One theme that I notice often is that people love to play victim when it comes to relationships. They're so quick to point out the fact that they're such a good person with a good heart who has been wronged by evil ex's of the past blah blah blah and scene. That's including friendships! It's the same old story that I don't buy into one bit. Nobody is "perfect" and that cry baby statement takes away your power to find or attract what you would consider to be a good partner/mate. I'm laying out a few tips that I've come to appreciate and recognize on my personal journey, see if they help you in any way.
1. Figure Out What a Good Man or Woman Is
I find it utterly (yes, I used the word utterly, ha) hilarious that someone will holler, scream and kick about not finding a good person but when you ask them what does that look and feel like to them, what does a good man or woman embody and they won't be able to answer that question. I call that unconscious searching. How can you truly know if you've come across this person If you don't even know what youre looking for? lol If you don't know, start by asking those questions. "What is a good man?""Am I a good woman?" What does that mean?" And trust you will get your answers. Many people only look for the surface level definitions of what this means without ever going deeper within themselves to find their own answers. I don't even like to focus on labels because I feel like they can be limiting but when I say good, I'm leaving that open for self interpretation. Basically, leaving that up to you to define what a good man/woman is to YOU. Everybody will be different. You gotta figure out what works for you on a real level. You can look at real life examples:(parents, your own relationships, whoever you saw growing up etc) and you can evaluate what they did that you liked and what they did that you did not like. This can be a marker for you as to what to look for.
2. Once You Figure That Out: EMBODY IT
i.e. Work on yourself. So, this may require you to take some time to yourself which should be priority number one. Write the shit down, see if those are the things that you are actually living/embodying and if you're not then you've figured out part of the reason why you haven't come across this person. You're not on the same level. This is not to say you're worse or they're better this is just to say you cannot perceive what your mind/frequency is not in tune with. That's science. Be real with yourself, work on you first, and your standards will also rise, naturally. A buster (that's including both genders) cannot survive around a woman/man that truly loves themselves. It takes a real one to keep up with a person like that. A person that is working on themselves on all levels: mentally, spiritually, physically. They'll either level up or dissipate. When you do come across this type of person you will know because you will be familiar with this energy already because you're an example of it. Treat yourself how you would expect someone else to treat you. One of the first things that could be beneficial is to let go of the stigmas that come with being single and even relationships. If you're looking for someone else to complete you, reevaluate that. Personally, I began asking questions like what does it take to maintain a healthy relationship ? I communicated with my papa (who has transitioned) and asked him questions about good men and relationships. After I began asking questions I started receiving and coming across valuable information for like a month straight. I had a real life experience with someone that showed me what a healthy relationship is supposed to feel/be like. That experience among other things has helped me immensely in recognizing this.
3. Give Yourself Space
Experience has made me a firm believer in the importance of giving self space in between relationships. If you're so quick to hop from one person to the next, and you're crying about those that you attract then you're definitely the problem. You haven't given yourself any space to release old energies so the new can come in. You're allowing yourself to be stuck in a cycle of mess that you created. Take responsibility for the choices you make.When you allow that time of reflection you will be able to observe your relationship patterns and habits and why you attract certain people and what needs to be done within you to change it. & when you give yourself space, learn how to genuinely enjoy your own company without the need for someone to be there to entertain you. How can you expect someone else to want to be around you if you don't even like to be around you?
4. Lastly: RELAX
I promise most of the reason people can't find what they're looking for is because they're looking too damn hard. Maybe date a little, you don't have to rush into sex or trying to tie somebody down. just Learn how to enjoy their company & be someone's friend before demanding so much from them. From my experience it's so relieving. That made me aware of the social conditioning in regards to how people are expected to interact in relationships. Get to know them on a real level and see them for who they truly are, not what you want them to be. Allow people to unfold. They always show you who they are if you pay attention and observe. Many people are too busy being caught up in these romanticized fantasy images of people rather than actually seeing them for who they are. They didn't change, you just chose to not see them. Breathe. if you feel and know you're a good man/woman then you should know that there is a bunch of them out there. When you do those steps above you're going to attract more of them and when you do, don't be so quick to want to make them yours. All good men/women aren't meant to be your partner but you will have the quality in your immediate experience so that will show you "hey they do exist".A lot of the times people may have a hard time getting what they want because they feel like it's not obtainable or that they don't deserve it. They'll believe this on a subconscious level but won't admit it consciously. Your beliefs are a major part of your reality. You gotta be confident and know that it can happen for you. If you can't bring yourself to know that then you just have more internal work to do and that's okay.
One thing I've realized is that relationships should be called reflectionships, because people show you who you are.
Iman B. (@sadiedivine).
© 2017 ImanBrewton
MB on August 24, 2017:
"Many people are too busy being caught up in these romanticized fantasy images of people rather than actually seeing them for who they are. They didn't change, you just chose to not see them."
you better come through with the hard ass truth. Keep it up sis!
ImanBrewton (author) from Fl on August 12, 2017:
why do you have a crush on him?
tlotlo on August 12, 2017:
i have a crush on my best friend's boy friend what should I do?