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How to Text Your Boyfriend

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

Texting isn't as complicated as you might think.

Texting isn't as complicated as you might think.

What to Talk About With Your Boyfriend Over Text

So you’ve finally scored a boyfriend, congrats to you! Okay, maybe you’ve had one for a while, or you are just looking for tips on how to get one. The following article is a guide on what to text and what not to text your boyfriend.

Remember, texting isn’t the only way to communicate or flirt. Look out for boyfriends who present red flags over texting.

Texting Red Flags

  • They only want pictures of you.
  • He gives one-word responses to you but sends longer texts to others.
  • Sends you way too many texts.
  • They drunk text you frequently.
  • Refuses to talk on the phone or meet in person
  • They have more than one cellphone.
  • He never initiates spending time with you.
  • Ignores a good percentage of your messages.
  • Only wants you for a booty call.
  • Uses their cellphone as a remote to make you do things for them.
  • Harasses/sends you angry messages.
  • Sends incoherent messages that don’t make sense to you.
Don't over text! Save some conversation for in person.

Don't over text! Save some conversation for in person.

Tips and Things to Text Your Boyfriend

  • Be careful not to over text your boyfriend. Ask or, with stealth, figure out his schedule and when is the best time to communicate/flirt. He might not be able to text at work. Try to catch him when he isn’t busy. If you want to flirt or chat a bit and can’t actually talk on the phone, texting is an excellent option.
  • By the way, you should talk on the phone. It may be awkward after years of not talking on the phone, but it will help you build a bond. We are more drawn to voices than electronic signals with letters.
  • Once you have gotten into the swing of the relationship, you might text each other less, which is perfectly fine. You’ll start to see each other more in person, unless you’re in a long distance relationship.
  • Do not only text for practical matters. You want texting to be something to look forward to, not the chore command center that it can become.
  • Do not tell very personal information or highly emotional information through text. Texting isn’t for novels; share important details in person. Texting should be for casual information, not breakups, the death of family members, and marriage proposals.
  • Be encouraging. Give compliments. Make jokes. You want POSITIVE interactions, not negative ones.
  • Use general conversation openers: How are you? Did you sleep well this morning? How was work? How has school been?
  • Do text inside jokes. I suggest that you keep a file of things to send your boyfriend when he is feeling down. Save links and videos to things that you know resonate with your partner. Save things like this for a rainy day. Keep an organized place where you can write down gift ideas and things he may like such as movies, concerts, and date ideas.
  • If he is sick, text him if you can come over and help him feel better.
  • After a long texting chat, say you enjoyed talking with him. Give him a compliment or two. Say goodnight. A long texting chat needs closure.
  • Do not send an onslaught of pictures. If your guy is constantly asking for you to send him pictures, you may want to think twice about this guy.
  • Do not send him something completely off the wall, such as a scrambled message of random letters. There is a right balance between funny and annoying.
  • Do not send him Bible verses… you can save that for in-person if that’s your thing.
Don't text him just because you are bored!

Don't text him just because you are bored!

Texting Tips

  • Do not send him something about your makeup, going dress shopping, or something that would be better to send to one of your best girlfriends.
  • Remember, you want to be cool and attractive. There are plenty of attractive people, but if you’re not cool, you can run flat with people. Try to figure out what his interests are and see where you have common ground. That way, he’ll think you’re cool.
  • Avoid sending negative messages. Do not be a nag with your phone. If there is something you need to address, do it calmly, politely, and in-person… or a letter would be better.
  • If you suddenly feel it would be better to call than talk through text, ask if that would be okay instead of immediately switching gears.
  • Do send pictures of things that are relatable or fun. Pictures, GIFs, and emojis of inside jokes can break the monotony of only sending word responses.
  • Consider his interests. Is he someone who enjoys Shakespeare or skateboarding? Or both? Don’t text randomly about things he could care less about.
  • You are more attractive with an excellent command of spelling and grammar. Avoid complicated sentence structures, such as compound sentences and complex sentences. You are probably getting crazy if you throw in a semi-colon. If you know how to use the em-dash, you could throw it in for kicks and grins since that is slightly more attractive to the eyes, such as making an aside. (If you’re talking to someone who is more of a word nerd, then showcase your prowess with sentence making.)
  • You are not writing academic papers together. You might be, but 99% of you are not.
  • Don’t use texting to complain about random junk. Suck it up. You’re bothering both of you with that.
  • Give affirmations. Let him know what you like. Steer him toward the positive and away from the negative.
  • Plan in advance. If you make a smart schedule and consider your time, then you can figure out the best moment to flirt.
  • After meeting, it is perfectly acceptable to send a funny text message or so. I suggest waiting a while before getting into long back-and-forth text conversations.
  • It is wise to communicate what kind of messages you like and what you don’t. Don’t make it a long laundry list. Some people you run into will have the same rules as you… and things will naturally fall into place.
Type the text out in your notes the night before sending.

