether there's enough evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, but I'm not a legal scholar.

What should be done? I didn't have feelings for her at the start, but she's grown on me a bit. I'd like to either give a relationship with her a try or cut off my emotions now lest it cause me trouble.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@Alex8711. Hi there alex, this girl that approached you asking for your last name and what you do in your free time does sound like a girl that likes you.. when you really think about why she would ask your last name then she has already made it known that she values you in her life otherwise she would not ask you that question, back in the day when i was much younger that girls usually asked for your second name because they infatuated with your second name. This is the only reason a girl like herself would ask you that kind of stuff.

She is showing a sure interest in your life because she wants to be part of it... and i think this could blossom (if it hasn't already). I am 100% she is into you from what you said, the teasing also shows this, as too does the going red in the cheeks, a sure sign she is self conscious and embarrassed. The icing on the cake was the look she gave you.. shes wanting you to know shes checking you out and that she is yours.. I know this comment from you was 2 months ago but i hope you either made a move.. but who knows, perhaps she made a move on you? :) Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@Ron. Chatting non stop 3 hours instead of working, touching her with your legs and bumping you, hands on shoulders are all good signs. However not texting you when she could be the sign she is not interested.. of course it could just be shes shy, has nothing much to say or she is not interested enough yet. She sounds like a good person who really cares for you.. i have a feeling in this case she is just being friendly or was interested and lost it at some point. I think that if she were with you she would text you more and spend as much time alone with you as possible even if that excuse is studying together.. its hard to say, i have a feeling she is just the flirty type but keep an eye out, things may change in the future. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@arunnaik. No problem mate.. i see you commented some time after this and i will eventually get around to your comment.. its true sometimes moving on is the right and only choice.. it can be painful.. but as one man famously said: if your going through hell right now, keep going, it will soon pass.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@jjcoolest3. Hi there buddy. She is not interested or rather she was not interested a year ago when you made it clear you wanted more from her so why did you think anything has changed? Don't be the guy who keeps trying... All i can see here is that you keep trying to get closer and to be with her and she doesn't seem to be reciprocating.. once you are rejected the first time it is time to let it go and get over her, since once you do it changes your whole approach and mindset when around her.. That is a good thing.. if there is any potential of her liking you it will be more obvious once you start to get over her and completely move on. Any obsession will only makes thing worse..

To get her off your mind is simple, you simply stop thinking about her and hanging out with her as much.. find things in life to distract yourself from thinking about her, not necessarily another woman, just find new hobbies and things to do and distract yourself. The issue here is that you are so lost in how you feel about her that you ignore how she feels about you.. you must accept she does not like you, quicker the better. I see this is paining you.. the pain will only be more the more you hang out with her so by liming your time with her you will begin to feel better, eventually you may even decide to cut her friendship off altogether. Once you start moving on things in your life start to change for the better.

*There is a good book on this topic called "The Men's Guide to Avoiding Friend Zone with Women: 12 Simple Tips", if you can afford it then get it for sure... sometimes being friends is simply not reversible, with her it might be.. but i couldn't tell you for certain.. however sometimes a man can turn it around if he does the right things. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@SAQIB6608. Thanks for the comment! I appreciate the feedback.

@chaitanyasaivb. That's right.. the eyes are the windows to the soul, no doubt about it. Unfortunately with inexperience people find it hard to read the other person including their interest level.. but as gain more life experience and more social experience we start to learn from our experiences.. i believe that if you cannot read a woman's interest level then you should either go for it anyway.. or simply make small moves on her without going too far.. always see how she responds to your increased interest and look at how women behave around men they like.. once guys see how women behave around guys they like then they have an idea of what to look out for as well.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@Marshmellow. Most times when a woman doesn't suggest an alternative she probably either isn't interested or just didn't think to arrange it there and then. To me it sounds like she just sees you as a friend (a good friend) or she was interested and lost interest over a period of time.. the fact she spent all that time and focus on her friends when walking past insists one of two things: she was annoyed at you for something or she doesn't like you. Personally i feel it was the latter unfortunately.. there are many times where the woman is shocked when she finds out you finally like her and this weirds her out a bit.. that doesn't mean you are weird though, of course.

My guess is that you want more from her and she just sees you as a good friend, it is no good if she messages back quickly if your not actually going anywhere or if she is not inviting you to hang out with her alone.. don't read too much into what she is doing.. do i think you could turn this around? That's a possibility, there may be a chance that if she did like you at some point if you back off a bit and let her come to you more she might see you in a different light. But if you two have not ended up any closer after all this time then you know what i am going to say. You will only get better at reading emotions and women the more you expose yourself to social situations. I wish you luck

Marlon johnson 20 months ago

@JayRando Hi alright here I go with this. There's this woman I am really starting to have feelings for right. I've already told her I'm pretty much interested in her but there seems to be something lacking. Not too mention that I work with her and see her all the time. It just seems that anytime we're around each other we can't be ourselves. I know that I get nervous when I'm around and so does she because the way she acts around her friends is very much different the way she acts around me. She seems to be nice around everyone else but when she's around me it's as if she is nervous of some sort. She can't seem to look me in my eyes anytime I try to make eye contact. Another thing she does is crack corny jokes around me which are not funny at all but I always laugh because I'm so into her. She once told me in a joking way that she gets confused on what's a mirror and what's a window. I also catch her sometimes looking at me in the corner of my eye but when I look back she quickly turns away. I used to text her but every now and then but my last text she didn't respond so it's been like a month since I texted her. I once asked her if she wanted come over and chill with me but she simply said it's too early and I was understanding on her position. She smiles at me all the time but when it's just me and her it's like her whole attitude changes and i feel as if I've done something wrong. I've never felt like this toward any woman which is why I seem to get so nervous around her but I honestly love the nervousness because it just makes me that much more intrigued with her. Also when around a crowd of people she'll talk to everyone and then after conversating with them she'll come and talk to me. Idk if that means anything it's just something I noticed. I just would love to get your insight on what to do in this situation cause I'm in need of some guidance because like I said I'm very intrigued with this woman. Thank you.

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@callumx123. Hi there. Buzzing eh!? I used to use the word buzzing in high school man years ago ,its interesting that people still use it today. I do not doubt this girl is into you, she seems very into you, shes walked past past you probably trying to get your attention, smiling at you and accepted your offer to walk her home, laughing at things you say; generally all good signs. Personally i think there is a good chance shes into you.. i cannot tell you 100% but i would say 75% yes. When you said HE was an idiot are you referring to an ex boyfriend she had? Personally i think shes probably looking for a new boyfriend but take things slowly and see if she gives you anymore signs, if your confident shes into you go for it. Good luck

Jay Rando profile image

Jay Rando 20 months ago from England Author

@Obsa-boy. There is potential here definitely.. I think your friend has good intentions but inviting her back to your apartment for a movie may be too soon and ca sometimes scare women off.. for the ladies it is a big jump to hang out at guys house if they just met him.. however i think this also depends on the type of gal she is and how old the two of you are, if you are both under the age of 18 for example then a movie date at your house might not be the answer, if you are under 18 i would vouch for the cinema/picture house instead. Women know that being over at your house generally means intimate things will happen and she might not be ready for that.. however that is just my opinion. I personally think this gal is into you though no doubt so i hope things turned out well and things are still going well. As a piece of advice on the side, take things slowly, i say that in response to you being a tad eager, let her come to you more, she will if shes into you :) Good luck

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