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Why Is He Into Me So Soon? Learn Some Danger Signs About Dating Men
Everyone wants to know when somebody else likes them. Women are no different. The irony of this situation is that women frequently miss the signs when a guy likes them too much. Rejection is one thing. Some guy stalking you is quite another.
Honestly, most guys aren't stalkers. Attraction isn't going to cause stalking. Still, telling a guy to get lost can be very disheartening. It's kind of like kicking a starving puppy. Fortunately, by reading this article, you can become familiar with the signs. These signs will let you know when a guy likes you too much. That way, you can end it before things become uncomfortable.
1. Your First Date Lasts Too Long
We've all heard from somebody about the first date that took all afternoon. Sure, hiking, dinner, and late-night making out was the most wonderful experience in the history of the universe. Unfortunately, these experiences are few and far between.
What we don't hear much about is the second date. That's the one where the woman realizes she's hanging out with a loser. I'm talking true first dates here. Like the first time you've ever met the guy. Do you really want to hang out all day with somebody you've never met? So what if they sound great on the phone or through email? Have some self-control, right?
Guys who know what they're doing don't let the first date last more than 90 minutes at most. Why? Because they don't want to hang out with somebody they don't know for longer than that. And what if it's going well? Well, maybe you extend it a little, but not more than 30 minutes.
Now, I know there are women reading this who think this is crazy talk. However, please think carefully about it. A guy who just lets a date go on and on is utterly lacking any self-control. He also reeks of desperation. He's thinking to himself that if he just lets the date go on, the woman will like him more. He's terribly wrong. In fact, most women like a guy less and less if he drags things out.
Trust me, ladies. Please! If your date lasts more than a few hours, you're going out with a guy who doesn't understand women. He's lacking in self-control. He's going to exhibit more questionable behaviors very, very soon.
2. He Contacts You Within an Hour of Your First Date
Let's just take the first scenario very quickly. You've just gone out on a three-hour date, which should raise a red flag, but you had a good time, and you're not too worried. Then you're less than an hour out from the date, and you receive a text: "I had a great time. Hope you did too. Let's do it again."
Or worse, the guy actually calls you before you go to bed or something to chat. This screams desperation. It screams clingy. You should be seriously concerned now. Here's a guy that needs so much validation that he can't even wait twenty-four hours to call you. Can you say "needy"? Get ready to go out with a guy so clingy you'll barely be able to breathe.
As an aside, there's a lot of debate about how long a guy should wait to call a girl for a second date. Certainly, an hour isn't enough time. Neither is twenty-four hours. Two to three days is a good rule of thumb. This shows that a guy isn't desperate or needy. It gives a girl the time to develop a little desire and to wonder whether he's going to call back at all, making that eventual call back very satisfying.
Ditch a guy who calls you in an hour. Be concerned with one who calls you back the next day. He's not doing it to be courteous. He's doing it because he needs validation that you'll go out with him again. That spells trouble.
3. He Shows Up at Your House Unannounced
You know, it was a really great scene in Say Anything when John Cusack shows up outside Ione Skye's house holding the boom box over his head. If this is a picture of your life involving some guy you just met, you better run. Better yet, call the cops with a noise disturbance complaint.
Guys who show up unannounced, no matter what the reason, are big trouble. I don't care if he's holding flowers or claiming his car broke down. Sure, you can lay down the law and tell him never to come by unless he calls first, but why bother? This is a guy without common sense or self-control. He's one step short of stalking you. Move on.
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4. He Calls You More Than Once for Every Time You Call Him
There are probably some exceptions to this rule, but keep track. Despite how it might seem, contacting each other via phone really isn't that difficult. He calls you. You answer. You guys talk and make plans. Done.
Where things get sticky is when he calls you and you don't answer and he leaves a message. This is the situation I'm talking about. If he calls you again before you get back to him, that's a sign of trouble. That's a guy with no patience and no confidence that you have not, in fact, been in some terrible accident.
If he calls you twice before you get back to him, it should be pretty clear he's a loser. Three times? He's probably crazy. That's a guy who has got gremlins running around inside his head telling him what to do.
5. He Buys You Stuff for No Reason
Unless he's rich and has nothing better to do with his time, you might as well enjoy it. And if you're a gold digger anyway, don't worry. Still, a guy who just starts buying you things out of the blue thinks that you're going to like him more because he buys you stuff or maybe because he knows how to shop for handbags.