Type the text out in your notes the night before sending.

Avoid These Texting Mistakes

  • Do not mention exes, yours or his, through text messaging. Why are you bringing them up? If there is something to be mentioned about exes, it should definitely be in person.
  • Do not copy and paste texts at random to your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Be careful of Hetexted.com
  • All text messages should be intentional, not aloof or accidental.
  • Wait a few days until something cute pops into your head before texting. Write out a list of ideas that you can talk about with him, and put it to the side so you can keep the conversation fresh and juicy.
  • Prewrite texts the night before. Sleep on it. Look at what you wanted to say in the morning. Do you still want to say it? Or no? If not, wait a few hours and then ask yourself why you are being hesitant about sending it. If you can safely say, “This isn’t a damaging message. It doesn’t matter if I send this or not…” Then you can send it.
  • Asking to borrow a book for school: good idea. Asking to do all your homework through texting: horrible idea.
  • Figure out what television shows you have in common.
  • Do not send texts to make a rise in drama. You are bored. Calm down and find something else to do. Guys like girls who have got their act together and are mature. Those are the ones they’ll settle down with and are willing to spend time buying a house with.
  • Have good manners. Know when you need to apologize or say thank you. Don’t skip on the basics.
  • It is definitely okay to occasionally have more than a one-page text, especially if you catch that from him. Do not overdo it though.
  • It is okay to occasionally send more than one text before you get one back… but don’t overdo this.
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Sending him a cute picture isn't the end of the world.

Sending him a cute picture isn't the end of the world.

Tap Into Texting Emotions

  • Texting is emotional telepathy. You have to consider what is their mood, how they might take something, and predict what you can do with it. This is why time of day is everything. Guys are in a lot different of a mood when at work, during the end of work, and before going to bed. What busy things does he have to do? What emotions of his can you pick up on?
  • If you keep having a consistent momentum of texting that seems healthy, it should help you to see his affection for you. Some guys don’t care about texting, but the majority are up to speed on it.
  • What do a lot of men like? Pizza and beer and baked cookies. Do you have any of those things? Can you provide any of those things? If he lives down the street or in the neighborhood, you bet you should make an offering. Especially homemade cookies. Who doesn’t like a text suggesting that baked cookies have been made?
  • A lot of men adore their moms. They like to know that you have some of her best qualities like cleaning and cooking, being funny and reassuring, not taking their crap, knowing a thing or two about laundry, paying bills, being loving, being really cute and weird at times, and checking up on him.
  • Long journey ahead of him? It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “Text me or call me when you get home, so I know you are safe.”
  • Don’t argue unless it’s cute. If you can’t label it cute or attractive… it’s probably annoying. Like “I disagree with your taste in N’Sync, I think Backstreet Boys is a better boy band.” Arguing about things neither of you cares about — good idea. Arguing about things he cares about — a beloved sports team — bad idea.
  • No name-calling, cursing, or fart jokes. Some guys will go for this, but not the majority.

Questions & Answers

Question: What do I say if he replies back to my hey text?

Answer: Anything to your heart's content.

1. You can ask how they are doing.

2. Make a joke!

3. Ask them if they like pizza and would want a slice.

4. Say "hey" back

5. Ask them something you want to know.

© 2014 Andrea Lawrence

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