Whatever the reason, he's trying to buy your affection because he has no confidence that his winning personality is enough. If you want that kind of relationship, go for it. If not, cut him loose.
6. He Won't Leave
This is something you should start noticing in all situations, be it when you're out on a date or hanging out at home or whatever. If you're always the one saying goodbye first if you're always the one having to push him out the door, be wary.
In general, people who linger are annoying. We hate them everywhere else. You know that guy who hangs around your desk at work, right? You always wish he would go away, right? Well, now you're going to date him? Kick him to the curb and tell him to get a life.
7. He Tries Inappropriate Romantic Stuff on the First Few Dates
You know how I know all this stuff? It isn't because I saw it in a book. It's because I was probably guilty of trying it all at some time, except for #9. I was never that dumb. And I probably had my hands in my pockets coincidentally.
Anyway, I've blown it with this move. And I'm not talking about a kiss or something. A kiss is expected. Going in for a kiss is a sign of confidence. What is not attractive is when some guy assumes you're his girlfriend way, way, way before it's appropriate. He might be so stupid as to actually introduce you as his girlfriend. He might simply make it look that way.
Let's say you just met the guy, and you're at an art gallery, and suddenly he tries to hold your hand. Whoa! Who the hell does he think he is? I tell you who he thinks he is; he's a guy who wants everyone else to think you're a couple. A couple!
Take a step back for a minute. This is a guy whose mind is so far down the road that he's completely lost sight of what's going on. You hold his hand for too long, and he's going to tell you he loves you and wants you to have his children in a few hours. Get out of there.
8. He Invites You to Meet His Parents Within the First Three Dates
This is related to lots of other points, but unless this is an arranged marriage or something, a guy who wants the approval of his parents that early has got some kind of a problem.
9. He Tells You He Loves You Before Your Third Date
It may, in fact, be the case that a guy falls in love with you at first sight. Great! However, the guy with self-control knows not to say anything. The guy with self-control knows that only time will really tell whether or not that feeling holds up.
The guy with self-confidence has dated enough to know that weird things can happen to derail a relationship. The guy with no self-confidence blurts out, "I love you" because he thinks it'll make a difference. He doesn't realize that the difference it's likely to make is that it scares you stiff. That's a guy who's just dumb or needs a life coach or something.
10. One of His Hands Is Always in His Pocket
Gross. Isn't that what the Internet is for? Boy, up until now, I was just talking about regular, average guys who are a little slow when it comes to women, but you seem to have bagged yourself a grade-A sleaze bag. Nice job.
If he's playing pocket billiards while you're out in public, you probably don't even want to know what he does at home. Tell him you're going to the bathroom and then slip out the back.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: I'm in love with this guy I met on Facebook. We have seen each other one on one. I really love him but am not seeing any sign that he loves me. What should I do?
Answer: You love a guy who doesn't love you back. This is an age-old problem. You need to move on. Really, everyone has this same problem. I've had this problem and my neighbor has had this problem. Everyone. Don't worry. The only way you'll truly know if this guy has feelings for you is if you absolutely stop communicating with him in every way. If he doesn't do anything, you know he has absolutely zero feelings for you.
Question: Why does he constantly tell me how much he loves me and misses me but doesn’t take the chance of us staying together when we’re able to?
Answer: This question sounds like a basic one about commitment. You have a guy who is saying the right things but not doing the right things. Remember the old adage: "actions speak louder than words". Stop listening to what he's saying and evaluate this relationship strictly on his actions. Then you'll know what to do.
Question: I'm falling for a married man that I work with and at times I feel he is too, what to do?
Answer: So you're falling for a married man and want to know what to do? Have you not seen all the movies? Read all the books? It's human nature to want what we cannot have and typically, people who fall for married people want what they can't have. The question is - are you married too? Please think beyond yourself. Imagine the lives you will ruin by pursuing this course of action. Plus, there is plenty of other fish in the sea. That said, if you're going to move forward with this - make sure he leaves his wife first. Don't be the cause.
Question: I met my guy online 3 years ago. Since then he has never contacted me till March, 2020. He is talking about marriage but hardly ever has time to talk or chat with me for long. Yesterday I sent him a message on WhatsApp, he has seen it but has not replied. What do I do?
Answer: You met a guy online three years ago who suddenly contacted you and is talking about marriage. That's not a relationship that requires an answer to any question. That's a scam. Move on.
Question: My guy lives in the United States. He says he would marry me. But we don't communicate enough. Is it real?
Answer: No, it's not real.
© 2011 Allen Donald